Au service de la France (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Le Tsét - full transcript
André Merlaux, 23 years old, arriving from Algiers to enter the Ministry of Defense as french intelligence services' agent. The operations director, Moïse, gives Merlaux under responsibilities of Moulinier, Jacquard and Calot.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
God, my stuff!
Where's my stuff?
Who are you?
Merlaux,
can you tell me
who won the Second World War?
How do you know my name?
Answer the question.
Who were the victors?
France...
Which country brought civilisation
to 15 African and sub-Saharan countries?
France?
Where is the home of human rights?
Well...
France?
Who are you?
My name is Moïse.
André Merlaux,
starting today at...
8:54,
will you agree to being a trainee,
category B, grade eight,
attached to the Service at level HRT7?
What service?
A very secret service.
I'm going to be
a secret agent?
He didn't ask that.
You didn't listen, Berlu?
Colonel.
You'll maybe become a secret service
agent. If you pass the test.
The what?
If you pass the test,
you will begin training
as a Category A official
in charge of external operations abroad.
What does it entail?
That's confidential.
Are you ready?
-For what?
-That's confidential.
I'm ready.
You're entering an elite service.
You will receive elite training.
Try to rise to it.
There will be no second chance.
Come tomorrow at 8 a.m.
A VERY SECRET SERVICE
WHEREVER NECESSITY KNOWS NO LAW
When will we be seen?
That's confidential.
We already told you, it's urgent!
-Excuse me...
-Wait your turn.
I've got an appointment.
André Merlaux.
I work here.
As of today...
Office 8M5.
What is it?
Sorry, I got the wrong door.
You were surprised.
An agent is never surprised.
What was in there?
Well, there was a man who...
Nothing.
There was nothing.
May I know when this test will begin?
It already has.
May I remind you:
you're representing your nation,
not a sales firm.
Why is it such a mess
in Africa and Algeria?
Do you think we'll put up
with it for long?
What's this?
Um... expenses.
Are you taking the piss?
"Mrs Douba-Douba: 120,000 CFA francs."
"Lala Fatima, Queen of the Casbah:
25,000 francs."
Well?
Moulinier? Jacquard?
Well...
Africa's... Africa.
-Algeria too.
-Algeria is France!
What did Mrs Douba-Douba
do for France that was worth
120,000 CFA francs?
She's a contact.
Takes working on.
Needs making a fuss of.
-How are the kids?
-Numerous!
A drink or two...
A bottle or two...
Then they'll tell you.
And can't Mrs Douba-Douba and Lala Fatima
give you proper written proof?
Receipts?
Not just this piece of stuff.
Pencils are hard to find.
Receipts, really.
It's still France,
but they do things differently.
Your desk.
Like plants?
-Yes.
-Good.
No more than two.
Get to work.
Looks like a bit of a peasant.
It's the suit.
You're right, that's it.
I think he looks new.
What's that supposed to mean, "new"?
Gentlemen, please.
There.
Thank you, Miss.
There!
"Monte-Carlo Palace Hotel,
royal suite, four nights, 24 meals,
six bottles of champagne, 14 brandies."
It's clear, it's dated and stamped,
it's a receipt.
"Clothes: undergarments, various."
For a total of 13,542.43 francs.
Hospitality costs,
accounted for and stamped. A receipt.
Thank you, Miss.
But that's much more than me!
New francs, as well.
It's not the amount
or whether it's old or new francs,
it's about the receipt.
Yes, but in Africa...
Hello?
He answered the phone!
The Dahomey delegation is at Reception.
I repeat:
the Dahomey delegation is at Reception.
They want the man in charge.
There's trouble
in Dahomey.
Who is in charge?
Well, you. You picked up the phone.
Say it's confidential.
I already did.
Give me their names.
What are your names?
Agoli Agonglabo.
Agoli Agoglogolo.
Agonglabo!
Aglo...
Agoli Globo...
Can you just give me two minutes, please?
Have you got a pen, please?
-A pencil.
-A pencil.
You'll give it back, absolutely?
I won't let you go.
Thank you.
Tell me,
who knows about Dahomey?
The DRIC.
The BRIC?
The DRIC, with a D. After the SDQI.
But at 8:15 on Tuesday, it's shut.
Thank you.
-Still there?
-Yes.
Can you spell it for me, please?
-A...
-A...
-G...
-G...
-O...
-O...
-L...
-L...
-I.
-I.
Agoli...
Globlo... Gobo...
Could you write them down, please?
I'll get someone.
Back in five minutes.
You're someone.
-Where's Moïse?
-In a meeting.
Well?
He's Bulgarian.
I don't trust Bulgarians.
They're like Romanians, but tougher.
Your mother
is a prostitute.
What did he say?
He was rude about my mother.
Your mother drinks water.
And what did you say to him?
The same thing, but worse.
No reaction.
She wasn't his real mother.
Do you want to take over?
No, I'm out of practice.
It's just like riding a bike...
OK, then.
It'll remind me of the good old days.
You haven't lost your touch!
I'll go, shall I?
Go on, I'll guard him for you.
His file's there.
Now, then.
Still nothing to tell me?
So...
Agoli Aglogogabo!
And you?
Tegbessou Géléghéso.
How is it spelled?
Like it sounds.
Dahomey is French?
Since you're French,
why not have a French name?
Excuse me again.
Do you think I can disturb them?
It's double red.
Red means no, double red means double no!
Still there?
Yes.
So...
Agoli Aglogogabo...
Tell the Dahomey delegation
we'll see them.
Very well.
Well I never!
So,
back in the saddle?
I'm helping out Calot.
He went for a break.
Would you like me to take over?
Yes, please.
It's tiring.
But I thought I'd be rustier than I am.
What's it about?
What?
What's he got to say?
What have you got to say?
Don't sweat it.
He'll tell us in the end.
Or something else.
Moulinier, did you say
we'd see the Dahomey delegation?
Certainly not.
What made you answer the phone?
Well, the phone was ringing
and... I picked it up.
Your logic escapes me.
I don't get it.
The telephone...
I thought...
This isn't a helpline, Merlaux.
Any misunderstandings
could set off a world war.
A world war!
Do you hear me?
Get out.
Reception?
This is Moïse.
Is the Dahomey delegation with you?
Gone?
Oh, so it wasn't that important after all.
Idiot!
Twit.
Twit!
-All right, Merlaux?
-Yes.
Well, no.
I failed my test, so... I needed to...
You feel out of place, don't you?
That's about it, yes.
It's quite natural, you know.
That's kind of you.
These are the women's toilets.
It nearly blew. It was a short circuit.
I almost thought
the Reds had chucked a bomb.
If they had,
you wouldn't be here to laugh about it.
Look at that, will you?
13,000 francs' worth of bra on her.
1,300,000 old francs!
650,000 per tit.
Mr Moïse.
Give me a second chance.
Hey, where's my pencil?
Oh, yes...
Here it is.
Thank you.
Mr Moïse...
Get yourself a drink.
It's a party.
No, thanks, I don't drink.
But... So...
-How did my test...?
-What about your test?
Do you think we've had time for that
on a day like this?
So...
I mean, I...
Your good health, Merlaux.
You've earned the right to be tested.
Will you be wearing that every day?
Why not keep it for Sundays?
Here is the News.
Events in the French colony of Dahomey.
The Dahomey Prime Minister, Mr Teg...
Tegbessou Gléglé... Gléléghéso,
came to Paris today, but negotiations
appear to have been fruitless.
Oh, please!
Subtitles: Victoria Britten
God, my stuff!
Where's my stuff?
Who are you?
Merlaux,
can you tell me
who won the Second World War?
How do you know my name?
Answer the question.
Who were the victors?
France...
Which country brought civilisation
to 15 African and sub-Saharan countries?
France?
Where is the home of human rights?
Well...
France?
Who are you?
My name is Moïse.
André Merlaux,
starting today at...
8:54,
will you agree to being a trainee,
category B, grade eight,
attached to the Service at level HRT7?
What service?
A very secret service.
I'm going to be
a secret agent?
He didn't ask that.
You didn't listen, Berlu?
Colonel.
You'll maybe become a secret service
agent. If you pass the test.
The what?
If you pass the test,
you will begin training
as a Category A official
in charge of external operations abroad.
What does it entail?
That's confidential.
Are you ready?
-For what?
-That's confidential.
I'm ready.
You're entering an elite service.
You will receive elite training.
Try to rise to it.
There will be no second chance.
Come tomorrow at 8 a.m.
A VERY SECRET SERVICE
WHEREVER NECESSITY KNOWS NO LAW
When will we be seen?
That's confidential.
We already told you, it's urgent!
-Excuse me...
-Wait your turn.
I've got an appointment.
André Merlaux.
I work here.
As of today...
Office 8M5.
What is it?
Sorry, I got the wrong door.
You were surprised.
An agent is never surprised.
What was in there?
Well, there was a man who...
Nothing.
There was nothing.
May I know when this test will begin?
It already has.
May I remind you:
you're representing your nation,
not a sales firm.
Why is it such a mess
in Africa and Algeria?
Do you think we'll put up
with it for long?
What's this?
Um... expenses.
Are you taking the piss?
"Mrs Douba-Douba: 120,000 CFA francs."
"Lala Fatima, Queen of the Casbah:
25,000 francs."
Well?
Moulinier? Jacquard?
Well...
Africa's... Africa.
-Algeria too.
-Algeria is France!
What did Mrs Douba-Douba
do for France that was worth
120,000 CFA francs?
She's a contact.
Takes working on.
Needs making a fuss of.
-How are the kids?
-Numerous!
A drink or two...
A bottle or two...
Then they'll tell you.
And can't Mrs Douba-Douba and Lala Fatima
give you proper written proof?
Receipts?
Not just this piece of stuff.
Pencils are hard to find.
Receipts, really.
It's still France,
but they do things differently.
Your desk.
Like plants?
-Yes.
-Good.
No more than two.
Get to work.
Looks like a bit of a peasant.
It's the suit.
You're right, that's it.
I think he looks new.
What's that supposed to mean, "new"?
Gentlemen, please.
There.
Thank you, Miss.
There!
"Monte-Carlo Palace Hotel,
royal suite, four nights, 24 meals,
six bottles of champagne, 14 brandies."
It's clear, it's dated and stamped,
it's a receipt.
"Clothes: undergarments, various."
For a total of 13,542.43 francs.
Hospitality costs,
accounted for and stamped. A receipt.
Thank you, Miss.
But that's much more than me!
New francs, as well.
It's not the amount
or whether it's old or new francs,
it's about the receipt.
Yes, but in Africa...
Hello?
He answered the phone!
The Dahomey delegation is at Reception.
I repeat:
the Dahomey delegation is at Reception.
They want the man in charge.
There's trouble
in Dahomey.
Who is in charge?
Well, you. You picked up the phone.
Say it's confidential.
I already did.
Give me their names.
What are your names?
Agoli Agonglabo.
Agoli Agoglogolo.
Agonglabo!
Aglo...
Agoli Globo...
Can you just give me two minutes, please?
Have you got a pen, please?
-A pencil.
-A pencil.
You'll give it back, absolutely?
I won't let you go.
Thank you.
Tell me,
who knows about Dahomey?
The DRIC.
The BRIC?
The DRIC, with a D. After the SDQI.
But at 8:15 on Tuesday, it's shut.
Thank you.
-Still there?
-Yes.
Can you spell it for me, please?
-A...
-A...
-G...
-G...
-O...
-O...
-L...
-L...
-I.
-I.
Agoli...
Globlo... Gobo...
Could you write them down, please?
I'll get someone.
Back in five minutes.
You're someone.
-Where's Moïse?
-In a meeting.
Well?
He's Bulgarian.
I don't trust Bulgarians.
They're like Romanians, but tougher.
Your mother
is a prostitute.
What did he say?
He was rude about my mother.
Your mother drinks water.
And what did you say to him?
The same thing, but worse.
No reaction.
She wasn't his real mother.
Do you want to take over?
No, I'm out of practice.
It's just like riding a bike...
OK, then.
It'll remind me of the good old days.
You haven't lost your touch!
I'll go, shall I?
Go on, I'll guard him for you.
His file's there.
Now, then.
Still nothing to tell me?
So...
Agoli Aglogogabo!
And you?
Tegbessou Géléghéso.
How is it spelled?
Like it sounds.
Dahomey is French?
Since you're French,
why not have a French name?
Excuse me again.
Do you think I can disturb them?
It's double red.
Red means no, double red means double no!
Still there?
Yes.
So...
Agoli Aglogogabo...
Tell the Dahomey delegation
we'll see them.
Very well.
Well I never!
So,
back in the saddle?
I'm helping out Calot.
He went for a break.
Would you like me to take over?
Yes, please.
It's tiring.
But I thought I'd be rustier than I am.
What's it about?
What?
What's he got to say?
What have you got to say?
Don't sweat it.
He'll tell us in the end.
Or something else.
Moulinier, did you say
we'd see the Dahomey delegation?
Certainly not.
What made you answer the phone?
Well, the phone was ringing
and... I picked it up.
Your logic escapes me.
I don't get it.
The telephone...
I thought...
This isn't a helpline, Merlaux.
Any misunderstandings
could set off a world war.
A world war!
Do you hear me?
Get out.
Reception?
This is Moïse.
Is the Dahomey delegation with you?
Gone?
Oh, so it wasn't that important after all.
Idiot!
Twit.
Twit!
-All right, Merlaux?
-Yes.
Well, no.
I failed my test, so... I needed to...
You feel out of place, don't you?
That's about it, yes.
It's quite natural, you know.
That's kind of you.
These are the women's toilets.
It nearly blew. It was a short circuit.
I almost thought
the Reds had chucked a bomb.
If they had,
you wouldn't be here to laugh about it.
Look at that, will you?
13,000 francs' worth of bra on her.
1,300,000 old francs!
650,000 per tit.
Mr Moïse.
Give me a second chance.
Hey, where's my pencil?
Oh, yes...
Here it is.
Thank you.
Mr Moïse...
Get yourself a drink.
It's a party.
No, thanks, I don't drink.
But... So...
-How did my test...?
-What about your test?
Do you think we've had time for that
on a day like this?
So...
I mean, I...
Your good health, Merlaux.
You've earned the right to be tested.
Will you be wearing that every day?
Why not keep it for Sundays?
Here is the News.
Events in the French colony of Dahomey.
The Dahomey Prime Minister, Mr Teg...
Tegbessou Gléglé... Gléléghéso,
came to Paris today, but negotiations
appear to have been fruitless.
Oh, please!
Subtitles: Victoria Britten