Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Other Shoe - full transcript

Previously, on Awkward...

Friend or foe?

So, you need to choose.
Him or me?

So, when it came to the boys,

if a do-over wasn't an option,
maybe a start-over was.

And I finally knew
who it would be with.

Spin the bottle.

It was a requisite
rite of passage.

And while I was
past my prime to play,

it seemed fitting,

given all the spiraling
I'd done throughout the year.



I'm gonna take a pass.

I knew you'd be out.

You're right.
I'm not into bears.

But I will make out
with your boyfriend.

Good luck with that.

Pass equals drink.

In the game, all decisions
were left to the bottle.

And for once, the bottle
was more fickle than I was.

You can choose or spin again.

Spin again.

The bottle didn't know
what I wanted, but I did.

Despite already
having made a decision...

Bottle flip!

Seven minutes in heaven
for you two.



I was still in the closet.

- So what should we do?
- Put on a show.

- Mm, yeah, baby.
- Oh, yeah. Oh--

You don't have to fake it.
I know you're together now.

It's cool.

- I told him.
- I was going to.

You snooze, you lose.

With Jake getting
the answer he needed,

Matty was clear to be
with the girl he wanted.

Me.

So I made use of my last
three minutes of seven...

in heaven.

Sophomore summer abroad.
We have to go.

This year has been
crap-tastic, suck-drastic,

but if we go to Europe,
I can save my summer.

You can sell your dirty ones
to businessmen abroad.

How do you think the mafia
affords so much sushi?

They're a major distributor.

Have you sold
your underwonders?

No comment.

I'm not selling my underwear.

Even if it means
I'm stuck here.

You're not stuck

if you're about to have
a real boyfriend summer.

The other shoe is poised
to drop at any moment.

Remember,
all good things in my life

are closely followed
by something bad.

Dare you forget,
Matty and I haven't DTRed.

Oh, tell me we're not gonna be
obsessing over that again.

Hey.

Apparently, our BF-GF status
didn't need words to define it.

Will my girlfriend
give me a bit?

Or "girlfriend"
would roll off Matty's tongue

and onto my salami.

Hitting the courts.
See you later?

You have everything.

And all I have
is a text from my ex.

Ricky is sniffing me out.
There's trouble in paradise.

- Once a cheater, always a cheater.
- Cheater!

He's been texting that troll!

If he cheated,
he would have deleted.

But he will cheat
if you don't confront him.

And let him know I'm snooping?
That's really smart.

Thank you.

I think he's avoiding me.
I need to shake things up.

No, you need to do
what you always do.

Put him in his place.

Don't tell me how to do
what I do, birdbrain.

Exactly. Just like that.

Hello, this I--
Ricky.

Yes, I am answering your phone,
because you left it in my car.

But--

Since I haven't
seen you for two days,

I haven't been able
to give it back to you.

Do you miss me?
'Cause I miss you.

All. The. Time.

Sure.

I can give the phone to Rob

to give to Marty
to give back to you.

And then you can
call me, beefcake.

No.
"Call me, comma, beefcake."

You're the beefcake.

I love you, babe.

God, why do exes
always have to creep back?

But did all exes creep back?

And could they
creep back as friends?

Jake and I haven't
really talked,

and even though he says
he's cool, I don't think he is.

He looks pretty cool to me.

It's a front.

None of those skanks
are up to par.

So who is?

A girl with substance.

Like T.

He couldn't handle me.

I'm a lot of woman.

And if I wanted Jake
to be my friend,

I needed to be a woman
and man up.

Thanks.

See you guys.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Crazy seeing you here.

In the school hallway?

No, I-I meant
on this route to class.

I go this way every day.

Me too.
That is so weird.

This is weird.

Do you feel weird?
'Cause I'm acting weird.

- I just--
- Don't.

When I said I'd be fine
with your decision, I meant it.

Might not have been
what I wanted,

but hey, it's what I needed.

Really?

Jenna, I've been
a serial monogamist

since the fifth grade.

To be honest, I haven't seen
this much action since I was 10.

Don't get me wrong.

You set the bar really high.

And it's gonna be a while till
I meet someone like you again.

But until then...

Don't hate the player,
hate the game.

Well, ladies...

For once, the universe was
actually working in my favor.

Which was not
cause for celebration.

It was setting off alarms.
I was...

Jenna Hamilton,
please report to the office.

Thankfully,
on my way to a problem.

I am really,
really disappointed in you.

You're being selfish.

You need to work out your issues
and get back together.

- We are back together.
- We are back together.

Damn, I'm good!

Uh! Double up. Uh, uh!

J. We're having
a family meeting.

Finally,
something bad would happen

so I could get on with my day.

Closer.

Let's get closer.

I asked our folks here to have
a little state of the union.

And it appears that the union
is back intact.

Is that true?

- Yes.
- Good.

Now, I think the only way

that you can atone
for the hell you put us through

is to send Jenna
on the Europe trip with me.

Her sista...

Slash-chaperone.

- That sounds fantastic!
- But...

- Oh! But...
- We can't.

Money's a little tight
right now.

And whose fault is that?

Yet again, dad, you're operating
from a selfish place.

Can't you just cash out
some of your retirement fund?

I mean, what good is that money
when you're old?

I don't need to go.

I'm just happy that my parents
are back together.

Just amazing.

Now, this is what
I call selflessness.

How 'bout we think
about the trip?

That is acceptable.
Meeting adjourned.

Okay.

Isn't there a problem
I need to address?

Nope.
Just have a good day.

That was the problem.

I needed a problem
to have a good day.

Everything is perfect.

Maybe too perfect.

Something bad
is bound to happen.

- Mm, not possible.
- Possible.

If you haven't noticed,
I'm a walking disaster zone.

This summer is gonna be
the best summer of our lives.

Just you, me, and Camp Puka.

We're gonna get paid,
and you're gonna get laid.

Don't get ahead of yourself.

I don't want to get ahead,
I want to get on top.

I was being neurotic.

The other shoe
didn't need to drop

for me to get
everything I wanted,

which involved more of McKibben
and less of his clothes.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Ever heard of a knock?

We couldn't wait.
We had to tell you that...

we're sending you to Europe!

You're signed, sealed,
and paid for.

So I wasn't neurotic.
I was intuitive.

The other shoe
had definitely dropped,

but it wasn't
a sweaty converse.

It was a sparkly
Manolo Blahnik.

- Europe.
- Europe.

We are gonna have so much fun
when we take in the sights,

because we are going
on an adventure.

We are getting
ahead of ourselves.

Why?

Because the "we" that is me
has already committed to camp.

- You can get out of it.
- I could, but...

I don't want to.

I'm gonna be a head counselor.

But that doesn't mean
you can't go.

I can't go unless you go.

That's not true.

It's six weeks.

It'll be over
before you know it.

"It'll be over
before you know it?"

What does that even mean?

Stop being paranoid
and get amped!

We're going to Europe!

- You got the green light?
- The light isn't just green.

It's neon.

I walked in on my mom making out
with her friend Claire.

Your mom's gay?

No, she's a lesbutante.

She keeps it strictly
above the belt.

But it was a TS sitch, so my
mom is letting me go on the trip

to keep me
from telling my grandma.

Little does she know
I'm totes equal opportunity.

O-M-G.

- I have it. Problem solved.
- Well, tell me.

With all my mom's
guilt tripping,

I bet I could swing
a euro trash bash.

We'll show McKibben

just how much he'll be livin'
if he comes with!

I don't want to manipulate him.

It's not manipulation.

It's coercion.
Think about it.

I was stuck with the hiccups.

An annoying series
of convulsions

disrupting the blood flow
from my heart to my head.

I wanted to go to Europe.

And yet, I was afraid
to go without Matty.

So there was only
one thing left to consider.

You really want to know
what I think?

Yes.

I knew my mom would tell me
what I wanted to hear.

Stay with the--
Go to Europe.

Come on, when you were my age,
you would've picked Matty.

- 100%.
- I rest my case.

Jenna, I'm not
the best role model.

That was a given.

Back in the day,
when I was with Ben,

I had so many opportunities

to do things
that I really wanted to do,

but I didn't do them
because he didn't want to.

Like what?

Camping.

- Mom, you are not a camper.
- Who knows? I might be.

I do own a battery-operated
curling iron.

And there were so many times

that I never got to dance
'cause Ben didn't like to.

I just sat on his lap,

and watched everyone
around me having fun.

Is that why you chose dad?
For his white man's overbite?

Yes.

And someday,
he will bust it out for me

on a dance floor in Europe.

But until we get that chance,

we really want you to have it.

Surprisingly,
my mom was giving good advice.

Which left me
with one last resort.

Manipulation.

And this is the last stop
on our tour.

Italy.

A country full of pasta
and passion.

Does that mean I could
eat pizza off your chest?

If you go to Europe.

I'm gonna bump uglies tonight!

Code red.
She is wasted.

I better help T.

Meet you in Paris?

How much have you had to drink?

A...

lot.

'Cause tonight,
I'm breaking all the rules.

And my hymen.

I'm ready for Freddy
to get sweaty.

Head to Amsterdam
and get a condom.

Oh...

She needs to sober up.

With a cold shower.

I'll take care of it.
You just keep hammering Matty.

Actually,
I think he's warming up.

Ricky is still being cold, and
he's been avoiding me all night.

What should I do?

Why are you asking me?
You don't want my opinion.

Desperate times
call for desperate measures.

Get really drunk,
so you throw up,

and he has to
hold your hair back.

Boys like to feel needed.

Boys like to watch
getting blown,

not the blowing of chunks.

Then take your own advice.

Make him an offer
he can't refuse.

Like what?

God's blind spot.

Back door.

♪ So bounce, bounce,
bounce, baby ♪

♪ nothing less
than an ounce, baby ♪

Lissa just texted again.
I think she wants to hook up.

- What'd she say?
- "Let's hook up."

I don't know what happened,
but all of a sudden, I'm you.

All these girls
want a piece of me.

Even ally James
grabbed my johnson.

That's a problem because...

I was peeing.

Crisis averted.

Ming's drying off
and sobering up.

Good thing she's not
going to Europe.

- I don't want to babysit.
- Are you going?

Totes.
I'm signing up on Monday.

Too late, the trip's full.
I took the last slot.

Fuck me!

I suddenly didn't need
to convince Matty to go.

I needed to convince
myself to stay.

♪

What's wrong?

Everything.
I need your car keys.

Good thing it's new,

'cause it's about to experience
a serious breakdown.

Hey.

This is hello.

And good-bye.

- I'm going to a new school.
- Why?

My house has been redistricted.

But your house is right across
the street from the school.

Exactly.

Becca's behind it,

and she's not going to stop
until she destroys me.

She'll never
let us be together.

And quite frankly,
I'm afraid she's gonna hurt you.

I can take care of myself.

That's the thing, Ming.

You can't.

♪

I'll never forget you.

♪

My relationship is over.

- Mine never even started.
- With who?

Julio, Pierre, Antonio.
Take your pick.

And now I'm throwing a party
for a trip I can't go on,

and there isn't even
a dude here to beer goggle with.

You're totally overreacting.

Let me wallow
in the shit show of my life.

- While you do that,
I'm gonna revenge-fuck.

With Becca.

Two can play her game.

Help me.

- I need to hide.
- Jake?

Go. I got you covered.

- Thanks.
- Jake...

Jake.

He's not outside.

But I just saw him
run out here.

No, that was Scott... Gold.

Scott's black.

I get it.
Are you and Jake hooking up?

No.

Then outta my way!

♪ Wait another mile ♪

♪ the world ain't ending ♪
Jake.

♪ but it might as well be ♪

♪ whoa-oh-oh ♪

♪ I'll rock you like the sea ♪
Jake.

- # Buildings ain't crumbling #
- It was you.

♪ Whoa oh-oh ♪
Weird.

♪ So let's not think and just ♪

♪ moo-oo-oo-oo-oove ♪

♪ Like you stole it ♪
The coast is clear.

Oh, thank God.

♪ 'Cause I'd be wrong ♪

that was so sweet.

I had to memorialize it.

I'm gonna grab
another beer. Lady? Gent?

I was rooting
for you to pick him.

I'm worried
it's too good to last.

Stop it.

Here's my problem.

My parents bought me a spot
on the Europe trip,

but Matty's not going.

We were gonna spend
the summer together,

- and now that plan is shot.
- So don't go.

- But it's Europe.
- Then go.

What if I miss out
on something here? What do I do?

Shake it off.
Everything is going your way.

It was true.
And familiar.

Where had I heard that before?

Trust your gut.

My gut was saying
I didn't really need to go.

But Tamara did.

And suddenly, I had the answer

to fix two problems
with one trip.

I never thought
I would say this,

but I can't handle
all this female attention.

- Go. Get out of the car.
- What? Why?

Because you're complaining
about getting too much action,

while my life
is on auto-combust.

What happened?

What didn't? This has been
the worst year of my life,

and now that Europe's
off the table,

I'm gonna have
a sad, lonely summer.

You're crazy.

All right,
now you really can go.

I meant it's crazy for you

to think that you can't
turn things around.

But nobody loves me,
or likes me,

or even wants
to drunkenly dry hump me.

So, tell me,
Mr. Know-it-all,

how am I gonna
turn things around?

♪ Enough to know you're wrong ♪

♪

Do you feel better?

That's like asking
if I talk fast.

Of course I feel better,

but you don't have to do
the post-make out fake out.

We don't have to small talk.

We should do that
again sometime.

Okay. How 'bout now?

Yeah.

Jake and Tamara are making out.

But you have Matty,
so what's the problem?

You made your choice.

Right.

Right.
I'm being ridiculous.

I'm so glad we can do this
out in the open.

As opposed to...

Your blog.
♪ To the beat of my drum ♪

- Are you...
- Not God.

Clark was
my mysterious commenter.

We need to talk.

- You made out with Jake.
- I made out with Jake.

I saw you, and I was pissed.

But you said he should
be with a girl more like me,

and who's more like me than me?

- And it was totally just a rebo--
- And you have a trip.

I'm not going.
My spot is yours.

Really?

Yes.

Now, let's celebrate.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Have you seen Ricky?

He's not in there.

Skitch.

- Were you hooking up with him?
- Not a chance.

Move outta my way.

Sadie, you really
don't want to go in there.

I really don't wanna
look at your fugly face.

Move!

Fine.
Your wish is my command.

Ricky!

I'm a bitch.

But I am not a heartless bitch.

- I should have seen the signs.
- What signs?

Ricky is not gay,
he's just a whore.

He'd screw anything, including
Detective Nibble Kibbles.

- Who?
- My dog.

He investigates everyone's
crotch except Ricky's.

I think Ricky
did something to him.

But I didn't
do anything to Ricky.

Neither did Tamara.

No, she didn't.

But your dork factor really
wasn't doing you any favors.

Guys...

I'm so...

sor--

so...

She was about to grovel.

And I had my phone
waiting to record it.

Well, we tried.

Jenna.
Assistance, please?

Oh.

♪ Never, it was never enough ♪

♪ never enough ♪

♪ never, though you
hoped it'd be ♪

♪ so hopelessly ♪

♪ and I didn't know ♪

♪ that I was wrong to try ♪

♪ to make you see the dying
in your eyes ♪

♪ but you're never satisfied ♪

I'm staying.

Why?

Because.

Because.

I was gonna have
the best summer of my life.

♪ So hopelessly ♪

♪ and we were never enough ♪

I love this song.
Let's dance.

Oh, I'm not much of a dancer.

Come here.
♪ never enough ♪

♪ never,
though we hoped to be ♪

I finally got
what I really wanted.

♪ So hopelessly ♪

♪ so hopelessly ♪

♪ so hopelessly ♪

♪

But I wasn't sure
it was what I needed.

♪

Thank you all so much for
being awesome Awkward fans.

We'll be back next year
with Season 3.

But, in the meantime, you can
go on Facebook and Twitter

and like us and see
lots of cool stuff

and have fun contests
and it'll be awesome.

Hey, guys!
Don't go anywhere.

Things are about to get a lot more
awkward on the after show coming up next.

The Awkward Aftershow's
starts right now,

followed by an encore
of The Inbetweeners.

- They're awesome, right?
- Totally awesome.

- They're amazing.
- Totally awesome.