Atypical (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Standing Sam - full transcript

[rock music playing]

♪ When you feel the world around you ♪

♪ Spinning out of control ♪

♪ You can find someone around you ♪

♪ To bring you out of the cold ♪

♪ But you don't ever have to hide ♪

♪ What you really feel inside
So put 'em up ♪

[vocalizes]

♪ Two high... ♪

There's my college boy.

Did Edison have anything
to say to you this morning?



Of course not, he's a tortoise.

Well, he might not be excited, but I am.

Orientation is a waste of time,

especially if you've adequately prepared
on your own, which I have.

But I know what to expect
so it shouldn't be a bad experience.

Where are my running shoes?

Oh, honey, I don't think it's a good idea
to go running just yet.

Where'd you hide 'em?

Sam, don't forget you have your
appointment with disability services today

at 1:00 in the Taft Building.

It's with a very kind-sounding man
named Rudolph.

Don't make any reindeer jokes.
I did, it didn't go well.

Okay.

The doctor said to wait six weeks,
it's been six weeks.



It's been five weeks, five days. I bet
you're still sore. Let me see your scar.

Hey! My body. Bad touch.

Now give me my shoes. Where'd you put 'em?

Sam.

This is everything you need
for your appointment today.

- Sure you don't want me to go with you?
- No, thanks.

Why not?

Because he's a grown-ass man.

For once she's right,
'cause I'm a grown-ass man.

Casey, why are your sneakers
in my t-shirt drawer?

Yes!

I was hiding them.

Oh, well, you should let me
know next time.

I'm done.

All right, well, good luck.
I'm proud of you, Sam.

I don't need luck, I'm prepared.

Hey, honey,
don't forget we have our thing today.

Do we really have to go?
Are we getting anything out of it?

I am. Maybe if you opened up more.
You only get out of it what you put in.

Well, so far, I've put about $300 into it.
Am I getting that back?

[theme music playing]

[Sam] Every year after mating season,

penguins lose their feathers
and get a new coat.

This little guy
might not look like much right now,

but pretty soon he'll be sleek,

streamlined and fully waterproof.

Whoa, Nelly, what happened
to that sad sack? Syphilis?

Is it syphilis?

Zahid, what are you doing here?

Just finished up orientation

at the Margaret B. Rosenkrantz
School of Nursing.

Turns out Margaret B. was quite the fox.

"B" actually stands for aboia-oia-oia-ing.

I'm going to my orientation in a minutes.

Awesome. Who are you gonna be?

- What?
- It's a whole new world, Sammy.

These people know nothing about you.

You can be whoever you want.

I was a sexy anthropologist
who wanted a career change.

Oh, and...

I wear suspenders now.

You can always trust a guy in suspenders.

I'm fine with my current wardrobe.

Inexplicable, but okay.

The point is, now is the perfect time
to reinvent yourself.

You can be whoever you want.
That's what college is for.

I'm not looking to reinvent myself.

All I want is to not fail,
to not be the four out of five.

I'm perfectly fine doing that as my same
old self in my same old clothes.

You're gonna do great.

I agree.

So, junior year, you ready?

- [Casey sighs]
- [Sam] Molting looks painful.

[Casey] Hey.

You mean ten months of that awkwardness?

- Can't wait.
- He's harmless.

[Sam] And maybe it is, I don't know.

I'm not a penguin.

I'm a bee.

Welcome to the hive.

Here's a freshman survival guide
detailing everything you need to know

to be the best Denton Bee you can be.

I don't need one. I have one.

I've read it so many times
that I've memorized it.

Okeydokey, tuna poke-y.

[students chattering]

I wonder if molting penguins stand
in front of other penguins

and get embarrassed
about all their feathers falling out.

Okay, bees, take a seat.

Icebreaker time! Whoop-whoop!

We'll all say an adjective starting
with the first letter of our name,

then our name,

then a funky dance move
that goes with that adjective.

Watch and learn.

I'm Excited Evelyn.

Excited Evelyn!

Okay, who's next?

[Sam] The thing is, as a penguin,

you really have no choice.

I'm Standing Sam.

- [Evelyn] Yes.
- [man] Nice one, man.

- Dude, that was iconic.
- Totally subversive.

I called ahead to see
what the icebreaker was going to be

and I thought they might keep it a secret,
but they told me right off the bat.

[laughing]

You're hilarious.

I am?

I am.

The thing about molting is...

you just have to get through it.

[Elsa] I've been giving him more space.

- She has.
- And it feels good.

- Yeah.
- Just stepping back.

Like, I could breathe.

I think I always let you breathe.

[laughs] No breathing.

Sorry.

Well, that's good.

So we have a few more minutes.

Is there anything else you wanna
make sure we talk about today?

Yeah.

You said you want me to be more open...

So I wanna know...

how did this happen.

Like, you don't just...

sleep with someone out of the blue.

There has to be a bunch of small steps
that gets you to that point.

So I wanna know how.

I remember...

actually.

It was my first lie.

I was thinking about Nick.

And you noticed I was distracted.

And you asked me...

what was up.

I said I was thinking
about some PTA thing.

And I think...

it was that little lie

that made...

every other lie just a tiny bit easier.

I wish I had stopped myself.

I wish you had, too.

It kinda sucks you just had surgery.

It's not gonna be as fun
kicking your ass at practice.

I'll have you know, I went
on my first run, and I'm as fast as ever.

Did it hurt?

- Like a bitch.
- [laughs]

Hey, I brought you guys milkshakes.

I don't want it to be weird with us
for the next two years, so...

peace offering.

Thanks.

My stomach's still a little wonky
from the appendectomy, but...

I'll take it.

- Hers, too.
- [laughs]

Thank you. Bye.

Hey, it doesn't completely make up
for what you did,

but I appreciate the apology.

[laughs]

That wasn't for you, that was for Izzie,

but you guys are joined at the hip
so just to be clear,

you're still a bitch.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Hey, Nate.

♪ Go ahead, hooligans, ow-ow! ♪

♪ Get me some hooligans, hooligans
Ow-ow! ♪

♪ Get me some knuckle-handed hooligans
Ow-ow! ♪

♪ Get me some hooligans, hooligans
Ow-ow! ♪

You punched his milkshake?
How do you punch a milkshake? It's liquid.

I didn't punch it. I bopped it.
It's more gentle than a punch.

- On accident?
- No, on purpose.

Have you met this kid?

- Casey.
- Crowley.

You have tremendous potential.

You're smart, you're tough,

you work hard and you seem
completely happy to throw it all away.

That's not what I'm doing.

Isn't it? You don't think you belong here,

- so...
- I don't.

Look...

I'm not trying to be a menace...

and I love this team.

I know.

But it's junior year.

It's a big one for you...

SATs, college stuff.

You need to set aside this emotional angst
and decide what you want.

Do I have to?

Nice suspenders.

Can you help me find the Taft building?

Hey, Standin' Sam!

I'll have you know that 43 kids later,
Standing Sam remains choice, my dude.

Thank you.

I normally don't like icebreakers,
which is ironic because I love ice.

- [laughing]
- You're the best.

I declare that from this moment forward,
Sam's our guy.

- Let's call ourselves the Tasty Trio.
- Yes!

- Why?
- [laughs] It's dope, and I'm starving!

Hey, do you wanna hang out with us?

- Maybe get something to eat?
- Yeah. [gasps]

I can't. I have an appointment.

What? You mean we gotta hang out
with someone else?

Bummer.

Yeah, everyone else here
is just spazzes and weirdos.

[man's voice] Spazzes and weirdos.

- [man 2] What a loser.
- [man] Spazzes and weirdos...

- spazzes and weirdos, spazzes and weirdos,
- [laughing]

spazzes and weirdos...

[man] Skip your meeting!

- [gasps] Skip it...
- Skip it...

[Sam] I don't usually skip things.

I don't usually break rules, but...

it's college.

Maybe it is time to reinvent myself.

I'm going to skip my meeting.

- Yes!
- Yes! Yeah!

I'm Skipping Sam now.

[laughing] He's still got it.

Oh, this guy.

I didn't believe it at first.

Thought the package went to the wrong
place, company forgot to send it, but no.

Somebody's stealing my Omaha steaks
right off my front porch.

- [cell phone ringing]
- Wow. They are good steaks.

You better believe it.

Hey, what's up?

Sorry to bother you,
but I didn't know what to do, who to call.

Okay, well, slow down. What's going on?

Amber's having a hard time breathing.

And I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting.

Okay, where are you guys? Are you home?

- Yeah.
- All right, we'll be right there.

We don't get to go get burgers
right now, do we?

Afraid not, Chuck.

Meat's being taken out of my mouth
left and right.

It was so scary.

I mean, everything was normal, fine.

We were having tacos, laughing,

and then the topic of school
got brought up and...

it was like she couldn't breathe.

She was gasping.

It was awful.

Well, it's okay.
Okay, you did the right thing.

But she's gonna be okay.

I think we're good over here.

So tell me the truth, am I dying?

No. You're not dying.

But I do think you had a panic attack.

What? Like an anxiety disorder?
Panic disorder?

Full-blown derealization?

She reads a lot of medical journals.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

So you probably know
that panic attacks are pretty normal,

and they could happen to anyone.

- I've even had a couple recently.
- You did?

Yeah.

The trick is just slow things down
and get yourself back into a nice,

calm rhythm.

My son does a thing where he recites

the four kinds of Antarctic penguins,
and that helps him.

That's dumb.

Oh, well,
maybe you can recite something else

like the different blood types.

That's smart.

O, A, B, AB.

O, A, B, AB.

Thank you.

I think we better get out of here.

Got an emergency at the Burger Shack.

[Megan laughs]

Mmm! Oh, my God, these are the best
chicken fingers that I have ever eaten.

Yeah, and he's super picky.
He only eats crunchy things.

I sampled the chicken fingers
at all the different eateries on campus.

This one definitely
has the crispiest breading.

[laughs] You're the best.

[man] Okay, we gotta bounce.

Time for me to go fall asleep in the quad
for three or four hours, but hang later?

Yeah, what dorm are you in?

I wanna live in the dorms.

- Wow, I'm assuming orientation went well.
- Very.

Well, hon, I hate to tell you,
but you missed the deadline

for student housing this semester.

Wrong.

I already went to the housing office,
and lucky for me,

someone got hit by a car.

He just broke his legs.

He'll be back next semester,
but his room is available.

Dorms? On campus? Not home?

What does Rudolph think of all this?

- I don't know, I skipped my meeting.
- What?

- Why would you?
- I don't need it.

I'm doing great at college
without services.

Okay, we're not finished
with this conversation.

School called.

You punched a milkshake?

Um, no, I didn't punch it, I bopped it.

- Like that. Ooh!
- Oh! Casey.

Oh, that always makes a bigger mess
than I think it will.

Hey. What's going on?

Casey punched a milkshake and my folder.

I'm living in the dorms.

Yeah?

Wow, I loved living in the dorm.

What do you mean,
"punched a milkshake?"

You have to stop punching things.

I agree.

Oh, do you?
'Cause someone punched a hole in the wall.

Maybe we can hang a Merry Christmas sign
on Nate's milkshake, huh?

Okay, bye.

Yeah, better "okay, bye."

Can you do me a favor and put
the microwave and the toaster in a box?

Thanks.

At least we'll have half of them
living in the house.

Yeah, but we have to keep the violent one.

What the hell?

Do you think Edison's terrarium
will fit in here?

I think he'll like dorm life.
He's always been a bit of a night owl.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
they don't allow pets at Denton.

What? Why would they not allow pets?

I'm sure they do.

Yeah, no.

No waterbeds either.

And definitely no pets on waterbeds.
That would be a disaster.

But I need Edison.

The last time I tried to sleep away
from Edison, I got arrested.

So stay at home.
Why do you wanna live in the dorms anyway?

Because the freshman survival guide says
that students who throw themselves

into dorm life are more likely to succeed.

And I wanna be close to the Tasty Trio.

Who?

My new friends.
I'm reinventing myself as funny and cool.

Why? You're already fine... ish.

No.

Well, maybe fine's overstating it,
but, you know, you're decent.

This is who I was.

I don't wanna be that guy anymore.

Fine. I'll help you.

Good.

Wow, okay.

Turns out you just need an official letter

and you can get your dumb tortoise
registered as an emotional support animal.

That is the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.

Yes, and it's great.

Mark my words,

if I find one drop of turtle feces
in my duffel bag,

I will poop on your bed.

That seems fair.

So...

I guess I'm moving into the dorms.

Hey, it's gonna be great.

You don't know that.

I don't know that.

Maybe this is a terrible idea.

How about we go case the joint?

So yesterday Mitchell shaved his entire
body to get down on his time.

Now he's just prickly all over
like a pudgy cactus.

Do you want the number
for our couples therapist?

- [Luisa sighs]
- [cell phone chimes]

Oh.

- Who's that?
- Paige.

I'm watching her plants
while she's at college.

I am a bit of a plantaholic myself.

I make my own soil.
It's a proprietary blend.

One part fruit peels, two parts dung.
It really does the trick.

I don't really know what I'm doing.
I've never had succulents.

Oh, my Lord and Taylor.

I love succulents. Let me help you.

- Oh, no...
- You're calling me.

I'm coming over.

She's bringing dung.

Do you think it's too late
for me to cancel being here?

I've had a really long day.

Maybe if I just back out slowly.

Oh, now you're talking.

How did Sam's orientation go?

He wants to live in the dorms, and he
skipped his disability services meeting.

I'm sorry, that sucks.

But it's up to him whether
he signs up for services or not.

I know.

He has to do it himself.

- I know.
- You can't do it for him.

I know.

Hi.

Hypothetically speaking,
let's say a student on the spectrum,

adorable, brown hair, named Sam Gardner,

missed his appointment

to determine his eligibility for services.

Could I turn in his paperwork
on his behalf?

Or if you have the time,
I could go through it with you now.

I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Is this appointment for you?

Oh, no. I'm not...

Then the hypothetical student would need
to reschedule the appointment himself.

Okay.

Um, well, do you think you could, maybe,

just give him a ring
to speed up the process?

Like maybe a friendly
"Welcome to Denton" call.

He's really good at returning phone calls.

No, but he can call me.

- Hypothetically.
- Is Rudolph here?

- We kind of know each other.
- Mm-mmm.

We had a good... okay.

[Sam] When a penguin molts,
they're no longer waterproof...

Why do you have your sweatshirt?
It's 80 degrees outside.

So people know I belong here.

...forcing them away from the place
they feel most at home.

Yo, what's up? I'm Sam.

W-What?

- Your name can't be Sam. I'm Sam.
- Cool.

Two Sams. I'll be Sam G.

I'm Sam G.

We're off to a great start then.

Do you have a middle name?
Maybe you could go by that.

Okay, well, welcome to our room.

I gave you the bed near the window

because it's better,
and this one had a weird stain on it.

Hmm.

[pounding, clacking]

Do they play that game a lot?

Only till, like, 1:00 a.m.

Oh, no.

Cindy. [gasps]

What you did to this plant
is basically waterboarding.

Okay, but how do I fix it?

I need to send Paige proof-of-life.

Well, short of buying it
a tiny scuba suit,

just leave it alone.

Um, leaving things alone
isn't exactly my strength.

You ever been to a desert?
You know what the weather's like there?

No more watering. Back off, lady.

[sighs]

[squeaking]

[Casey sighs]

Is it always this squeaky?

I'm not sure. I mean, I usually don't open
and close it 35 times, but you do you.

Pretty soon you're gonna want him
to do someone else.

I'm gonna go grab dinner
with my lacrosse team.

You got friends here,
or do you wanna join us?

I have friends here.

[both] Tasty Trio! Tasty Trio!

Tasty Trio!

[Sam] Molting requires that you look
a lot worse before you can look better.

Sorry, dude, 15 tamales means 15 tamales.

Digest it.

Now you gotta pay the price.
A tasty trim by the Tasty Trio.

- Tasty Trio! Tasty Trio! Tasty Trio!
- What the hell am I watching?

Hi, Tasty Trio.

Aw, hey, Stan.

[Sam] Even though every penguin molts,

they rarely molt together.

It's universal but lonely.

I guess they weren't my friends.

Good. Those guys are incredibly,
incredibly lame.

I thought by preparing for college,

it'd be better than high school,
but it turns out it's the same.

I can't reinvent myself.

Sam...

despite what Mom would have you believe,

the universe doesn't revolve around you.

I mean,
this transition would be hard for anybody.

You think the guy who just got
his haircut's having a good time?

I didn't ask him,
but his hair looked terrible.

Did I ever tell you
about my first day at Clayton?

I couldn't figure out how to buy food.

I cried three times
in three different bathrooms.

It was awful.

I'd say you're doing better,
but you punched a milkshake.

Bopped.

Hey, if you want...

we can be each other's
emotional support animal.

That role is reserved for Edison,

but maybe

you could be my emotional support human.

Fine.

Hey.

You forgot your sweatshirt.

Later, Sam.

He remembered my name.

[Elsa] Hey.

For the dorms.

I've been over-watering you,
metaphorically,

so if this is something you really want,
go for it.

Thank you, but I've decided not
to start sleeping there just yet.

I think Edison will be more comfortable
at home.

Okeydokey.

You're trying not to,
but you're smiling so big right now.

No, I'm not.

Hey, Casey.

It was sweet of you to go to Denton
with your brother today.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I get it, you just had to help.

You know, you're not as different from me
as you'd like to believe.

That is the meanest thing
you've ever said to me.

And I'm not above bopping that tea.

Oh, well, I know you're not.

[sniffs]
Why does it smell like crap in here?

Oh, that's Kathy's dung.
Look how good Cindy looks.

Earlier today, I wasn't even sure
if she was gonna make it.

Oh. You're like a plant EMT.

[laughs] Look at us.
Saving lives left and right.

[cell phone chimes]

Who's that?

Oh, Chuck.

Someone stole his Omaha steaks
off his porch.

That's terrible. People can be so mean.

[clears throat] Plants look great.

♪ If you won't leave me, then I won't go ♪

♪ If you can't see me
Guess I'm a shadow ♪

♪ If I say sorry, would you let go? ♪

♪ It's the only thing we know ♪

♪ If you don't need me, say it ain't so ♪

♪ And if you won't lead me
Who will I follow? ♪

♪ If I say sorry, would you come home? ♪

♪ It's the only thing we know ♪

♪ If you won't leave me, then I won't go ♪

♪ And if you don't lead me
Who will I follow? ♪

♪ If I say sorry, would you let go? ♪

♪ It's the only thing we know ♪

♪ If you don't need me, say it ain't so ♪

♪ And if you can't see me
Guess I'm a shadow ♪

♪ If I say sorry, would you come home? ♪

♪ It's the only thing we know ♪