Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Charity Drive - full transcript
To help the company's image, Lindsay returns to her roots - charity fund raisers. While Lindsay is the most charitable member of the family, Michael tries to prove he's a more charitable person by helping a woman he thinks is his mother's housekeeper. Maebe, defying her parents, decide to break into the permit office, using George-Michael's help, and they learn a shocking secret about the Bluth Company. Meanwhile, Buster accidentally bids on his mother's social rival Lucille Austero at a charity bachelorette auction.
Michael Bluth
arrived home to find the rental car...
his sister, Lindsay,
had promised to return.
Lindsay, you have to cut back on everything.
I'm even selling the corporatejet.
Great. So now we don't have
a car or a jet?
Why don't we just take an ad out
in I'm Poor magazine?
I'm trying to get development started.
All right?
- I've got six bulldozers
waiting to get underway.
- Bulldozing?
- What about the trees?
- We're just gonna cover them up with blankets.
- I'm ripping them out.
- Anything for a buck, right?
You are so materialistic.
- Don't suddenly turn this
into one of your causes.
- It's not sudden, Michael.
I've always been deeply passionate about
nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?
I'll never forget your wedding.
I care deeply for nature.
- You're wearing ostrich skin boots.
- I don't care about ostriches.
You're looking at
a desperate man, Michael.
- Do you need money?
- What I need is freedom.
Marta is being
interviewed today on TV...
about her show,
El Amor Prohibido.
It's bad enough that I gotta go to
the awards show tomorrow night.
Today I gotta stand next to her
like I'm Rita Wilson.
Gob's girlfriend Marta
had been nominated for a daytime Desi...
the award given for excellence
in Spanish daytime television.
You found a woman
who believes in you.
You should make a commitment to her,
'cause life is short.
I would give anything
to be able to have that again.
You know? A family?
Nothing else matters.
- Michael!
- That's Mom. Hide.
You brought up money earlier.
I actually would like
to borrow some.
- No.
- Michael?
- He's in here, Mom!
- Come on.
No way. That's mine.
Give it to me!
Gob, wait! I need those tickets!
He promised me tickets
to his girlfriend's awards show.
You're going to that thing?
Well, my dear friend
Lucille Austero...
is part owner
of a television station...
and I want to show up
and hold my head high.
I may not have her money anymore,
but at least I have a live husband.
Ah, she's lucky to have you
as a friend.
- Buster.
- Hey, brother.
Uh, Mom said you could
tie this for me.
Make it long so Buster
doesn't seem so... round.
- Come here, pal.
- Thank you.
- Do you guys got a big date?
- Well, we're not dating.
Nonetheless...
Come here...
shouldn't Buster
be spending his evenings...
with women that aren't so much...
his mother?
He's a beautiful boy.
They don't appreciate him.
It's his glasses.
They make him look like a lizard.
- Plus, he's self-conscious.
- Gee, I wonder why.
When's the last time
you went on a date?
I just haven't met anybody
who's not self-absorbed and impossible
to have a conversation with.
If that's a veiled criticism
about me...
I won't hear it
and I won't respond to it.
Hmm.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Later that day Michael
finalized the sale of the corporatejet...
and was also able to solve
the family's transportation problem.
Hmm?
I am not riding in that thing.
Well, we sold the jet, and they didn't
want this. What am I gonna do?
Besides, Lindsay, it's not
like you're materialistic.
Well, then, it's all yours.
Watch out for bridges
and hop-ons.
You're gonna get some hop-ons.
And Michael was finally prepared...
to begin the next phase
of the family business.
We go to Trisha Thoon for more.
An activist known as Johnny Bark
has taken residence in this beloved tree...
and refuses to come down.
What is he protesting?
The expansion of high-cost,
low-quality mini-mansions...
like this one here.
You gotta be kidding me.
Michael met with his sister
about the activist in the tree.
Michael met with his sister
about the activist in the tree.
You want me to get him out?
Oh, come on, It's one tree.
After we get that lot cleared,
we're gonna have enough money...
for you to neuter thousands of animals.
You can make dogs and cats a complete
thing of the past. No more dogs and cats.
And we will have enough money...
for me to replace the stair car
with a normal car.
I'll do it for the cats.
Meanwhile,
Marta's interview was underway...
and Gob was getting uncomfortable
playing the supportive role.
I just told him that
we are this family now...
and that career's one thing,
but family is forever.
I, too, have an announcement to make.
To prove that no prison can hold me...
I will incarcerate myself in the penitentiary
that holds my own father...
only to escape 24 hours later.
No shackles can hold these hands.
Say that to them in Spanish.
The next day, Michael
got a call to meet Gob at the prison.
You're going into prison? I thought
there was something wrong with Dad.
What? No, Dad's fine. Just saw him in there
throwing the ball around with a couple guys.
Which, of course,
he never did with me.
- How did you get them to agree to this?
- Oh, the warden's a fan.
You really think
you can break out of my prison?
You won't even know I was here.
The warden was intrigued...
less about the stunt...
and more about the prison beatings
this brash magician was sure to receive.
Well, any press is good press, huh?
Right.
So Gob went about swallowing
the key to prepare for his escape.
Then I pass the key, bust out of prison
and into magic history.
Of course, that is gonna conflict
with my going to the Desis with Marta.
Well, life's a compromise.
I probably would have taken her
to the nice event, but prison'll be fun too.
- Thank you. I knew you'd come through.
- How'd I come through?
- Thank you. I knew you'd come through.
- How'd I come through?
Gob, how'd I come through?
You might wanna find something
a little stronger, Warden.
What is your problem?
Meanwhile, Lindsay set about
fulfilling her promise to Michael.
Get out of our tree.
At this moment, Maeby
found another opportunity to rebel.
- We have to save this tree.
- We have to!
And George Sr.
was about to be surprised by his son.
Keep your arm up.
That's how you get accuracy.
Thought you said throwing the ball
against the garage door by yourself...
was how you got accuracy.
- Gob, what are you doing here?
- Life, Dad.
I killed a guy.
Nah, it's just a publicity stunt.
I'm gonna bust out tomorrow.
- Impressive, no?
- You idiot. You're gonna get yourself killed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize
there weren't any magic fans here.
Hey, White Power Bill, he's all right.
White Power Bill can't hear you...
with such dirty ears.
Hey, White Power Bill has dirty ears.
Hey, guys!
Dirty Ears Bill!
Dirty Ears Bill!
And Michael was
about to get a surprise visit ofhis own.
Michael?
Yes? Hi. I'm Michael.
I'm Marta.
You're Marta?
Thank you so much
for taking me to the awards.
Gob said he really appreciated
you coming through for him.
Oh. Sure. Yeah.
This is how I came through, huh?
Listen, Marta...
I hope you don't mind driving.
I took a cab here.
- I just couldn't find my keys.
- Well, my brother may have eaten them.
Look...
Um... I haven't hired
a limo or anything.
- I don't mind.
- I think you might.
Look, I'm an activist too. I appreciate
what you're doing for the environment.
But we're not the only ones
who destroy trees.
What about beavers?
You call yourself an environmentalist?
Go club some beavers.
You don't really
get nature, do ya?
It will be torn down,
with or without you.
Where are the stairs?
Meanwhile, the Desis were underway.
Guillermo Ortiz
como El Rat?n...
Pablo Dominguez
como Pepito...
Felicio Col?n
como Miguelito...
And Lucille was mingling with the elite
of the Latino Television Academy.
Can I get a vodka tonic, please?
I'd like a vodka tonic.
Vodka tonic, please?
A sea of waiters,
and no one will take a drink order.
Buster was also mingling...
but, at Lucille's insistence,
wasn't wearing his glasses.
? C?mo estoy?
Exciting night.
And Lucille Bluth crossed paths
with Lucille Austero.
Lucille?
Lucille!
- Well, aren't you something?
- Oh!
Showing up here
without your husband.
Shame be damned.
Caution to the wind.
That's so sweet, darling.
I'm here to support you.
You're the one who's all alone
and likely to stay that way.
My husband's
just a phone call away.
That's one call per day,
isn't it?
Gee, I should think
he'd wanna save that for his lawyer.
At least he's in prison,
not an urn.
You are so deliciously witty.
Aren't we having fun?
The other Lucille
also suffers from severe vertigo.
Lucille Austero, meanwhile...
perhaps because she'd never seen him
without his glasses...
first took notice of Buster.
Buster, however, failed to notice her...
and she sent him a proposition.
Excuse me, sir.
This is for you.
Huh?
Finally, Marta's category was announced.
?: Yel Desi va a...
Sandra Elena Higuera!
Marta? Hey.
I'm sorry.
You really deserved to win in there.
Did you win?
l-I don't speak Spanish.
It's not about the award.
It's crazy, but I thought
it would make Gob proud.
I'm sure, in his own way,
that he's...
I just think he doesn't understand family.
You know, commitment.
But those are the only things
that matter in life.
At that moment
Michael realized that this was...
the most beautiful woman
he'd ever seen.
For the first time since he lost his wife,
he wanted someone.
At the same moment,
Gob was ready to retrieve the key...
to execute his escape.
Is there a private bathroom nearby?
- You're looking at it.
- No, I can't use that.
No, no, I need privacy.
Yeah, I've always been that way.
No, no, I need privacy.
Yeah, I've always been that way.
I can't go without privacy.
I c... I can't pass this key
without privacy!
Well, I could ask the guys
to leave, but, uh...
they've been
locking the doors lately.
l...
I've made a huge mistake.
Michael was having
a wonderful time with Marta and
didn't want the evening to end...
while Lindsay was bonding
with the man in the tree.
You have no idea
what it's like to save a living thing.
Well, for your information, I do.
My husband, Tobias, and I used to
do this kind of thing all the time.
I guess that's why
I was so attracted to him.
He was a serious
and committed advocate for change.
Where is he now?
At a weekend stage fighting workshop
with Carl Weathers.
But he used to believe in things.
We both used to.
Sorry, Lindsay.
I didn't realize you were up there.
Oh, I'm up here, Mike,
and I'm not coming down!
I'm gonna save this tree,
no matter what it takes.
Okay. I'll see you when you
realize what that bucket's for.
I can see why your mom likes it.
It is a really nice tree...
We've gotta get it torn down.
That must die... stupid tree.
- Buster's out of control.
- Another panic attack?
Me? No. She's just wigged out
because I have a girlfriend.
A waiter hands him a note;
suddenly he's Steve McQueen.
He doesn't even know
what she looks like.
I know she's a brownish area
with points.
And I know I love her.
I'm calling Dr. Miller.
Okay, I don't know
I love her...
but I cannot tell you how liberating it is
to be with someone who's not Mom...
who's nothing like her.
Yeah, and you're just... you're just
jumping right into this, huh?
Oh, yes. Yes.
That's what you do when life hands you
a chance to be with someone special.
You just grab that...
that brownish area by its points...
and you don't let go,
no matter what your mom says.
Mmm!
Good talk.
- Hello.
- Michael. Change of escape plan.
I unplugged
the ice cream sandwich machine...
and the guards are all eating them
before they get too melty...
so I've got like a half an hour.
Meet me at the south prison wall
and bring the stairs.
Michael knew he had
an obligation to his brother.
Michael!
Hey, Gob!
Where the hell are the stairs?
Oh! I thought you were kidding!
Hey, speaking ofkidding,
how serious are you about Marta?
I get the sense that there's not much of
a future there. Am I reading that right?
Let me ask you something. How would
you feel if I came down on you hard?
You're saying
I'm not reading this right.
No, I'm saying
I need to jump on you to break my fall.
- Don't be an idiot. Don't jump on me.
- I have to! Stop moving!
- Come on! Stop moving!
- Don't jump on me!
The guards soon became concerned...
about the paperwork that would be
required of them if Gob actually didjump.
- Don't be such a moron!
- You're making this very, very difficult.
Ohh! God!
This is personal...
Gob. Gob!
Good talk.
I'm a complete failure.
Where'd you get
that kind of talk?
From you.
You always say that about me.
Well, maybe you're not
entirely to blame.
I haven't always been
the best kind of father either.
You've done a pretty good job
of being a father to everybody in here.
What have they got that I don't?
You've never even...
thrown a ball around with me.
Great.
Now you're an athlete.
Lindsay left the tree
to sleep in her own bed...
and Johnny Bark left the tree
to awaken her.
- So, Lindsay, I was thinking...
- Johnny Bark?
- I wanna be with you, Lindsay.
- What?
- And I know you wanna be with me too.
- No, I don't.
But all the things you said about
commitment and believing in things...
that's the way I feel!
johnny, I'm sorry. l...
I didn't mean to lead you on.
I think you're gross.
- Uh-oh.
- My tree.
That's why you never
get out of the tree.
And Gob was about to
get a reason to stay in prison.
You all right?
Not great.
Maybe this'll help.
And for the first time...
Gob had the game of catch with his father
he'd been waiting for his whole life.
Okay, ready?
Put your mitt up.
There you go.
White power!
I'm... white.
And Michael decided
to share his feelings with Marta.
- Michael.
- Marta.
I'm not really quite sure
how to say this, but, um...
- I had a great time last night.
- I did too.
And, um...
we're so in synch
on so many things...
and, uh, l-l...
You guys don't have a machine, huh?
- Sorry.
- Okay.
Hello.
Oh, my God.
Gob has been
stabbed in the back.
- Am I still in prison?
- You're in the hospital.
? Ta-dah?
Meanwhile, Buster
was waiting in the hallway.
Buster?
Oh, Miss Austero.
Wh-What are you doing here?
- A touch of the dizzies.
- Oh. Oh.
So, listen, Buster, have you given
any, uh, thought to my offer?
I'm sorry. What?
Well, my phone
hasn't made a peep.
Ha... Has your hair...
always been that pointy,
Miss Austero?
- It's Lucille.
- Right. Right.
That's my mom's name.
Yes!
Oh, God!
Buster? Buster! Bu...
He... Oh!
I'm all right. I'm all right.
He's fine.
I'll be in the hospital bar.
Uh, you know, there isn't
a hospital bar, Mother.
Well, this is why
people hate hospitals.
You were right, Michael.
Life is too short.
Mine almost ended today.
So I think I'm gonna
work things out with Marta.
- You are, huh?
- Yeah.
Boy, that's, uh...
that's great.
- Hmm. You know what's funny?
- Mmm.
I was gonna walk out of that prison
last night and break up with her.
Good thing you didn't
bring the stairs, huh?
Mmm. Very funny. Yeah.
It's hysterical.
I'm lucky.
- Can I come in now?
- Yeah, sure. He's fine.
Listen, I really appreciate
you helping me out last night.
Well, you know, you gotta put family first.
That's the stupid thing that I believe.
You two keep talking out there,
I'm gonna start getting jealous.
I was really worried about you.
You've got nothing to worry about.
We're gonna be together
for a long time.
We're family now.
I am so happy.
I'm gonna call the kids.
I've made a huge mistake.
On the next Arrested Development...
Gob learns how he survived
his stabbing.
Looks like the shiv would have done
some real damage if it hadn't been for this.
It was in your lower intestine.
So close.
And Buster makes a bold move.
- Buster.
- Let's go for it.
arrived home to find the rental car...
his sister, Lindsay,
had promised to return.
Lindsay, you have to cut back on everything.
I'm even selling the corporatejet.
Great. So now we don't have
a car or a jet?
Why don't we just take an ad out
in I'm Poor magazine?
I'm trying to get development started.
All right?
- I've got six bulldozers
waiting to get underway.
- Bulldozing?
- What about the trees?
- We're just gonna cover them up with blankets.
- I'm ripping them out.
- Anything for a buck, right?
You are so materialistic.
- Don't suddenly turn this
into one of your causes.
- It's not sudden, Michael.
I've always been deeply passionate about
nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?
I'll never forget your wedding.
I care deeply for nature.
- You're wearing ostrich skin boots.
- I don't care about ostriches.
You're looking at
a desperate man, Michael.
- Do you need money?
- What I need is freedom.
Marta is being
interviewed today on TV...
about her show,
El Amor Prohibido.
It's bad enough that I gotta go to
the awards show tomorrow night.
Today I gotta stand next to her
like I'm Rita Wilson.
Gob's girlfriend Marta
had been nominated for a daytime Desi...
the award given for excellence
in Spanish daytime television.
You found a woman
who believes in you.
You should make a commitment to her,
'cause life is short.
I would give anything
to be able to have that again.
You know? A family?
Nothing else matters.
- Michael!
- That's Mom. Hide.
You brought up money earlier.
I actually would like
to borrow some.
- No.
- Michael?
- He's in here, Mom!
- Come on.
No way. That's mine.
Give it to me!
Gob, wait! I need those tickets!
He promised me tickets
to his girlfriend's awards show.
You're going to that thing?
Well, my dear friend
Lucille Austero...
is part owner
of a television station...
and I want to show up
and hold my head high.
I may not have her money anymore,
but at least I have a live husband.
Ah, she's lucky to have you
as a friend.
- Buster.
- Hey, brother.
Uh, Mom said you could
tie this for me.
Make it long so Buster
doesn't seem so... round.
- Come here, pal.
- Thank you.
- Do you guys got a big date?
- Well, we're not dating.
Nonetheless...
Come here...
shouldn't Buster
be spending his evenings...
with women that aren't so much...
his mother?
He's a beautiful boy.
They don't appreciate him.
It's his glasses.
They make him look like a lizard.
- Plus, he's self-conscious.
- Gee, I wonder why.
When's the last time
you went on a date?
I just haven't met anybody
who's not self-absorbed and impossible
to have a conversation with.
If that's a veiled criticism
about me...
I won't hear it
and I won't respond to it.
Hmm.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Later that day Michael
finalized the sale of the corporatejet...
and was also able to solve
the family's transportation problem.
Hmm?
I am not riding in that thing.
Well, we sold the jet, and they didn't
want this. What am I gonna do?
Besides, Lindsay, it's not
like you're materialistic.
Well, then, it's all yours.
Watch out for bridges
and hop-ons.
You're gonna get some hop-ons.
And Michael was finally prepared...
to begin the next phase
of the family business.
We go to Trisha Thoon for more.
An activist known as Johnny Bark
has taken residence in this beloved tree...
and refuses to come down.
What is he protesting?
The expansion of high-cost,
low-quality mini-mansions...
like this one here.
You gotta be kidding me.
Michael met with his sister
about the activist in the tree.
Michael met with his sister
about the activist in the tree.
You want me to get him out?
Oh, come on, It's one tree.
After we get that lot cleared,
we're gonna have enough money...
for you to neuter thousands of animals.
You can make dogs and cats a complete
thing of the past. No more dogs and cats.
And we will have enough money...
for me to replace the stair car
with a normal car.
I'll do it for the cats.
Meanwhile,
Marta's interview was underway...
and Gob was getting uncomfortable
playing the supportive role.
I just told him that
we are this family now...
and that career's one thing,
but family is forever.
I, too, have an announcement to make.
To prove that no prison can hold me...
I will incarcerate myself in the penitentiary
that holds my own father...
only to escape 24 hours later.
No shackles can hold these hands.
Say that to them in Spanish.
The next day, Michael
got a call to meet Gob at the prison.
You're going into prison? I thought
there was something wrong with Dad.
What? No, Dad's fine. Just saw him in there
throwing the ball around with a couple guys.
Which, of course,
he never did with me.
- How did you get them to agree to this?
- Oh, the warden's a fan.
You really think
you can break out of my prison?
You won't even know I was here.
The warden was intrigued...
less about the stunt...
and more about the prison beatings
this brash magician was sure to receive.
Well, any press is good press, huh?
Right.
So Gob went about swallowing
the key to prepare for his escape.
Then I pass the key, bust out of prison
and into magic history.
Of course, that is gonna conflict
with my going to the Desis with Marta.
Well, life's a compromise.
I probably would have taken her
to the nice event, but prison'll be fun too.
- Thank you. I knew you'd come through.
- How'd I come through?
- Thank you. I knew you'd come through.
- How'd I come through?
Gob, how'd I come through?
You might wanna find something
a little stronger, Warden.
What is your problem?
Meanwhile, Lindsay set about
fulfilling her promise to Michael.
Get out of our tree.
At this moment, Maeby
found another opportunity to rebel.
- We have to save this tree.
- We have to!
And George Sr.
was about to be surprised by his son.
Keep your arm up.
That's how you get accuracy.
Thought you said throwing the ball
against the garage door by yourself...
was how you got accuracy.
- Gob, what are you doing here?
- Life, Dad.
I killed a guy.
Nah, it's just a publicity stunt.
I'm gonna bust out tomorrow.
- Impressive, no?
- You idiot. You're gonna get yourself killed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize
there weren't any magic fans here.
Hey, White Power Bill, he's all right.
White Power Bill can't hear you...
with such dirty ears.
Hey, White Power Bill has dirty ears.
Hey, guys!
Dirty Ears Bill!
Dirty Ears Bill!
And Michael was
about to get a surprise visit ofhis own.
Michael?
Yes? Hi. I'm Michael.
I'm Marta.
You're Marta?
Thank you so much
for taking me to the awards.
Gob said he really appreciated
you coming through for him.
Oh. Sure. Yeah.
This is how I came through, huh?
Listen, Marta...
I hope you don't mind driving.
I took a cab here.
- I just couldn't find my keys.
- Well, my brother may have eaten them.
Look...
Um... I haven't hired
a limo or anything.
- I don't mind.
- I think you might.
Look, I'm an activist too. I appreciate
what you're doing for the environment.
But we're not the only ones
who destroy trees.
What about beavers?
You call yourself an environmentalist?
Go club some beavers.
You don't really
get nature, do ya?
It will be torn down,
with or without you.
Where are the stairs?
Meanwhile, the Desis were underway.
Guillermo Ortiz
como El Rat?n...
Pablo Dominguez
como Pepito...
Felicio Col?n
como Miguelito...
And Lucille was mingling with the elite
of the Latino Television Academy.
Can I get a vodka tonic, please?
I'd like a vodka tonic.
Vodka tonic, please?
A sea of waiters,
and no one will take a drink order.
Buster was also mingling...
but, at Lucille's insistence,
wasn't wearing his glasses.
? C?mo estoy?
Exciting night.
And Lucille Bluth crossed paths
with Lucille Austero.
Lucille?
Lucille!
- Well, aren't you something?
- Oh!
Showing up here
without your husband.
Shame be damned.
Caution to the wind.
That's so sweet, darling.
I'm here to support you.
You're the one who's all alone
and likely to stay that way.
My husband's
just a phone call away.
That's one call per day,
isn't it?
Gee, I should think
he'd wanna save that for his lawyer.
At least he's in prison,
not an urn.
You are so deliciously witty.
Aren't we having fun?
The other Lucille
also suffers from severe vertigo.
Lucille Austero, meanwhile...
perhaps because she'd never seen him
without his glasses...
first took notice of Buster.
Buster, however, failed to notice her...
and she sent him a proposition.
Excuse me, sir.
This is for you.
Huh?
Finally, Marta's category was announced.
?: Yel Desi va a...
Sandra Elena Higuera!
Marta? Hey.
I'm sorry.
You really deserved to win in there.
Did you win?
l-I don't speak Spanish.
It's not about the award.
It's crazy, but I thought
it would make Gob proud.
I'm sure, in his own way,
that he's...
I just think he doesn't understand family.
You know, commitment.
But those are the only things
that matter in life.
At that moment
Michael realized that this was...
the most beautiful woman
he'd ever seen.
For the first time since he lost his wife,
he wanted someone.
At the same moment,
Gob was ready to retrieve the key...
to execute his escape.
Is there a private bathroom nearby?
- You're looking at it.
- No, I can't use that.
No, no, I need privacy.
Yeah, I've always been that way.
No, no, I need privacy.
Yeah, I've always been that way.
I can't go without privacy.
I c... I can't pass this key
without privacy!
Well, I could ask the guys
to leave, but, uh...
they've been
locking the doors lately.
l...
I've made a huge mistake.
Michael was having
a wonderful time with Marta and
didn't want the evening to end...
while Lindsay was bonding
with the man in the tree.
You have no idea
what it's like to save a living thing.
Well, for your information, I do.
My husband, Tobias, and I used to
do this kind of thing all the time.
I guess that's why
I was so attracted to him.
He was a serious
and committed advocate for change.
Where is he now?
At a weekend stage fighting workshop
with Carl Weathers.
But he used to believe in things.
We both used to.
Sorry, Lindsay.
I didn't realize you were up there.
Oh, I'm up here, Mike,
and I'm not coming down!
I'm gonna save this tree,
no matter what it takes.
Okay. I'll see you when you
realize what that bucket's for.
I can see why your mom likes it.
It is a really nice tree...
We've gotta get it torn down.
That must die... stupid tree.
- Buster's out of control.
- Another panic attack?
Me? No. She's just wigged out
because I have a girlfriend.
A waiter hands him a note;
suddenly he's Steve McQueen.
He doesn't even know
what she looks like.
I know she's a brownish area
with points.
And I know I love her.
I'm calling Dr. Miller.
Okay, I don't know
I love her...
but I cannot tell you how liberating it is
to be with someone who's not Mom...
who's nothing like her.
Yeah, and you're just... you're just
jumping right into this, huh?
Oh, yes. Yes.
That's what you do when life hands you
a chance to be with someone special.
You just grab that...
that brownish area by its points...
and you don't let go,
no matter what your mom says.
Mmm!
Good talk.
- Hello.
- Michael. Change of escape plan.
I unplugged
the ice cream sandwich machine...
and the guards are all eating them
before they get too melty...
so I've got like a half an hour.
Meet me at the south prison wall
and bring the stairs.
Michael knew he had
an obligation to his brother.
Michael!
Hey, Gob!
Where the hell are the stairs?
Oh! I thought you were kidding!
Hey, speaking ofkidding,
how serious are you about Marta?
I get the sense that there's not much of
a future there. Am I reading that right?
Let me ask you something. How would
you feel if I came down on you hard?
You're saying
I'm not reading this right.
No, I'm saying
I need to jump on you to break my fall.
- Don't be an idiot. Don't jump on me.
- I have to! Stop moving!
- Come on! Stop moving!
- Don't jump on me!
The guards soon became concerned...
about the paperwork that would be
required of them if Gob actually didjump.
- Don't be such a moron!
- You're making this very, very difficult.
Ohh! God!
This is personal...
Gob. Gob!
Good talk.
I'm a complete failure.
Where'd you get
that kind of talk?
From you.
You always say that about me.
Well, maybe you're not
entirely to blame.
I haven't always been
the best kind of father either.
You've done a pretty good job
of being a father to everybody in here.
What have they got that I don't?
You've never even...
thrown a ball around with me.
Great.
Now you're an athlete.
Lindsay left the tree
to sleep in her own bed...
and Johnny Bark left the tree
to awaken her.
- So, Lindsay, I was thinking...
- Johnny Bark?
- I wanna be with you, Lindsay.
- What?
- And I know you wanna be with me too.
- No, I don't.
But all the things you said about
commitment and believing in things...
that's the way I feel!
johnny, I'm sorry. l...
I didn't mean to lead you on.
I think you're gross.
- Uh-oh.
- My tree.
That's why you never
get out of the tree.
And Gob was about to
get a reason to stay in prison.
You all right?
Not great.
Maybe this'll help.
And for the first time...
Gob had the game of catch with his father
he'd been waiting for his whole life.
Okay, ready?
Put your mitt up.
There you go.
White power!
I'm... white.
And Michael decided
to share his feelings with Marta.
- Michael.
- Marta.
I'm not really quite sure
how to say this, but, um...
- I had a great time last night.
- I did too.
And, um...
we're so in synch
on so many things...
and, uh, l-l...
You guys don't have a machine, huh?
- Sorry.
- Okay.
Hello.
Oh, my God.
Gob has been
stabbed in the back.
- Am I still in prison?
- You're in the hospital.
? Ta-dah?
Meanwhile, Buster
was waiting in the hallway.
Buster?
Oh, Miss Austero.
Wh-What are you doing here?
- A touch of the dizzies.
- Oh. Oh.
So, listen, Buster, have you given
any, uh, thought to my offer?
I'm sorry. What?
Well, my phone
hasn't made a peep.
Ha... Has your hair...
always been that pointy,
Miss Austero?
- It's Lucille.
- Right. Right.
That's my mom's name.
Yes!
Oh, God!
Buster? Buster! Bu...
He... Oh!
I'm all right. I'm all right.
He's fine.
I'll be in the hospital bar.
Uh, you know, there isn't
a hospital bar, Mother.
Well, this is why
people hate hospitals.
You were right, Michael.
Life is too short.
Mine almost ended today.
So I think I'm gonna
work things out with Marta.
- You are, huh?
- Yeah.
Boy, that's, uh...
that's great.
- Hmm. You know what's funny?
- Mmm.
I was gonna walk out of that prison
last night and break up with her.
Good thing you didn't
bring the stairs, huh?
Mmm. Very funny. Yeah.
It's hysterical.
I'm lucky.
- Can I come in now?
- Yeah, sure. He's fine.
Listen, I really appreciate
you helping me out last night.
Well, you know, you gotta put family first.
That's the stupid thing that I believe.
You two keep talking out there,
I'm gonna start getting jealous.
I was really worried about you.
You've got nothing to worry about.
We're gonna be together
for a long time.
We're family now.
I am so happy.
I'm gonna call the kids.
I've made a huge mistake.
On the next Arrested Development...
Gob learns how he survived
his stabbing.
Looks like the shiv would have done
some real damage if it hadn't been for this.
It was in your lower intestine.
So close.
And Buster makes a bold move.
- Buster.
- Let's go for it.