Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Staff Infection - full transcript

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Michael had begun to work weekends.

Unfortunately, this interfered
with the Saturday morning bike ride...

he usually took with his son.

So this isn't bad, right?
just like a normal Saturday.

You don't have to drive so slow.
I can ride my bike by myself.

This actually doesn't
go any faster.

I mean, I know you have a lot of work, you know?



It still doesn't mean
I can't hang out with my...

Hang on one second.
This is Michael.

Mom, I'm expecting
a very important phone...

For God's sakes!
I'll be right there.

Dad. Dad!

Nice instincts, son.
Good reflexes.

Back at the model home, Lindsay
awoke late to find her husband missing.

Maeby? Michael? Tobias?

- Work?
- Tobias had recently...

been cast in a movie,
playing the role of a frightened inmate.

I ain't going to squeal, man.

I ain't going to...
Oh, I'm not frightened! God!

Lindsay, say something
to scare me.

... me.



Nope. Nothing.
Thanks for trying though.

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to check myself
into a men's penal colony.

Perhaps your father
could get me in.

Well, if he can go to work,
so can I.

Lucille, meanwhile,
was growing closer...

to her recently adopted Korean son,
whom she called Annyong.

- Much better, Annyong.
- Which isn't a name...

- Annyong.
- but the Korean word for "hello'.

And I guess I can
comb my own hair.

Oh, please.
He's a little boy...

and since he's going to go off
and work for 10 hours...

I want him to look nice.

- Thank you, Lupe.
- You got a job, Annyong?

- Annyong. Annyong.
- Annyong.

At the banana stand.
Oh, his work ethic is unbelievable...

unlike some sons I know.

I'm a scholar.
I enjoy scholarly pursuits.

Suddenly playing with yourself
is a scholarly pursuit.

Hey, Lupe.

- What's wrong with Lupe?
- Oh, she's upset...

because I told her
she couldn't take the day off.

There's a family reunion
in Catalina.

Catalina? We're not going
to Catalina, are we?

Buster had an unfortunate
encounter in a photo booth...

on the wildlife-populated island of Catalina.

No, Lupe is.
You see, for her...

a family reunion might actually
be a pleasant experience.

They've got a bus,
and they want to use the parking lot...

to this building as a meeting place.

I mean, for God's sake,
it's not a hardware store.

We can't have them hanging around like
freeloaders, looking for an easy buck.

What's the emergency, Mom?

- I need money.
- I don't have time for this, okay?

I don't even get to see my own son.
I'm going to work now.

And while you're there,
find out from your assistant, Kitty...

why she didn't send my paycheck.

You get a paycheck
from the Bluth Company?

It's important to the company that
I keep up the image of my lifestyle.

Illusion, Mom.
And I'm the president of that company.

I believe I'm the one that asked you
to start shopping at Quantity Plus.

They made me apply
for a membership card.

- It was humiliating.
- I'll see what I can do for you.

Now that I know I'm the one
that pays Lupe...

I'm giving her
the day off, okay?

Lupe, did you hear that?
Tell your bus driver...

that he can pick up your family
at the Bluth Company parking lot.

- Oh, thank you, Michael.
- My hero.

Anyway, you enjoy
that paycheck when you get it.

It will be the last one
I ever send here.

Does that mean I have to go to your office
to get mine, too, or how's that work?

You gotta be kidding me.
All right. You know what, Buster?

Bob, in the copy room...
he quit today.

If you want your money,
you're gonna have to work for it.

Okay. I accept.
I'll take that job.

I will work in the copy room.

I wouldn't go in there
without knocking, Michael.

Now, I know we've been
putting in a lot of hours...

but we've got to keep our
heads down and power through...

you know, and... and sacrifice.

Don't mind me.

I'm just here to pick up
my paycheck and get out of here.

Guys, go ahead
and take a three.

Lindsay, how can you just come in here
and ask me for a paycheck?

Well, I usually ask Kitty,
uh, but she's not around...

and you're the only one here
I've ever seen before.

- How long has this been going on?
- Dad hired me out of college.

- You quit college.
- Yeah, well, I had a job. What was the point?

You have a job now.
Since Kitty's gone...

you can earn your check
by answering the phones.

Michael, it's Friday.
Everybody coasts on Friday.

- It's actually Saturday.
- Finally. I'm out of here.

- I'll see you Tuesday.
- I'm serious, Lindsay.

- This is why your employees hate you.
- They're actually fond of me.

Okay, guys, back to the staff meeting.

- Uh, Lindsay. Hello. The phones.
- Well, you said "staff."

The zoning committee
feels that we're...

trying to squeeze too many units
onto a lot this size...

and we need to if we want
to make a profit.

So how do we fit
these units on there?

Are these fluorescent lights
bothering anybody else besides me?

That's not what I want to deal with today.

You and I have different
management styles.

I believe work should be fun,
and you try to crush people's spirits.

What's next, Michael?
Are you going to make dancing illegal?

Is this the tiny town from Footloose?

Good point.

Can you go to your desk, please?
Be like Buster.

He's been in the copy room.
I haven't seen him all day.

In fact, Buster had grown anxious...

- in the confined space of the copy room.
- Bob?

Bob?

- Bob?
- Bob?

Bob?

I need a different job.

I'm having real trouble
in a confined indoor space.

- Oh. Hey, coworker.
- How do you feel about working outdoors?

Uh, what else do you have?

At the banana stand,
George Michael was also working.

I thought your dad
worked last weekend.

No, last week he had to finish
planning the new subdivision.

Oh. So did he finish it?

No. Hey, are you trying
to make me feel bad?

- Yeah, I guess. Sorry.
- Yeah.

- I'm just bored.
- That's okay.

I guess he just likes work
more than he likes you.

Tobias went to the prison
in preparation for his own work.

I have a letter of introduction
here from Carl Weathers.

Fortunately, the new warden
was an appreciator of the arts.

It would be an honor to have you
research in this institution.

Oh.

And, if I may...

I have this script
I'd love to get to Carl.

- Okay.
- The warden could easily be black.

- Oh! Yes.
- Okay.

Lets see, now.

187 won't be free
till Tuesday... at midnight.

And I can't put you into 212,
because there's already another actor...

researching a role in there...
Steve Buscemi.

Oh! Re...

Well, l... I would like to bunk
with my father-in-law.

Okay.

Let's get you into wardrobe.

Wow! Prison!

Meanwhile, Michael and Buster
had arrived at the construction site...

and Buster was actually
starting to enjoy himself.

Michael, I'm reinforcing
the header!

That's great, buddy.

Listen, I know that we're
behind on the payroll...

but as soon the zoning committee
gives me their approval...

I know the bank's gonna release the money.

Right now, I'm just asking everyone
to power through, sacrifice.

I'll try, but these guys have been
working too hard not to get paid.

I'll get on it. But until then,
I got Buster here to help.

That's another guy.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

- How did you know I was here?
- I called the office.

You know, that Kitty is starting
to sound pretty damn sexy to me.

- Maybe I oughta...
- That was Lindsay.

- Anyway...
- Yeah.

- What's Busty doing here?
- Michael got me the job.

How did you get him
to do construction work?

The guy's like the world's
biggest chicken.

- I'm not a chicken.
- Yeah, he's not a chicken.

He just doesn't like
confined spaces, that's all.

- I thought it was open spaces.
- No, it's both. But I love it here.

And the language
these guys use... rough!

One of the guys told me to take my head
out of my bottom and get back to work.

My bottom!

What do you want?
You want your paycheck?

I usually get cash
under the table.

- But if you made it out to cash...
- I got bad news for you, Gob.

Hey, pick up the pace, douche bag!

- Michael!
- You too, candy ass!

"Candy ass."

With Michael gone,
Lindsay was taking over.

Thanks, fellas.

We, uh, finished the proposal,
and we're gonna order some pizza.

Um, we were wondering if we could have
two toppings on account it's Saturday.

Well, he's not here,
and since I'm in charge...

I'm taking you all out to lunch...
the whole staff.

- We have to go to lunch!
- We have to go to lunch, you guys.

Come on.
Lets go to lunch.

- What happened to the lights?
- Isn't this better?

Doesn't this just wanna
make you curl up and forget about the world?

Lindsay, we need the light
so that people...

- Where are these people going?
- I'm taking them out to lunch.

Did you reserve a restaurant?

- Are they taking their own cars?
- They'll figure something out.

No, they won't.
You don't have a plan?

I told you, these people are sheep.

All right? They'll wander off,
and you'll lose the sheep.

- You've lost the sheep.
- Oh, they'll be fine.

In the parking lot,
the employees boarded the bus...

Lupe had rented
for her family reunion...

thinking Lindsay had reserved it
to take them to lunch.

Well, I need this proposal. I don't know
how they can walk off and just...

It's right here, Michael.
You weren't here...

and everything got done
while I was in charge.

- See? Not so hard, what you do.
- You just got lucky this once.

You really think I could leave here
and everything would be fine?

I think everything
would be fine but you.

I don't think
you can leave.

If I didn't have that phone call
from the zoning committee...

You'd have no reason to live.
I'll have it forwarded to your cell.

Great. I'll leave.
Not a problem.

I, uh, can spend some time with my son.
So, you're in charge.

- Try not to bring the whole company down.
- Like that's even possible.

So the employees
headed off to Catalina...

providing the surveillance team
that had installed the lighting...

with the opportunity
they needed.

- The place is empty.
- All right. Let's get in there
and bring this company down.

At prison, George Sr.
was making converts to his new way oflife.

You won't regret this,
LittleJustice.

Uh, okay, what say from now on
we call you David Ben-Avram?

What are you doing
to my guy here?

Nothing. I'm just merely
providing him with options.

This yarmulke will protect you,
David Ben-Avram.

Pipe!

I've got worse planned for you
if you keep trying to convert my team.

Hold it. Hold it, now. Wait.
Now, I'm doing no such thing.

Both of our religions
have a lot to offer.

There's theJewish notion of heaven and that...
that it can be attained here on Earth...

and there is your belief in
the cleansing power of the pipe.

No more teaching from you.

No teaching. No teaching.

It was at
that moment that George Sr...

- reunited with his son-in-law.
- Father.

Tobias, what the hell
are you doing here?

I'm here to study with you,
to learn from you.

- Teach me.
- There's no teaching.

- There's no teaching.
- Who is this little...

It's been quite awhile
since anybody called me a tyke...

but, no, I am Dr. Tobias F?nke.

Or, with your help,
Frightened Inmate #2.

And who is this
shiny building of a man?

- Oh, I'm very scared right now.
- Oh, we're starting.

Oh, yes. Let me get
something to write with.

Back at the banana stand,
Annyong had arrived.

It looks like we're gonna have
to restock on nuts tonight, all right?

Now, listen, I know that that's
nobody's favorite Saturday night...

but if we just power through and keep
our heads down, we might be able to...

- Annyong and I are fine here.
I mean, you don't have to...
- Annyong.

You don't have to worry so much.

I mean, obviously, your dad
doesn't want to spend time with you...

but, you know,
go to the beach or whatever.

- He's just not around, okay?
- He no have father?

Older lady adopt him too?

No, he have father.
Father no love him.

No, he love me... loves me.
He loves me.

So, all right.
Maybe I will take a little time off...

and go to the beach or something.

I went to beach once. Next thing
I know, I'm in crate next to pig.

Instead, George Michael
had decided to leave...

for his father's office
and have lunch with him.

Meanwhile, the white collar
Bluth Company employees...

had made it through
the first leg of theirjourney...

and were about to embark on the second.

And Lucille,
taking Michael's advice...

returned home from Quantity Plus
with a problem.

Lupe! Buster?

Annyong? Hello?

With Lupe gone and the rest
ofher family working for once...

Lucille realized
she missed them.

Well, now, who the hell
is gonna unload the car?

Hola. Is Rosa still alive?

No? Hmm.

Okay. This is not my day.

Michael, meanwhile,
stopped by to say hello to his son...

and found out he had
gone to the beach.

So Michael went
to find George Michael...

and also try to figure out
a solution for his space problem.

And then he decided that perhaps he,
too, should try a little relaxation.

Back at the construction site,
Gob was also ready to take the afternoon off.

Screw this!
I have my pride.

I don't care how much
they're paying me.

You got paid? I thought
we were all making sacrifices.

Yeah, well, maybe it's time for some of
those big shots at the Bluth Company...

to start making some sacrifices.

I say we shut down construction!

Hey. Hey, what's happening?
Why are we stopping?

This is fun!
We should do this just for the fun.

Easy for him to say.
He got his paycheck too.

- Unbelievable.
- That's not right.

Come on, you douche bags.
We're all on the same team!

Don't listen to him.
He'll never stand up to the man.

He's a chicken. A chicken.

My whole life you've called me
a chicken, but that's over now.

I have nothing to prove.

That is not how a chicken sounds.
Chickens don't clap!

- Chickens don't clap!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That is not how we settle things on a site.

We got our own way of
finding out who's a chicken...

by a little game
we like to call... "chicken."

I hope you're
up to this, Buster.

This is a game of courage,
a game for men.

Yeah, well, it's a game
I'm ready for!

- Uh-oh. My seat doesn't have a cushion.
- Ready? Go!

Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna need a cushion.

As the Bluths squared off, Lindsay dealt
with the news of the work stoppage.

This wasn't my fault.

- I thought you were Michael.
- So wait. My Dad's not here?

Nope. He went out for lunch to have fun.
But everything's fine.

I mean, if he asks, everything's fine.
My style works.

This place is humming along.

So wait. My Dad said that
he was waiting for a call.

- That he had to stay here.
- Oh, no, he can get that call anywhere.

- I just have to forward it to him.
- Huh.

Hey, would you mind running
things for a little while?

- I'm... I'm not really...
- It's not hard.

So Lindsay headed off to deal...

with the work stoppage
problem at the site.

Lindsay knew Michael would be furious...

ifhe found out
the building had stopped...

so she had to find a way to start it...

and that's when
she saw Lupe's family.

Hey, who's ready
to have some fun?

Uh...

Meanwhile, Michael continued
his relaxation at the beach.

Okay, these units
aren't too close together.

We can get away with this,
right, people?

All right. Just speed it up. Come on.
Keep your heads down. Power through.

Oh, no. Where is...
Where's my phone?

I used it
to dig the "B" unit.

- You what?
- I'll get it.

No, no. You're gonna ruin it!
What am I doing?

- Hello.
- Hi, Dad.

- Hey, George Michael, where are you?
- I'm at the office.

Lindsay put me in charge here
'cause there was nobody here...

and she had to go to
the construction site...

'cause the workers stopped working.

Great. Now we're never gonna finish phase
three, and everything's gonna fall apart.

This whole thing is gonna cave in, and
we're gonna be left with a bunch of...

Great. Now my sand castle
has a giant pool in it.

That's when Michael saw
the solution to his space problem.

I gotta go, buddy.

He's making a sand castle?

George Michael noticed something too.

He knew his father
had always loved him...

but at this moment, he was actually
holding the proof in his hands.

Unfortunately, it was at this moment...

that the investigators went into action.

- There's the kid.
- Our cover's blown. Get out.

- I've got a clean shot over here.
- No!

Get the proof.
He's got the evidence file.

Come on. Come on.
I told you to find a stud. Go!

Back at the construction site, Buster...

and Gob's showdown was
reaching a dramatic conclusion.

Wow. Who won?

And for the first time,
Gob saw his brother as a man.

Let's get back to work, guys.

And Lindsay arrived...

suddenly trying
a new management style.

- What's this now?
- Okay.

So you guys
don't wanna work? Fine.

I've got a stair car full of Mexican
laborers that would love a day's work.

"Laborers"? I'm a professor
of American Studies...

at the University
of Mexico City.

I took a dance class there.

I thought you were taking us to Catalina.
What happened to Catalina?

- You'd bring in scabs, just like that?
- Watch me. Go to work!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're shutting it down.

- Michael, I've solved this.
- No, it's not you.

It's me. It's wrong.
The plan is wrong.

We gotta get rid of
the individual swimming pools...

and put in a great big
communal one right in the center.

Lindsay, you were right. We've all
been working a little bit too hard.

You can't manage by threatening
and pushing people...

and sometimes you have to
reward hard work.

Maybe reward it with a party.

Right. I didn't mean tonight.
just some time in the future...

when we have some
extra food and liquor.

Lupe!

Lupe, I need help
with the groceries!

How about just liquor?

And the two Bluth men finally did relax.

Thanks for coming out. I've been dying
to get some time with you. I really have.

That's okay. I know how much
you care about me.

Unfortunately, so does
the federal government.

- Want more punch?
- Sure.

Wait. The feds?

On the next
Arrested Development.

Tobias gets an insight
into fear.

Well, let's discuss
this bunking situation.

You'll be sleeping
under me for a while.

I sold you for a pack
of cigarettes.

And the employees
find a new direction.

Whoa! Whoa! What are you folks
doin' on this part of the mountain?

- We're lost.
- Well, I can give you a ride back into town.

Come on. Let's go. Buck, Banjo,
get on up here. Come on, boy.

There you go.