Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 11 - I Am Jenna Hamilton - full transcript

Jenna is now officially with Matty and expects him to ask her to the Winter Formal. However, Matty only hints at it and Jake asks her properly. What is she to do? At the same time, Lissa decides to make Jake jealous to win him back.

- You could disappear
and no one would notice.

- Jenna, I like you.

I'm just not sure I'm ready
to be in a relationship.

- I saw a girl
get out of Matty's truck.

I mean, I think he's hooking up
with someone else.

- The reason that I keep
bringing up our kiss

is because
I like-like you.

I don't wanna be friends.

I want to be more.

- Over the course of my life

there were few things
I'd learned to assume.



If I was
trying to look sexy,

something would inevitably
be stuck in my teeth.

Dairy was not my friend.

And if given the opportunity,
my mom would embarrass me.

- Do you think this push-up bra
is doing its job?

- Yes,

but just give it the day off.
- Okay.

What is the single most
important thing

we've learned
from French women?

- Don't let your mom
near your face?

- Always play up
your best feature.

And since you refuse
to show off your belly,

we'll have to go
with your lips.

Rub it together.
- Nice lips.



- One thing
I didn't have to assume anymore,

my status with Matty.

We were clearly together,
and he was not a vegetarian.

- Stop it!

- [Whispering] You think
he's gonna ask you to formal?

- Mom, shush!

- Jeez Louise,
this is a barbecue.

Who put out
the formal napkins?

- Mmm, so good.

- So what color of dress
are you wearing to the dance?

- Peach.
- Black.

- Peach.

- Son,
I know you're a good kid,

and even though Jenna
is still my little girl,

I want her to have fun.

- Thankfully,
my dad always had my back.

- Now,
I'm not pushing anything,

but if you guys decide to take
things to the next level,

make sure
you wrap up the sausage.

- [Choking]
- Mm.

- [Coughing]

- Assumption
was the mother of all screw-ups.

[Letters typing]

[Gunshot]

- What's up
with the lip statement?

- Oh,
just trying something new.

I was no longer "that girl,"
I was "Matty's girl,"

and as such,
I had to look the part.

- It's totally bomb-ass.

We're not just used to
being able to see your lips

from across the quad.

- Rayna,
I vant to go to formal vith you.

- My parents suck.

When I tried to tell them

that formals were
American tradition,

they're all like,
"we're Chinese,"

and I'm like,
Chinese people love to party.

They didn't become
a billion strong

by hanging out
in the library.

- A week ago,

I'd have been uberklempt
to go with Ricky Schwartz,

but now I'm like
LA-di-freakin'-da.

I'm so over that jackrod.

- I can't believe
I'm the only one going.

- Matty asked you? When? Where?
- We want the full play-by-play.

- Well, it wasn't
an official invite,

but he asked what color dress
I was wearing,

so it's basically
the same thing.

It wasn't,

but in the 168 hours
since I became Matty's girl,

I had grown used to
his no-nonsense style.

- Someone's getting
an invite!

- It's for you, t.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

[Gasps]

- What do you say,
gorgeous?

- I've got
nothing else to do.

- Even though I was going
with Matty, I had to admit,

I would've been down
with a cheestastic invite.

- Will you go to formal with me,
Erin?

- Yes!
[Squealing] Yes!

- That's lame.
[School bell rings]

- You realize that'll probably
go bad by lunch, right?

- I'm willing to risk it.

Oh, I forgot to ask you
something.

Are you a limo girl?

- So, it wasn't the big ask, but
I was definitely a limo girl.

I'm cool with whatever.

- So it's cool
if we just take my truck?

- Yeah.

- [Groans]
That flap-hole!

- There's Marcus.
G-BYe!

- As your friend,
it's my job to tell you,

your plan is retarded.

- You always say that
about my plans.

But this one
is genie in a bottle.

If Jake sees me
with Marcus,

he'll get so jealz,
he'll ask me to formal,

and then--fingers crossed--
punch Marcus in the face.

I've always wanted two guys
to fight over me.

L.E.!

- [Balloon explodes]

- No, Melanie will not
go to formal with you.

Wake up
and smell the body spray.

Clark...Is...Gay.

You're welcome.

[Balloons explode]

- Oh, it's gonna
wreck my grade in class.

- Yeah,
the test was brutal,

um, I'll see ya.

- Run your fingers
through my hair

and tell me
that I'm pretty.

- You're--
you're pretty.

- Hey Jenna,
I got something for you.

It's the new single
from Watson 66.

- Let's dance? Please tell me
it's not a bad cover of bowie.

- Keep reading.

- I, uh,
already have a date.

- Oh.

Okay, yeah.

He's a lucky guy.

I gotta go.
[Laughs sheepishly]

[Coach whistles]
- Screw formal.

- What?

- I got the heisman
from Jenna.

I thought she was into me.

- Jenna Hamilton?

- Do you know
who she's going with?

- N--no. Sorry man.

- Did you ask anyone yet?
- Not exactly.

- Well then,
blow it off.

Let's get drunk.

- I don't know, man.

- All right, dude,
fine,

leave me all alone
on a Saturday night,

wallowing in a pool
of my own blood and vomit.

[Laughing]
That's real cool.

- No, I do believe you're happy.
You look happy,

unless you're high.

Have you been
rocking the gange, j?

- No, it's just that for once,
my life is pretty good, and...

- And you wanted
to thank me.

- And I have a boyfriend.

- [Gasps]
We are soul sisters.

I have a boyfriend too!

- Who is he?

- No one you know.

I mean, he doesn't
work at this school or anything.

That would be
grounds for dismissal.

No. He's a...

Farmer.

He's a farmer.

Farmer Bob...Mcdonald.

- Okay,
I was just asking.

- Look at how much progress
we've made

in just a few short months.

See, here is when you got
this nasty letter,

and this is when
you wore the camel toe pants.

Those were your dark ages.

Isn't it funny
how it almost seems as though

your incident
was an accident?

- It was an accident.

- Oh, okay,
exactly.

Anyhoo, now that you're
in your renaissance,

I thought that you could
choose your own happy sticker.

- I can see you're busy,
val.

I won't come back later.

- No, you stay.
- Her?

- Me?
- You.

- I'll go.

- So glad you have a boyfriend,
j, way to be normal!

- You have two minutes.

- I have received several
complaints about you today.

Now, I know that this is
falling on deaf ears,

but you cannot ruin formal
for your fellow students,

and more importantly,
you cannot out people.

- Please.

When Clark Stevenson busted out
that pink pleather backpack,

he outed himself.

Melanie should be
thanking me.

Of all people,
you should understand

how painful it is
to be someone's beard.

- It is.
[Sighs]

- Think if you would've had
someone like me helping you,

you might have been spared all
that heartache and humiliation.

[Phone rings]

- Well, hello,
Mr. mishra.

You are correct,
I am in session.

[Giggles]

Stop! Mm.

No, you stop.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I will.

Yes, I will.

[Giggles] Okay,
I'm gonna hang up now.

[Laughs]

Official school business.

- Ms. marks,
while you were on the phone,

I've had time to reflect
on the error of my ways.

I don't know where I'd be
without your guidance.

Thank you.

- Can you believe
how awesome

town Ricky's "ask" was?
He put so much thought into it.

Sorry, am I bragging too much,
considering, you know,

Matty didn't go all out?
- Brag away.

All I care about is that
Matty and I are going together.

The rest of that stuff
is just fluff.

- Congrats,
princess Jenna.

I heard you're on the ballot
for winter formal.

Holla.
[Kisses]

- This is a major,
may-jor!

- Where are you going?
- To tell ming.

- Mom,
I was just nominated

for sophomore
winter formal princess.

- Ahh.
- Okay, listen,

I'm gonna need to go get
a really great dress.

You think we can do
that after school?

- [Screams]
- I'm taking that as a yes.

- [Laughs]
- That's a yes.

- I'm getting a head start
and surprising her with options.

Oh, I'm so sorry,
lupita,

you're gonna have to do
all the cleaning today.

Okay, BYe!

- I always
do all the cleaning.

- It was the first time
I didn't mind people staring

because it was
for the right reasons.

They admired me.

- I see they printed up
new ballots.

- Apparently, there were
some last minute changes.

Let me guess,
you're voting for yourself.

Well, at least
you'll get one vote.

- "As you are now,

you could disappear
and no one would notice."

So not true.
I couldn't disappear.

How did somebody
get my letter?

- I had assumed my rep as
a suicide case was all but dead.

- Number two,

your instincts suck.
Second guess them.

- Number four,

when you're pretty,
you're happy,

and clearly,
you're not happy.

[Chuckles]

- Number six.

Nobody likes the pitiful.
Stop being such a drag.

- But my stigma was alive...

And kicking me in the ass.

[Laughter]

- * love comes and goes
and everything flows *

* till you feel so lonely

* you still feel so broken

* it's a chemical reaction

- make out with me!

[Tries to speak]
Mm-mm.

- No way.
- [Laughs]

- [Sighs]

- Dude.
- [Laughs]

- You okay?

- Sure you wanna be seen
with biggest loser in school?

- The person who wrote
the letter is a loser, not you.

- I thought I had
already been through

the worst day of my life,

turns out
that was just a warm-up.

- Think you're
having a bad day?

I put myself out there,
asked a girl to formal.

She said no.

- Well, forget about her,
'cause she's a bitch.

- A raging bitch.

The guy she's going with
has man boobs.

[Both laugh]

- Who are you going with?

- It was weird.

Matty still hadn't told Jake
about us.

- I'm not even sure
I want to go anymore. [Sighs]

- But then,
who's gonna wear the crown

when you win
sophomore princess.

- Like that's gonna happen.
- [Scoffs] I voted for you.

Well, I mean,
I wouldn't have,

but I did it
before you turn me down.

- [Sniffs]

- What are you gonna do
about the letter?

- Nothing. The damage
has already been done.

- Hey.
So listen, I've been thinking,

what if we
blow off the dance

and just do something else
instead.

Dances are pretty lame,
right?

Is that okay?

- Sure.
- Great.

All right, I'll meet you
at my truck after school.

- [Sighs]

How could I be Matty's girl
when I was still his secret?

Because I was "that girl,"

who never stood a chance
of going to the formal.

- Just look at the label.

Someone was spreading the rumor
at lunch

but I didn't believe it.

Until now.

- You were
the back-up invite?

- No,
I was not just the back-up,

I was sloppy fourths.

- I'm sorry, t.

- Are you still gonna go?

- Over his dead body.

- Well,
if it makes me feel any better,

I'm not going either.

- Why not?
- Have you seen the ballots?

- Oh, I am so sorry.

I was so caught up
in this Ricky's scandal,

I forgot to vote for you.

- Holy [Bleep]!

- What kind of monster would
do something so resident evil?

- Sadie!

- I'm talking
to my friends.

- I know you did this
and your ass is grass.

- What's the matter, val?

Did you drink some bad
soy milk this morning?

- Stealing someone's
personal file

is not only morally corrupt,
it's punishable by expulsion,

and I don't get a hot damn if
you dad built the planetarium.

This time,
there will be consequences.

- You're not gonna expel me,
are you?

- Maybe, maybe not.

But as far as winter formal's
concerned, you won't be going.

- But I--I already have--
- [Shushes]

Grab that file
and follow me back to my office.

Good. Just--wanted to be sure
you were following me.

- Welcome to karma-geddon,
bitch.

- [Gasps]
Ricky Schwartz sighting.

- What are you gonna do?

- Tell him to go
[Bleep] himself.

I will never
be anyone's number four.

I deserve better.

I would rather stay home
Saturday night

giving my cat a manicure

than go to dance
with that fidiot.

- Hey!
- Hi.

- Tamara did deserve better,

and she wasn't the only one.

- It's all over.

I told him to take care.

There is
no recovery from that.

I gotta walk it off.

- * I keep looking
for the cure *

*

* to help
from feeling so obscure *

- [knocks on window]

* I've already lost the war

- I don't need a ride.

- Is your mom picking you up?
- No.

I would just rather walk home
than go with you.

- Why?
- Because...

I really
wanna go to the damn formal,

and I want a limo
and I want you to dress up

in a gorilla suit
or surprise me with balloons

or jump out of a coffin,
I don't know.

Okay, maybe not the coffin,
but I want "the big ask,"

and I don't care if
you think it's lame, it is lame.

- Hey, I wanna take you,
your invites in here.

Look--I was gonna ask you
at lunch, but then Jake, he--

- why haven't you told him?
- I tried to but he--

- but what?

Nothing.

You're a pussy.
Take care.

- * what's the point
of yesterday? *

- [door closes]

- Don't think.

Just go with your first
instinct.

Which dress
jumps out at you the most?

- None.

- But you have no idea
how great they look on.

- On who?
- Me. [Laughs]

But I was the only one
available to try them on.

- Of course.

Because you couldn't wait
to see what I wanted.

There's only one person in this
room who looks good in peach,

and who might that be?

- Look at this dress.

It will look really pretty
on you.

We just have to
stuff the bust a little.

- I'm not going to formal.

I don't have a date,
and my nomination was a joke.

- Put up a fight, rosati.
I've blown up your guy 16 times.

- 'Cause I got
the crappy controller.

- Dude, can you at least try
not to suck so much?

- Yeah,
I do suck.

Probably why Jenna
rejected me.

- Are you still
talking about her?

You've been bitching
about it all day.

Jenna doesn't like you, okay?
Get over it already.

- What the hell is your problem?
- You can't play for [Bleep].

- Then why am I even here?
- To be a pain in my ass.

- When you stop p.M.S.-Ing,
don't bother calling me.

- Yeah, I won't.

- I had taken great care

to be the daughter
my mom always wanted

and the girl Matty
wanted to be with,

but along the way,
I lost sight of myself.

It was time
to take care of me.

And I wasn't going to sit around
and cry about it.

Okay, maybe a little.

[Both sob]

- Do you have any t.P.?
- Use a seat cover.

- Ever been so into
a guy you thought was into you,

only to find out
he's into someone else?

[Crying] Actually,
three someone elses?

- [Sobbing] Wait,
are you that girl

with red frizzy hair
who always wears overalls?

- That's Leslie gainer!
- Good.

'Cause
she is seriously nasty.

- I know.
She smells like...

Both: A litter box!

[Laughter and sobbing]

- [Sighs]
- [Sniffles]

- Can I give you a hug?
- I'm not really a hugger.

- It's okay.
I'll do all the work.

- All right.
- [Sobs]

- Freak.
- Bitch.

Ow.

- [Clears throat]

- Oh, Jake,
this is Marcus.

We're going to formal together.
- Yeah.

I know Marcus.
What's up man?

- Hey, what's up?

- Why are you hugging?
- Because we're bros.

- No hugging.
Ugh!

- What' wrong with hugs?

- Are you okay, t?

- Were you crying?
- No.

I was ugly-crying
but I got it out of my system.

[Eliza Doolittle's nobody]

- * what's wrong
with being a nobody? *

* that nobody knows
and has nobodies *

- be right back.

* and I should know,
'cause I'm one of these *

* happy to blend
and I really am honestly *

- I've been looking for you.

We should
go to the dance together.

That is
if you still wanna go.

- What happened to your date?

- Didn't work out.

- It just happens you have
a little competition.

- Really?
- Yeah.

With my mom.

[Laughs]
We're gonna

catch a movie,
a little mother/son action, uh,

but I think
I can blow her off.

I have been seeing
a lot of her lately,

and I think it's time
for us to take a break.

- Okay, gross.

- I'm in.

I just need to know
one thing.

What color is your dress?

- Not peach.

- I was leaving my renaissance
and heading into my golden age

'cause I wasn't
"that girl" anymore,

and I wasn't
"Matty's girl" either.

- I was Jenna Hamilton.