Atlanta (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Episode #4.9 - full transcript

Got-dang! Whoo!

Yeah, all right.

Okay.

My favorite.

That's real nice.

You find everything
okay today, big fella?

Actually, man, no.

Uh, do y'all sell, uh,
cast-iron skillets here?

Well, if you don't
see any on the shelf,

then we don't have 'em in stock.

But I'll check, just to be sure.

All right.

Uh, do y'all sell, uh,
animal repellant here?

Did you see it on the shelf?

Nope.

No, we don't have any s...

Nope, we don't have
any skillets in stock,

but, um, I can order
one in for you.

Be here in a couple weeks.

No, man, that's...
It's all good, man.

I'll just get it somewhere else.

I appreciate it, though.

You're just gonna order
it on Amazon, aren't you?

No, man. No.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

Hey, guys. It's your boy,
"These Backhoes Ain't Loyal."

Thanks for coming out
to my channel today.

If you want to
see more backhoe tractor content,

make sure you hit that
"subscribe" button.

Ah, shit.

You can even give this video a thumbs-up.

So, what we're gonna do
today is we're gonna get

down and dirty...

and we're gonna change
the oil in this tractor.

But before I get under this hoe...

- we're gonna make sure that all the wheels are secure.
- God...

But I've done told you,
these backhoes ain't loyal.

They'll roll over
you in a second.

I'm serious, dudes.

I lost two uncles this way.

Oh, shit, shit, shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Oh, shit!

Hello?

Hey!

Whatever's in there, you
better squawk or chirp

or sing a fucking song

with your little furry
friends or something.

Boo, motherfuck...

Oh, goddamn, man.

Get...

Oh, goddamn!

Shit!

Hmm.

Oh, God.

Go.

- Go back just one.
- Go back one?

Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is bad.

You got feral hogs.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

So, what I need, hog
repellant or something?

No, not as simple as
that. Here, give me that.

Let's see.

Yeah. Shit, you can thank
the explorer Hernando de Soto

for this bullshit.

Were the
turds wet or dry?

I do not know.

Well, did they
crumble in your hand?

Can you just tell
me how to get rid

of these damn
things, please, man?

I don't want to
stand here all day

talking to you about
dookie and shit.

All right, well, uh,
clearly, they're coming after

whatever it is you're growing.

Now, I-I can't make it
out from that photo,

so what kind of crops are these?

Corn.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah, man, lots of... lots of corn.

Oh, they love that stuff.
They love that stuff.

Um... okay.

Here's what I'd
do if I were you.

You take a bunch of
that corn, right?

Set it out in an open area.

Now, soon as that
dirty hog shows up

and starts chowing down on it,

you line up your
shot, take it out.

- Okay.
- All right.

Now, if he starts to
run, you aim for the nose

and you don't stop firing
till that fucker goes down.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, then you move in close.

- Head shot.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Right.

Uh, can I just poison
it or something, man?

I don't think you understand.

This is serious.

Now, these things,

they ain't no bedtime
story animals, you know?

I mean, they don't
deserve no sympathy.

They are aggressive,
they are invasive,

and they will not stop

until they destroy
everything you have.

You got to kill them
before they kill you.

What?

Before they kill me? Okay.

The hogs?

A pack of hogs killed a woman
in Texas about a year ago.

Just outside of Houston.

Chewed her ass up.

Okay.

All right, but this isn't funny.

No, man, yeah, it is,
man. Bedtime story animal.

All right, guys, now that we got

all that old, dirty
oil out of there,

I'm gonna show you
what some fresh, new,

healthy oil looks like here.

And this is where it goes.

Now, check back next week,

and I'm gonna show you how
to replace a carburetor.

Thank you, guys,
for stopping by.

Make sure you hit that
"subscribe" button.

Okay, baby.

Let's do this, mama.
Let's go. Come on.

Come on, baby, come on.

Oh, shit.

All right, let's see.

All right.

Oh, fuck!

Come on, man. Come on, man.

God!

All right, man. All right.

All right.

All right,
man, all right.

All right.

All right, man, come on.

How big is this motherfuck...

Fuck!

Fuck!

Okay.

All right, baby.

Yep.

Yeah.

I'm gonna avenge you.

I promise.

Gonna roast this motherfucker.

Dinner's served, motherfucker.

Come and get it.

If the chicks don't feed

within 36 hours, they'll starve.

Incredibly,
it survives.

But it's stunned.

Oh, shit!

Oh, come on, mama. Let's do it.

Whoo!

Yeah, baby!

Whoo!

Yeah, mother...

That's what I'm talking about!

All right. All right, all right,
all right, all right, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay. Push down.

Okay. All right, o-okay.

Come on, baby. Oh...

Yeah, man.

Whoo!

Oh, we outside!

Oh!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

All right.

Shit.

Goddamn.

Oh, shit!

Oh, sh...

Ah, shit!

Oh, fu...

Oh, shit!

Fu...

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

God.

Oh, thank God.

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Oh, come on, bitch,
I know you see me.

Hey, hey, hey!

Shit!

Help me!

Help!

- Hey!

Hey!

Hey, fuck! Help!

Hey, help me!

Hey, shit! Help!

Help.
Help me, plea...

Help.

Fucking help.

Oh, bitch, fucking please.

Oh, shit!

Fuck! What the fuck?

Fuck off!

Get the fuck off me!

Fucking...

Shit!

Motherfucker, die!
Motherfucker, die!

Let go!

Fucking die!

Get the fuck off me.

Get
the fuck off me.

- Yo.
- Hey, hey.

What's up, man?

Chillin', man. Chillin'.

Yeah, I hope so. I hope so.

- What's up? You need something?
- It's in my email, okay?

Yeah, um, the lawyer sent over
that contract. It looks okay.

I still have some questions
about the dates, though.

Oh.

We'll get it
sorted. Don't worry.

How is it out
there? Is it boring?

Yeah. Yeah.

You-you sound tired, man.

Nah, man. Nah, man.

I'm straight. I'm
good. I'm straight.

Just send it to me.
Send it to my email,

and my assistant will
worry about it, okay?

Thank you so much.

Hey, look, can I call
you back tomorrow, bruh?

Uh, yeah, yeah. You good?

Mm-hmm.

All right, man. I-I'll
talk to you tomorrow.

- All right. Peace.
- Peace.

Yo.

What's up?

What's up, man?

Are you eating bacon
and drinking whiskey?

Hibiki, bro.

Cheers, nigga.

Breakfast of champions.

Yo, man, it's the farm life.

Yeah, what was
going on yesterday?

What were you doing?

What happened to your face?

I don't know, man, it's just...

Hey, I was out there
with that tractor.

I got that up and
running, right?

And, um, just did some shooting.

You know. This-this
ain't nothing.

Look, man, I know this is
your safe farm and all that,

but you got to be
careful out there, okay?

Farms are dangerous as fuck.

Okay, and you're over there
by yourself, too, man.

If something happens to you,
you fall on a rake headfirst,

no one's gonna know
it for like weeks.

Message received, bruh.

You know, the whole point of
this farm is to have options.

If you don't like it, you don't
have to keep it, you know.

You can go back to the city.

At-Atlanta's not going
anywhere, you know.

It's all good, man.

It's pretty much slow
motion around here.

Yeah. Ain't got
to worry about me.

Only thing I need to worry
about is this damn neck, man.

Every time I move
it, it feels like

I'm on pins and needles
and shit.

Were you outside for
a long time yesterday?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think y-you're sunburnt.

No, no.

Yes.

You ever been sunburned before?

Nigga, look at me.
Do I look like...

Hell no, I ain't been sunburned.

Black people can't
get sunburned.

What you talking about?

Yes, yes, they can.

White people can get ashy.

Black people can get
sunburned. It's-it's a fact.

So, you telling me Wesley
Snipes can get sunburned?

Yes, Wesley
Snipes can get sunburned.

Okay, all right,
what about... what's...

uh, what's-his-name...
uh, "Kiss from a Rose"?

He can get sunburned, too?

Yes. Yes, Seal can get...

Dark niggas can get
sunburned, bruh.

I don't know, man.
All right, hold up.

What about Captain
Phillips? Come on.

- I'm gonna assume you mean the Somalian pirate...
- Yeah.

- Not Tom Hanks.
- Yeah. Yeah.

And it doesn't matter, 'cause
they can both get sunburned.

Nigga, I would... Who-who's
going to be a pirate on the sea

under the sun the whole day
if they can get sunburned?

I know this shit ain't true,
man. It's just not true.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org