Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 5, Episode 9 - Episode #5.9 - full transcript
While waiting for Michael
to return from prison with Buster,
the Bluth family was recycling
a welcome home party.
Why do we have to have
a partyevery time someone in this family
- is released from prison?
- Tradition.
Some traditions get old.
Like that god-awful thing
you used to make me do
on your birthday.
Cook?
Plus, we have some business problems
to deal with.
Sally Sitwell
won the election and now,
for whatever reason,
supports building the wall.
We need to come up
with two million dollars
- or we're gonna make powerful enemies.
- Okay.
Right, shush.
Not in front of the grandkids.
I don't want them to know
about the shady business scams
- that go on in this family.
- We lied to investors,
so we have no product
and we're two million dollars in debt.
The next welcome home party's
gonna be for us.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
My name isn't on anything.
Why are you so riled up all of a sudden?
He was nervous
because after his girlfriend invested
in his non-existent business,
...everybody needs a bail-out...
The pressures of his lie only grew worse.
- ...a date with a sexy man.
- What? I thought
- I was taking you out tonight.
- Oh, relax, you're fine.
Know what? I've never been attracted
to handsome men.
Ah.
Fakeblock is gonna change the world.
Which reminds me, I'm dying to see it.
No, I know, it's... We've just been busy
with all our coding and all the goddamn...
...coding and, um...
also programming, so it's ju...
But as soon as it's up and running,
we'll... we'll get you over there and...
No. As a part-owner, I want to see it
while all the work is happening,
- and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
- Well, but,
- the coding, and...
- Well, problem solved.
Stick her with all of it.
Let her buy it.
She'll get all our liabilities,
and then anything
over two million, we get to keep.
I can't do that
to someone that I have feelings for.
So stop having feelings for her.
What?
Is that something you can do with people?
Yeah, once I learned
how to do it with my parents,
it was easy with everyone else.
It's like a heart switch, you know?
Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.
Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.
Can't you do that?
No, but in my defense,
I'm not a sociopath.
Click.
On the other side
of the room, however,
Gob still had a very uncomfortable
"heart on" for his friend Tony.
- Who had recently disappeared.
- He's alive. He got out.
It seems the Christian-y fellow...
Definitely got out, right?
...is now a gay man and,
by the looks of things,
- he'll be staying that way.
- Why wouldn't he come out?
Oh, who knows what makes a guy
think he can pass for straight?
I mean, if he really is gay,
he can try to hide it,
but trust me, it will come out
in the most unexpected balls.
Yeah, but the problem is
that now the world thinks
that I'm gay, and if I say it was a trick,
well, then the alliance
will have me by the balls.
Uh...
Excuse me, "balls"?
You realize you just said "balls"?
- But you said balls.
- Oh, well that's
three times I'm hearing balls now.
I put... You said balls, so...
Then I said balls...
Why don't you tell Rebel
she can't see the company?
Then she's gonna know
I'm not a tech entrepreneur
named George Maharis.
- And I'm the sociopath.
- Both of our hands
- were all over...
- What if I take her there,
but it's locked, and I can't wait
to eat this snow cone.
- Lovely party.
- Yeah, it is a great party.
What if I take her there,
but it's locked and we can't get in?
That's the sign of a healthy business.
It's closed in the middle of a Tuesday,
- and the owner's locked out.
- Of course,
these are paid protestors
that the magicians hired.
Not real protestors, but that's
kind of the norm now, isn't it?
What if she's afraid to go in?
'Cause there's angry protesters out front?
- Who would protest a tech company?
- Anonymous.
- What's that?
- You don't know Anonymous?
They're those hacker guys that
wear those Guy Fawkes masks?
Oh, shit.
That's who the note was from.
George Michael had
first seen the name Anonymous
when debuting his software...
Uh, I'd like to thank...
...which he thought was code
- from Rebel.
- Let's put up this wall.
- Have a good night.
- Having paid little attention
to the men in the Guy Fawkes masks.
- Men who continued to harass him.
- Okay, so,
for scenario number two. You found out...
We'll find you
and destroy Fakeblock.
You can hide
behind your mask like a coward,
but I will... Oh, well, that's
a bad example, obviously...
David,
you want Pop-Tarts for dinner?
Mom, don't say my name!
But Anonymous failed
to be specific enough
- to make an impression.
- I understand
you've ignored my cousin Kevin's...
- I mean, Anonymous' other warning...
- Hello.
They've been threatening me
for months.
Hey, that's perfect.
Those guys will ruin your life.
- Hey, where did you find those guys?
- They're paid protestors, boy!
Gay Gob's funny.
Uh, do you think they could be Anonymous?
Like Guy Fawkeses?
Guy Fawkeses?
Can you get me
guys like that?
You bet your balls I can get you
some Guy Fawkeses.
Don't hold your balls.
I would not hold my balls on that one.
- And finally, Michael returned...
- Where's Buster?
- ...without the guest of honor.
- Don't you have him?
No. I went to the jail to pick him up,
and no one there has seen him
since the parade.
Now, you did let him know
he was being released, right?
Well, I'm sure they told him
at the jail after the parade.
Mother Bluth,
I think you might be interested in this.
Oh, speaking of maniacs,
let's watch this again.
That's a real criminal
inside that makeshift jail cell.
- It's a jailbreak.
- You know, it's my...
Is that Oscar?
Well, it's not you!
Who even told Oscar Buster was in jail?
Oscar was told by Barry,
who had driven down to Mexico
- and thought he was talking to George.
- You are here!
I came down here to warn you
that the cops want you
to lead them to the stair car,
because that's the evidence
that's gonna keep Buster in jail.
Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.
And so, Oscar used the parade
as cover
for breaking Buster out of prison,
knocking Stan Sitwell out
in the process.
Dad? Dad!
So they escaped
from prison a half hour
before he was gonna be
legally released?
- No one told him.
- He's got a lot of spunk.
I like that on a guy.
If Oscar is with Buster,
then where is Lucille 2?
I mean, she could be dead,
and Buster will be charged with murder.
Or worse, she could come back,
and they would charge us
with embezzlement.
Okay. Buster thinks
he's broken out of prison.
God knows what he's gonna do.
Well, somebody has to find him.
You're the cause of it,
and he does respond
- to your scent.
- I'll go with you,
and we will find our son together,
and perhaps we will find each other
along the way.
Why don't you find some money
along the way
to make up for the land you lost
in Mexico?
Father, Mother, please.
Our whole family is in crisis.
For I have seen what happens
when families turn on each other.
Just as I found my son, I lost him.
And just as I lost my wife,
I... I found my replacement wife,
but then I... I lost her.
I... I have nobody.
Well, you got me, Dad.
Not now, Maeby.
I have... what? Like, one person.
Click.
Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything,
and the one son who had no choice
but to keep them all together.
It's Arrested Development.
George Sr. had again been rejected
by his wife.
And, feeling low, he decided
to get his affairs in order.
...you're trying to keep your distance
from the company,
and I appreciate that,
but you are the copresident with Gob.
Well, hang on. President?
When did I become president?
Well, I mean, Sudden Valley.
I mean, that's yours.
- I mean, we're carrying that for you.
- You forgave the debt.
We forgot the debt.
Basically, what we did
was we absorbed everything, including you.
And does Gob know
that we're copresidents?
Gob doesn't know
that there's a B
- in the word "debt."
- If you're gonna run the Bluth Company,
that word's gonna come up.
Go into the company,
you look at the books,
you get in there, you find out
if there's any money.
I need an evaluation.
Yeah, that's an understatement.
All right.
You know I'd really like to be involved,
but I can't risk being involved
in anything
- that might be illegal.
- Agreed.
- That's what Gob is for.
- Boy, I was really hoping
you were gonna say
there's nothing illegal.
It's the last thing
you'll ever need to do for me.
- You heard a yes?
- Thank you.
- Meanwhile, Tobias...
- Kudos on being so quiet.
...checked in with the family
who hadn't abandoned him,
but were hiding in the attic.
I've got slices of stale gummy bear,
hard candies and a spare rib.
- Ooh, I'll take that spare rib.
- Could I have the spare rib?
Just joshing. It's stale gummy bear.
Oh...
Sounded like you were having fun
down there.
Oh.
It takes a lot out of me,
but they like to look at me
as the sticky white glue
that holds the family together.
But now... you're my family.
My biological son
and my pathological girlfriend.
And as the provider of this family,
I promise...
nay, vow that you will always have
a roof over... Ow!
- Dad, are you okay?
- Roof balls! Jesus, quiet.
- You're gonna get us kicked out.
- Sorry.
Okay, I just think we're all
a little stressed right now,
being stuck in this attic.
Are you sure we can't just live
downstairs in the real house?
Oh, this isn't a real house.
This is a model house.
How long
do we have to stay here?
Just until I can support us
on my actor salary.
- Oh...
- Quiet.
You can be excited, but quietly.
Oh, no...
Meanwhile, Oscar,
who was on the run with his son,
knew that he had to get rid
of a vehicle that approximated
the very one the police were looking for.
Well, I know I left
my truck somewhere around here.
All right, I guess we should get out.
I probably shouldn't
have chained us together.
No, no,
I should've brought a key,
but actually, I think it helps sell
the whole Keystone Cop thing,
because it had
to be something crazy.
Because, you know,
in silent movies, it's not real life.
- No.
- All right. So what do you think? Ready?
- Mm-hmm, okay. let's go.
- All right. Here we go.
Oh.
I guess stuffdoes happen like this
in real life.
- Can you... Easy peasy.
- Go out your side.
Easy peasy.
Well, that wasn't so difficult.
- No.
- Or funny.
Keystone Cops would've made a meal
out of this.
- Yeah.
- Okay, all right. Watch your hand.
Watching.
Are you okay?
Wait a minute. It's a fake hand.
How can it hurt?
No, it's a rental from prison,
and Mother said my next hand...
- All right.
- ...is gonna be out of my own pocket...
Okay, wait. What's that over there?
It says Mother of God hospital.
Maybe we can get you a replacement.
But first, we gotta get
out of these prison clothes.
- All right.
- Okay.
Here's the deal.
We need a walking system
- so we don't just trip over each other.
- Yeah.
- Left, right. Left, right.
- Okay.
So we always start with left.
Smooth and easy.
Lemon squeezy. And...
...left...
It wasn't a good system.
But Oscar wasn't the only twin
that was down,
because as Michael headed out
to keep the company alive...
he realized he'd need to do
the same for its founder.
What are you doing with the hose?
Wha... No, I didn't know it was on.
I mean,
I would never purposefully run a car
with the garage door closed
with the family in crisis.
Okay. You know, Dad,
this is an electric car.
Oh.
So, the only thing
you're killing is my battery.
Is that funny? I... Oh, God,
I can't get anything right.
Meanwhile, your mother is banging
every beach rat
that ever dropped out of a race.
- George was referring to this man...
- Oh, hi.
Care to join me for a glass
of breakfast wine?
...with whom Lucille found
she had much in common.
Dusty!
I mean, she wouldn't go out
with me this afternoon,
- and I know it's because of him.
- Dad,
I think you might be giving up,
uh, a little too easy.
You know? I mean, Mom loves you.
She's just mad at you. You cheated on her.
Or Uncle Oscar did, I don't know.
I lost the thread
on that one,
but she's probably just trying
to make you jealous, and so...
You're the head of the family,
- give her something that she wants.
- Wha...
Are you saying that
I should go find Buster?
Show her you're a good dad.
You know,
besides, he's gonna need
to be found and told
he's free before he does something illegal
and ends up back in prison.
- Ah. Maybe Lucille will...
- You know? -Uh-huh.
I don't know, let me back in.
Boy, you have to have
balls of steel
to survive in a hole like that.
And the same could be said for prison.
And soon,
Michael was going over the books
in what Gob had turned
into the conference room.
"Joni Beard, Media Consultant."
20K? What's that?
K means thousand.
Can you believe Adhir
just expected me to know that?
I must've told him K times,
"You gotta help me with these things."
I used to train dogs, so I'm very patient.
And $10,000 for a printer?
- 10K.
- Good Gob. Good K.
Yeah.
And to be fair, it's a...
It was a 3-D printer.
Why do we need a 3-D printer?
Well, to be fair,
it's a 3-D dental printer.
But they're worth twice what I got them
to leave them here for.
They must've been too slow for them,
but I thought, what do we care
if it takes two and a half hours
to print some molars?
Can you just get me a copy of the receipt?
Hey, you want to spend a couple
hundred bucks on a 3-D receipt,
I'll have it printed
and in your mouth before sunset.
These are your purchases.
- Where are you getting your capital?
- Capital money.
Thank you.
I have all the books here.
Coming through.
Including the ones Gob can't look at.
Do you want the Austero-Bluth
or just the Bluth books?
Well, I can only look at the Bluth books.
The Austero books are
for British eyes only, as they say.
♪ For British eyes only ♪
Okay. Uh, well, as copresident,
- I can look at the books that he can't.
- All right.
I'm sorry I don't understand what...
No, I ju...
Michael, if, look,
I'm the copresident, okay?
There's only room at this company
for one copresident.
What's next? You're gonna want
one of my parking spaces, Michael?
I didn't know
that I was copresident myself.
All right? I'm just here to help.
I'm not going to trump you.
Oh, well, Michael, don't worry,
'cause I already went there.
♪ Balls in the air... ♪
Saturday and Sunday semester.
Best 17K Mom and Dad ever spent.
Anyway, I don't know why I'm not allowed
to look at the Austero books, but, uh,
Mom does allow me to make
purchases from that account.
Let me get this straight.
You're only allowed to spend money
from the Austero account.
Why are all the revenue
from these investments only showing up
in the Bluth books?
Would you be terribly offended
if I offered you a candy?
- I don't think Dad wanted me to see this.
- I don't, either.
And your mother has my passport,
so why don't we say that I was never here?
An absolute professional
pleasure to have met you.
You know, I think that they had a plan
that they were sure would work,
but now they need to get out,
and that's why he wants
an evaluation of all the assets.
- Good to see you.
- You're doing great.
Yeah, he wants to find out
what he can sell off.
And you know, since you're copresident,
your name's all over this.
That means that whatever trouble
Dad is responsible for,
you are also responsible for.
So you're telling me
that Dad thinks I'm responsible.
Maybe it's time to show them
you are responsible.
Yeah.
That you're not looking for some reward
for doing the right thing.
- Or any reward.
- Good Gob.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
They think I'm too stupid to...
Help yourself.
Yeah. You know what's funny?
They think that I'm too stup...
- I already had one in there, so...
- We got to face facts.
They're stuck.
These stick. They're stickers...
Knowing what we know, we are complicit,
which leaves us open to... to liability.
You know, the easy choice
would be to quit.
- There it is.
- We've got an opportunity
to save the company.
That would not be easy.
That... that would take sacrifice.
Maybe even burning the...
well, midweek oil.
I quit.
I shouldn't have called it
the easy choice.
And Oscar and Buster found their way
to the hospital, having improved
upon their left-right walking system.
Outside, inside,
outside, inside...
Now, we cannot draw attention
to ourselves.
- I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand.
- Right.
And I'm... I'm just a guy
who's wearing a blue hat.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see.
Hey!
But soon,
they found the prosthetics lab.
Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop.
No way.
I think I saw William Shatner
wearing this
- while riding a bicycle once.
- Yeah.
Why don't you try this one? This one.
- This one?
- Yeah.
- I think this is used for teaching.
- Doesn't matter. Who cares?
It sort of reminds me
of Mother's hand,
except it's less veiny, and warmer.
All right. All right, you ready?
Meanwhile, Gob was preparing
to walk out of a job
he'd put over eight hours
of his life into.
This is just as tough for you
as it is for me.
Tougher, maybe.
Man without a king.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna miss this view.
Rite Aid roof as far as you can see.
Okay, yes, well, anyway,
why don't we go over some expenses?
Yes, yes, thank you
for reminding me. I, um...
...I told some paid protesters
that we use that, um, they could bill us.
You know,
it's for my nephew. Um...
They're gonna be buying
some masks as well, so...
They're Guy Fawkeses.
So those are personal expenses.
No, I just told you,
they're for my nephew. D...
Got it. I'll let Michael know
they're non-business related.
Don't worry about Michael.
He should've thought of that
before he fired me.
Probably for being gay, too.
You do know
that Michael didn't fire you, you quit.
As any proud gay man would do
in the face of such bigotry.
But I guess I don't need to tell that
to a little Indian guy, huh?
Michael's not your friend either.
You should've seen
the look on his face
when I do my impression
of you. You know...
What's the problem with Apu?
Just one more thing
before I have security drag you out.
Why are you claiming that
the closet conversion company
was a religious write-off?
Because I went there to become straight.
I thought it was one
of those Christian places
that converts gay men and is, uh...
Now the sole province
of extreme fundamentalist
Christian derangement.
Oh, you're just mad
'cause you can't have a hamburger.
But, yes.
Those places don't work.
There's no such thing as a program
that can change someone.
It's a way for hypocrites
to try to convince the world
- that they're now straight.
- Without using magic.
So I just tell the world that I'm gay,
and that I'm going to one of those?
And then I come out straight.
Mm, well, if you really do identify
as a gay man,
I would say going to a place like that
will only make you miserable.
So, shall I arrange an Uber for you?
I didn't understand a word
you just said, little guy.
But George Michael, meanwhile,
was worried that his uncle had failed
to set up the protesters.
You know Betty White
has this same car?
- You know Betty White?
- We share a weed dealer.
We are Anonymous.
Oh, shoot, not again.
My tech guys think
that I've been hacked by Anonymous.
I don't mean the alkies,
I mean the, uh,
the guys who wear the creepy masks,
hang out online.
The Guy Fawkeses.
Really? That sounded like you.
Think so?
God, they can even do that now.
Well, all the more reason
to not get you mixed up in all this.
You know, online hacking I can deal with,
it's just the day that they show up
in person that I'm dreading.
But you can't live in fear, so...
let's go.
Whatever happens, happens.
But two other Bluths were living
in fear,
and perhaps that's why
they soon found themselves entangled
with an old friend...
Oh, that hurt.
...whom they soon recognized.
I'm sorry, sir. Are you... Stan Sitwell?
Who was immediately fearful.
Oh, my God, George Bluth.
- Shh. I'm not George Bluth.
- Act like we're strangers.
- Yeah.
- Please don't hurt me.
I don't want any trouble.
I'm getting out of here today.
Oh, I know how you feel.
I broke out of prison today.
Hey, uh, Stan?
Could we stay at your place?
You're taking me as a hostage
in case the cops see us?
Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that.
- We can pretend we're cousins.
- Cousins?
Yes.
Yeah, Cousin Stan, let's walk, okay?
Inside, outside,
inside, outside...
Right behind you, cousin-father.
And George Michael
arrived at Fakeblock,
ready to act afraid of the Guy Fawkeses.
- When do we want it?
- Stop tracking us!
- Make a chain!
- This is all on me.
- We're still protesting!
- Oh.
You hired a bunch
of foxy guys to protest me
because I said I hated hot guys.
"Rebel." "Unfair."
- I was reading that as rebel.
- Oh, my God,
- it's Rebel Alley. We love you.
- Oh.
Yes, I went as you
for Halloween last year.
- Can we get a picture?
- Do you mind?
Dangerous Cousins
is my favorite movie.
- Mine t...
- I will.
I want to see everything else
you've got inside. Come on.
Might not be anybody in there.
They wouldn't have crossed
the picket lines.
Oh, well, you never know with nerds.
Come on.
If you want to see a big
empty room, we'll take a look,
but uh, just... I just know my guys.
But George Michael
was in for another surprise.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Fakeblock is so impressive.
- Yeah.
- I mean, Fakeblock's incredible.
- Fakeblock is...
- Yeah, Fakeblock is real.
It's my place.
And back at the cottage,
Lucille was in
for a surprise as well.
Lucille, my lady, my love.
Do you remember our first date,
at that little Italian restaurant?
Do you remember what I said to you?
"How did I ever find you?"
♪ How did I ever find you? ♪
You took me for Chinese.
The Italian place was the first time
I caught you with your secretary,
and you asked,
"How did you ever find me?"
♪ How did you ever find me? ♪
That's it. All right. Get out.
Go back to the Macaroni Grill.
I, uh, also brought you some leftovers.
I'm busy, George. What do you want?
I want you, Lucille.
In what way, George?
Sexually?
Yes.
Sexual-ish-ly.
Look, here's the deal.
- I can't... get hard. I...
- Live without me.
It's really getting hard,
uh, to live without you.
We really need each other right now,
because Buster
is on the lam. His first prison break.
I remember when he just started talking.
He better not have started talking.
No, I meant originally.
Like, when he was three.
- Five.
- Five.
He didn't say a word
until we fired the wet nurse.
He didn't stop talking
about that for three years.
- Until we caved.
- You see, this is the stuff.
That makes life worth living?
I was actually gonna say
that we should keep from the DA,
but can you tell me
why life is worth living again?
See, that's just it.
- I'm trying to have some kind of a life.
- Mm.
With Dustin Radler, the beach rat.
What's the deal?
You in love with this guy?
We're having fun, George.
Because he's fun.
He loves music, he plays me songs
on the guitar.
You know, hey,
I just brought the assistant manager
of the Macaroni Grill
over here during his lunch shift.
It set me back a sawbuck.
It's a third of what you are giving me
to live off these days.
Yeah, that's another thing
Dusty doesn't complain about,
his allowance.
You give him an allowance?
He doesn't get one. He's very wealthy.
He made a lot of money
in his law career.
And he's fun. He surfs.
He does things. He's alive, George.
I'm alive.
Only because Michael drives
an electric car.
Trust me, the whole
"trying to kill yourself" thing, turn off.
I think I need to show you
that I am a fun guy who likes to laugh
and is open to not killing himself.
I don't call it that,
I call it "a cry for help,"
but I think help has just arrived
and it's saying,
- "Cry for fun!"
- Don't cry at all.
Don't cry. Don't die.
And have some fun.
Wow, thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go to the beach now.
I'm gonna have a ball!
I don't know what's going on,
but I feel like a 55-year-old.
Well, so do I.
And he's showing up to take me
out for dinner later,
so I need to get ready.
Okay. Well... don't cry.
Don't die. And have some fun.
Hurt people, hurt people.
On the next
Arrested Development...
George Sr., hoping his wife is watching,
- goes to the beach to have fun.
- Hello. I would like an hour
on the funnest thing you have.
We got a tandem bike.
Unless you're alone,
then it's the saddest thing.
Uh, second-funnest thing you have.
We got the ball.
And soon,
finds himself having a ball.
Don't cry, don't die.
Don't cry, don't die.
Help me.
Don't die!
Don't cry, don't die.
It sounds like he said,
"Don't help me."
- I heard, "Help me die."
- Excuse me!
Either way,
it looks like he's having fun.
- I'm gonna die.
- No maritime law against that.
Dolphins!
Oh! Hey, we got dolphins.
Let's hit it. Yes!
Die! Was that a boat?
And Gob goes on
a religious program...
Anyway, that's why I came here.
I'm ready to convert.
...to be
religiously deprogrammed.
- Oh.
- Our church runs a program
that sees confused men
- through a very difficult time.
- Perfect.
Sign me up for that.
This isn't one
of those places where, like,
they get you to quit smoking
by making you smoke
tons of cigarettes
until you're like, "Oh, no,
no more, no more..."
You know what I mean?
- I don't want you to think I'm a whore.
- No.
No one would suggest that. Um,
- shall we get on our knees?
- Oh, are we starting?
to return from prison with Buster,
the Bluth family was recycling
a welcome home party.
Why do we have to have
a partyevery time someone in this family
- is released from prison?
- Tradition.
Some traditions get old.
Like that god-awful thing
you used to make me do
on your birthday.
Cook?
Plus, we have some business problems
to deal with.
Sally Sitwell
won the election and now,
for whatever reason,
supports building the wall.
We need to come up
with two million dollars
- or we're gonna make powerful enemies.
- Okay.
Right, shush.
Not in front of the grandkids.
I don't want them to know
about the shady business scams
- that go on in this family.
- We lied to investors,
so we have no product
and we're two million dollars in debt.
The next welcome home party's
gonna be for us.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
My name isn't on anything.
Why are you so riled up all of a sudden?
He was nervous
because after his girlfriend invested
in his non-existent business,
...everybody needs a bail-out...
The pressures of his lie only grew worse.
- ...a date with a sexy man.
- What? I thought
- I was taking you out tonight.
- Oh, relax, you're fine.
Know what? I've never been attracted
to handsome men.
Ah.
Fakeblock is gonna change the world.
Which reminds me, I'm dying to see it.
No, I know, it's... We've just been busy
with all our coding and all the goddamn...
...coding and, um...
also programming, so it's ju...
But as soon as it's up and running,
we'll... we'll get you over there and...
No. As a part-owner, I want to see it
while all the work is happening,
- and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
- Well, but,
- the coding, and...
- Well, problem solved.
Stick her with all of it.
Let her buy it.
She'll get all our liabilities,
and then anything
over two million, we get to keep.
I can't do that
to someone that I have feelings for.
So stop having feelings for her.
What?
Is that something you can do with people?
Yeah, once I learned
how to do it with my parents,
it was easy with everyone else.
It's like a heart switch, you know?
Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.
Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.
Can't you do that?
No, but in my defense,
I'm not a sociopath.
Click.
On the other side
of the room, however,
Gob still had a very uncomfortable
"heart on" for his friend Tony.
- Who had recently disappeared.
- He's alive. He got out.
It seems the Christian-y fellow...
Definitely got out, right?
...is now a gay man and,
by the looks of things,
- he'll be staying that way.
- Why wouldn't he come out?
Oh, who knows what makes a guy
think he can pass for straight?
I mean, if he really is gay,
he can try to hide it,
but trust me, it will come out
in the most unexpected balls.
Yeah, but the problem is
that now the world thinks
that I'm gay, and if I say it was a trick,
well, then the alliance
will have me by the balls.
Uh...
Excuse me, "balls"?
You realize you just said "balls"?
- But you said balls.
- Oh, well that's
three times I'm hearing balls now.
I put... You said balls, so...
Then I said balls...
Why don't you tell Rebel
she can't see the company?
Then she's gonna know
I'm not a tech entrepreneur
named George Maharis.
- And I'm the sociopath.
- Both of our hands
- were all over...
- What if I take her there,
but it's locked, and I can't wait
to eat this snow cone.
- Lovely party.
- Yeah, it is a great party.
What if I take her there,
but it's locked and we can't get in?
That's the sign of a healthy business.
It's closed in the middle of a Tuesday,
- and the owner's locked out.
- Of course,
these are paid protestors
that the magicians hired.
Not real protestors, but that's
kind of the norm now, isn't it?
What if she's afraid to go in?
'Cause there's angry protesters out front?
- Who would protest a tech company?
- Anonymous.
- What's that?
- You don't know Anonymous?
They're those hacker guys that
wear those Guy Fawkes masks?
Oh, shit.
That's who the note was from.
George Michael had
first seen the name Anonymous
when debuting his software...
Uh, I'd like to thank...
...which he thought was code
- from Rebel.
- Let's put up this wall.
- Have a good night.
- Having paid little attention
to the men in the Guy Fawkes masks.
- Men who continued to harass him.
- Okay, so,
for scenario number two. You found out...
We'll find you
and destroy Fakeblock.
You can hide
behind your mask like a coward,
but I will... Oh, well, that's
a bad example, obviously...
David,
you want Pop-Tarts for dinner?
Mom, don't say my name!
But Anonymous failed
to be specific enough
- to make an impression.
- I understand
you've ignored my cousin Kevin's...
- I mean, Anonymous' other warning...
- Hello.
They've been threatening me
for months.
Hey, that's perfect.
Those guys will ruin your life.
- Hey, where did you find those guys?
- They're paid protestors, boy!
Gay Gob's funny.
Uh, do you think they could be Anonymous?
Like Guy Fawkeses?
Guy Fawkeses?
Can you get me
guys like that?
You bet your balls I can get you
some Guy Fawkeses.
Don't hold your balls.
I would not hold my balls on that one.
- And finally, Michael returned...
- Where's Buster?
- ...without the guest of honor.
- Don't you have him?
No. I went to the jail to pick him up,
and no one there has seen him
since the parade.
Now, you did let him know
he was being released, right?
Well, I'm sure they told him
at the jail after the parade.
Mother Bluth,
I think you might be interested in this.
Oh, speaking of maniacs,
let's watch this again.
That's a real criminal
inside that makeshift jail cell.
- It's a jailbreak.
- You know, it's my...
Is that Oscar?
Well, it's not you!
Who even told Oscar Buster was in jail?
Oscar was told by Barry,
who had driven down to Mexico
- and thought he was talking to George.
- You are here!
I came down here to warn you
that the cops want you
to lead them to the stair car,
because that's the evidence
that's gonna keep Buster in jail.
Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.
And so, Oscar used the parade
as cover
for breaking Buster out of prison,
knocking Stan Sitwell out
in the process.
Dad? Dad!
So they escaped
from prison a half hour
before he was gonna be
legally released?
- No one told him.
- He's got a lot of spunk.
I like that on a guy.
If Oscar is with Buster,
then where is Lucille 2?
I mean, she could be dead,
and Buster will be charged with murder.
Or worse, she could come back,
and they would charge us
with embezzlement.
Okay. Buster thinks
he's broken out of prison.
God knows what he's gonna do.
Well, somebody has to find him.
You're the cause of it,
and he does respond
- to your scent.
- I'll go with you,
and we will find our son together,
and perhaps we will find each other
along the way.
Why don't you find some money
along the way
to make up for the land you lost
in Mexico?
Father, Mother, please.
Our whole family is in crisis.
For I have seen what happens
when families turn on each other.
Just as I found my son, I lost him.
And just as I lost my wife,
I... I found my replacement wife,
but then I... I lost her.
I... I have nobody.
Well, you got me, Dad.
Not now, Maeby.
I have... what? Like, one person.
Click.
Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything,
and the one son who had no choice
but to keep them all together.
It's Arrested Development.
George Sr. had again been rejected
by his wife.
And, feeling low, he decided
to get his affairs in order.
...you're trying to keep your distance
from the company,
and I appreciate that,
but you are the copresident with Gob.
Well, hang on. President?
When did I become president?
Well, I mean, Sudden Valley.
I mean, that's yours.
- I mean, we're carrying that for you.
- You forgave the debt.
We forgot the debt.
Basically, what we did
was we absorbed everything, including you.
And does Gob know
that we're copresidents?
Gob doesn't know
that there's a B
- in the word "debt."
- If you're gonna run the Bluth Company,
that word's gonna come up.
Go into the company,
you look at the books,
you get in there, you find out
if there's any money.
I need an evaluation.
Yeah, that's an understatement.
All right.
You know I'd really like to be involved,
but I can't risk being involved
in anything
- that might be illegal.
- Agreed.
- That's what Gob is for.
- Boy, I was really hoping
you were gonna say
there's nothing illegal.
It's the last thing
you'll ever need to do for me.
- You heard a yes?
- Thank you.
- Meanwhile, Tobias...
- Kudos on being so quiet.
...checked in with the family
who hadn't abandoned him,
but were hiding in the attic.
I've got slices of stale gummy bear,
hard candies and a spare rib.
- Ooh, I'll take that spare rib.
- Could I have the spare rib?
Just joshing. It's stale gummy bear.
Oh...
Sounded like you were having fun
down there.
Oh.
It takes a lot out of me,
but they like to look at me
as the sticky white glue
that holds the family together.
But now... you're my family.
My biological son
and my pathological girlfriend.
And as the provider of this family,
I promise...
nay, vow that you will always have
a roof over... Ow!
- Dad, are you okay?
- Roof balls! Jesus, quiet.
- You're gonna get us kicked out.
- Sorry.
Okay, I just think we're all
a little stressed right now,
being stuck in this attic.
Are you sure we can't just live
downstairs in the real house?
Oh, this isn't a real house.
This is a model house.
How long
do we have to stay here?
Just until I can support us
on my actor salary.
- Oh...
- Quiet.
You can be excited, but quietly.
Oh, no...
Meanwhile, Oscar,
who was on the run with his son,
knew that he had to get rid
of a vehicle that approximated
the very one the police were looking for.
Well, I know I left
my truck somewhere around here.
All right, I guess we should get out.
I probably shouldn't
have chained us together.
No, no,
I should've brought a key,
but actually, I think it helps sell
the whole Keystone Cop thing,
because it had
to be something crazy.
Because, you know,
in silent movies, it's not real life.
- No.
- All right. So what do you think? Ready?
- Mm-hmm, okay. let's go.
- All right. Here we go.
Oh.
I guess stuffdoes happen like this
in real life.
- Can you... Easy peasy.
- Go out your side.
Easy peasy.
Well, that wasn't so difficult.
- No.
- Or funny.
Keystone Cops would've made a meal
out of this.
- Yeah.
- Okay, all right. Watch your hand.
Watching.
Are you okay?
Wait a minute. It's a fake hand.
How can it hurt?
No, it's a rental from prison,
and Mother said my next hand...
- All right.
- ...is gonna be out of my own pocket...
Okay, wait. What's that over there?
It says Mother of God hospital.
Maybe we can get you a replacement.
But first, we gotta get
out of these prison clothes.
- All right.
- Okay.
Here's the deal.
We need a walking system
- so we don't just trip over each other.
- Yeah.
- Left, right. Left, right.
- Okay.
So we always start with left.
Smooth and easy.
Lemon squeezy. And...
...left...
It wasn't a good system.
But Oscar wasn't the only twin
that was down,
because as Michael headed out
to keep the company alive...
he realized he'd need to do
the same for its founder.
What are you doing with the hose?
Wha... No, I didn't know it was on.
I mean,
I would never purposefully run a car
with the garage door closed
with the family in crisis.
Okay. You know, Dad,
this is an electric car.
Oh.
So, the only thing
you're killing is my battery.
Is that funny? I... Oh, God,
I can't get anything right.
Meanwhile, your mother is banging
every beach rat
that ever dropped out of a race.
- George was referring to this man...
- Oh, hi.
Care to join me for a glass
of breakfast wine?
...with whom Lucille found
she had much in common.
Dusty!
I mean, she wouldn't go out
with me this afternoon,
- and I know it's because of him.
- Dad,
I think you might be giving up,
uh, a little too easy.
You know? I mean, Mom loves you.
She's just mad at you. You cheated on her.
Or Uncle Oscar did, I don't know.
I lost the thread
on that one,
but she's probably just trying
to make you jealous, and so...
You're the head of the family,
- give her something that she wants.
- Wha...
Are you saying that
I should go find Buster?
Show her you're a good dad.
You know,
besides, he's gonna need
to be found and told
he's free before he does something illegal
and ends up back in prison.
- Ah. Maybe Lucille will...
- You know? -Uh-huh.
I don't know, let me back in.
Boy, you have to have
balls of steel
to survive in a hole like that.
And the same could be said for prison.
And soon,
Michael was going over the books
in what Gob had turned
into the conference room.
"Joni Beard, Media Consultant."
20K? What's that?
K means thousand.
Can you believe Adhir
just expected me to know that?
I must've told him K times,
"You gotta help me with these things."
I used to train dogs, so I'm very patient.
And $10,000 for a printer?
- 10K.
- Good Gob. Good K.
Yeah.
And to be fair, it's a...
It was a 3-D printer.
Why do we need a 3-D printer?
Well, to be fair,
it's a 3-D dental printer.
But they're worth twice what I got them
to leave them here for.
They must've been too slow for them,
but I thought, what do we care
if it takes two and a half hours
to print some molars?
Can you just get me a copy of the receipt?
Hey, you want to spend a couple
hundred bucks on a 3-D receipt,
I'll have it printed
and in your mouth before sunset.
These are your purchases.
- Where are you getting your capital?
- Capital money.
Thank you.
I have all the books here.
Coming through.
Including the ones Gob can't look at.
Do you want the Austero-Bluth
or just the Bluth books?
Well, I can only look at the Bluth books.
The Austero books are
for British eyes only, as they say.
♪ For British eyes only ♪
Okay. Uh, well, as copresident,
- I can look at the books that he can't.
- All right.
I'm sorry I don't understand what...
No, I ju...
Michael, if, look,
I'm the copresident, okay?
There's only room at this company
for one copresident.
What's next? You're gonna want
one of my parking spaces, Michael?
I didn't know
that I was copresident myself.
All right? I'm just here to help.
I'm not going to trump you.
Oh, well, Michael, don't worry,
'cause I already went there.
♪ Balls in the air... ♪
Saturday and Sunday semester.
Best 17K Mom and Dad ever spent.
Anyway, I don't know why I'm not allowed
to look at the Austero books, but, uh,
Mom does allow me to make
purchases from that account.
Let me get this straight.
You're only allowed to spend money
from the Austero account.
Why are all the revenue
from these investments only showing up
in the Bluth books?
Would you be terribly offended
if I offered you a candy?
- I don't think Dad wanted me to see this.
- I don't, either.
And your mother has my passport,
so why don't we say that I was never here?
An absolute professional
pleasure to have met you.
You know, I think that they had a plan
that they were sure would work,
but now they need to get out,
and that's why he wants
an evaluation of all the assets.
- Good to see you.
- You're doing great.
Yeah, he wants to find out
what he can sell off.
And you know, since you're copresident,
your name's all over this.
That means that whatever trouble
Dad is responsible for,
you are also responsible for.
So you're telling me
that Dad thinks I'm responsible.
Maybe it's time to show them
you are responsible.
Yeah.
That you're not looking for some reward
for doing the right thing.
- Or any reward.
- Good Gob.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
They think I'm too stupid to...
Help yourself.
Yeah. You know what's funny?
They think that I'm too stup...
- I already had one in there, so...
- We got to face facts.
They're stuck.
These stick. They're stickers...
Knowing what we know, we are complicit,
which leaves us open to... to liability.
You know, the easy choice
would be to quit.
- There it is.
- We've got an opportunity
to save the company.
That would not be easy.
That... that would take sacrifice.
Maybe even burning the...
well, midweek oil.
I quit.
I shouldn't have called it
the easy choice.
And Oscar and Buster found their way
to the hospital, having improved
upon their left-right walking system.
Outside, inside,
outside, inside...
Now, we cannot draw attention
to ourselves.
- I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand.
- Right.
And I'm... I'm just a guy
who's wearing a blue hat.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see.
Hey!
But soon,
they found the prosthetics lab.
Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop.
No way.
I think I saw William Shatner
wearing this
- while riding a bicycle once.
- Yeah.
Why don't you try this one? This one.
- This one?
- Yeah.
- I think this is used for teaching.
- Doesn't matter. Who cares?
It sort of reminds me
of Mother's hand,
except it's less veiny, and warmer.
All right. All right, you ready?
Meanwhile, Gob was preparing
to walk out of a job
he'd put over eight hours
of his life into.
This is just as tough for you
as it is for me.
Tougher, maybe.
Man without a king.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna miss this view.
Rite Aid roof as far as you can see.
Okay, yes, well, anyway,
why don't we go over some expenses?
Yes, yes, thank you
for reminding me. I, um...
...I told some paid protesters
that we use that, um, they could bill us.
You know,
it's for my nephew. Um...
They're gonna be buying
some masks as well, so...
They're Guy Fawkeses.
So those are personal expenses.
No, I just told you,
they're for my nephew. D...
Got it. I'll let Michael know
they're non-business related.
Don't worry about Michael.
He should've thought of that
before he fired me.
Probably for being gay, too.
You do know
that Michael didn't fire you, you quit.
As any proud gay man would do
in the face of such bigotry.
But I guess I don't need to tell that
to a little Indian guy, huh?
Michael's not your friend either.
You should've seen
the look on his face
when I do my impression
of you. You know...
What's the problem with Apu?
Just one more thing
before I have security drag you out.
Why are you claiming that
the closet conversion company
was a religious write-off?
Because I went there to become straight.
I thought it was one
of those Christian places
that converts gay men and is, uh...
Now the sole province
of extreme fundamentalist
Christian derangement.
Oh, you're just mad
'cause you can't have a hamburger.
But, yes.
Those places don't work.
There's no such thing as a program
that can change someone.
It's a way for hypocrites
to try to convince the world
- that they're now straight.
- Without using magic.
So I just tell the world that I'm gay,
and that I'm going to one of those?
And then I come out straight.
Mm, well, if you really do identify
as a gay man,
I would say going to a place like that
will only make you miserable.
So, shall I arrange an Uber for you?
I didn't understand a word
you just said, little guy.
But George Michael, meanwhile,
was worried that his uncle had failed
to set up the protesters.
You know Betty White
has this same car?
- You know Betty White?
- We share a weed dealer.
We are Anonymous.
Oh, shoot, not again.
My tech guys think
that I've been hacked by Anonymous.
I don't mean the alkies,
I mean the, uh,
the guys who wear the creepy masks,
hang out online.
The Guy Fawkeses.
Really? That sounded like you.
Think so?
God, they can even do that now.
Well, all the more reason
to not get you mixed up in all this.
You know, online hacking I can deal with,
it's just the day that they show up
in person that I'm dreading.
But you can't live in fear, so...
let's go.
Whatever happens, happens.
But two other Bluths were living
in fear,
and perhaps that's why
they soon found themselves entangled
with an old friend...
Oh, that hurt.
...whom they soon recognized.
I'm sorry, sir. Are you... Stan Sitwell?
Who was immediately fearful.
Oh, my God, George Bluth.
- Shh. I'm not George Bluth.
- Act like we're strangers.
- Yeah.
- Please don't hurt me.
I don't want any trouble.
I'm getting out of here today.
Oh, I know how you feel.
I broke out of prison today.
Hey, uh, Stan?
Could we stay at your place?
You're taking me as a hostage
in case the cops see us?
Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that.
- We can pretend we're cousins.
- Cousins?
Yes.
Yeah, Cousin Stan, let's walk, okay?
Inside, outside,
inside, outside...
Right behind you, cousin-father.
And George Michael
arrived at Fakeblock,
ready to act afraid of the Guy Fawkeses.
- When do we want it?
- Stop tracking us!
- Make a chain!
- This is all on me.
- We're still protesting!
- Oh.
You hired a bunch
of foxy guys to protest me
because I said I hated hot guys.
"Rebel." "Unfair."
- I was reading that as rebel.
- Oh, my God,
- it's Rebel Alley. We love you.
- Oh.
Yes, I went as you
for Halloween last year.
- Can we get a picture?
- Do you mind?
Dangerous Cousins
is my favorite movie.
- Mine t...
- I will.
I want to see everything else
you've got inside. Come on.
Might not be anybody in there.
They wouldn't have crossed
the picket lines.
Oh, well, you never know with nerds.
Come on.
If you want to see a big
empty room, we'll take a look,
but uh, just... I just know my guys.
But George Michael
was in for another surprise.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Fakeblock is so impressive.
- Yeah.
- I mean, Fakeblock's incredible.
- Fakeblock is...
- Yeah, Fakeblock is real.
It's my place.
And back at the cottage,
Lucille was in
for a surprise as well.
Lucille, my lady, my love.
Do you remember our first date,
at that little Italian restaurant?
Do you remember what I said to you?
"How did I ever find you?"
♪ How did I ever find you? ♪
You took me for Chinese.
The Italian place was the first time
I caught you with your secretary,
and you asked,
"How did you ever find me?"
♪ How did you ever find me? ♪
That's it. All right. Get out.
Go back to the Macaroni Grill.
I, uh, also brought you some leftovers.
I'm busy, George. What do you want?
I want you, Lucille.
In what way, George?
Sexually?
Yes.
Sexual-ish-ly.
Look, here's the deal.
- I can't... get hard. I...
- Live without me.
It's really getting hard,
uh, to live without you.
We really need each other right now,
because Buster
is on the lam. His first prison break.
I remember when he just started talking.
He better not have started talking.
No, I meant originally.
Like, when he was three.
- Five.
- Five.
He didn't say a word
until we fired the wet nurse.
He didn't stop talking
about that for three years.
- Until we caved.
- You see, this is the stuff.
That makes life worth living?
I was actually gonna say
that we should keep from the DA,
but can you tell me
why life is worth living again?
See, that's just it.
- I'm trying to have some kind of a life.
- Mm.
With Dustin Radler, the beach rat.
What's the deal?
You in love with this guy?
We're having fun, George.
Because he's fun.
He loves music, he plays me songs
on the guitar.
You know, hey,
I just brought the assistant manager
of the Macaroni Grill
over here during his lunch shift.
It set me back a sawbuck.
It's a third of what you are giving me
to live off these days.
Yeah, that's another thing
Dusty doesn't complain about,
his allowance.
You give him an allowance?
He doesn't get one. He's very wealthy.
He made a lot of money
in his law career.
And he's fun. He surfs.
He does things. He's alive, George.
I'm alive.
Only because Michael drives
an electric car.
Trust me, the whole
"trying to kill yourself" thing, turn off.
I think I need to show you
that I am a fun guy who likes to laugh
and is open to not killing himself.
I don't call it that,
I call it "a cry for help,"
but I think help has just arrived
and it's saying,
- "Cry for fun!"
- Don't cry at all.
Don't cry. Don't die.
And have some fun.
Wow, thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go to the beach now.
I'm gonna have a ball!
I don't know what's going on,
but I feel like a 55-year-old.
Well, so do I.
And he's showing up to take me
out for dinner later,
so I need to get ready.
Okay. Well... don't cry.
Don't die. And have some fun.
Hurt people, hurt people.
On the next
Arrested Development...
George Sr., hoping his wife is watching,
- goes to the beach to have fun.
- Hello. I would like an hour
on the funnest thing you have.
We got a tandem bike.
Unless you're alone,
then it's the saddest thing.
Uh, second-funnest thing you have.
We got the ball.
And soon,
finds himself having a ball.
Don't cry, don't die.
Don't cry, don't die.
Help me.
Don't die!
Don't cry, don't die.
It sounds like he said,
"Don't help me."
- I heard, "Help me die."
- Excuse me!
Either way,
it looks like he's having fun.
- I'm gonna die.
- No maritime law against that.
Dolphins!
Oh! Hey, we got dolphins.
Let's hit it. Yes!
Die! Was that a boat?
And Gob goes on
a religious program...
Anyway, that's why I came here.
I'm ready to convert.
...to be
religiously deprogrammed.
- Oh.
- Our church runs a program
that sees confused men
- through a very difficult time.
- Perfect.
Sign me up for that.
This isn't one
of those places where, like,
they get you to quit smoking
by making you smoke
tons of cigarettes
until you're like, "Oh, no,
no more, no more..."
You know what I mean?
- I don't want you to think I'm a whore.
- No.
No one would suggest that. Um,
- shall we get on our knees?
- Oh, are we starting?