Arrested Development (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Pier Pressure - full transcript

Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...

and the one son
who had no choice...

but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Michael Bluth was
talking to his son about his latest test.

- A-minus, huh?
- Proud of me?

Very proud...
minus.

Better go hit the books again.
Get up there.

C-minus.
"C" M-l-N-E-S.

- Did you even study?
- No, I didn't.

Wow. How impressive is that?



The bar for the refrigerator
has been lowered, huh?

Oh, grades are meaningless.

Maeby's last school didn't
even have them.

Back in Boston...

Maeby's parents had enrolled her
in a progressive school...

with its own system of evaluation.

All I'm saying is that you might want
to push her a little bit.

A kid without discipline
can get into some pretty tough stuff.

You think she's gonna suddenly
turn to drugs 'cause she got a C-plus?

Minus. And, yes, I think that, without
boundaries, a kid can get into trouble.

Yeah, sometimes
that could mean drugs.

I think stress
is what leads to trouble...

the kind you put on George Michael,
even when he gets an "A."

Minus. An "A" gets him ice cream.
He knows that.



You're as bad as Dad
with his ridiculous lessons.

George Sr. had used his considerable means...

to stage intricate scenarios...

to teach his children
what he considered valuable life lessons.

- I need help.
- I'll get my gear.

Typically, these scenarios would
involve a man named J. Walter Weatherman...

a one-time employee
who lost his arm...

in a Bluth Company construction accident.

- Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?
- We're out of milk.

I could have got it earlier if someone
would have left a note.

Oh.

Why? If someone
had left a note...

this-this innocent man
would still have his arm.

Why?

And that's why
you always leave a note.

Those lessons worked, didn't they?
We still leave notes to this day.

Oh, that's what that was about.

I thought he was trying
to get us off dairy.

- I need a favor.
- What happened to, "Hello. I need a favor"?

I owe Hot Cops 500 bucks.

- "Hot Cops"?
- It's the stripping agency I used to work for.

- Cop uniform.
- Right.

I might have been
just a little too believable.

Police! Open up!

Anyway, they're claiming
that I never delivered on the gig.

- I'm not an A.T.M.
- I keep forgetting how hilarious you are.

- Shh, shh, shh! You're making it worse.
- Am I?

I'm gonna give you the cash, but, in return,
I get to ask you for a favor sometime.

My gut is telling me "No,"
but my gut is also very hungry.

All right. I'll do it.

Michael then left
for his mother's apartment...

where she greeted him with
some not-so-surprising news.

- I need a favor.
- We ought to put that on our family crest.

- Oh, Michael...
- Spare me.

The S.E.C. is making me
inventory everything I own.

They want me to prove no new purchases
have been made with company money.

- And there haven't been, right?
- Not after we doctor all these receipts.

I can't help you, Mom.
I've got a job.

I gotta make some money so you can
buy more things and destroy the evidence.

You're right.
I'll ask Lindsay.

- Hey, Buster.
- Hey, Brother.

- You headed over to your girlfriend's?
- Yeah. She's down again.

Buster's girlfriend, Lucille Austero,
suffers from chronic vertigo...

which she has been trying to fight
without the use of medication.

Her nausea's gotten really bad.
It's really been difficult on us.

It's definitely taking its toll.

You know you're free to go. It's not like
you made a commitment to this woman.

Well, I didn't make
a "commitment."

- I did refer to it as our nausea.
- Mm.

But you know, that's when
we were goin' at it really hot and heavy.

Well, now it's my nausea.

Later, Lucille stopped by
the model home...

Later, Lucille stopped by
the model home...

to enlist her daughter's help
cataloging her valuables.

- I can't.
- Why not?

Because I'm... Don't want to.

Maybe I don't feel like being criticized
around-the-clock.

I don't criticize you.
And if you're worried about criticism...

sometimes a diet
is the best defense.

- Oh, hey, Gangy.
- Hi.

- D-plus. Sign this.
- This is a D-minus.

- Either way, it's above a "D," right?
- Another world-beater.

And Lindsay realized she needed
to take a firmer hand with her daughter.

- I'm not signing this.
- Fine. I will.

Is "Lindsay"
with an "A" or an "E"?

Okay, I know you got a "crocodile" in spelling,
but this has gone too far.

I hate to say it,
but Michael might be right.

You need to learn
a little discipline.

Hmm. Nope, that doesn't feel right.

No, no, no.
I'm telling you.

You are now punished.
I punish thee.

Are you serious?

What could you possibly come up with
that would punish me?

Oh, I have to come up
with another thing?

Oh, Lindsay, before I go,
I just have one word for you.

"Sleeves."

You're going to spend the day
working for your grandmother.

No. No, that's not the answer,
because you...

What? No! You stupidjerk!
Why don't...

Dumb. Dumb.
Dumb, George Michael.

- Dumb, dumb.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calm down, you two.
It's just a math problem.

If I fail math,
there goes my chance at a good job...

and a happy life full of hard work,
like you always say.

Maybe I'm pushing you too hard.

You're all stressed-out.
Your eyes are all red.

Why don't you take the night off.
just shut the book.

Go ahead.
just close the book.

Go ahead.

Your finger is still in the book.

George Michael.

Buster, meanwhile,
was still worried about Lucille 2...

whose condition
seemed to be worsening.

You okay?
How's your nausea?

"Our."

I mean, our... our nausea.

He remembered a study
he took part in...

on medical marijuana
and its effects on nausea.

The subject took the drug
in the form of a T.H.C. pill.

Nausea was then induced
with a day at the carnival...

which is what attracted Buster
to the experiment in the first place.

Buster was found
two days later...

trying to eat his way
through this enormous plaster donut.

So Buster went to the toughest,
most streetwise kid he knew.

- Tell your friends.
- Hey, Nephew. I was looking
for you at your home.

- Dad told me to take the day off,
so I decided to come into work.
- Oh.

I thought maybe you could
help me get some weed.

It's not for me.
It's for Lucille 2, my girlfriend.

She's your girlfriend?
Dad said you were her nurse.

Look, she's sick.
This could help her.

Pillform would actually be fantastic.

I could put it on a tea biscuit,
tell her it's a marshmallow.

I have no idea where to get something
like that. What makes you think I would?

You work here.
This place is pot central, right?

In the '70s,
the boardwalk was the place...

to buy marijuana
in Newport Beach.

The stand served
as a convenient meeting place...

because of the banana's resemblance
to a yellow marijuana cigarette.

- It had even inspired a song.
-? Big yellowjoint
The big yellowjoint?

? I'll meet you down
at the big yellowjoint?

I'm sorry. I can't help you.
Why don't you just ask Uncle Gob?

Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?

No. No.
He'd never do it.

Besides, he always makes fun of me
for dating Lucille.

- Everybody does.
- That's horrible.

You could tell Gob for me,
but you can't tell him it's for me.

- You can't tell anybody.
- I'm working.
- George Michael.

What are you doing here?
I thought I told you to take the day off.

- There's nothing to do. Maeby's at Gangy's.
- Find something to do.

Go make mistakes,
get in trouble... be young.

Yes! I totally agree.
Make a mistake.

Here. Here's 20 bucks.
I want you to close up shop and go crazy.

Go find yourself something
to buy that you don't need.

Absolutely. Here.
Take 225 from me.

? Big yellowjoint
Big yellowjoint?

? I'll meet you down
at the big yellowjoint?

Maeby was working
with her grandmother.

And this is from when your Pop-Pop
yelled out, "Oh, Melanie..."

when he was making love
to Gangy.

This is so much fun. I can't believe my mom
thought being here would be a punishment.

Oh, she thinks I'm too critical.
That's another fault of hers.

Ah, yes.

The week we had the au pair.

You know, your mother
always wanted this brooch.

- Really?
- Do you want it?

I do now. That'll show her
for trying to punish me.

Oh. Pretty.
It'll distract from the freckles.

George Michael nervously
approached the family yacht...

Gob had been staying on.

- Uncle Gob?
- When he saw the yacht was empty...

George Michael... as he'd been trained
to do since childhood... left a note.

Back at the model home...

Gob showed Michael the note
he'd found at the dock.

- No. This can't be from my son.
- It is his handwriting.

Plus he left me $200.

$100.

100. I accidentally said 200.
I don't know...

- This is impossible. Why would he do this?
- I know. I was shocked.

Really, a hundred dollars. You can't
get good weed for a hundred bucks.

Anyway, here you go.

Now we are even on you
paying off that Hot Cops thing.

- Might just be a few stems...
- Get that out of this house.
What's the matter with you?

Maybe you should
save the lectures for your son...

if he can remember them.

I speak to Lindsay one time about her
hippie parenting, and I end up with a hippie.

- It does seem pretty quick.
- For all I know, this has been goin' on forever.

He's been stressed, his eyes have been red,
his grades are dropping.

- Heard about the A-minus.
- I'm gonna go find out what's going on.

- Hey, what you doin'?
- Nothing.

No? So, listen, your, uh,
your Uncle Gob...

seems to think that he saw you
down at the docks today.

- Was that you?
- No, no.

Maybe it was the other George Michael...
the singer-songwriter.

- Yeah, that makes sense.
- Yeah.

What'd you do
with the, um...

with the money Buster and I gave you
to go have fun with?

I put that
in my savings account.

- Is that right?
- Yeah. Save up.

- Okay. Thanks for being honest.
- Yeah.

He's lying to me.
Can you believe that?

Where the hell
is this family's morality?

I don't know.

- What...
- It's cold out here.

What do I do now? If I confront him,
he's gonna lie to me again.

- Should I yell at him?
- Didn't Dad teach us that
we don't yell in this family?

Tell me before you hit the gas.

I can't hear you!

The kids are yelling.

Tell me before you hit the gas.

I guess you're saying,
"Hit the gas."

Don't! Wait! No!

That's why you don't yell.

Yeah, yelling's
not a good way to go.

I got a better idea.

You wanna teach
George Michael a lesson?

Yes, I do, and it's gotta stick. He's getting
into drugs, Dad, and he's lying to me.

That doesn't sound
like the boy.

It's my fault.
I've been pushing him too hard.

- It's just... Dumb, dumb. Dumb, Michael.
- Hey, hey.

- Dumb.
- Shh, shh, shh. I forgive you.

I don't want your forgiveness. I want the guy
with the one arm and the fake blood.

- J. Walter Weatherman...
how do I get ahold of him?
- He's, uh, dead.

You killed him when you left the door open
with the air conditioner running.

For God's sake. He's not dead.
I need to do this soon, tonight.

Down by the docks... I'm gonna make it
like a drug deal went bad.

Tonight? No. It's Yontif.
It's the first night of Yom Kippur.

Dad, that's just... That's one night,
and it's back in September.

That's okay.
You've only been a Jew about two days.

- Just try to talk to him.
- Like you talked to me when I was growing up?

- I thought you hated those lessons.
- I did, but they worked.

- And they will work again.
- Well, I'm done with them,
because it was wrong, Michael.

- Come on.
- Your son is a timid, thoughtful boy.

He's a scholar, like his grandfather.

What time is it?
Oh, almost sundown.

I have to prepare for the Sabbath.

- It's Tuesday.
- Shh, shh, shh.

Lindsay went to see
how her own attempt at parental
discipline was coming along.

So, having fun?

- Where'd you get that brooch?
- Gangy. Nice, huh?

That was supposed to be for me.
She was my au pair.

I'm the one who cleared my throat
and pointed to the laundry room.

Ma! You know I wanted that.

I know, but it's an elephant...

and I didn't want
to invite the comparison.

Nice.

In any event, your punishment is over.
Come on. Let's go.

She's not going anywhere.
We're having fun.

- Here, Maeby. Try this on.
- I see.

Fine. I was gonna
take her out for ice cream...

but if you'd rather stay here,
well, that's just fine with me.

We could go get
some ice cream, Gangy.

- That would be fun, right?
- I don't think so.

That chubby little wrist
of yours...

is testing the tensile strength
of this bracelet as it is.

Maeby decided that perhaps
she'd had enough ofher grandmother.

Maeby. Maeby?

Hey, Gob. It's Michael. I figured out a way
for you to repay that favor.

Dad wouldn't help me
teach George Michael the lesson...

so I need your help
and your Hot Cop friends.

- I wanna fake a drug bust.
- Michael, these guys are real dancers.

They've never done
any hot policing.

They don't even need to be hot. They just
need to show up in those uniforms.

And so, Michael's plan
was put into motion.

- Where have you been?
- What?

I am like a caged animal.

My old lady's on the floor, man.

I am not s-ing around.

Yeah. Gob just called.
He's got the stuff at the yacht.

- Oh, great. Let's go.
- No. I think my dad's onto this.

- I'm out. I'm not...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on.

Gob will never give it to me.

My woman is sick. Please?

Later that night, Michael
made the final arrangements with Gob.

All right, Gob, is this
gonna be believable?

I want him scared.
I love this kid.

These guys are pros.
They're gonna push the tension...

to the last possible moment
before they strip.

They're not going to strip,
are they?

I told them not to, but I can't promise
that their instincts won't kick in.

- Unbelievable.
- Trust me. It's gonna be totally real.

This kind of thing goes on
all the time out here.

Boats wait offshore,
lights are flashed.

A guy comes over
and drops off a bag.

It's gonna freak
the little bastard out.

Michael went off to hide...

while Buster and George Michael
arrived as planned.

I really appreciate
you doing this for me.

You're making a very
miserable person happy.

She really feels awful, huh?

Oh. Oh, I was talking
about me.

But, yeah, she's a mess.
Be careful.

- Uncle Gob?
- George Michael.

- You weren't followed, were you?
- No, I don't think so.

All right, kid.

Let's deal some drugs.

What are you doin'?

Flashing the lights...
so the dealer knows what's goin' down.

- Now we wait.
- How long?

Who knows?
An hour.

- Maybe five.
- Drug delivery!

You wanted some marijuana?

No, not me.
My nephew did.

Show me the money.

- Show us the pot.
- I got it right here.

- Oh, my God.
- Nice, right?

Okay, you can put your shirt down, Derek.
just give him the stuff.

So. We have a deal.

We have a deal.

He's ruining his life!

- Police officers! Freeze!
- What? Oh, no! It's the cops!

- And a construction worker.
- Let's get this party started.

- Aren't you guys gonna cuff him?
- You wanted handcuffs?

All right. George Michael,
I hope you learned your lesson, pal.

Okay.

Okay, all right. Thank you. Thank you.

- What is this?
- This is a lesson.

Maybe I pushed you
into this, but...

I love you too much to see you
ruin your life with that crap.

- But it wasn't for me.
- Then who was it for?

Who? Give me a name.

- Okay, it was for me.
- Yeah.

I was gonna smoke the marijuana
like a cigarette.

Now you're looking at a nice big, fat punishment.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry. Ooh! Uh...

- What are you doing here?
- The, uh... The boy was lookin' out for me.

- What?
- It-It's for my girlfriend. She's sick.

Why don't you just wait it out?
She's gonna be gone soon.

- Oh, that's it.
- Hey!

Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?

- Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?
- Hey! Buster!

What's the matter with you?
Easy.

Is that true?
Why didn't you tell me this?

You're always telling me
to do the right thing... put family first.

You know, it is unbelievable
that you'd ask my son to score you pot.

Why don't you drive him home,
and you and I will talk about this later.

- Go ahead. Go with Buster.
- I'm sorry.

- Hey, what are you guys doin'?
- We got your signal. You flashed the lights.

We got the drugs.
You got the money?

No, no. No, no, no, no.
We're all good.

We just want the money,
You wanna make this ugly?

We were just teaching the young fellow
a lesson. We don't want any trouble with you.

- Thanks very much.
- Do you know who you're dealin' with?

Drop the boxes! Put your hands in the air.

- What is this?
- We had nothin' to do with this!

- You set us up!
- No, no! These are just strippers!

- Look how hot they are!
- Everybody take a breath!

Oh, my God! My arm!

Oh, my God!
This guy's arm...

just came off
and landed on the dock.

Michael realized
that his father had, once again...

taught him an elaborate lesson.

And that's why you don't
teach lessons to your son.

How could you do that to me?

I told you he's a good kid. You should try
talking to him when you think he's in trouble.

Don't make the same mistake I did,
you know... teaching lessons.

So you taught me a lesson
not to teach lessons?

It was my last lesson.

- Back home.
- Back from your wonderful time with Gangy?

Well, actually, it wasn't so wonderful.
She can be kinda nasty.

But I'll tell you somethin'.

I'm glad you're my mom.

Oh, um,
I got you something.

- You're giving me this?
- You deserve it.

I can't believe you had
to put up with her your whole life.

Honey, this is so sweet.

Let's celebrate and go shopping.

- You knew the whole time, didn't you?
- Kind of.

One of the Hot Cops
is my choir teacher.

I'm sorry about all this.
It's just you were so stressed out...

and I guess I got scared and...

I should learn to talk with you
a little bit more, huh?

- I think we're okay.
- We are, aren't we?

You know there's nothing you can't
be totally honest with me about.

You can say anything to me,
anything at all.

Like, say, I had a crush
on my own cousin.

Hey.

- You just taught me a lesson.
- Oh.

-? Big yellowjoint
The big yellowjoint?
- All right. We're even.

? I'll meet you down
at the big yellowjoint?