Ash vs Evil Dead (2015–2018): Season 1, Episode 9 - Bound in Flesh - full transcript

( Pablo grunting )

There must be some spell
I can say to undo all this.

Eli:
You have to bury it deep

below the place
your journey began.

( Screaming )

- ( grunting )
- ( groaning )

Just keep on breathing, okay?

I've been wanting
to, uh, um...

get closer to you?

- Well, hey there.
- Hello.

Heather:
So, are you two together or--



No.
He's got a girlfriend, though.

- Aah!
- No!

Amanda.
What the hell happened?

Your hand--
it grew another you.

( Roars )

Looking for me?

Both:
Time...

to...

die.

- What the fuck...
- ls going on?

- ( Blows landing )
- ( Ash grunting)

Oh!

Son of a bitch!

( Gunfire continues )



Kelly:
Holy shit.

Two Ashes?

Easy, kids.
No need to jump the gun here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't shoot the wrong guy, dummies.

Oh, ho!
You buying this shiny turd?

This is the guy
who killed Fisher.

Come on, take him out.

I did not.

That guy killed Fisher.
Take him down.

Of course he's going to say that.
He's a murderer.

Pablo, amigo,
just kill the guy

and I'll get you a pinata
or whatever.

- Subtle racism.
- But not that subtle.

Hey, hey, hey.
I'm a racist, too.

Asian babies creep me out.

But unlike Mr. Imposter here,

I know stuff about your past.

Stuff that only you told me.

Pablo, until you were nine,

your best friend was a kitty cat.

Notorious C.A.T.

Anybody can figure that crap out.

Kelly, when you were
in junior high school,

you told me you busted
a stained glass window of a church.

By accident.

Then you punched
a nun in the face. Ha ha.

She was being so dramatic
about that stained glass.

And she hit me first.

Okay, look,
just shoot us both.

What?

Yeah, it's the only way.

That way, this asswipe is dead

and I don't have to deal
with this horseshit anymore.

( Chuckles )

Come on.

- All right.
- Oh. Oh, no. No, no.

(grunting )

( music playing )

Okay, how'd you know
it was really me?

Well, first off, you're racist,

but not against Asians.

Well, why would I be?

They give such
incredible massages

with those teeny hands.

Also, you tried to take
the easy way out.

Total Ash move.

What? Come on.

The only person you're willing

to lay down
and die for is you.

Well, that's because
I'm very important to me.

Yeah, we definitely shot
the right one.

I'm reconsidering.

Still...

I might have given
my life for her.

God, we would have made
such a handsome couple.

So, how did that happen?

Ash:
My asshole hand.

It came back,
grew another me.

Same shit, different day.

Things were going fine
with Amanda, too,

but that went south

all because of
that goddamned book.

No disrespect,

you were the one
who read from it.

No disrespect, Kelly,

if you live in the past,
you hurt the future.

Now, this book has
some freaky weird power.

The sooner it's six feet under,
the better.

First we got to deal
with these bodies.

We can't have hot and sexy
coming back to ruin our day.

And I say that
with all due respect to her.

Well, brains before beauty.

Brad:
Hello?

Pablo:
Aw, shit.

We got company.

Happy campers coming at you.

Hello?

Uh, hey.

What are you guys doing here?

Brad got us lost.

Brad:
It wasn't my fault.

The trees, they, uh--

you know, it's like the trail map
just stopped making sense.

Can we crash here, maybe?

( Chuckles )
In this tiny cabin?

No, no, no.
The three of us here,

we kind of fill it up to capacity.

Plus, there's
a few dead bodies in there.

Dead animal bodies.

Right, because maybe
we're veterinarians.

Really bad ones.

We specialize in
a very radical form of surgery.

Or we're just hunters.

I think the point is
there's no room at the inn,

so you guys might just
have to beat it. Sorry.

But maybe we could just camp
in the front yard?

Can you give us a second?

Okay, look,
there is no way in hell

they're going to stay here,

'cause they're
going to get possessed,

then they're going to be
on the night train to Killadelphia.

With stops in Chokelahoma City
and Die-ami.

- Nice.
- I thought you'd like that.

Oh, hey, sorry
to break up your moment,

but we can't just send them
back into the woods.

Who knows
what else is out there?

It's a hell of a lot safer
out there than here.

And you're just worried
about the little sister.

Brad:
...chainsaw...

Yeah, I am.

Her name's Heather
and she's super cute.

I don't know
much else about her.

That's all you have to know.

Okay, look, you two
are going to take them

the back way to Elk Rapids.

Man, what back way?

There's a trail right up
behind the cabin,

goes to civilization.

Then get your asses back here
because I need you.

In the meantime, some of us
have to slice and dice.

Good luck.

So, change of plans.

( Crickets chirping )

( eerie chanting
in foreign language )

( trees creaking )

It's cool of you guys to show us
the way out of here.

Oh, yeah, well,

anything to get out of a house
of dead animals, right?

( laughs )

Listen, I know you're not hunters

or veterinarians.

Not normal ones, anyway.

What are you guys up to?

What? Uh...

we're getting you
and your family to Elk Rapids.

Okay, fine, it's a secret.
You know what?

If you didn't have a girlfriend,
I'd find a way to get it out of you.

Whoa.
What do you mean, "girlfriend"?

Well, I heard you were
seeing someone.

From who?

From-- from her.

Is it serious?

I'm not sure.

( Ghostly roar)

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Chopping up my evil clone.

Maybe someday that'll feel weird.

( Music playing )

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ We can make it if we try ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ Building castles in the sky ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

( Music stops )

( faint rasping )

Maybe I should
mount this on the wall.

(thuds)

( rasping )

- Ash!
- Fuck me.

To bury me is a mistake.

No.

No, we are not having
this conversation.

You should use me.

No. I already did that dance.

Made my life a living hell.

Only because
you're trying to fight me.

Stop fighting.
Admit it!

You're not all good, either.

Be smart for once.
Use me.

No. You're taking a dirt nap.

Ash, if you bury me,
you stop being a Superman

and go back
to being a stock boy.

- No.
- Yes!

Nope. Not this guy.

I've got possibilities.

Book:
To do what?

Have a family?
Become president?

Get rich?

None of that's
ever going to happen.

I'm what makes you special.

Blah, blah, blah.

Play's over, Shakespeare.

Amanda, I'm sorry
for what I must do to you.

I promise I'll be a gentleman
and respect your modesty

while I cut you
into small pieces.

Well, maybe just one last
little peek at those--

Shit.

Amanda?

Brad: You know what?
I like the forest in the fog.

It kind of glows.

Yeah, day or night,

there's always something
beautiful out here,

even if it's hard
for some people to see it.

Hey, I voted
for Lake Havasu, okay?

So, Heather just told me
that I got a girlfriend?

That's weird.

Yeah.
She said you told her that.

- I did.
- Why?

I don't think
she's good enough for you.

What's wrong with her?

Come on, you know
how crazy girls can be.

Yeah. I'm learning.

Look, Pablo, I'm sorry, okay?

But it's not a good idea

to get involved
with someone right now.

What? Why?

Because life expectancy
is real short out here.

Brad:
Just enjoy the view.

And I don't want to
have to deal with that aftermath.

Neither should you.

That's not how I want to live.

- ( Whooshing )
- Oh, my God.

- Watch out. Stay back.
- What is it? What is it?

( Rustling )

( rasping )

( chittering )

It was just a...

- Raccoon.
- Eew.

Brad: Guys? Guys?
What the hell?

You know, it makes
for real good eating.

I've never heard that before.

Oh, yeah.

Makes a real robust
and savory stew.

We should keep moving.

Come on.

( Rustling )

Brad:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa!
Hang on! Hang on!

Let's look before we leap
this time, huh?

Get out of the way, Brad.

Excuse me, but my husband
works in forestry,

and I think you should
listen to him.

He needs to stand clear
of the trees, all right?

Why? So you can shoot
another innocent animal?

( Screaming )

( Brad continues screaming )

( screaming )

Hello, pussies!

Ash was supposed
to chop you up!

Guess he can't do anything right.

Brad:
No!

- Don't! Stop! Stop!
- ( Amanda laughing )

- Amanda: Ha ha! Ha ha!
-( hammers clicking )

- Ha ha!
- Holy shit! Shit!

( Moans )

( screaming )

Kelly:
Oh, my God!

- Pablo: Oh, shit.
- Oh, God.

- Aah!
' oh' my God!

- Put him down!
- Aah!

Aah! Shit!

Drop him!

Why? ls that what Ash
would want you to do?

- Heather: Oh, God.
- Hello! I'm Pablo.

I do whatever
Ash wants me to do.

Oh, oh! Hi, I'm Kelly!

I do whatever
Ash wants me to do, too.

Hello, Kelly.
Do you love me?

'Cause I love you.
Ha ha ha!

I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you!

- Ha ha!
- Shut up!

- Shut up!
- Aah!

Ha!

Ha ha!

- ( Amanda laughing )
-( Kelly screaming )

- Get it off!
- Aah!

Ha ha ha!
( sucks in breath )

You're next, hot stuff.

- ( Screams )
- Leave her alone!

( Panting )

( distant screams )

(grunting )

( panting )

( roars )

Ahh.

Mmm.

Before you die,
I want you to know

there is no heaven.

I'm going to peel the skin off
your pretty little face!

Get away from her!

( Squelches )

( growls )

Oh!

It's time your loyalty
to Ash got rewarded.

You!

Amanda.

Ruby.

Ash did this to me.

Don't trust her!
She's lying!

The truth.

The truth is...

we can still be together
if you want.

Well, I'd like that.

But our time has not yet come.

(whimpering )

( screaming )

( rustling )

Ow!
( sobs )

Did you really have to do that?

Amateurs.

Who the hell is that?

I-- my-- leg.

I...

I'm almost done.

This isn't real.
It can't be happening.

I wish you were right.

Ruby: Better tell Goldilocks
to shut her baby blues.

This fairy tale's
about to get real bloody.

Oh, jeez. Just stop it.
What are you doing?

Pablo:
It's okay. Listen.

- We got to chop 'em up...
-( Ruby whistling )

or else they could come back
as something much worse.

- ( Continues whistling )
- Nothing is worse than this.

Trust me.
Everything is worse than this.

Ruby:
Tough little bugger.

So who the hell are you
and what do you want with Ash?

I'm the one
who's going to stop him

turning more people
into monsters.

What the hell are you
talking about?

Ash doesn't turn anyone
into monsters.

- He fights them.
- ( Ruby laughs )

Yeah, he's the only one
standing in their way.

And me, too.

I stand in their way
all the time.

Oh, yeah,
he fights them, all right.

He's still got that book,
hasn't he?

The Necronomicon?

Because, you know, that--

that is at the root
of all this trouble.

Listen,
Amanda was my friend, too.

It doesn't matter
what Ash's intentions are.

As long as he's got that book...

a trail of dead bodies
is going to follow.

So take me to him.

( Thunder crashing )

Ash: Whoa!

Why the hell
are you on this property?

And where's the book
you stole from my family?

Easy, Nancy Drew.

The hell you guys doing?
Selling tickets?

She's a Knowby,
and she saved us from Fisher.

Well, not all of us.

Okay. All right.

Well, number one, it's my book.
Has been for 30 years.

Number two,
I'm on your damn property

because I'm here to save
a little something I call Earth.

You know what I've been doing
these past 30 years?

Cleaning up your messes
so they don't destroy

a giant thing
that everyone calls the Earth.

And what have you accomplished
in all these years?

You put a chainsaw
on your stump?

Congratulations.

You know, it's a lot harder
than it looks.

Name one other person
you know

that has a functioning
chainsaw arm.

Ruby:
This has to stop.

You've got the Necronomicon

and you need to give it to me.

- So where is it?
- None of your beeswax.

I will tell you this, though.

Pretty soon it's going to be
six feet under.

- Oh. you're going to bury it?
- Bet your bippy.

I found that out
during a drug-fueled trip.

So your entire plan
to save the world

comes courtesy of a bong hit?

No. I didn't smoke the drug, lady.
I drank the drug,

which gave my mind
a backstage pass to the reality show.

I'm going to bury it
in the basement,

then I can finally say to evil,

"Hey, evil,
why don't you eat my butt?"

Wonderful imagery.

But it won't work
if you just bury the book.

That's what my vision says.

Then your vision is stupid.

Yeah, you're right.
It is kind of stupid.

Almost as stupid
as your stupid face.

(grunts)

You say one more dumb thing...

I'm going to say
a lot of dumb things.

That didn't work.

Okay! Okay, kids!
Break it up.

All right, just everyone
take a deep breath, okay?

Look, if the book
is just buried like before,

then some other fool like you
can come along and use it.

For the Necronomicon
to be laid to rest,

it has to be dismantled.

- Destroyed.
- Impossible. Tried it.

With what? Your peashooter
and your power saw?

Don't talk bad
about Moe and Larry here.

They've served me
very well over the years.

Sure, they can kill the body
that evil inhabits,

but that spirit just
keeps coming back, doesn't it?

- Maybe.
- Yeah.

You see, the book and the evil
that surrounds it

really aren't affected by
such things.

No, you got to use...

- ...the Kandarian dagger.
- I know what that is.

Yeah, so why don't you
show me the book

and we'll finally end this?

I got to talk to my peeps.

All right, guys,
what do you think?

Okay, well,
she did save our lives,

and I think she smells
kind of nice.

Although I haven't showered
in a really long time,

so I'm probably
not the best judge.

Kelly:
I don't know.

I mean, if I've learned
anything from you, Ash,

it's that if something seems
too good to be true,

it probably is.

And also,
she doesn't smell that nice.

Man, making decisions
is so hard.

Let's look on the bright side.

We're balls deep in this shit.

There's nowhere to go but up.

Yeah, up shit's creek.

Without a paddle.

( Ghostly whispering )

Okay, you have to use
the Kandarian dagger

to deface the book.

Literally.
Rip the face off the binding.

And once you start,
you cannot stop,

no matter how difficult it gets.

Don't stop till
the face-lift is done.

Got it.

Okay, book,
this is going to hurt you

a lot more than
it's going to hurt me.

Ash!

- ( Thunder crashes )
- Yeah, I forgot to mention

this thing has become
quite the Chatty Cathy.

Not for long.

Ash!

No!

Please!

Sto...

(gurgling, coughing)

(gurgling continues)

( roars )

Oh, Jesus.

Whew.

( Thunder crashes )

Okay. Now what?

Now present the book to me.

Then the power
of ownership will be mine

and the ritual
will be complete.

Sounds simple enough.

What's wrong?

Uh, nothing.

Then Why'd you stop?

Well, I don't know.
It just--

should I say
good-bye to it or what?

With the book defaced,
time is of the essence.

Yeah, yeah, I got that.
But after all we've been through?

Ash...

you have carried this burden
for 30 years.

Isn't it time you let
someone else take the load?

Just let her take your load, jefe.

Just finish it.

Okay. Fine.

Sure. Yeah, take it.

Chorzem, kumaarizma,

uwarizim aratta...

( ghostly wheezing )

( thunder crashing )

Fa raga shi ta,

lucera gai suckra...

Ishtar dumuzi,

Akah Mannah!

( Chanting continues )

I don't think I like this.

Vara ashitar,

- bara anasa iktanar.
- ( thudding )

Whede sighonor haratar!

(whooshing )

( creaking )

( ghostly screams )

What's happening?

( Chanting continues )

( ghostly growling )

- ( Ruby continues chanting )
- ( book cover groans )

There's something fishy
with that book.

- ( Ruby continues chanting )
- ( growling )

( growls )

Sherbo livarnar!

- ( Growls )
- ( Screaming )

- Pablo!
- Aah!

- Oh!
- Pablo!

- ( Pablo screaming )
- Pablo!

Aah!

- Help me!
- Oh, my God!

- ( Ruby continues chanting )
- Oh, my God! Get it off him!

- Ruby, give me that book.
- Kan draw, ecru em, finitum!

You have no idea
what you're doing!

( Pablo screaming )

- Kelly: Ash!
- ( book groans )

- ( Heather screaming )
- Kelly: Do something!

- Heather: Help him!
- Kelly: Help me!

Of course I know what I'm doing.

I wrote this book.

Kelly:
Pablo!

♪ If they asked me ♪

♪ I could write a book ♪

♪ About the way you walk
and whisper ♪

♪ And look ♪

♪ I could write a preface ♪

♪ On how we met ♪

♪ So the world
would never forget... ♪

( Music continues )