Ash vs Evil Dead (2015–2018): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Killer of Killers - full transcript

Thanks to his drug-induced vision, Ash knows what to do with the Necronomicon. Pablo and Kelly notice something ominous. Ash promises to visit Lem, but Fisher shows up for an almighty showdown with her former boss.

Pablo, I hope your weird
brujo uncle can help us out.

( Chanting in Spanish )

Brujo: Here's where
you find what you seek.

What the hell
is this doing here?

You have to bury it deep, deep

below the place
where your journey began.

30 years ago, my friends and I
spent the night at a cabin.

We found a book.

It awoke something in the woods,
something evil.

His real hand.

This is coming along
so nicely.


Just take a hit.

( gun cocks )

Out, demon!

I command you!

( Screams )

Pablo: I think that Brujo's
trying to give me a sign

from wherever he is.

Where the hell is he?

Why don't you take
a loop around?

I'll check inside.

( Crows cawing )

( rustling )

( growling )

( whispering )

Hola, Santa Muerte.

En paz descanse.

( Door shuts )

( whispering )

( explosion )

( engine backfires )

Son of a bitch.

( Door creaking )

I've got you now, Ashley.

( Bleating )

Hey, little guy.

Have you seen
a one-handed asshole around here?

( Bleating )

Hola, perra.

( growling )


You double-crosser!

The others will never let you
get the book for yourself.

And neither will I.


( Theme music playing )


Where the fuck did it go?


♪ All my exes live in Texas ♪

♪ And Texas is the place ♪

♪ I'd dearly love to be... ♪

Damn, jefe, you hungry?

You're hurting those pancakes.

I know what I have to do.

Chew before you swallow.

No, back at the Brujo's,

when I was on
my fun little trip to Woodstock,

I saw some things

that made my next step
very clear.

All roads to destroying this evil

lead right back
to where it all began--

- the cabin.
- Oh, my God.


I guess deep down

I always knew
it would lead to this.

Then let's go back there
and end it all.

You know I'm down.

The last thing I want
every Deadite to see

- is this ugly mug.
- Yeah, I know,

but the thing is
you can't go with me.

- I'm sorry. What?
- No. This is the end of the road.

I've put your lives
in too much danger already.

And this cabin,
if you go here,

you would end up possessed,
and I would have to kill you both

and cut your heads off,

and that would just be bad
for everybody.

No. I want payback.

You don't get
to take that away from me.

Pablo: Yeah. We knew
what we were getting into

when we joined up with you.

Well, no, we didn't,
not even a little bit,

but we do now.

And you said you wanted us
to be with you.

Kelly: And if I die,
at least I went out swinging.

Ash, if I was a Deadite,

I would be honored
to have you chop my head off.

Ah, thanks, Pablo.
I appreciate that.

Okay. I'll think about it.

Man: Ash?


uh, how the hell are ya?

These your grandkids?

Still an asshole, I see.

- Always.
- Yeah, me, too.

Kelly, Pablo, this is Lem.

Good to meet you.

Hey, uh, you got a sec?


So, you still working
the Value Stop?

Maybe I could use
your, uh, employee discount

for some toilet paper and ammo?

No, I got off
that ol' merry-go-round.

And, Lem, I don't think
you should be waving guns around.

I'm off the sauce.

Clean and sober
almost nine days.

Wow, well, uh,
one foot in front of the other.

- Amen.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm really getting
my life together, you know?

Even joined the militia.
Hence the ammo.

Always be stockpiling--
that's our motto.

That's a dumb motto.

I joined after
they came up with it.

- Mm.
- Anyway,

you should stop by sometime.

We got some really cool toys
you could play with.

You know, I might just
take you up on that.

- Yeah.
- Where's your camp?

- Actually, I can't tell you that.
- Come on.

Show me the hand.

- Is that new?
- Long story.

- There.
- Gaylord.

- No.
- Really?

- No.
- Gladman.

I gotcha.
North of M-59?

All right, what's up, dude?

'Cause you're being
real weird to me today.

Nope, I'm having
an amazing day.


You know what, Pablo,

I know what you're going through
with your uncle,

and if you need
to take it out on me,

that's just fine.
I will take it if it helps.

Yeah, it's not that.

It's just...

when you were possessed,

you tried to fuck me
and then kill me.


Like-- like,
fuck you, fuck you?

Oh, yeah, you were, like,
in full-on bone mode,

like a praying mantis.

I mean, the killing part,
you know what, I get that.

You know, you were a demon,
you were possessed.

But the other part, I just...

I didn't know what to make of it.
It was confusing.

Shit. I'm sorry.

I mean, I really--

I just don't remember any of it.

So, was any of that
a part of you,

or was it all a demon?

( Groans )

You two funbags almost done?

- Yeah.
- Yep.

Okay, good.
Now, if-- and I mean "if"

I let you come with me
back to the cabin,

there's one place
I have to stop first.

Pablo, when we get there,

please remind me
to gas up the chainsaw.

Will do.
You know I got you.

- Whenever you're ready.
- Thank you, love.

Five-star service.

Ooh. Okay,
who's got the cash?

Uh, you said it was your treat.

No, no.
No, I ordered the fruit cup

'cause I thought we
were taking this check to splitsville.

When did I say this?

Uh, when we sat down
and then again

in the middle of the meal.

Yeah, you said,
and I quote,

"All right, you knuckleheads,
I got the grub this round."

( clicks tongue )

That doesn't sound familiar.
But, you know, okay.


Just go wait in the trailer, okay?
I'll pay up.

( Cell phone rings )

( police radio chatter)

- Amanda?
- I got him.

I finally fucking got him.

Right now I'm looking
at the license plate

for that missing trailer
from the park homicide.

That's the guy, trust me.

Amanda, what are you doing?
You're not on active duty.

But you are. You could
bring this guy in on your collar.

Run the DNA.

I know we'll find a hit
on everyone from the trailer park

- and the farmhouse, too.
- Where are you?

The Western Moose.
He's inside.

I'm on my way.
Don't do anything till I get there.

( Music playing )

All right. All right.
So just--

will you just tell me
how exactly did I try to do

all that to you?

You tried to seduce me
and get me to smoke weed

out of a shotgun.

What? Oh, shit.

- That is awesome.
- That is crazy.

That is awesome.


So, what,
did you turn me down?

I think so?

I blacked out.

Well, that sounds
like a good party.

No, but, hey,

like, whatever was inside me,

it just must've been preying
on howl really feel about you.

How do you feel about me?

I mean, you're just
so sweet and pure.

How could I ever look
at you that way?

And the demon
must've been twisting that

and making me seem insane.


That makes total sense.
Of course.

- Fuck that demon.
- ( chuckles )

Anyway, um, I'm just--
I'm really sorry, Pablo,

I put you in such
an awkward position.

I promise I won't
do that to you again.

- Do you hear that?
- What?

- Well, anyway, uh...
-( banging )

Okay, that time I heard it.

( Banging )

I think it's coming
from in there.

That's where Ash
keeps Necronomicon.

Well, it's got some serious beef
with my uncle's necklace.

( Banging continues )


- Push harder!
- Pushing!

We need to lock that shit up
right now.

( Country music playing )

So, do you need anything else,
or are you good?

Oh, I'm good.
The question is...

are you good?

Uh, I'm okay.

I have a friend of mine, Nancy.

He strings tennis rackets
for a living.

He is the best.
He can't do anything else.

But where do the world's tennis pros
go to get their rackets strung?

Him. Why?
'Cause he has a gift.

Fascinating piece of trivia.

- Nancy, I have a gift, too.
- Uh-huh.

I can make sweet, sweet love
to a woman like no other man.


After I lost this hand,
this hand became

"extra sensitive."

( chuckles )

I think you know what I mean.

The reason I bring this up, Nancy,

is I'm not gonna be able
to pay that check.

But I think I've got something
much more valuable I can give you.

Much more than $22.89.
Double that, at least.

- So, Nancy...
- ( sighs )

...would you like me
to string your racket?

My husband,
he's right there, the cook.

- See him?
- Yeah, gotcha.

We gotta keep this
on the down low.

Okay, tell you what--
act natural.

Meet me in the men's room
in three minutes.

But I gotta warn you

you're gonna wanna leave
your husband for me,

and I can't let that happen.

Family values.

Okay, toots, see you in three.

Fuck the book.
I wish we could destroy it.

Ash said we can't.
He tried, no dice.

Actually, he said
that he tried burning it,

but we could--
we could electrocute it.

We could freeze it,

or maybe even a pipe bomb.

No, Ash said we can't
'cause we need the book

to help with the Deadites.

But it doesn't help.
If anything,

it just keeps those things
coming back around.


is that what you want?


You told Ash
you wanted payback.

You wanna keep the book around

so more Deadites show up
for you to kill.


What? Why are you
looking at me like that?

Kelly, you need to be careful
of revenge.

My uncle, he always said,

"Pablito, beware anger,
fear revenge.

If once you start
down that path,

forever it will dominate
your destiny.

Consume you, it will."

Did you just Yoda quote me?

- Yeah.
- ( banging )

Don't worry. I'm sure
we'll be dead way before then.

( Sniffs, exhales sharply )

( Clicks )

Ooh. Cold.

Cold. Ooh.

( Clears throat )

( Splash )

I'd do me... all day long.

There you are, baby.
Right on time.

You know, they say waitresses
don't get big tips.

Well, that's about to change.

State police.
You're under arrest.

Oh, come on! You again!

Ah! Aah!
Lady, you just don't quit.

Not after what you did
to my partner.

Partner? I don't even know
what the hell you're talking about.

The one you murdered.

Murdered-- get outta town.
I'm not a killer.

- Oh, yes, you are.
- No, I kill killers.

Oh, easy on the strike zone there.

Or not.

- Oh...
- ls that lavender?

I've got you, motherfucker.

Like I said, you're under arrest,
for real this time.

Jesus Christ.

You missed your chance, darlin'.
This gal knows what it's all about.

Shut up and keep walking.

Fisher, I told you to wait.

He was leaving, I had to move.

- This guy's behind everything--
- Wow, there's an overstatement.

--The farmhouse, the trailer park,
another murder out in the woods

where this sicko
just burned a guy to death.

Say what?

Jesus, this is him.

Yeah. The trailer's outside.
I bet there's evidence all over it.

Okay, buddy, let's go.

RoboCop is full of baloney.

You know, she accosted me
in the little boys' room.

Said she wanted sex
with a genuine beef stud.

These are her words.
Look, you can't arrest me!

I'm the only one here
who knows how to...


( electricity crackling )

- Man on TV: Donovan...
- ( static hissing )

Fight what?


( screaming )

( screams )

I think we better dine and dash.


- ( Snarling )
- ( gunshots echo )



A new member
for my fan club.

You wanted service.

Here's your tip.

(yells )

I hear you.
( laughing )

Hey! Order up.

( Motor revving )

What, you never saw a guy
with a chainsaw hand before?

♪ Ain't no scheme,
there's a theme ♪

♪ Why is my head spinning
'round in my dreams? ♪

I'm taking you with me.

( Shotgun blast)

♪ Why are these lights
popping up in my face? ♪

♪ Or am I freakin' out? ♪

- I told you I kill killers.
- ♪ Freakin' out... ♪

I got this.

(yells )

- ( clicks )
- Oh, shit.

♪ There's a sign on the wall... ♪

( Both yelling )

( screeches )

♪ Coming faster
as we run through the park ♪

♪ Or am I freakin' out,
freakin' out, freakin' out? ♪

just howl like it.

- ♪ Freakin' out, freakin' out... ♪
- ( grinding )

Come on, don't die on me yet.

Not you.

( Music continues )

Yes, you wanna fuck
with me and my friends?

Come after my family,
you fuck?!

Oh, I'm just gettin' started.

I'm just warming
the fuck up! Fuck!


I think she needed that.

- Kelly: You just got '86'd.
- Yep.

( Kelly yells )

( panting )

Fuck, fuck.

( Beeping )

- Crosby, it's Lem.
- Crosby: Lem?

Man, you will not believe
what I just saw.

( Branch snaps )

- ( bird squawking )
- ( wings fluttering )

( bird squawks )

We need to arm up.

- Crosby: Lem?
- 'Cause the end is coming.

What happened, huh?
Lem! Lem!


( Screaming )

Well, good news. I found
a piece of pie with no blood on it.

Anybody want a bite?

- No.
- No, thank you. I'm good.

Hey, uh, do me a favor.
Take that. Give me a sec.


- How's your day goin'?
- Not great.

Welcome to my world.
You walk into a diner,

all you want is a pile of hotcakes.

What do you get?
A pile of corpses,

and everybody
wants to blame it on you.

Yeah, Jesus.

Police units are gonna
be here any minute.

You could
stick around for that...

or you could come with us.

- Where to?
- To fight.

We could use someone
with your physical qualities.

Uh, skills.

I would love to come...

with you.

Why don't we hit the men's room,
and you can string my racket?

I would be so totally into that.

Into what?

Into you coming with us
to fight Deadites. Right?

Let's boogie.

♪ The jig is up,
the news is out ♪

♪ They've finally found me ♪

♪ The renegade
who had it made ♪

♪ Retrieved for a bounty ♪

♪ Never more to go astray ♪

♪ This will be the end today ♪

♪ Of the wanted man ♪

♪ Oh, Mama,
I'm in fear for my life ♪

♪ From the long arm of the law ♪

♪ Hangman is comin' down
from the gallows ♪

♪ And I don't have very long ♪

♪ The jig is up,
the news is out ♪

♪ They've finally found me ♪

♪ The renegade
who had it made ♪

♪ Retrieved for a bounty ♪

♪ Never more to go astray ♪

♪ This will be the end today
of the wanted man ♪

♪ The wanted man ♪

♪ And I don't wanna go ♪

♪ Oh, no. I'