Atypical (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Best Laid Plans - full transcript

[Sam] When I was younger,
my mom created a board game.

It was called Sam Takes a Walk.

I know, good title.

- Hurry!
- Sam!

[coughs]

You just dropped a huge bomb on me.

Before we go to that lock-in,
I need to process in silence.

Okay, but...

It was about a little boy
with brown hair named Sam

who walked through his neighborhood
and encountered different obstacles...

- Now can we...
- Nope.



[Sam] ...a dog barking,
a mailman delivering a package,

an unexpected visitor.

Do you wanna come in and talk?

So do you remember the parents
from the peer group?

I thought you knew.
You were on the e-mail chain.

I wouldn't have said all that
if I knew people were here.

- I'm sorry. I understand if you wanna go.
- No.

Can I at least have a beer?

Of course.

[Sam] And your task was
to handle each obstacle appropriately,

saying the right thing.

Is it that hard to text?

"I'm sorry, I can't make it.
I'm running late."

It's called manners.



[Sam] Instead of acting out
using replacement behaviors.

The thing is
the obstacles weren't really obstacles.

They were usually just other people
living in the world.

Which can sometimes feel very problematic.

Is everything okay?

It's Elsa.

"Hi, honey bear." Bear emoji.

"Can you please pick up
a fire extinguisher on the way home?"

- [pop music playing]
- [man vocalizing]

[woman] Hello, Mr. Graham.

♪ Bad boy run wild ♪

♪ I'm on a mission now ♪

♪ Won't stop ♪

♪ No destination, but it's worth a shot ♪

♪ You gotta let it go
You gotta let it go ♪

♪ Run wild, I'm on a mission now
Won't stop ♪

♪ No destination, but it's worth a shot ♪

♪ Ah! You gotta let it go
You gotta let it go ♪

[laughing]

- Yeah, so we should probably...
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- [laughs] Yeah.

Let's go, honey bear.

- Awesome.
- [engine turns over]

I know they lock you in,
but do they lock you out?

- Sam!
- Sorry.

Okay, Sam...

I have my answer.

To what?

Sam Gardner, your timing is terrible...

telling me that you love me
right before we both go off to college.

Where we're gonna be separated
not only by hundreds of miles,

but also by the cultural differences
dictated by our specific institutions.

- What?
- And my summer is so packed:

my internship, babysitting.

I leave for my camp job in six weeks.

I gotta find someone to take care
of my plants while I'm away.

- My mom certainly can't handle them all.
- Okay.

But even with all that, I accept.

- Accept what?
- We can get back together.

But, Sam, I want a summer of love.

Okay, every day packed
with adventure and romance,

every moment dreamy and perfect.

Okay.

- Can we go inside now?
- Sure.

Let the romance commence.

[lock rattles]

We're locked out.

[theme music playing]

[Briggs]
All right, huddle up, let's do this.

Now, we've never met, but you all seem
a lot nicer than the girls track team.

[laughs]

[sighs]

You're not Miss Whitaker.

No. No, I am not. Thanks for noticing.

I'm Coach Briggs.

Miss Whitaker is on her honeymoon,
but unfortunately, there was a hurricane.

She's dead?

No! No, not at all.

Just a flight delay.

Sorry. Maybe I should have led with that.

But I got 16 credits
toward my social work degree,

so I figured I'm the next best thing.

So if there's anything you wanna know...

How tall are you?

Do you wanna hear me sing?
[sings high note]

If you're gonna blow that whistle,
can you warn us first?

Nice teeth. Strips?

Okay, why don't we stick to me
asking the questions?

Miss Whitaker left me a list.

How's everybody's summer?

Excellent. Paige wanted a summer of love,
and I'm very good at it.

So far, we've had three picnics,
two moonlit walks and one blow job...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Next question.

How's everybody feeling
about life beyond high school?

Good. I've already got the layout of
the Denton dentistry department memorized.

You're going to Denton?
That's my alma mater. Anybody else here?

Nice! Teammates. You could all hang out.

We're all in different departments.
I'll never see them.

Agreed. This is where it ends.

Okay, well, I'm sure you'll do great
wherever you go.

Probably not.

I read that four out of five students
with autism don't graduate college.

- And there's six of us.
- Four out of five?

- That's a lot.
- Yep.

[Sam] Four out of five. Four out of five.

[Briggs]
Hold on. I tell this to the girls...

[Sam] Four out of five. Four out of five.
Four out of five.

Four out of five. Four out of five.
Four out of five. Four out of five.

- Four out of five...
- [Noelle] How big are you feet?

[Sam] While any expedition
can be physically grueling...

- [Briggs] Size 40.
- the most challenging aspects are mental,

dealing with the fear, the isolation,

the doubt.

[cell phone vibrates]

[sighs]

I'm gonna get
to this this weekend.

We either need to get a power sander
or just an area rug.

Or we can keep it as a reminder

that if you're not gonna show up
somewhere, you should call. Ha ha.

- Seriously? I told you I was sorry, Elsa.
- I know. I know.

And I need to be more careful.
Those candles are a mess.

[sighs] It's just,
we were gonna talk about things...

- Elsa.
- ...and then we didn't.

And it seems like you're avoiding it.

No. I'm not avoiding anything.

Okay.

I have to get to work.

I have to make banana bread, so...

The hell you doing?
You getting pretty for a run?

Nothing. Shut up.

[Sam] Four out of five.
Four out of five. Four out of five.

Sam, check it.

They look great on my tuchus

and the wrinkle twins
can dance free all day.

You should be wearing
your Techtropolis shirt.

Gotcha covered, rule book.

Now, Sammy, listen up,
all right, this is important,

maybe the most important thing
I have ever said.

Nursing school is about to begin,
and I know myself.

Beneath this chiseled jawline
and happy-go-lucky personality

- lurks a deep self-destructive streak.
- So?

So you cannot
let me screw up nursing school.

Oh, okay.

- You promise?
- Yes, I promise.

I need you to say the words: I promise
not to let you screw up nursing school.

I promise not to let you
screw up nursing school.

[sighs] Awesome. Okay, that's a load off.

So, what you up to?
What you scribble scrabbling?

It's too upsetting. I can't talk about it.

Lay it on me. I'm a healer.
Not only of bodies, but souls.

Four out of five students on the spectrum
don't graduate college within four years.

That means my chances of success
are very low and I'm basically doomed.

Ah, yes.

Okay, well, first, let's close
the serial killer doodles, yeah?

Great. And now a parable.

There once was a young lad,
let's call him the Dragon.

One day, an establishment opened up
down the street from the Dragon's home,

a weed dispensary.

Obviously,
the Dragon was there opening minute

to peruse the premises
and sample the wares.

Wait, are you the Dragon?

Doy.

The shop was bigger than he expected,
so many options:

bud and drops and edibles
as far as his glasses could see.

And he felt in that moment doomed.

He would never be able
to sample everything.

There were just not enough hours
in the day.

So what did you do?

The Dragon got organized.
He planned. He prepared.

He set aside a four-day weekend
to lie prone on his couch

and watch the VHS of Fantasia over
and over, and you know what he did?

He conquered.

Smart Dragon.

That's right. So get organized, plan,
be prepared, you'll be fine.

And if not, I know a place I can take you
where you can get high as hell.

[cell phone vibrates]

- Hi, Paige.
- Hey, Sam.

I wanted to let you know
there's been a slight change

in the itinerary for our "Most Romantic
Movies of All Time" film festival,

aka Smooch-a-palooza. [laughs]

We're gonna watch
When Harry Met Sally tonight

and then Love Actually tomorrow.

[sighs] It just feels like a Meg Ryan day.

[Sam] Four out of five. Four out of five.

Sorry, Paige. I can't come over today.

I have something I have to do.

Ah, well, no problem, that's okay.

You know, I actually prefer
to watch Meg alone anyway.

I pretend it's just the two of us sitting
on my couch talking about boys.

[sighs] It is so good to be back.

I love my aunt and uncle,
and Florida is nice,

but after a while,
I don't love them that much,

and Florida isn't that nice. [laughs]

I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.

I know. Since Slurpee night.

Yeah, Slurpee night.

That was fun.

So fun.

I'm so glad I have a friend like you.

I haven't had a best girlfriend
since I was little.

It's nice.

Easy.

Yeah, easy. Totally easy.

[Evan] What is going on here?

Hey, how is this banana bread
so delicious?

Oh, I used the fancy butter.

There's fancy butter?

Hey, you gotta try this banana bread.
It's amazing.

I'm not really hungry.

What are you talking about? You run
100 miles a day. You're always hungry.

Yeah, well, sometimes even little piggies
like me stop stuffing our face.

Everything okay with you two?

You and me? No, we're a mess.
We should spend some time apart.

[exhales]

[Casey sighs]

Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm just a jerk today. I don't feel great.

- So we're okay?
- Yeah.

We're good. We're good.

[sighs] That's great.

Because Beth and my mom are headed up
to Vermont next weekend

for the maple syrup festival,
so I thought maybe you could come over.

Yeah, maybe.

Um... Yeah, I've just gotta see
what's going on that day.

[Elsa] I'm glad I burned his stupid bed.

He deserved it.

Honestly, not only is this Megan woman
now participating

in our first-responder trainings,

he's also having drinks with her
and her group.

I mean, if he wants a group,
I have a group. Our group is fun.

Our group is not fun.

Not really, no.

What am I supposed to do?
I can't keep setting things on fire.

I don't know, but it is amazing
you're doing that around the headphones.

It's just years of practice.

- I need to infiltrate.
- What?

I need to get in there.

You know what these groups are like.

They all just sit around gossiping
about their spouses.

I don't think that's true.

Oh, Mitchell took up biking. I can't even
stand to look at him in those shorts.

He looks like a fish with a man's head.

Oh, I'm doing it, the gossip.

I did it, I did the gossip thing, I know.

- Hey. Dinner's ready.
- Oh, this looks good.

You know, I was thinking the next time
you hang out with your peer group...

maybe I could come.

Okay, well, we're meeting at a bar
later this week,

but they're kind of Megan's friends.

One of them still calls me Dave.

Well, they're meeting at a bar, so a bar's
a public place. I can go to a bar.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.

Case, where's your brother?

Um... Oh, he's not in there,
so I'm out of ideas.

Feast your eyes.

My official Denton student ID.

You can now call me
Denton student 9783210.

- Aww, honey.
- Ha, look at that smile.

College! This is so exciting.

- Yeah, it is.
- Casey, take a picture of us.

Okay, no reason I should be in it

- as a member of this family.
- [camera shutter clicks]

[Elsa] Beautiful.

[Doug] So you went to campus?

Correction, I spent all day on campus.

I walked the routes to my classes.

I picked up a complimentary copy
of the freshman survival guide,

and I scoped out the best cafs.

That's college for cafeteria.

Oh, I was so confused.

Oh, and I stopped by the bookstore
and got a new soft hoodie.

[Elsa gasps] Sam G the bumblebee.

[buzzes]

I need to get one of those. Denton Dad.

Now, all I have to do is register
for classes on the 27th

when online scheduling starts.

Honey, you know you can qualify for early
registration through disability services.

Your appointment's not for a few weeks,
but I can call and move it up.

No need. I'm completely prepared
for normal registration.

Roald Amundsen said, "Victory awaits him
who has everything in order."

- So does a smack in the head.
- [Elsa] Case!

Honey, why aren't you eating?

I have a stomachache.

Oh, I see.

What do you see?
Why are you saying it like that?

[chuckles]

Nothing, it's just that
ever since you were little,

whenever you get stressed about something,
you get a tummy ache.

First dance recital, tummy ache.

Kindergarten spelling bee, tummy ache.

First ever track meet,

you guessed it, folks, tummy ache.

Can someone pass the peas, please?

I'm just saying as someone
who has known your tummy

since it was born, it's a pattern and...

Can I borrow these?
There's a noise that's bothering me.

- No!
- Yeah, I just need them for a sec.

- Come on, we share.
- These are mine!

Come on. [clears throat]

Carry on.

Ugh! Can't wait to go to college!

Does it ever occur to you
to just leave your brother alone?

Never.

How's your tummy feeling?

Right as rain.

[groans]

[Elsa] Case.

You okay?
- Um...

You all right?

I mean, what are the odds, appendicitis?

Oh, we're just lucky
they caught it before it burst.

Told you it wasn't anxiety.

You owe me an apology and $300.

Why $300?

Severe emotional damages.

Not happening. I'm gonna go find a doctor
to see when we can get out of here, okay?

You know...

no one really knows
what causes appendicitis.

Stop.

So technically,
it could very well still be stress.

- Stop.
- Feeling torn between two people, perhaps?

Nurse!

- This lady banged a bartender...
- Mm-mmm.

Hi, Sam.

I need to talk to you,
and you didn't answer my last text so...

thought I would just toodle over.

I've been busy getting ready for college,
and my sister had an organ removed,

so it's been a lot of chaos
in the house to block out.

- An organ?
- Appendix.

Oh, okay, well those are useless.

I was born without one, you know?

That only happens to one out
of a hundred-thousand people.

We Hardaways are just constantly
bucking statistics.

[Sam] Four out of five. Four out of five.
Four out of five.

Anyway, I've been thinking,
and our summer so far has been dreamy.

- Four out of five...
- Which I really needed.

I wanna put my best foot forward
in college.

Four out of five...

- I really doubted myself in high school.
- Four out of five...

Hid my light under a bushel.

Which I know is hard to believe
because it shines so bright anyway,

but that was me at a six.

Four out of five. Four out of five.
Four out of five.

- But no more.
- Four out of five...

College means I get to be my most
authentic self, Paige-ier than ever.

Time to let Paige out of the cage.

And I just cannot have any unfinished
business hanging over my head, so...

[sighs] I want us to have sex.

Four out of five. Four out of five.
Four out of fi...

Y-You wanna have sex?

I wanna have sex.

One thing I learned from Sam Takes a Walk

is that it's not always easy
to get where you're going.

There are literally dozens of things
that can derail an expedition:

faulty equipment...

It was in Zahid's shoe?

No.

[Sam] Nowhere to make camp...

[Elsa] Sam, honey, we're home.

I'm bored.

[Paige sighs]

- [TV playing]
- [Sam] Bears...

Dad, I thought you were watching the game
at the bar.

They're out of wings. That's a no go.

Commercial break, gotta pee.

This is ridiculous.

No one in history has ever had
this much trouble having sex.

I'm leaving for my camp counselor job
on Saturday morning.

I mean, it is like the universe
is conspiring against us.

I haven't seen your dad
since the Olive Garden. He looks shorter.

Sam, that's it, the Olive Garden.

We have bad romantic karma from when
you broke my heart into a million pieces

at my favorite pasta haven.

We need to take back the Olive Garden.

Like, go there for dinner?

And appetizers.

Friday night, my parents are
at their Zumba class on Fridays

so we can just come back here
after dinner.

[sighs] It'll be our last chance.

That sounded really dire,
like in a horror movie, but it kind of is.

So, based on what you learned
and heard today,

what would you do differently
the next time

you encounter someone who may have ASD?

Maybe approach the individual
a little more calmly.

If I noticed he was having trouble making
eye contact, I'd lower the flashlight.

Oh, I'm sorry,
was that just meant for the cops?

- Sergeant Mom here. [laughs]
- [murmuring]

All right, so we're all done here.

If you guys have any questions,
we'll stick around afterwards.

[Elsa] Whoo!

So good, I mean really, really great.

I can't believe you put all this together.
We all found it really helpful.

Oh, good.
Well, I didn't do it all by myself.

Have you met Megan?

She's an administrator
at Oaks County Hospital.

Nice to meet you.

- Hi, I'm Elsa.
- Hi.

- The wife.
- Oh.

Of who?

[grunting] Thank you.

I've been trying to stand for,
like, ten minutes.

Can you come over every morning
and do that for me when I wake up?

I could. No one would miss me.

I'm sorry, I'm fine. Everything's fine.

Okay, I'm going back down.

It's just...

I have tried so hard
to get Doug to forgive me,

and after he punched Nick, we were
supposed to have this big final talk,

but he stood me up,
and I can't become a smoker again.

But how am I supposed to get him
to just sit down and hash all of this out?

Oh, I shouldn't give you any advice.

I'm not really sleeping.
I'm giant and stressed.

This morning, I started crying
because I was so proud of my microwave.

Please.

- You need to loosen your grip.
- What?

Look, you can force Doug
to answer you now,

which might end up fine
or with the two of you separating.

Or you can let him come to you
when he's ready.

The result might be the same,
or it might not.

You're gonna be a good mom.

[laughs, mutters]

[Julia sighs]

[exhales] Yeah.

- [laughs] Thank you.
- Thank you.

Oh, God. [groans]

Are you okay, miss?

[sighs]

I think I'm having contractions. Do you
have a room where my water can break?

- Knock knock.
- Oh, thank God, I'm so bored.

You look pathetic.

I brought Twizzlers.

You brought me your favorite candy?

- You're welcome. Scooch.
- [laughs]

Your bed is so cozy and warm.

It's all the farting I've been doing.

You're so gross.

You didn't know that?

- Evan.
- Hey.

No more appendix?

It's all gone. I miss it.

[Evan] I'm sorry.

Now that banana bread incident is starting
to make a lot more sense:

Your appendix hated banana bread.

Maybe I should go.

No, stay.

I need my loved ones around me.
We don't know how much time I have left.

[chuckles] I got you this.

- A sheep?
- Yeah. It's a little weird,

- but there's a story behind it.
- Super weird.

[laughs]
Oh, my God, look at it, it's angry.

- [growls]
- It's so angry.

[laughing]

Get it away.

- [Izzie] Movie time?
- [Casey] Yep.

Get in.

Here.

- Thank you.
- Okay, guys.

What have we got?

[gasps] Hi, Sam!

Are you ready
to take back the Olive Garden?

Oh, I can feel it,
the gods of love are pleased with us.

Good news. Your mom said that she can
babysit my succulents while I'm gone.

- Good.
- I know! It's so exciting, isn't it?

Oh, our sex-iversary, June 28th.

Probably around...

9:45 p.m., I need an hour to digest.

Wait, June 28th?

I missed the first day of registration
for classes!

Wait, no! Where are you going?

There's gonna be no good ones left,

and then I'm gonna get the hard ones
and then I'm gonna fail.

No, no, Sam, sit back down.
Okay, we can still salvage this.

Please, just not here.

Have a breadstick. They're warm.

This is all your fault.

You distracted me with your sex talk.

I can't wait for you to leave!

We were gonna take back the Olive Garden!

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

I'm getting ready
to go meet those guys. You ready?

Um... why don't you go without me?

I mean, it's really more your thing.

Really?

Yes. Have fun.

Look...

you're right that I have
been avoiding having...

our big talk because I don't...

I don't know what to say.

Okay, but it if we're gonna talk now, I...

No, no, no.
We can do it on your time line.

Just know I can't wait forever.

And one more thing. Um...

I didn't light a candle in there.

I was smoking a cigarette.

A secret cigarette.

And part of it fell on your bed
and whoosh.

So I smoke now.

At least I did once. I...

I hide them with the clothespins.

Okay.

Okay.

[door opens, closes]

[sighs]

[rumbling, stomping]

What are you doing
stomping around like a water buffalo?

Thanks to Paige, I missed the first day
of registering for classes.

And that's Paige's fault?

Yes, yes, because she distracted me
with the promise of sex.

Hmm. So this is the problem
with the fact I slap you so often

is that it no longer has meaning.

Right now is when you really deserve it.

- I'll do it anyway.
- Hey!

She wasn't trying
to distract you, dumb-ass.

She loves you,
and she wanted you to be her first.

And you acted like a total dude about it
and got distracted on your own.

No.

Maybe.

- Oh.
- Yeah. Look...

I will make fun of Paige

and her silly talkity-talk
and her hair bows all day long,

but that lady gets you,

and you're lucky to have her.

Did they let you keep your appendix
in a jar?

Is that an option?

Damn it.

Where's Evan?

I don't know.

Hey. You leaving?

Yeah, I thought I'd let you
get some sleep.

Well, wait.

You never told me the story
about the sheep.

- The sheep that you hate?
- I don't hate it.

I don't.

Look, I don't care if you hate the sheep.

He's a weird little guy.

It's just...

I don't know what's going on with you.

You haven't been yourself lately.

[exhales, sobs] I know.

Oh, hey...

I just feel like...

like everything is so good
in my life right now,

and I don't wanna do something
to mess it up.

That's so dumb.

[laughs] Yeah.

Remember when we first met

and you heard that rumor that...

I ate a live sheep?

Yeah, I've still never seen conclusive
evidence that that's not true.

[laughs] Well...

that angry-faced little dude
up there is just to remind you

that no matter what...

even if you ate a live sheep...

I'm always gonna love you.

Always.

- [sobs] That's so...
- [laughs] Come here.

- [Casey blubbers]
- Very emotional today.

Maybe my appendix was where
all my tough-guy qualities were held.

- [laughing]
- And now it's gone.

That does sound like how science works.

- I love you.
- Hmm.

I love you, too.

[Sam] The thing about any expedition,
even a walk around the block,

is that you can never be fully prepared.

Everything okay?

Yeah. He just had to get home.

Hmm.

Um, hey. I'm gonna sleep over
at Evan's next weekend.

You think you could cover for me?

Um...

Yeah. Yeah.

Cool.

Oh, hello.

Come to tell me
how I've ruined your life again?

I definitely don't think that.

Well, all of Olive Garden
thinks that you do.

And the fact that I got free dessert
does not make it better.

Paige, I'm sorry.

I got stuck thinking
about the four out of five,

and then I got stuck thinking about sex,

and sometimes it's hard for me to think
about more than one thing at a time.

I know.

And I'm sorry that I distracted you.
I know you've been worried about college.

Sometimes I just forget that you have
challenges that I don't even think of.

It's okay.

Did you get all the classes you wanted?

All except one.

I ended up having to take
a sociology course called "Ethics."

Sounds dumb.

Well, I leave tomorrow,

and my parents are downstairs,

so sex is definitely out
until I come home for Thanksgiving.

It'll give us more to be thankful for.

Okay.

And, Sam...

I know you're gonna be
the one out of five.

'Cause you're my one in a million.

That doesn't really make sense.

♪ P-A-R-A-D with me ♪

♪ There is nothing left to ruin
Yeah, we finally got free ♪

♪ How's that for manifesting
Our destiny? ♪

♪ P-A-R-A-D with me ♪