Are You Being Served? (1972–1985): Season 3, Episode 5 - Wedding Bells - full transcript
Dispute reins in the department as Mrs.Slocomb refuses to sell a new line of underwear. Her complaints are dismissed by both Captain Peacock and Mr.Rumbold. Mr.Grainger is still hostile towards Mrs.Slocomb for taking up half of the floor space for her ladies department. But then, Mr.Grace announces that he plans on marrying someone in the store. He then asks Mrs.Slocomb to tea with him in order to discuss the matter of a ring. Everyone automatically thinks Mr.Grace will propose and Mrs.Slocomb gets dressed up for the occasion while the rest of the staff wonder what their futures may hold with Mrs.Slocomb in charge.
( cash register rings )
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
- ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
- I WAS LOOKING FOR A SWEATER.
CERTAINLY, SIR.
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A BOWLER HAT.
MR. LUCAS, IS
MR. HUMPHRIES FREE?
YES. MR. HUMPHRIES,
ARE YOU FREE?
- I'M FREE, MR. LUCAS.
- MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE,
MR. GRAINGER.
- THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS. CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- YES, MR. GRAINGER?
- MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE.
- THANK YOU, MR. GRAINGER.
MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE, SO HE'LL
ATTEND TO YOU. MR. HUMPHRIES, FORWARD.
ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR?
THANK YOU, MADAM.
THE BILL IS INSIDE.
IF THE GARMENT DOESN'T
GIVE YOU EVERY SATISFACTION,
PLEASE BRING IT BACK
BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY
HERE TO BE OF SERVICE.
IT HAD GOT TO BE HALF PAST
9:00 AND I WAS ALL DRESSED.
I'D BEEN DRESSED FOR AN HOUR
AND HE STILL HADN'T ARRIVED.
- HE STOOD YOU UP?
- MEN DON'T STAND ME UP,
MISS BRAHMS, OH NO.
I EXPECT HIS CAR
HAD BROKEN DOWN.
IT DID THE LAST
TIME WE HAD A DATE.
AND HE APOLOGIZED MOST HUMBLY
WHEN I BUMPED INTO
HIM A WEEK LATER.
OH, SO YOU WERE ALL DRESSED
UP AND NOWHERE TO GO?
NO, NO, NO.
MRS. AXELBY AND I WENT
DOWN TO THE PALAIS.
IT WAS THE "OVER 25s" NIGHT.
DID YOU PICK ANYBODY UP?
WE DIDN'T GO FOR
THAT, MISS BRAHMS.
I MEAN, DID ANYONE COME
UP AND ASK YOU TO DANCE?
NO, I DON'T ENCOURAGE
THAT SORT OF THING.
ANYWAY, I DIDN'T LIKE THE
LOOK OF ANY OF THE MEN THERE.
AFTER WE'D STOOD BY THE DANCE
FLOOR FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES...
SUSSING IT OUT, YOU KNOW...
WE WENT INTO THE BAR.
OH, YOU DIDN'T GET
SLOSHED AGAIN?
CERTAINLY NOT.
WE JUST HAD A
FEW GIN AND TONICS.
ONE OF THE TONICS I
HAD MUST HAVE BEEN BAD.
THEY ARE SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW.
BUT ANYWAY, I
CAME OVER ALL DIZZY.
MRS. AXELBY HAD
TO PUT ME TO BED.
ICES! ICES! ( chuckles )
HERE WE ARE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
12 PAIRS OF 30 DENIER TIGHTS.
UNLUCKY FOR SOME.
12 PADDED BRAS.
WHO'S KIDDING WHO?
FINALLY, 24 PAIRS
OF NOVELTY BRIEFS
KNOWN TO SUCH COMMON
PERSONS AS MYSELF
AS " NAUGHTY KNICKERS."
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, MR. MASH?
HERE. LOOK AT THAT.
OH, IT'S GOT WRITING ON.
WHAT DOES IT SAY, MISS BRAHMS?
"IF YOU CAN READ THIS,
YOU'RE TOO CLOSE."
- HOW DISGUSTING!
- IT'S TRUE.
- WHAT ABOUT THEM, THEN?
- OOH-HH!
HANDY.
THEN THERE'S THESE.
THESE COME IN FOUR MODELS.
"HELLO, CHEEKY,"
"I LOVE ELVIS,"
"YOUR FLIES ARE UNDONE,"
AND, "NO PARKING."
DID YOU EVER SEE
ANYTHING LIKE IT IN YOUR LIFE?
MY BOYFRIEND BOUGHT
ME A PAIR OF THOSE ONCE,
BUT I WOULDN'T WEAR THEM.
WHAT DID THEY SAY?
"IN CASE OF
EMERGENCY, PULL DOWN."
THAT MUST BE WORTH A £5 FINE.
THAT'LL BE QUITE ENOUGH
OF THAT, THANK YOU, MR. MASH.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
I CERTAINLY AM, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU A MOMENT,
I HAVE TO SEE MR. RUMBOLD.
I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE
TO DISPLAY THESE.
YOU'RE NOT BEING ASKED
TO WEAR THEM, ARE YOU?
CERTAINLY NOT. I WOULDN'T PUT
THEM ON FOR A THOUSAND POUNDS.
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU
TAKE THEM OFF FOR, THEN?
MR. MASH, GET BACK
TO YOUR BASEMENT.
I SEE, WORKERS NOT ALLOWED
TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, EH?
EH? EH? COR BLIMEY,
IT'S MARVELOUS.
ANYWAY, MATE, WE HAVE OUR
LAUGHS, DON'T YOU WORRY.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE WHAT THEY'VE WRITTEN
ABOUT YOU ON THE WALLS OF OUR KHARZI.
SEE HERE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
I REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO
DO WITH THESE VULGAR GARMENTS.
THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD.
PROGRESS HAS TO
MARCH ON, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
NOT WEARING THOSE, IT DOESN'T.
I HAVE TO REMIND YOU
THAT YOU ARE ALL PAID
TO SELL THE GOODS PURCHASED
BY THE BUYING DEPARTMENT.
AND IF I DON'T?
NO ONE IS IRREPLACEABLE.
( gasps )
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
STAND FOR THAT, ARE YOU?
I VERY NEARLY SAID SOMETHING VERY
CUTTING AND RUDE, I CAN TELL YOU.
I BET. WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
I'VE A GOOD MIND TO
HAND IN MY RESIGNATION.
- YOUR RESIGNATION?!
- SHH, STOP! NOT SO LOUD.
IT'S YOU, SIR, DEFINITELY YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK SO, MR. LUCAS?
YES, IT'S DEFINITELY
THE CUSTOMER.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE TIGHT TO ME.
THEY ARE BEING WORN
TIGHT THIS YEAR, SIR.
PARTICULARLY THAT ONE.
I WANTED IT FOR GOLFING.
IT WOULD BE VERY GOOD,
SIR. IT KEEPS YOUR ARMS STIFF.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY A SWING, SIR?
OH, YOU HAVE A LOVELY
MOVEMENT THERE.
YES, WELL, I DO HAVE A
VERY SMALL HANDICAP.
OH, DO YOU?
WE COULD PROBABLY FIND A PAIR
OF TIGHT TROUSERS TO GO WITH IT.
THANK YOU.
IT GRIPS ME UNDER THE ARMS.
THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION
IN THAT SHETLAND WOOL, SIR.
IT'S THE NERVOUS SHEEP.
THEY LIVE NEAR A FIRING RANGE.
THANK YOU. WHY DON'T YOU
TRY ANOTHER SWING, SIR?
YES.
IT'S VERY GOOD FOR DRIVING.
HOW IS IT FOR PUTTING?
IT'S PULLING.
PERHAPS IT'S THE WAY
YOU'RE HOLDING THE CLUB, SIR?
YOU MUST REMEMBER, IT WILL
STRETCH AFTER THE FIRST WASH.
I THOUGHT WOOL ALWAYS SHRANK.
NO, THAT'S A POPULAR
MISCONCEPTION, THAT.
YOU ONLY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
IT TO SEE IT COULDN'T BE TRUE.
OTHERWISE EVERY TIME IT RAINED, THE
SHEEP WOULD GET SMALLER, WOULDN'T THEY?
NO, I DEFINITELY
NEED THE NEXT SIZE.
WE HAVEN'T GOT THE NEXT SIZE.
WE MUST HAVE THE NEXT SIZE.
- WE'VE ONLY GOT A 48.
- THAT'S THE NEXT SIZE.
NEXT SIZE COMING
UP, MR. HUMPHRIES.
HERE WE ARE, SIR. HOW'S THAT?
- WHERE'S HE GONE?
- ALLOW ME.
THERE, SIR.
THERE'S NOT MUCH IN IT, REALLY.
DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE LONG?
THEY ARE BEING WORN
LONG THIS YEAR, SIR.
IT'D BE GOOD FOR YOUR HANDICAP.
YOU MUST REMEMBER, IT WILL
SHRINK AFTER THE FIRST WASH.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID
WOOL DOESN'T SHRINK.
- THAT'S PURE WOOL.
THIS IS HALF WOOL AND HALF
EXTRUDED MAN-MADE FIBER.
THE EXTRUDED BIT
SHRINKS IN HOT WATER.
THE MAN-MADE BIT
SHRINKS IN COLD WATER.
THERE'S NO POINT IN WEARING
IT AT ALL UNTIL YOU'VE WASHED IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. I'LL TAKE IT.
- SALE, MR. LUCAS.
- IT WAS A VERY NEAR THING,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
- LET ME HELP YOU
OUT OF THE SMALL ONE.
- THANK YOU. WOULD YOU?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE, SIR?
I'M STUCK!
MR. HUMPHRIES, WOULD YOU MIND
HOLDING THE GENTLEMEN'S REAR
WHILE I PULL FROM THE FRONT?
WITH PLEASURE, MR. LUCAS.
IT'S LIKE PULLING A
CHRISTMAS CRACKER, ISN'T IT?
I WONDER WHO'S GOING
TO GET THE NOVELTY?
THERE WE ARE, SIR.
IT'S GONE!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- IT'S GONE!
- WHAT'S GONE?
MY TOUPEE. YOU'VE LOST IT!
OH! OUR ADA.
ARE THEY ATTENDING TO YOU, SIR?
THEY ARE LOOKING FOR MY VERY
EXPENSIVE UNDETECTABLE HAIRPIECE.
WE'RE HAVING
TROUBLE DETECTING IT.
I BET IT'S IN THE JUMPER.
AH.
OH.
SHOULD WE COMB IT NOW,
OR AFTER YOU'VE PUT IT ON?
GIVE IT TO ME.
OH, TAKES YEARS OFF YOU.
IS IT... IS IT ALL RIGHT?
YES.
NOT QUITE AS
UNDETECTABLE AS IT WAS.
WHAT OTHER COLORS DID THEY HAVE?
YES, I CERTAINLY MADE MY
POINT TO CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
"I'M HAVING NOTHING TO DO
WITH THOSE THINGS," I SAID.
HE MUST HAVE TOLD RUMBOLD,
'CAUSE HE'S BRINGING HIM OVER.
HE WOULDN'T SNEAK, WOULD HE?
RUMBOLD'S LOOKING VERY UGLY.
LOOK AT THE START HE'S GOT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, MISS
BRAHMS, ONE MOMENT PLEASE.
YES, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
SOMETHING QUITE SHOCKING
HAS COME TO MY EARS.
I THOUGHT THAT HAPPENED
WHEN HE WAS BORN.
I'M AFRAID I HAD TO TELL
MR. RUMBOLD ABOUT YOUR...
INSUBORDINATE ATTITUDE.
THERE ARE SOME KNICKERS
THAT I WILL DISPLAY,
AND SOME THAT I WON'T.
THOSE I WON'T ARE
STAYING IN MY DRAWERS.
I SEE.
MISS BRAHMS BACKS
ME UP IN THIS, DON'T YOU?
YES, AND MRS. SLOCOMBE FEELS SO STRONGLY
ABOUT IT, SHE'S PREPARED TO RESIGN.
- IS THIS TRUE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE?
- WELL...
WHAT I MEANT WAS
THAT I SHALL HAVE TO
CONSIDER IT VERY CAREFULLY.
- VERY WELL.
- I HAVEN'T HAD TIME
TO CONSIDER IT YET!
I DO THINK THAT SOMEONE WITH
MY EXCELLENT SALES RECORD
SHOULD BE ALLOWED
SOME DISCRETION
AS TO THE STUFF I PUSH.
DON'T YOU AGREE
WITH ME, MR. GRAINGER?
IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
SINCE YOU PUT
FOOT ON THIS FLOOR.
YOU TWO-FACED OLD CRAB.
( gasps )
I TAKE IT YOU DON'T SUPPORT
MRS. SLOCOMBE, MR. GRAINGER?
IF SHE WANTS TO RESIGN, LET HER.
WE CAN DO WITH THAT SPACE
TO EXPAND OUR TROUSERS.
OUR TROUSERS HAVE
BEEN RATHER RESTRICTED
SINCE THE LADIES ARRIVED.
BURSTING AT THE SEAMS, YES.
THAT AREA HAS BEEN DEVOTED TO
OUR TROUSERS FOR OVER 25 YEARS.
IN THOSE DAYS, BEFORE
THE LADIES ARRIVED,
IT WAS KNOWN AS "BARGAIN BAGS."
NOW THEY'RE HERE, IT STILL IS.
I MUST SAY, IN
MR. GRAINGER'S DEFENSE,
THAT HIS SALES HAVE GONE DOWN
SINCE THE LADIES TOOK
OVER HALF THE FLOOR.
PERHAPS BECAUSE
HE'S A BIT PAST IT.
PAST IT? PAST IT?!
A GLASS OF WATER
FOR MR. GRAINGER.
GLASS OF WATER COMING UP.
TELL THAT WOMAN I'M
SEVERING MY CONNECTIONS.
SHOULD I CANCEL THE
GLASS OF WATER, THEN?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW
WHY MR. GRAINGER'S
BLOWING OFF AT ME.
IT WASN'T MY IDEA TO
MOVE INTO HIS TROUSERS.
YES, HE'S BEING UNCOMMONLY RUDE.
IT WAS A GREAT
SHOCK TO MR. GRAINGER
TO SUDDENLY FIND
LADIES IN HIS TROUSERS.
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO BAD IF
IT HAD BEEN SPORTS EQUIPMENT.
I HAD NO IDEA MRS.
SLOCOMBE'S UNDERWEAR
WAS CAUSING SO MUCH FRICTION.
NEITHER DID I.
ANYWAY, I COULD EASILY GET A TOP
JOB SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU KNOW.
HARRODS HAVE BEEN MAKING
SOME VERY INTERESTING OVERTURES.
WHAT FOR, THE PIANO DEPARTMENT?
I ALSO HAVE VERY
GOOD CONNECTIONS
WITH MARSHALL & SNELLGROVE.
THE BEAUTY DEPARTMENT
AT SWANN AND EDGARS
HAVE MADE ME A VERY
INTERESTING OFFER.
WHAT WAS IT, A FREE FACELIFT?
THAT'S IT! I'M GOING.
UH, CAPTAIN...!
- MR. GRAINGER,
DON'T STOP HER.
- OH, NO.
I WAS JUST GOING
TO RING FOR THE LIFT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, YOU CAN'T
GO WITHOUT YOUR HAT AND COAT.
I'M NOT GOING OUTSIDE.
I'M GOING UP TO SEE
YOUNG MR. GRACE.
I'M GOING TO PUT MY POINTS
BEFORE HIM PERSONALLY.
GOOD MORNING, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
GOOD MORNING, MR. GRACE.
All: GOOD MORNING, MR. GRACE.
MAY I SAY, MR. GRACE, THAT
IT DOES OUR HEARTS GOOD
TO SEE YOU LOOKING
SO FLAMBOYANT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO SHOW YOU, MR. GRACE.
- YES, YES.
WE DON'T WANT A SCENE
HERE. KEEP HIM TALKING.
MAY I SUGGEST, SIR, ONE
OF OUR SILK HANDKERCHIEFS
FOR YOUR TOP
POCKET? ( snapping )
THERE, SIR. THAT'S QUITE A
GOOD MATCH, I THINK YOU'LL AGREE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT, MR. GRACE?
OH, I PREFER IT.
DON'T YOU AGREE?
- YES, OF COURSE.
- YES, MR. GRACE.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
QUIET FOR MR. GRACE.
YOU MAY ALL BE SURPRISED TO KNOW
THAT I'VE BEEN A WIDOWER
NOW FOR 40 YEARS.
( imitating Mr. Grace ) ♪ AND IT
DON'T SEEM A DAY TOO MUCH... ♪
( low ) MR. LUCAS...!
YET THERE'S SOMEBODY
HERE IN GRACE BROTHERS
WHO I'VE HAD MY EYE
ON FOR SOME TIME.
I'M SURE THAT ANY LADY WHO
HAS ATTRACTED YOUR ATTENTION
MUST HAVE GREAT
QUALITIES, MR. GRACE.
SHE WILL INDEED
BE A LUCKY LADY, SIR.
SHE'LL HAVE LOTS
OF LOLLY AND ALL.
AND SHE WON'T HAVE
LONG TO WAIT FOR IT.
TO SUM IT UP, THE MAXIMUM OF ONE
THING, THE MINIMUM OF THE OTHER.
MAY WE BE PERMITTED
TO KNOW THE NAME, SIR?
NO, I PREFER TO KEEP THAT SECRET
UNTIL I'VE TOLD
HER MY INTENTIONS.
THAT SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG.
I SHALL REVEAL
EVERYTHING TO YOU SHORTLY.
WE'LL LOOK FORWARD
TO THAT, MR. GRACE.
WILL YOU GIVE ME YOUR
ARM, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU IN PRIVATE.
HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN
YOU NOW, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
SINCE I WAS A JUNIOR
HERE, MR. GRACE.
YES, YES. A VERY LONG TIME.
WELL, WE... WE CAN'T
DISCUSS IT HERE.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD HAVE TEA
WITH ME IN MY OFFICE THIS AFTERNOON
AT SAY... 4:00? I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT A RING.
A RING?
CARRY ON, EVERYBODY.
YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL.
All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE.
- A RING?
- A RING.
HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE.
IF SHE MARRIES HIM SHE'LL BE
IN CHARGE OF THE WHOLE STORE.
AFTER THAT "TIZ-WAZ" THIS MORNING,
IT LOOKS AS THOUGH MR. GRAINGER'S
GOING TO LOSE HIS
TROUSERS ALTOGETHER.
NOT TO MENTION, US OUR JOBS.
SHE'LL BE THE POWER
BEHIND THE THRONE.
I NEVER LIKE TO THINK OF
PEOPLE HAVING POWER THERE.
WE ALL HEARD THAT. DOES THAT
MEAN YOU AND HIM ARE GOING TO GET...
WE DON'T WISH TO MAKE
ANY COMMENT AT THE MOMENT.
- GET ME A CHAIR, MISS BRAHMS.
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I'M... I'M SORRY
ABOUT OUR LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
BUT I WAS ONLY DOING MY DUTY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHEN
I SPOKE TO MR. RUMBOLD,
I DID SAY MY SYMPATHIES
LAY WITH YOU.
IT WAS YOU WHO SAID, "WE'D
BETTER PUT HER IN HER PLACE."
NO, SIR, WHAT I ACTUALLY
SAID WAS, "THERE SHOULD BE
A BETTER PLACE FOR
US TO PUT HER IN."
NO HARD FEELINGS, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
SO MUCH CRAWLING
SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS AT
THE REPTILE HOUSE IN THE ZOO.
THAT'LL DO, MISS BRAHMS.
JUST BECAUSE MRS. SLOCOMBE'S
GOING TO MARRY THE HEAD OF THE FIRM,
YOU'RE GETTING ALL SMARMY.
- ( plastic crinkles )
- HAVE A SWEETIE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
NO, THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
I HAVE TO THINK OF MY
FIGURE FOR A LITTLE LONGER.
BESIDES, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY
SAID YES YET, YOU KNOW.
ONE HAS TO WEIGH
UP THE PROS AND CONS.
HE'S VERY OLD. I
MEAN, HE'S PAST IT.
YES, I'M NOT SURE WHETHER
THAT'S A PRO OR A CON.
ANYWAY, HE'S NOT ALL THAT
OLD. HE'S ONLY ABOUT 70.
HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T LOOK 70.
NO, HE LOOKS ABOUT 85.
BESIDES, AGE HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I WONDER WHERE HE'S GOING
TO TAKE YOU FOR A HONEYMOON.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF
EARTHQUAKES IN JAPAN.
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?
GET INTO A NICE HOTEL,
GET HIM IN THE BRIDAL SUITE
AND WAIT FOR A TREMOR.
YOU'VE GOT TILL 4:00
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING
TO POP THE QUESTION?
IF HE DOES, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
WHAT'S THE ANSWER GOING TO BE?
I SHALL HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT THAT VERY CAREFULLY.
IF YOU HAVE ANY
BOTHER, YOU MUST DO
"HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES
ME NOT" WITH YOUR TEA BAGS.
BUT MY HAIR IS AN
ABSOLUTE SIGHT.
I WONDER IF COULD
GET AN APPOINTMENT
UP IN THE CONTINENTAL
BEAUTY SALON
WITH MADAME BERYL.
OF COURSE, IT WOULD MEAN
HAVING AN EXTRA LONG LUNCH BREAK.
I'M SURE THAT WILL
BE QUITE IN ORDER.
THOSE DECISIONS ARE
MINE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
TAKE AS LONG AS YOU
LIKE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR LUNCH.
I'LL SEND YOU DOWN
A BIT OF FAIRY CAKE.
YES... YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR TUM TO RUMBLE
AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO
SAY, "THIS IS SO SUDDEN."
BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?
I MUST LOOK MY BEST.
THE FULL FACILITIES
OF MY DEPARTMENT
ARE AT YOUR SERVICE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
SHE'S HARDLY LIKELY TO GET PROPOSED
TO WEARING A THREE-PIECE SUIT.
I WAS REFERRING TO OUR
SUPERIOR FITTING ROOM
WITH TWO-WAY MIRROR.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
WHAT MR. GRAINGER
REALLY MEANT WAS
THE MIRROR YOU CAN SEE BACK
AND FRONT IN AT THE SAME TIME.
COMES IN QUITE HANDY SOMETIMES.
I'M SURE MR. RUMBOLD WOULD
WELCOME YOUR CHOOSING
ANY GARMENT FROM
THE LADIES' DEPARTMENT.
OF COURSE, I WAS
ABOUT TO SAY THAT.
OH, HOW KIND.
OF COURSE, I WOULD HAVE
TO CHOOSE SOMETHING
SUITABLE TO THE OCCASION.
HOW ABOUT "OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS"?
HALF PAST 3:00 AND MRS. SLOCOMBE'S
STILL NOT BACK FROM LUNCH.
SHE IS A VERY DEAR
PERSON, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN.
- I'M VERY FOND OF HER.
- OH, SO AM I.
( chuckling ) BY
THE WAY, ERNEST,
HAS YOUNG MR. GRACE
ANY LIVING RELATIONS?
ONLY OLD MR. GRACE.
OF COURSE, HE DOESN'T
GET ABOUT VERY MUCH.
NO... IN THAT CASE,
SHE STANDS TO COP THE LOT.
YES. SHE IS A VERY DEAR PERSON.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
HOW THE PARTY WENT.
OH, THE FANCY-DRESS PARTY THE
OTHER NIGHT. I CAN'T SPEAK ABOUT IT.
OH, GO ON. FORCE YOURSELF.
I BET YOU HAD THE BEST
FANCY-DRESS COSTUME THERE.
IT WAS A STROKE OF GENIUS
TO GO AS "THE RED SHADOW."
I'D BEEN WONDERING WHAT TO DO WITH
THOSE CURTAINS FROM THE GUEST BEDROOM.
I SUPPOSE YOU USED A
TOUCH OF THE OLD COCOA
- TO BLACK UP
AND STAIN THE FACE?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
I USED "OVERNIGHT TAN." I
WASN'T QUITE DARK ENOUGH,
SO I STUCK MY HEAD IN THE OVEN
FOR FIVE MINUTES ON REGULO TWO.
I BET YOU FELT LIKE
"LAWRENCE OF ARABIA."
I DID.
I TOOK MY SLIPPERS,
MY BEDROOM SLIPPERS,
AND I HELD THEM OVER THE GAS,
AND I PULLED THE TOES OUT TO
A POINT AND CURLED THEM UP...
JUST LIKE THE REAL THING.
BRILLIANT. IF ANYONE ELSE HAD
GONE AS LAWRENCE OF ARABIA,
YOU COULD HAVE SAID YOU WERE "ALI
BABA" AND YOU'D LEFT YOUR POTS OUTSIDE.
ALAS, I SHALL NEVER
KNOW WHO WENT AS WHAT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- MY MINICAB BROKE DOWN.
I HAD TO WALK. I COULDN'T
REMEMBER THE ADDRESS,
I HAD NO IDEA
WHERE THE FLAT WAS,
AND I WAS KNOCKING
ON DOORS AT RANDOM.
SO THERE YOU WERE IN
YOUR CURLED-UP SLIPPERS
AND YOUR BEST CURTAIN
MATERIAL FEELING DESPERATE.
UNTIL TWO POLICEMEN
THREW THEIR ARMS ROUND ME.
YOU FOUND THE
FANCY-DRESS PARTY, THEN?
NO, BUT YOU TRY WALKING ROUND
GOLDERS GREEN AT MIDNIGHT
DRESSED AS AN ARAB,
KNOCKING ON DOORS.
I WAS ESCORTED
HOME IN A POLICE CAR
FOR MY OWN SAFETY.
WHAT AN ANTI-CLIMAX.
NOT REALLY. ONE OF
THEM STAYED FOR SHERRY
AND SHOWED ME HOW
HIS HANDCUFFS WORKED.
VERY NICE THAT, REALLY.
COULD BE VERY NICE.
- ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR?
- NO, BUT I WOULD LIKE
TO SEE SOME TROUSERS.
CERTAINLY, SIR.
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M AFRAID NOT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
MR. LUCAS, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M FREE, MR. GRAINGER.
- THIS WAY, SIR.
- THANK YOU.
MR. GRAINGER, WHY DID YOU
SAY THAT YOU WERE NOT FREE?
BECAUSE I'M WAITING
TO TELL MRS. SLOCOMBE
HOW NICE HER HAIR LOOKS.
HOW NICE YOUR HAIR
LOOKS, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
REALLY A LA MODE.
IT'S LACQUERED SOLID.
I BUMPED INTO THE
COMMISSIONAIRE...
KNOCKED THE PEAK OFF HIS HAT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, IT'S WONDERFUL.
- I BET IT WAS EXPENSIVE.
- A MERE TRIFLE, DEAR.
I SIGNED THE BILL.
I'VE GOT OUT THE DRESSES
YOU WANTED TO TRY ON.
I'M AFRAID I SHALL HAVE TO LEAVE
YOU IN CHARGE, MISS BRAHMS.
MAYBE MISS BRAHMS WILL
HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT.
I SHALL CERTAINLY PUT
IN A GOOD WORD FOR HER.
OOH, ISN'T THAT A COMMON COLOR
WHEN YOU GET IT IN THE LIGHT?
TAKE IT AWAY, MISS BRAHMS.
NOW THAT'S RATHER NICE.
BROWN'S VERY
DIGNIFIED, ISN'T IT?
YES, AND IT DOESN'T
SHOW THE GRAVY.
OUR SUPERIOR FITTING ROOM
IS OVER HERE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOUR KINDNESS TO ME
WILL NOT GO UNNOTICED,
MR. GRAINGER.
YOUR TIE IS CROOKED,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
OOH.
THIS WHOLE DEPARTMENT'S
IN NEED OF REDECORATION.
I CAN'T ABIDE MUCKY PAINT.
AAH!
THERE'S A NAKED MAN IN
THERE IN HIS UNDERPANTS.
THAT'S NOTHING, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOU WAIT TILL THE HONEYMOON.
I THINK I'LL MAKE USE OF MY
OWN FACILITIES, THANK YOU.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- YES, MR. HUMPHRIES?
- YOU'RE A MAN OF THE WORLD.
IN YOUR WIDE EXPERIENCE
IN THESE MATTERS,
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE
GOING TO MAKE A GO OF IT?
PUTTING IT BLUNTLY,
MR. HUMPHRIES,
I'D SAY NEITHER OF THEM IS IN
A POSITION TO BE VERY CHOOSY.
I CAN'T THINK WHAT'S
COME OVER THE OLD BOY.
PERHAPS HE
DOESN'T WANT TO DIE...
UNPROGENITATED.
THAT WOULD BE A MOST
UNFORTUNATE THING TO HAPPEN.
PERHAPS HE WANTS TO HAVE
SOMEBODY READY TO TAKE OVER
LIKE EVA PERON, WHEN
HER JUNTA COLLAPSED.
THAT CAN BE NASTY, TOO.
AND IF YOU ASK ME...
SHE'LL HAVE HER HANDS FULL.
REALLY?
ARE YOU FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
Peacock: YES INDEED,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?
IT'S A TRIFLE FORMAL FOR
AFTERNOON TEA, DON'T YOU THINK?
I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR
IT THIS AFTERNOON.
BUT I COULDN'T
RESIST TRYING IT ON.
IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL
YOUNG AND INNOCENT.
A REMARKABLE GARMENT, INDEED.
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
IT'S QUARTER TO 4:00,
TIME TO PUT YOUR
AFTERNOON FROCK ON.
OH!
( hums "Bridal Chorus" )
OH, BE STILL, MY
FLUTTERING HEART.
THAT'S WIND FROM
YOUR FAIRY CAKE.
IT LOOKS AS IF SHE'S
MADE UP HER MIND.
IN FIVE MINUTES' TIME SHE'LL
BE IN MR. GRACE'S OFFICE.
I WOULDN'T MIND BEING A
FLY ON THE WALL UP THERE.
I COULD TELL YOU
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'D SEE...
TEA FOR TWO, A SILLY OLD MUFFIN
AND A TIRED OLD BIT OF CRUMPET.
- ( knocking )
- COME IN, COME IN.
HERE ARE THE RINGS YOU WANTED
TO HAVE A LOOK AT, MR. GRACE.
THANK YOU, MISS
ROBINSON. WHERE'S THE TEA?
JUST COMING, MR. GRACE.
- ( knocking )
- Grace: COME IN.
HOPE I'M NOT LATE.
YOU'RE EARLY. THE
TEA'S NOT ARRIVED YET.
Grace: DO SIT DOWN.
YOU KNOW MISS ROBINSON
OF THE JEWELRY DEPARTMENT?
HER SUPERIOR AND I
ARE OLD ACQUAINTANCES.
( knocking )
THAT'LL BE THE TEA. COME IN.
HERE YOU ARE A NICE POT
OF "ROSIE LEE," MR. GRACE,
AND YOUR USUAL
MUFFIN AND CRUMPET.
OH, THEY'RE NICE RINGS, EH?
PICK A BIG ONE, DARLING.
PICK THE HONEYMOON
SUITE ON THE GROUND FLOOR.
ONE FLIGHT OF STAIRS,
HE WON'T BE ABLE
TO GET HIS BREATH BACK
UNTIL AFTER BREAKFAST.
GET OUT.
I EXPECT YOU WONDER
WHY I ASKED YOU TO COME
AND HAVE TEA WITH ME.
WELL, A GIRL DOES HAVE
AN INKLING, YOU KNOW.
A WHAT?
AN INKLING.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S WHAT A GIRL HAS
WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING
SPECIAL IN THE AIR.
YOU MEAN LIKE HAY FEVER,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
- SHALL I POUR?
- YES, PLEASE DO.
I EXPECT YOU THINK
I'M AN OLD FOOL
GETTING MARRIED
AGAIN AT MY TIME OF LIFE?
ON THE CONTRARY, MR. GRACE,
YOU'RE VERY YOUNG IN SPIRIT
AND YOU NEED SOMEONE TO
TAKE YOU OUT OF YOURSELF.
YOU NEVER GO ON HOLIDAY, DO YOU?
THAT'S TRUE.
OF COURSE I DO REALIZE
THAT IT'S VERY DIFFICULT
FOR A MAN IN YOUR POSITION.
SUPPOSING YOU WERE TO TAKE
YOUR YACHT INTO THE CARRIBEANO?
YOU'D HAVE ALL THOSE
YOUNG GIRLS ALL OVER YOU,
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE RICH.
WOULD I?
AND THEY'RE ONLY AFTER
ONE THING, YOU KNOW?
ARE THEY?
WHEREAS IF YOU'RE MARRIED
TO A WIFE WHO'S DEVOTED TO YOU,
YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE
SOMEONE AT YOUR SIDE
AND BE PROTECTED
FROM ALL THAT...
SOMEONE TO HELP YOU
THROUGH YOUR TROUBLES,
HELP YOU THROUGH
LIFE'S WEARY PROBLEMS,
CHERISHING EACH
OTHER WHEN YOU'RE SICK...
( dryly ) AND ALL
THAT SORT OF THING.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL TO
YOU, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOU'VE HELPED ME
MAKE UP MY MIND.
I BROUGHT YOU HERE
TO CHOOSE A RING.
OH, MR. GRACE...!
THAT BIG ONE.
IT'S FOR MISS ROBINSON OF
THE JEWELRY DEPARTMENT.
I'VE HAD MY EYE ON
HER FOR SOME TIME...
ALMOST THREE WEEKS.
- MISS ROBINSON?
- BUT NOW YOU'VE SPOKEN TO ME,
YOU PUT ME RIGHT OFF
THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE.
THAT WAS THE LAST THING I
WANTED TO DO, MR. GRACE.
IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU. YOU
MUST HELP ME AGAIN SOME TIME.
IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
WHEN YOU COME TO MY TIME OF LIFE
YOU NEED THE HELP
OF AN OLDER WOMAN.
( coldly ) ANYTIME, FEEL FREE.
YOU HAVEN'T DRANK YOUR TEA.
I DON'T THINK I FANCY IT, NOW.
WELL, TAKE A MUFFIN,
IN CASE YOU FEEL LIKE IT LATER.
YOU'RE TOO KIND.
WELL... IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE IS.
- MRS. SLOCOMBE?
- YES, MR. GRACE?
ASK THE NEWSSTAND TO SEND ME
THE YACHTING NEWS, WILL YOU?
MISS BRAHMS, IT'S PAST CLOSING
TIME. YOU MAY GO IF YOU WISH.
NONE OF US ARE GOING TILL
WE'VE FOUND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.
MAYBE HE HAD THE VICAR
UPSTAIRS IN HIS OFFICE.
A FRIEND OF MINE DID
THAT ONCE, YOU KNOW.
HE HAD A SMALL SECTION OF THE
CHOIR HIDDEN BEHIND THE CURTAINS.
IT WAS VERY MOVING.
( elevator bell rings )
- Grainger: HERE SHE IS.
- ( applause )
DOESN'T SHE LOOK RADIANT?
TELL US EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENED.
WELL, BEFORE I DO, THERE ARE
ONE OR TWO THINGS THAT
I'D LIKE TO GET QUITE CLEAR.
MR. GRAINGER...
I TAKE IT THAT YOU
NO LONGER OBJECT
TO MY PRESENCE IN THE LADIES'
DEPARTMENT ON THIS FLOOR?
ON THE CONTRARY, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
THE LADIES' DEPARTMENT
WILL ALWAYS BE WELCOME.
AND I TAKE IT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK...
THAT YOU WILL NOT IN FUTURE
INSIST UPON THE LADIES'
DEPARTMENT DISPLAYING GARMENTS
WHICH THEY CONSIDER
TO BE IN BAD TASTE?
ALL GOODS ON DISPLAY
WILL BE ENTIRELY
AT THE DISCRETION
OF WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE.
GOOD. WELL, THAT'S
SETTLED, THEN.
SO, WHEN'S THE HAPPY DAY?
- TODAY!
- TODAY?
I TURNED HIM DOWN.
( theme music plays )
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ SECOND FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
♪ MATERIALS, SOFT FURNISHINGS,
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
♪ GOING DOWN. ♪
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
- ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
- I WAS LOOKING FOR A SWEATER.
CERTAINLY, SIR.
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A BOWLER HAT.
MR. LUCAS, IS
MR. HUMPHRIES FREE?
YES. MR. HUMPHRIES,
ARE YOU FREE?
- I'M FREE, MR. LUCAS.
- MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE,
MR. GRAINGER.
- THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS. CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- YES, MR. GRAINGER?
- MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE.
- THANK YOU, MR. GRAINGER.
MR. HUMPHRIES IS FREE, SO HE'LL
ATTEND TO YOU. MR. HUMPHRIES, FORWARD.
ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR?
THANK YOU, MADAM.
THE BILL IS INSIDE.
IF THE GARMENT DOESN'T
GIVE YOU EVERY SATISFACTION,
PLEASE BRING IT BACK
BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY
HERE TO BE OF SERVICE.
IT HAD GOT TO BE HALF PAST
9:00 AND I WAS ALL DRESSED.
I'D BEEN DRESSED FOR AN HOUR
AND HE STILL HADN'T ARRIVED.
- HE STOOD YOU UP?
- MEN DON'T STAND ME UP,
MISS BRAHMS, OH NO.
I EXPECT HIS CAR
HAD BROKEN DOWN.
IT DID THE LAST
TIME WE HAD A DATE.
AND HE APOLOGIZED MOST HUMBLY
WHEN I BUMPED INTO
HIM A WEEK LATER.
OH, SO YOU WERE ALL DRESSED
UP AND NOWHERE TO GO?
NO, NO, NO.
MRS. AXELBY AND I WENT
DOWN TO THE PALAIS.
IT WAS THE "OVER 25s" NIGHT.
DID YOU PICK ANYBODY UP?
WE DIDN'T GO FOR
THAT, MISS BRAHMS.
I MEAN, DID ANYONE COME
UP AND ASK YOU TO DANCE?
NO, I DON'T ENCOURAGE
THAT SORT OF THING.
ANYWAY, I DIDN'T LIKE THE
LOOK OF ANY OF THE MEN THERE.
AFTER WE'D STOOD BY THE DANCE
FLOOR FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES...
SUSSING IT OUT, YOU KNOW...
WE WENT INTO THE BAR.
OH, YOU DIDN'T GET
SLOSHED AGAIN?
CERTAINLY NOT.
WE JUST HAD A
FEW GIN AND TONICS.
ONE OF THE TONICS I
HAD MUST HAVE BEEN BAD.
THEY ARE SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW.
BUT ANYWAY, I
CAME OVER ALL DIZZY.
MRS. AXELBY HAD
TO PUT ME TO BED.
ICES! ICES! ( chuckles )
HERE WE ARE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
12 PAIRS OF 30 DENIER TIGHTS.
UNLUCKY FOR SOME.
12 PADDED BRAS.
WHO'S KIDDING WHO?
FINALLY, 24 PAIRS
OF NOVELTY BRIEFS
KNOWN TO SUCH COMMON
PERSONS AS MYSELF
AS " NAUGHTY KNICKERS."
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, MR. MASH?
HERE. LOOK AT THAT.
OH, IT'S GOT WRITING ON.
WHAT DOES IT SAY, MISS BRAHMS?
"IF YOU CAN READ THIS,
YOU'RE TOO CLOSE."
- HOW DISGUSTING!
- IT'S TRUE.
- WHAT ABOUT THEM, THEN?
- OOH-HH!
HANDY.
THEN THERE'S THESE.
THESE COME IN FOUR MODELS.
"HELLO, CHEEKY,"
"I LOVE ELVIS,"
"YOUR FLIES ARE UNDONE,"
AND, "NO PARKING."
DID YOU EVER SEE
ANYTHING LIKE IT IN YOUR LIFE?
MY BOYFRIEND BOUGHT
ME A PAIR OF THOSE ONCE,
BUT I WOULDN'T WEAR THEM.
WHAT DID THEY SAY?
"IN CASE OF
EMERGENCY, PULL DOWN."
THAT MUST BE WORTH A £5 FINE.
THAT'LL BE QUITE ENOUGH
OF THAT, THANK YOU, MR. MASH.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
I CERTAINLY AM, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU A MOMENT,
I HAVE TO SEE MR. RUMBOLD.
I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE
TO DISPLAY THESE.
YOU'RE NOT BEING ASKED
TO WEAR THEM, ARE YOU?
CERTAINLY NOT. I WOULDN'T PUT
THEM ON FOR A THOUSAND POUNDS.
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU
TAKE THEM OFF FOR, THEN?
MR. MASH, GET BACK
TO YOUR BASEMENT.
I SEE, WORKERS NOT ALLOWED
TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, EH?
EH? EH? COR BLIMEY,
IT'S MARVELOUS.
ANYWAY, MATE, WE HAVE OUR
LAUGHS, DON'T YOU WORRY.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE WHAT THEY'VE WRITTEN
ABOUT YOU ON THE WALLS OF OUR KHARZI.
SEE HERE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
I REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO
DO WITH THESE VULGAR GARMENTS.
THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD.
PROGRESS HAS TO
MARCH ON, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
NOT WEARING THOSE, IT DOESN'T.
I HAVE TO REMIND YOU
THAT YOU ARE ALL PAID
TO SELL THE GOODS PURCHASED
BY THE BUYING DEPARTMENT.
AND IF I DON'T?
NO ONE IS IRREPLACEABLE.
( gasps )
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
STAND FOR THAT, ARE YOU?
I VERY NEARLY SAID SOMETHING VERY
CUTTING AND RUDE, I CAN TELL YOU.
I BET. WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
I'VE A GOOD MIND TO
HAND IN MY RESIGNATION.
- YOUR RESIGNATION?!
- SHH, STOP! NOT SO LOUD.
IT'S YOU, SIR, DEFINITELY YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK SO, MR. LUCAS?
YES, IT'S DEFINITELY
THE CUSTOMER.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE TIGHT TO ME.
THEY ARE BEING WORN
TIGHT THIS YEAR, SIR.
PARTICULARLY THAT ONE.
I WANTED IT FOR GOLFING.
IT WOULD BE VERY GOOD,
SIR. IT KEEPS YOUR ARMS STIFF.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY A SWING, SIR?
OH, YOU HAVE A LOVELY
MOVEMENT THERE.
YES, WELL, I DO HAVE A
VERY SMALL HANDICAP.
OH, DO YOU?
WE COULD PROBABLY FIND A PAIR
OF TIGHT TROUSERS TO GO WITH IT.
THANK YOU.
IT GRIPS ME UNDER THE ARMS.
THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION
IN THAT SHETLAND WOOL, SIR.
IT'S THE NERVOUS SHEEP.
THEY LIVE NEAR A FIRING RANGE.
THANK YOU. WHY DON'T YOU
TRY ANOTHER SWING, SIR?
YES.
IT'S VERY GOOD FOR DRIVING.
HOW IS IT FOR PUTTING?
IT'S PULLING.
PERHAPS IT'S THE WAY
YOU'RE HOLDING THE CLUB, SIR?
YOU MUST REMEMBER, IT WILL
STRETCH AFTER THE FIRST WASH.
I THOUGHT WOOL ALWAYS SHRANK.
NO, THAT'S A POPULAR
MISCONCEPTION, THAT.
YOU ONLY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
IT TO SEE IT COULDN'T BE TRUE.
OTHERWISE EVERY TIME IT RAINED, THE
SHEEP WOULD GET SMALLER, WOULDN'T THEY?
NO, I DEFINITELY
NEED THE NEXT SIZE.
WE HAVEN'T GOT THE NEXT SIZE.
WE MUST HAVE THE NEXT SIZE.
- WE'VE ONLY GOT A 48.
- THAT'S THE NEXT SIZE.
NEXT SIZE COMING
UP, MR. HUMPHRIES.
HERE WE ARE, SIR. HOW'S THAT?
- WHERE'S HE GONE?
- ALLOW ME.
THERE, SIR.
THERE'S NOT MUCH IN IT, REALLY.
DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE LONG?
THEY ARE BEING WORN
LONG THIS YEAR, SIR.
IT'D BE GOOD FOR YOUR HANDICAP.
YOU MUST REMEMBER, IT WILL
SHRINK AFTER THE FIRST WASH.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID
WOOL DOESN'T SHRINK.
- THAT'S PURE WOOL.
THIS IS HALF WOOL AND HALF
EXTRUDED MAN-MADE FIBER.
THE EXTRUDED BIT
SHRINKS IN HOT WATER.
THE MAN-MADE BIT
SHRINKS IN COLD WATER.
THERE'S NO POINT IN WEARING
IT AT ALL UNTIL YOU'VE WASHED IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. I'LL TAKE IT.
- SALE, MR. LUCAS.
- IT WAS A VERY NEAR THING,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
- LET ME HELP YOU
OUT OF THE SMALL ONE.
- THANK YOU. WOULD YOU?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE, SIR?
I'M STUCK!
MR. HUMPHRIES, WOULD YOU MIND
HOLDING THE GENTLEMEN'S REAR
WHILE I PULL FROM THE FRONT?
WITH PLEASURE, MR. LUCAS.
IT'S LIKE PULLING A
CHRISTMAS CRACKER, ISN'T IT?
I WONDER WHO'S GOING
TO GET THE NOVELTY?
THERE WE ARE, SIR.
IT'S GONE!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- IT'S GONE!
- WHAT'S GONE?
MY TOUPEE. YOU'VE LOST IT!
OH! OUR ADA.
ARE THEY ATTENDING TO YOU, SIR?
THEY ARE LOOKING FOR MY VERY
EXPENSIVE UNDETECTABLE HAIRPIECE.
WE'RE HAVING
TROUBLE DETECTING IT.
I BET IT'S IN THE JUMPER.
AH.
OH.
SHOULD WE COMB IT NOW,
OR AFTER YOU'VE PUT IT ON?
GIVE IT TO ME.
OH, TAKES YEARS OFF YOU.
IS IT... IS IT ALL RIGHT?
YES.
NOT QUITE AS
UNDETECTABLE AS IT WAS.
WHAT OTHER COLORS DID THEY HAVE?
YES, I CERTAINLY MADE MY
POINT TO CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
"I'M HAVING NOTHING TO DO
WITH THOSE THINGS," I SAID.
HE MUST HAVE TOLD RUMBOLD,
'CAUSE HE'S BRINGING HIM OVER.
HE WOULDN'T SNEAK, WOULD HE?
RUMBOLD'S LOOKING VERY UGLY.
LOOK AT THE START HE'S GOT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, MISS
BRAHMS, ONE MOMENT PLEASE.
YES, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
SOMETHING QUITE SHOCKING
HAS COME TO MY EARS.
I THOUGHT THAT HAPPENED
WHEN HE WAS BORN.
I'M AFRAID I HAD TO TELL
MR. RUMBOLD ABOUT YOUR...
INSUBORDINATE ATTITUDE.
THERE ARE SOME KNICKERS
THAT I WILL DISPLAY,
AND SOME THAT I WON'T.
THOSE I WON'T ARE
STAYING IN MY DRAWERS.
I SEE.
MISS BRAHMS BACKS
ME UP IN THIS, DON'T YOU?
YES, AND MRS. SLOCOMBE FEELS SO STRONGLY
ABOUT IT, SHE'S PREPARED TO RESIGN.
- IS THIS TRUE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE?
- WELL...
WHAT I MEANT WAS
THAT I SHALL HAVE TO
CONSIDER IT VERY CAREFULLY.
- VERY WELL.
- I HAVEN'T HAD TIME
TO CONSIDER IT YET!
I DO THINK THAT SOMEONE WITH
MY EXCELLENT SALES RECORD
SHOULD BE ALLOWED
SOME DISCRETION
AS TO THE STUFF I PUSH.
DON'T YOU AGREE
WITH ME, MR. GRAINGER?
IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
SINCE YOU PUT
FOOT ON THIS FLOOR.
YOU TWO-FACED OLD CRAB.
( gasps )
I TAKE IT YOU DON'T SUPPORT
MRS. SLOCOMBE, MR. GRAINGER?
IF SHE WANTS TO RESIGN, LET HER.
WE CAN DO WITH THAT SPACE
TO EXPAND OUR TROUSERS.
OUR TROUSERS HAVE
BEEN RATHER RESTRICTED
SINCE THE LADIES ARRIVED.
BURSTING AT THE SEAMS, YES.
THAT AREA HAS BEEN DEVOTED TO
OUR TROUSERS FOR OVER 25 YEARS.
IN THOSE DAYS, BEFORE
THE LADIES ARRIVED,
IT WAS KNOWN AS "BARGAIN BAGS."
NOW THEY'RE HERE, IT STILL IS.
I MUST SAY, IN
MR. GRAINGER'S DEFENSE,
THAT HIS SALES HAVE GONE DOWN
SINCE THE LADIES TOOK
OVER HALF THE FLOOR.
PERHAPS BECAUSE
HE'S A BIT PAST IT.
PAST IT? PAST IT?!
A GLASS OF WATER
FOR MR. GRAINGER.
GLASS OF WATER COMING UP.
TELL THAT WOMAN I'M
SEVERING MY CONNECTIONS.
SHOULD I CANCEL THE
GLASS OF WATER, THEN?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW
WHY MR. GRAINGER'S
BLOWING OFF AT ME.
IT WASN'T MY IDEA TO
MOVE INTO HIS TROUSERS.
YES, HE'S BEING UNCOMMONLY RUDE.
IT WAS A GREAT
SHOCK TO MR. GRAINGER
TO SUDDENLY FIND
LADIES IN HIS TROUSERS.
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO BAD IF
IT HAD BEEN SPORTS EQUIPMENT.
I HAD NO IDEA MRS.
SLOCOMBE'S UNDERWEAR
WAS CAUSING SO MUCH FRICTION.
NEITHER DID I.
ANYWAY, I COULD EASILY GET A TOP
JOB SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU KNOW.
HARRODS HAVE BEEN MAKING
SOME VERY INTERESTING OVERTURES.
WHAT FOR, THE PIANO DEPARTMENT?
I ALSO HAVE VERY
GOOD CONNECTIONS
WITH MARSHALL & SNELLGROVE.
THE BEAUTY DEPARTMENT
AT SWANN AND EDGARS
HAVE MADE ME A VERY
INTERESTING OFFER.
WHAT WAS IT, A FREE FACELIFT?
THAT'S IT! I'M GOING.
UH, CAPTAIN...!
- MR. GRAINGER,
DON'T STOP HER.
- OH, NO.
I WAS JUST GOING
TO RING FOR THE LIFT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, YOU CAN'T
GO WITHOUT YOUR HAT AND COAT.
I'M NOT GOING OUTSIDE.
I'M GOING UP TO SEE
YOUNG MR. GRACE.
I'M GOING TO PUT MY POINTS
BEFORE HIM PERSONALLY.
GOOD MORNING, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
GOOD MORNING, MR. GRACE.
All: GOOD MORNING, MR. GRACE.
MAY I SAY, MR. GRACE, THAT
IT DOES OUR HEARTS GOOD
TO SEE YOU LOOKING
SO FLAMBOYANT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO SHOW YOU, MR. GRACE.
- YES, YES.
WE DON'T WANT A SCENE
HERE. KEEP HIM TALKING.
MAY I SUGGEST, SIR, ONE
OF OUR SILK HANDKERCHIEFS
FOR YOUR TOP
POCKET? ( snapping )
THERE, SIR. THAT'S QUITE A
GOOD MATCH, I THINK YOU'LL AGREE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT, MR. GRACE?
OH, I PREFER IT.
DON'T YOU AGREE?
- YES, OF COURSE.
- YES, MR. GRACE.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
QUIET FOR MR. GRACE.
YOU MAY ALL BE SURPRISED TO KNOW
THAT I'VE BEEN A WIDOWER
NOW FOR 40 YEARS.
( imitating Mr. Grace ) ♪ AND IT
DON'T SEEM A DAY TOO MUCH... ♪
( low ) MR. LUCAS...!
YET THERE'S SOMEBODY
HERE IN GRACE BROTHERS
WHO I'VE HAD MY EYE
ON FOR SOME TIME.
I'M SURE THAT ANY LADY WHO
HAS ATTRACTED YOUR ATTENTION
MUST HAVE GREAT
QUALITIES, MR. GRACE.
SHE WILL INDEED
BE A LUCKY LADY, SIR.
SHE'LL HAVE LOTS
OF LOLLY AND ALL.
AND SHE WON'T HAVE
LONG TO WAIT FOR IT.
TO SUM IT UP, THE MAXIMUM OF ONE
THING, THE MINIMUM OF THE OTHER.
MAY WE BE PERMITTED
TO KNOW THE NAME, SIR?
NO, I PREFER TO KEEP THAT SECRET
UNTIL I'VE TOLD
HER MY INTENTIONS.
THAT SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG.
I SHALL REVEAL
EVERYTHING TO YOU SHORTLY.
WE'LL LOOK FORWARD
TO THAT, MR. GRACE.
WILL YOU GIVE ME YOUR
ARM, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU IN PRIVATE.
HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN
YOU NOW, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
SINCE I WAS A JUNIOR
HERE, MR. GRACE.
YES, YES. A VERY LONG TIME.
WELL, WE... WE CAN'T
DISCUSS IT HERE.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD HAVE TEA
WITH ME IN MY OFFICE THIS AFTERNOON
AT SAY... 4:00? I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT A RING.
A RING?
CARRY ON, EVERYBODY.
YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL.
All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE.
- A RING?
- A RING.
HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE.
IF SHE MARRIES HIM SHE'LL BE
IN CHARGE OF THE WHOLE STORE.
AFTER THAT "TIZ-WAZ" THIS MORNING,
IT LOOKS AS THOUGH MR. GRAINGER'S
GOING TO LOSE HIS
TROUSERS ALTOGETHER.
NOT TO MENTION, US OUR JOBS.
SHE'LL BE THE POWER
BEHIND THE THRONE.
I NEVER LIKE TO THINK OF
PEOPLE HAVING POWER THERE.
WE ALL HEARD THAT. DOES THAT
MEAN YOU AND HIM ARE GOING TO GET...
WE DON'T WISH TO MAKE
ANY COMMENT AT THE MOMENT.
- GET ME A CHAIR, MISS BRAHMS.
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I'M... I'M SORRY
ABOUT OUR LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
BUT I WAS ONLY DOING MY DUTY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHEN
I SPOKE TO MR. RUMBOLD,
I DID SAY MY SYMPATHIES
LAY WITH YOU.
IT WAS YOU WHO SAID, "WE'D
BETTER PUT HER IN HER PLACE."
NO, SIR, WHAT I ACTUALLY
SAID WAS, "THERE SHOULD BE
A BETTER PLACE FOR
US TO PUT HER IN."
NO HARD FEELINGS, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
SO MUCH CRAWLING
SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS AT
THE REPTILE HOUSE IN THE ZOO.
THAT'LL DO, MISS BRAHMS.
JUST BECAUSE MRS. SLOCOMBE'S
GOING TO MARRY THE HEAD OF THE FIRM,
YOU'RE GETTING ALL SMARMY.
- ( plastic crinkles )
- HAVE A SWEETIE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
NO, THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
I HAVE TO THINK OF MY
FIGURE FOR A LITTLE LONGER.
BESIDES, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY
SAID YES YET, YOU KNOW.
ONE HAS TO WEIGH
UP THE PROS AND CONS.
HE'S VERY OLD. I
MEAN, HE'S PAST IT.
YES, I'M NOT SURE WHETHER
THAT'S A PRO OR A CON.
ANYWAY, HE'S NOT ALL THAT
OLD. HE'S ONLY ABOUT 70.
HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T LOOK 70.
NO, HE LOOKS ABOUT 85.
BESIDES, AGE HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I WONDER WHERE HE'S GOING
TO TAKE YOU FOR A HONEYMOON.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF
EARTHQUAKES IN JAPAN.
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?
GET INTO A NICE HOTEL,
GET HIM IN THE BRIDAL SUITE
AND WAIT FOR A TREMOR.
YOU'VE GOT TILL 4:00
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING
TO POP THE QUESTION?
IF HE DOES, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
WHAT'S THE ANSWER GOING TO BE?
I SHALL HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT THAT VERY CAREFULLY.
IF YOU HAVE ANY
BOTHER, YOU MUST DO
"HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES
ME NOT" WITH YOUR TEA BAGS.
BUT MY HAIR IS AN
ABSOLUTE SIGHT.
I WONDER IF COULD
GET AN APPOINTMENT
UP IN THE CONTINENTAL
BEAUTY SALON
WITH MADAME BERYL.
OF COURSE, IT WOULD MEAN
HAVING AN EXTRA LONG LUNCH BREAK.
I'M SURE THAT WILL
BE QUITE IN ORDER.
THOSE DECISIONS ARE
MINE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
TAKE AS LONG AS YOU
LIKE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR LUNCH.
I'LL SEND YOU DOWN
A BIT OF FAIRY CAKE.
YES... YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR TUM TO RUMBLE
AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO
SAY, "THIS IS SO SUDDEN."
BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?
I MUST LOOK MY BEST.
THE FULL FACILITIES
OF MY DEPARTMENT
ARE AT YOUR SERVICE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
SHE'S HARDLY LIKELY TO GET PROPOSED
TO WEARING A THREE-PIECE SUIT.
I WAS REFERRING TO OUR
SUPERIOR FITTING ROOM
WITH TWO-WAY MIRROR.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
WHAT MR. GRAINGER
REALLY MEANT WAS
THE MIRROR YOU CAN SEE BACK
AND FRONT IN AT THE SAME TIME.
COMES IN QUITE HANDY SOMETIMES.
I'M SURE MR. RUMBOLD WOULD
WELCOME YOUR CHOOSING
ANY GARMENT FROM
THE LADIES' DEPARTMENT.
OF COURSE, I WAS
ABOUT TO SAY THAT.
OH, HOW KIND.
OF COURSE, I WOULD HAVE
TO CHOOSE SOMETHING
SUITABLE TO THE OCCASION.
HOW ABOUT "OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS"?
HALF PAST 3:00 AND MRS. SLOCOMBE'S
STILL NOT BACK FROM LUNCH.
SHE IS A VERY DEAR
PERSON, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN.
- I'M VERY FOND OF HER.
- OH, SO AM I.
( chuckling ) BY
THE WAY, ERNEST,
HAS YOUNG MR. GRACE
ANY LIVING RELATIONS?
ONLY OLD MR. GRACE.
OF COURSE, HE DOESN'T
GET ABOUT VERY MUCH.
NO... IN THAT CASE,
SHE STANDS TO COP THE LOT.
YES. SHE IS A VERY DEAR PERSON.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
HOW THE PARTY WENT.
OH, THE FANCY-DRESS PARTY THE
OTHER NIGHT. I CAN'T SPEAK ABOUT IT.
OH, GO ON. FORCE YOURSELF.
I BET YOU HAD THE BEST
FANCY-DRESS COSTUME THERE.
IT WAS A STROKE OF GENIUS
TO GO AS "THE RED SHADOW."
I'D BEEN WONDERING WHAT TO DO WITH
THOSE CURTAINS FROM THE GUEST BEDROOM.
I SUPPOSE YOU USED A
TOUCH OF THE OLD COCOA
- TO BLACK UP
AND STAIN THE FACE?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
I USED "OVERNIGHT TAN." I
WASN'T QUITE DARK ENOUGH,
SO I STUCK MY HEAD IN THE OVEN
FOR FIVE MINUTES ON REGULO TWO.
I BET YOU FELT LIKE
"LAWRENCE OF ARABIA."
I DID.
I TOOK MY SLIPPERS,
MY BEDROOM SLIPPERS,
AND I HELD THEM OVER THE GAS,
AND I PULLED THE TOES OUT TO
A POINT AND CURLED THEM UP...
JUST LIKE THE REAL THING.
BRILLIANT. IF ANYONE ELSE HAD
GONE AS LAWRENCE OF ARABIA,
YOU COULD HAVE SAID YOU WERE "ALI
BABA" AND YOU'D LEFT YOUR POTS OUTSIDE.
ALAS, I SHALL NEVER
KNOW WHO WENT AS WHAT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- MY MINICAB BROKE DOWN.
I HAD TO WALK. I COULDN'T
REMEMBER THE ADDRESS,
I HAD NO IDEA
WHERE THE FLAT WAS,
AND I WAS KNOCKING
ON DOORS AT RANDOM.
SO THERE YOU WERE IN
YOUR CURLED-UP SLIPPERS
AND YOUR BEST CURTAIN
MATERIAL FEELING DESPERATE.
UNTIL TWO POLICEMEN
THREW THEIR ARMS ROUND ME.
YOU FOUND THE
FANCY-DRESS PARTY, THEN?
NO, BUT YOU TRY WALKING ROUND
GOLDERS GREEN AT MIDNIGHT
DRESSED AS AN ARAB,
KNOCKING ON DOORS.
I WAS ESCORTED
HOME IN A POLICE CAR
FOR MY OWN SAFETY.
WHAT AN ANTI-CLIMAX.
NOT REALLY. ONE OF
THEM STAYED FOR SHERRY
AND SHOWED ME HOW
HIS HANDCUFFS WORKED.
VERY NICE THAT, REALLY.
COULD BE VERY NICE.
- ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR?
- NO, BUT I WOULD LIKE
TO SEE SOME TROUSERS.
CERTAINLY, SIR.
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M AFRAID NOT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
MR. LUCAS, ARE YOU FREE?
I'M FREE, MR. GRAINGER.
- THIS WAY, SIR.
- THANK YOU.
MR. GRAINGER, WHY DID YOU
SAY THAT YOU WERE NOT FREE?
BECAUSE I'M WAITING
TO TELL MRS. SLOCOMBE
HOW NICE HER HAIR LOOKS.
HOW NICE YOUR HAIR
LOOKS, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
REALLY A LA MODE.
IT'S LACQUERED SOLID.
I BUMPED INTO THE
COMMISSIONAIRE...
KNOCKED THE PEAK OFF HIS HAT.
MRS. SLOCOMBE, IT'S WONDERFUL.
- I BET IT WAS EXPENSIVE.
- A MERE TRIFLE, DEAR.
I SIGNED THE BILL.
I'VE GOT OUT THE DRESSES
YOU WANTED TO TRY ON.
I'M AFRAID I SHALL HAVE TO LEAVE
YOU IN CHARGE, MISS BRAHMS.
MAYBE MISS BRAHMS WILL
HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT.
I SHALL CERTAINLY PUT
IN A GOOD WORD FOR HER.
OOH, ISN'T THAT A COMMON COLOR
WHEN YOU GET IT IN THE LIGHT?
TAKE IT AWAY, MISS BRAHMS.
NOW THAT'S RATHER NICE.
BROWN'S VERY
DIGNIFIED, ISN'T IT?
YES, AND IT DOESN'T
SHOW THE GRAVY.
OUR SUPERIOR FITTING ROOM
IS OVER HERE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOUR KINDNESS TO ME
WILL NOT GO UNNOTICED,
MR. GRAINGER.
YOUR TIE IS CROOKED,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
OOH.
THIS WHOLE DEPARTMENT'S
IN NEED OF REDECORATION.
I CAN'T ABIDE MUCKY PAINT.
AAH!
THERE'S A NAKED MAN IN
THERE IN HIS UNDERPANTS.
THAT'S NOTHING, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOU WAIT TILL THE HONEYMOON.
I THINK I'LL MAKE USE OF MY
OWN FACILITIES, THANK YOU.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- YES, MR. HUMPHRIES?
- YOU'RE A MAN OF THE WORLD.
IN YOUR WIDE EXPERIENCE
IN THESE MATTERS,
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE
GOING TO MAKE A GO OF IT?
PUTTING IT BLUNTLY,
MR. HUMPHRIES,
I'D SAY NEITHER OF THEM IS IN
A POSITION TO BE VERY CHOOSY.
I CAN'T THINK WHAT'S
COME OVER THE OLD BOY.
PERHAPS HE
DOESN'T WANT TO DIE...
UNPROGENITATED.
THAT WOULD BE A MOST
UNFORTUNATE THING TO HAPPEN.
PERHAPS HE WANTS TO HAVE
SOMEBODY READY TO TAKE OVER
LIKE EVA PERON, WHEN
HER JUNTA COLLAPSED.
THAT CAN BE NASTY, TOO.
AND IF YOU ASK ME...
SHE'LL HAVE HER HANDS FULL.
REALLY?
ARE YOU FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
Peacock: YES INDEED,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?
IT'S A TRIFLE FORMAL FOR
AFTERNOON TEA, DON'T YOU THINK?
I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR
IT THIS AFTERNOON.
BUT I COULDN'T
RESIST TRYING IT ON.
IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL
YOUNG AND INNOCENT.
A REMARKABLE GARMENT, INDEED.
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
IT'S QUARTER TO 4:00,
TIME TO PUT YOUR
AFTERNOON FROCK ON.
OH!
( hums "Bridal Chorus" )
OH, BE STILL, MY
FLUTTERING HEART.
THAT'S WIND FROM
YOUR FAIRY CAKE.
IT LOOKS AS IF SHE'S
MADE UP HER MIND.
IN FIVE MINUTES' TIME SHE'LL
BE IN MR. GRACE'S OFFICE.
I WOULDN'T MIND BEING A
FLY ON THE WALL UP THERE.
I COULD TELL YOU
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'D SEE...
TEA FOR TWO, A SILLY OLD MUFFIN
AND A TIRED OLD BIT OF CRUMPET.
- ( knocking )
- COME IN, COME IN.
HERE ARE THE RINGS YOU WANTED
TO HAVE A LOOK AT, MR. GRACE.
THANK YOU, MISS
ROBINSON. WHERE'S THE TEA?
JUST COMING, MR. GRACE.
- ( knocking )
- Grace: COME IN.
HOPE I'M NOT LATE.
YOU'RE EARLY. THE
TEA'S NOT ARRIVED YET.
Grace: DO SIT DOWN.
YOU KNOW MISS ROBINSON
OF THE JEWELRY DEPARTMENT?
HER SUPERIOR AND I
ARE OLD ACQUAINTANCES.
( knocking )
THAT'LL BE THE TEA. COME IN.
HERE YOU ARE A NICE POT
OF "ROSIE LEE," MR. GRACE,
AND YOUR USUAL
MUFFIN AND CRUMPET.
OH, THEY'RE NICE RINGS, EH?
PICK A BIG ONE, DARLING.
PICK THE HONEYMOON
SUITE ON THE GROUND FLOOR.
ONE FLIGHT OF STAIRS,
HE WON'T BE ABLE
TO GET HIS BREATH BACK
UNTIL AFTER BREAKFAST.
GET OUT.
I EXPECT YOU WONDER
WHY I ASKED YOU TO COME
AND HAVE TEA WITH ME.
WELL, A GIRL DOES HAVE
AN INKLING, YOU KNOW.
A WHAT?
AN INKLING.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S WHAT A GIRL HAS
WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING
SPECIAL IN THE AIR.
YOU MEAN LIKE HAY FEVER,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
- SHALL I POUR?
- YES, PLEASE DO.
I EXPECT YOU THINK
I'M AN OLD FOOL
GETTING MARRIED
AGAIN AT MY TIME OF LIFE?
ON THE CONTRARY, MR. GRACE,
YOU'RE VERY YOUNG IN SPIRIT
AND YOU NEED SOMEONE TO
TAKE YOU OUT OF YOURSELF.
YOU NEVER GO ON HOLIDAY, DO YOU?
THAT'S TRUE.
OF COURSE I DO REALIZE
THAT IT'S VERY DIFFICULT
FOR A MAN IN YOUR POSITION.
SUPPOSING YOU WERE TO TAKE
YOUR YACHT INTO THE CARRIBEANO?
YOU'D HAVE ALL THOSE
YOUNG GIRLS ALL OVER YOU,
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE RICH.
WOULD I?
AND THEY'RE ONLY AFTER
ONE THING, YOU KNOW?
ARE THEY?
WHEREAS IF YOU'RE MARRIED
TO A WIFE WHO'S DEVOTED TO YOU,
YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE
SOMEONE AT YOUR SIDE
AND BE PROTECTED
FROM ALL THAT...
SOMEONE TO HELP YOU
THROUGH YOUR TROUBLES,
HELP YOU THROUGH
LIFE'S WEARY PROBLEMS,
CHERISHING EACH
OTHER WHEN YOU'RE SICK...
( dryly ) AND ALL
THAT SORT OF THING.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL TO
YOU, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
YOU'VE HELPED ME
MAKE UP MY MIND.
I BROUGHT YOU HERE
TO CHOOSE A RING.
OH, MR. GRACE...!
THAT BIG ONE.
IT'S FOR MISS ROBINSON OF
THE JEWELRY DEPARTMENT.
I'VE HAD MY EYE ON
HER FOR SOME TIME...
ALMOST THREE WEEKS.
- MISS ROBINSON?
- BUT NOW YOU'VE SPOKEN TO ME,
YOU PUT ME RIGHT OFF
THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE.
THAT WAS THE LAST THING I
WANTED TO DO, MR. GRACE.
IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU. YOU
MUST HELP ME AGAIN SOME TIME.
IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
WHEN YOU COME TO MY TIME OF LIFE
YOU NEED THE HELP
OF AN OLDER WOMAN.
( coldly ) ANYTIME, FEEL FREE.
YOU HAVEN'T DRANK YOUR TEA.
I DON'T THINK I FANCY IT, NOW.
WELL, TAKE A MUFFIN,
IN CASE YOU FEEL LIKE IT LATER.
YOU'RE TOO KIND.
WELL... IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE IS.
- MRS. SLOCOMBE?
- YES, MR. GRACE?
ASK THE NEWSSTAND TO SEND ME
THE YACHTING NEWS, WILL YOU?
MISS BRAHMS, IT'S PAST CLOSING
TIME. YOU MAY GO IF YOU WISH.
NONE OF US ARE GOING TILL
WE'VE FOUND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.
MAYBE HE HAD THE VICAR
UPSTAIRS IN HIS OFFICE.
A FRIEND OF MINE DID
THAT ONCE, YOU KNOW.
HE HAD A SMALL SECTION OF THE
CHOIR HIDDEN BEHIND THE CURTAINS.
IT WAS VERY MOVING.
( elevator bell rings )
- Grainger: HERE SHE IS.
- ( applause )
DOESN'T SHE LOOK RADIANT?
TELL US EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENED.
WELL, BEFORE I DO, THERE ARE
ONE OR TWO THINGS THAT
I'D LIKE TO GET QUITE CLEAR.
MR. GRAINGER...
I TAKE IT THAT YOU
NO LONGER OBJECT
TO MY PRESENCE IN THE LADIES'
DEPARTMENT ON THIS FLOOR?
ON THE CONTRARY, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
THE LADIES' DEPARTMENT
WILL ALWAYS BE WELCOME.
AND I TAKE IT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK...
THAT YOU WILL NOT IN FUTURE
INSIST UPON THE LADIES'
DEPARTMENT DISPLAYING GARMENTS
WHICH THEY CONSIDER
TO BE IN BAD TASTE?
ALL GOODS ON DISPLAY
WILL BE ENTIRELY
AT THE DISCRETION
OF WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE.
GOOD. WELL, THAT'S
SETTLED, THEN.
SO, WHEN'S THE HAPPY DAY?
- TODAY!
- TODAY?
I TURNED HIM DOWN.
( theme music plays )
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ SECOND FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
♪ GOING UP... ♪
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
♪ MATERIALS, SOFT FURNISHINGS,
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
♪ GOING DOWN. ♪