Atlanta (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Champagne Papi - full transcript
Van and her friends go to Drake's NYE party hoping to meet him, but things don't go as planned.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Danger Island.
Premieres Wednesday, April 25,
only on FXX.
FX presents Atlanta.
Hey, y'all.
So, tonight I'm wearing
my new jasmine brandy lip plump.
And y'all can use
a discount code to get it,
so you can be... mwah...
Twinkling like your girl here.
And what better way to bust it
out than a night with my girls?
That's my girl Van.
Say hi, Van.
That's Van.
She cute or whatever, and
I need a new Netflix password,
so hook a girl up.
All right, bye.
No free pictures.
Anyway, y'all stay tuned.
'Cause tonight
the stars are gonna be out.
I dropped this phone
in the tub with Lottie,
and now it just does not
hold a charge.
No, we not talking about Lottie,
we not talking about children,
we talking about liquor,
- we talking about...
- Liquor.
You're gonna have
child number two tonight..
- She is.
- I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds.
You know what, though?
Them IUDs work.
You know what? Y'all nasty.
'Cause I changed my shit up
after Lottie.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't get that copper IUD,
'cause that makes
your periods worse.
I'm good.
What ever happened to condoms?
Bitch, how old are you?
Really. Damn!
Are you in high school?
I don't have kids, and
I also don't have HPV, trick.
Really,
y'all gonna play me like that?
Put that in your condom
and fuck it.
Okay, so DJ said
that he's going to meet us
and escort us through
and everything,
so we don't look like groupies.
What is your deal
with DJ, actually?
DJ, girl, that's...
He's a tour barber.
- He's nothing.
- So, what, you just stringing him along
for an invite to Drake's party?
No, I'm not stringing him along.
I actually only talk
business with DJ.
So, did you send him selfies?
Yes or no.
I might've sent him one
or two selfies. Dang.
So you sent him one or two
pictures of your breasts.
First of all, my breasts
are already on Tumblr,
so he could've already seen it.
And I only sent him
half a nipple...
That don't count.
Okay, so he would've
saw them eventually,
because I know you didn't
have on no business clothes.
Everybody can't be a nun
like you, Nadine.
If I'm gonna chase
anybody, y'all,
it's gonna be that Aubrey.!
'Cause you know, I've always
had a crush on Aubrey.
You and all the other groupies.
- What are you talking about?
- Aubrey.
- You don't know him.
- Girl.
- He is fine.
- Fine.
And he looks like
he would make a great father.
Van! Van,
do you hear this madness?
What are we...
What are y'all talking about?
I don't even care;
I need a photo with Drake,
because my Instagram
is weak as fuck.
I'm just being real. My shit...
- look, I got Lottie, Lottie, Lottie...
- Chicken.
Lottie, me... chicken...
I know exactly which one
you're talking about...
Lottie, Lottie, Earn.
- Delete the Earn.
- Yeah, so we can replace Earn with Drake.
Y'all really think
this dress is okay?-
I think it looks good on you...
It's fine.
Look, we got to go, okay?
Let's have one more shot.
Do y'all think
I should smoke tonight?
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes!
My God!
To partying with my girls.
And IUDs.
You are not a better driver
after a few drinks.
- I'm a good driver.
- No, you ain't.
- Um, Candice.
- Next time we smoke and drive.
Candi, you sure
we in the right place?
Yeah. Yeah, this is it.
- There's nobody here.
- This looks a little sus.
No, no, there's gonna be
a shuttle that comes.
- I'm freezing.
- I'm losing my buzz.
Where is everybody?
- Okay, stop complaining.
- We're in the woods, girl.
Follow me. Follow me.
Thi-This way. Follow me.
Where in the world?
You should've wore pants.
You should not be down here
in this...
Yo, happy New Year.
- Ha-Happy New Year.
- Right.
Hey, y'all going to that
Drake theme party, right?
I-I got this pizza for him.
Like, right here.
Cool.
Yo, give me the address,
y'all can have some,
but this pizza has
to go inside him.
- The shuttle's over here.
- He needs it.
This is good pizza.
Hey, no, we don't want
your pizza. Bye.
Wha... No, no,
you got to put me on, though.
Put me on... I got music, too.
Like, we could-we could
work just together.
Put me on. You... Come on, bruh!
Don't leave me out.
Don't leave me out...
: It's locked.
Hey. We're here for the party.
Candice Moxon.
Okay, all right,
wait, wait, wait, um...
7-4-3-2-9-9.
- Ooh.
- Yes.
Let's go see Drake.
Damn.
Hey, are you okay?
I'm just so happy.
Y'all pretty.
I'm-a take y'all home with me.
Just kidding.
Let's go, ladies.
Gather round, gather round.
Come on.
We don't have all night.
File out.
- My God.
- Good evening.
Welcome to paradise.
IDs out.
If you are here
in response to the video shoot,
please proceed
with your Ethiopian passport
to the photo booth
- to receive your name tag and your costume.
- Okay.
This is a residential home.
Keep booties on at all times.
These are marble floors.
- I am not wearing them booties.
- By the way, happy New Year.
Happy New Year!
All right, who's first?
Drake invited me.
"Drake invited me."
That's his signature
right there.
Can I just...
No, you don't have to call him.
I, um...
I was supposed to be here,
not you!
I was invited!
I swear, I was invited!
- This is my song.
- This is my song.
Girl, every song is your song.
Look at these Instagram
Stepford Wife-looking bitches.
Look, it's Devyon Johnson.
Where?
He's cute.
He would be with a white girl.
These Hollywood niggas
are so cliché.
Hey.
DJ! DJ. Hey, DJ, baby.
Hi. Mwah.
DJ, next time,
can you escort me?
Because security
was so mean to me.
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah, I want to meet Drake.
Yeah, he's-he's floating
around somewhere.
Well, where's this room?
We want to go here.
Okay, okay, well... Chill.
No, no, it's-it's-it's cool.
W-Well, I got to go DJ.
'Cause my name is D-D-D-D-DJ.
He's funny, right?
- He's so...
- No. -Get a drink,
I'll hook y'all up.
You want a gummy?
Yes.
I'm good, thank you.
She likes gummies.
Take the gummy, enjoy yourself.
Fine.
- -Come on.
Okay.
Well, ladies,
I'm gonna go with DJ.
So, y'all have fun.
It's a party, dance.
Bye, Candi.
Look at 'em.
Chew.
Very good.
Let's go.
I don't like it.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
This edible ain't
kicking in fast enough
for me to enjoy
this thot-a-thon.
Amen.
Where is Devyon Johnson?
I just need to talk
some sense into him.
Just so he knows, you know?
I feel weird.
I'm-a go find his ass.
Damn, girl,
you look high as hell.
Nadine, stay with Van.
You seem annoyed or something.
No.
He's out there living his life
and I'm here living mine.
I'm just trying to get
this photo with Drake.
I need to strategize.
Is it me? A.
What? No.
You're paranoid. Stop it.
I'm just going through stuff,
and this dress is just, like...
I just need to calm down.
I need to have a good time
and I'm just gonna relax.
I'm gonna have a good time
and I'm gonna have a vodka soda,
please.
Yes. Is this the police?
I-I need your help.
I'm at this big party
at Drake's house and I'm dying.
I-I don't...
Help.
Did she give you an address?
No? Okay, bye.
Honey, what's wrong with you?
You're just high.
No, I'm dying and I know it.
You are high
and you're paranoid.
No, I need to go
to the hospital.
No. We need to get out
of this room,
but we are not leaving.
Just take a sit
right here, okay?
Why don't you lie down?
You want to lie down?
I can't breathe right.
Yes, you can. Come on.
Let's lay you down. All right.
Okay. Okay.
We're gonna breathe together
like in yoga. Okay?
Shit.
Um, okay, let's breathe.
Okay?
Okay. You keep doing that.
Breathe. I see you breathing,
okay?
I'm gonna get some water.
Wait. DJ drugged me.
No, no, no, no.
We all ate the same thing. Okay?
It's okay. Why don't you
lie down again, okay?
Um, look, it's Drake.
You can hang out with Drake,
okay?
Why don't you stay with Drake?
I'm All right.
My God.
- I'm so sorry.
- It-It's all good.
- I mean, I...
- I'm sorry.
I was all in the way.
No, I'm sorry. I...
Um, do you know
where I can find,
like, a water or something
non-alcoholic or like...
Voilà.
Wow. Thank you.
You got a bathroom in there,
too?
I think I could help you out
with that.
Okay.
Um... um...
I'm Brandon, by the way.
I'm Van.
- It's-it's nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you, too.
- Nice to meet you.
- Pretty smile.
Thank you.
Um... I got to go.
My friend is kind of
freaking out.
I needed to bring her
this water, so...
I mean, is
I mean, do you need some help?
I can-I can follow you.
Um, yeah, sure. Okay.
Yeah. Um...
she's pretty high, though, so...
I don't want you to...
Sure she'll be all right
with that water.
Where the hell did she go?
Was she here?
What she look like?
Nadine! Shit.
Shit. My phone is dead.
- Nadine!
- Look, don't worry. I got you.
I know a place downstairs
you can charge your phone
next to a pretty dope bathroom.
Yeah.
- My God. Okay.
- No fear, no fear, no fear.
- Thank you.
- I got you. I got you.
She's gonna get us all arrested.
Yeah, just right this way,
right down here.
Okay.
Don't trip.
That's a...
that's a really nice dress.
Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
- It's perfect.
Wow, so this is,
like, his studio?
- Yeah, it, looks that way.
- Damn.
There's, the power strip.
Thank you.
So you, um, you work with Drake?
Nah,
Drake's nutritionist
is my cousin.
Yeah, Coop.
Cool. Cool.
But how'd you know about
his studio down here, then?
No, you know... I just...
I got here at, like, 8:00,
so I just walked around.
Nobody was here, so...
Checked out the rooms.
Saw what was in 'em.
Friends? Nah.
But you're my friend.
Okay. Um...
I need to use the bathroom.
I'm gonna charge my phone
in there.
Great. Let me just...
let me show you where it is.
Okay.
Here. Let-let me show you.
It's right over here.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
- Right here.
- Thank you.
I got it. Thank you.
- Yeah. Thank you, though.
- All right. You're welcome.
I-I-I'll just... I'll wait here.
Okay!
You good?
Yeah, I'm good.
You need anything?
You know what? No.
Okay, some toilet paper or...?
Why don't you go get us
some weed?
Weed, right.
Yeah, I can... I can,
I can find that.
Um, yeah. Are you...
are you hungry?
You want any food while
I'm at it.
Maybe some water.
Okay. All right.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Right back.
Take your time.
Okay, just...
Drake?
Hello?
Smells nice.
My God.
Is this real?
No.
No, it is not.
Have you heard of
Bostrom's simulation argument?
No.
Basically, it just states that,
future civilizations must have
immense computing power,
and that if even
a fraction of this
were to run
ancestral simulation,
there's a high probability that
it would be indistinguishable
from reality
to the simulated ancestor,
i.e. us.
What?
You're a simulation.
Like a Sim.
There is someone controlling
your every movement.
Yeah, I don't even like apples.
Can you help me stop thinking?
: Perhaps.
Catch.
Is she real?
Real fake.
I knew it.
Yeah, I'm staring at you. Ho.
Is there a problem?
Not really!
You're saddled over there
with your black man accessory,
and I'm just tired
of that story, to be honest.
It's basic.
But that's just me, personally.
Okay.
Maybe I'm just a good woman.
Like, a good girlfriend?
Maybe I add value to his life?
I've been with him since
he was doing community theater.
I cooked. I cleaned.
I've had his back
from the very beginning.
I've always supported him.
Maybe two good people
found each other,
and I'm a good woman
who found a good man.
Bitch, don't even act
like you don't know
what's going on out here!
You got all the advantages
in the world to be a good woman.
You can afford to invest early.
I ain't got time
to be sitting out here
with no community-theater-ass
nigga for eight years
and wishing on a goddamn star.
There are plenty, plenty,
plenty, plenty
of good, black women,
but you don't see Brad Pitt
trying to date Shonda Rhimes.
No!
No. No. Type "beautiful woman"
in Google Images, honey.
Then you can talk to me.
I just love Devyon.
Bitch, I love him, too!
Okay, um, thank you.
Sorry.
Hi?
: Hi. I'm sorry.
Um... I'm lost.
I need to get to the party.
Um, or to the main part
of the house.
With Drake?
Drake. Drake no está.
Um...
I don't really, um...
¿El avión?
Yo soy su abuelo.
Are you Drake's abuelo?
Sí. Abuelo.
My God. You're his grandpa.
Sí. Abuelo.
No..
I don't speak Spanish.
No hablas español.
But it's nice to meet you.
You want me to look at that?
Hold up.
Drake's not here?
Yeah, you got to get low
in front and high.
Hey, how you doing? How you
doing? Hey. $20. All right.
Look, we got this right here.
Drake bowtie. Straight off
the tux from the Oscars.
Get low.
What the fuck is going on
in here?
How you doing?
We got $20 per selfie.
It'll get you 10,000 followers,
guaranteed.-
The line starts there, sweetie.
Hold up. You're telling me
all these girls
have been posting fake photos
on Instagram all night?
Look, they're real
to everyone else.
I mean, this your best option,
anyway.
You thought you was gonna have
a meaningful convo with Drake.
You was gonna come to the party,
ask for a pic and post it
on the Gram,
so here you go.
- You're welcome.
- $20.
Line's right there.
Or $30, hold on.
And you get these
free Puma slides.
What's up?
What you want to do?
Girl, she ain't real.
Hey.
Stars are just a projection
of what's actually already
- inside of your mind.
- Drake.
Darius?
Hey, Van.
Why are you here?
Actually, we were
just talking about that.
It's basically, really just...
No, I meant the party.
Is Earn with you?
No.
But I know Drake's chef,
Guillermo,
from the glorious days
of pick-up soccer.
But how did we get here?
See, that's
an even harder one, actually.
- It all start...
- No, shut up.
Candice drove us here.
And then she ditched us
for T-Pain's party.
That sucks.
You okay?
I think so.
Me and Darius figured out
that I am nothing.
We're all nothing.
It's a simulation, Van.
It's all fake.
You're right.
It's all fake.
There's no Drake.
So don't ruin your high
and just enjoy yourself.
You're such a good friend.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, y'all.
They kicking everybody out.
And, Van, what the hell
do you got on?
Come on, y'all.
How are we getting home?
Drake's Mexican.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH.
A few years working for me,
you won't just visit Morocco.
You'll buy Morocco.
Trust.
All new, Sundays at 10:00 on FX.
This power is...
I...
I love you, David, but...
You're nuts, kiddo.
You're...
A danger no one is ready for.
The real me.
Is an imminent threat
to our future, our safety...
Our one-way ticket to...
Utter destruction.
Legion.
All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
: We believe
that freedom and security...
Things have gone bad.
The Americans. Final season.
All new,
Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.
Heaven on earth,
or so they were told.
How many blowhards
can one island hold?
Archer Danger Island.
All-new season
premieres Wednesday, April 25.
Only on FXX.
Danger Island.
Premieres Wednesday, April 25,
only on FXX.
FX presents Atlanta.
Hey, y'all.
So, tonight I'm wearing
my new jasmine brandy lip plump.
And y'all can use
a discount code to get it,
so you can be... mwah...
Twinkling like your girl here.
And what better way to bust it
out than a night with my girls?
That's my girl Van.
Say hi, Van.
That's Van.
She cute or whatever, and
I need a new Netflix password,
so hook a girl up.
All right, bye.
No free pictures.
Anyway, y'all stay tuned.
'Cause tonight
the stars are gonna be out.
I dropped this phone
in the tub with Lottie,
and now it just does not
hold a charge.
No, we not talking about Lottie,
we not talking about children,
we talking about liquor,
- we talking about...
- Liquor.
You're gonna have
child number two tonight..
- She is.
- I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds.
You know what, though?
Them IUDs work.
You know what? Y'all nasty.
'Cause I changed my shit up
after Lottie.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't get that copper IUD,
'cause that makes
your periods worse.
I'm good.
What ever happened to condoms?
Bitch, how old are you?
Really. Damn!
Are you in high school?
I don't have kids, and
I also don't have HPV, trick.
Really,
y'all gonna play me like that?
Put that in your condom
and fuck it.
Okay, so DJ said
that he's going to meet us
and escort us through
and everything,
so we don't look like groupies.
What is your deal
with DJ, actually?
DJ, girl, that's...
He's a tour barber.
- He's nothing.
- So, what, you just stringing him along
for an invite to Drake's party?
No, I'm not stringing him along.
I actually only talk
business with DJ.
So, did you send him selfies?
Yes or no.
I might've sent him one
or two selfies. Dang.
So you sent him one or two
pictures of your breasts.
First of all, my breasts
are already on Tumblr,
so he could've already seen it.
And I only sent him
half a nipple...
That don't count.
Okay, so he would've
saw them eventually,
because I know you didn't
have on no business clothes.
Everybody can't be a nun
like you, Nadine.
If I'm gonna chase
anybody, y'all,
it's gonna be that Aubrey.!
'Cause you know, I've always
had a crush on Aubrey.
You and all the other groupies.
- What are you talking about?
- Aubrey.
- You don't know him.
- Girl.
- He is fine.
- Fine.
And he looks like
he would make a great father.
Van! Van,
do you hear this madness?
What are we...
What are y'all talking about?
I don't even care;
I need a photo with Drake,
because my Instagram
is weak as fuck.
I'm just being real. My shit...
- look, I got Lottie, Lottie, Lottie...
- Chicken.
Lottie, me... chicken...
I know exactly which one
you're talking about...
Lottie, Lottie, Earn.
- Delete the Earn.
- Yeah, so we can replace Earn with Drake.
Y'all really think
this dress is okay?-
I think it looks good on you...
It's fine.
Look, we got to go, okay?
Let's have one more shot.
Do y'all think
I should smoke tonight?
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes!
My God!
To partying with my girls.
And IUDs.
You are not a better driver
after a few drinks.
- I'm a good driver.
- No, you ain't.
- Um, Candice.
- Next time we smoke and drive.
Candi, you sure
we in the right place?
Yeah. Yeah, this is it.
- There's nobody here.
- This looks a little sus.
No, no, there's gonna be
a shuttle that comes.
- I'm freezing.
- I'm losing my buzz.
Where is everybody?
- Okay, stop complaining.
- We're in the woods, girl.
Follow me. Follow me.
Thi-This way. Follow me.
Where in the world?
You should've wore pants.
You should not be down here
in this...
Yo, happy New Year.
- Ha-Happy New Year.
- Right.
Hey, y'all going to that
Drake theme party, right?
I-I got this pizza for him.
Like, right here.
Cool.
Yo, give me the address,
y'all can have some,
but this pizza has
to go inside him.
- The shuttle's over here.
- He needs it.
This is good pizza.
Hey, no, we don't want
your pizza. Bye.
Wha... No, no,
you got to put me on, though.
Put me on... I got music, too.
Like, we could-we could
work just together.
Put me on. You... Come on, bruh!
Don't leave me out.
Don't leave me out...
: It's locked.
Hey. We're here for the party.
Candice Moxon.
Okay, all right,
wait, wait, wait, um...
7-4-3-2-9-9.
- Ooh.
- Yes.
Let's go see Drake.
Damn.
Hey, are you okay?
I'm just so happy.
Y'all pretty.
I'm-a take y'all home with me.
Just kidding.
Let's go, ladies.
Gather round, gather round.
Come on.
We don't have all night.
File out.
- My God.
- Good evening.
Welcome to paradise.
IDs out.
If you are here
in response to the video shoot,
please proceed
with your Ethiopian passport
to the photo booth
- to receive your name tag and your costume.
- Okay.
This is a residential home.
Keep booties on at all times.
These are marble floors.
- I am not wearing them booties.
- By the way, happy New Year.
Happy New Year!
All right, who's first?
Drake invited me.
"Drake invited me."
That's his signature
right there.
Can I just...
No, you don't have to call him.
I, um...
I was supposed to be here,
not you!
I was invited!
I swear, I was invited!
- This is my song.
- This is my song.
Girl, every song is your song.
Look at these Instagram
Stepford Wife-looking bitches.
Look, it's Devyon Johnson.
Where?
He's cute.
He would be with a white girl.
These Hollywood niggas
are so cliché.
Hey.
DJ! DJ. Hey, DJ, baby.
Hi. Mwah.
DJ, next time,
can you escort me?
Because security
was so mean to me.
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah, I want to meet Drake.
Yeah, he's-he's floating
around somewhere.
Well, where's this room?
We want to go here.
Okay, okay, well... Chill.
No, no, it's-it's-it's cool.
W-Well, I got to go DJ.
'Cause my name is D-D-D-D-DJ.
He's funny, right?
- He's so...
- No. -Get a drink,
I'll hook y'all up.
You want a gummy?
Yes.
I'm good, thank you.
She likes gummies.
Take the gummy, enjoy yourself.
Fine.
- -Come on.
Okay.
Well, ladies,
I'm gonna go with DJ.
So, y'all have fun.
It's a party, dance.
Bye, Candi.
Look at 'em.
Chew.
Very good.
Let's go.
I don't like it.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
This edible ain't
kicking in fast enough
for me to enjoy
this thot-a-thon.
Amen.
Where is Devyon Johnson?
I just need to talk
some sense into him.
Just so he knows, you know?
I feel weird.
I'm-a go find his ass.
Damn, girl,
you look high as hell.
Nadine, stay with Van.
You seem annoyed or something.
No.
He's out there living his life
and I'm here living mine.
I'm just trying to get
this photo with Drake.
I need to strategize.
Is it me? A.
What? No.
You're paranoid. Stop it.
I'm just going through stuff,
and this dress is just, like...
I just need to calm down.
I need to have a good time
and I'm just gonna relax.
I'm gonna have a good time
and I'm gonna have a vodka soda,
please.
Yes. Is this the police?
I-I need your help.
I'm at this big party
at Drake's house and I'm dying.
I-I don't...
Help.
Did she give you an address?
No? Okay, bye.
Honey, what's wrong with you?
You're just high.
No, I'm dying and I know it.
You are high
and you're paranoid.
No, I need to go
to the hospital.
No. We need to get out
of this room,
but we are not leaving.
Just take a sit
right here, okay?
Why don't you lie down?
You want to lie down?
I can't breathe right.
Yes, you can. Come on.
Let's lay you down. All right.
Okay. Okay.
We're gonna breathe together
like in yoga. Okay?
Shit.
Um, okay, let's breathe.
Okay?
Okay. You keep doing that.
Breathe. I see you breathing,
okay?
I'm gonna get some water.
Wait. DJ drugged me.
No, no, no, no.
We all ate the same thing. Okay?
It's okay. Why don't you
lie down again, okay?
Um, look, it's Drake.
You can hang out with Drake,
okay?
Why don't you stay with Drake?
I'm All right.
My God.
- I'm so sorry.
- It-It's all good.
- I mean, I...
- I'm sorry.
I was all in the way.
No, I'm sorry. I...
Um, do you know
where I can find,
like, a water or something
non-alcoholic or like...
Voilà.
Wow. Thank you.
You got a bathroom in there,
too?
I think I could help you out
with that.
Okay.
Um... um...
I'm Brandon, by the way.
I'm Van.
- It's-it's nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you, too.
- Nice to meet you.
- Pretty smile.
Thank you.
Um... I got to go.
My friend is kind of
freaking out.
I needed to bring her
this water, so...
I mean, is
I mean, do you need some help?
I can-I can follow you.
Um, yeah, sure. Okay.
Yeah. Um...
she's pretty high, though, so...
I don't want you to...
Sure she'll be all right
with that water.
Where the hell did she go?
Was she here?
What she look like?
Nadine! Shit.
Shit. My phone is dead.
- Nadine!
- Look, don't worry. I got you.
I know a place downstairs
you can charge your phone
next to a pretty dope bathroom.
Yeah.
- My God. Okay.
- No fear, no fear, no fear.
- Thank you.
- I got you. I got you.
She's gonna get us all arrested.
Yeah, just right this way,
right down here.
Okay.
Don't trip.
That's a...
that's a really nice dress.
Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
- It's perfect.
Wow, so this is,
like, his studio?
- Yeah, it, looks that way.
- Damn.
There's, the power strip.
Thank you.
So you, um, you work with Drake?
Nah,
Drake's nutritionist
is my cousin.
Yeah, Coop.
Cool. Cool.
But how'd you know about
his studio down here, then?
No, you know... I just...
I got here at, like, 8:00,
so I just walked around.
Nobody was here, so...
Checked out the rooms.
Saw what was in 'em.
Friends? Nah.
But you're my friend.
Okay. Um...
I need to use the bathroom.
I'm gonna charge my phone
in there.
Great. Let me just...
let me show you where it is.
Okay.
Here. Let-let me show you.
It's right over here.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
- Right here.
- Thank you.
I got it. Thank you.
- Yeah. Thank you, though.
- All right. You're welcome.
I-I-I'll just... I'll wait here.
Okay!
You good?
Yeah, I'm good.
You need anything?
You know what? No.
Okay, some toilet paper or...?
Why don't you go get us
some weed?
Weed, right.
Yeah, I can... I can,
I can find that.
Um, yeah. Are you...
are you hungry?
You want any food while
I'm at it.
Maybe some water.
Okay. All right.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Right back.
Take your time.
Okay, just...
Drake?
Hello?
Smells nice.
My God.
Is this real?
No.
No, it is not.
Have you heard of
Bostrom's simulation argument?
No.
Basically, it just states that,
future civilizations must have
immense computing power,
and that if even
a fraction of this
were to run
ancestral simulation,
there's a high probability that
it would be indistinguishable
from reality
to the simulated ancestor,
i.e. us.
What?
You're a simulation.
Like a Sim.
There is someone controlling
your every movement.
Yeah, I don't even like apples.
Can you help me stop thinking?
: Perhaps.
Catch.
Is she real?
Real fake.
I knew it.
Yeah, I'm staring at you. Ho.
Is there a problem?
Not really!
You're saddled over there
with your black man accessory,
and I'm just tired
of that story, to be honest.
It's basic.
But that's just me, personally.
Okay.
Maybe I'm just a good woman.
Like, a good girlfriend?
Maybe I add value to his life?
I've been with him since
he was doing community theater.
I cooked. I cleaned.
I've had his back
from the very beginning.
I've always supported him.
Maybe two good people
found each other,
and I'm a good woman
who found a good man.
Bitch, don't even act
like you don't know
what's going on out here!
You got all the advantages
in the world to be a good woman.
You can afford to invest early.
I ain't got time
to be sitting out here
with no community-theater-ass
nigga for eight years
and wishing on a goddamn star.
There are plenty, plenty,
plenty, plenty
of good, black women,
but you don't see Brad Pitt
trying to date Shonda Rhimes.
No!
No. No. Type "beautiful woman"
in Google Images, honey.
Then you can talk to me.
I just love Devyon.
Bitch, I love him, too!
Okay, um, thank you.
Sorry.
Hi?
: Hi. I'm sorry.
Um... I'm lost.
I need to get to the party.
Um, or to the main part
of the house.
With Drake?
Drake. Drake no está.
Um...
I don't really, um...
¿El avión?
Yo soy su abuelo.
Are you Drake's abuelo?
Sí. Abuelo.
My God. You're his grandpa.
Sí. Abuelo.
No..
I don't speak Spanish.
No hablas español.
But it's nice to meet you.
You want me to look at that?
Hold up.
Drake's not here?
Yeah, you got to get low
in front and high.
Hey, how you doing? How you
doing? Hey. $20. All right.
Look, we got this right here.
Drake bowtie. Straight off
the tux from the Oscars.
Get low.
What the fuck is going on
in here?
How you doing?
We got $20 per selfie.
It'll get you 10,000 followers,
guaranteed.-
The line starts there, sweetie.
Hold up. You're telling me
all these girls
have been posting fake photos
on Instagram all night?
Look, they're real
to everyone else.
I mean, this your best option,
anyway.
You thought you was gonna have
a meaningful convo with Drake.
You was gonna come to the party,
ask for a pic and post it
on the Gram,
so here you go.
- You're welcome.
- $20.
Line's right there.
Or $30, hold on.
And you get these
free Puma slides.
What's up?
What you want to do?
Girl, she ain't real.
Hey.
Stars are just a projection
of what's actually already
- inside of your mind.
- Drake.
Darius?
Hey, Van.
Why are you here?
Actually, we were
just talking about that.
It's basically, really just...
No, I meant the party.
Is Earn with you?
No.
But I know Drake's chef,
Guillermo,
from the glorious days
of pick-up soccer.
But how did we get here?
See, that's
an even harder one, actually.
- It all start...
- No, shut up.
Candice drove us here.
And then she ditched us
for T-Pain's party.
That sucks.
You okay?
I think so.
Me and Darius figured out
that I am nothing.
We're all nothing.
It's a simulation, Van.
It's all fake.
You're right.
It's all fake.
There's no Drake.
So don't ruin your high
and just enjoy yourself.
You're such a good friend.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, y'all.
They kicking everybody out.
And, Van, what the hell
do you got on?
Come on, y'all.
How are we getting home?
Drake's Mexican.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH.
A few years working for me,
you won't just visit Morocco.
You'll buy Morocco.
Trust.
All new, Sundays at 10:00 on FX.
This power is...
I...
I love you, David, but...
You're nuts, kiddo.
You're...
A danger no one is ready for.
The real me.
Is an imminent threat
to our future, our safety...
Our one-way ticket to...
Utter destruction.
Legion.
All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
: We believe
that freedom and security...
Things have gone bad.
The Americans. Final season.
All new,
Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.
Heaven on earth,
or so they were told.
How many blowhards
can one island hold?
Archer Danger Island.
All-new season
premieres Wednesday, April 25.
Only on FXX.