Até Que a Vida Nos Separe (2021): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript
NETFLIX PRESENTS
I'm Clara, I'm 32 years old,
I'm from Portela de Sacavém,
and I'm looking for love.
Whether it's a man or a woman.
I don't care.
I just fall in love with the person.
Clara takes pride
in being different.
Of course, I mean, after all,
she's a Type 4 Enneagram.
That means she's pretty much
an individualist, you see.
But deep down, very deep down,
Clara is a romantic.
That's why she feels this struggle,
this internal conflict.
Everyone has
four essential principles, you know.
I was very surprised by the ones
that Clara chose for herself.
Mm Ah.
CLARA IS SEARCHING
FOR THE PERFECT LOVE
Love. Without a doubt. Hm.
LOVE
Mm, without honesty, it's all a lie.
Hmm.
Did someone hurt you? Did they lie to you?
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Oh, but if you make me laugh,
then half my heart is yours.
SENSE OF HUMOR
And how does a person win the other half?
Mm, you know.
Relationships are built
fundamentally on four pillars.
Four pillars that, for me,
are fundamental.
Action, motivation.
When I say "motivation,"
I mean motivation.
Acceptance.
And of course, respect.
Basically, I manage the expectations
that we tend to project
onto our ideal partner.
Clara has filled out
a lot of questionnaires
that had basically helped me work out
what her fundamental needs are
for finding love.
Then I had to figure out
what her physical ideal was in a partner.
I just have one request.
Please don't give me a fatso.
They're not, right?
My specialty is evaluation and diagnosis.
I'm here to make science work for love.
NEUROPSYCHOLOGIST
Well, in this phase,
uh, the matching phase,
it's essential to assess all the profiles,
their character,
uh, patterns of behavior,
uh, knowing how she will react
to this whole process,
predicting not only
the participant's response,
but also her brain's response.
Think of it as
a psychophysiological observation.
And this is how we now know,
uh, that Clara is, uh,
emotionally speaking, a Ferrari 488.
She goes from 0 to 60 in 2.26.
That's 2.26 milliseconds.
Give or take.
But that's why we're here.
We're ready to show them the path
to true love and happiness.
- You don't feel it?
- Mm-hmm.
You're not feeling this?
- Come on, look at that.
- Mm-hmm.
Clara, as you well know,
is a stunning woman.
And any of the participants would be lucky
to have her as their fiancé,
as their wife.
According to the data
in their love matches,
there are two possibilities.
Which one will it be?
So Clara and Vítor B.
have an 84% compatibility rating.
He works at a local restaurant
owned by his parents,
but his secret dream
is to be a truck driver.
And he's a Buddhist.
I've tried to find love.
I think I've done all I can do
to try and find love.
I've tried everything.
People I know, friends of people I know,
people I knew from social media,
people who were friends of friends
of people I knew only on social media.
And then there's Sara.
Clara has a 91%
compatibility rating with her.
Uh, I signed up because I believe in love.
I want to start my life from scratch.
And I'm sure therapists on TV
will make better life choices
than I will.
Hmm. Hmm.
WHO WILL BE THE CHOSEN ONE?
So now, who? Hmm?
Who's it going to be?
And that's what you're going to find out,
next on Love Your Neighbor.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
♪ So much left unsaid ♪
♪ Whenever I leave ♪
♪ The bonds are made of concrete ♪
♪ I'm staying on this stop ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ Save your next trip for me ♪
♪ There is love if there is a will ♪
♪ Make me miss you no more ♪
So that means you don't know
who you're getting married to yet?
Uh.
Well, that's not very...
...um, conventional.
No. No, it's... It's not.
Uh...
Mm.
- Sorry, but how old are you?
- Twenty-five.
Ah, so you're not a little girl.
But you're not a woman yet. Hmm?
Isn't that a line from a song
by Christina Aguilera?
Listen, guys, the network
is asking me for more action.
We're planning a fun wedding,
not a wake. Okay?
And the song is not Christina Aguilera.
It's Britney Spears.
"I'm not a girl."
- "Not yet a woman."
- Huh.
"All I need is time."
"Britney, bitch."
Let's try again.
- I'm so excited to meet my fiancé.
- Wait.
- I can barely...
- One second. Wait.
Okay. Go.
- Now?
- Yeah.
I can hardly wait to meet my fiancé.
It feels incredible.
I feel...
I feel ready for this new chapter
in my life.
Abrantes.
Adémia.
Afife.
Agualva-Cacém.
- Morning.
- Aguda. Aguim.
Albergaria dos Velhos.
Albufeira-Ferreiras. Alcaide.
Every single train station
in alphabetical order.
And she's still only on "A"?
She just started
before you walked in.
Alcântara-Terra.
Do I remind her of a train or what?
Maybe. You never know.
Considering you always show up late
and you smell
like old and dusty furniture,
that could have something to do with it.
- Alhandra
- Mmm.
- Are those reality TV guys here already?
- Alpedrinha.
Yeah, they got here early.
- Alvega-Ortiga.
- What's the name of the show?
- Uh, Love Your Neighbor?
- Alverca.
- Love Your Neighbor.
- Mm.
As in, "Love everyone around you,
like in a free-love hippie kind of way"?
Areia Darque, Arentim
I think it's more
the religious perspective.
"Love your neighbor like I love you."
Basically, all that stuff Jesus said,
something like that.
I think that's it.
Okay, from now on,
you get your own coffee.
And Avanca.
And Avanca?
So did you two know
I was kidnapped in the year 1968
in Avanca?
If Joaquim hadn't
gotten together a million dollars,
then today I'd be...
Well, I'd probably still
be in the hands of those bandits.
No. Sorry.
I don't think that's right.
Oh. What nonsense.
No, it was...
It did happen,
but it was in Entroncamento.
Speaking of Entroncamento junction,
your mom, where is she?
- Baixa da Banheira
- Oh.
You're making a joke, huh?
As in "junction". Let me see.
Where trains
can go in different directions,
which is what Mom wants to do.
She wants to change directions
away from you. Good one.
You have got to stop with this
academic need to explain everything, son.
If you don't, you're gonna
end up a virgin, you hear me?
The landlord would prefer
one of your legs but it's negotiable
The owner had twins
and they've moved to Estoril.
I think they want to
open a bakery as well or something.
Hmm.
- As you can see, it needs work.
- Mm-hmm.
Please, look around.
But let's be honest.
You could paint the walls gold...
...and hang a Paula Rego
in the bathroom above the toilet, but...
...that won't make
a butt-ugly apartment like this
look any better.
This place is a dump
and it will always be a dump.
And how much is it a month?
Ah, for a rental, let's see,
it's actually a fairly reasonable price.
It's only a limb. Your choice.
An arm or a leg.
Lower or upper limb, it doesn't matter.
Oh, and they're also asking for your
three front teeth as a deposit up front.
Also a pound of flesh that you'll carve
from your own aging body.
Oh,
I guess the landlord would
really prefer one of your legs.
But that's completely negotiable,
of course.
I had no idea it was so expensive.
Do you mind me asking
how long it's been
since you last looked for an apartment?
Well, I'm sure
things have changed quite a bit.
What if I want to buy it?
Oh, well, in that case,
then all they ask for is that
you sacrifice your firstborn child.
I know. I know.
It's quite a painful down payment,
but I guarantee it will be worth it.
In the long run.
Are you very close to your eldest child?
Do you like her company?
Yes. I really love Rita. I really do.
Hold on.
I'm gonna show you something special
that might help you decide.
This great storage space.
It's perfect for hiding away
the dark things
we don't want anyone else to see,
to make sure they are out of sight
and locked up tightly.
You can keep your fear
of dying alone here as well,
or the feeling that after having
torn your entire family apart,
you'll still never
experience another orgasm.
- Never again.
- And the anxiety.
The crippling anxiety of having to get
naked in front of someone totally new
for the first time in 30 years,
this is the perfect place
to hide all of that and more.
Now close the door.
Pretend it doesn't exist.
Not even a Bulgarian
student would want this.
- My mother was Bulgarian.
- I can tell.
That an insult?
What do you have against
Bulgarians to take that as an insult?
You said not even
a Bulgarian student would want this.
I said that because the average
monthly salary in Bulgaria is what, €500?
- I've been to Varna and I loved it.
- Oh!
My mother was from Varna!
What do you think?
No. It's not what I'm looking for.
Thank you, no.
Not this.
But with your budget,
it'll be difficult to get anything better.
I... I'm so sorry.
This is crazy.
What am I doing?
Oh, God.
- Vanessa, wait!
- I must be out of my mind.
What do I think I'm doing?
This is crazy. This is crazy.
What? How is this possible? No.
No, not this.
Vanessa, I need to tell you something.
I should've told you ages ago,
but then you announced
you're getting a divorce...
Forty euros? Is this a joke?
Also, whenever you're with me,
your mind seems to be on something else.
- Hello? Are you there?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm getting married.
Again.
You don't know him.
I don't even know him that well.
We've been going out for three months,
but it's been so, so good. Incredible.
Then, out of nowhere,
he got on one knee and asked me.
What can I do, say no?
Mm.
His name is Francisco. Friend of a friend.
An engineer. He went to college
with Prime Minister Sócrates.
But don't think badly of him.
They weren't close.
Anyway, I think he votes Green.
- Hmm.
- And he's cute.
- Like, really, really, very cute?
- Very.
Very cute.
Ah.
- I have to go. I'm so late.
- Give me a lift, come on.
Lardosa. Lavradio.
And because she doesn't know
who she's marrying,
Clara is the only one with guests,
so as not to spoil the surprise.
What do you mean?
Well, there are two possibilities.
Vítor B. and Sara M.
A man and a woman?
And in the finale,
they're gonna do the big reveal.
So this is it?
- "This is it," what?
- This is it.
Marriage used to be sacred,
and now it's just some depressing show.
It's like watching Uncle Alberto
dance when he's drunk.
It's hilarious at first,
but then it's just really sad.
In your day, for example,
it was a serious vow.
It was right there, written in stone!
Don't drag us into it. You're frustrated
because Vanessa is making you sleep
on the couch every night, eh.
But you don't need to
make such a big deal about it.
Well, I think we should refuse to do it.
What do you mean, "refuse"?
Refuse to participate in this nonsense.
Do we take love seriously,
or are we just messing around?
I know. Don't answer that.
We need the money.
- What's going on, Dad?
- Nothing.
It's what I said. Wounded pride.
Wounding the pride of a man
going through a mid-life crisis
is worse than goading a wild animal
that's been locked in a cage
his whole life.
You said you didn't want
to get dragged into this.
So don't get involved!
- What mid-life crisis? What're you saying?
- Calm down. Sit down.
This is going to be good, okay?
Despite all the fireworks and cameras,
it'll be very easy to organize.
The ceremony is
going to be small and modest.
The production team doesn't want
to spend much money.
The wedding's the first episode.
After that, there's the honeymoon,
then they rent a house.
So then why are we even bothering?
Because if it goes well,
we could be the show's official partner.
- Exactly.
- Any idea how much publicity we'd get?
- Lots of publicity.
- No.
- Lots and lots of publicity.
- Lots and lots of publicity.
- Seriously, Dad, listen to her.
- Lots and lots.
Sorry, I'm late.
Don't you worry. No, you've arrived
just in time to hear the verdict.
What are you talking about?
True love is no more.
We need to come up with a new word
for what it is
we're supposed to be celebrating.
Because it doesn't work.
Love is out of style. It's dead.
Oh, here's a suggestion, just "Dead."
Because love is dead. Hmm?
Love equals death.
It makes total sense, huh?
- I "dead" you. The "Dead" of my life.
- Speaking of which,
- Natália's getting remarried.
- Dead letters.
- Remarried?
- To a Francisco.
The two of you, did you know?
Did you know this was happening?
She asked us not to say anything.
She wanted to be the one
to tell you herself.
Mm-hmm.
Your sister's love life
runs like clockwork.
Every seven years.
We get to go to another wedding.
Mm-hmm.
But it means
I don't have to cook.
Who's Francisco?
Mm. Someone who went to university
with President Sócrates.
But don't worry, he votes Green.
Oh, and she's invited us both
to her bachelorette party.
- A party?
- Tonight.
Okay, but shouldn't she
throw a divorce party instead?
Must be nice
to live life without hesitating.
Dad?
Are you having a stroke?
You're the one having a stroke.
You have to be patient with your dad.
Give him a bit of leeway.
Both of you. Be very patient with him.
- Okay, Mom. Don't worry.
- Yeah.
Everything's under control.
Hmm.
You know, a few years ago,
there was a study
that said that 50% of divorcees
end up regretting it.
And 42% of those people
ultimately decided to give their marriage
a second chance after some time apart.
Didn't you tell me exactly the opposite
of that just a few days ago?
That the vast majority of people
feel better after a divorce?
Yeah, but to be fair, that study was
also part of a marketing campaign
for The Love Punch DVD release.
- Did you watch it?
- No.
It's actually a pretty weak rom-com
that came out in 2013.
- Nothing special.
- Who's in it?
It starred Pierce Brosnan, Emma Thompson.
Didn't watch it, didn't like it.
It's not exactly very reliable,
so forget about it.
But it does hit on one thing,
that's what I want to say to you.
No decision is ever irreversible.
We can always change our minds.
Does it really hurt?
Uh, let me see.
Show me. Where does it hurt?
Here or underneath?
From up here to the tips of my fingers.
- The whole thing hurts?
- The whole thing.
- Okay, then. Let's try something.
- Okay.
Lift your arm
and take a breath at the same time.
It has to be a very deep breath.
Go on. Just like that. Yes.
Breathe, deeper, go on.
Keep going. Come on.
- Go on. That's it.
- You're a weird mixture.
Half autistic, half Shaolin monk.
I don't know how we made you.
Maybe you're not ours,
maybe you were switched at birth.
You gotta be very careful
with what you say.
Okay? Because I'm your son
and that could really scar my soul.
- All right?
- That's the problem.
Everything we say
and everything we do scars someone.
Or worse, doesn't even leave a scratch.
Where there's a spark,
there's fire
- You know what I do?
- No.
Before I fry the beef,
I add a bit of wheat flour on top.
- Hi.
- Add that makes a thick, creamy gravy.
Oh, fuck yeah!
I've never thought about doing that.
- My mom taught me that.
- Know what?
Just between you and I, that's exactly
what I think is wrong with Tatiana.
- What?
- Her parents were never really there.
Right? So she doesn't
have those basic skills.
At the end of the day,
this idiot is fucked.
Because if I get home and I don't cook,
what's for dinner?
- Scrambled eggs and rice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Exactly.
- That's it.
- You know, foundation is important.
- Hi.
Good evening. Evening.
Without a strong foundation,
the ground can always shift.
But you can be that foundation for her.
You're gonna make it
so she can build a strong home, but how?
Enough! I told you.
- Shit.
- Fucker.
It's not a good night, man.
I'm wondering if it's worth
having an in-house photographer.
Everyone who shows up here
has a camera in their pocket.
- It's bullshit.
- What're you saying? Are you firing me?
Jorge, come on, don't do this to me now.
- Not today.
- Daniel.
You still carry cash in a world
where everyone uses Venmo.
You're powerless in the face
of advancing technology, man.
Cash? What the fuck
are you even talking about?
- Do you think you're helping me?
- Whoa, whoa.
You really think you're helping?
- Calm down! Jesus! Calm down.
- Fucking idiot.
- Hey.
- Come on.
Everything's fine.
You look awful.
You look awful.
Pick that up.
You know what you need? A drink.
That's what you need.
I'll get you a drink.
Tonight it's on the house.
Come on. Let us through.
I can't believe she's doing this again.
What are we doing here?
- Hey!
- Hi!
I'm so happy you came.
You could have
told us a bit sooner.
Oh, but this is so much more fun.
This is Joana. Joana, this is Rita.
- Hi.
- There's my sister!
- Mm!
- Oh.
I'm so glad you're here.
I want to get married
at the villa, of course.
Oh, yeah. When will that be?
As soon as possible,
before one of us changes our minds.
Whoo! Yeah! Love this song.
- No, no, no.
- Let's dance. Aw.
Whoo!
Hi there.
Can I have a glass of red, please?
Another.
You know, if there's one thing
that's certain in life, my friend,
it's that even in the darkest of nights...
- Good night.
- ...sun has promised to rise in the morning.
What a beautiful thing you just said.
- You think?
- Yeah.
You should probably know
I'm always singing.
I have to go.
Are you sure you're okay to drive?
I am.
Need a ride?
Come on, give me your phone for a sec.
- Unlock it, please, if you would.
- Okay.
Uh...
We're getting a divorce.
Really. I swear.
Let me process this.
I just need to work out
if you're lying or not.
I've got three children.
One of them lives in Istanbul
with his family, can you believe it?
Call me. When it's done.
- When what's done?
- The divorce.
Clara deserves to be
really, really happy. She...
I'm gonna tell you a funny story
about her. This one time, we were...
We were going to the beach,
and there were these two paths
you could take to get there.
Uh, one that was super-clean,
it had signs and the dirt was flat.
And the other one went through the trees,
to the middle of a forest.
Obviously, we all wanted
to go along the official path. Right?
Clara said, "No, no, no.
I'm going this way, it's quicker."
Oh, Clara
2,500 EUROS
IN THE MAGIC FOLDER GAME
So obviously, she got to the beach first.
Her feet were covered in shit.
Oh, can Can I say "shit"?
Okay, sorry. Her feet were
covered in shit when we got there,
her legs were all scratched.
But she went straight
into the water and dove in.
It must have stung like hell
because of the scratches on her legs.
Poor girl. You should've seen it.
Her legs were all red.
She couldn't wear pants for like a week.
Clara.
But, yeah, she got there first.
Do you... Do you get what I'm saying?
Do you get it?
Do you know why?
LOVE JACKPOT
1,020 EUROS UP FOR GRABS
Because Clara wasn't scared
of taking the path that
no one else wanted to take.
You get... You get that metaphor?
You deserve to be
so immensely happy, Clara.
So, so happy.
Hey. Hey.
- Wake up, man.
- What's going on?
Is Vanessa okay?
I know what will cheer you up. Let's go.
Joaquim.
Hey, wait.
I'm coming.
Joaquim, what's going on, huh?
Put your hands up like this.
Okay.
Show me your hands.
No, like this.
Where did you
learn how to do this?
They used to call me the Tiger of Raia.
A long time ago,
I used to go to Spain to fight.
Lots of times.
I won more than I lost.
Hmm.
Uh
Go on. Push.
Everybody needs something, an outlet.
An escape, like a valve.
To blow off...
some steam when the pressure
builds and it's too much.
You mean like
reciting train stations alphabetically.
Huh.
If you just pummel it like a mad man,
you'll get tired in less than 15 seconds.
So, gradually, build your rhythm
and intensity as you go.
Just move around the bag.
It will help your concentration. Yeah?
- I've got a bad arm, but, yeah.
- Oh.
- Enough of that.
- Dad?
Uh...
Since when do you
wake up early to work out?
Grandpa, where's Grandma?
Everything's ready in the kitchen,
but I can't find her anywhere.
To this day, I don't know
where he got the money.
I ask him many times,
but he never told me.
I mean, think about it,
the lengths you'd have to go to
to get so many escudos.
You do know that
we used to use escudos, not euros?
Then imagine the hassle
of getting together that many escudos,
and then having to go to the bank
to exchange them.
And back then, things were different.
Things would take so much longer. Oof.
Days even.
Now, nothing takes more than a day.
It takes less than a day to get to
the other side of the world. Hmm?
Sirtomé, Mané.
Those were the names of my kidnappers.
I'll never forget because one of them
had such awfully bad breath. Ew.
Ugh.
Tickets, please.
Uh...
Thank you.
Your ticket.
Ticket.
- Hello. How are you?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Yeah, oh, I would love that.
Have a seat here.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
- Thank you, young man.
I'll tell you about Clara's
first relationship. His name was Carlos.
We called him the CC.
Like that show Close Circuit.
Talk about sparks in the air.
Uh, to begin with...
Uh, to begin with,
she didn't really pay him attention.
But he wouldn't leave her alone.
He was always in her face, always there.
He swore he was gonna win her over. Ugh.
And then, at some point,
he finally won her over, you know, but...
Whatever that means, right? "Win over."
I always think that's a bit dangerous,
when people think love is some kind of...
some kind of war, you know.
"I'm going to win you over."
You're gonna win me over?
Whoa there, calm down.
This isn't the 15th century, you know?
It's old-fashioned, from colonial times.
Not now. Now we...
I don't know,
we're a country now, you know?
A lot of people live here
and maybe you can get a tourist visa.
Yeah.
And if you behave yourself,
maybe you can spend a little bit of time
exploring this country.
We'll see. But please,
"Win me over"?
What usually happens
is that sooner or later,
people who've been conquered,
wanna be free eventually.
Know what I mean?
At least that's what I think.
When there's sparks, there's a fire,
sooner or later.
Hey, I'm sorry, I lost track
of what I was saying.
You can cut that shit later, right? You...
Oh, man.
That's such a cute little tuk-tuk.
Does it belong to production
or the grounds?
I'll be back, I'll be back.
Wait!
What are they going to do? Flip a coin?
You look beautiful.
It's going to be great.
THE BIG DAY HAS ARRIVED
Ah.
And the groom is
Vítor B.
Wow. Very good.
You look beautiful.
Can you believe we're doing this?
It doesn't feel real, does it?
Dad, you have to photograph the bride,
not your wife. Can you do that?
How's your arm?
- Better.
- Hmm.
Ready?
Yes. Although, I'm dying for a cigarette,
but I can definitely wait
until after we're married.
What?!
Uh...
THE WEDDING GOES SOUTH
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Vítor B.
Calm down. Come on.
- Get off!
- I told you. I told you this may happen.
- Come on, Almeida.
- I told you, a Type 1
I'm not picky.
I can see the best in anyone.
Except for people who smoke.
I don't have anything
against smokers, per se,
I just don't want to be near
any smokers, okay?
I don't.
That's fair, right?
There, there. I think we got it. Good job.
Well done, Vítor B.
Okay, flaws, flaws...
Of course I have some.
For example, oh, smoking.
I've tried quitting,
but I've never managed.
Who knows? Maybe now.
Hello, new life. Goodbye, old habits.
Uh...
Oh, so it's my fault?
I told you this might happen.
- I told you, but you didn't listen.
- Do you want to get a drink?
- What happened?
- Lots of publicity.
Lots and lots of publicity.
In three, two, one.
If I didn't disclose some information
which ended up sabotaging the wedding...
Wait. Speak up. Speak up.
Did I intentionally withhold information
and sabotage Clara's wedding and the show?
Yes. But I can explain why.
Clara filled out lots of questionnaires
that helped me work out
what's most important to her
when it comes to the one.
And...
It's me.
We have 97% compatibility.
Now she just needs to accept it.
I tried explaining it to her off-camera,
but she's just not very good at math.
Unless she thinks that I'm fat.
But I look extremely good for my age.
Don't I?
Oh!
Ah.
Have you paid the ransom to those bandits?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Where in the world
did you find all of that money?
You always find a way
to bring me home, my love.
Every time I sell everything I own.
A million dollars, that's nothing
if I can spend one more day with you.
- Oh, my dear. Oh, my.
- Ah.
Look.
♪ So much left unsaid ♪
♪ Whenever I leave ♪
♪ The bonds are made of concrete ♪
♪ I'm staying on this stop ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ Save your next trip for me ♪
♪ There is love if there is a will ♪
♪ Make me miss you no more ♪
I'm Clara, I'm 32 years old,
I'm from Portela de Sacavém,
and I'm looking for love.
Whether it's a man or a woman.
I don't care.
I just fall in love with the person.
Clara takes pride
in being different.
Of course, I mean, after all,
she's a Type 4 Enneagram.
That means she's pretty much
an individualist, you see.
But deep down, very deep down,
Clara is a romantic.
That's why she feels this struggle,
this internal conflict.
Everyone has
four essential principles, you know.
I was very surprised by the ones
that Clara chose for herself.
Mm Ah.
CLARA IS SEARCHING
FOR THE PERFECT LOVE
Love. Without a doubt. Hm.
LOVE
Mm, without honesty, it's all a lie.
Hmm.
Did someone hurt you? Did they lie to you?
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Oh, but if you make me laugh,
then half my heart is yours.
SENSE OF HUMOR
And how does a person win the other half?
Mm, you know.
Relationships are built
fundamentally on four pillars.
Four pillars that, for me,
are fundamental.
Action, motivation.
When I say "motivation,"
I mean motivation.
Acceptance.
And of course, respect.
Basically, I manage the expectations
that we tend to project
onto our ideal partner.
Clara has filled out
a lot of questionnaires
that had basically helped me work out
what her fundamental needs are
for finding love.
Then I had to figure out
what her physical ideal was in a partner.
I just have one request.
Please don't give me a fatso.
They're not, right?
My specialty is evaluation and diagnosis.
I'm here to make science work for love.
NEUROPSYCHOLOGIST
Well, in this phase,
uh, the matching phase,
it's essential to assess all the profiles,
their character,
uh, patterns of behavior,
uh, knowing how she will react
to this whole process,
predicting not only
the participant's response,
but also her brain's response.
Think of it as
a psychophysiological observation.
And this is how we now know,
uh, that Clara is, uh,
emotionally speaking, a Ferrari 488.
She goes from 0 to 60 in 2.26.
That's 2.26 milliseconds.
Give or take.
But that's why we're here.
We're ready to show them the path
to true love and happiness.
- You don't feel it?
- Mm-hmm.
You're not feeling this?
- Come on, look at that.
- Mm-hmm.
Clara, as you well know,
is a stunning woman.
And any of the participants would be lucky
to have her as their fiancé,
as their wife.
According to the data
in their love matches,
there are two possibilities.
Which one will it be?
So Clara and Vítor B.
have an 84% compatibility rating.
He works at a local restaurant
owned by his parents,
but his secret dream
is to be a truck driver.
And he's a Buddhist.
I've tried to find love.
I think I've done all I can do
to try and find love.
I've tried everything.
People I know, friends of people I know,
people I knew from social media,
people who were friends of friends
of people I knew only on social media.
And then there's Sara.
Clara has a 91%
compatibility rating with her.
Uh, I signed up because I believe in love.
I want to start my life from scratch.
And I'm sure therapists on TV
will make better life choices
than I will.
Hmm. Hmm.
WHO WILL BE THE CHOSEN ONE?
So now, who? Hmm?
Who's it going to be?
And that's what you're going to find out,
next on Love Your Neighbor.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
♪ So much left unsaid ♪
♪ Whenever I leave ♪
♪ The bonds are made of concrete ♪
♪ I'm staying on this stop ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ Save your next trip for me ♪
♪ There is love if there is a will ♪
♪ Make me miss you no more ♪
So that means you don't know
who you're getting married to yet?
Uh.
Well, that's not very...
...um, conventional.
No. No, it's... It's not.
Uh...
Mm.
- Sorry, but how old are you?
- Twenty-five.
Ah, so you're not a little girl.
But you're not a woman yet. Hmm?
Isn't that a line from a song
by Christina Aguilera?
Listen, guys, the network
is asking me for more action.
We're planning a fun wedding,
not a wake. Okay?
And the song is not Christina Aguilera.
It's Britney Spears.
"I'm not a girl."
- "Not yet a woman."
- Huh.
"All I need is time."
"Britney, bitch."
Let's try again.
- I'm so excited to meet my fiancé.
- Wait.
- I can barely...
- One second. Wait.
Okay. Go.
- Now?
- Yeah.
I can hardly wait to meet my fiancé.
It feels incredible.
I feel...
I feel ready for this new chapter
in my life.
Abrantes.
Adémia.
Afife.
Agualva-Cacém.
- Morning.
- Aguda. Aguim.
Albergaria dos Velhos.
Albufeira-Ferreiras. Alcaide.
Every single train station
in alphabetical order.
And she's still only on "A"?
She just started
before you walked in.
Alcântara-Terra.
Do I remind her of a train or what?
Maybe. You never know.
Considering you always show up late
and you smell
like old and dusty furniture,
that could have something to do with it.
- Alhandra
- Mmm.
- Are those reality TV guys here already?
- Alpedrinha.
Yeah, they got here early.
- Alvega-Ortiga.
- What's the name of the show?
- Uh, Love Your Neighbor?
- Alverca.
- Love Your Neighbor.
- Mm.
As in, "Love everyone around you,
like in a free-love hippie kind of way"?
Areia Darque, Arentim
I think it's more
the religious perspective.
"Love your neighbor like I love you."
Basically, all that stuff Jesus said,
something like that.
I think that's it.
Okay, from now on,
you get your own coffee.
And Avanca.
And Avanca?
So did you two know
I was kidnapped in the year 1968
in Avanca?
If Joaquim hadn't
gotten together a million dollars,
then today I'd be...
Well, I'd probably still
be in the hands of those bandits.
No. Sorry.
I don't think that's right.
Oh. What nonsense.
No, it was...
It did happen,
but it was in Entroncamento.
Speaking of Entroncamento junction,
your mom, where is she?
- Baixa da Banheira
- Oh.
You're making a joke, huh?
As in "junction". Let me see.
Where trains
can go in different directions,
which is what Mom wants to do.
She wants to change directions
away from you. Good one.
You have got to stop with this
academic need to explain everything, son.
If you don't, you're gonna
end up a virgin, you hear me?
The landlord would prefer
one of your legs but it's negotiable
The owner had twins
and they've moved to Estoril.
I think they want to
open a bakery as well or something.
Hmm.
- As you can see, it needs work.
- Mm-hmm.
Please, look around.
But let's be honest.
You could paint the walls gold...
...and hang a Paula Rego
in the bathroom above the toilet, but...
...that won't make
a butt-ugly apartment like this
look any better.
This place is a dump
and it will always be a dump.
And how much is it a month?
Ah, for a rental, let's see,
it's actually a fairly reasonable price.
It's only a limb. Your choice.
An arm or a leg.
Lower or upper limb, it doesn't matter.
Oh, and they're also asking for your
three front teeth as a deposit up front.
Also a pound of flesh that you'll carve
from your own aging body.
Oh,
I guess the landlord would
really prefer one of your legs.
But that's completely negotiable,
of course.
I had no idea it was so expensive.
Do you mind me asking
how long it's been
since you last looked for an apartment?
Well, I'm sure
things have changed quite a bit.
What if I want to buy it?
Oh, well, in that case,
then all they ask for is that
you sacrifice your firstborn child.
I know. I know.
It's quite a painful down payment,
but I guarantee it will be worth it.
In the long run.
Are you very close to your eldest child?
Do you like her company?
Yes. I really love Rita. I really do.
Hold on.
I'm gonna show you something special
that might help you decide.
This great storage space.
It's perfect for hiding away
the dark things
we don't want anyone else to see,
to make sure they are out of sight
and locked up tightly.
You can keep your fear
of dying alone here as well,
or the feeling that after having
torn your entire family apart,
you'll still never
experience another orgasm.
- Never again.
- And the anxiety.
The crippling anxiety of having to get
naked in front of someone totally new
for the first time in 30 years,
this is the perfect place
to hide all of that and more.
Now close the door.
Pretend it doesn't exist.
Not even a Bulgarian
student would want this.
- My mother was Bulgarian.
- I can tell.
That an insult?
What do you have against
Bulgarians to take that as an insult?
You said not even
a Bulgarian student would want this.
I said that because the average
monthly salary in Bulgaria is what, €500?
- I've been to Varna and I loved it.
- Oh!
My mother was from Varna!
What do you think?
No. It's not what I'm looking for.
Thank you, no.
Not this.
But with your budget,
it'll be difficult to get anything better.
I... I'm so sorry.
This is crazy.
What am I doing?
Oh, God.
- Vanessa, wait!
- I must be out of my mind.
What do I think I'm doing?
This is crazy. This is crazy.
What? How is this possible? No.
No, not this.
Vanessa, I need to tell you something.
I should've told you ages ago,
but then you announced
you're getting a divorce...
Forty euros? Is this a joke?
Also, whenever you're with me,
your mind seems to be on something else.
- Hello? Are you there?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm getting married.
Again.
You don't know him.
I don't even know him that well.
We've been going out for three months,
but it's been so, so good. Incredible.
Then, out of nowhere,
he got on one knee and asked me.
What can I do, say no?
Mm.
His name is Francisco. Friend of a friend.
An engineer. He went to college
with Prime Minister Sócrates.
But don't think badly of him.
They weren't close.
Anyway, I think he votes Green.
- Hmm.
- And he's cute.
- Like, really, really, very cute?
- Very.
Very cute.
Ah.
- I have to go. I'm so late.
- Give me a lift, come on.
Lardosa. Lavradio.
And because she doesn't know
who she's marrying,
Clara is the only one with guests,
so as not to spoil the surprise.
What do you mean?
Well, there are two possibilities.
Vítor B. and Sara M.
A man and a woman?
And in the finale,
they're gonna do the big reveal.
So this is it?
- "This is it," what?
- This is it.
Marriage used to be sacred,
and now it's just some depressing show.
It's like watching Uncle Alberto
dance when he's drunk.
It's hilarious at first,
but then it's just really sad.
In your day, for example,
it was a serious vow.
It was right there, written in stone!
Don't drag us into it. You're frustrated
because Vanessa is making you sleep
on the couch every night, eh.
But you don't need to
make such a big deal about it.
Well, I think we should refuse to do it.
What do you mean, "refuse"?
Refuse to participate in this nonsense.
Do we take love seriously,
or are we just messing around?
I know. Don't answer that.
We need the money.
- What's going on, Dad?
- Nothing.
It's what I said. Wounded pride.
Wounding the pride of a man
going through a mid-life crisis
is worse than goading a wild animal
that's been locked in a cage
his whole life.
You said you didn't want
to get dragged into this.
So don't get involved!
- What mid-life crisis? What're you saying?
- Calm down. Sit down.
This is going to be good, okay?
Despite all the fireworks and cameras,
it'll be very easy to organize.
The ceremony is
going to be small and modest.
The production team doesn't want
to spend much money.
The wedding's the first episode.
After that, there's the honeymoon,
then they rent a house.
So then why are we even bothering?
Because if it goes well,
we could be the show's official partner.
- Exactly.
- Any idea how much publicity we'd get?
- Lots of publicity.
- No.
- Lots and lots of publicity.
- Lots and lots of publicity.
- Seriously, Dad, listen to her.
- Lots and lots.
Sorry, I'm late.
Don't you worry. No, you've arrived
just in time to hear the verdict.
What are you talking about?
True love is no more.
We need to come up with a new word
for what it is
we're supposed to be celebrating.
Because it doesn't work.
Love is out of style. It's dead.
Oh, here's a suggestion, just "Dead."
Because love is dead. Hmm?
Love equals death.
It makes total sense, huh?
- I "dead" you. The "Dead" of my life.
- Speaking of which,
- Natália's getting remarried.
- Dead letters.
- Remarried?
- To a Francisco.
The two of you, did you know?
Did you know this was happening?
She asked us not to say anything.
She wanted to be the one
to tell you herself.
Mm-hmm.
Your sister's love life
runs like clockwork.
Every seven years.
We get to go to another wedding.
Mm-hmm.
But it means
I don't have to cook.
Who's Francisco?
Mm. Someone who went to university
with President Sócrates.
But don't worry, he votes Green.
Oh, and she's invited us both
to her bachelorette party.
- A party?
- Tonight.
Okay, but shouldn't she
throw a divorce party instead?
Must be nice
to live life without hesitating.
Dad?
Are you having a stroke?
You're the one having a stroke.
You have to be patient with your dad.
Give him a bit of leeway.
Both of you. Be very patient with him.
- Okay, Mom. Don't worry.
- Yeah.
Everything's under control.
Hmm.
You know, a few years ago,
there was a study
that said that 50% of divorcees
end up regretting it.
And 42% of those people
ultimately decided to give their marriage
a second chance after some time apart.
Didn't you tell me exactly the opposite
of that just a few days ago?
That the vast majority of people
feel better after a divorce?
Yeah, but to be fair, that study was
also part of a marketing campaign
for The Love Punch DVD release.
- Did you watch it?
- No.
It's actually a pretty weak rom-com
that came out in 2013.
- Nothing special.
- Who's in it?
It starred Pierce Brosnan, Emma Thompson.
Didn't watch it, didn't like it.
It's not exactly very reliable,
so forget about it.
But it does hit on one thing,
that's what I want to say to you.
No decision is ever irreversible.
We can always change our minds.
Does it really hurt?
Uh, let me see.
Show me. Where does it hurt?
Here or underneath?
From up here to the tips of my fingers.
- The whole thing hurts?
- The whole thing.
- Okay, then. Let's try something.
- Okay.
Lift your arm
and take a breath at the same time.
It has to be a very deep breath.
Go on. Just like that. Yes.
Breathe, deeper, go on.
Keep going. Come on.
- Go on. That's it.
- You're a weird mixture.
Half autistic, half Shaolin monk.
I don't know how we made you.
Maybe you're not ours,
maybe you were switched at birth.
You gotta be very careful
with what you say.
Okay? Because I'm your son
and that could really scar my soul.
- All right?
- That's the problem.
Everything we say
and everything we do scars someone.
Or worse, doesn't even leave a scratch.
Where there's a spark,
there's fire
- You know what I do?
- No.
Before I fry the beef,
I add a bit of wheat flour on top.
- Hi.
- Add that makes a thick, creamy gravy.
Oh, fuck yeah!
I've never thought about doing that.
- My mom taught me that.
- Know what?
Just between you and I, that's exactly
what I think is wrong with Tatiana.
- What?
- Her parents were never really there.
Right? So she doesn't
have those basic skills.
At the end of the day,
this idiot is fucked.
Because if I get home and I don't cook,
what's for dinner?
- Scrambled eggs and rice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Exactly.
- That's it.
- You know, foundation is important.
- Hi.
Good evening. Evening.
Without a strong foundation,
the ground can always shift.
But you can be that foundation for her.
You're gonna make it
so she can build a strong home, but how?
Enough! I told you.
- Shit.
- Fucker.
It's not a good night, man.
I'm wondering if it's worth
having an in-house photographer.
Everyone who shows up here
has a camera in their pocket.
- It's bullshit.
- What're you saying? Are you firing me?
Jorge, come on, don't do this to me now.
- Not today.
- Daniel.
You still carry cash in a world
where everyone uses Venmo.
You're powerless in the face
of advancing technology, man.
Cash? What the fuck
are you even talking about?
- Do you think you're helping me?
- Whoa, whoa.
You really think you're helping?
- Calm down! Jesus! Calm down.
- Fucking idiot.
- Hey.
- Come on.
Everything's fine.
You look awful.
You look awful.
Pick that up.
You know what you need? A drink.
That's what you need.
I'll get you a drink.
Tonight it's on the house.
Come on. Let us through.
I can't believe she's doing this again.
What are we doing here?
- Hey!
- Hi!
I'm so happy you came.
You could have
told us a bit sooner.
Oh, but this is so much more fun.
This is Joana. Joana, this is Rita.
- Hi.
- There's my sister!
- Mm!
- Oh.
I'm so glad you're here.
I want to get married
at the villa, of course.
Oh, yeah. When will that be?
As soon as possible,
before one of us changes our minds.
Whoo! Yeah! Love this song.
- No, no, no.
- Let's dance. Aw.
Whoo!
Hi there.
Can I have a glass of red, please?
Another.
You know, if there's one thing
that's certain in life, my friend,
it's that even in the darkest of nights...
- Good night.
- ...sun has promised to rise in the morning.
What a beautiful thing you just said.
- You think?
- Yeah.
You should probably know
I'm always singing.
I have to go.
Are you sure you're okay to drive?
I am.
Need a ride?
Come on, give me your phone for a sec.
- Unlock it, please, if you would.
- Okay.
Uh...
We're getting a divorce.
Really. I swear.
Let me process this.
I just need to work out
if you're lying or not.
I've got three children.
One of them lives in Istanbul
with his family, can you believe it?
Call me. When it's done.
- When what's done?
- The divorce.
Clara deserves to be
really, really happy. She...
I'm gonna tell you a funny story
about her. This one time, we were...
We were going to the beach,
and there were these two paths
you could take to get there.
Uh, one that was super-clean,
it had signs and the dirt was flat.
And the other one went through the trees,
to the middle of a forest.
Obviously, we all wanted
to go along the official path. Right?
Clara said, "No, no, no.
I'm going this way, it's quicker."
Oh, Clara
2,500 EUROS
IN THE MAGIC FOLDER GAME
So obviously, she got to the beach first.
Her feet were covered in shit.
Oh, can Can I say "shit"?
Okay, sorry. Her feet were
covered in shit when we got there,
her legs were all scratched.
But she went straight
into the water and dove in.
It must have stung like hell
because of the scratches on her legs.
Poor girl. You should've seen it.
Her legs were all red.
She couldn't wear pants for like a week.
Clara.
But, yeah, she got there first.
Do you... Do you get what I'm saying?
Do you get it?
Do you know why?
LOVE JACKPOT
1,020 EUROS UP FOR GRABS
Because Clara wasn't scared
of taking the path that
no one else wanted to take.
You get... You get that metaphor?
You deserve to be
so immensely happy, Clara.
So, so happy.
Hey. Hey.
- Wake up, man.
- What's going on?
Is Vanessa okay?
I know what will cheer you up. Let's go.
Joaquim.
Hey, wait.
I'm coming.
Joaquim, what's going on, huh?
Put your hands up like this.
Okay.
Show me your hands.
No, like this.
Where did you
learn how to do this?
They used to call me the Tiger of Raia.
A long time ago,
I used to go to Spain to fight.
Lots of times.
I won more than I lost.
Hmm.
Uh
Go on. Push.
Everybody needs something, an outlet.
An escape, like a valve.
To blow off...
some steam when the pressure
builds and it's too much.
You mean like
reciting train stations alphabetically.
Huh.
If you just pummel it like a mad man,
you'll get tired in less than 15 seconds.
So, gradually, build your rhythm
and intensity as you go.
Just move around the bag.
It will help your concentration. Yeah?
- I've got a bad arm, but, yeah.
- Oh.
- Enough of that.
- Dad?
Uh...
Since when do you
wake up early to work out?
Grandpa, where's Grandma?
Everything's ready in the kitchen,
but I can't find her anywhere.
To this day, I don't know
where he got the money.
I ask him many times,
but he never told me.
I mean, think about it,
the lengths you'd have to go to
to get so many escudos.
You do know that
we used to use escudos, not euros?
Then imagine the hassle
of getting together that many escudos,
and then having to go to the bank
to exchange them.
And back then, things were different.
Things would take so much longer. Oof.
Days even.
Now, nothing takes more than a day.
It takes less than a day to get to
the other side of the world. Hmm?
Sirtomé, Mané.
Those were the names of my kidnappers.
I'll never forget because one of them
had such awfully bad breath. Ew.
Ugh.
Tickets, please.
Uh...
Thank you.
Your ticket.
Ticket.
- Hello. How are you?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Yeah, oh, I would love that.
Have a seat here.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
- Thank you, young man.
I'll tell you about Clara's
first relationship. His name was Carlos.
We called him the CC.
Like that show Close Circuit.
Talk about sparks in the air.
Uh, to begin with...
Uh, to begin with,
she didn't really pay him attention.
But he wouldn't leave her alone.
He was always in her face, always there.
He swore he was gonna win her over. Ugh.
And then, at some point,
he finally won her over, you know, but...
Whatever that means, right? "Win over."
I always think that's a bit dangerous,
when people think love is some kind of...
some kind of war, you know.
"I'm going to win you over."
You're gonna win me over?
Whoa there, calm down.
This isn't the 15th century, you know?
It's old-fashioned, from colonial times.
Not now. Now we...
I don't know,
we're a country now, you know?
A lot of people live here
and maybe you can get a tourist visa.
Yeah.
And if you behave yourself,
maybe you can spend a little bit of time
exploring this country.
We'll see. But please,
"Win me over"?
What usually happens
is that sooner or later,
people who've been conquered,
wanna be free eventually.
Know what I mean?
At least that's what I think.
When there's sparks, there's a fire,
sooner or later.
Hey, I'm sorry, I lost track
of what I was saying.
You can cut that shit later, right? You...
Oh, man.
That's such a cute little tuk-tuk.
Does it belong to production
or the grounds?
I'll be back, I'll be back.
Wait!
What are they going to do? Flip a coin?
You look beautiful.
It's going to be great.
THE BIG DAY HAS ARRIVED
Ah.
And the groom is
Vítor B.
Wow. Very good.
You look beautiful.
Can you believe we're doing this?
It doesn't feel real, does it?
Dad, you have to photograph the bride,
not your wife. Can you do that?
How's your arm?
- Better.
- Hmm.
Ready?
Yes. Although, I'm dying for a cigarette,
but I can definitely wait
until after we're married.
What?!
Uh...
THE WEDDING GOES SOUTH
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Vítor B.
Calm down. Come on.
- Get off!
- I told you. I told you this may happen.
- Come on, Almeida.
- I told you, a Type 1
I'm not picky.
I can see the best in anyone.
Except for people who smoke.
I don't have anything
against smokers, per se,
I just don't want to be near
any smokers, okay?
I don't.
That's fair, right?
There, there. I think we got it. Good job.
Well done, Vítor B.
Okay, flaws, flaws...
Of course I have some.
For example, oh, smoking.
I've tried quitting,
but I've never managed.
Who knows? Maybe now.
Hello, new life. Goodbye, old habits.
Uh...
Oh, so it's my fault?
I told you this might happen.
- I told you, but you didn't listen.
- Do you want to get a drink?
- What happened?
- Lots of publicity.
Lots and lots of publicity.
In three, two, one.
If I didn't disclose some information
which ended up sabotaging the wedding...
Wait. Speak up. Speak up.
Did I intentionally withhold information
and sabotage Clara's wedding and the show?
Yes. But I can explain why.
Clara filled out lots of questionnaires
that helped me work out
what's most important to her
when it comes to the one.
And...
It's me.
We have 97% compatibility.
Now she just needs to accept it.
I tried explaining it to her off-camera,
but she's just not very good at math.
Unless she thinks that I'm fat.
But I look extremely good for my age.
Don't I?
Oh!
Ah.
Have you paid the ransom to those bandits?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Where in the world
did you find all of that money?
You always find a way
to bring me home, my love.
Every time I sell everything I own.
A million dollars, that's nothing
if I can spend one more day with you.
- Oh, my dear. Oh, my.
- Ah.
Look.
♪ So much left unsaid ♪
♪ Whenever I leave ♪
♪ The bonds are made of concrete ♪
♪ I'm staying on this stop ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ Save your next trip for me ♪
♪ There is love if there is a will ♪
♪ Make me miss you no more ♪