Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 3, Episode 13 - Development Arrested - full transcript

This is Michael Bluth.

Right now he's being honored
by his family.

Three years ago I made a choice
to keep this family together.

- Today, it looks like I succeeded.
- So why is this man crying?

Because now he'll have to stay
with these people for a long, long time.

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son who had no choice
but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Days earlier, Michael awoke
to find his son in his bed.

- Hey, are you scared of a monster?
- Kind of.

It was the monster called lust,
to which he'd recently succumbed.



And there's a chance
you might not even be related to us.

And although he'd only
gotten to second base...

he'd gone in head first,
like Pete Rose.

Then they both got
some distressing news.

And there you are, Maeby,
coming out of your mother's third base.

You guys really are related.

- And that night...
- You're not sleeping in here now.

- You think that's a bad idea?
- What, I mean, so we can make out every night?

Does that not work
for your schedule?

I mean, I'm sure
we can control our...

- I'm gonna go sleep with my dad.
- I'm gonna get my job back.

You're probably just a little anxious
because your old man...

is about to start running
a successful company for a change.

So Pop-Pop is definitely
innocent, huh?



No, not by a long shot...

but they have dropped all the charges,
and not just the Iraq ones.

The embezzlement,
the pension robbing.

I don't know why they dropped them,
but they did.

Let's see if we are on
Mad Money, huh?

And they deliver insulin right to my door.

It's probably on right after this ad.
This is gonna be great for us.

It's gonna give us a chance
to spend some time together, you know?

It's, like, I don't even know what's going on
in your life. Are there any girls or...

Actually, I've been wrestling
with some pretty taboo...

- The Bluths. I love these guys.
- Shh, here it is.

They beat the treason charges.
We had it as a don't buy.

Let's bump it up to a risky.

Risky! There it is,
we're doing it, huh?

- Are you happy?
- I'm really happy.

- I wonder if we should move out of town.
- What?

I feel like we've heard this whole
out of the woods thing a lot, you know.

- And I just wouldn't mind... - What have
I always said is the most important thing?

- Family.
- I was gonna say breakfast, but...

Why don't we go over to Gangy's,
have a little of both?

Later, we can talk
all this out, huh?

I've heard that
a couple times too.

And so the family gathered for a celebratory
brunch, catered by a local restaurant.

- Hello.
- Risky! Risky! Risky!

Look at that, Buster.
You would have lost a hand anyway.

I'd like to make an announcement.

We need to finish the party
we started three years ago.

Finally name Michael CEO
of a thriving company.

We'll prove to the world that nothing
can tear apart the Bluth family.

In fact, I've already rented
the same boat.

Oh, I'm not comfortable near the ocean
since the seal attack.

- The ocean is my second biggest fear.
- Good, don't come.

I need to be rubbing elbows,
not working your fork.

- We'll find a new venue.
- Oh, and before I forget.

No magic, Gob.

Where is Gob?

Oh, who knows?
I don't even know where he lives.

- He doesn't live at Michael's?
- I've always pictured him in a lighthouse.

Doesn't matter. Mom, I'm just
really flattered that you're willing to do this.

And I was half worried that you'd all
be eager to sell your shares and cash out.

We can do that?

Yeah, but Stan Sitwell's always had
a wild hair to buy this business.

It's the only hair
he's got. What?

- He's an alpaca.
- He has alopecia.

Lindsay, you know, if we did sell, it would
only mean like, what, two million dollars each.

Two million! Two million!

That sounds like a lot more
than it actually is.

You've already spent $1,200 on eggs,
and that would be it forever.

Keep in mind, we are building something
that is not only for our kids...

it's also for George Michael
and Maeby's kids too.

We can't have kids.
What's the matter... What are you say...

- It's not even an option really.
- Eventually you'll want to.

Sure, I may want to, you know, now.
It doesn't matter.

Either way, I won't do
anything about it. Come on!

Michael's right.
And I, for one, will not go back...

to wondering whether there's going
to be enough food on the table.

Might wanna start worrying about the table.

It's fine for you to say, "Don't sell,"
but I'm gonna be 40 in three years, you know?

You know, being twins,
our birthdays are pretty close to one another.

Yeah, but a 40-year-old woman
has as much chance of getting married...

as she does of getting attacked by a shark.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were going to say seal.

- Or a seal.
- Oh, God!

You have nothing to worry about. You're a
beautiful woman. Any man would be lucky to have you.

Michael had given this speech
many times to Lindsay.

- I'm a giant fat pig.
- I don't know why you say stuff like that.

Girls just grow faster than boys.

Dinner's ready.
We're having Lindsay chops.

What? I want her to be prepared in case
some bully at school is as clever as I am.

- No bully ever would be.
- Oh, let's not forget, you're already married.

- Hey, Mikey.
- Yes.

I think I'm gonna
cash out myself...

and maybe go down
to my little place in Cabo.

What little place in Cabo, Dad? Did you build
yourself a hideout in case you needed to escape?

- Of course not.
- I don't want you to worry, Dad.

There's gonna be plenty of money
to be made from a business run honestly.

Oh! Well, your mom's
not gonna allow for that.

She'll do whatever it takes
to get her way.

- You think the banana stand was our idea?
- It wasn't?

It wasn't.
Although they marketed the idea better...

the Frozen Banana itself
was the brainchild...

of a Korean immigrant
who threatened to sue them.

Your mother said she'd take care of it.
The guy was deported to Korea the next day.

Where his business never recovered.

You trying to tell me that all your crimes,
all your dishonesty...

- she was behind it all?
- She's the queen, Michael.

I was her king,
and now it's you.

She may appear
all sweet and innocent and light...

but she has a way
of controlling your behavior.

I'm concerned about you.
Because I do not want to see...

- He'll be fine.
- You'll be fine.

Michael went to cancel the reservation...

on the party boat
Buster so feared.

- Gob!
- When he saw Gob on a party boat of his own.

You might wanna untie
these ropes first.

- Don't tell me how to flee, Michael.
- What are you doing here?

- I kinda live here.
- Lighthouse wasn't far off.

Perhaps you can tell me
how you can afford a boat.

You mean on the paltry
1,500 a week you give me?

I give you 500 a week.

Yeah, well, somebody's drawing
a little one on those checks. No big deal.

I was planning on using
my Bluth Company stock to pay for it.

Sitwell's made me
a pretty nice little offer.

- About that, Gob, you cannot sell now.
- I have to.

Gob, you're gonna burn through this money
and have nothing, all right?

You give a man a fish,
he'll eat for a night.

- If you teach a man to fish...
- He'll wanna use your yacht.

I don't want this thing smelling like fish.
I'm burning through my future for it.

But you wouldn't understand that
because you're a robot.

Although I don't suppose you'd be willing
to have the company buy it.

Well, you can't let Gob sell those shares.

What am I supposed to do?
He won't give up the yacht.

- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Keep your weight off it.

- So lease it to him through the company.
- That just doesn't feel right.

Oh, really?
How would it feel to lose the company...

to a man who has less hair on his!@%$
than I have on my!@%$#.

It can't be worse
than hearing that just was.

I couldn't see through the glasses,
and I slid into the ladder.

Give Gob the boat. We need
to show the shareholders at this party...

that the family is united.

It's a very small concession
to an important cause.

And so Michael sold out just a little.

Fine, I will give him the yacht.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, pal.

Well, you said we could talk later.

- Yeah. You excited about the party?
- I actually might skip that.

What are you talking about? This party
is essential for the stockholders to see.

I mean, we gotta show them
how close this family really is.

This was as good an opening
as George Michael was going to get.

- Maeby and I made out.
- Sorry?

- Me too.
- What do you mean, Son? You kissed?

Even a little more than that.

I thought she wasn't
my real cousin.

But then Uncle Tobias showed us
these really rough pictures...

that proved that she was really
Aunt Lindsay's daughter.

I just feel like I can't
be around her or Aunt Lindsay.

They were really rough pictures.

No, I remember their birth announcement
like it was yesterday.

I mean, I know it's wrong,
you know, but my feelings are real...

even if it was a mistake.

Well, obviously,
acting on those feelings is not an option.

She's a blood relative.

I know.
I've seen the blood.

- How long has this been going on?
- I don't know... 53 weeks?

I can't be around her
with these feelings anymore...

and that's why I'm not
going to this party.

And so Michael
made another compromise of his values...

- for the sake of the business. - Whatever
happened to that Ann we were both so crazy about?

You know, maybe you could
bring her to the party.

Yeah, Ann is the girl for us.

Michael's sister, meanwhile,
was doing some selling out of her own.

I'm not going to sell my five percent,
even though you haven't made an offer.

- Which would be how much, by the way?
- Five percent?

Lucille actually gave you less
than her natural children.

I hope that's not a crack about
my hair color, lips, forehead, nose and teeth.

Because at least I'm not wearing
a rayon sweater set on my face.

It's alpaca actually. Cruelty-free.
Really narrows your choices.

But that's not what I meant
when I said "natural child."

Wait a minute.
You're saying I'm adopted?

I'm sorry. I thought you knew.
Have I upset you?

Are you kidding me? This is the happiest
I've been since the day I got my new nose.

- I'm not a Bluth.
- You were almost a Sitwell.

But 37 years ago, the Bluths
adopted you out from under us.

So, we said good-bye to you,
our darling, little three-year-old.

Uh, wait, three-year-old?
You said it was 37 years ago.

Oh, yeah, right. Hey, we should
do something for your 40th next week.

This part of the news
Lindsay didn't take that well.

!@%$, let me!@%$#%!@$%#@!

Get your!@%$#%!@$%#@!

Be gentle, she's almost 40!

Maeby, meanwhile,
had returned to Tantamount Studios...

where the word was
she was to be replaced...

when it was discovered
she was not the age she claimed to be.

- Please don't fire me.
- Fire you? Are you kidding?

I've already gotten 10 requests
for the TV rights to your story.

You gotta get your family
to sign the release papers.

This is the biggest thing to happen
since Uniprod hired that wee-brain...

to run drama development.

Michael had compromised his morals...

and was having trouble sleeping.

Of course, some of that
was Lindsay.

- Are you drunk?
- A little. We need to talk.

Yeah, I'll say.
Are you aware that your daughter...

and my son
have been getting physical?

I mean, can you imagine
anything more inappropriate?

- Hey, I guess you can. What are you doing?
- I'm not your sister.

- What? Hey, Lindsay.
- I'm adopted. And I'm three years older.

- There must be some mistake.
- No, Mom confirmed it.

And I know you've always
found me attractive.

You've been telling me that
for the last 40 years.

Please, Lindsay, this is crazy.

If I don't get divorced
and remarried in the next month...

I'm gonna sell those shares
and I'm gonna cash out.

- So what do you say? - But even Michael
couldn't sell out that much.

I'm just not that into older women.

- You bastard!
- Aah!

Michael had just found out his sister was adopted.

And the next morning,
he awoke to a worse surprise.

Oh, come on!

I can't sleep
in the same room as her.

She wants out of
this marriage, fine.

I'm afraid I'm going to have
to sell the Bluth shares and move on.

- You can't do that.
- They're my shares.

No, I mean, you can't
spoon me like that.

We need a new venue for the shareholders' party,
and it cannot be a boat.

Now, if you can find something,
maybe I can fudge the books.

Get you a Bluth Company salary, huh?
Maybe call you an events coordinator.

Can we just lay here for a second
while I think about it?

Michael was making
compromises all over the place.

Sure.

- I'll do it.
- Sounds great.

Soon, George Michael
went to Ann's to try to win her back.

But her Uncle Paul told him
that Ann had moved in with her boyfriend.

He also mentioned that we all only
had three more weeks on Earth...

and that fossils were just something
the Jews buried in 1924.

And so, feeling that
he couldn't go home...

George Michael decided to seek out
his own creepy uncle.

And Michael confronted his mother
about the adoption.

Look, she was better off with us.
He wanted to call her Nellie.

Of course. Lindsay is the Nellie
from the photo.

Why didn't you just tell people
she was adopted?

Adopting a child we didn't want
just to stick it to a competitor?

Oh, that would
make us look great.

You're right, Mom. People would have
twisted that story to make you look bad.

I don't see what the big deal is.

We loved her just as much
as any of you normal kids. More than Gob.

The big deal, Mom,
is that the family is falling apart.

They're trying to sell their stock,
and I can't promise you...

that I can keep everyone
together until the party.

We'll pay them off.

We'll call it
an accrued cash dividend.

But they won't get their money
until they sign a document at the party...

promising not to sell
for 10 years.

So, it's embezzlement,
bribery and conspiracy?

And a whole lot of love.

All right, and perjury.

- Oh, Michael.
- Hey. Oh!

I booked a perfect location
and some wonderful performers for the party.

We're having it at the Queen Mary.

Queen Mary? That's a ship.

Oh, no, no, no.
It's a chain of popular nightclubs.

Although I haven't been
to this particular location.

- It's on the Long Beach Harbor.
- That's the ship.

Don't worry about it.
They've actually welded it to the dock.

Although, perhaps
I should call the Hot Cops...

and tell them to come up
with something more nautically themed.

Hot Sailors.
Better yet, Hot Se...

- I like Hot Sailors.
- Mm, me too.

George Michael was about
to come across a hot seaman of his own.

- Gob?
- What are you doing here? How'd you find me?

My dad said that you were living
down here with your girlfriend.

You know about her?

- Who?
- Ann.

- Her?
- Gob had been dating Ann...

since he awarded her third place
in an inner beauty pageant.

Since then, Ann and her friends
tried to teach Gob about the Holy Trinity.

What? I thought that's what
all you guys lived for.

While Gob debased everything they believed in.

What about you, you game?

It's really not that big of a deal,
George Michael. I'm 18 now.

And besides we really haven't
even done anything.

Practically nothing.

But what are you gonna do?
The girl obviously needs a man.

And that's when George Michael became one.

Ann was upset.

As was Buster when he saw
the ship where the party was to be held.

And so Michael accepted his congratulations...

all the while looking for his son.

And Buster was approached
by his loving father.

Do you think there's any chance this ship
could break away from the dock?

- We're on a ship?
- Ah...

Maeby was trying
to get the family to sign away...

the TV rights to their life stories.

TV is not as good as it used to be,
huh, Uncle Buster?

But you could help me out
by signing my petition to make it better.

Oh, I kind of like
Skating with Celebrities.

- Excuse me. - Lucille was
trying to get signatures too.

Sign here that you won't sell.

Oh, I don't need to sell, Lucille...

because now I know that we're not related,
I'm going to marry Michael.

I always saw him
with a younger girl.

And Gob, angry at Michael...

- for sending his son to the docks...
- Not related?

Went into a kind of
knee-jerk revenge mode.

Why go for the best
when you can go for the rest...

of your life with a younger man?

Kitty likes to scratch.

Oh, God! Mom! Mom!

Take these forms
to everyone in the family...

and promise them a hundred grand
if they sign.

That's how Maeby found a way
to get signatures on her release forms.

Well, that was a freebie.

And soon, the crowd gathered to hear Michael.

I just wanna say how much
this family really means to me.

My father has always
been there for me.

He's a great man.

My brother Gob, who I know
would never do anything...

to hurt anyone in this family.

Except for dating his nephew's girlfriend...

and hitting on his adopted sister.

Buster, who faced his biggest fear
to be here today...

- Second biggest.
- And my sister, Lindsay.

Yes, she is my sister,
no matter what any piece of paper says.

Lindsay and her husband,
Tobias, you know...

deep down, they both love
each other very, very much.

Most of all, my mother,
who has always believed in me.

Three years ago
I made a choice...

I made a choice
to keep this family together...

And that's when Michael finally cried.

Today, it looks like I succeeded.

It wasn't exactly a turn-on.

Whoo!@%$# baby.

Looks like George Michael
got his mom back today, huh?

Yeah, well, where is
George Michael, by the way?

He came by the yacht.
Gave me this shiner.

- He hit you? What for?
- You know teenagers.

Probably lashing out at you
because of who I'm dating.

- Who are you dating?
- Ann.

- Her?
- Don't worry. I didn't fight back or anything.

I was, like, "Oh, no, take the yacht.
Please don't hurt me."

- Just build up the little guy's self-esteem.
- The yacht?

Oh, for God's sake, Gob.
I gotta get off this ship.

Mom, George Michael took off in Gob's yacht.
I gotta go find him.

Well, you can't go now. That's not going
to look good in front of the investors.

- Mom, this is important, okay?
- Michael!

This company is important.

It was at that moment that Michael realized...

how much he'd sold out.

Never seen a CEO cry like that before,
except at his sentencing.

That's who you're putting in charge?

I've made a huge mistake.

Will you take the company
for 20% above market?

Ten, and I'll take
the company off your hands right now.

Fifteen and I'll throw in Nellie.

- She's 40.
- Twelve.

Meanwhile, Michael searched the harbor...

and spotted the yacht.

And Gob noticed something too.

Are those police boats?

- Oh, my God, the SEC.
- They still have boats?

- Prepare to be boarded.
- Did you do this?

No. But I can't help but enjoy the irony
that you might be losing three years of your life.

Ah, this is why they dropped
those other charges.

- You gave me up, George.
- George? I'm not George.

George invited me.
Oh, stupid.

Oscar, when are you going to learn
there's no such thing as free shrimp?

Well, I know it was someone
in this family.

Or someone who used to be.

- Annyong?
- Annyong.

- Annyong?
- Annyong. But my real name is...

- Hello.
- Hello?

- Annyong.
- What the hell did you do this for?

Because my grandfather
vowed one day...

he would get even
for banana stand you stole from him.

It was true. Hello had gathered
information against Lucille...

- Annyong?
- to avenge his grandfather.

Hey, Maeby ever mention
my name?

But Lucille was not going peacefully.

You boys know how to shovel coal?

I don't even wanna tell you
what these guys thought that meant.

And Michael caught up
with his son.

George Michael, what are you doing?

- Where are you going?
- I can't stay here.

Ann's moved on. Maeby's my cousin.
We both know that's not an option.

Buddy, Maeby is not your cousin.

- What?
- Yeah, I found out a couple days ago.

Aunt Lindsay was adopted.

Why didn't you tell me this?

Because you can't be
with Maeby. You're 15.

Inevitably, the relationship is gonna fall apart,
and then what do you do?

She might not be a blood relative,
but she is still family...

and that's a bond
that lasts forever.

You don't wanna rock that boat.

- What the hell was that?
- It was his mother...

who moments earlier
had taken control of another queen.

Full steam, boys!

This is degrading.
I thought we were gonna strip.

Mother!

It's moving! Oh, my God!

And Buster faced his second biggest fear.

- I can't swim! I can't swim!
- And then his first.

Oh, come on!

And the two grand ladies
made their escape together.

Lucille Bluth, please pull over...

and step away
from the historic ship.

- Gangy's trying to make a break for it.
- I guess we should go back.

Family sticks together, huh?

Yeah, on the other hand...

we do have a full tank of gas,
a house in Cabo...

and 500 grand in cashier's checks.

What say we give them
no choice...

but to keep themselves
all together for a while?

It was Arrested Development.

On the epilogue.

Michael wakes up to another
strange bedfellow after his first night at sea.

How was the party?

And Maeby pitches
her TV show to a Hollywood icon, who says...

No, I, uh...
I don't see it as a series.

Maybe a movie.