Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 10 - No Doubt - full transcript

- I'M YOUR FRIEND.
WE HAD AN ACCIDENTAL KISS

THAT EVEN YOU SAID
WAS A MISTAKE

BECAUSE YOU HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND.

- I'M SO GLAD
I WROTE YOU THAT LETTER.

YOU'RE DEAD TO ME,
JENNA HAMILTON.

- I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS.

I WANT TO BE MORE.

- THE WEEKLY HUMP DAY
OF HIGH SCHOOL

WAS USUALLY A DAY
WITHOUT FANFARE,

AND YET, I COULDN'T SHAKE
THE GNARLY FEELING IN MY GUT,

AND ON FIRST INTUIT,



I WAS CONVINCED AMANDA TANKERSLY
WAS HAVING ANOTHER SEIZURE.

students chanting:
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT...

- OR THERE WAS A FIGHT.

students:
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT...

- FOR TWO WEEKS,
TAMARA HAD TORTURED ME

WITH HER SILENCE.

AND IF SHE DIDN'T BREAK
THE SILENCE SOON,

I WAS STARTING TO DOUBT THAT
WE'D EVER BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

- JENNA? JENNA?

WHY WOULD YOU KISS
JENNA HAMILTON?

- THERE'S THE BITCH!
SIC HER!

- NO. LIS, LOOK,
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.

SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
- AAH!

- WATCHING AN EMOTIONAL
TRAIN WRECK WAS AWESOME...



UNLESS YOU'RE THE ONE
GETTING HIT.

[bullhorn siren bursts]

- OKAY, PARTY'S OVER, PEOPLE!

PALOS HILLS HAS ZERO TOLERANCE
FOR VIOLENCE.

ZERO IS A BRUISE'S HERO.

BLONDIES, COME WITH ME.

NOT YOU, REBECCA.
GOD!

- THEY'RE CALLING IT "THE SLAP
HEARD ACROSS THE QUAD."

- IT ALREADY HAS A NAME?
- YES.

BUT IT TOTALLY
NEEDS A REWRITE.

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED
"THE SMACK ATTACK."

- WHICH IT WAS.
- NO JOKE.

YOU'VE GOTTA TELL ME,
WHAT WAS NUMBNUTS SAYING

BEFORE SHE KNOCKED YOU BACK?

- I THINK SHE WAS
SPEAKING IN TONGUES.

- SHE IS SO JACKED UP
ON JESUS!

- I'M GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN.

- WE'RE NOT.

- IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP
DRIVE-BY.

- THIS IS LISSA'S
CIRCLE OF TRUST, OKAY?

AND THIS...IS YOU.

WHAT WE NEED TO DO
IS GET YOU

BACK INTO LISSA'S CIRCLE.

I WILL BE
A NEUTRAL LISTENER

TO HELP GUIDE YOU
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

FEEL FREE TO OPEN UP.

I'LL BE COMPLETELY OBJECTIVE.

- I TRUSTED YOU. YOU SAID
YOU WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME,

AND NOW YOU'VE HUMILIATED ME
IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!

- I DIDN'T LIE TO YOU.
- OH, LIAR.

- NO, I--
I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH

IT'S JUST--
IT TOOK ME A WHILE

TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO TELL YOU.

- SOMETIMES MEN FEEL LIKE

IF THEY TELL YOU ABOUT
THE CHEATING, IT MAKES IT OKAY.

IT DOESN'T.
IT'S SELFISH.

AND DOING IT PUBLICLY
WAS REALLY DOUCHEY.

- AND NOW,
EVERYONE PROBABLY THINKS

I'M UNSTABLE.

- HONEY, THAT PROBABLY
HAS MORE TO DO

WITH YOUR TWITCHY EYE
THAN YOUR OUTBURST,

- WHAT?

- LIS, I'M...SORRY.

AND I FEEL HORRIBLE?

AND I NEVER MEANT
TO KISS JENNA.

IT WAS AN IMPULSIVE MISTAKE.

AND IF YOU WANT TO BREAK UP,

I MEAN, I'LL TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

- I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP.
DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP?

- WELL, AS LONG AS
WE'RE BEING HONEST HERE...

- DO YOU?

- [mouths word]
- NO.

- OH, GOOD.

- OWNING UP TO BEING A MANWHORE
IS NOT AN EASY TASK.

NOW WE NEED
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. LISSA,

WHAT CAN JAKE DO TO GET BACK
INTO YOUR CIRCLE OF TRUST?

- HE CAN GIVE ME...

EVERYTHING I WANT.

- I AM GOOD
AT BEING SWITZERLAND.

- I'M NOT GOOD
AT BEING SWITZERLAND!

CHINESE PEOPLE CAN'T DIGEST
CHEESE AND CHOCOLATE.

AND THE ONLY THING WE'RE
NEUTRAL ABOUT IS CHILD LABOR.

- I DON'T WANT TO
PUT YOU IN THE MIDDLE EITHER,

BUT TAMARA ONLY TALKS TO ME

AFTER I'VE BEEN
PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED.

- DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU?
- NO.

- CAN'T YOU GUYS
GET OVER IT ALREADY?

YOU KISSED HER CRUSH.
SHE WROTE THE HEINOUS LETTER.

THE WAY I SEE IT,
YOU'RE EVEN.

- I JUST NEED YOU TO BRING HER
TO THE SANCTUARY.

- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
- LIE.

- I'LL TRY,
BUT I'M NOT GOOD AT IT.

- HEY, HOME WRECKER!

DID I CROSS THE LINE?
- NO.

THE LINE IS ACROSS MY CHEEK.

YOU CAN PROBABLY STILL SEE IT.

- SO WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME
YOU KISSED MY BEST FRIEND?

- I DIDN'T KISS JAKE.

HE PRACTICALLY
WALKED INTO MY FACE.

- HOW 'BOUT I WALK INTO IT?
- [chuckles]

I THINK MY FACE HAS HAD
MORE THAN ENOUGH ACTION

FOR ONE DAY.
- THAT'S TOO BAD,

'CAUSE I WAS HOPING
WE COULD HOOK UP TONIGHT.

- FOR THE RECORD, HOOKING UP
INVOLVES MY FACE.

- I MEANT,
DO YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER?

- CLOTHES ON OR OFF?
- OPTIONAL.

BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
WEAR SOMETHING TO START.

KIND OF HARD TO
TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER

WITH YOUR BOOBS HANGING LOW.

- MY BOOBS DON'T HANG LOW.

- OH, I KNOW.

- UNFORTUNATELY,
SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE.

SO, DINNER?
- YEAH.

- ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT?

- ARE YOU ALWAYS
THIS DIFFICULT?

- I DON'T KNOW.
ASK JAKE.

- OKAY, JENNA...
WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

- I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

- I'LL TEXT YOU LATER.

- I COULDN'T WAIT TO SHARE

THE EXCITING DEVELOPMENT
IN MY LOVE LIFE...

WITH MYSELF.

THE FATE OF MY FRIENDSHIP
RESTED IN MING'S HANDS.

AND NEEDLESS TO SAY,
I WAS WORRIED.

- WHERE IS IT?

"FOR A SEX TOUCH"?

WHAT THE HELL
IS A SEX TOUCH?

MING, THAT'S YOUR HANDWRITING!
WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS?

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,
WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME?

- I...UH...

JENNA!

- I ASKED HER
TO BRING YOU HERE.

I'M SORRY I KISSED
RICKY SCHWARTZ,

BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT--
I WAS DRUGGED.

AND I'M PRETTY SURE HE WAS
THE ONE WHO KISSED ME FIRST.

- I'M NOT READY TO FORGIVE YOU.
- WHY?

I ALWAYS FORGIVE YOU,
AND FOR MUCH WORSE THINGS.

- OH, LIKE WHAT?

- LIKE THE CAREFRONTATION.

- I DIDN'T WRITE THE LETTER...
BUT I KNOW WHO DID.

[school bell rings]

- NO-CARB CHOCOLATE,
WITH GUMMI BEARS ON THE SIDE.

- ARE THE GUMMIES SUGAR FREE?
- OF COURSE.

BUT DON'T EAT TOO MANY.

THE LADY
BEHIND THE COUNTER SAID

THEY'RE BASICALLY
CANDY LAXATIVES.

- I KNOW.
- THOSE ARE NOT CARB-FREE.

- IT'S NOT CARB-FREE?

- YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU
ANOTHER ONE?

- NO.

- DUDE, I THINK YOU LEFT
YOUR NADS BACK IN THE CAR.

- NOPE, SHE'S GOT 'EM.

IT WAS EITHER DRIVE
ALL THE WAY TO YUMMY YOGURT

OR GO TO CHURCH
THIS WEEKEND.

- WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER
ABOUT THE KISS?

- I'M NOT GOOD AT
KEEPING SECRETS.

- BUT WHY DOES EVERYBODY
HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING?

- BECAUSE [bleep] GETS OUT,
THEN THERE'S DRAMA.

- ROSATI, YOU SOUND LIKE
A GIRL.

- SHE'S RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T CARB-FREE.

- WHY DID YOU SAY YOU
WROTE THE LETTER IF YOU DIDN'T?

- I WAS HURT.

AND YOU KNOW I HAVE
A LOW TOLERANCE FOR PAIN.

CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?

NOW THAT WE'RE BEING HONEST,

I THINK MATTY
WROTE THE LETTER.

IS THIS ANOTHER SLAP, OR DO YOU
HAVE A POINT?

- THE FACTS ARE ON THE GROUND.

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT
RECEIVE THE LETTER

THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER CAMP--

THE DAY NE VOTED YOUR HYMEN
OFF THE ISLAND?

AND ISN'T IT A FACT THAT HE
CONTINUES TO HUMP YOU IN HIDING?

- THAT'S NOT A FACT.

- WELL, WHATEVER.

HE STILL KISSED ANOTHER GIRL
IN FRONT OF YOU.

- HE APOLOGIZED FOR THAT,
SORT OF.

- I HAVE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
HE'S ANNE FRANK-ING YOU.

- THERE'S NO WAY.

- YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP.

YOU'RE BLINDED
MY HIS HAIR PRODUCT.

- AS YOUR FRIEND WHO WILL NEVER
EVER LIE TO YOU EVER AGAIN,

I' AM TELLING YOU,
IT'S OBVI.

HE'S GROOMING YOU IN PRIVATE
SO HE CAN TAKE YOU PUBLIC.

- WELL, HE MUST THINK
I'M READY,

BECAUSE WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT,
IN PUBLIC.

[cell phone chimes]

AN HOUR DRIVE DIDN'T SEEM
VERY PUBLIC.

MAYBE HE WAS
ANNE FRANK-ING ME.

- WHILE TAMARA MADE
A GOOD CASE

WITH HER LAW & ORDER
LOGIC,

I JUST COULDN'T
WRAP MY MIND AROUND

MATTY WRITING THE LETTER.

HE WAS A REMEDIAL SPELLER,

AND THAT WAS PROOF ENOUGH
FOR ME TO EXONERATE HIM.

[doorbell rings]

LOOK AT, I HATE TO BE
A BUZZ KILL,

BUT YOU GUYS HAVE TO BAIL.

MATTY IS GONNA BE HERE
ANY MINUTE.

- AHA!

I KNEW SHE TAPED IT
BACK TOGETHER. EXHIBIT "A."

"NUMBER THREE. THE ONLY PEOPLE
MORE PATHETIC THAN YOU

ARE YOUR FRIENDS.
DROP THE DEAD WEIGHT.

IT'S ONE THING
FOR HIM TO DIS YOU,

BUT HOW CAN YOU LET HIM DIS US?
[doorbell rings]

- CRAP. YOU GUYS CANNOT
LEAVE THIS ROOM.

YOU CAN NANCY DREW THIS
ANOTHER TIME.

- IF YOU'RE SO SURE
HE DIDN'T WRITE THE LETTER,

WHY CAN'T WE JUST SAY HI?
- YEAH.

ARE YOU AFRAID HE'LL THINK
YOUR FRIENDS ARE PATHETIC?

- YOU ARE PATHETIC FOR TRYING
TO RUIN MY FIRST DATE.

- SHE MAKES A GOOD POINT.

- FINE. BUT DON'T COME LOOKING
FOR THIS SHOULDER TO CRY ON

WHEN THE TRUTH IS REVEALED!

- MINE WILL BE AVAILABLE.

- STAY!

- SUCH A FAT LITTLE BABY.

SHE WAS EVEN BIGGER
THAN THE PONIES AT THE FARM.

THEY WOULDN'T LET HER
RIDE THEM

BECAUSE IT WASN'T SAFE
FOR THE HORSES.

- THEY WERE MINIATURE HORSES.

MOM, DON'T YOU HAVE
SOMEWHERE TO BE?

- YES. I'M MEETING YOUR FATHER
AT THE ANNUAL FUNDRAISER

FOR NARCOLEPSY.

EVERY YEAR,
IT'S THE SAME THING--

A WHOLE LOT OF BOOZE,
A WHOLE LOT OF BORING.

AT LEAST THEY CAN
SLEEP THROUGH IT.

- MOM, IT'S A SERIOUS
DISORDER.

- NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S A GIFT.

THOSE PEOPLE GET SO SLEEP
THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT PILLS.

[laughs]

- [mouths words]

- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

- WATCH YOUR FOOT.

- * HUGGING, KISSING,
ALWAYS MISSING *

* LOVING YOU IS WORTH...

* HOW'S HE GOING TO BEAT
THE BLUES *

- I'M EXCITED.
- HE WAS EXCITED...

AND NERVOUS.

THAT WAS SWEET.

HE WAS SWEET.

WHATEVER MINISCULE DOUBT
THAT WAS LINGERING

IN THE FAR RECESSES
OF MY BRAIN

WAS NOW OBSOLETE.

WE HAD CHEMISTRY,
WE HAD EXCITEMENT,

WE HAD...

BEEN IN THE CAR
FOR OVER AN HOUR.

ARE WE LOST?

NO, WE'RE JUST
GOING SOMEWHERE SPECIAL.

IT IS WORTH THE DRIVE.

SUDDENLY, I WAS THINKING
OF TOMORROW...AND ANNE FRANK.

AND THAT SIGN
AT THE MEXICAN BORDER

OF PEOPLE ESCAPING
UNDER THE DARK OF NIGHT...

WAS MATTY TRYING
TO HIDE ME?

AND IF NOT, WHERE THE HELL
WAS HE TAKING ME?

RESEDA?
WHERE THE EFF WAS RESEDA?

[cell phone ringtone chimes]

- HEY.
- MATTY, AM I CRAZY,

OR IS JAKE PRETTY TIGHT
WITH SAMANTHA OLSON?

- YEAH.
- MM-HMM.

MATTY SAYS THEY TALK
ALL THE TIME.

I DON'T CARE HOW MANY
FRO-YOS HE BUYS YOU,

JAKE CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

LOOK AT ALL THE GIRLS
HE'S FRIENDS WITH.

- HE'S CLASS PRESIDENT,
AND I HAVE FAITH IN HIM.

I KNOW HE'S LEARNED HIS LESSON.
- REALLY?

THEN WHY DIDN'T HE DE-FRIEND
THE CRAZY BITCH?

- I NEVER ASKED HIM
TO DE=FRIEND HER.

GOD WOULD WANT ME
TO OVERLOOK THIS.

- THAT'S INTERESTING.

- WHAT IS?
- YOU AND GOD.

ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE
ALL-KNOWING AND KIND?

- HE IS.

- THEN WHY WOULD HE LET JENNA
KISS YOUR BOYFRIEND?

YOU SHOULD STOP LISTENING TO HIM
AND LISTEN TO ME.

REMEMBER, GOD SOLD OUT
HIS ONLY SON TO DIE ON A STICK.

- OKAY...
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

- THEY ONLY WAY YOU CAN
BE WITH JAKE

IS IF YOU HAVE INSURANCE.

WRITE THIS DOWN.
NUMBER ONE,

HE NEEDS TO DE-FRIEND HER,
LIKE, YESTERDAY.

NUMBER TWO, YOU NEED
ALL OF HIS PASSWORDS.

EMAIL, PHONE, ET CETERA.

WE NEED TO BE ABLE
TO CREEP ON HIM AT ALL TIMES.

NUMBER THREE, HE CAN NEVER
SPEAK TO HER AGAIN.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

LET'S WRITE DOWN WHAT JAKE
NEEDS TO SAY TO JENNA.

- I KNOW THE OPENING.

"JENNA, YOU'RE A SKITCH."
A SKANKY BITCH.

- DON'T PRETEND LIKE
YOU COINED IT. I DID.

BUT I THINK WE NEED
TO BUILD TO THAT.

[pop music]

*

- SPECIAL? THE RESTAURANT WAS
A HOLE IN THE WALL.

- ISN'T IT NICE?

- YEAH.

NICE...AND SECLUDED.

GUESS WE WON'T RUN
INTO ANYONE HERE.

- HEY, DOLL.
- HEY.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- YOU TOO.

- IT HIT ME.

THIS WAS WHERE HE TOOK
ALL HIS REJECT DATES.

THE ONES HE COULDN'T
TAKE OUT IN PUBLIC.

THE GIRL WITH THE LAZY EYE,
THE GIRL WITH CHEST HAIR,

AND THE GIRL WHO TRIED
TO KILL HERSELF.

- BUT WE DIDN'T ORDER.

- WHEN I MADE THE RESERVATION,
I ORDERED IN ADVANCE.

HERE, TRY THIS.

- I WAS BEING FORCE-FED
AND HIDDEN IN RESEDA.

I FELT CHEAP,

LIKE THE LATTICE
HE WAS HIDING ME BEHIND.

TAMARA WAS RIGHT.

I WAS TOO BLIND
TO SEE IT BEFORE,

BUT UNDER THE GLOW
OF TACKY TWINKLE LIGHTS,

I WAS SEEING CLEARLY.

- ARE YOU OKAY?
YOU SEEM UPSET.

- IT'S KIND OF OBVIOUS,
DON'T YOU THINK?

THE LONG DRIVE OUT HERE,

THE SECRET LITTLE
CORNER TABLE,

- MATTY, MY BOY!

- HEY!
[both laugh]

- HE TOLD ME HE WAS BRINGING
SOMEONE SPECIAL.

- JENNA.
- JENNA,

MATTY HAS NEVER
BROUGHT A GIRL HERE BEFORE.

AND IN HONOR
OF THIS OCCASION...

DON'T TELL YOUR MOM.
- RIGHT.

THANKS, UNCLE PAT.

HUH...SORRY ABOUT
ALL THE ATTENTION.

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS WHOLE
DATE THING BEFORE...

AND I JUST WANTED
TO MAKE IT MEMORABLE.

I KNOW I'M RAMBLING.

- HEY...

IT'S PERFECT.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY WE EAT FAST
AND GET OUT OF HERE?

[pop music

*

both: HI!

- DIDN'T I TELL YOU GUYS
TO LEAVE?

- ACTUALLY, YOU JUST SAID
TO WAIT IN YOUR ROOM, SO WE DID.

WE WERE JUST
IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME.

YOU GUYS SHOULD JOIN US.
MATTY?

- WE DON'T REALLY WANT
TO PLAY A GAME.

- IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

THAT IS UNLESS YOU THINK GAMES
ARE PATHETIC.

- OH, I'M IN.
WHAT ARE WE PLAYING?

- THE GAME'S CALLED
"WHAT'S YOUR DIRTY SECRET?"

OKAY, EVERYONE WRITE DOWN
THEIR DIRTY SECRET

ON THE PIECE OF PAPER,
THEN WE'LL PUT THEM IN THE BOWL

AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT
WHO WROTE EACH ONE.

GOT IT? GOOD.

- I'M NOT TOTALLY FOLLOWING.

- IT'S PRETTY BASIC.

YOU WRITE DOWN SOMETHING
YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE.

LIKE, SAY, IF YOU,
I DON'T KNOW,

WROTE A MEAN, ANONYMOUS LETTER
ABOUT A GIRL YOU LIKED.

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- WAIT--
- NO, TOO LATE.

- OKAY...FIRST ONE.

"MY FRIENDS EMBARRASS ME."

GOOD ONE, HAMILTON.
WE LOVE YOU TOO.

- "MY PARENTS THINK I'M GAY."

- OH, DEFINITELY NOT ME.

- IT'S THE HAIR AND MY
EXTENSIVE SNEAKER COLLECTION.

- MINE'S GONNA BE
REALLY LAME.

- WE'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
- GAME OVER.

- OH...

"I FELT UP MY GRANDPARENTS'
SPECIAL-ED NEIGHBOR

WHEN I WAS 11."

[laughter]

- SHE GRABBED MY HAND
AND PUT IT ON MY BOOB--

SHE PUT MY HAND
ON HER BOOB.

- AND ON THAT NOTE,
IT'S TIME FOR "HO & TELL."

NOW, WHERE DOES SPECIAL-ED FIT
ON THE TIME LINE?

- PUT THAT AWAY NOW.
- NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I WANT TO CHECK THIS OUT.

I HAD SEX WITH MRS. LUNDGAARD
IN THE FIFTH GRADE?

WELL, I MEAN, SURE,
SHE'S HOT.

BUT I MEAN, I WAS TEN,

AND HAVING SEX WAS
TECHNICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, MARIE McGINTEE.
ALL RIGHT!

GUESS I'M A ROCK STAR.

- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING
PERSONAL?

- AT THIS POINT, DO YOU
REALLY NEED TO ASK?

- HOW DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR
TO DO THAT?

- ENOUGH WITH THE GAMES.

- I'M SENSING A LITTLE
FRUSTRATION, ROSATI.

- REALLY?

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO WATCH
THE 'TUDE.

YOU'RE STILL ON THIN ICE.

- LIS, YOU'VE BEEN FED,

MANICURED,
CHAUFFEURED AROUND ALL DAY.

CAN WE PLEASE JUST BE DONE?

- DON'T RESPOND.
YOU'RE FRAGILE.

WE'LL LET YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU'VE ATONED

AFTER YOU'VE ATONED.

- BABE, IT'S ALMOST OVER.
THIS IS THE LAST STOP.

- WHY ARE WE AT
JENNA HAMILTON'S HOUSE?

- DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU'D
DO ANYTHING FOR ME?

- YEAH.

- TAKE THIS LETTER,
KNOCK ON JENNA'S DOOR,

AND READ IT TO HER.

- YOU WANT ME TO TRUST YOU?
THEN YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.

- WHAT KIND OF PRODUCT
DO YOU USE?

- NO, NO, NO,
IT IS LESS ABOUT THE PRODUCT,

AND MORE ABOUT THE FLIP.

[laughter]

- SO I NEED SOME GUY ADVICE.

- HIT ME.
- THERE'S THIS GUY I LIKE,

AND HE KISSED ANOTHER GIRL
IN FRONT OF ME.

SHE'S A REALLY GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE,

SO I TOTALLY FORGAVE HER
BECAUSE IT WASN'T HER FAULT,

BECAUSE SHE WAS BASICALLY
ROOFIED.

BUT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING IT
TO MAKE ME JEALOUS?

- DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.
THE GUY SOUNDS LIKE A DOUCHE.

IF HE REALLY LIKED YOU,

THEN HE WOULDN'T KISS
ANOTHER GIRL IN FRONT OF YOU.

- DID MATTY COMPLETELY FORGET
THAT HE KISSED ANOTHER GIRL

IN FRONT OF ME?

OR WAS HE TRYING
TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

- SO SHOULD I GIVE HIM
A SECOND CHANCE?

I MEAN,
WE NEVER DTRed.

- "DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP."

- AH.

DIDN'T HE SORT OF DEFINE IT

WHEN HE KISSED
THAT OTHER GIRL?

- HMM. I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT
LIKE THAT.

- MY FRIENDS HAVE CLEARLY
FALLEN UNDER MATTY'S SPELL.

- SO HOW DO I GET
A HOTTER GUY?

- AS I WATCHED THEM
FAWN OVER HIM,

I STARTED TO WONDER IF I WAS
AS EASY TO FOOL AS THEY WERE.

- YOU'VE GOTTA MOVE ON
SO YOU CAN BE OPEN

TO A MORE QUALITY GUY.

- WAS HIS ADVICE THE ADVICE

I SHOULD BE TAKING MYSELF?
[doorbell rings]

- I HAVE TO TAKE A PICTURE
OF YOUR MATCHING HAIR.

I AM SO POSTING THIS.

- WAIT. WAIT A SEC. WAIT.
- WHAT?

YOU EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN
WITH MING?

- NO, DORK.
GET IN HERE.

- * THE THINGS WE DO
AND THE THINGS WE LET *

* BETWEEN THE TIDE
AND THE CIGARETTES *

- "YOU'RE A SKITCH
AND A SLUT"?

- * BETWEEN OUR LIVES,
ACROSS OUR LIPS *

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I, UH--

I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE...
IN PERSON...

FOR TELLING LISSA
ABOUT THE KISS.

I NEVER MEANT FOR IT
TO GO DOWN THAT WAY.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE SLAPPED YOU.

[nervous chuckle]

I THINK YOU'RE
A REALLY GOOD PERSON, JENNA,

AND YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO
DRAG YOU INTO MY [bleep].

I'M SORRY.

- THANKS.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT,
JAKE.

AND THE SLAP WASN'T THAT BAD.

- I SHOULD GO.

SORRY TO BUG YOU.

- BYE.

- WHO WAS THAT?

- JUST SOMEONE--
A FRIEND...THING.

- WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?

- MY PORES ARE CLOGGED.

YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

THEY'RE FALLING IN LOVE
WITH ME.

- MM.

- WHAT'D SHE SAY?
WAS SHE CRYING?

- I BET THE FREAK IS
SHARPENING HER RAZORBLADES

RIGHT NOW.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WROTE THIS!

- BUT NOW I KNOW
THAT I CAN TRUST YOU.

AND EVERYTHING WILL BETTER
FROM HERE ON OUT.

- OH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WILL BE!

BECAUSE WE'RE DONE.
- AND WE CAN GET PIZZA.

I WAS THINKING MAMA JO'S,
OR MAYBE--

- I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.

WE ARE DONE.

I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
OR SADIE--YOU TWO ARE EVIL.

- BABE, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

- GET OUT OF THE CAR.
- NO.

- FINE. THEN I'LL LEAVE.

- WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

IT'S OKAY, I TOTALLY
FORGIVE YOU FOR THE OUTBURST.

- HAVE A NICE WALK HOME.

- THIS IS NOT
A GUARD-GATED COMMUNITY.

WE'RE NOT SAFE!
[dog barking]

- AH, I SEE HOW IT IS.

YOU USE ME FOR MY HAIR TIPS,
AND THEN YOU LEAVE.

- WE COULD FIRE UP ANOTHER GAME
OF "DIRTY LITTLE SECRET."

- NO, THAT'S OKAY.

- I DON'T THINK
HE WROTE THE LETTER.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- * I HOPE THAT YOU SEE
RIGHT THROUGH MY WALLS *

* I HOPE THAT YOU CATCH ME

* 'CAUSE I'M ALREADY FALLING

- THE MATTY INVESTIGATION
WAS INCONCLUSIVE.

BUT IF I WAS A JUDGE...

- * I LOVE YOU SO CLOSE

* YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME
AND I'M HOME *

* YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME
AND I'M HOME *

- I'D THROW HIS CASE
OUT OF COURT.