Ash vs Evil Dead (2015–2018): Season 2, Episode 8 - Ashy Slashy - full transcript

- Ah!
- You had the nightmare again?

- Who are you?
- I'm Dr. Peacock.

- Your psychiatrist, remember?
- I don't have a shrink.

I've been your doctor
ever since your psychotic break.

My What?

- (laughs, screams)
- Meet Ashy Slashy.

Let's rid ourselves of
the Necronomicon, Ash.

(screams)

- I didn't do this!
- You're a murderer.

- No! (grunts)
- Dr. Peacock: Think it's time

that we tried a new tactic.



Rid yourself of the book
and the nightmare will be over.

Kill the book, Ash.

- (laughing maniacelly)
- (electrodes zapping)

- Kill the book.
- (grunts)

I think I'm losing my mind.

Dr. Peacock/Baal:
You're mine now.

You know what you have to do,
don't you?

I must destroy the book.

Pablo's voice: Jefe?

(thunder rumbling)

Kelly: All right,
if we actually do find him,

no one can tell him it was
'cause of that stupid pet tracker.

- (beeping)
- He'll never let us forget it.

Come on, guys,
let's go save the world.



Can I get a Ghost Beaters!

(grunts)

(sighs)

Kelly: Well, good thing this place
isn't creepy at all.

(growls)

What is it?

Nothing.

I thought I saw something.

You Okay?

No, I'm not.

I got a really bad feeling
about this.

Really, 'cause I haven't
had a good feeling

- since we met Ash and his stupid book.
- That's exactly it.

The Book of the Dead
never lets anybody off easy.

It's like Ash said,
everyone around him gets...

dead.

And now I am the book,

and I can never be okay
with myself if something bad...

Hey, where'd
my powerful vagina go?

Huh?
(chuckles)

Pablo, it's going to be
a piece of cake, all right?

We'll find Ash,
you'll take out that goth demon.

- And then back to Jacksonville.
- Mm, maybe not Jacksonville.

But listen, you take care of this,

I'll even make sure
Ash gets the first round.

(scoffs)
Yeah, right.

We're going to be okay.

- Trust me.
- No, trust me.

We are not going to be okay
if we underestimate Baal.

All right? Let's go.

I did what you said.
He bought it.

All of it!

Now, please...

just let Lacey go.

Emery: I brought Linda and Lacey
here like you wanted, Baal.

Now, come on, you got to
keep your end of the deal.

But keeping my end of the deal
is so boring.

It's more fun to change things up
at the last minute.

Keeps everyone on their toes.

This is your fault, Thomas!

Emery: No, no, no.
He said he would protect us!

- All I had to do was get you here!
- No.

Looks like someone's sleeping
on the couch tonight.

- (thunder rumbling)
- (chuckles)

(laughter echoing)

Ruby:
I'll take this end.

- (creaking)
" (gasps)

Don't shoot.

It's me, Sheriff Emery.

You think knowing who you are
makes me want to shoot you any less?

Shh.

(whispers)
You shouldn't be here.

Kelly:
Tell us where Ash is.

NQW!

I didn't do it.
Any of it.

It was Baal.

He messed with my head.

Lacey: Daddy?

Is that you?

- Sweetheart?
- Pablo: Lacey?

- (gun cocks)
- Are you...

okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I mean...

I could be better...

if my father
didn't bring me here.

Because I have to say, dying...

(distorted)
totally sucks!

' No!
' (grunting)

Fuck!

Pablo!

(both grunting)

Now, honey, we can fix this!

(screaming)

Pablo, I can't get a shot!

- (Deadite Lacey laughing maniacally)
- Huh?!

(yells, grunts)

- Kelly: Get out of here!
- (yelling)

Watch out!

(shrieks)
Look, Daddy! A unicorn!

- (static crackling)
- Magic is real!

- Abracadabra.
- No!

- Shit!
- (shrieking)

Lacey!

- Are you okay?
- I'm good! Find Ash!

Pablo:
Ash? Ruby?

Ahh!

(clattering)

- Deadite Lacey: Daddy?
- Lacey.

(clattering continues)

- Daddy.
- Lacey?

What's happening to me?

I don't know.

- It's going to be okay.
- Promise?

Kelly:
Get out of the way, Sheriff.

Daddy, she wants to hurt me.

That's not your daughter
anymore, Sheriff.

She's still in there.

- I can save her.
- No, you can't.

I've been there.

Now I know that we've had
our differences,

but I need you to trust me
and get out of the way.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- (sighs)

Daddy... I love you.

I just want us
to be a family again.

Oh...

The only thing you sucked at
more than being the sheriff...

was being a father.

- (bones crack)
- No!

(music playing)

(shrieks) Oh, look!
He does have a backbone after all!

(laughing)
Tag! You're it!

(yelling)

Damn it!

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

- (gasping)
- Tag! You're dead!

- You're it.
- (shrieking)

- (thunder rumbling)
- (gunfire in distance)

(gasps)

I'm sorry, Lacey.

Sorry you got caught up
in this bullshit.

And I'm sorry that your father
was a self-serving son of a bitch.

You were a good kid.

I'm also sorry I'm now totally alone
in this creepy ass place.

'lay me.

Linda: Lacey?

- (laughing in distance)
- Where are you, baby?

Lacey?

Please answer me.

(laughing in distance)

Baby?
(grunts)

What...

Thomas?

(gasps)

(scraping continues)

(squeaking in distance)

Jefe?

(breathing heavily)

Oh, fuck.

(voice whispers)

- (gasps)
- Pablo.

Um...

I got a feeling whatever power
this pendant has

to hold back the book
isn't going to last.

I'm with you now.

(creaking)

(gun cocks)

Oh, this is Baal's work for sure.

He knows we're here.

We got to get to Ash before
Baal scrambles his peanut brain.

Shit.
(grunts)

What is it?

This is going to happen
whether we like it or not, isn't it?

Look, we're going to find Baal,
you're going to harness the power

of that book against him,
and none of this is going to be in vain.

And you promise me that we're all
going to live happily ever after?

Even if this goes perfectly,
there's a good chance you'll die.

Wow.

Ruby, I know you're new
to this whole mortal thing,

but in our world,
where people don't live forever,

the idea of dying really sucks.

Well, I was just trying
to be honest.

But all right, you go on thinking about
all the sweet things you're going to do,

if you survive or not,
I'll find a way out of here.

I do have this one idea
for a Honduran food truck

that also fixes electronics.

Pablito's Fish and Chips.

Like computer chips.

- You get it?
- No. That's awful.

What else you got?

Oh, good,
another pitch-black hallway.

(sighs)

Place is a maze.

(faint breathing)

(sighs)

- (indistinct whispering)
- Kelly: Ash?

He's not here... but he's here.

And he won't get out.

No matter what I do!

- Get it?
- Yeah, yeah, sure I do.

Hey, I'm looking for a friend.

He's, uh, tall, dumb,

smells like... bread.

Um, oh, yeah, chainsaw arm.

Probably should've led
with that one, but...

♪ Ashy Slashy,
heaven and hell ♪

Okay, so you know him.

I know I'm not Kelly.

No, I'm-- I'm Kelly.

Then Ash is looking for you.

Okay, good.
Where is he?

Maybe he's in his room
with his... friend.

All right,
now we're getting somewhere.

Where is his room?

(cackling)

Pablo:
Quick question.

What do you think Baal's been doing to
Ash this entire time he's been missing?

Oh, he wants to break him...
bend him to his will.

He wants Ash to destroy the book
and kill anyone who tries to stop...

But... I am the book.

(chainsaw buzzing)

Jefe...

' Run!
"Ah!

(thunder rumbling)

Okay, I've seen some seriously
disturbing stuff recently,

but you...

are adorable.

Hey, little Ash.

You know where Ash is, hmm?

- (Amanda screams)
' (gasps)

(Amanda cackling)

See you later, buddy.

(lock clicks)

Oh, come on!

Shit!

Ashy Slashy: Kelly...

(footsteps skittering)

No.

(whispers)
What the fuck?

- (faint whispering)
- Lacey?

Baby? Oh.

- (growling)
- It's Mommy.

Lacey?

Is that you, baby?

(screaming, cackling)

Ashy Slashy's got Kelly!
Won't be long now!

What? Wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

(panting)

I think we lost him.

I don't think so.

Is he...

Peeing?

- That's not pee, is it?
- Nope.

(chainsaw buzzing)

Jefe, listen,

this isn't you.

It's Baal.

He's controlling your mind,
all right?

You got to show him
you're stronger than that, Jefe.

Come on!
You can do it!

No, no, no.

No fucking way.

Ashy Slashy: Aww, don't sweat it,
sweet cheeks, you're safe with me.

- (footsteps skittering)
- Ah!

- Peek-a-boo!
- What the fuck?

- Wanna play?
- What? No.

Ah, why am I talking
to a Muppet?

(gasps)
Muppet?!

Uh, well, you're awfully
judgmental for a--

- Hey! For a what?
' (9395)

What were you going to say,
you little motherfuck?

Sack up.
What were you going to say?

Wow, check out
the potty-mouth on you.

You really are... filthy.

And fine.

Yeah, heard that one before, pervert.

Girl, you're the one with your hand
all up in my puppet pooper.

You want me to return the favor?

(both grunting)

Ah! Shit!

Wait! Wait!
I-l can tell you where Ash is!

- Where?
- (snarling)

- Got you!
- Fuck!

Whoa, whoa, oh!

(laughing maniacally)

Oh! Kinky.
Wish I had my fluffy cuffs.

(both yelling)

Oh... oh, yeah.

" (Snarls)
- (yells)

Uh, get... off!

_ (laughing maniacally)
- (yelling)

You filth-- fuck!

Don't be so pissed.

Some people pay good money
for this sort of thing, you know.

(yelling)

Somebody... likes it... rough!

Safe word, safe word!

(chuckling) I'm sorry
I'm going to have to kill you,

but I think
we've both learned a lot today.

- (Qaggiflg)
- Yeah.

Always bring a gun
to a puppet fight.

- (both panting)
- Ruby: Here!

Haven't we been
down this way before?

- Why would he lead us this way?
- Because it's a damned dead end.

(chainsaw buzzing)

Can't let Ash get you
before we find Baal.

- Get in.
- (grunts)

Kelly:
What the hell am I doing?

I'm just-just taking orders
from everyone else.

Oh, and look where that got me.

Locked in a room, talking to a...

dead, perverted puppet.

' (gasps)
' Kelly?

What-what are you doing here?

(groans)

(groans)
Damn!

What the fuck was that for?!

(groans)
I'm sorry.

I just had to make sure
you weren't Baal.

And that works?

Yes?

What are you doing here?

I'm with Pablo and Ruby.
We're looking for Ash.

- You?
- I'm looking for my family.

I found Thomas and--

Well, what was left of him...

I haven't found Lacey yet.

- Have you-- have you seen her?
- No.

Linda, come with me.

We finally have a way
to stop Baal.

And after that...

I'll help you find your daughter.

Okay-

(chainsaw buzzing)

(whispering)
He's at the dead end.

I'm going to pin him there,
you make a run for it.

(whispering)
What? No, I-l can't, no.

Pablo, you know
what has to be done.

You find Baal,
say the incantation, send him back.

I know what has to be done.

I just don't know
if I'm the one to do it.

You can do it.
You have to.

All those fish and chips
customers are depending on it.

I knew you cared.

You can keep pretending like you don't,
but each day you spend as a mortal,

you become
a little bit more human.

- It suits you.
- That's creepy talk.

Let's go.

- (chainsaw buzzing faintly)
- Wait.

(gasping)

- (chainsaw buzzing)
- (Pablo yelling)

Having a heart-to-heart?
(groans)

No, don't!

Pablo, you are our only hope.

I cannot let anything happen to you,
but it's over for Ash now.

No, it's not!

Ash would never give up on me,
and I'm not giving up on him, all right?

_ Asmg)

Ash, I know the real you is in there.

You're the guy who worked
at Value Stop with me,

and, uh, we used to watch
"Monday Night Raw" together.

Look, the point is
that we're a team, Jefe.

We're a team.

Ruby: Pablo, get back!

- (grunting)
- Got you!

Ruby: Pablo!

- (lock clicks)
- Pablo!

- Don't shoot me!
- Pablo...

(Pablo wailing)

She's dead, isn't she?

- What?
- Don't.

- Linda...
- Just...

tell me the truth.

- I'm sorry.
- (gasping, breathing heavily)

I know this moment.

After this,
nothing will be the same again.

You will never be the same again.

It can sink you lower
than you thought possible,

or it can ignite a fire
inside of you.

I know why you didn't tell me.

You didn't think
I could handle it.

You didn't think
I was strong enough.

That's the same mistake
people have been

making about me my entire life.

And it's the last mistake that
fucking demon is ever going to make.

You're damn right it is.

- (Pablo wailing)
- (both gasp)

- Pablo.
- Kelly.

- No! Linda, you guys got to go!
- What the hell happened to you?

Get out of here now! Go!

- Why?
- Because I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to kill all of you
and put an end to this nightmare.

- (whispers) Ash?
- That's not Ash.

- Baal is controlling his mind.
- Linda: Ash, no!

It's me, Linda.
You know I'm real.

You don't want to do this.

What I want is to
destroy my delusions.

Isn't that right, Dr. Peacock?

(thunder rumbling)

You motherfucker!
What did you do to him?!

- (bones crack)
- (Linda and Kelly yelling)

He can help you as much
as your husband can.

Such a weak mind.

Not like Ash, he took some real effort,
and it's finally paying off.

So tell me, Ash, you ready to destroy
your delusions for good?

Oh, no!
No, Ash, you-you can't do this!

We mean something to each other!

I know you feel that, too!

It's all in the past now,
and so are you!

- No!
- No, really, you're good, Ash!

(yells, grunts)

- (chainsaw turns off)
- (breathing heavily)

Baal:
Ash, what are you doing?

- Kill them!
- Sorry, Bill.

- You played right into my hand.
- What?

(Ash laughs)

See my friends here thought I couldn't
get you and the book in the same room.

Whoopsie,
looks like my plan worked.

Both: What?

What do you mean your "plan?"

No, you-you remember, don't you?
Back at the house.

That's a pet tracker.

All I got to do is find Baal once,
I shove this down his throat,

we get Pablo right up close,
he does his voodoo,

and, well, the rest
will just fall into place.

- (gunshot)
- That was it?

- That was your entire plan?
- Don't thank me yet.

We still got to send
this hairy ball sack back to hell.

Little buddy, do your magic.

(thunder rumbling)

(chanting in Sumerian)

- Ah!
_ (laughs)

- (gun clicks)
- Crab apples.

(chuckles)

(gasping)

Guess I'm not the only one
who underestimated you.

Apology accepted.

- (thunder rumbling)
- (exhales sharply)

Jefe, bring him to me.

(Baal grunting, snarling)

- (roaring)
- (chanting in Sumerian)

(yells)

(chanting continues)

- (Baal roaring)
- (all groan)

(wailing)

uaughs)

Well, shit fuzzy fire,
and save the matches,

you did it, Pablo!

There's not enough left of him
to spread on toast.

You slayed that shit, Pablo.

(flesh ripping)

(gasping)

(gasps)

(music playing)

(man vocalizing)

(woman vocalizing)

(man vocalizing)

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