Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Top Banana - full transcript

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Another setback for the once
prominent Bluth family...

as their frozen banana stand...

a Newport Beach landmark
burns to the ground.

A delicious whodunit after this.

A week before the fire...

Michael Bluth was trying
to save the Bluth Company...

- but his father was making it difficult.
- I need the flight records, Dad.



I'm trying to find some money
for the family.

There's always money in the banana stand.

I am having a love affair with this ice
cream sandwich. Want some?

- You wanna take a bite? Take a bite.
- Please. Please.

- Come on. Take a bite. Bite.
- The S.E.C. has locked up our funds.

- These guys aren't messing around.
- No touching!

So I need you to tell me.
Were you taking vacations in the jet?

Is that what you're hiding from me?

I haven't had a vacation in years.
This is my vacation.

I'm exercising.
I'm sleeping well.

- You're doing time.
- I'm doing the time of my life!

- What's up, pumpkin?
- Hey. T-Bone!

- What's up?
- Yeah. T-Bone's my roommate.

- Oh.
- He's a flamer.



- T's checking out today.
- Yeah.

Well, I guess every vacation's
gotta come to an end.

You just made a fool out of yourself
in front ofT-Bone.

Anyway, I want you to give him
a job at the company. Sales.

- I'm not gonna do that.
- Why not?

- Because we don't have any money.
- Because he's a flamer?

- I told you that in confidence.
- You don't seem to understand
I'm running this company now...

and I need the flight records,
and I'm gonna get them...

- with or without your help.
- All right.

No touching!

I got something we can try, all right?
It's a little risky.

- Please.
- Open up.

What do you mean about...

While George Sr. was losing a roommate...

George Michael was having
a hard time adjusting to his new one.

Get up. Get up.
Get up. Get up.

- Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.
- I'm up!

Okay, we are just about
ass to ankles back here, Maeby.

Do you wanna hop on
your cousin's lap there, please?

Whoa, bumpy road ahead.

So, he addressed his problem head-on.

Dad, I wanna work more hours
at the banana stand.

Wow. Huh.
Well, that's great.

You know, I used to be
just like you when I was a kid.

I used to love it there.
- It's gonna be
our best summer ever, Mikey!

Well, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna give you a promotion.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.

Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!

Well, manager.
We just say "manager."

And you can hire an employee
if you need one.

- Do you think I need one?
- Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.

Right. It's up to me now.
I'm Mr. Manager.

- Manager. We just say...
- I know, but you just...

It doesn't matter who.

I don't know what I expected.

What's going on? This is exactly where the two
of you were when I left this morning.

- Is nobody gonna even try to get a job?
- I have a job, Michael.

- It's called supporting my husband.
- You haven't been shopping.

The only thing I found in the freezer
was a dead dove in a bag.

You didn't eat that, did you? 'Cause I've
only got a couple days left to return it.

Died right in the middle
of a show.

- Do you want a cage for that?
- No. I'm a magician.

What is your return policy,
by the way?

Not that I have to defend myself, but
for your information, I did go shopping.

You spent $68
on hair conditioner?

A small price to pay
for self-esteem, Michael.

Or are you still jealous that you lost Best Hair
to me in high school and got Dorkiest?

Lindsay's achievements in high school...

had always overshadowed Michael's.

I agree with Michael. It's important
not to tie your self-esteem...

into how you look or
what people think of you.

I mean, look at me.
I'm an actor.

An actor,
for crying out loud!

You know how much rejection
I face every day?

But in this business of show...

you have to have the heart
of an angel...

and the hide of an elephant.

But you've never actually
had an audition.

Well...

excuse me!

Excuse me.

Some really great spousal support.
You know something, Lindsay?

You might wanna start thinking about the
example you're setting for your daughter...

unless you want her
to end up just like you.

Yeah. Shoot me
when that happens.

Is there a carbon monoxide leak
in this house?

George Michael, you're taking
your cousin to work today.

That's your new employee. I do not want my niece
to end up just like everyone in this family.

Uh-uh. You're not telling my daughter
what to do. She's a child!

No, I'm not. I can work.

I don't know about this. I mean,
it can get pretty hairy in there.

Fine. Do what you want.

If I know my daughter,
that stand won't be there in a week.

You stay on top of her, buddy.

Do not be afraid
to ride her. Hard.

George Michael's attempt
to distance himself...

from his cousin proved unsuccessful.

I can't tell you how many health codes
you're violating right now.

I can't believe
I volunteered for this.

This is my stupidest
rebellion ever.

Hey, do you wanna
go play Skee-Ball?

Wait... This is the cash drawer.

My dad's gonna come by
at the end of the weekend...

and the number of bananas has to match
the amount of money in here.

- Oh, so it all has to even out?
- Exactly.

Easy. Banana.

Buck.

Banana. Take a buck.

And Michael went to his mother
for the flight records...

his father wouldn't give him.

Then why don't you marry
an ice cream sandwich?

- I gotta go.
- Who was that? Was that Dad?

- That was Gob.
- Uh-huh.

- So, Mom, I'm trying to find...
- I don't know where they are.

these flight records.

You know, it's really more
believable if you let me finish.

Why am I the only one that seems to
get how much trouble this family is in?

Oh, I get it, Michael.
I get it.

But how should I know where the records
are kept? Your father's in charge of all that.

No, I'm in charge of all of that.

And I think that you do know
where they are.

Oh, it's probably all in
a storage unit somewhere.

Where is the storage unit?

- I don't remember.
- Try.

Something with "Dale."
I don't know. Brookfeather.

Raintree. It's hot.
It's very hot there.

- I've never been. Get a warrant!
- Don't think I won't.

Mother... Mother, I care
about this family.

And I do, too, my darling.

That's why I'm worried about Gob. I was
on the phone with him this morning.

You mean just now, right?
When I came in?

Yes, just now, when you came in.
And he's upset. He's very upset.

You haven't included him in the business at all.

He's your older brother.
You could find a little job for him.

- Make him feel special.
- But he's not special, Mother.

No.

But he loves you.
We all love you.

- Where's the storage unit?
- It's with your warrant.

Luz, that coat cost
more than your house!

Oh, that's how we joke.
She doesn't even have a house.

The next day, Tobias looked for work.

Hmm. Actor Pull.

Ooh.

Oh, look at all these parts!

Tobias, nice to see you off the couch.

I was looking for work, and I blew it, Michael.

I guess you've already
seen that, huh?

Yes, I have.
Oh, right. This one.

Yeah, I'll call them again,
I guess.

I'll give them one more shot.

And that's when Michael
figured out how to get his mother...

to lead him to the storage unit
where the flight records were kept.

- Hello.
- Hey, Mom, it's Michael. Listen.

Before I forget,
I talked to the I.R. S...

and they wanna come by
your apartment today...

to see if you charged any
big-ticket stuff to the company.

Furs or...

I don't know.
just a heads-up.

Oh, that poor woman.

So Michael followed Luz...

who had been sent
to hide the evidence.

Meanwhile, Tobias had arranged
an audition for a local commercial.

Lindsay came along
to appear supportive.

- This could take a while.
- Honey, it's one line.

Not if I do my job right.

First of all, I love it.
Quick question though.

Am I panicked about the fire,
or am I being brave for everyone else?

The fire...
It's... It's a fire sale.

Oh. Oh.

Okay, I didn't, um...

Well, let's give it a shot.

Oh, my God!
We're having a fire... sale.

Oh, the burning!
It burns me!

Evacuate all the schoolchildren!

?? This isn't a fever!

I can't even see
where the knob is!

And scene.

Um...

Would you like to try that
a little simpler maybe?

No.

Okay. Anybody else?
Anyone?

Lindsay Bluth?

- It's F?nke.
- Roger Danish.

Look at you.
I can't believe it's Lindsay Bluth.

- Oh!
- F?nke.

Roger was my male counterpart
in high school.

Remember how crazy
our hair was back then?

What were we thinking?
So what are you doing now?

- He's, uh, casting my commercial.
- Oh...

Yeah, trying to. The South Coast
Boutique is having a fire sale.

South Coast Boutique?
They're having a fire sale?

Meanwhile, Michael was
still following his mother's housekeeper.

And she did finally
lead him to the storage unit.

Unfortunately, it was on fire.

Somebody wanted this place to go.

- Yeah? What do you mean, arson?
- Oh, definitely the work of a flamer.

It shoots tomorrow,
and are you ready for this?

- It pays 1,000 bucks!
- Mmm. I thought that was Tobias's part.

Yes. No. No,
I did not book this one.

I, uh... I think I made the,
uh, fire too real, uh, for them...

and, uh... and probably failed
to highlight the sale.

So, good for her.
And, uh, will you excuse me, please?

Well, that's great,
but I've got my own problems.

The flight records?
They burned up.

That's fine. That's over with.
But I think Dad is behind it.

I think Dad is trying
to run the business from prison.

Well, isn't that ironic?
I'm making a fortune at my newjob...

and you don't even have
the job you thought you did.

But you don't have a job. You've got a
job offer. Anybody can get a job offer.

So, I'm gonna go see Dad,
because this is my business to run now.

Your business?

Hey, there you are, Gob.

I have been looking all over for you.

I could really use some help.

Well, I was gonna return this dove.

What are you... You want me to run
a meeting for you or something?

Or, even better,
could you mail this letter for me?

You can't just give that
to a mailman?

I can't trust a mailman with this.
This is important.

Gob was intrigued.
He also suspected...

he couldn't return a completely
frozen dove to a pet store...

and get the full refund
he felt he was entitled to.

I'll mail that letter.
- Michael then went
to confront his father.

You are not going to keep
running the company from in here, okay?

That's why you wanted me
to give T-Bone a job?

- To pay him back
for burning down the storage unit?
- Michael, that's ridiculous.

Well, I'm not hiring him. No.
We don't have the money, Pop.

There's always money in the banana stand.

The banana stand! You know, that's
exactly what this feels like. Huh?

Like I'm still stuck in that hot booth
all summer with you pulling the strings.

What was I gonna do, put a kid in charge
of a frozen banana stand?

Sure. That's what I did.
I just made my son the manager.

George Michael is running
the frozen banana stand now?

That's right. Yeah. You sit with that.
You think about that for a while.

George Sr. did think about that.

Well, now that we've got an employee,
we can go have dinner.

We throw away a banana for every buck
we take so no one finds out.

Wait a minute.
I think you should do that math again.

- Why? Is it wrong?
- It's fine.

He's an arsonist, not an embezzler.

Meanwhile, Michael got
an urgent call from his mother.

Gob is unhappy.

Again? I tried to include him.
I gave him a job.

- You gave him a letter to mail.
- Don't tell me that was too much for him.

No, Michael, he mailed the letter.
That's not the point.

Gob had not mailed the letter,
but, in an act of defiance...

dramatically hurled the letter
into the sea.

This proved a more difficult dramatic
gesture than he'd anticipated.

- So what do you want me to do about it?
- Don't take that tone.

He's my son.
I want you to make him stop calling me.

Am I the only one
who works in this family?

Yes, that's my gal.

Who would have imagined... two actors
in one family?

We're like the Lunts!

- You see... Excuse me.
- Mama.

And so, Lindsay and Maeby
separately went to the same restaurant...

to celebrate thejobs
they hadn't actually performed...

with money they
hadn't actually earned.

Did you enjoy your meal, Mom?
You drank it fast enough.

- Hi, Lucille!
- Not as much as you enjoyed yours.

You want your belt to buckle,
not your chair.

Okay, this is what I
told Tobias you'd do.

Say what you will about him.
At least he's happy for me.

You know, I think we might
be doubling our losses here.

Because, I mean, for every dollar you
take, you're actually taking two dollars...

because we paid for the bananas.

Oh, my God, you're right.

I am? Oh, God, I've screwed this up!
Okay, we gotta go.

- Oh, my God! It's your mom and Gangy.
- What are they doing here?

They're grown-ups. They're allowed
to have fun whenever they want.

We're kids. We're supposed to be working.
Now they're gonna tell my dad...

and he's gonna come check the totals
and know we took the money.

- Oh, God, this is bad. What are we gonna do?
- Look.

Pop-pop, he's a business man.
What would he do?

Bananas Foster.

You might wanna let that fire go out
before you stick your face in it.

That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say,
"You might wanna lean away from that fire...

since you're soaked in alcohol."

Mine was better.

Mine was better.

Welcome to Bluth Bananas,
where bananas are our business.

May I interest you
in a banana this day?

- T-Bone, what are you doing here?
- Your dad gave me this job.

Michael realized that his father
had even taken control...

of the banana stand.

But he still had some
unanswered questions...

so he did
a little detective work.

- You burn down the storage unit?
- Oh, most definitely.

Michael, having a nice day
at the beach...

while the rest of us are busting
our asses to deliver your mail?

What do you want me to say?
You go and complain to Mom...

- and I tried to include you.
- Include me?

- Yeah.
- I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.

- Please, do you even wanna be in charge?
- No! But I'd like to be asked.

This is just like when we were kids,
and you were the only one...

- he let work in the banana stand.
- Well, I got news for you.

Dad still doesn't trust me to this day.
He treats me like a low-level employee.

Better than being treated
like the goofball...

the joker, the magician.

I thought you were gonna do,
like, a trick there.

- A fireball or something.
- I was. It didn't go off.

These things never go off when you want them to.

- My least consistent trick.
- Hang on one sec. Hello.

- Hey, Uncle Michael, it's me, Maeby.
- Where's George Michael?

At the banana stand. He's about to do
something really irresponsible.

You think it's irresponsible?
I'll be right there.

- I'm gonna get blamed for this.
- George Michael.

- Dad.
- Hey, what are you doing?

I was just, uh...
I was burning down the banana stand.

- What?
- I'm sorry. I screwed it all up.

I've got no right to
call myself Mr. Manager.

- Manager.
- Manager. I'm sorry, Dad.

- Oh, George Michael.
- I am. But I'll make it up to you.

I'll work weeknights.
I'll lay people off.

I'll give up my summer,
all my summers.

just just tell me what to do,
and I'll do it.

Michael realized he had done
to his son what his father had done to him...

so he came up with a solution.

- Burn it down.
- What?

Let's burn this son of a bitch.

This is gonna be
our best summer ever, buddy.

And so, Michael, his son
and his brother together enjoyed...

the cathartic burning
of the banana stand.

You mailed that
insurance check, right, Gob?

The next morning,
Lindsay woke up late in the day...

hungover from celebrating
her one day of employment...

which, it turns out,
she had slept through.

All right, Lindsay, forget it.
We'll get someone else.

Tobias was next on the call list...

but, unfortunately, couldn't hear the phone...

over the sound of the shower.

He did, however,
use Lindsay's conditioner...

- and was surprised to find that
it did help his self-esteem.
- Mornin'.

- You look nice.
- What?

You look
very handsome today.

Thank you, Lindsay.

And Michael finally got to show
his father who's boss.

- You what?
- Burned it right down to the ground.

Are you crazy?
There was money in that banana stand.

Well, it's all gone now, Dad,
and it was my decision.

So the next time you wanna have
a little power struggle...

just remember that
you're playing with fire.

There was $250,000 lining the walls
of the banana stand.

- What?
- Cash, Michael.

- Why didn't you tell me that?
- How much clearer can I say...

"There's always money
in the banana stand"?

- No touching! No touching!
- No touching!

- No touching! No touching!
- No touching!

On the next
Arrested Development.

Gob protests the pet store's
frozen dove exchange policy.

Return from whence you came!

And, Michael, realizing
the banana stand...

is the only profitable part
of the Bluth empire, decides to rebuild.

You couldn't have called me?
I can't swing a hammer?

I got a rabbit to buy.