Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Good Grief! - full transcript

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Michael was adjusting
to his new position as vice president...

which meant doing the work of
the president, his brother Gob.

- Michael.
- Hey.

So, did you see the new Poof?

His name's Gary,
and we don't need any more lawsuits.

No, I was talking about the magazine-
Wait. Gary's gay?

- Yeah.
- Uh-oh. He's gonna think I was coming on to him.



You've got a nice mouth.

I'd kill for that ass.

Okay, the chair's
not doing it now...

but lately it's been giving out
as soon as I lean back.

Anyway, I was talking about Poof magazine,
the magazine for magicians.

This guy Tony Wonder bakes himself into
a loaf of bread and pops out of a giant sandwich...

to feed the troops.

I had that idea 10 months ago.

- You had that idea?
- Well, basically.

I was gonna boil myself alive into a chowder
and then be ladled into a giant cauldron...

- to entertain and feed the firemen.
- That's pretty close.

I should be in this Poof!

- Michael Bluth.
- He found him. Ice found your father.

Michael recently
had hired a bounty hunter...



to track down his fugitive father.

- Wh-Where?
- He's coming over here at 5:00 to tell us.

But he wants to get paid first.

Dad goes back to jail,
I can be cleared, I can be president again.

And I'm halfway to getting out of this office
and into a steaming bowl of soup.

- Everybody wins.
- Yeah.

Oscar, close it. You look like
the window of a butcher shop.

- Thank God I can finally get rid of him.
- I'll see you at 5:00, Mom.

Michael then headed down
to the frozen banana stand...

where his son
was supposed to be working.

It just seems like every time we wanna
be together, your father comes along-

Hey, guys. What's going on?
Why's the banana stand closed?

Oh, Ann came to see me,
so I thought I'd take a little break.

- Can we talk about this later?
- Sure. No problem.

Just, let's keep the phone on.
Okay, pal? Great.

Hey, you.

See? That's a perfect example of
how your father's always interrup-

I'm sorry.

- Hello.
- Hey, buddy. They found your grandfather.

- That's what I wanted to tell you.
- That's great.

- I didn't wanna say that
when you were talking to Egg.
- I'm still talking with Ann.

Oh, she's still goin'? Listen,
I'll talk to you later. I'm very excited.

That's good.

I think we should break up.

The bounty hunter, meanwhile...

was eager to impress
the family attorney.

I cannot believe
that you made these.

Indeed, Ice had always bounty-hunted
to support his first love-

party-planning.

And Lindsay was still hoping
to score a date with him.

I don't suppose you'd be interested in
catering an affair with me.

Well, when you get a full guest list,
let me know.

Why can't I do this anymore?

That's got to bother you,
huh, Dad?

- I mean, she's flirting right in front of you.
- Hmm? Oh! No.

I am surprised, though, that she's going
after somebody so similar to my own type.

But I suppose we all do expose
our inner desires, don't we?

I think you just did.

No, I didn't.

Is there any way
I can divorce them?

Oh, sure.
It's called emancipation.

But you've got to prove that
you're living in an unstable environment.

Both my parents are trying to have affairs.
Of course, they haven't succeeded yet.

If they do, I could have you out of this house,
on the street, in a month.

- Sweet!
- Mm-hmm.

Soon, Michael arrived,
and Ice began his presentation.

When word got out that he was
building houses for Saddam Hussein...

he escaped to Mexico where, as you know,
he was arrested and interred in a local prison.

Until he was killed by this guard.

Body was held for six days
within the prison walls when-

- I'm sorry- he killed a guard?
- No, the guard killed him.

He's dead.
Buried in Mexico.

Uh, h-hold on. How do we know this is true?

Because I have here his dental records,
his death certificate...

and a political cartoon
from a leading Mexican publication.

Okay, again, I'm a caterer...

so if you do have any family events-
weddings, wakes-

I'll leave my card.

Is it true?

Is he really gone?

- Ow.
- Just checking.

These are his teeth.
He had such perfect teeth.

- It was that Glisten.
- He swore by that Glisten.

"Who left the cap off my- Glisten?"

It's all hitting me now.

This is really happening.

All this awful funeral stuff!

The will.
We have to get the will.

I don't know if enough time has passed.
I don't know what I'm saying.

Is it in your car, Barry?
I'm gonna throw up!

Check the car, Barry.
I don't know what I'm saying!

The will is not here.

The will is at my office, next to
the hot plate with the frayed wires.

I didn't, uh- It wasn't-

In fact, Barry had lost George Sr. 's will.

How did I get here?
Oh, my God, Lucille. He is gone!

We have to have a wake.

Maeby was upset,
but saw a chance to fix up her mother.

Maybe we could get Ice to cater it
or something- I don't know what I'm saying!

- We don't even have a body.
- I will be my father's body.

I'll be the one buried.

Because he loved magic
so very much.

- I don't think Gob knows what he's saying.
- I know exactly what I'm saying.

I will be buried in my father's place...

and then, one week later,
I will emerge from the grave...

in one of the greatest illusions ever!

- This about getting into Poof?
- I mean, how does that not get me a cover?

Buster!

- We can't tell him about this!
- I think the boy's been lied to enough.

You weren't here
for the parakeet, Oscar.

As a child, Buster had a beloved parakeet...

who, after landing on their
housekeeper Rose's wig, flew away...

when she took out the trash
and into a transformer.

When Buster found out,
he destroyed the family's kitchen...

believing this to be
where Rosa lived.

- Whoa.
- What are you doing home?

The army had half a day.

- Are you guys planning a party?
- Yes.

It's your father's birthday, which,
coincidentally, is... my birthday.

Because you're twins.

Well, I've got some shopping to do.

George Michael,
meanwhile, had just been broken up with...

by his first girlfriend...

and was on his way home.

- And he went to his father for comfort.
- Dad?

I've got some bad news.

What? What?
Is Ann telling everyone?

It's your grandfather.

- Apparently, he's dead.
- Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Uh, I'm sorry.
What were you saying about Ann?

George Michael didn't want
to burden his father with his break-up.

Nothing. I just- I broke up with her.
It's no big deal.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Are you okay?
- Me? I'm great.

- Yeah?
- I'm great.

Good. Yeah.
She wasn't for us.

No, she's- she's a great girl.

- For those other guys.
- You think there are other guys?

I don't know what I'm saying.
Come here.

Hey, Brother.

- You wanted to see me?
- Buster, yeah.

I need you to help me with
this illusion I'm working on.

Oh, for Dad's birthday.

Yeah. For Dad's birthday.

So, look, I'm gonna
get in this coffin.

What I'm gonna need you to do
is to spin it around...

to show everybody
that there's no trap door.

Then I'm gonna escape
out the trap door.

- Ooh!
- You close the trap door...

bring in the pallbearers
and bury an empty box.

So it's a hoax.

But why are you doing a coffin trick
on Dad's birthday?

Black humor.

Say, "Hey, Dad, look at you.
You're... a year older...

and a year closer to death."

Oh, yeah, I guess that's kinda funny.

Okay, but you have to
do a favor for me.

I'm not really in the army,
and I told Mom I was...

but I can't go to a family event
without an army uniform.

- Oh, yeah. I used to be a stripper.
- Strippers don't wear clothes.

Not at the end of the show.

You can wear stripper clothes
when you're not stripping?

You tell me.

George Michael
went for a walk in the adjoining lot...

to grieve both losses in private...

and he made
an interesting discovery.

- Pop-Pop?
- Hide me.

Don't turn in Pop-Pop.
Help Pop-Pop.

George Michael snuck his grandfather
into the attic and helped him clean up.

- Wow, they're perfect.
- Years of brushing with Glisten.

Listen, you can't
tell anybody I'm up here.

- You have to protect me.
- Yeah, I know.

- I just- I can't not tell my father.
- I'm your grandfather.

- I went through hell to get here.
- He had.

After being arrested, he found a loophole
in the Mexican judicial system.

I have, uh- I have money.

The Mexican authorities...

even attempted
to fake his funeral...

although it was
a less-than-perfect deception.

Anyway, I was halfway down to Panama,
and I saw something in the local paper.

What he saw was a story...

about his wife giving mouth-to-mouth
to a homeless man.

She was kissing his brother.

Well, I understand what that feels like.
I was dumped today.

I can't tell Dad how upset I am about it because
he'll think I should just be upset about you.

- He wouldn't be wrong.
- What?

Seems like we're
going through the same thing.

- Why don't we keep each other's secrets?
- Yeah, okay.

Listen, if you pass a mini-mart,
Pop-Pop gets a treat?

The next morning...

- Michael ran into his son
doing something suspicious.
- Morning!

- Hi.
- Where are you goin' with that food?

I was just gonna eat some of my
grandfather's favorite foods in my room.

It's the form that my grief is taking.

Okay.

I think George Michael's
hiding Ann in the attic.

From who, the Nazis?

No, his girlfriend, from me.

I just caught him
sneaking up to her in the attic...

and he clearly did so
because he thinks I don't approve.

I think I'm gonna
invite her to the wake.

Why make him hide? Why do to him what-

Why do to him
what Dad used to do to me?

He was so amazing.

That was actually an example
of how not so amazing he was.

You're really going
through something here, huh?

I know!

You know, it's funny-
all those years when I pretended to cry...

I used to use Dad's death
to get me going.

I tried it with Mom's, but I'd
just end up smiling and ruining it.

But it feels, like, real.
You know?

And you haven't really allowed yourself
to grieve much at all, Michael.

My relationship with Dad was much more-
much more complicated than yours.

It was predicated a lot on secrets and lies.
There wasn't a lot of trust there.

Here he comes.

Here comes John Wayne.

I'm not gonna cry about my pa.

I'm gonna build an airport,
put my name on it.

Why, Michael?
So you can fly away from your feelings?

You can keep 'em bottled up,
but they will come out, Michael.

Sometimes in the most unexpected-

Hey, where the-
Are my hard-boiled eggs?

Meanwhile, Gob was preparing
for the illusion ofbeing buried alive.

Boy, you sure
got this hole dug out quick.

In fact, the laborer had been hired
by George Sr. Three days earlier...

for the same hole.

And Buster searched
for the perfect card.

"Someone wanted to send you
a birthday greeting. See you soon!"

Oh! That is wicked.

And soon, the wake
that Ice had catered began.

- What are you doing? Is this what you're wearing?
- My father's dead, Maeby.

Yeah, but you're not,
and Ice is right there.

Maeby knew that if she
could get her mother to have an affair...

she could emancipate.

All Pop-Pop ever wanted was to see you
with another man besides Daddy.

You're right.

You know what?

I'm gonna throw on a skirt, take off my
underwear and make your Pop-Pop proud.

Let me ask Barry.
That might be enough right there.

Is Oscar wearing my suit?

Hey-

You tell my brother
you don't wear a dead man's pants.

Shame on him. And you say that to him.
You say, "Shame on you."

- Okay.
- Say it to me like you're gonna say it to him.

I'm probably not
gonna say it to him.

Okay.

Look at her down there.
Does she look sad to you?

- Oh, my God. That's Ann.
- Who?

It's the girl
who ripped my heart out...

the girl whose face
will always be etched in my mind.

Her?

She's really funny.

Well, let's hope so.

Don't forget the chicken wings!

Hey! Ann!
You're here. That's great.

- I wasn't sure whether you got my message.
- It wasn't a message.

- We talked.
- Uh, Ann?

Did Dad invite you?

I figured life's too short. You two care for
each other. Why throw that away? Huh?

Huh? Okay.

- Do you think we really do?
- A father can tell. Okay?

It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face.

And Buster arrived...

dressed in the military outfit
Gob had procured for him.

- What the hell are you wearing?
- It's all regulation, Michael.

To get the top right,
the pants had to be a little snug.

To get the top right,
the pants had to be a little snug.

Is there a birthday gift pile?
Hmm?

A birthday gift pile?

Michael recalled what Buster
did to what he thought was Rose's car...

with what he thought
was Rose's favorite toy.

Hey!

- Yours is the first.
- And the most wicked.

Get him out of here.
We can't let him know it's a wake.

Buster!

Let's go get that coffin ready to be buried.

And so the family
gathered to remember George Sr.

If anyone would
like to say anything about Dad...

now's the time.

- Anyone.
- Anyone?

Perhaps my son George Michael
would like to say something.

Huh? Wanna share
your feelings? Eh?

- It's okay to cry, pal. It's okay.
- Yeah?

Wow.
He's really gone.

But I think that ifhe
was here right now...

I would probably tell him
that it all worked out...

and that, um...

I'll be bringing you
some salmon rolls right away...

in... heaven.

How many times
I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?

Lindsay got up to speak
in an outfit her daughter had chosen.

My father meant the world to me.

Wipe, Mom. Give it a wipe.

That's a home run.

And finally, Michael got up to speak.

I had a very complicated relationship
with my father.

Ice, can we- can we just cool it
on the smoothies for right now?

There are smoothies?

I could never trust my father.

But I always want my son
to be able to trust me...

so from now on...

we're always gonna be
honest with each other.

Okay?

'Cause there's nobody I love
more than you in this whole world.

Michael, listen, can we
move the eulogy outside...

so I can time being lowered into
Dad's grave with your big finish?

- I'm done.
- Wow. That was your eulogy?

Glad Dad wasn't around
to see that.

- That was great.
- Well, I meant it.

So no more secret trips
up to the attic. Right?

George Michael
didn't want to betray his grandfather...

but it appeared his father
already knew the truth.

- I have Pop-Pop in the attic.
- What?

The mere fact that you call making love
"pop-pop" tells me you're not ready.

Hey!
Before we lose the sun!

Come on.

The speeches we heard today
are nothing more than words.

But I will prove that I love my father
more than anybody.

Buster!

Stop it!

As you can see,
this is a normal coffin.

Take me halfway around.

I will become my dead father's body...

as I am lowered into his grave.

- All right. Spin it back around.
- Dead father?

Is he de- Dad's dead?

Just keep it together, Buster,
and spin this back around.

Oh, my God!
The card! The card!

Something's gone wrong.

How about that?

Michael noticed something in the dirt.

Glisten.

And suddenly he realized what his son meant
when he said he had Pop-Pop in the attic.

Dad? Dad.

How you doin', Michael?

Uh, hey, but your father's alive, Michael.
He's alive.

- How could you do this to us?
- I had no choice.

My brother is with Lucille.
She's destroying the family.

You put the entire business in peril, you escape
from prison, then make us think you've died?

L-l-I'm an innocent man,
Michael. I'm a patsy.

L- I signed some documents-
I thought they were gonna kill me.

Don't turn me in. Okay?
Can you help me out?

And for a moment
Michael was conflicted.

Well, I'm not gonna let you stay here
and make my son an accomplice. Okay?

I'm sorry. I'm not gonna let you
spread your guilt to him.

Ice, my mother
has something to tell you.

- I find you very attractive.
- She cleans up nice too. Trust me.

Uh, I think I'm finally off the clock.

I'm out of here, right?

Hi. Dad's alive.
He's hiding in the attic.

- He's upstairs?
- Oh, my God!

Dad?

He's gone.

Stack the chafing dishes outside
by the mailbox. I'm on the job.

I can't seem to give this away.

I can't believe it!
And I just found the will!

Can someone
explain to me what's going on?

Thanks, Mikey.

Yeah.
Well, now it's our secret.

And Michael met up
with his son, their roles now reversed.

I'm sorry. From now on
we'll just tell the truth to each other.

- We're gonna try.
- Yeah.

So, wait, obviously
Ann wasn't in the attic.

- So you actually did break up with her?
- She broke up with me.

The great thing is, she was so moved by what
you said tonight that we're back together.

- Ah!
- Yeah!

Oh, is that great.

Well, we're family,
and we stick together, huh?

Hmm.

Okay, let's go dig up your uncle.

On the next Arrested Development...

Buster finds out about
the death of Captain Kangaroo.

Michael grows weary
of caring for his father.

No, Pop-Pop does not get a treat.
I just brought you a- pizza.

And Gob finally makes
the cover of Poof magazine.