Ash vs Evil Dead (2015–2018): Season 3, Episode 2 - Booth Three - full transcript
Ruby gives birth to a form of evil and disguises herself to bond with Brandy. Kelly returns with a friend who is leading the search for The One to defeat The Dark One, while Ash realizes evil is out to get his daughter.
I'll take that. No, no, wait.
It's too important...
I'm your fucking wife.
One of your goddamn monsters
just attacked our daughter.
Help me!
I'm your Pop. What?
Mom!
Looky who's back.
This is Dalton.
He's with the
Knights of Sumeria.
I've been waiting for the chance
to battle this ancient evil
my entire life.
We'll destroy your seed,
and your whore daughter too.
It looks like evil's back,
and Elk Grove is ground zero.
Ghost Beaters are back!
FuckingA, right we are.
Don't you do it.
Don't you do it.
You little shit.
Just let me get off this
fucking road!
Here we go.
Whoa!
Shit!
Wait here.
Holy shit.
It's a fucking baby.
Come here.
You may be born from the image
of that idiot Ash,
but you'll be nothing like him.
Herregud! Eric?!
Hey, kiddo. Rise and shine.
You sleep okay?
Go away.
Look, last night was the first
time you experienced
a fullon, ballsout,
pedaltothemetal
demon spawn attack.
And look that's rough, I know.
Now if you want
to stay in bed all day,
that's totally fine.
Because I'm one
of those "cool" dads,
like you see in the movies.
I just want my mom back.
That's the one thing
I can't pull out of my butt.
You left this in the Delta.
Some counselor
from Kenward High,
left you one of those
text things.
Ms. Prevett?
Can you give me
a ride to school?
Really, I thought maybe
you'd want to spend the day
with your old man.
Get a peek behind the scenes
at a real working
hardware store.
No, I need to see Ms. Prevett.
She's been a real friend,
and probably the only person
I can really talk to now.
Come on now.
The "only" one?
Can you give me a ride,
or should I call an Uber?
So you take off without a word,
all "chasing after the fight,"
and then suddenly you're back,
with this clown?
Come on.
Pablo... you know me.
I don't know. Do I?
I don't know because
I fucking hate clowns.
Hey, I needed to stay
in the fight.
Okay? And that's
all that this is about.
Yeah, well,
I'm not buying this...
this whole,
"Princes Of Sumeria" thing.
It's "Knights."
If they're so badass,
how come we're just hearing
about them right now?
Because shit's about
to get fucked up.
More so than usual. Yeah?
How would he know?
Dude. Knights?
Sumeria?
Dalton's ancestors were whaling
on evil way back in 1400s.
Which would make his
greatgreatwhatever
a really big deal,
but this guy, is just...
Is just glad to know that
the centuries my ancestors
and I spent prepping for evil's
return weren't a total waste.
Yeah, well...
that must be a load off.
Fruit Loop? I'm glutenfree.
You know what?
I know how we got into the
"kicking evil butt" business,
but what's in it for you?
My brothers have been
fighting evil much longer
than you can imagine.
Tell him Dalton.
Tell him what you told me.
Evil's manifested in many
forms over the years.
The Black Death, war, famine.
But it's all rooted back
to the master demons
we call the Dark Ones.
It seemed like there
was no stopping them,
but then the unexpected
happened.
The most ruthless one of them
betrayed the others,
and cast them from our world.
In Latin, they called her
"Mulier Daemonium Degnaie."
"Demon Woman of Fire."
My ancestor seized
the opportunity
to steal the source
of their power...
Necronomicon ExMortis.
A lot of good men and women gave
their lives to get that book.
Legend has it, one of us,
a sorceress named Kaya,
was seduced by the power
of the Necronomicon,
and tried to use it.
But her soul was taken,
and bound within the book.
Only the Prophesied One
can abolish the Dark Ones.
So my brothers and I are sworn
to remain vigilant.
To find, and protect him until
the foretold battle
against evil.
Right, evil's back. Got it.
Thanks for the scoop,
Poindexter.
Save the knee.
Yes, I'm very special,
message received.
Now look, if story time's over,
can we talk about something
that's really important?
Time to tear evil
a new one, jefe?
No. It's this whole "Dad" thing.
Here I am, kicking evil
in the nards,
and what do I get out of it?
A daughter that treats me
like dryer lint.
How was I supposed to know
that all that crazy sex
could lead to a kid?
Yeah, funny how that works.
You know what, let's just hope
he didn't leave anymore
little Brandys out there.
Jesus of Anaheim.
Hi Dad!
Meet the rest of your kids!
Hey, Dad.
I'll be in the car.
That demon girl did say
something about my seed.
Pablo, I have Brandy duty,
then I got to check
something out.
Can you open the store
solo this morning?
The store? Jefe, evil is back!
Ghost Beaters got to gear up!
What he said.
New guy, take a knee.
Now listen up.
Evil is not the boss of us.
We got to do that thing,
what's it called?
Like when you're
driving in a car,
putting on deodorant,
and trying to drink a beer
at the same time?
Reckless endangerment?
No, Kelly, keep up.
Multitasking, that's it.
We can do this.
We can whale on evil,
and provide Elk Grove
with top quality hardware,
at a reasonable price.
But... But not that reasonable!
I missed him.
So, umm...
I'm sorry about your mom.
Yeah, ol' Candy was a hell
of a gal back in the day.
She had a real
"can do" attitude.
You said you barely
remembered her.
Well, she just caught me
by surprise is all.
Hey, cute story.
On our wedding night,
we were going at it
in the back seat,
when all that Kentucky Glory
started to catch up on her.
But after she sicked up
on the front dash,
and I mean all over
the front dash,
she was ready for round two.
Let me tell you, not a lot
of ladies have that kind of...
Hey, hey.
Good shit.
Brandy... as your father,
it's probably wrong
for me to suggest
that you mislead the police.
Yeah, it probably is.
But involvement
in a double homicide
can turn into a platter
of shit burgers but quick,
so you might want to ixnay,
about the urdersmay.
Have a nice day at school!
Love you!
Help!
Hey, Brandy.
Hey... couldn't
believe it when I heard.
Police asked me
to reach out, but -
I know, I just saw them outside,
but I just can't face them yet.
They're going to ask me
questions about my mom,
and Rachel, and...
you're the only friend
I have left.
Well, you can always
come to me, Brandy.
Now... talk to me.
Tell me everything.
It was so horrible...
there was this...
this thing in the hall.
And then- and then Rachel...
I know it sounds crazy,
but it's like she turned
into some kind of monster.
Do you believe me?
I believe that
a lot of strange things
happen in this town.
My mom's gone.
And then I find out that
Ashy Slashy is my real father.
Really?
It's okay.
I've got you now.
Pablo?
Pablito?
Pablito?
You fucking with me?
Because I know you talk.
That's what I thought.
No.
Sh...
Pablo!
You are in grave danger.
Who sent you?
Your uncle.
The Brujo.
Only his magia can save you,
from the evil etched
into your skin.
Shit.
You rejected his world once.
You must not reject
tu destino again.
Okay, but what do I need to do?
Sorry, Dalton left
his beard trimmer in...
What?
Hey, you okay?
There was a naked lady,
right there.
Butbut that's normal
for this place.
Yeah.
Those marks on your arms.
That's Sumerian writing.
Yeah, and what?
You've been marked by evil.
Yeah, well, I already know that.
I should probably get to work,
and not fight evil right now.
What was that?
Those marks mean
your little buddy's soul
is in mortal danger.
It's not like he asked
for those Sumerian tats, okay?
They're battle scars,
and his soul won that battle.
But he's been touched by evil.
The legends warn about this.
Sooner or later,
he's gonna go demon.
And then he'll be out for blood.
It's not going
to happen, Dalton.
Okay, you got to trust me
on this one,
because this is Pablo
we're talking about.
He's like my little brother,
he's my best friend.
Kelly,
I know you don't
want to hear it,
but if I'm right,
this goes one of two ways.
He kills us...
or we kill him.
So, after this nightmare ended,
this man, your "father,"
he took you to his house?
Yeah, I guess I'm staying
there for now.
He's got me sleeping
in his sister's old room.
Cheryl? Yeah.
She died or something, right?
Or something.
Ash murdered her.
He shot her right in the face
with his shotgun.
His own sister.
Brandy...
now the last thing
I want to do is frighten you.
But your dad killed
a lot of people.
At this point, your safety
is my primary concern.
So, do you feel safe
with your father?
It's okay. We'll talk
again soon, okay?
Mr. Williams.
Hi. How's your father?
He's still dead.
Too bad. He was a good man.
Produced a lovely semen.
High sperm count.
Is that a fact?
Unfortunately,
we couldn't use it.
Syphilis.
Hey, Mr. Williams. Hi.
Booth three as usual?
Actually, Marci,
as my ethnically diverse
friend Pablo would say,
I need a "porfavor."
As you know, I've supported
clinics like this
for years, and years.
It'sit's been my life's work.
So, I was just curious.
Is there a way to find out,
if anybody's ever ponied up
for my particular man
well, we're not really supposed
to give out that information.
No, course not.
Yeah, I understand.
But come on,
we're talking about "me".
We're talking about
your old pal Ash.
We're talking about the hero,
of ElkfuckingGrove.
It really is against the law.
Now, that little sweetie,
is worth 20% off
on almost everything
in Ashy Slashy's.
You know sale items, liquor,
and perishables excluded,
of course.
What do you say?
30% would be better.
For you, the moon.
There you go.
Let me see what I can dig up.
Might take me a few minutes.
Course.
Yeah. Pow.
Hey, Marci? You know what?
What the hell, while I'm here,
might as well do my part?
Easy money.
Destroy his seed.
There must be no more progeny
of Ash Williams.
His seed must die.
Hey, what's going on out there?
You guys pay your electric bill?
Come on.
What was that?
My horoscope told me
some strange things
were going to happen today.
What the hell is going on?
Yeah.
Trying to take care
of some business in here.
Can you keep it down?
Mrs. Lam?
Hello gorgeous.
[ "Take On Me" by A.
Can you hear me?
Mrs. Lam?
Are you all right?
No.
What are you looking at,
asshole?
What do you think
I'm looking at?
Aw, not so hard,
are you now, Ash?
Your seed must die!
Ha!
Mrs. Lam?
Your seed must die!
Hey!
Ooh! Every...
last...
drop!
Objectifying motherfucker!
We're going to rip
your balls off, Ash!
I'm not finished yet!
That's what they all say, baby.
Yo, Pablo.
Hey, so...
My God.
Holy shit.
Man, dreams do come true.
Yeah...
some of them.
Come on, Pablo.
I had to get away.
I was forging my path and shit.
Plus, you know how Ash can be
when he's not fighting evil.
He... Smells like Bengay?
I was going to say, Yeah.
"He gets a little
hard to take," but...
totally.
Yo, what's with your boy Dalton,
scoping me out like
he's some sort of INS agent?
It's those tats, Pablo.
Dalton thinks that...
They're cool?
That it means this evil
shit is still inside you.
But you're feeling good, right?
I mean, nothing
weird or anything?
Yeah.
It's nothing more than usual.
I'm good.
Business is booming I see.
What the fuck happened to you?
That is a long, sad story,
involving some unsightly
bodily fluids.
One thing is clear...
evil's after my offspring.
The born, and the unborn.
Why? I wish I knew, Pablo.
But I'll tell you this.
From now on, protecting
Brandy is job one.
I may suck balls as a father,
but I will not let evil
take that away.
Brandy, I meant.
Or my balls. We got it.
My God!
Please!
Let me go!
Why would you want to leave?
You're about to be part
of an amazing metamorphosis.
A... what?
My little creature was born
out of the Book of the Dead.
He's destined to be
the next Prophesied One.
I... don't understand.
When the current
Prophesied One is killed
by his own flesh and blood,
his powers will move
to the next in line.
When I'm done with Ash Williams
and his daughter,
my baby will be
the last man standing.
He's hungry.
What is it you want from me?
A leg, a thigh.
He's not picky.
It's too important...
I'm your fucking wife.
One of your goddamn monsters
just attacked our daughter.
Help me!
I'm your Pop. What?
Mom!
Looky who's back.
This is Dalton.
He's with the
Knights of Sumeria.
I've been waiting for the chance
to battle this ancient evil
my entire life.
We'll destroy your seed,
and your whore daughter too.
It looks like evil's back,
and Elk Grove is ground zero.
Ghost Beaters are back!
FuckingA, right we are.
Don't you do it.
Don't you do it.
You little shit.
Just let me get off this
fucking road!
Here we go.
Whoa!
Shit!
Wait here.
Holy shit.
It's a fucking baby.
Come here.
You may be born from the image
of that idiot Ash,
but you'll be nothing like him.
Herregud! Eric?!
Hey, kiddo. Rise and shine.
You sleep okay?
Go away.
Look, last night was the first
time you experienced
a fullon, ballsout,
pedaltothemetal
demon spawn attack.
And look that's rough, I know.
Now if you want
to stay in bed all day,
that's totally fine.
Because I'm one
of those "cool" dads,
like you see in the movies.
I just want my mom back.
That's the one thing
I can't pull out of my butt.
You left this in the Delta.
Some counselor
from Kenward High,
left you one of those
text things.
Ms. Prevett?
Can you give me
a ride to school?
Really, I thought maybe
you'd want to spend the day
with your old man.
Get a peek behind the scenes
at a real working
hardware store.
No, I need to see Ms. Prevett.
She's been a real friend,
and probably the only person
I can really talk to now.
Come on now.
The "only" one?
Can you give me a ride,
or should I call an Uber?
So you take off without a word,
all "chasing after the fight,"
and then suddenly you're back,
with this clown?
Come on.
Pablo... you know me.
I don't know. Do I?
I don't know because
I fucking hate clowns.
Hey, I needed to stay
in the fight.
Okay? And that's
all that this is about.
Yeah, well,
I'm not buying this...
this whole,
"Princes Of Sumeria" thing.
It's "Knights."
If they're so badass,
how come we're just hearing
about them right now?
Because shit's about
to get fucked up.
More so than usual. Yeah?
How would he know?
Dude. Knights?
Sumeria?
Dalton's ancestors were whaling
on evil way back in 1400s.
Which would make his
greatgreatwhatever
a really big deal,
but this guy, is just...
Is just glad to know that
the centuries my ancestors
and I spent prepping for evil's
return weren't a total waste.
Yeah, well...
that must be a load off.
Fruit Loop? I'm glutenfree.
You know what?
I know how we got into the
"kicking evil butt" business,
but what's in it for you?
My brothers have been
fighting evil much longer
than you can imagine.
Tell him Dalton.
Tell him what you told me.
Evil's manifested in many
forms over the years.
The Black Death, war, famine.
But it's all rooted back
to the master demons
we call the Dark Ones.
It seemed like there
was no stopping them,
but then the unexpected
happened.
The most ruthless one of them
betrayed the others,
and cast them from our world.
In Latin, they called her
"Mulier Daemonium Degnaie."
"Demon Woman of Fire."
My ancestor seized
the opportunity
to steal the source
of their power...
Necronomicon ExMortis.
A lot of good men and women gave
their lives to get that book.
Legend has it, one of us,
a sorceress named Kaya,
was seduced by the power
of the Necronomicon,
and tried to use it.
But her soul was taken,
and bound within the book.
Only the Prophesied One
can abolish the Dark Ones.
So my brothers and I are sworn
to remain vigilant.
To find, and protect him until
the foretold battle
against evil.
Right, evil's back. Got it.
Thanks for the scoop,
Poindexter.
Save the knee.
Yes, I'm very special,
message received.
Now look, if story time's over,
can we talk about something
that's really important?
Time to tear evil
a new one, jefe?
No. It's this whole "Dad" thing.
Here I am, kicking evil
in the nards,
and what do I get out of it?
A daughter that treats me
like dryer lint.
How was I supposed to know
that all that crazy sex
could lead to a kid?
Yeah, funny how that works.
You know what, let's just hope
he didn't leave anymore
little Brandys out there.
Jesus of Anaheim.
Hi Dad!
Meet the rest of your kids!
Hey, Dad.
I'll be in the car.
That demon girl did say
something about my seed.
Pablo, I have Brandy duty,
then I got to check
something out.
Can you open the store
solo this morning?
The store? Jefe, evil is back!
Ghost Beaters got to gear up!
What he said.
New guy, take a knee.
Now listen up.
Evil is not the boss of us.
We got to do that thing,
what's it called?
Like when you're
driving in a car,
putting on deodorant,
and trying to drink a beer
at the same time?
Reckless endangerment?
No, Kelly, keep up.
Multitasking, that's it.
We can do this.
We can whale on evil,
and provide Elk Grove
with top quality hardware,
at a reasonable price.
But... But not that reasonable!
I missed him.
So, umm...
I'm sorry about your mom.
Yeah, ol' Candy was a hell
of a gal back in the day.
She had a real
"can do" attitude.
You said you barely
remembered her.
Well, she just caught me
by surprise is all.
Hey, cute story.
On our wedding night,
we were going at it
in the back seat,
when all that Kentucky Glory
started to catch up on her.
But after she sicked up
on the front dash,
and I mean all over
the front dash,
she was ready for round two.
Let me tell you, not a lot
of ladies have that kind of...
Hey, hey.
Good shit.
Brandy... as your father,
it's probably wrong
for me to suggest
that you mislead the police.
Yeah, it probably is.
But involvement
in a double homicide
can turn into a platter
of shit burgers but quick,
so you might want to ixnay,
about the urdersmay.
Have a nice day at school!
Love you!
Help!
Hey, Brandy.
Hey... couldn't
believe it when I heard.
Police asked me
to reach out, but -
I know, I just saw them outside,
but I just can't face them yet.
They're going to ask me
questions about my mom,
and Rachel, and...
you're the only friend
I have left.
Well, you can always
come to me, Brandy.
Now... talk to me.
Tell me everything.
It was so horrible...
there was this...
this thing in the hall.
And then- and then Rachel...
I know it sounds crazy,
but it's like she turned
into some kind of monster.
Do you believe me?
I believe that
a lot of strange things
happen in this town.
My mom's gone.
And then I find out that
Ashy Slashy is my real father.
Really?
It's okay.
I've got you now.
Pablo?
Pablito?
Pablito?
You fucking with me?
Because I know you talk.
That's what I thought.
No.
Sh...
Pablo!
You are in grave danger.
Who sent you?
Your uncle.
The Brujo.
Only his magia can save you,
from the evil etched
into your skin.
Shit.
You rejected his world once.
You must not reject
tu destino again.
Okay, but what do I need to do?
Sorry, Dalton left
his beard trimmer in...
What?
Hey, you okay?
There was a naked lady,
right there.
Butbut that's normal
for this place.
Yeah.
Those marks on your arms.
That's Sumerian writing.
Yeah, and what?
You've been marked by evil.
Yeah, well, I already know that.
I should probably get to work,
and not fight evil right now.
What was that?
Those marks mean
your little buddy's soul
is in mortal danger.
It's not like he asked
for those Sumerian tats, okay?
They're battle scars,
and his soul won that battle.
But he's been touched by evil.
The legends warn about this.
Sooner or later,
he's gonna go demon.
And then he'll be out for blood.
It's not going
to happen, Dalton.
Okay, you got to trust me
on this one,
because this is Pablo
we're talking about.
He's like my little brother,
he's my best friend.
Kelly,
I know you don't
want to hear it,
but if I'm right,
this goes one of two ways.
He kills us...
or we kill him.
So, after this nightmare ended,
this man, your "father,"
he took you to his house?
Yeah, I guess I'm staying
there for now.
He's got me sleeping
in his sister's old room.
Cheryl? Yeah.
She died or something, right?
Or something.
Ash murdered her.
He shot her right in the face
with his shotgun.
His own sister.
Brandy...
now the last thing
I want to do is frighten you.
But your dad killed
a lot of people.
At this point, your safety
is my primary concern.
So, do you feel safe
with your father?
It's okay. We'll talk
again soon, okay?
Mr. Williams.
Hi. How's your father?
He's still dead.
Too bad. He was a good man.
Produced a lovely semen.
High sperm count.
Is that a fact?
Unfortunately,
we couldn't use it.
Syphilis.
Hey, Mr. Williams. Hi.
Booth three as usual?
Actually, Marci,
as my ethnically diverse
friend Pablo would say,
I need a "porfavor."
As you know, I've supported
clinics like this
for years, and years.
It'sit's been my life's work.
So, I was just curious.
Is there a way to find out,
if anybody's ever ponied up
for my particular man
well, we're not really supposed
to give out that information.
No, course not.
Yeah, I understand.
But come on,
we're talking about "me".
We're talking about
your old pal Ash.
We're talking about the hero,
of ElkfuckingGrove.
It really is against the law.
Now, that little sweetie,
is worth 20% off
on almost everything
in Ashy Slashy's.
You know sale items, liquor,
and perishables excluded,
of course.
What do you say?
30% would be better.
For you, the moon.
There you go.
Let me see what I can dig up.
Might take me a few minutes.
Course.
Yeah. Pow.
Hey, Marci? You know what?
What the hell, while I'm here,
might as well do my part?
Easy money.
Destroy his seed.
There must be no more progeny
of Ash Williams.
His seed must die.
Hey, what's going on out there?
You guys pay your electric bill?
Come on.
What was that?
My horoscope told me
some strange things
were going to happen today.
What the hell is going on?
Yeah.
Trying to take care
of some business in here.
Can you keep it down?
Mrs. Lam?
Hello gorgeous.
[ "Take On Me" by A.
Can you hear me?
Mrs. Lam?
Are you all right?
No.
What are you looking at,
asshole?
What do you think
I'm looking at?
Aw, not so hard,
are you now, Ash?
Your seed must die!
Ha!
Mrs. Lam?
Your seed must die!
Hey!
Ooh! Every...
last...
drop!
Objectifying motherfucker!
We're going to rip
your balls off, Ash!
I'm not finished yet!
That's what they all say, baby.
Yo, Pablo.
Hey, so...
My God.
Holy shit.
Man, dreams do come true.
Yeah...
some of them.
Come on, Pablo.
I had to get away.
I was forging my path and shit.
Plus, you know how Ash can be
when he's not fighting evil.
He... Smells like Bengay?
I was going to say, Yeah.
"He gets a little
hard to take," but...
totally.
Yo, what's with your boy Dalton,
scoping me out like
he's some sort of INS agent?
It's those tats, Pablo.
Dalton thinks that...
They're cool?
That it means this evil
shit is still inside you.
But you're feeling good, right?
I mean, nothing
weird or anything?
Yeah.
It's nothing more than usual.
I'm good.
Business is booming I see.
What the fuck happened to you?
That is a long, sad story,
involving some unsightly
bodily fluids.
One thing is clear...
evil's after my offspring.
The born, and the unborn.
Why? I wish I knew, Pablo.
But I'll tell you this.
From now on, protecting
Brandy is job one.
I may suck balls as a father,
but I will not let evil
take that away.
Brandy, I meant.
Or my balls. We got it.
My God!
Please!
Let me go!
Why would you want to leave?
You're about to be part
of an amazing metamorphosis.
A... what?
My little creature was born
out of the Book of the Dead.
He's destined to be
the next Prophesied One.
I... don't understand.
When the current
Prophesied One is killed
by his own flesh and blood,
his powers will move
to the next in line.
When I'm done with Ash Williams
and his daughter,
my baby will be
the last man standing.
He's hungry.
What is it you want from me?
A leg, a thigh.
He's not picky.