Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Out on a Limb - full transcript

Maggie Lizer returns after Michael bumps into her at the courtroom. But that's not before he realizes that she's 8 1/2 months pregnant. This comes after Michael tries to go after his ...

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell.

I still can't believe we got in.
This place is usually so packed on Sundays.

In addition to its Sunday popularity...

the bistro was also famous
for something called the Skip's Scramble-

an egg dish that contained
everything on the menu.

Don't order the Skip's Scramble.

Just more good luck. Everything's been
going so well since we started goin'out.



I think we've actually
gone out eight times now.

Which included a record-tying...

three lovemaking sessions
in one night for Michael.

- Yes!
- Just think...

how different everything in our lives would be
if we'd gotten together in high school.

Of course, I wouldn't
have had George Michael.

We probably would've had
an entirely different kind of child.

I really hope
he's okay with us goin' out.

We're very close.
We don't keep anything from each other.

Oh, no, it's my Dad.
I'm supposed to be at work.

You know, George Michael,
you worry too much.

It's Sunday. You're allowed to
have a couple of hours off.

You don't see me nervous
about being on my third Virgin Mary.

Why would you be nervous?
There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.



There isn't?
This is unbelievable.

Can I get a virgin pi?a colada
when you get a chance?

Now we'll get
things started.

Hi. This is so, uh-
I was just-

Hey, okay.

I want to introduce you to Sally.
This is George Michael.

- My niece, Maeby.
- It's nice to meet you.

I just shut down the banana stand
for a half an hour.

- I can keep it open late tonight if you-
- No. Hey. Come on.

Make me sound like a taskmaster.

But if- if you want to keep it open
an extra hour, you know.

So, this is Sally.

- Is she your girlfriend?
- No.

- Yes!
- A little.

You know what? I'm gonna meet
you in a few minutes, okay?

- Okay.
- And maybe we'll work on
breaking that record, huh?

Okay.

She's a shot-putter.
And I'm dating her.

But I just want to make sure
that you're comfortable with everything.

Well, of course. We could double-date.
You and Sally and me and Ann.

- Who?
- W-Ann.

- Yes. Yes.
- Yeah, we had-

Of course I know Ann.
Yeah, see, I didn't mean "who."

I meant, uh, "her."
That's a great idea.

- I love Ann.
- Great.

Excuse me, ma'am.

George Michael, you said that
you couldn't come to church...

because you were working,
and now you're doing neither?

That's quite a lot of sins
for a Sunday afternoon, don't you think?

- Your virgin pi?a colada.
- And now you're drinking?

No. We're just having
a little fun, you know.

I think the church
and studying are fun.

- I thought you felt the same.
- Well, I do.

L- I like not having fun.

I like your idea
of fun, I mean.

Our idea of fun.
I like not having that.

I'm going
back to church.

Well, she just
killed my buzz.

So, you're still
enjoying this relationship?

I mean, I guess we've lost some of the heat
since we have kissed.

I mean, how do you
relight that fire?

But I can't break up with her. I always assumed
she would break up with me.

Well, we may have to find
a way to speed that process up.

And later that day,
Michael caught Lindsay up...

on the emotional bond
he was forming with Sally.

Oh, big deal, three times.
I've had three times plenty of times.

Yes!

Did you call my name?

Absolutely not.

I just hope that George Michael
is really okay with it.

I think you're looking
for a reason this isn't going to work...

because you can't handle happiness,
and you like to suffer.

Oh, how delicious!

Oh, hey, let's not spin
in the comfy chair.

Look at this delicious piece of irony.
I'm being sued for divorce.

- Me.
- Thought you were single?

Yeah, I keep forgetting
that I got married.

Gob met a woman one night.

And after a series of
escalating dares, married her.

Yes, but it's all
coming back to me now.

She was a seal dealer.

She raised and sold seals to aquariums
and marine parks, that sort of thing.

Then she went off to fight her war
and left me to look after them.

It was while in the service
that her penchant for daring...

found a natural outlet.

I've never known you
to look after a seal.

Turns out it's a major hassle.
Tried to include one in my act once.

There's a reason you don't typically
see live seals in a magic show.

So with a simple wave of my-

Oh, look-it over... there.

Well, one of the "Desperate Housewives,"
looking so desperate.

So I released them from whence they came,
and now she's stomping on my heart.

- What's her first name? Quickly.
- Krindy.

Name's not Krindy, Gob.

Ah, Saul Zentsman.
No, that's her lawyer.

Well, she's got a name.
And I'm gonna find out what it is...

and then I'm gonna make a pun on it,
and that's what I'll call her.

Bad example- if her name's Amy,
I'll call her Blamy.

That's a strong defense.
I'll tell you what.

I'll help you look for Barry tomorrow.
I think Dad prepaid him...

for Lindsay and Tobias's
divorce anyway.

Look at us. Three relationships,
all falling apart.

Maybe it's time we actually
took some responsibility for that.

- I think it's Mom's fault.
- I was gonna say the exact same thing.

No, that's not a spinner.

So this is how my children
speak of me when I'm not here.

- What are you doin' here, Mom?
- Your brother Buster...

wants to meet me
at the beach tomorrow.

Do you know what this is about?
Because if it's about going in the ocean...

the answer is
no, he's not going in the ocean.

Well, there are
bigger dangers, Mom.

Like, say, signing him up
for the army during wartime.

What the hell
was I supposed to do?

Michael Moore confronted me
in front of the whole country.

First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore.
It was a look-alike.

And it wasn't in front
of the whole country.

It was for a bit
on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

I don't know who that is,
and I don't care to find out.

But the next day,
she did find out what Buster wanted.

Okay, I think we have enough
of you two kissing.

Oh, I can't believe
you hired a photographer.

We haven't done this since
the Balboa Bay Window magazine.

So, I wanted you to have
a recent picture of me...

because they want to ship me
out tomorrow with army.

What?
To where?

Iraq. And I just
might be out of options.

I don't want to go,
but they keep-

I know what this is about.
You want to go swimming in the ocean.

Well, you can forget it.

- I don't think that's what this is about.
- Yes, it is.

He's trying to punish me
or something.

- Whatever happened to "Keepin' It Fresh"?
- I was 30 years old then, Mother.

I'm 32 now! And I'm not
trying to teach you a lesson.

Well, I may not have
been a perfect mother.

But, you know,
kids don't come with a handbook.

In fact, there are
thousands ofbooks written on child-rearing.

But Lucille was in denial.

If he wants to
go swimming, let him.

And Buster was far from ready
to go swimming in the ocean.

And later, Michael and Gob
tracked down their attorney...

- Barry Zuckerkorn.
- Thank you so much for coming down here.

I've got a big case.
I'm representing Skip Church's restaurant.

- I don't care.
- A waitress that works there is claiming...

that by eating Skip's Scramble
several times a week is making her a fatty.

We need to speak to you
about getting a divorce for Gob.

- Oh, well, I got Michael
out of his marriage, didn't I?
- Actually, she died.

- You're kidding. I've been
taking credit for that for years.
- Credit?

- Who's their lawyer?
- Saul Zentsman. Do you know him?

I have Chinese with him every
Friday night at Miss Temple's.

- He's tough.
- I just want my wife back.

Save it for the stand,
okay, Tom Jane?

Fine. I'll get into this
as soon as I lose this case.

You know who's defending
the fatty? Maggie Lizer.

Maggie Lizer,
our old prosecutor?

Michael had an affair
with Maggie Lizer...

while she was both pretending to be blind
and prosecuting the family.

It was with her he'd first set
the three-time record.

Yes!

Their relationship
ended somewhat abruptly.

- Wow. How does she look?
- Well, she's get-

If you ask me, bigger.

- She was bigger-
- Are you sure you're okay to go on?

Because she was pregnant.

It's not my belly we have to
worry about, Your Honor.

It's Loretta's.

Being tempted day in and day out
by those Skip's Scrambles.

Bring 'em in, boys.

Oh, I'm cooked. They love her.

Tell you the truth,
I preferred it when she was blind.

And so, Michael caught up
with his onetime lover.

How you doin'?
Wow, you look... fantastic.

Wow. Haven't seen you since we had
an affair and you ruined my career.

Yeah, I was gonna call you
a couple of times, and then I just-

I got to thinking, uh,
"What if she brings that up?"

To tell you the truth, I am so relieved
not to be pretending to be blind anymore.

It's actually taught me not to rely
on cheap tricks to get the jury's sympathy.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not
supposed to do this...

but we just spend
so much time in that box.

- I knitted you something.
- Oh, Juror Number Four!

Gosh, thank you. I feel so bad
I fought so hard to keep you off the jury.

- Oh-
- Ms. Lizer, can I see you in my chambers?

Oh. Yes, Your Honor.

In fact,
Judge Ping had a gift for Maggie too-

an Ocean-Sounds Toddler Rocker
he'd asked his bailiff to assemble.

Too bad the trial's not going longer.
She could've knit you something that fit.

I know.
I'm so big now.

No, no, come on.
They look great.

You look great.
You look fantastic.

Last time I saw you was in
that jury box right there, wasn't it?

- Wasn't it like a year ago?
- Oh, Chip, you know what?

Can you take this
back to my house?

Actually, it's been about
eight and a half months.

Eight and a half
months, huh? Wow.

I see somebody has
been counting the, uh-

Eight and a half months. Wow. Really?
Could've sworn it was a year.

Michael had just learned...

that the woman he'd been intimate
with eight and a half months earlier...

was eight-and-a-half
months pregnant.

- Didn't I use something?
- No.

You thought
I was blind, remember?

Don't worry. You're not the father, Michael.

- No problem.
- Really?

- Right.
- You sure? I mean, uh-

I could be. What if I was?
Don't you want to discuss this maybe?

Michael, I haven't
heard from you.

L- I really don't want
to hear from you now.

Listen, if you're interested,
come to the baptism.

You can hurl a Bible
at the baby.

And that night,
Michael met up with Sally...

where he felt he needed
to be honest with her.

Sally...

you need to know
about my child.

George Michael.
He approves.

No, there may be
another child in the mix.

I ran into an ex.
We had a very messed up relationship.

It was based totally on lies.
But she's pregnant.

She said something that led me
to believe that it might be mine.

- But you said she was a liar.
- Sh-She is.

She said it
wasn't mine, so-

- Why are you telling me this?
- Well, because obviously...

if it is my child, I'm gonna
have to be responsible for it...

and that's going to make things
awfully complicated for us.

Michael, you know what? You're always
looking for things to get between us.

First, it was
"What's your son gonna think?"

And now you think
you're having a baby...

because a woman who lies
told you you weren't.

That's a great way to say that. We really do
communicate well, do you know that?

Are you insane?
You broke up with her because...

somebody who doesn't want you
might be pregnant with your baby?

No, Sally broke up with me.
And as for Maggie...

I didn't even know that
she was pregnant when I first saw her.

All I could see was
her giant chest- box.

She had this- Some people
call it a chest. I call it a box.

She was holding this giant box.
Maybe I should've just stayed out of it.

She did make it pretty clear
that she doesn't want me around.

Come on, Michael.
She's probably not even pregnant.

You said she was
carrying a big box?

Pregnant women
tend not to do that.

It did say "60 pounds" on it.

Okay, l-I've done
this wrong.

I should've found out whether it was a real
pregnancy before I told my dream girl about it.

You know what I do, Mike?
Check their urine.

Make 'em pee in a cup,
and pee in a cup right in front of me.

Yeah, well, thanks, Gob. But, uh, I think
we should just keep on lookin'.

I don't know how I can
make that sound like me.

So you get someone to break
into her house, rig the toilet...

collect the pee, test it,
and expose the lie.

I mean, I'd do it, but I'm goin'
through a divorce here, guy.

Oh, a pregnancy test.

There's something we never had,
huh, Lindsay? Oh, no.

We had to create our
little Frankenstein monster...

out of science and money
and just a dash of-

Maeby, what- H-How long
have you been standing there?

- I just walked in.
- Just walked in.

Seems like only yesterday you were
bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb.

You know what? Tobias and I will
break into her house and get the specimen.

- We've been looking for a little excitement.
- Yeah!

It'll be fun. We will be like Tracy and Hepburn.

- "What do you say, you old poop?"
- Oh, God, he's Hepburn.

I am done with Buster.

He pushes my buttons.
That's all he does.

He also zips you up
and sands your elbows.

Not anymore. No, no, no.
He's pretending he's going to war.

Mr. Big Shot. God knows
what he's really doing.

Wait a minute. He said he's
going to war? Aren't you worried?

Oh, you're sounding
like your uncle.

And I've had enough
of his attitude too.

- The boy is going to war.
You're gonna have to face that.
- It's none of your business!

He is my boy!

- I need macaroons.
- Oh, you're high!

Oh, well, you can win every argument like that,
but that does not make you right.

I don't want you telling him
you're his father! I need ice!

Can't you see you're in denial?

- You're high!
- You're drunk!

- Where did Buster say he was going?
- Iraq.

Which is a shot at your father.
Thank God he's not here to hear this.

Excuse me one second.

- It's the pipes.
- You know, Mother Lucille...

there's a psychological
concept...

known as denial that I
believe you're evincing.

It's when a thought
is so hateful...

that the mind
literally rejects it.

You are a worse psychiatrist
than you are a son-in-law...

and you will never
get work as an actor...

because you have no talent.

Well, if she's not going to say anything,
I certainly can't help her.

And Maeby
saw a way to help her cousin.

I know how to get rid of Ann.
You put her in a room with Gangy.

- She'll criticize her away.
- But what would Gangy
have to criticize about Ann?

Oh, George Michael-

In the attic,
Michael met with George Sr...

- who'd overheard about Buster.
- He can't go. You can't let him.

I command you.

I really hate it when
you put on the God costume.

George Sr.
Had always worn the God costume...

at the annual
Living Classics Pageant...

where he and Buster re-created
Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam.

What if I never get a chance to reach out
and touch that hand of his again?

- I gotta go to him.
- Pop, you're a wanted man.

You cannot risk leaving
the attic all the time.

Oh, when? When have I
ever left the attic?

Two days ago. Right? Saw you
floating around the Ford dealership.

Yeah, well, have you seen
the new Ford Mustang?

You could hump that hood.

And Michael
set the plan in motion to get...

- Maggie out ofher house.
- Hi, Maggie.

- Are you blind again?
- For the pizza guy.

I give him a five.
I tell him to keep the change.

What are you doin' here,
Michael? I'm with a client.

- Is that the pizza?
- No!

You'll get your pizza.

She's taking the stand tomorrow.
I want to make sure it creaks.

There's so much I don't
understand about the law.

Look, Maggie, if this child is mine,
I really need to know.

So can you spare a few minutes for someone
who might be the father of your baby?

Of course I can.

- Okay.
- But it's not you.

Oh, for God's sakes.

Oh, come on!

Fine.
Let me get Miss Fat Ass outta here...

- and I'll meet you in the car.
- Okay.

Meanwhile,
on the other side of Maggie's house...

Lindsay and Tobias were putting
their plan into action.

- I'm cloaking myself in her scent.
- Oh! She's not blind.

Well, she was
when she bought this.

- Oh, my God! That's her!
- Get in the tub!

Buster, meanwhile,
received an unexpected visitor.

I want you to know that
it's okay for you to hide.

A man can hide.
There's a quiet courage in that.

You're a good uncle.

I'm not your uncle.
I'm your father.

- What?
- Shh. Shh. Quiet courage.

Quiet courage.
Hide.

But Buster was confused.

You lied to me.
Uncle Oscar's my father.

He just told me so. And maybe
you're not even my real mother.

For all I know, Lucille 2
is my real mother. Oh!

Buster, you were
never supposed to know.

Oh, yeah? Well, here's something
you should know. I'm going to war!

Buster had just discovered
he'd been lied to by his parents.

I'm going to war!

- You told him you were his father!
- I did no such thing!

- You're high!
- You're drunk!

George.

He must've come here
to say good-bye to Buster.

And that's when
Lucille snapped out ofher denial.

My baby's going to war.

Lindsay and Tobias
were gathering evidence...

that Maggie
was truly pregnant.

And they were
having fun doing it.

That's the first time we were
in the shower since our honeymoon.

And this time, no tears.

Tobias, this is the box that
Michael was talking about. "60 pounds."

But it didn't weigh 60 pounds.

Michael was stalling Maggie,
and they were also having fun.

Sally Sitwell? You know,
I think I had her little play oven.

Yeah, I know. It's a funny name.
But she's a doll.

Yeah, I had one.

If you pull her hair,
she'd cry or something.

This one kinda
does that too.

- Hello.
- We got the pee, and we're gonna get it checked.

But, listen, you should know that
that box that says "60 pounds"-

it's actually
like two pounds.

I think she's pregnant, Michael.
I mean, there's baby stuff here and-

Tobias, stop it.
That's for the baby. It's not-

- We're having a really good time.
- Yeah?

- Well, I kind of am too.
- Bye.

So, no more lies.
Tell me the truth.

If-lf that baby is mine,
maybe we're meant to be together.

Of course it is, Michael.

But that's when the F?nkes
discovered what was in the box...

that was so easy to lift.

- That's what it is.
- Okay, the box was light 'cause
it had a fake stomach in it.

It looks like she's faking it.
Oh, God. I hope you get this.

Wait up, please.

And George Michael and Maeby
brought Ann to the penthouse...

in hopes that Lucille
would drive her away.

Isn't Ann great?

- Oh, she's lovely.
- Unfortunately...

she was distracted by
the thought oflosing Buster.

Hey, do you have
any bread pudding?

'Cause you'd be surprised
how much this one can put away.

- Ha!
- Now that Buster's not here,
there's no one to finish it.

I don't care
if I ever eat again.

You know,
when times are tough...

you can always turn to
the power of prayer.

Here we go.

Show me.

This was a big get for God...

and Michael brought
Maggie home to meet his son.

This is gonna be easy. He's been signing off
on everyone lately. Maybe he called.

Hey, so what's the deal on Zuckerkorn?

'Cause you know my fat case-
it's really pretty thin.

- Lying, untrustworthy-
- Yeah.

Plus, I heard he
hangs out at rest stops.

No, no. I'm talkin'
about you, Maggie.

I don't know why I'm surprised.
I shouldn't be.

You're a liar.
You lie.

Well, I mean, I heard
he hangs out at rest stops. Okay-

And I keep buying it too. And so maybe
there is something wrong with me.

I thought we were startin'
to trust each other.

I got a message from my sister saying
there's a box at your house with a fat suit in it.

- What've you got?
A different one for each trimester?
- You had your sister...

- break into my house?
- Which one are you wearin' right now?

Is this
the ready-to-burst model?

Now, there's
zero trust here. Good-bye.

It's been fun-

not.
- Michael had hoped
something more dramatic...

would have
come out ofhis mouth.

Or at least more current.

Oh, you're so right, Michael.
I really can't be trusted.

'Cause I'm fakin' it-

not.

Hello, Michael.
Well, my wife and I...

finally had the thrill of seeing
a plus sign on a pregnancy test.

You're gonna be a daddy!

On the next
Arrested Development.

Barry gets a big break on his case.

The fat girl in my
Skip Church's case? Not fat.

The attorney bought her a fat suit.
Oh! I've got another case.

Maggie is suing you
for paternity.

And for the first time, Lucille prays.

Take something else from us.
Do whatever you have to...

to keep my boy
from going to war.

And Buster is on his way...

when he decides to pursue
a long-delayed rite of passage.

Loose seal!
Watch out for loose seal!

I don't care about Lucille!

She lies!

And then a seal bites offhis hand.

Aaa-

...men.