Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 1 - Rockers & Writers - full transcript

Extroverted fun-loving Austin Moon becomes an overnight teen pop-singing sensation with a music video of a song he sub-consciously "borrowed" from a brilliant but shy and nerdy songwriter named Ally Dawson, who works at a local music store that's his favorite hangout. Realizing she's the key to his success, he tries to convince her to be his main songwriting partner. Together with the help of their respective best friends, aspiring film director Dez and the semi-employed Trish, they are determined to bring his performances and her songs to the top of the charts.

Hey, Ally, guess who got
a job at cupcake city.

Thanks, Trish, but there's
no eating in the store.

But I do like cupcakes.
Gimme that.

Yeah, they give us
all the rejects.

That one I dropped on the floor.

That's what I get for
breaking the rules.

Hey, do you want to
go to a movie Sunday?

Oh, I'd love to
go to the movies.

Oh, um, great.

Because you're exactly
the person I was asking.

- It's a date!
- Can't wait, lady-I've-never-met.



- Oh, where'd you go?
- I was on the phone.

That was work. Apparently "being
there" is part of the job.

Gotta go. Hey, Mr. Dawson.

Guess who found 37 more cents.

Dad, stop taking money out of the mall
fountain. Those are people's wishes.

My wish came true. I
have 37 more cents.

Well, speaking of wishes:
Dad, is there any way

I could put a piano upstairs
in my practice room?

The one I'm using is older than
the lady I'm dating Sunday.

Long story.

Honey, I know you love music,

But the odds of making it in the music
biz are like a bazillion to one.

C'mere.

Boom!



And action!

Did you not see the "please
do not play the drums" sign?

It's okay. I'm an
awesome drummer.

What you just said has nothing
to do with what I just said.

- Are those corn dogs?
- Mm-hmm.

Ew. Do you know how
dirty these drums are.

And how unhealthy corn dogs are and
there's no food allowed in here?

I'll handle this, Austin. Ma'am,
we are making a music video.

I am the director, although I
prefer the term filmmaker.

And cut!

We're gonna need a lot of instruments.
I can play anything...

Piano, drums, guitar, harp.

I can even play a trumpet
through another trumpet.

Okay okay, well, I can play a
harmonica through a sousaphone.

Prepare to be heimliched!

I pay you back when I
get rich and famous?

Great! Just have your Butler
fly over on your private jet.

- And drop off a sack of shiny gold coins.
- Really?

No.

Got it! Whoo!

♪ when the crowd wants more ♪

♪ I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'cause you've got my back ♪

♪ and I'm not going under ♪

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪

♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin' ♪

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream ♪

♪ 'cause I got you with me ♪

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

♪ you don't know know know ♪

♪ my name name name ♪

♪ I'm gonna make make ♪

♪ make you do a double take...
♪.

How long have you
been standing there?

I was wondering if I could get
a discount on this harmonica.

You know, because it's
been in the old lady.

Uh, this is my private
practice room.

Did you not see the
"keep out" sign?

Hey, I liked that song, but if you
want to make it really catchy,

You've got to speed it up.

♪ You don't know know
know my name name name ♪

♪ I'm gonna make make make
him do a double take... ♪.

Cool, there's still some
old lady spit in here.

Ew.

Goodbye. And in the future.

Please obey signs.

Guess who got a job
at the magic store!

What about your job
at cupcake city?

Apparently being a horrible employee
is grounds for termination.

Isn't that shocking?

Magic shock finger.

Ooh, I'd better go. I started my
five-minute break two hours ago.

♪ They want to know know know
your name name name... ♪

- Wait hey!
- ♪ They want t g girl girl girl ♪

♪ with the game game game. ♪.

Where did you hear that song?

- It's all over the Internet.
- The Internet?

Uh, that place people
go on their computer.

- To look at stuff and shop.
- Okay, I know what the Internet is.

You seriously haven't
seen this video?

Here, look.

♪ Flip a switch, turn
on the lightning ♪

♪ get it right, show
'em how it's done ♪

♪ free it up, no matter
how you dress that song ♪

♪ girl, you know, you
got a number one ♪

♪ go with it, you've got
him where you want him ♪

♪ drop the beat, they
need to hear your sound ♪

♪ play it up, it's coming
down to you right now ♪

♪ they want to know know
know your name name name ♪

♪ they want the girl girl
girl with game game game ♪

♪ and when they look look
look your way way way ♪

♪ you've got to make make
make 'em do a double take ♪

♪ make 'em do a double take ♪

♪ uh... ♪.

It all started with a homemade
video and a catchy song.

Two million hits later,
Austin moon is a genuine.

Overnight Internet sensation.

It wasn't exactly overnight.
It was more like over...

Two nights.

How did you come up
with your hit song?

It just came to me.

What up, Dez?

♪ You've got to make make
make 'em do a double take. ♪.

What up?

That's my song! How could he
just steal my song like that?

- He messed with the wrong girl.
- That's right.

Get angry! Me likey.

There. Allycat88 doesn't
like this video!

Takehahat, Austin! Whoo!

- Yeah!
- Calm down before you type a frowny face.

And really hurt his feelings.

Come on, we're gonna give
him a piece of your mind.

- All right, let's go.
- Yeah!

Sorry. Magic shock finger.

- I just need to find out where he lives.
- Uh, the Internet?

- You know, that place where...
- I know what the Internet is.

Faster faster, slower...

Faster faster!

Hey! It's Ally from
the music store.

Hi, I'm Trish. Big fan.

Sorry.

Look, I'm here to...
what are you doing?

I'm making my own cologne.
It's called "austin."

Austin, Austin, Austin.

The secret ingredient
is my sweat.

Wanna try some?

I don't like you.

Since Austin's famous,

We figure people are gonna
want some Austin merchandise.

Here's some stuff
we've come up with.

- Austin...
- Lunchbox.

- Austin...
- Pillow.

- Austin...
- Peanut butter.

- Chunky...
- Or smooth.

Mmm.

An Austin action figure.

I'm awesome. I like pancakes.

It's true... I do like pancakes.

♪ What up? ♪.

And my personal fave,

The Austin foam spitter.

Why would anyone
need a foam spit...

Hi.

Wow!

A magic shock finger. Me likey.

Look, I'm not here to see
your junky Austin junk.

You stole my song. You heard me
playing it at the music store.

That's where the song came from?

I thought I made it up.

Oh, I guess that
makes more sense.

Since I've never actually
written a song before.

I've tried, but
they're all terrible.

I wrote that song and you have
to tell everybody the truth.

I can't!

Do you know how embarrassing
that would be for me?

Consider my feelings. Are
you really that selfish?

So based on that
ridiculous response,

I'm guessing you're really
not gonna do anything?

No no, I want to
make this right.

How about.

A life-size chocolate Austin?!

♪ What up? ♪.

Is that milk chocolate
or dark chocolate?

Trish!

Tonight on "the Helen show,"

Overnight Internet sensation
austin moon, live!

That's right! Live live live!

I am so sick of that guy.

I'm so talented!

- How can he steal my song like that?
- I'm an overnight sensation.

- Stop pulling that string.
- I'm unstoppable.

Ha ha ha... ugh.

Hey, he's gonna be on "the
Helen show" tonight, right?

I say we crash his interview and
tell the whole world the truth.

On live television?
In front of people?

I can't do that.

You have to! That guy's a
lowlife song-stealing thief.

♪ They want to know know know...
♪.

It's a catchy song.

That's it! Dad, I'm
taking my break.

I've got to go interrupt a
live television broadcast.

Okay, have f!!

C'mon, Trish.

We're gonna be the surprise
guests on today's "helen show."

♪ they want to know know know... ♪

- Do you want to get that?
- No, it's just work.

Oop!

Okay, the onlyhihing
standing between us.

And telling the world the truth
about Austin is that guard.

The trick is to act like
you're supposed to be here.

You gotta exude confidence.

Can I help you ladies?

No!

Yes, we're looking
for the kitchen.

Or bathroom! We're
friends with Bernie.

Or Lulu?

We're going to "the Helen show."

We're musicians in
Austin moon's band.

Look, you austies have been trying
to sneak through here all day.

He's dreamy. That song'cacatchy.
I get it.

Sorry, ladies. If your
name's not on my list,

You're not getting in.

Did we say musicians?

No, see, I meant.

Magicians!

Bad liars... Pretty
good magicians.

Hey, welcome back.

Our next guest is overnight
Internet sensation

Austin moon!

- It's go time.
- I can't do this.

There's a stage out there. You
know I have stage fright.

I know it's scary,
but you can do it.

I'm here for you. You just
take all the time you need.

- Thanks, Trish. I really appreciate...
- Time's up.

Hold everything! We're here
to tell you the truth.

That guy is a weasel!

And not like a cute weasel
you'd want as a pet.

More of a lying evil
weasel who steals music!

He's never even written a song.
Because he can't!

And...

This isn't "the Helen show."

This just in.

"theelelen show"
tapes next door.

♪ Know know know your
name name name ♪

♪ they want the girl girl
girl with game game game ♪

♪ when they look look
look your way way way ♪

♪ you gotta make make make
'em do a double take. ♪.

So we are out of time.

- Oh.
- It's too bad

'cause we would love to hear
you do another original song.

Darn! I've written
so many songs.

I wish you had more time.

How about you come
back tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

- Yeah.
- Another original song?

- Uh-huh.
- By tomorrow?

That's what I said.

- Um um, I...
- Oh, come on.

You don't want to let down all your fans.
Right, austies?

Yeah.

Um, okay.

- Tomorrow it is?
- Oh, you heard it right here, folks!

Austin will be back tomorrow
to do a new original song!

Yes!

Guess who got a job
at the pet store!

Roof roof meow!

You didn't even work at the magic shop
two days. That's gotta be a new record.

I plan obebeing better at this job...
after this.

Has anyone seen a giant
snake about yea big?

Oh, he's probably not poisonous,

But there's a really good chance
that he's totally poisonous.

- Ally, I need your help.
- Speaking of giant snakes.

- I need a new song by tomorrow.
- Ha! Why don't you just write a song?

You know I can't. I've tried.

Listen.

♪ I need a song, it
can't be too long ♪

♪ song song song song
song song song song ♪

♪ song song song song song. ♪

I wrote that last part.

Okay, uh, how about this?

♪ I'm not helping you
with your song ♪

♪ get out of my store. ♪

- That doesn't rhyme.
- ♪ There's the door. ♪.

That's better.

I know you're mad.

I didn't mean to
steal your song.

Then I acted like a weasel.

Not a cute cuddly weasel,

But a jerky
no-credit-giving weasel.

I'm sorry.

Who am I kidding? My dad always
said music was a waste of time.

He said I had a bazillion
to one chance of making it.

That's exactly what
my dad said to me.

Do you know what my dad said to me?
"dez, stop texting the dog!"

I guess my 15 minutes
of fame are over.

I just wanted to
prove my dad wrong.

Austin, wait!

I'll help you write
one more song.

- You will? Yes!
- Whoo!

Thank you, thank you!

But first you have to
do something for me!

Anything. Name it.

Uh uh, I want a... a...

I... I want a... a ham!

- Did you just say a ham?
- Apparently I did.

Here, you can give her
my ham if you want.

Okay, we have 18 hours.

To write the greatest song ever.
Go!

Oh, um, it's not that easy.

I'll get you started.

There. That's the first note.
That helps, right?

Gee, are you sure you've
never written a song before?

What do you normally do?

Well, there isn't a "normally."

Sometimes I get a
tune in my head.

Sometimes I think of a
lyric and write it down.

Never touch my book.

- What do you got?
- Okay, um...

"the tears of your heart cry..."

- Too depressing.
- Okay.

- "the midnight sadness..."
- That's even more too depressing.

This song should be fun,
like a splash of sunshine.

You're like a drizzle
of darkness.

We need to get you to relax.

You know, get your
creative juices flowing.

- Shut your eyes.
- I'm not going to shut...

- Just shut your eyes.
- Okay, I will.

Don't touch my book.

Okay. Imagine you come home.

And your living room is
just full of cheerleaders.

Uh, that's not really
my idea of fun.

Okay, pretend you're
on stage performing...

Oh, no way. I have
horrible stage fright.

Then imagine you're
on the beach.

Ugh. Sand's getting everywhere.

Ew, is that guy really
wearing a thong?

Okay, forget the beach!

What do you like?

- I like pickles.
- Great. Pretend you're eating a Pickle.

- There's no eating in the store.
- All right!

Why don't we try this:

I'll close my eyes and you
tell me to imagine stuff.

Okay,

Imagine I'm giving up. I quit.

Got it. Are there
cheerleaders there?

Austin, what I'm saying is.

Maybe we should just forget
this whole songwriting thing.

Whoa whoa. Not so fast.

- Okay, almost there.
- Uh, what are you doing?

Funning you up.

Oh yeah!

No, I don't...

We're gonna dance!

No thanks... thanks.
This is silly.

See? It's fun.

- Ally, so, like, you can do it.
- Come on, let's groove.

- C'mon, let's go.
- Okay. Whoo Whoo!

- There, I'm dancing.
- Are you sure?

That was like the worst
dancing I've ever seen.

That is pathetic.

Okay, fine. Whoo!

What up?

I-I... I think it worked.

I feel fun. I feel like
I could do anything.

Watch, I'm gonna do a cartwheel.

I can't do a cartwheel.

Well, don't waste the creativity.
Come on.

Let's write a song.

♪ Whoa-aa ♪

♪ yeah-hhh ♪

♪ stop hiding out
in the shadows ♪

♪ scared to show the
world you exist ♪

♪ don't lock yourself
in the darkness ♪

♪ the world is so much
brighter than this ♪

♪ yeah, if you never
take a shot ♪

♪ you're never gonna win ♪

♪ so turn it all around ♪

♪ and break down the walls ♪

♪ whoa-aaa ♪

♪ come on and give
it everything ♪

♪ you can take a
chance, make a stand ♪

♪ and break break break
down the walls ♪

♪ whoa-aaa ♪

♪ break down the walls ♪

♪ whoa ♪

♪ break down the walls ♪

♪ whoa ♪

♪ come on and take a
chance, make a stand ♪

♪ and break break break
down the walls ♪

♪ break down the wall. ♪

- It only took all night, but we did it!
- Whoo!

- This song is awesome!
- Okay well, you'd better hurry.

You only have one hour to
get to "the Helen show."

You mean we'd tttter hurry.

I want you to be there with me.

Really? You mean it?

I wouldn't be going on "the Helen
show" at all if it wasn't for you.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

Oh, uh...

- Come on, let's go.
- Okay.

- We did it!
- We finished it.

We knew you could do it.
Here, we got you this.

Guess who got a job
at the mug store.

"congrats, we knew you could do it.
" aw, thanks.

We also got you this one.

"sorry you failed.
You did your best"?

Well, we got you two
mugs just in case.

Dez wasn't supposed
to show you that one.

- Come on, we've gotta go.
- I'm going to "the Helen"...

Let's go!

Up next, Austin moon's
brand-new song.

Millions of people are
about to hear my song.

It was so worth quitting my job
at the mug store to come here.

Ally, the piano player's sick.
You have to play piano for me.

Uh uh, I can't. I
can't go out there.

You know I have stage fright.

What if they turn off
all the cameras.

And everyone in the
audience goes like this?

No! No way. I can't do this.

No, it's really easy. Just
go left and then right.

Left and right.
That's it, that's it.

Look, it's like you
say in the song:

Take a chance, break
down the wall.

- I'm sorry.
- Wait!

I have the perfect solution.

Okay, everybody, we're
back in 30 seconds.

See, Ally, nobody can see you.

It's just like
you're not on stage.

I'm trying really hard
not to freak out here.

You're gonna be great. Trust me.

Hey, welcome back.

And here to sing his
brand-new original song is.

Austin moon.

Thank you. This
song was written.

By an incredible
songwriter, Ally Dawson.

She kind of wrote
my first song too.

Ladies and gentlemen,
here she is.

See, you're facing your fear.
That was my plan.

You're welcome.

L-let's hear it for
lyly, everybody.

How was your date
with that old lady?

She slept through
the whole movie.

I had to explain the whole thing
to her on the bus ride home.

My practice room?

What is all this stuff?

What are you guys doing here?

Pickles! But look at that piano.

I used the money I got from being on
"the Helen show" to pay for all this.

I... I can't believe
you did this.

- Thank you. - I figured we'd be

spending a lot of time in here,

So we should probably make it
as comfortable as possible.

Uh... we?

I want you to be my partner.

Spend more time with you?

You're a songwriter
with stage fright;

I'm a singer who loves
being on stage.

We're a perfect match.
What do you say?

We're partners.

Guess who got a job
as Austin's manager.

She has so much job experience,
her resume was like eight pages.

Oh, I promised his fans.

We'd have new songs up on
the website every Friday.

Oh, I don't work fridays
or other weekdays.

We have to write a
new song every week?

Trish, for the first video,

I need 10,000 monkeys
and a big wedding cake.

You can have a
turtle and a donut.

I already have that.

Aw, man! My video just got
bumped to number two.

- What's number one?
- You on "the Helen show."

Hey look, they're even showing the
part where you threw up on Helen.

You're famous... thanks to me.

Thanks to you. Well, let
me show you something.

Here you go.

Oh, me too, me too!