Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 2, Episode 5 - Crybabies & Cologne - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

I am Austimus!

I am Dezimus!

And I...

Am putting these away-imus.

Before they break-imus,
because...

Trust me, you
cannot afford-imus.

Wow! You speak really
good Gladiator.

Guess who got a job at the
Mall customer service.

Congrats. What do
you have to do?

I have to take calls from angry customers
complaining about bad service.



Mall customer service.

Oh, I'm sorry that salespeople
always keep you waiting.

Please hold.

Who do they call when they
want to complain about you?

Me. That's the
beauty of this job.

- How's the new song coming?
- It still needs a lot of work.

- We don't have a second verse...
- Great, because I just booked Austin

on "The Wanda Watson
Show" this week.

- That's awesome, Trish!
- "Wanda Watson's" my favorite talk show.

Last week she and Tom Hanks made
gift bags out of old socks.

Ewe!

Hey, Trish, jerk alert. Your
ex-boyfriend just walked in.

Hey, guys. Hey, Trish.

Trent, for the last time, I'm tired
of listening to your apologies.



Well, then you don't have to listen.
Just read.

"I'm"...

"Sorry"...

"That"... Okay, this
is gonna take forever.

Okay, wait, please.
Just read it.

"I pretended to be your boyfriend
just to become Austin's backup

dancer and that I had another
girlfriend the entire time and"...

This is ridiculous.

And why should Trish accept
your T-shirt apology?

Sure, it's clever and adorable
and sweet and kind of romantic.

- Ally.
- Yeah.

Look, okay, the
point is I'm sorry.

So what do you say?

Will you wear this
"apology accepted" hoodie?

Does that answer your question?

Trent, get your T-shirts and
your hoodie and get outta here.

Yeah, get your T-shirts
and get out of here.

When the crowd wants more,
I bring on the thunder.

'Cause you've got my back,
and I'm not going under.

You're my point,
you're my guard.

You're the perfect chord.

And I see our names together
on every billboard.

We're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock.

We'll make 'em say "hey!"

And we'll keep rockin'.

Oh, there's no way I could
make it without ya.

Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

It's no fun when
you're doing it solo.

With you it's like, "whoa".
Yeah, and I know.

I own this dream.

'Cause I got you with me.

There's no way I could
make it without ya.

Do it without ya,
be here without ya.

Whatever it is I've got it.
Don't know what to call it.

There's no way to hide it.
Yeah, I've got it too.

Whatever it is I've got it.
Don't know what to call it.

There's no way around it.
Yeah, I've got it too.

Whoa! Yeah, I've got it too.

Whoa! Girl you've got it too.

Whoa! Yeah, I've got it too.

Whoa! Girl you've got it too.

Whoa!

Man, another great song, Ally.

You're the best
songwriter in the biz.

I wouldn't say I'm the
best, but you can.

I'll say it. That song is great.

Trent, how long have you
been standing there?

Long enough to know that
that is a great song.

Look, I know there are no
shortcuts to making it.

So I was hoping Ally would write me a
song to make me an overnight sensation.

Why would I help you? You
hurt my best friend.

Yeah, buh-bye.

I said I was sorry.

Don't you believe
in second chances?

Of course I do.

Well, I don't.

So again, buh-bye.

Austin, I gave you a second chance
when you kind of stole my song.

Austin stole your song?

She said "kind of".
It was an accident.

And I'm glad I forgave you because
look how awesome it turned out.

It turned out awesome
because I'm awesome-us.

But he's jerk-imus.

I believe everyone's born
with a seed of goodness,

and if you water it with
kindness and trust,

it will blossom into
something beautiful.

Huh. I never thought
of it like that.

You guys are really inspiring.

In fact, I don't even need
your help anymore, Ally.

A song just came to me. Thanks.

See what just happened there?

Austin, I think we made
a difference today.

- Hey, Trish, what are...
- Excuse me.

Mall customer service,
what's your complaint?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Well, I can assure you, Trish from
the nail salon was fired last week.

So, Trish, as you know,
since Austin became famous,

he and I have been working on
his line of celebrity products.

Austin cell phone case.

Austin disposable wipes.

Austin toothbrush.

Electric and manual.

But we're still trying to perfect
Austin's signature fragrance.

We call this one "manly".

Hmm.

Oh! It smells like nacho
cheese and dirty socks.

Exactly! The two most manly
smells we could think of.

Ewe. What else you got?

Check out this sweet puppy.

Ewe! It smells like
honey and wet dog.

Exactly, that's why we
call it "sweet puppy".

What up?!

Come on, Austin. We have some
important business to take care of.

Let me guess. You want me to
sing to the girl at Zinga Juice,

so you can get a free smoothie.

No, I want you to sing to the
girl at the movie theater,

so I can get some free tickets.

Let's go.

- Hello, Dez.
- Ooh. Uh...

I don't think I'm supposed
to be talking to you.

I just want to say, after
Austin, Ally, and Trish,

you are the most important
person on team Austin.

Why, thank you.

You're welcome, and I think
you're an amazing director.

I love what you did
in this video.

They wanna know-know-know
your name-name-name.

They want the girl-girl-girl...

Well, I'll let you in
on a little secret.

There weren't really
five austins.

No.

So how'd you get the effect?

I'm not just gonna tell
you my secret technique.

You never know who
might be listening.

I'll whisper it to you.

Hey, Dez, here's those
sweaty gym socks you wanted.

Ah.

You making more
cologne for Austin?

Nope, gift bags.

Whatever it is, I got it.

Don't know what to call it.

Ain't no way to hide it, girl...

Mr. Conley, where did
you hear that song?

- Oh, it's all over the Internet.
- The Internet?

You know, that place where
people go on their computers

- to look up stuff and shop and...
- I know what the Internet is!

- How did our song get online?
- It hasn't even been released yet.

It's not Austin's song. It's
by this new artist T-Fame.

I'm thinking about doing a cover
of it for my reggae band.

You're in a reggae band?

There's a lot of things
about me you don't know.

Whatever it is, I got it.

Don't know what to call it...

Who's T-Fame and how'd
he get our song?!

Whatever it is, I got it.

Don't know what to call it...

Excuse me. Can I borrow
that for a second?

Yeah, I got it, too.

Whatever it is, I got it.

Don't know what to call it.

There's no way to hide
it yeah, I got it, too.

Whatever it is, I got it.

Don't know what to call it...

T-Fame is Trent.

He stole our song.

And he totally copied the
"Double Take" video.

You know, I'm starting to think
we can't trust that guy.

I can't believe that jerk
Trent stole my song.

I'm never gonna
trust anyone again.

You can always trust me.

Can I, Austin? Can I?

And how did he pull off the video? It's
exactly the same as "double take".

Somebody must have told
him the secret technique.

We'll probably never
know who it was.

Okay, I did it! You broke me.
I'm so ashamed.

I was gonna sing that song
on "The Wanda Watson Show".

I hate that guy.

Forget about Trent, or "T-lame,"
or whatever he's calling himself.

He can't write his own songs, and
he's not as talented as Austin.

Trust me. He's a
flash in the pan.

T-Fame is no flash in the pan.

His meteoric rise resembles that of another
overnight sensation... Austin Moon.

I sat down with T-Fame to ask him, "is
there a new pop star rivalry brewing?"

Is there a new pop
star rivalry brewing?

Uh, well...

T-Fame doesn't really like to start
any rumors, but yeah, it's on.

Stay smooth.

Whoa! Did you guys
hear the rumor?

Austin and T-Fame
have a rivalry.

There is no rivalry.
He just made it up.

This is crazy. It's like
he's copying my whole life.

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

'Sup, losers?

Meet T-Fame's new best bud Dex.

- What up?!
- Two fingers.

He's totally copying my life!

You didn't even do the
"what up" right, Trent.

Hey, it's T-Fame.

No, it's Trent.

Hey, chill, man.

Stay smooth.

There's two of him?

This is my worst nightmare.

You're not gonna get
away with this, Trent.

I already did.

And it's T-Fame now, okay?

Capital "T", capital "F".

It should be capital
"T" for thief.

- You stole my song.
- Hey, Austin stole your song, too.

- It was an accident.
- An accident?

Okay, well, then mine
was an accident, too.

I accidentally stole the CD.

I accidentally shot a music
video, and I accidentally... Ooh!

Made it a big hit.

My bad.

I knew you couldn't be trusted.

I'm not a pushover like...

Some people.

Or a sucker like...

Other people.

Or a dimwit like...

Dez.

Ha! She called you a sucker.

This ends now, Trent.

I'm gonna go online and tell all
my fans what a fake you are.

This feud is officially over.

This feud is officially on.

Austin Moon has accused
T-Fame of musical thievery.

Sounds like someone is jealous.

And by someone, I
mean Austin Moon.

We have a new "crybaby
of the week".

I'm not a crybaby.

I can't believe the post
to your fans backfired.

You can clear things up when you
go on "The Wanda Watson Show".

It'll just be you and her.

Austin, I can't wait to go on
"The Wanda Watson Show" with you.

What are you talking about?

You didn't know? He didn't know.

I told Wanda we'd go on her show
and end our long-standing feud.

Long-standing? You didn't
even exist two days ago.

Yeah, you guys are going on between Kristen
Stewart, and... Don't freak out...

The Bee Whisperer!

- Who would freak out about...
- The Bee Whisperer?!

I love The Bee Whisperer!

Did you see the episode
where he got a thousand

bees to rescue that
kitten trapped in a well?

Yes! He can train the
bees to do anything.

I can't believe this.

First you steal my
song, then my video,

and now you're stealing
my TV appearances?

Aw, don't get upset, crybaby.

Yeah, stay smooth.

Dex, that's my thing.

Stay smooth.

I am not a big fan of T-Fame, but I
gotta say, I really like that Dex guy.

There's just
something about him.

I hereby call this team
Austin meeting to order.

First up... Getting
back at t-fake.

- Dez isn't here yet.
- Revenge waits for no one.

I want Trent to pay
for what he did.

We gotta come up with
something really good.

Austin, we shouldn't
rush into anything.

I know, Ally.

You're gonna say we should sit
down and reason with him.

Water the plant, people,
and goodness will grow.

Blah, blah, blah.

No, I was gonna say we
shouldn't rush our revenge.

I wanna get this guy.

We need to be ruthless,
plan every detail,

make no mistakes. I don't
wanna go back to jail!

I saw that in a movie once.

I like this new Ally.

We're gonna have a lot of fun together.
So what you got?

This might be going too far, but
before Trent goes on "Wanda Watson"...

We put a "kick me"
sign on his back.

And old Ally's back.

Hey, guys, check out my
super cool Austin suit.

Dez, we don't have time for new
Austin Moon merchandise right now.

No, this is how we'll
get revenge on Trent.

We know he steals
everything from Austin.

We'll leave this suit out
before "The Wanda Watson Show",

and he won't be able
to resist taking it.

And then we stick the "kick
me" sign on the back.

Sweetie, the adults are talking.

So where does the
revenge come in?

This is a sticky suit. When
he stands up, this'll happen.

- Awesome!
- What a great idea.

Of course, he'll be even
more embarrassed because he

won't be wearing extra pants
underneath like I am.

Dez, you're not
wearing extra pants.

What?

Ah!

The hilarious Kristen Stewart.

We'll be right back with
Austin Moon and T-Fame.

The trap's been set. Trent was
totally checking out my suit.

We left it hanging up
in the dressing room.

Now we just gotta sit back and
wait for him to steal it.

Trent's gonna be so embarrassed when
his pants fall off on national TV.

I almost feel bad that I'm
gonna enjoy this so much.

I'm gonna go look out for Trent.

It's The Bee Whisperer. I'm
gonna go get his autograph.

- Hey, bee whisperer.
- Shh!

Whisper. There are bees present.

Now listen up, bees. When you
go out onstage remember...

No stinging.

This is so cool.

This is so stupid.

Here he comes, but he's
not wearing the suit.

See you out there, Austin.

I can't wait to promote
my new product line.

- That's Austin's cologne.
- Oh.

Not anymore.

It's mine now.

Later, losers.

Bye, Dez.

What up?!

Your "what up's" getting worse.
It's not that hard.

Great, now our plan
isn't working.

I can't believe Trent's
gonna win again.

Guys, don't give up yet.

We still have this.

Can we give up now?

And we're back with
Austin Moon and T-Fame.

So, guys, Let's keep this real.

Tell me all about your rivalry.

We don't have a rivalry.

In fact, I'd like to hear
about T-Fame's next song.

Since he writes his own songs.

Whatcha working on, T?

Uh, you know, lots of stuff.

But right now I am really
pumped about my new cologne.

It's called "stay smooth".

Ooh.

Oh! Smells like honey and...

Wet dog.

That's probably what it is.

- 18,782.
- No.

- 18,783.
- No.

- 18,784.
- For the last time,

I don't know how many
bees I have here!

Leave me alone!

What are you doing?

I'm trying to count the bees.

You're letting them out.

Uh, now don't freak out, T-Fame.

Uh, but a bee has
just landed on you.

Oh, it's just one little bee.
No biggie.

And there's another bee.

And another one and another.

A few bees have
never bothered...

T-Fame.

How about 5,000 bees?

Ah!

No... Get off...

The bees are totally
going after Trent.

Calm down. My bees don't sting.

Nobody panic. Nobody panic.

What did he just say?

It was "something panic,
something panic".

Ah!

Ah!

Aw! Please, get 'em off me!

Oh!

No, please! Help!

Help!

Please, it's tickling me.

Get 'em off, please.

Hey, Trent, stay smooth.

Everyone's still buzzing about T-Fame
and Austin Moon's appearance on...

"The Wanda Watson Show".

T-Fame is now accusing Austin of...
Get this...

Causing the bee attack.
T-Fame or t-blame?

Looks like we have a new
"crybaby of the week".

I can't believe Trent
didn't get stung once.

Stupid bee whisperer.

It's gonna take him a long
time to live this down.

I know. When I destroyed
the "Helen" set,

it took people a year to
stop talking about me.

According to viewers,
T-Fame has the second most

embarrassing TV disaster ever.

Still at number one...

Ally Dawson on "The Helen Show".

Ow!

- Classic.
- Never gets old.

She had a drum on her head.

Oh, laugh all you want,
someday I'll get my revenge.

Sure you will.

- Oh! Hey!
- Ow! Why did you kick me?

Told ya.