Atypical (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Antarctica - full transcript
Interested in having a girlfriend, Sam researches dating advice and puts it to the test. Meanwhile, his overprotective mom Elsa must learn to let go.
I'm a weirdo.
That's what everyone says.
Sometimes, I don't know what people mean
when they say things,
and that can make me feel alone even
when there are other people in the room.
And all I can do is sit and twiddle,
which is what I call
my selfstimulatory behavior,
when I flick a pencil against
a rubber band at a certain frequency
and think about all the things that
I could never do,
like research penguins in Antarctica
or have a girlfriend.
I don't know.
I'd like to go to Antarctica.
It's quiet there...
except in the rookeries,
where the penguins breed.
Those aren't quiet. No, sir.
I'm finished with my answer.
Great.
Almost done for today.
Good session, Sam.
I can see your bra. It's purple.
Um, there was one more thing
I wanted to discuss.
And I don't need your answer now,
but I'm asking all my clients
if they'd be willing
to donate their brains for research.
Donate my brain?
After you die.
Oh.
Yeah. There's such a shortage
of brain matter available,
and, you know, there's no
substitute for the real thing.
Just think about it.
Okay.
And, hey, Sam,
what you said earlier
about having a girlfriend?
People in the spectrum date, you know?
You can try to find someone,
if you wanted to.
How?
You just have to put yourself out there.
Out where?
Buses are okay,
but I don't like the feeling
of the seat on my back,
so I sit like this.
I don't know how people stand it.
Maybe they've developed thicker back
skin from riding the bus so much.
There's a type of Antarctic cod
that has a special protein
in its blood that
stops it from freezing.
Antifreeze in fish.
I was just thinking about Antarctic cod.
Antarctica is the most remote continent
on the planet.
It has 90% of the world's ice,
but it's considered a desert
because the annual rainfall
is only about eight inches.
You wouldn't think it was
a desert when you looked at it.
That's why I like it.
It's not what it looks like.
Sam! Dinner!
So, I ordered those Tshirts
that Sam likes, in bulk...
you know, 100% cotton...
and they switched them to something
that they called "triblend."
So I called the company,
and I spoke to this woman named Rizwana.
I think I was speaking with India.
Mmhmm.
But, anyway, um...
And she found a box of the old ones,
and they sent them free of charge.
They're exactly the right kind.
Mm.
Wow. That is a great story, Mom.
Oh, don't be a dick, honey.
So, Sam,
how was your session with Julia today?
She wants me to donate my brain,
but don't worry, it's after I die.
What, like, for research?
That could be kind of cool.
Absolutely not.
And the queen has spoken.
Well, it's gross, Casey.
You tell Julia, "Thank you, but no."
Okay.
You're so easy to boss around.
I don't care what happens
to my dead brain.
It's either I give it to Julia,
or maggots eat it.
If Mom wants maggots to eat it, fine.
No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.
Kind of is.
I don't care. I'll be dead.
Can we stop talking about you being
dead? You're not going anywhere.
Wow, this chicken's really good, honey.
Thanks. It's a dry rub.
It's a good dry rub.
Julia thinks that I should
put myself out there
and find someone to have sex with.
She didn't say the sex part.
I added that.
My school is crowded, noisy,
and it smells weird,
but it has one thing going for it:
it has lots of girls.
Well, I think every girl is pretty
in her own way,
like a snowflake
in a seasonal Antarctic storm.
But girls don't notice me at all.
Thank you.
Banged a veterinarian
I met online last night.
She had a pet parrot that
repeated everything she said.
"Do me, Brown Sugar!
Do me, Brown Sugar!"
Oh, shit. I think she's racist.
What kind of parrot?
Oh, I don't know. The red rainbow one?
That's a scarlet macaw.
Oh.
Zahid...
do you like dating girls?
Yeah, dude. I like dating girls.
What are you doing?
Going online to try
and find a girl to date.
That's hilarious. I'll help.
Okay, finish this sentence:
"I spend a lot of time
thinking about..."
Easy. Penguins.
And, especially,
I'll say chinstrap penguins.
They're my favorite bird,
but all four types
of Antarctic penguins are good.
Did you know early explorers thought they
were fish and classified them that way?
Not birds, fish.
I'm gonna put "sports."
Hey, kids.
What you doing?
Casey's helping me sign up
for online dating,
but hates all my answers,
so she's lying.
Wow.
Mmhmm.
You're a little young for that.
You know, I saw an episode on 20/20.
There's actually something
called "catfishing,"
and it has nothing to do with fishing.
Bye, Mom.
Should we take another picture
with Edison?
I read online that girls love animals.
Maybe like this?
I think this might go quicker
if you just leave.
Damn it.
Careful. What are you doing?
Honey, can you get that for me?
Which one?
Three to five.
This room, it's, like, so disorganized.
Such a mess.
You okay?
Yes, fine. Totally fine.
Yeah.
Sam's gonna start dating,
so that's something.
Do you remember these?
Sam's emotion cards?
Yeah.
"Someone's making this face,
they might be sad,
so you should try to be kind to them."
A woman in the support group,
her son was just diagnosed,
so I said I'd throw
some things together.
This was the exact face he made
when I surprised him with Mets tickets.
Remember that?
Yeah, I do.
I wanted us to just have one thing
in common.
Just one thing.
Me and my dad used to go
to the ball games all the time.
I think it's all right that
Sam's gonna try to date.
I mean, you and I weren't
much older when we met,
and that was fun, right?
We had a good time.
Sam's not like us.
I know, but he has to start...
Do you know that every time
the phone rings, I jump?
Every time.
I think he's crossed the street again
with his eyes closed...
or he had a freakout in a store
or he's hit a police officer.
Every time the phone rings.
I know. I know.
But maybe now it's time for us
to take a step back.
Spend time together, just the two of us,
you know, get back to where
we were before all of this.
Maybe we go on a date.
Hmm?
Or we... we fool around.
Huh?
Yeah, right.
No?
Oh.
You're serious.
I'm not serious.
I'm sorry.
I'm just playing.
Common traits
of autism spectrum disorder include
repetitive behaviors,
difficulty socializing
and persistent, intense preoccupations.
I have a patient who came up
with 95 ways to cook an egg.
Come on in.
Please, sit.
Yeah, thanks.
Oh.
Is everything okay with Sam?
Oh, yes. It's fine.
I just, um...
Sam said you spoke to him about dating.
He mentioned wanting a girlfriend,
so I thought...
I appreciate you're trying to help,
but all the things that make
my son's everyday life difficult...
like reading social cues,
exchanging small talk...
all the things I've helped him
navigate his entire life,
are magnified in dating.
Um...
Dating is almost entirely
nonverbal communication,
and Sam's the most literal
person I know.
Yeah, and there are strategies
that I could teach him.
Are there?
Are there strategies
for when you get your heart broken?
Sam is doing really well.
I mean,
we're 32 days into his senior year,
and he hasn't had a meltdown yet, so...
I don't want to push him.
I mean, relationships are hard enough
for neurotypicals.
I don't want to put that kind
of pressure on my son.
There was a study done
in Toronto a few years ago.
Researchers found that only nine percent
of adults with autism are married,
not because they lack the desire,
but because they don't
know how to do it.
Your son has the same desire
to be loved that we all do.
Why shouldn't he pursue it?
He's not ready yet.
You know,
a lot of parents have a hard time
as their kids become more independent.
It's completely natural.
So if you ever need someone to talk to,
I can refer you to one of my colleagues.
Oh, wow. No, um...
That won't be necessary.
Thank you for your time.
That's okay. I got it. Thanks so much.
Have a great day.
Okay.
When I'm learning something new,
like how to get infinity lives
in a video game or date girls,
I do a lot of research.
I like research.
Insult them.
Something like, "Baby,
those some serious bug eyes you got."
Trust me, brother...
Bug eyes?
quickest way to get a chick
on your dick.
I examine as many sources
as possible.
Yo, yo, mamacita.
Is that a phone in your back pocket?
'Cause that ass is calling to me.
And I ask questions.
Just listen to what they say.
Don't bring up seals
or penguins or whatever.
And don't stare at their boobs.
Wait, slow down.
I'm still on the no penguins part.
What if she likes penguins?
Just assume she doesn't.
The trick is knowing when
to put my research to use.
I'm not great at picking up signals.
Yo, Sammy.
Red over there is making eyes.
What?
That chick.
Bubble Butt by the monitors.
What about her?
Dude, she's smiling right at you.
Oh.
So?
Smile back.
Really?
Wow.
You scared her away
from across the store.
Impressive range, dude.
Oh, no.
I'm sure whoever did this
just feels terrible.
Bailey.
I don't get it.
You're not even friends with Beth.
So? You don't have to be friends
to do what's right.
Sweetie,
hitting someone's face is never right.
Of course you don't get it. You were
the one picking on the fat kids.
I had a pudgy friend.
Besides, Bailey Bennet is a lovely girl,
and she did not deserve to get punched.
Bailey Bennet is a twat.
Casey Gardener, language.
Sometimes a word or phrase
gets stuck in my head,
like on on a loop,
and it just plays over and over
and over and over.
Twat. Twat.
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat...
You got suspended?
You didn't waste any time.
You're gonna miss practice.
They said I could practice.
Twat, twat.
That's good.
At least she's not gonna miss practice.
She punched a pretty girl in the face!
Why does it matter she's pretty?
Twat. Twat.
Twat.
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat.
You're grounded.
All right. That seems fair.
I'm gonna go for a run.
Can I run when I'm grounded, warden?
I'm done. You deal with her.
Go ahead.
Awesome.
Great. Now I'm the bad guy again.
Casey and I are cool. You're always
gonna be the bad guy with her.
Leopards laze each
On plush pillows
Paperback dreams
In their deep doze
Hey, Casey!
I brought you a chocolate cake.
I make amazing cakes.
I won three bakeoffs at my church.
This is my brother Evan.
He drove me here.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay. Thanks for the cake.
Thank you for today.
Twat!
Sam!
Jesus!
Um, hello.
What is wrong with him?
Nothing's wrong with him.
Get away from him.
It's cool. I got it.
All right, bye.
You forgot your chocolate cake!
I'll just leave it on the porch.
You're such an asshole.
My sister doesn't let
anyone beat me up...
Got to do it four times, right?
Ow!
except herself.
So, how's your week?
Well, I still don't have a date.
I scared a girl off
from across the room,
and we had meat loaf twice,
and I hate meat loaf.
How?
My mom just made it in the oven.
I mean,
how did you scare her away?
I don't know. I've been wondering
and wondering and wondering.
Okay. Pretend I'm her. What'd you do?
I just smiled at her like this.
Ah.
I read about it online.
"Making eye contact and smiling
are step one for flirting."
That's what I did. Look.
"Insults equal chick on dick."
Not that part. The eye contact part.
Right,
but we should get to that at some point.
Anyways, the problem is
you're crossing the line
from flirty to creepy.
When you make eye contact,
you have to look away a bit.
But how can I make eye contact
and look away?
I mean, I'm not a mantis shrimp.
All right.
Okay, you make eye contact...
glance away...
make eye contact again.
Otherwise, it can seem scary.
Hold on. Let me write this down.
Okay.
Now, the smile.
You need to turn that down, like, 70%.
70% smaller?
At least.
Try no teeth?
Yeah! That's the one. That's perfect.
They didn't taste purple,
but they were purple carrots.
It's a new kind of carrot, right?
It tasted weird, but it was good.
Okay, don't look,
but there's a couple on my right
that's on possibly
the worst first date ever.
I said don't look!
These two?
She just asked him
if he wanted children.
They haven't even ordered appetizers.
God. There's no coming back from that.
We should tell them what they're in for.
No.
You know, there is a small chance
that you're right.
Yeah?
A night out was a good idea.
Just a small chance?
Yeah.
I'm even wearing...
a thong.
You are?
Me, too.
How's yours? Mine's really uncomfortable.
I feel good. Holds everything in place.
See, this is nice.
Mm.
We needed this.
Mmhmm.
We did.
It's just hard for me
to relax sometimes.
I get so worried about the kids and...
I know. But everything's good.
The kids are great. Everything's fine.
The kids are great?
Oh, come on. Here we go.
No, I just want to hear
why you think the kids are so great.
Why are you getting upset?
I'm not.
You're implying that
I worry over nothing.
Well... I mean, sometimes, you do.
I mean, who cares? Sam wants to date.
That's good. That's a good thing.
He's 18.
It'd be weird if he didn't want to date.
Because, Doug, it's not just dating.
First it's dating,
and then he's graduating,
and then he's moving out into the world.
We can't protect him,
and that's terrifying.
That's what we want for him.
There's a lot we want
that aren't possible for him.
How do you know?
I'm the one that's been with him
for these last 18 years.
You've never been close to him.
You don't even try.
I mean, honestly, there is times
I think you don't even like him.
That's what you think?
I love our son.
I always have. Has it been hard
to connect with him? Yeah, it has been.
I thought he'd be more
like me or like you.
He's not like either one of us
or anyone else I've ever met.
I know.
Yeah.
You remember his ninth birthday?
He wanted an igloo.
And what did I do?
You built it.
Yeah,
I spent 19 hours hauling and stacking
fricking ice blocks into the backyard
just so my son would notice I was there.
So he would like me.
And he wouldn't even go
inside because...
the ice blocks weren't
lined up precisely.
Okay.
You're not the only one in the family
who has an autistic kid, Elsa.
Can I get you anything else?
No. Thank you.
No, thank you.
Not it.
Hey!
Hi.
I just came to get Beth's cake pan back.
Okay.
I could've brought it to school.
Weird.
Should I come in or, um...
I'll just hang here.
Here you go.
It's been washed twice...
once by me and once by my mom.
'Cause that's my mom.
Thanks.
That was nice of you to punch that girl
in the face for my sister.
Oh, yeah, you're welcome.
Hey, do you want to go out sometime?
Go out?
With you?
Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
I'm sorry. I don't really date.
It's just not a distraction I need.
I'm gonna get a track scholarship
and get out of this town.
Oh. Well, fair enough.
I'm probably gonna change your mind
about that dating thing, though.
You know, I kind of grow on people.
Stop the presses!
A girl wants to go out with me.
Oh. Hello.
I got to go.
Her name's Bree, Bree.
And she likes something
called vegan taquitos,
and she has a cat named Simba.
I don't love cats.
Do you think she'd get rid of it?
Do not ask her that.
Where are you gonna go?
I thought about it.
I'll take her to Techtropolis.
Take a date to an appliance store?
I have to go where I'm comfortable.
Oh, my God.
It'll be fun. We can sample different TVs
and see which one has the best clarity.
I know,
but we'll see if she gets it right.
She wants to go for coffee.
Coffee?
Mmhmm.
Who goes out for coffee?
Hey. Relax. This is gonna be okay.
No, it's not.
Yeah, no, it's not.
Being in a loud,
unfamiliar place can be hard for me.
I can't think.
I can't listen. I just freeze.
But... don't worry.
I have a strategy.
Floor here's kind of sticky.
Did you know that some frogs have pads
on their feet
that secrete a thin layer of mucus
so to help them climb things?
What's with the headphones?
Oh. I just turned on
the noisecancellation feature.
Need a little protection
from the racket.
Baby,
those are some serious bug eyes you got.
What?
Mamacita...
your ass is on the phone?
I don't like cats. Would you
be willing to get rid of Simba?
Yo, I'm clocking out.
Can you see my nipples through here?
Yes.
Good. I was standing
in front of the air conditioner.
So, how's it going with the ladies?
I'm not dating anymore.
It's too difficult.
You have to guess what people are
thinking, and not just people, girls.
They think I'm weird.
You are weird. So what?
The French eat snails. That's weird,
but you know they're getting laid.
Hey, look. Red's back.
Ask her out.
Go, go, go!
Go!
Go.
Laser or inkjet?
Oh, uh...
I don't know.
I didn't really do any research.
Well, lucky for you, I love research,
and I know all about these printers.
You should get this one.
The other ones are garbage
and should be set on fire.
Wow. Thanks.
That's actually really helpful.
Would you like to go on a date with me?
That's the reason I came over here,
not to help you with printers.
Okay.
Ow!
Gold rush
Hey, I got... uh!
I got to dig for it
He got a date!
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hon.
You going to hockey?
Yeah.
I shouldn't be home late.
Honey.
I'm sorry about dinner the other night.
I'm just stressed, and...
it was a really nice idea.
It's all right. Oh, listen, I...
I got you something.
You love to dance, right?
You should check this out,
have some fun, maybe make a friend.
You look good.
Sheesh!
I don't even know
if I'll be able to dance anymore.
Mamacita say, "Oh, oh"
Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh"
Everybody say, "Oh, oh"
We got your drummer there,
"Oh, oh"
Mamacita say, "Oh, oh"
Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh"
Thank you so much. That was so much fun!
Oh, you're welcome! You're great.
You're a dancer, huh?
What? Oh, no. I mean, forever ago.
I was the captain
of the dance squad in college.
Oh.
Yeah.
We ranked nationally three times,
almost four.
We were robbed, but whatever.
I'm over it.
Hey, a few of us are gonna go grab
a drink. You want to come?
Um, uh...
Sure.
This is so much fun.
I feel like I'm back in college again.
Want another drink?
Um... no, thanks.
I think I've escaped
my real life long enough.
I don't know why I said that.
I love my life. I love it. Love it.
This one's on me.
When you told me we were having dinner
in the Techtropolis parking lot,
I thought you were kidding.
No, I don't do that.
Oh.
You're very pretty.
Thanks.
I always thought my nose was too big.
A little, but the rest of
your face makes up for it.
Wow.
You're really honest, huh?
Yes. Is that bad?
No. It's refreshing.
Tell me more.
Okay.
I'm really good at fixing computers,
and biology is my favorite subject
in school.
Girls don't like me.
I love penguins,
but I'm not supposed to talk about it.
I've never had sex before,
and I have a pet turtle named Edison,
who's named after Thomas Edison,
but he's not as smart.
You're hilarious.
Thank you.
You never had sex?
No.
Want to?
What are you doing?
I just came to see if you changed
your mind about going out with me.
I brought you this.
What is up with your family
bringing me sweets?
I don't know. I like you.
Why?
Uh...
'Cause most people don't stand up
to assholes, but you do.
Then there was Mel.
Mmhmm.
That was my longest relationship,
like a month.
Wow. A month.
Stop it.
Why am I telling you this?
Let's talk about something else.
What? No. I want to hear about
your month with Mel.
I don't know. I like what I do, I guess.
Mmhmm.
I don't mean my job necessarily.
Just my life.
I wake up when I want.
I do what I want. I go where I want.
Last week, I wanted to go
to the mountains, so I did.
I didn't have to plan anything
or run it by anyone.
I mean, that may be weird, but I just...
I need that.
Is that totally lame or what?
No, that sounds great.
I mean, you're a little old for that,
but, you know?
Thanks.
I think, if it were really, really cold,
like Antarctica cold,
the coldness would feel like a sound.
The cold would be so intense
that you could hear it.
I would like to hear that sound.
I slip softly through
Never been in a dorm. This isn't
what I thought it would smell like.
Yeah. My roommate makes a lot of ramen.
Sometimes,
being touched makes me... jumpy.
It has to be hard touch, uh, pressure.
I like pressure. I don't like soft.
Is that okay to say on the first date?
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
It'll burn, burn,
burn, burn, burn
Burn us both alive
Aah!
What the hell?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What is wrong with you?
Seriously, are you retarded? Is there
something wrong with your brain?
Get the hell out of my room.
Sometimes, when I feel most alone,
I imagine myself in that ice...
frozen, unable to move, but safe.
I thought technical school would be
dumb, but I actually really like it.
Oh, hey. There he is, the "twat" guy.
What's wrong?
Sam?
Here. Careful, it's hot.
Hey, dude, don't feel too bad.
The first time's always a shit show.
My first time was on a PingPong table,
and it collapsed like two seconds in.
My balls got all wrapped up in the net.
Really freaked her out.
How about you, Case?
Was it crappy your first time?
Okay, gross.
I'm not discussing my sex life
in front of my brother.
Not that there's anything to discuss.
Sometimes, I wish I was normal.
Well, dude...
nobody's normal.
In fourth grade,
my biology teacher, Mr. Durocher
he was fat
said penguins are similar to humans...
because once they copulate, they
stay with the same partner for life.
So, what about you?
What's your life like?
Mm.
Well, ironically, when I was in college,
I also dated a girl for about a month.
Mm.
And I am a hairdresser.
Yours is too short.
You're funny. And kind of mean.
Yeah, I'm always mean to people I like.
I think it's 'cause I expect so much.
So you like me.
But according to the 2010 census,
which is the most recent data
I could acquire,
49% of marriages end in divorce.
Sorry. Um...
You know, um...
if you turn the heat up
on your dishwasher,
you won't have those ugly white spots
on the glasses. Just so...
Penguins mate for life.
So penguins aren't like people.
They're better.
I wonder if they ever get tired
of swimming.
They don't.
You know, Casey...
told me what happened...
with the girl.
I wish I had a time machine.
I would go back in time
and never ask her out
and also maybe visit
the Middle Ages because...
jousting.
Look, I don't know about some
of that stuff you're into,
but girls I know about, okay?
And they're tough.
I'm proud of you
for putting yourself out there.
I should never go on another date.
I should just stay away from girls.
Sam, look, you got some stuff
to figure out, but you will.
You're a good guy.
You're sensitive, and you're funny,
and the woman who ends up
with you will be lucky.
You want to marry your best friend.
Edison?
No.
Not your turtle, Sam.
You said my best friend.
He's my best friend.
I just...
I meant you want to be with someone
who appreciates you for what you are.
You know, who loves all
the little odd things about you...
who gets you.
Penguins mate for life, you know?
Yeah?
Well, good for them.
So, how are you feeling now?
Still ready to give up on dating?
I don't know.
My dad said to find someone
who appreciates me for what I am,
which is a weirdo.
We talked a lot.
Glad to hear it.
And that makes sense.
You're easy to talk to.
Yeah.
You're easy to talk to, too,
which is good 'cause,
otherwise, you'd go broke.
When a male gentoo penguin
chooses a mate,
he makes an offering.
He finds a pebble,
often taking the time
to find the smoothest one,
and presents it to the female.
I'm a human,
so it would be weird to offer a pebble.
Julia.
I've decided I want to give you my brain.
Really?
After I die.
Oh, Sam, that's so great.
You're gonna help so many people.
Good smile.
It's not creepy at all.
I've been practicing.
Yeah, I can tell.
If the female places the pebble
in her nest,
she accepts him as a mate.
And as you already know,
penguins mate for life.
That's what everyone says.
Sometimes, I don't know what people mean
when they say things,
and that can make me feel alone even
when there are other people in the room.
And all I can do is sit and twiddle,
which is what I call
my selfstimulatory behavior,
when I flick a pencil against
a rubber band at a certain frequency
and think about all the things that
I could never do,
like research penguins in Antarctica
or have a girlfriend.
I don't know.
I'd like to go to Antarctica.
It's quiet there...
except in the rookeries,
where the penguins breed.
Those aren't quiet. No, sir.
I'm finished with my answer.
Great.
Almost done for today.
Good session, Sam.
I can see your bra. It's purple.
Um, there was one more thing
I wanted to discuss.
And I don't need your answer now,
but I'm asking all my clients
if they'd be willing
to donate their brains for research.
Donate my brain?
After you die.
Oh.
Yeah. There's such a shortage
of brain matter available,
and, you know, there's no
substitute for the real thing.
Just think about it.
Okay.
And, hey, Sam,
what you said earlier
about having a girlfriend?
People in the spectrum date, you know?
You can try to find someone,
if you wanted to.
How?
You just have to put yourself out there.
Out where?
Buses are okay,
but I don't like the feeling
of the seat on my back,
so I sit like this.
I don't know how people stand it.
Maybe they've developed thicker back
skin from riding the bus so much.
There's a type of Antarctic cod
that has a special protein
in its blood that
stops it from freezing.
Antifreeze in fish.
I was just thinking about Antarctic cod.
Antarctica is the most remote continent
on the planet.
It has 90% of the world's ice,
but it's considered a desert
because the annual rainfall
is only about eight inches.
You wouldn't think it was
a desert when you looked at it.
That's why I like it.
It's not what it looks like.
Sam! Dinner!
So, I ordered those Tshirts
that Sam likes, in bulk...
you know, 100% cotton...
and they switched them to something
that they called "triblend."
So I called the company,
and I spoke to this woman named Rizwana.
I think I was speaking with India.
Mmhmm.
But, anyway, um...
And she found a box of the old ones,
and they sent them free of charge.
They're exactly the right kind.
Mm.
Wow. That is a great story, Mom.
Oh, don't be a dick, honey.
So, Sam,
how was your session with Julia today?
She wants me to donate my brain,
but don't worry, it's after I die.
What, like, for research?
That could be kind of cool.
Absolutely not.
And the queen has spoken.
Well, it's gross, Casey.
You tell Julia, "Thank you, but no."
Okay.
You're so easy to boss around.
I don't care what happens
to my dead brain.
It's either I give it to Julia,
or maggots eat it.
If Mom wants maggots to eat it, fine.
No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.
Kind of is.
I don't care. I'll be dead.
Can we stop talking about you being
dead? You're not going anywhere.
Wow, this chicken's really good, honey.
Thanks. It's a dry rub.
It's a good dry rub.
Julia thinks that I should
put myself out there
and find someone to have sex with.
She didn't say the sex part.
I added that.
My school is crowded, noisy,
and it smells weird,
but it has one thing going for it:
it has lots of girls.
Well, I think every girl is pretty
in her own way,
like a snowflake
in a seasonal Antarctic storm.
But girls don't notice me at all.
Thank you.
Banged a veterinarian
I met online last night.
She had a pet parrot that
repeated everything she said.
"Do me, Brown Sugar!
Do me, Brown Sugar!"
Oh, shit. I think she's racist.
What kind of parrot?
Oh, I don't know. The red rainbow one?
That's a scarlet macaw.
Oh.
Zahid...
do you like dating girls?
Yeah, dude. I like dating girls.
What are you doing?
Going online to try
and find a girl to date.
That's hilarious. I'll help.
Okay, finish this sentence:
"I spend a lot of time
thinking about..."
Easy. Penguins.
And, especially,
I'll say chinstrap penguins.
They're my favorite bird,
but all four types
of Antarctic penguins are good.
Did you know early explorers thought they
were fish and classified them that way?
Not birds, fish.
I'm gonna put "sports."
Hey, kids.
What you doing?
Casey's helping me sign up
for online dating,
but hates all my answers,
so she's lying.
Wow.
Mmhmm.
You're a little young for that.
You know, I saw an episode on 20/20.
There's actually something
called "catfishing,"
and it has nothing to do with fishing.
Bye, Mom.
Should we take another picture
with Edison?
I read online that girls love animals.
Maybe like this?
I think this might go quicker
if you just leave.
Damn it.
Careful. What are you doing?
Honey, can you get that for me?
Which one?
Three to five.
This room, it's, like, so disorganized.
Such a mess.
You okay?
Yes, fine. Totally fine.
Yeah.
Sam's gonna start dating,
so that's something.
Do you remember these?
Sam's emotion cards?
Yeah.
"Someone's making this face,
they might be sad,
so you should try to be kind to them."
A woman in the support group,
her son was just diagnosed,
so I said I'd throw
some things together.
This was the exact face he made
when I surprised him with Mets tickets.
Remember that?
Yeah, I do.
I wanted us to just have one thing
in common.
Just one thing.
Me and my dad used to go
to the ball games all the time.
I think it's all right that
Sam's gonna try to date.
I mean, you and I weren't
much older when we met,
and that was fun, right?
We had a good time.
Sam's not like us.
I know, but he has to start...
Do you know that every time
the phone rings, I jump?
Every time.
I think he's crossed the street again
with his eyes closed...
or he had a freakout in a store
or he's hit a police officer.
Every time the phone rings.
I know. I know.
But maybe now it's time for us
to take a step back.
Spend time together, just the two of us,
you know, get back to where
we were before all of this.
Maybe we go on a date.
Hmm?
Or we... we fool around.
Huh?
Yeah, right.
No?
Oh.
You're serious.
I'm not serious.
I'm sorry.
I'm just playing.
Common traits
of autism spectrum disorder include
repetitive behaviors,
difficulty socializing
and persistent, intense preoccupations.
I have a patient who came up
with 95 ways to cook an egg.
Come on in.
Please, sit.
Yeah, thanks.
Oh.
Is everything okay with Sam?
Oh, yes. It's fine.
I just, um...
Sam said you spoke to him about dating.
He mentioned wanting a girlfriend,
so I thought...
I appreciate you're trying to help,
but all the things that make
my son's everyday life difficult...
like reading social cues,
exchanging small talk...
all the things I've helped him
navigate his entire life,
are magnified in dating.
Um...
Dating is almost entirely
nonverbal communication,
and Sam's the most literal
person I know.
Yeah, and there are strategies
that I could teach him.
Are there?
Are there strategies
for when you get your heart broken?
Sam is doing really well.
I mean,
we're 32 days into his senior year,
and he hasn't had a meltdown yet, so...
I don't want to push him.
I mean, relationships are hard enough
for neurotypicals.
I don't want to put that kind
of pressure on my son.
There was a study done
in Toronto a few years ago.
Researchers found that only nine percent
of adults with autism are married,
not because they lack the desire,
but because they don't
know how to do it.
Your son has the same desire
to be loved that we all do.
Why shouldn't he pursue it?
He's not ready yet.
You know,
a lot of parents have a hard time
as their kids become more independent.
It's completely natural.
So if you ever need someone to talk to,
I can refer you to one of my colleagues.
Oh, wow. No, um...
That won't be necessary.
Thank you for your time.
That's okay. I got it. Thanks so much.
Have a great day.
Okay.
When I'm learning something new,
like how to get infinity lives
in a video game or date girls,
I do a lot of research.
I like research.
Insult them.
Something like, "Baby,
those some serious bug eyes you got."
Trust me, brother...
Bug eyes?
quickest way to get a chick
on your dick.
I examine as many sources
as possible.
Yo, yo, mamacita.
Is that a phone in your back pocket?
'Cause that ass is calling to me.
And I ask questions.
Just listen to what they say.
Don't bring up seals
or penguins or whatever.
And don't stare at their boobs.
Wait, slow down.
I'm still on the no penguins part.
What if she likes penguins?
Just assume she doesn't.
The trick is knowing when
to put my research to use.
I'm not great at picking up signals.
Yo, Sammy.
Red over there is making eyes.
What?
That chick.
Bubble Butt by the monitors.
What about her?
Dude, she's smiling right at you.
Oh.
So?
Smile back.
Really?
Wow.
You scared her away
from across the store.
Impressive range, dude.
Oh, no.
I'm sure whoever did this
just feels terrible.
Bailey.
I don't get it.
You're not even friends with Beth.
So? You don't have to be friends
to do what's right.
Sweetie,
hitting someone's face is never right.
Of course you don't get it. You were
the one picking on the fat kids.
I had a pudgy friend.
Besides, Bailey Bennet is a lovely girl,
and she did not deserve to get punched.
Bailey Bennet is a twat.
Casey Gardener, language.
Sometimes a word or phrase
gets stuck in my head,
like on on a loop,
and it just plays over and over
and over and over.
Twat. Twat.
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat...
You got suspended?
You didn't waste any time.
You're gonna miss practice.
They said I could practice.
Twat, twat.
That's good.
At least she's not gonna miss practice.
She punched a pretty girl in the face!
Why does it matter she's pretty?
Twat. Twat.
Twat.
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat.
You're grounded.
All right. That seems fair.
I'm gonna go for a run.
Can I run when I'm grounded, warden?
I'm done. You deal with her.
Go ahead.
Awesome.
Great. Now I'm the bad guy again.
Casey and I are cool. You're always
gonna be the bad guy with her.
Leopards laze each
On plush pillows
Paperback dreams
In their deep doze
Hey, Casey!
I brought you a chocolate cake.
I make amazing cakes.
I won three bakeoffs at my church.
This is my brother Evan.
He drove me here.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay. Thanks for the cake.
Thank you for today.
Twat!
Sam!
Jesus!
Um, hello.
What is wrong with him?
Nothing's wrong with him.
Get away from him.
It's cool. I got it.
All right, bye.
You forgot your chocolate cake!
I'll just leave it on the porch.
You're such an asshole.
My sister doesn't let
anyone beat me up...
Got to do it four times, right?
Ow!
except herself.
So, how's your week?
Well, I still don't have a date.
I scared a girl off
from across the room,
and we had meat loaf twice,
and I hate meat loaf.
How?
My mom just made it in the oven.
I mean,
how did you scare her away?
I don't know. I've been wondering
and wondering and wondering.
Okay. Pretend I'm her. What'd you do?
I just smiled at her like this.
Ah.
I read about it online.
"Making eye contact and smiling
are step one for flirting."
That's what I did. Look.
"Insults equal chick on dick."
Not that part. The eye contact part.
Right,
but we should get to that at some point.
Anyways, the problem is
you're crossing the line
from flirty to creepy.
When you make eye contact,
you have to look away a bit.
But how can I make eye contact
and look away?
I mean, I'm not a mantis shrimp.
All right.
Okay, you make eye contact...
glance away...
make eye contact again.
Otherwise, it can seem scary.
Hold on. Let me write this down.
Okay.
Now, the smile.
You need to turn that down, like, 70%.
70% smaller?
At least.
Try no teeth?
Yeah! That's the one. That's perfect.
They didn't taste purple,
but they were purple carrots.
It's a new kind of carrot, right?
It tasted weird, but it was good.
Okay, don't look,
but there's a couple on my right
that's on possibly
the worst first date ever.
I said don't look!
These two?
She just asked him
if he wanted children.
They haven't even ordered appetizers.
God. There's no coming back from that.
We should tell them what they're in for.
No.
You know, there is a small chance
that you're right.
Yeah?
A night out was a good idea.
Just a small chance?
Yeah.
I'm even wearing...
a thong.
You are?
Me, too.
How's yours? Mine's really uncomfortable.
I feel good. Holds everything in place.
See, this is nice.
Mm.
We needed this.
Mmhmm.
We did.
It's just hard for me
to relax sometimes.
I get so worried about the kids and...
I know. But everything's good.
The kids are great. Everything's fine.
The kids are great?
Oh, come on. Here we go.
No, I just want to hear
why you think the kids are so great.
Why are you getting upset?
I'm not.
You're implying that
I worry over nothing.
Well... I mean, sometimes, you do.
I mean, who cares? Sam wants to date.
That's good. That's a good thing.
He's 18.
It'd be weird if he didn't want to date.
Because, Doug, it's not just dating.
First it's dating,
and then he's graduating,
and then he's moving out into the world.
We can't protect him,
and that's terrifying.
That's what we want for him.
There's a lot we want
that aren't possible for him.
How do you know?
I'm the one that's been with him
for these last 18 years.
You've never been close to him.
You don't even try.
I mean, honestly, there is times
I think you don't even like him.
That's what you think?
I love our son.
I always have. Has it been hard
to connect with him? Yeah, it has been.
I thought he'd be more
like me or like you.
He's not like either one of us
or anyone else I've ever met.
I know.
Yeah.
You remember his ninth birthday?
He wanted an igloo.
And what did I do?
You built it.
Yeah,
I spent 19 hours hauling and stacking
fricking ice blocks into the backyard
just so my son would notice I was there.
So he would like me.
And he wouldn't even go
inside because...
the ice blocks weren't
lined up precisely.
Okay.
You're not the only one in the family
who has an autistic kid, Elsa.
Can I get you anything else?
No. Thank you.
No, thank you.
Not it.
Hey!
Hi.
I just came to get Beth's cake pan back.
Okay.
I could've brought it to school.
Weird.
Should I come in or, um...
I'll just hang here.
Here you go.
It's been washed twice...
once by me and once by my mom.
'Cause that's my mom.
Thanks.
That was nice of you to punch that girl
in the face for my sister.
Oh, yeah, you're welcome.
Hey, do you want to go out sometime?
Go out?
With you?
Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
I'm sorry. I don't really date.
It's just not a distraction I need.
I'm gonna get a track scholarship
and get out of this town.
Oh. Well, fair enough.
I'm probably gonna change your mind
about that dating thing, though.
You know, I kind of grow on people.
Stop the presses!
A girl wants to go out with me.
Oh. Hello.
I got to go.
Her name's Bree, Bree.
And she likes something
called vegan taquitos,
and she has a cat named Simba.
I don't love cats.
Do you think she'd get rid of it?
Do not ask her that.
Where are you gonna go?
I thought about it.
I'll take her to Techtropolis.
Take a date to an appliance store?
I have to go where I'm comfortable.
Oh, my God.
It'll be fun. We can sample different TVs
and see which one has the best clarity.
I know,
but we'll see if she gets it right.
She wants to go for coffee.
Coffee?
Mmhmm.
Who goes out for coffee?
Hey. Relax. This is gonna be okay.
No, it's not.
Yeah, no, it's not.
Being in a loud,
unfamiliar place can be hard for me.
I can't think.
I can't listen. I just freeze.
But... don't worry.
I have a strategy.
Floor here's kind of sticky.
Did you know that some frogs have pads
on their feet
that secrete a thin layer of mucus
so to help them climb things?
What's with the headphones?
Oh. I just turned on
the noisecancellation feature.
Need a little protection
from the racket.
Baby,
those are some serious bug eyes you got.
What?
Mamacita...
your ass is on the phone?
I don't like cats. Would you
be willing to get rid of Simba?
Yo, I'm clocking out.
Can you see my nipples through here?
Yes.
Good. I was standing
in front of the air conditioner.
So, how's it going with the ladies?
I'm not dating anymore.
It's too difficult.
You have to guess what people are
thinking, and not just people, girls.
They think I'm weird.
You are weird. So what?
The French eat snails. That's weird,
but you know they're getting laid.
Hey, look. Red's back.
Ask her out.
Go, go, go!
Go!
Go.
Laser or inkjet?
Oh, uh...
I don't know.
I didn't really do any research.
Well, lucky for you, I love research,
and I know all about these printers.
You should get this one.
The other ones are garbage
and should be set on fire.
Wow. Thanks.
That's actually really helpful.
Would you like to go on a date with me?
That's the reason I came over here,
not to help you with printers.
Okay.
Ow!
Gold rush
Hey, I got... uh!
I got to dig for it
He got a date!
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hon.
You going to hockey?
Yeah.
I shouldn't be home late.
Honey.
I'm sorry about dinner the other night.
I'm just stressed, and...
it was a really nice idea.
It's all right. Oh, listen, I...
I got you something.
You love to dance, right?
You should check this out,
have some fun, maybe make a friend.
You look good.
Sheesh!
I don't even know
if I'll be able to dance anymore.
Mamacita say, "Oh, oh"
Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh"
Everybody say, "Oh, oh"
We got your drummer there,
"Oh, oh"
Mamacita say, "Oh, oh"
Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh"
Thank you so much. That was so much fun!
Oh, you're welcome! You're great.
You're a dancer, huh?
What? Oh, no. I mean, forever ago.
I was the captain
of the dance squad in college.
Oh.
Yeah.
We ranked nationally three times,
almost four.
We were robbed, but whatever.
I'm over it.
Hey, a few of us are gonna go grab
a drink. You want to come?
Um, uh...
Sure.
This is so much fun.
I feel like I'm back in college again.
Want another drink?
Um... no, thanks.
I think I've escaped
my real life long enough.
I don't know why I said that.
I love my life. I love it. Love it.
This one's on me.
When you told me we were having dinner
in the Techtropolis parking lot,
I thought you were kidding.
No, I don't do that.
Oh.
You're very pretty.
Thanks.
I always thought my nose was too big.
A little, but the rest of
your face makes up for it.
Wow.
You're really honest, huh?
Yes. Is that bad?
No. It's refreshing.
Tell me more.
Okay.
I'm really good at fixing computers,
and biology is my favorite subject
in school.
Girls don't like me.
I love penguins,
but I'm not supposed to talk about it.
I've never had sex before,
and I have a pet turtle named Edison,
who's named after Thomas Edison,
but he's not as smart.
You're hilarious.
Thank you.
You never had sex?
No.
Want to?
What are you doing?
I just came to see if you changed
your mind about going out with me.
I brought you this.
What is up with your family
bringing me sweets?
I don't know. I like you.
Why?
Uh...
'Cause most people don't stand up
to assholes, but you do.
Then there was Mel.
Mmhmm.
That was my longest relationship,
like a month.
Wow. A month.
Stop it.
Why am I telling you this?
Let's talk about something else.
What? No. I want to hear about
your month with Mel.
I don't know. I like what I do, I guess.
Mmhmm.
I don't mean my job necessarily.
Just my life.
I wake up when I want.
I do what I want. I go where I want.
Last week, I wanted to go
to the mountains, so I did.
I didn't have to plan anything
or run it by anyone.
I mean, that may be weird, but I just...
I need that.
Is that totally lame or what?
No, that sounds great.
I mean, you're a little old for that,
but, you know?
Thanks.
I think, if it were really, really cold,
like Antarctica cold,
the coldness would feel like a sound.
The cold would be so intense
that you could hear it.
I would like to hear that sound.
I slip softly through
Never been in a dorm. This isn't
what I thought it would smell like.
Yeah. My roommate makes a lot of ramen.
Sometimes,
being touched makes me... jumpy.
It has to be hard touch, uh, pressure.
I like pressure. I don't like soft.
Is that okay to say on the first date?
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
It'll burn, burn,
burn, burn, burn
Burn us both alive
Aah!
What the hell?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What is wrong with you?
Seriously, are you retarded? Is there
something wrong with your brain?
Get the hell out of my room.
Sometimes, when I feel most alone,
I imagine myself in that ice...
frozen, unable to move, but safe.
I thought technical school would be
dumb, but I actually really like it.
Oh, hey. There he is, the "twat" guy.
What's wrong?
Sam?
Here. Careful, it's hot.
Hey, dude, don't feel too bad.
The first time's always a shit show.
My first time was on a PingPong table,
and it collapsed like two seconds in.
My balls got all wrapped up in the net.
Really freaked her out.
How about you, Case?
Was it crappy your first time?
Okay, gross.
I'm not discussing my sex life
in front of my brother.
Not that there's anything to discuss.
Sometimes, I wish I was normal.
Well, dude...
nobody's normal.
In fourth grade,
my biology teacher, Mr. Durocher
he was fat
said penguins are similar to humans...
because once they copulate, they
stay with the same partner for life.
So, what about you?
What's your life like?
Mm.
Well, ironically, when I was in college,
I also dated a girl for about a month.
Mm.
And I am a hairdresser.
Yours is too short.
You're funny. And kind of mean.
Yeah, I'm always mean to people I like.
I think it's 'cause I expect so much.
So you like me.
But according to the 2010 census,
which is the most recent data
I could acquire,
49% of marriages end in divorce.
Sorry. Um...
You know, um...
if you turn the heat up
on your dishwasher,
you won't have those ugly white spots
on the glasses. Just so...
Penguins mate for life.
So penguins aren't like people.
They're better.
I wonder if they ever get tired
of swimming.
They don't.
You know, Casey...
told me what happened...
with the girl.
I wish I had a time machine.
I would go back in time
and never ask her out
and also maybe visit
the Middle Ages because...
jousting.
Look, I don't know about some
of that stuff you're into,
but girls I know about, okay?
And they're tough.
I'm proud of you
for putting yourself out there.
I should never go on another date.
I should just stay away from girls.
Sam, look, you got some stuff
to figure out, but you will.
You're a good guy.
You're sensitive, and you're funny,
and the woman who ends up
with you will be lucky.
You want to marry your best friend.
Edison?
No.
Not your turtle, Sam.
You said my best friend.
He's my best friend.
I just...
I meant you want to be with someone
who appreciates you for what you are.
You know, who loves all
the little odd things about you...
who gets you.
Penguins mate for life, you know?
Yeah?
Well, good for them.
So, how are you feeling now?
Still ready to give up on dating?
I don't know.
My dad said to find someone
who appreciates me for what I am,
which is a weirdo.
We talked a lot.
Glad to hear it.
And that makes sense.
You're easy to talk to.
Yeah.
You're easy to talk to, too,
which is good 'cause,
otherwise, you'd go broke.
When a male gentoo penguin
chooses a mate,
he makes an offering.
He finds a pebble,
often taking the time
to find the smoothest one,
and presents it to the female.
I'm a human,
so it would be weird to offer a pebble.
Julia.
I've decided I want to give you my brain.
Really?
After I die.
Oh, Sam, that's so great.
You're gonna help so many people.
Good smile.
It's not creepy at all.
I've been practicing.
Yeah, I can tell.
If the female places the pebble
in her nest,
she accepts him as a mate.
And as you already know,
penguins mate for life.