Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Mr. F - full transcript

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Michael had snuck out
of work to see a British film...

with his British girlfriend, Rita.

I hate it when they hire
Yanks to play Brits.

You can always tell.

When they came upon a toy store.

We should get George Michael one
of these.

Oh, no, that-that-that's
not really him.



Besides, I already got him his
big present for his birthday.

A suit!
Dad, it's a Jack Welch.

I want you to look
under the pants.

Quicken! Premier. Dad,
I hope you kept the receipt.

- You wanna return that?
- No, I wanna deduct it.

Come on, let's get him the train.

It's... Really, he would
only like it for the receipt.

And this is crazy. I-I really...

I can't be seeing movies in the afternoon,
then going to toy stores.

I have to work. I'm not
even supposed to be here.

Michael couldn't
tear himself away.

- Could you?
- I can't promise it'll be fun.

Okay, that's, uh,
that wa... that was fun.

Still, the land probably shouldn't have
given out beneath us.



But we got a mole problem.

A mole problem?

Yeah, they've undermined
this whole hill.

We won't be able to build on it
for a few months. But it's my fault.

This is exactly why I should have been coming
to work. The Japanese backers...

if they find out about this...
that we haven't started building...

- they might not come through with
their investments. - I won't tattle.

I really fancy you.

I fancy you too.

Michael was falling for Rita.

- Whee!
- And Rita was falling for Michael too.

But that wasn't part of the plan.

Rita, you've dirt on your face.

- It's from school.
- I called the school, and you weren't there.

You know, we're here to learn
things, not fall in love.

So what if I have?
I've got feelings, all right?

I'm a woman too! Not some robot
you get to tell everything to.

I'm sick of it!
I'm sick of it all!

Your instructions and your letters!

And your little missions.
And your stupid assignments.

"You do the math, Rita."
Well, no, you do the math.

- Oh, God.
- Do you remember this?

And the pledge that you made
when you were promised it?

- I said I'd do anything for it.
- I want him out of the picture.

- Can you do that?
- I'm a big girl.

And Michael returned
home as well.

- Hey, what happened to you?
- Oh, I got highlights.

- It'll blend in about a week.
- Here. Yeah, I actually meant the collapse.

It probably has something to do with
the 4,000 hair plugs I had in one sitting.

Well, maybe you oughta
see a doctor.

Yeah, but he's too busy going to the gym
to see his friend Frank.

Oh, we're more than friends.
I'm kind of his spotter.

Missed a spot. Anyway, we should be looking
at some big yen coming in from the Japanese.

And when it does, I'm taking
my gym buddy out to dinner.

I barely even know you.

- Who's Frank?
- I've been wanting to talk to you about that...

- but it's a little awkward.
- Oh, well.

I've been wanting to have
my own awkward talk as well.

I think we can be more
than just gym buddies.

- You're blowing my mind, Frank.
- I'm an agent, and I'd like to work with you.

Oh. Oh!

Well, that is great news.
Okay, good.

I'm so glad you went first.
Uh, uh what agency are you with?

Frank said CIA, a government agency
that was responsible for this catastrophe.

But Tobias thought he said CAA, a talent
agency that was responsible for this one.

Frank's in the business, Michael.
He's got a big project for me.

Says it's "top secret."
He kind of looks like you. Same size.

- Same curly hair.
- Tobias, maybe you should spend less time...

focused on your looks, and more time
focused on your daughter, okay?

Her grades are terrible.
She's gonna start getting F's.

Actually, she'd
already gotten one...

as the movie she'd released in her secret
life as a studio executive was losing money.

But Maeby had a way to fix that.

- We turn it into a ride.
- A ride.

On the studio tour.
What used to be the Hell Tunnel...

now becomes the Tunnel
of Love, Indubitably.

- But didn't some people die in Hell Tunnel?
- That is an urban legend.

Two elderly people
got badly scalded...

when they tried to climb into the lava
cauldron, but I've got that covered.

Just like the poster!

Grades like those, she's gonna be taking
tickets at a movie theater the rest of her life.

You know what, you're one to talk.
You've completely ignored this family...

since that British bird
flew into your life.

No, I haven't. Well, maybe a little.
But, you know, she's amazing.

- You know, she was in the Olympics?
- She wasn't.

She's that Rita Leeds?

- Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
- No.

- Yes.
- Michael was thinking of this man.

She even plays the banjo. Although,
I do have to spend more time at work.

I was at the property
the Japanese funded today.

The whole backside has moles.

That's Frank's problem too.

Later that day, Michael went into
the office to find the rest of his family.

Well, look who's finally gracing us
with his presence.

- What's the surrogate doing here?
- We're meeting with the lawyers.

So I've hired this guy
to be my eyes and ears.

- You know, Dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
- He's worth every penny.

- Hey, I didn't say that.
- Oh, Michael.

- Mr. Loblaw.
- I'll catch you up.

- The Japanese are coming.
- They are?

Somebody tipped them off that
the property wasn't ready for building.

Which it would have been if Michael hadn't
been so busy with his English muffin.

- Typical.
- Delicious.

- I need a drink.
- I'll take an English muffin.

We'll have to be honest
with these Japanese investors.

They, uh, come from a culture
that values honor and respect.

And Godzilla!

- Godzirra!
- Just sit down.

- Okay, guys.
- Godzirra!

This needs to stop now!

Okay, this is exactly what we shouldn't do
when they show up.

Mom! That's enough.

- What? We're out of vodka.
- Sorry.

I thought you were doing Godzilla.

- Mom, that's enough.
- What? I'm laughing.

- Oh.
- Hey, maybe that's it.

Maybe we should do to the Japanese
what they do in their movies.

Build a miniature city.
Put it outside their window.

Tell them it's far away. It'll look real
if you squint. God knows they're squinters.

What do you think, Dad?
A whole... "Tiny Town."

- Another brilliant idea, Einstein.
- Really?

- You like to build it with me?
- Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm.

- It's a stupid idea.
- Uh. I'll build it with you, Gob.

Oh, great. That's another
brilliant idea, Steinberg.

I agree with Michael. If you take money
from these people under false pretenses...

you'll be committing fraud.

The government's already
watching your father closely.

They're going through his mail. They want
to put your father in prison for good.

Yeah, Bob's right. We've got to start
thinking practically.

Life is not some cheesy Japanese movie...

where the hero pulls on
a pair of jet pants and...

flies off the balcony like Astroboy.

And that's when George Sr. Did
a Web search for the words, "Jet pants."

- Even better.
- The bigger problem is, who alerted the Japanese?

I think you might have a spy.
This room, or someone in it...

might even be wired
with a listening device.

You need to find
that leak and plug it.

Your father said that he was
set up by a British syndicate.

Maybe you should look
for somebody English.

What?

I think Michael's
already plugged our leak.

- What is that supposed to mean?
- You've been spending a lot of time with Rita.

- And she's "Britishish."
- She's a spy.

- I haven't told Rita anything.
- This was not strictly true.

Let's start with
my family's misdemeanors...

and then push right on through
to the lighter treasons.

The Japanese backers... if they find out
that we haven't started building...

they might not come through
with their investments.

Then he siphoned off the entire pension
fund into a dummy corporation...

filed for bankruptcy, and used...
Do you know any other songs?

- She's a spy!
- Rita is not a spy, okay?

She's a beautiful, elegant woman.
It doesn't make any sense.

- What doesn't make any sense
is why she's dating you.
- No, that's a good point.

Actually, my sources tell me that
the leak goes by the name "Mr. F."

Ah, Mister F. Rita's not a man.

- As far as you know.
- And it could be an alias.

- Alias is a show about a spy!
- All right, that's it!

I finally find someone that I really care about,
my family tries to drive us apart.

It's not gonna work. So you know what?
I got a switch for you.

You guys handle this problem.
I am gonna go have some fun.

Unbelievable. Deserting the family
when we most need him.

- Shameful.
- Gob, I'm sending you a package.

You'll know what to do with it.

Michael was upset, and he called Rita.

- Hello?
- Hey, I've been thinking.

I'm going to start working less,
and I do want to start having more fun.

So, I'd like to
take you out tomorrow.

All day, anywhere you want.
What do you say?

Hell Tunnel takes another name.
Will it take another life?

Oh, I say yes.

Only, I'm going
to take you out.

The next morning, Michael
was heading out for his day with Rita.

- George Michael.
- Hey, I love my present, Dad.

- I'd wear it to school, but who needs
a Welch wedge, right? - Yeah.

- That's when they... - Enough business.
In fact, I got you another present.

It's something I saw yesterday
when I was out with Rita.

- It's time for us to start having some fun.
- I don't know.

"Fun" and "Failure"
both start out the same way.

Let's just go ahead
and rip this down, huh?

And Larry, the surrogate...

showed up to pick up the jet pack that
George Sr. Had sent to the model home.

What is that, a train set?
Look down, Larry.

- No, not down at your feet.
- Left.

- My left, your right.
- What is the matter with this guy?

- And, let me guess, he's probably...
- saying all that too.

It is a train set!
Those Japanese sites.

- I'm never gonna find my way...
- past that hallway sensor.

Dad, what are you doing here?
Is this the package you sent me?

Tiny Town. This is for
Tiny Town, isn't it?

You did like my idea,
didn't you, Dad?

I think he's in the can.

Actually, George Sr. was in the kitchen...

trying to soothe himself
with an ice cream sandwich.

And that's when he discovered a way
to possibly slip by the sensors.

If mother sees this,
she will blow a cow.

- Uh-oh.
- Dad?

- Oh, cool, a train set.
- Oh, I've always wanted one of those.

Maybe we could build
our Tiny Town together.

Do you want to, Dad?

Buster had always wanted
to do the same with Gob.

Goody! Yeah.
I do want to.

Yea. I do want to. Goody.

Gob was thrilled,
as was Buster.

Only Larry was disappointed. But he was
such a pro you'd never know it.

And back at the gym, Tobias was finding out
more about the project the agent had suggested.

Come on! What are you gonna tell me?
What've you got for me?

The Japanese investors you told us about
are going over to your place today.

I need you there when they are.
We need you to be a mole.

Oh.
Kind of a backer's audition.

Okay, I get it.
All right. Well then, Frank...

I shall be a bigger, hairier mole than
the one on your inner left thigh.

And later, Michael and Rita were
on the Tantamount Studios tour.

The thing she doesn't understand about
bovine spongiform encephalitis is...

Hold! Hold! The tram. Let's get
out of here, folks! Make some room!

- Make some room!
- Look! It's Malcolm in the Middle!

In the middle of shooting, I guess.

Oh, that's okay. It's more important to show
how we make the show than actually make it.

!@%$# Tantamount.

- Hello?
- They dropped off the package you sent...

but I don't think
I'm old enough for it.

Of course you are. I want you to have
a little fun. You're not gonna break anything.

But of course, Michael
thought he was talking about the train set.

Not the extremely dangerous jet pack
the boy had just found at the front door.

- Well, what if I crash it?
- That's half the fun.

And soon the tour arrived at the
Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.

So take the hand of someone you love...

as we enter the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.

...nnel of Hell.

But Michael was happy
to hold the hand of someone he did love.

And then,
he noticed her bracelet.

Michael had just noticed that
Rita was wearing a suspicious bracelet.

- What does your bracelet say?
- Nothing.

Oh, look. Look, there they are
on the bicycle made for two.

It says Mr. F, doesn't it?
Who is he?

Nobody.
I can't tell you!

Oh, God. He followed us.

- But why?
- Wait a minute. You know that man?

It's not what you think it is.
It's my uncle.

Is that Mr. F?
What does he want?

He wants you out of the picture.

- Bloody right I do.
- H-Hey!

- Oh!
- You lied to me, Rita!

You made me turn against my family.
But it's over now.

Oh! Me!@%s are wet.

And Maeby received a call about
the latest lava cauldron accident.

Already?
It's only been an hour.

I'm gonna lose this job. Maybe
I should let Mort take me out to dinner.

- Maeby?
- Okay, I'm definitely gonna lose this job.

- I can explain.
- Rita set me up. She set us all up.

This beautiful, funny, brilliant woman
was a spy. Everybody was right.

It was too good to be true.
And I... am turning her in.

Let me tell you something else. I would not
want to be the next woman who tries to fool me.

Well, that was a freebie.

George Michael, meanwhile,
was trying to solve a mystery of his own.

The jet pack...

had come with an instructional DVD
that seemed to confuse more than clarify.

What was clear was that
the gift was extremely dangerous.

And it did seem like a lot of work...

for a little payoff.

- Have fun!
- Have fun.

Meanwhile, Gob was bonding with the man
he thought his father was controlling.

- Almost done with the water tower.
- Neat-o.

His real father, however,
had gotten lost within the walls.

Where the hell am I?

He was actually somewhere between
the linen closet and the guest room.

I'm really glad that we're doing this together.

- I've never felt so close to you.
- Oh! I feel the same way.

- He's crying now.
- Oh, God, look at us.

We're like a couple of girls
on the last day of camp.

Right outside the house, Tobias was working
with the man he thought was a talent agent.

- You ready?
- Oh, yes. I'm gonna be a great mole.

Check, two, three.
"Let Lilly lick Lionel's lusty leathers.

- Let Lilly lick Lionel's"...
- The levels are fine.

- All right.
- Remember, no one can know it's you.

- We need to capture George Sr.
- Capture George Sr?

- What... Is that what you hired me to do?
- You didn't realize that?

No. But it does make perfect sense.
I have played him before.

He had, in the poorly narrated
reality series, Scandalmakers.

It's gonna be tough to work
that into the character...

and it's going to fight
the costume I rented...

but I didn't take six weeks of improv
classes at the Groundlings for nothing.

Michael was on the phone to Bob Loblaw.

I don't even think
she's here legally, all right?

She's taken advantage of me.
I-I want you to take care of this.

Call the CIA, do whatever you have to do.

Fine, but you take care of your family.
I think they're going ahead with this hoax.

And if money changes hands,
you're all going to jail.

Well, unfortunately the roads are out, so we
can't take you up there to see it in person...

but if you stand absolutely
still right there...

and just squint in-into the light,
and behold, Sudden Hill!

Gob! Don't!

It actually looked pretty
good. Even the financiers thought so.

Ishiro said, "I am reassured.
And they treat us with respect this time."

Motoyoshi said, "I thought the woman
was pretending as a monster...

but she was
just out of vodka."

Let's go ahead and close the curtains, and
not accept any money while we're ahead.

So, as you can see, any rumor of
a mole problem is completely untrue.

But, unfortunately, this was just as Tobias
appeared in his rented mole outfit.

- I'm a mole!
- Not the village!

Families can come... Ow! Ow!

- I'm very particular about building codes.
- The water tower.

And this water tower
does not pass muster.

- Lucille!
- Who can save our village?

- Michael!
- As it turned out, it was George Michael...

who had finally gotten
his grandfather's jet pack to work.

Hard to breathe in this thing. It's
really hot. I'm sweating all over myself.

I can't stop this thing!

- You're blowing my audition!
- I ache with embarrassment.

The Japanese were never
to be heard from again.

Okay, what's going on here?

Okay, that's no surprise.
George Michael?

Dad, I-I'm sorry. I can't
fly it very well, all right?

I think I would
rather have the Welch.

I didn't buy you that. I bought you
the train set, which you guys just destroyed.

Did you keep the receipt?

- What is that?
- It's feedback. Is someone else wired?

Oh, that's me.
My friend Frank wired me.

- He wanted me to be a mole.
- Our cover's blown.

Let's get out of here.

Good-bye, Tobias.

He wanted you to be a mole?

Oh, my God. Tobias F?nke.

You're Mr. F. Which means that man
was Rita's uncle. What have I done?

- I have to get this suit back.
- They destroyed our town.

- But they can't take away our memories.
- Oh! I've had...

- the time of my life.
- I think he's being sarcastic, Gob.

No, I'm not, Mother.
I mean lover.

- I like making love to Mother.
- I mean lover!

- Oh, my God. Buster, is that you?
- Yes.

Gob, it's just I wanted
to spend some time with you.

That's all. And you enjoyed it.
You can't deny that.

I guess you're right.

Maybe we should spend
more time together.

- Oh, I'd really like that.
- It's weird.

It took some idiot parrot man with
a camera in his hat to bring us together.

But even a pro
like Larry has a breaking point.

Rita.

- What do you want? I have to pack.
- Pack? Where are you going?

- Someone called the bobbies on us.
- No, no.

- My uncle and I have to go back to big Britain.
- Oh, that was me, Rita.

I am so, so sorry. I didn't
know what was going on.

Why did your uncle
threaten me?

He thought
you might be trouble.

- That was actually very astute of him.
- Good-bye, Michael.

You know, I really did fancy you.
I can't stay here now.

- Marry me.
- What?

Let me marry you.

You can get a green card, you-you can stay
and we can just see if this works, you know?

It sounds crazy, but this
will give us a chance...

to get away from both of our families
and see if this works.

Might be fun.

- Really?
- Yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

But let's go right now, okay? Before my uncle
gets out of the shower for some more cigarettes.

You take that,
I gotta leave a note.

But there was one piece of
intelligence that Michael didn't have.

- Interesting.
- Don't even think about it, Jay. She's an MRF.

- MRF? What's that?
- Mentally retarded female.

- That explains what she's doing with him.
- And the hats.

Oh, my God!
She's gonna marry him.

On the next
Arrested Development.

George Sr., disoriented in the walls,
almost makes contact with a new mole.

Not that one. Wait for it.

And Michael and Rita
start a new life together.

- What's that?
- A prize.

A lovely, lovely prize.