Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 3, Episode 7 - Austin & Alias - full transcript

I'm so happy we finished all
those songs for your album.

And I'm so happy we can work
on some songs for you now.

Well, I'm so happy that
you two are happy.

But for the record,
I am not happy.

What's wrong?

I lost the raffle for the
thousand dollar gift card

at the animal print emporium.

These tickets are garbage.

I don't get it.

There were only a
hundred raffle tickets

and you bought 99 of them.



I know. Who the heck beat me?

I won!

I got a thousand
dollar gift card

to the animal print emporium.

The hot spot for spots.

You don't even
wear animal print.

Well, I might start.

In fact, check out this
Jaguar-print backpack.

So chic. Rawr.

Can you guys keep it down?

Between your bickering
and that backpack,

it's a little loud in here.

So Austin, what do
you think of this?

I love it.



Let's try this for the melody.

Perfect.

Promise me no matter how
big our careers get,

we'll always write
songs together.

I promise.

Ronnie Ramone, what
are you doing here?

Let me get right to the point.

Ally, we at Ramone Records
love your new songs.

It's time to start talking
about releasing your album.

- Congrats!
- That's awesome!

It's about time.

This is so exciting.

Thank you so much, Ronnie.

Hey, don't tell me you're
working on a new hit

for me right now?

She won't,

because it's not
what she's doing.

Actually, we're working
on a new hit for Austin.

Oh, that's lovely.

Yeah, you can't do that anymore.

What are you talking about?

Let me get right to the point.

Ally, you can't write
songs for Austin.

Say what now?

Hold the phone, Ramone.

Care to tell us why?

Sure, Ally is signed
with Ramone Records.

Austin is signed
with Starr Records.

I have a policy.

No helping the competition.

But we have to write together.
We're partners.

Let me get right to the point.

You know, you'd get to
the point a lot faster

if you stopped saying "Let
me get right to the point."

Ally, if you continue
to write for Austin,

I'll drop you from my label.

Okay.

Let's all take a deep breath.

Trish is a good manager.

I'm sure she's
already come up with

a brilliant solution to
get us out of this mess.

Right, Trish?

Let me get right to the point.

Yeah, I've got nothing.

♪ When the crowd wants more ♪

I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'cause you've got my back ♪

♪ and I'm not going under ♪

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪

♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin' ♪

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream ♪

♪ 'cause I got you with me ♪

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

I've written songs for Austin

since the day we met.
It's how we connect.

I'm worried if we lose that,

it could hurt more than
just our partnership.

Are you sure this isn't about
more than just your partnership?

Yeah, that's exactly
what I just said.

Sorry, I'm not a good listener.

But don't worry.

Austin's talking to Jimmy.

I'm sure there's a solution.

There's no solution.

Jimmy said it's Ronnie's label

and he can do what he wants.

He also said that these
leopard suspenders

don't go with these pants.

So... What does he know?

First of all, nothing
goes with those pants.

And second, those
aren't leopard.

They're Asian cheetah.

I should have gotten
that gift card.

It just doesn't seem fair that
we can't write together anymore.

Well, don't just give up.

You march into Ronnie's office

and insist that you're gonna
keep writing for Austin.

But I could lose my record deal.

I don't want that to happen.

You've worked too hard for this.

Don't worry, Ally.

You don't need Austin.

You can write, you can sing.

You'll be fine.

But Austin can't write,

so his career is over.

You had a great run, buddy.

I did, didn't I?

Wait.

Hey, Trish.

Oh.

Like my hat?

Got it at the animal
print emporium.

With my gift card
did you didn't win.

Why'd you even
enter that raffle?

Animal prints are my thing.

And raffles are my thing.

It's the first one I ever won.

Or entered.

Just give me the hat.

Wouldn't you rather have...
the card?

Oh, nice try.

I have a proposition.

I will give you the
card in one week.

What's the catch?

Each time you insult
me during said week,

I will go back to the
store and buy more stuff.

The nicer you are,

the more money you'll
have left on the card.

All right.

It's just one week.

I could be nice to you.

Yes!

Doofus.

Okay, I'll be nice.

You'd better be. 'Cause
you're now down to

$843.

So, you ready to start
auditioning new songwriters?

- I guess so.
- Yeah,

but it's not gonna be easy.

You worried you're not
gonna find somebody?

No, I'm worried even if I do,

it won't be as special as
what I have with Ally.

I know.

I feel the same way.

They're doing it again.

♪ It was a cat-sized dog ♪

♪ Living in a log ♪

♪ Sharing his supper
with a mean old frog. ♪

♪ Vomit on it, vomit on it ♪

♪ Your faces make me sick! ♪

♪ I want to be the cheese ♪

♪ To your macaroni ♪

♪ Or the mayonnaise ♪

♪ On your bologna. ♪

♪ In the practice room ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ everybody watching us ♪

♪ What? ♪

What a disaster.

Now I'm really worried.

Why? The mariachi
guy was amazing.

Dez, you are such a...

Sweet and charming boy.

Well, I gotta watch the store.

Don't worry, Austin.

We'll figure something out.

We'll never find a
songwriter to replace Ally.

Well, there's one more left.

Someone named Roxy
Rocket left this song.

May as well look at it.

Hmm. This might
actually be good.

♪ Girl, you could be my ♪

♪ Once in a lifetime ♪

♪ If you open up your heart ♪

♪ Show me who you are. ♪

Wow. I really like it.

Me too.

Great melody, strong lyrics.

She really gets my style.

Well, I think we just found
your new songwriter.

From now on, it's gonna
be Austin and Roxy.

Huh.

It's weird to hear that.

I guess you're right.

This is the end of
Austin and Ally.

So... It's a definite
"no" on the mariachi?

No taste.

Ally, we have some news.

Do you want me to tell her?

No, I should be the one.

Ally, we...

Found someone way
better than you.

Dez!

So who'd you pick?

Her name's Roxy Rocket.

She wrote an awesome song.

Austin and Roxy, huh?

Well, congrats. I'm
happy for you.

You should call Roxy and
give her the good news.

Here. She left her number.

Hello?

Hi, is this Roxy Rocket?

This is Roxy.

This is Austin Moon.

I loved your song

and I want you to be
my new songwriter.

Really? That's great.

I would love to be...

Ally, can you keep it down?

I'm on the phone.

Sorry, Roxy, my
friend's being rude.

Anyway, I think we'd
make a great team.

Roxy?

I think we'd make
an amazing team.

You're Roxy Rocket?!

Yep. I couldn't
stand the thought

of not writing with you anymore.

But if I write under an alias

like Roxy Rocket,

then Ronnie will
never know it's me.

That's genius.

But, Ally, it's not like you

to be so devious and deceitful.

I'm so proud of you.

So let me get this straight.

You're name is actually Roxy,

and this whole time you've
been pretending to be Ally

so you can write
songs with Austin?

I'll explain it to
you later, Dez.

Well, Roxy, want to
play this new song?

I'd love to.

♪ Girl, you could be my ♪

♪ Once in a lifetime ♪

♪ If you open up your heart ♪

♪ show me who you are ♪

♪ show me who you are ♪

♪ show me who you are. ♪

That was Austin
Moon's latest hit

"who u r," written by
his new songwriter

- Roxy Rocket.
- That's you.

Tune into video countdown
live this week.

We'll be broadcasting
life from shredder's.

And see if Austin and Roxy
can take that top spot.

I know we're gonna
take the top spot,

'cause Roxy wrote a hit song.

Thanks. I'll tell her.

Dez, what's with the scarf?

Oh, you like it?

I got it yesterday
after Trish called me

count dorkula.

It's 50% cheetah print,

50% leopard, and 50% ocelot.

Did I say dorkula?

I meant freakenstein.

Darn it.

You'd better behave
yourself, Trish.

'Cause the cash flow
is getting low.

Hey, check it out.

Everyone on the
Austin Moon fan page

wants to know all about Roxy.

What should I write?

What do they want to know?

Uh, where's she from?
What's she like?

No one knows who Roxy is,

so we could make up
whatever we want.

Let's make her the
opposite of Ally.

Tall, super confident,
a good dancer.

Hey!

But I like that. Put that in.

All right. Let's read
back what we posted.

Okay, so Roxy is a tall,
confident fashionista.

She's also an
award-winning dancer

who's not afraid
to speak her mind.

And she's a Swedish pop punk

with pink and blonde
checkerboard hair.

Yep, that's me.

Wait.

That's you Ally, or
that's you Roxy?

I'll explain it to you later...
Again.

Hey.

How was your lunch
meeting with Jimmy?

It was fine.

Till I ordered that
third lobster to go.

Sometimes I get the feeling
Jimmy doesn't like me.

Why? Did he say something?

Yeah, he said, "Dez,
I don't like you."

Ally, we've got a problem.

Jimmy loves the new song.

And that's a problem because...?

He asked about Roxy.

Please tell me he doesn't
want to meet her.

It's worse than that.

He booked me and Roxy to
be on video countdown live

tomorrow.

What?!

You get to be Roxy on live TV.

Or as Roxy would say

I thought since Roxy's Swedish,

eating Swedish meatballs will
help you get into character.

Can't argue with that logic.

Just eat one and
try your accent.

That's one good meatball.

Hmm. Maybe these are
Italian meatballs.

Austin, I can't do
a Swedish accent.

Or Italian.

This is never going to work.

I should just admit
I made Roxy up

and hope Ronnie Ramone
doesn't drop me.

No, you can't take that chance.

You have to go through
with being Roxy.

If you lost your record
deal because of me,

I could never look
myself in the mirror.

And I love looking at
myself in the mirror.

What's up?

Check out my cow print boots.

Moo!

The gift card's
down to 713 bucks.

You shouldn't have
made fun of me.

But you've been wearing
underwear over your pants

all day.

I had no choice.

There was a hole in my pants

and if you looked through,

you could see my underwear!

But now your underwear's...
never mind.

May I present Roxy Rocket.

Is my Swedish accent okay?

Nope.

Just let me do all the talking.

Ja. That is probably
a good idea.

Oh brother.

Hey hey.

You ready to do some live TV?

Uh, actually we need a couple...

and we're live on
video countdown live.

Joining us this week
are Austin Moon

and fresh out of Sweden,

new songwriting
sensation, Roxy Rocket.

So Roxy,

what's it like
working with Austin?

It's great working with me.

I'm an amazing
person to work with.

I was asking Roxy.

So, how do you like
working with Austin?

Ja.

Okay.

It says here in your bio

that you're kind of sassy.

You're known for
speaking your mind.

What's the craziest
thing you've ever said?

Ja.

You see that?

No filter at all.

You never know what
she's gonna say.

Well, you certainly
are different from

Austin's last songwriter,
Ally Dawson, aren't you?

Ja. Different.

Not the same person at all.

Well, Austin, I think
I like this new song

better than any of the
songs you wrote with Ally.

Excuse me?

Well, Roxy, you just
bring this fire

that Ally never had,

and I think you're more
talented than her.

What?

Ally is brilliant.

You have no idea what
you are talking about.

I think I do.

You bring something
fresh to the table,

and the song is a hit,

so obviously the people agree.

Ally was also fresh.

Some might even say
that Ally and Roxy

had the same amount
of fr-freshness.

Well, in my opinion,

Ally Dawson wasn't such an important
part of your success after all.

She was overrated.

What do you know?

You don't write music.

You just sit there with your
over-gelled swoopy hair

and read stupid questions

off of stupid cards.

Another interesting
fact about Roxy

is when she gets angry,

she talks in an American accent.

Ja.

And another thing.

Ally has worked too hard

to be treated with
such disrespect.

Am I right, Miami?

Roxy, Roxy, Roxy!

See, this is what I
was talking about.

It's exactly that kind
of fire that Ally lacks.

I'll show you fire.

Whoa whoa!

Thanks for having us
on the show, Jett.

It was good times.

Good times.

Good night, Miami.

Whoo!

What's gotten into you?

I don't know.

Being Roxy just makes
me feel so powerful.

I think it's great.

Roxy reminds me a lot of me,

before I started the
whole being nice thing.

Ronnie, what are you doing here?

Let me get right to the point.

Roxy, I like your moxy.

I'd like to hire you to
work with my new artist

Ally Dawson.

That's great.

I can't wait to tell Ally.

No need. I'm gonna
call her right now

and arrange for you two to meet.

Roxy, are you gonna get that?

Wait a minute.

Ally?

You're Roxy?

Ally is Roxy?

I had no idea.

I'm just as shocked as you are.

I'll explain it to you later.

You wrote that song for Austin?

Ronnie, wait.

Don't drop her from your label.

It's not her fault.

Ally was just trying to help me.

Austin, I'll handle this.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

I picked up a few
things from Roxy,

like her moxy.

Ronnie, writing songs for Austin

makes me a better artist,

and that's the
artist you signed.

So let me get right
to the point.

I will continue writing
songs for Austin,

you will not drop
me from the label

and you're gonna like it!

Yeah, you tell him, Ally.

Hey, no one talks to
Ronnie Ramone like that.

I'm impressed.

And a little frightened.

Look, Ally,

I'd rather let you keep
writing for Austin

than lose you as an artist.

Really?

Thank you, Ronnie. You
will not regret it.

I better not.

I guess this is the end
of Austin and Roxy.

But Austin and Ally are back.

Aw, I love happy endings.

- Look what you did, you...

You are such a clumsy little...

you know what you are?
You're a...

and a...

you're the biggest
On this planet!

Even on your best days,

you're a...

I can't believe you
did this, you...

so, what do you think?

You look ridiculous.

Thanks.

That's what I was going for.

Austin, there you are.

Where's Roxy?

Oh... Roxy?

She suddenly moved
back to Sweden.

Oh, that's too bad.

The show got monster ratings

because of her.

Maybe I should call her and
ask her to come back on?

Sorry.

Unfortunately, she's
in a part of Sweden

that doesn't get cell service.

Oh, and she quit music forever.

That's too bad. She
was very talented...

But not as talented as you.

I saw the show, Jett.

Awkward.

If you're looking
for some talent,

may I suggest the
musical stylings of

señor Dez and guillermo.

Guillermo!

One more time.