Arctic Air (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - There's Gold in Them Thar Hills - full transcript

Previously on Arctic Air...

[Krista]: Blake.

[Blake]: After I broke off
my engagement with Krista,

I'm sure as hell
not going to walk away

just because it makes her
uncomfortable to have me around.

Kimbo!

"The Assassin" Comstock!

[Cece]: Them Comstock brothers,

got their fingers
in all sorts of crap.

You're going down, McAllister.

We're experiencing
some turbulence.



You'll have to fasten
your seat belt, please.

Are you pilot
or a friggin' stewardess?

Here it is, what a beauty.

Please do not touch the seats

with that greasy instrument.

- You're a cleaning lady, too, now, are you?
- A pilot has many responsibilities

search and rescue
happen to be one of them?

Well... what?

You think you can
land down there?

I can certainly try.

[(Groaning weakly]

He's alive.

We're going to get you
to a hospital.

We're going to fly you there.



[(Groaning and spluttering]

It's too late, fellas.

I'm... I'm all done in.

I didn't....
think I'd go this way.

Especially when I...

finally found

Swiftwater Hank McGee's
lost claim.

Yeah, sure, look,
you just take it easy.

We'll get you
to the hospital...

You can have the claim, fellas.

It's millions.

No good to me now.

Millions?

There's a-a map.

In my cabin.

You stake the claim.

Millions.

Millions...

In gold.

All yours.

No, he's just passed out.

Gold? Millions?

We're rich!

[♪]

Arctic Air 02x07
There's Gold In Them Thar Hills
Original Air Date February 27, 2013

Hey, relax.

Coffee in bed.

[Laughing] Oh, no.

I am not falling for that again.

What's the hurry?

Uh, I'm late?

You're late.

And I still have to go home

and get my work clothes.

This is crazy.

Yeah, it is crazy.

Mel's totally on my ass
about being late.

I mean this.

You running around

and having to go home
every morning.

And your stuff
is just all over the place.

Okay, where is my...

Hmm?

Ooh! Hello.

Look, I think you should be
bringing your work clothes here.

And I'll give you a drawer

to put your stuff in.

A drawer?

I'll clean one out tonight!

I'll see you at work.

It's too bad about the old man.

The doctors are
very pessimistic.

Yeah, well, we all
got to go sometime,

and I guess today is
Charlie McGray's time.

We should go to
his cabin immediately.

What for?

To find the map.

The gold.

Saltwater Hank.

[Laughs]

[Cackling]

It's "Swiftwater," by the way.

Swiftwater Hank.

That's just an old story.

A story with gold in it.

I would very much
like to hear it.

Okay...

About a hundred years ago,

a couple of trappers
came across Hank

dead in the bush,

mauled by a grizzly.

Anyway, they found
a note or something on him

that said he'd found this great
motherlode of gold.

Yeah, sure, right?

Well, in his pocket

they found a nugget

the size of an orange.

Well, every prospector
in the Yukon

went looking for that gold,

but nobody ever found it.

Until now!

Dev...

Charlie is old.

He's dying.

You don't go off on a gold hunt

because of crazy talk
from some dying old man.

Well, he seemed very
clear-headed to me.

Look, we can't just give up.

We should consult an expert.

Told you to cancel
this a month ago.

If that mine takes off,

we'll have
a customer for years.

So you've been saying
for months, and months.

It's putting us in the red.

Cancel it.

[Krista]: Mel's right. Headwinds
are terrible.

Fuel costs are sky high.

We've got to drop it.

You're porking her,
and she's still on my side.

Think you might
be wrong this time?

Nice, Mel.

I'll deliver it myself.

And cover the fuel costs.

Cover the fuel costs.

Thank you for the help.

Mel's right.

You made a bad deal.

You're still mad
about this morning.

This is business, not personal.

And, no, I'm not mad.

Was it the drawer thing?

You need space?
I'll give you a whole dresser.

Part of a closet even!

Krista!

Charlie McGray said

he found swiftwater Hank's
lost claim?

Yup.

I told him it was all a crock,

but he had to
hear it from you, so...

Charlie McGray

is one of the greatest
prospectors of our time.

He's a legend.

If he said

he found Swiftwater
Hank's claim...

Then he has found it!

I knew it!

Shh! Shh!

[Gulping emotionally]

Lord liftin'...

We've got to find that map.

Gold...
millions in gold!

Could be more, way more!

Billions.

[Laughing in glee]

Let's go!

[Chuckling happily]

Where are you going?

Where do you think?

Oh, I suppose you're
going to want a cut.

We'll split it three ways.

[Scoffs]

But a third of
a billion is only...

Three... three...

Well, it is less than
a half a billion anyway.

We'll give you 10%.

And where were you geniuses

going to look for
Charlie's cabin?

[Stammering]

Yeah. That's what I thought.

And, of course, you know

how to stake a gold claim.

A third of a billion

should be quite sufficient.

[Laughing]

Deal.

[All laughing together]

Shh! Shh!

Oh, right, shh! Shh!

Anyway...

None of this goes anywhere.

Shh!

[Clearing throat nonchalantly]

I just heard

from a couple of Arctic Air guys

that Charlie McGray

found Swiftwater Hank's
gold claim.

Boss!

Boss, boss, boss...

Boss! Boss!

Private call.

You're going to want
to hear this, Bruce!

I'll call you back.

You guys want

to borrow a plane
to look for gold in the Yukon?

Are you guys crazy?

We'll cut you in on the deal.

2% of the mine.

2% of nothing is nothing.

And there are

all kinds of wild
gold stories out there.

No, no,
Charlie McGray told us...

If Charlie McGray
was a great prospector,

why isn't he rich?

Charlie got cheated

out of every claim
he ever found.

But he found plenty.

Bobby,

this is the real deal.

It's a solid lead!

Look, I wish
I could help, but...

Bobby, listen.

You know how long
I've been waiting

for a break like this, right?

[Sighs heavily]

I mean, this
could be the big one.

And...

I really need this, Bobby.

I'm going to regret this.

[Laughing in glee]

You're the best, Bobby!

10%.

But that's millions.

For the loan of a plane?
This is criminal.

3%.

8%.

Five?

Deal.

I'll go prep the plane.

Greed is a terrible thing.

You need to get to gold river
right away.

My guy at Arctic Air tells me

that's where
McAllister's heading.

I've got a plane
waiting for you.

Do we get a piece
of the action?

Just make sure you beat
McAllister to the claim.

Won't be a problem, boss.

Why the hell

isn't that damn thing fixed

and back on my plane?

Because I was working on
the beaver all morning.

Where the hell is Cece?

He is in the Yukon,
looking for gold.

Him and Dev

and Jim.

Bobby let them

take a plane.

Get that damn engine done now.

I want it done yesterday!

Bobby!

You gave my plane
to the Three Stooges

for some cockamamie gold rush?

Your plane?

I thought I owned
a quarter of this company.

Okay.

You can loan out
a quarter of a plane.

The rest is coming
out of your pocket.

What's his problem?

Well, you loaned out a plane

without running it by us,

and you gave a pilot
and our head mechanic

the day off

without telling anybody.

Maybe that's his problem.

You're still
mad at me, aren't you?

I am not mad.

Why do you keep
trying to make this personal?

It is just business, Bobby.

I don't think

Charlie's at
his cabin right now.

Charlie's in the hospital.

He asked us to come
and pick up a few things.

That's too bad.

He's a tough old bird.

I expect
he'll bounce right back.

Yeah, I got two atvs
I can rent you.

But there are three of us.

Well, if you want to wait
for an hour or so,

Eddie Logan'll be back
from cutting brush.

An hour?

Or, Heck Atkins

should show up any time now.

He's got to start drinking
before noon.

Of course...

He could've brought
a bottle with him.

Is it absolutely necessary

to hit every rock on the trail?

You want to drive?

It is only

I have no junk in my trunk.

My bottom may never
be the same again.

Well, it's not exactly as if

I got a pillow under
my skinny old arse either!

Just keep thinking
about the gold!

I'm thinking,

I'm thinking!

[Revving engine]

We're never going to find a map

in this mess.

You neglected to say
Charlie was a slob.

I didn't know.

Perhaps we should all
take a little break.

That's a good idea.

I've got to go
to the outhouse anyway.

[Floorboard squeaking]

Wait.

[Floorboard squeaks]

This is it.

Yes!

Uh... uh...

[Dishes clattering]

Here, here, here...

We're right here.

And the gold

is there.

It's a bit of a hike.

It's going to be worth it.

Okay, I-I-I gotta go...

Okay, okay, okay.

Don't you guys
go anywhere without me...

Go, go, go!

[Flies buzzing]

[ATV engine roars up]

Hey, Jim.

Russell.

We want the map.

Map?

Oh, come on, don't make us
take it from you, McAllister.

Well, the last time

you took something from me,

it didn't turn out too well,

now, did it, Kimbo?

Last time, I was just playing.

This time, it's for real.

You know,

we could just take it
off your dead body.

You know, I might even
prefer that.

[Dev]: There is no need
for violence!

The map is in here!

[Sniggering]

Well...
[Clearing throat]

[Flies buzzing]

Smart move.
Totally chickenshit, but smart.

Perhaps we can make
an arrangement.

Share the gold.

Good idea.

Or let's make this arrangement.

You two, stay inside
until we're gone,

and you stay alive.

That, too, could work.

So long, Jimmy boy.

Hey.

We don't want
anybody following us.

Good idea.

[Shots echoing]

[ATV engines revving]

What do you mean stranded?

The Comstocks.

They trashed our ATVs.
We need help.

No way.

You guys got yourselves
into this,

you can get yourselves out.

We're in
the middle of nowhere, Bobby.

50 Miles from the plane.

Exercise will do you good.

It shouldn't take you
more than, what, two days?

Give me that.

He's on his way.

[Beeps phone off]

No way I'm leaving a pilot

and my chief mechanic

stranded in the bush,

even if they are numbskulls.

Get your ass in a plane.

I can't believe

you gave them that map.

They might have killed you.

And all is not lost.

I took a photo.

Of the map.

I wasn't sure
it would be clear enough,

but look.

Huh?

We can still find our way.

But it's too late.

The Comstocks
are miles ahead of us.

They'll stake the claim

and file before
we even get there.

[Cece]: I wouldn't be
too sure about that.

I put a handful of dirt
in each one of their gas tanks.

I figure those engines
should seize up any time now.

[Gasps]

[Chuckling]

We're still in the game!

Yes!

We've got the map,

and we lost McAllister
and that other clown.

That's good.

Yeah, but there's
just one hitch, Bruce.

What's the hitch?

We lost the ATVs.

Gonna need new transportation.

Piece! Of! Crap!

What's your location?
I'll see what I can do.

[Chuckling]

Oddest damn thing.

Gold river's never been
much of a tourist attraction

until today.

What about your truck?

Old Nellie?

I could rent her to you.

But it would be
a waste of your money.

You're not getting through there
with a four by four.

How many guys you say
you got to fetch?

Three.

Well, I think I know somebody
who can help you out.

[Chuckles]

Where's Bobby?

If he doesn't get here soon,

we'll never catch
the Comstocks in time.

Well, you seem to forget,

they're walking.

I don't care
if they're crawling.

We're just sitting here.

Who the hell packed the grub?

There's nothing
but beans in here.

All Canadians love beans.

Cowboy food.

Yeah, well, that's why
cowboys are a dying breed.

Oh, no, beans are a very
healthy vegetarian option.

There's got to be
some real food

around here somewhere.

[Chuckles ruefully]

Beans...

More beans.

Don't they put anything else
in cans these days?

Well, let's at least
have some coffee.

[Can rattling suspiciously]

Lord love a duck.

Boys?

Look what we got here.

[Bobby, outside]:
Jim! Cece!

You guys in there?

Hey, Bobby, you should see...

[Horse whinnies]

Transportation back into town.

You see?

Now we are cowboys!

This adventure is getting better
all the time.

There's no way

you're getting me on
one of them hay burners.

There's no way we're
going back to town.

Why the hell not?

This is why not.

You sure this is
the real thing?

It is most definitely sona!

The Seed of Agni!

The God of fire!

There's enough gold in here

to fill the teeth
of a hundred pirates.

He did it.

Old Charlie found

Swiftwater Hank's claim.

Well, let's go!

[All laughing happily]

[Groaning]

God, that ATV was like
riding in a rolls royce

compared to this beast.

You are right.

Perhaps the cowboy life
is not for everyone.

Hey, Jim, how many Miles
do we have left?

I'm thinking about 40.

All right, we should
give these guys a rest.

That's a great idea.

Why don't we camp here
for the night?

Whoa...

[Roars in pain]

[Groaning]

My arse feels like
it's been pinched

by a hundred-pound lobster.

[Groaning]

I, too, am feeling your pain.

Actually, no, it is
my pain I'm feeling.

I'll set up the tents?

No can do.

Horses can only carry so much,

so, claiming stakes

rate higher than tents.

Well, how did grub rate?

I have these.

A dying breed,

died of flatulence.

Good thing we're not
staying in tents, then.

Oh, that's really funny.

[Cat meows]

He was supposed to bring back my
pilot and mechanic,

not bugger off!

I think he just got swept away

in the whole gold rush thing.

I'm gonna sweep him
into his next life

if he doesn't get his butt
back here pronto.

I'm sure he'll be back
in a couple of days.

At the latest.

What about tomorrow's
flight to Fort Smith

he was so keen on?

I'll find somebody to cover it.

No. You'll do it.

Everyone else is flying.

Blake can copilot.

Tomorrow is his day off.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

[Groaning sleepily]

[Snoring]

[Gasps]

You're not...

Marie...

Breakfast, boys!

Let's eat up
and get out of here.

Didn't know
you could catch sardines

in this part of the country.

I see that you're
in a better mood this morning.

[Yawning]

I had the most glorious sleep.

I dreamed
I was sleeping in a den,

cuddled up next to a bear.

Lucky you didn't
get your head chewed off.

[Laughs]

Hey!

You seem a little jumpy.

Did you not sleep well?

I slept just fine.

Just don't... touch me.

[Chuckling]

Damn delivery truck's
been delayed.

Guess that means

we'll be waiting
for a couple hours

for the cargo.

Perfect.

My day off, and now
we're going to be stuck

for God knows how long.

Doesn't get any better
than this.

Thanks, Bobby.

Well, we could grab
a bite to eat

at "He Left An Hour Ago."

What?

The local watering hole.
Best burgers in the north.

And they got a pool table.

Pool?
No wonder he left.

[Chuckles]

Okay, well,
I'm going into town,

and you can come if you want.

What else am I going to do?

[Scoffs]

You gotta relax
in your saddle, Dev.

Loosen your reins a bit.

It is difficult
to trust an animal

who sleeps standing up.

Careful.

Horses can pick up on

the attitude of their riders.

Okay, that's good to know.

Wait.

[Roar of distant engines]

There they are!

On ATVs!

I thought you said

you took care
of those machines...

I did take care of
those machines.

There's no way
oh God's earth...

Let's go!

Whoa!

I'm thinking positive thoughts!

Those aren't even
the same friggin' ATVs.

There's the bridge.

Was a bridge.

So where did they go?

They've got to be
around here somewhere.

[Comstocks shouting]
Aw, no bridge!

Uh-oh!
Sucks for you guys!

See you later, suckers!

[Cackling]

[Laughing in triumph]

Do we really have to do this?

Just a game or two.

Do you even know how to play?

A little.

You?

I used to be pretty good.

Well then, you can teach me.

I can teach the lady

how to hold a stick.

Excuse me?

We're okay on our own.

Yeah, but it's my table.

Your table?

Yup.

I'm the champ.

You wanna play here,
you play me.

Okay.

We'll take you on.

Bad idea.

You said you were good.

50 a game sound all right?

Absolutely.

Really bad idea.

Now, because you're a girl,

I'm gonna give you
a two-ball handicap.

Thanks, but we'll just
shoot straight up.

Woman's libber, eh?

Well, you're gonna
regret that, honey.

But I'm a gentleman,

so I'm going to let you break.

Thanks.

Go ahead...

"Honey."

Four ball, side pocket.

Well, this is gonna be fun.

[Laughing]

That's okay.

We climb down,

cross the river
and go to the other side.

Are you completely
off your nut?

It's a hundred feet
straight down to...

Hell.

Cece is right.
It's too dangerous.

You guys can go back.

I'm not giving up.

Nor am I.

Where is your sense
of adventure?

I'll tell you where it's not,

down at the bottom
of that river.

There might be

a way to a river crossing.

There's a hill
with a goat trail

about a mile from here.

Yes. All right,
let's go, let's go!

[Pebbles falling]

[Cece]: "Small hill,"
he called it.

[Rock crumbling]

My God. Oh, my God...

Oh, my God.

Where's your sense
of adventure now, kid?

I believe it has been swallowed

by my sphincter.

Yours and mine both.

[Groans]

[Gasping]

[Groans]

I hate heights!

I am not loving them either.

Dear sweet Lord,

I swear,

you get me down
out of here alive,

and I will quit drinking
dark rum.

On Sundays.

Game.

Boy, it's like having
my own ATM here.

[Laughing]

Again.

Are you sure?

I could take your money
all day long, blondie.

Give us a chance to get even.

Let's make it 200.

Uh, Krista?

We've already lost twice.

You want to throw
more money away?

Hey, buddy.

Your girl wants to play.

Maybe you should take a hike?

Yeah? And why don't
you shut the...

Okay, let's...

Just rack 'em.

Right.

I think I'll take this one.

Ah, catch me!

[Laughing]

That was most incredible.

Truly transcendental.

I have never felt so alive.

Cece!

Did you...

You can do it!

Think of the gold, my friend!

I am thinking!

[Rock crumbling]

I'm thinking
I'm gonna take a dirt nap.

Come on, Cece!

You can do it!

You've just got to keep moving.

You keep moving!

I'll just wait here
until you get back.

We're never going to
catch them at this rate.

University costs 15 grand a year!

That's 60 grand per degree.

Times seven kids,

that's 420,000 for the lot!

All right.

That's it! That's it!

Way to go, Cece!

Keep moving, keep moving.

Whoa!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

You are a regular spiderman.

And you...

are a regular idjit.

Okay, you guys, come on.

We gotta get moving.

Eight ball,

corner.

[Scoffing] Yeah, right.

[Blake]: Yes!

[Chuckling]

Okay, time to go.

I was just starting
to have fun.

If you don't leave now,

they're going to
break your thumbs.

I believe
I have just been hustled.

What?

This is it.

This is Charlie's claim!

[All laughing in triumph]

We made it!

♪ We made it, we made it... ♪

[Laughing and singing]

♪ Hi-diddly-diddly... ♪

Hey, hey, hey...

Charlie still had a couple
of days to file his claim.

Poor guy never had any luck.

So, what do we do now?

We pound in our stakes.

[Cece]: What for?

I mean, there's got to be
stakes all over the place here,

why don't we just
put our name on 'em?

No, we're not doing that.

Charlie's stay.

Out of respect for the old man.

Well, how many of
our stakes do we need?

About 40?

What are you talking about, 40?

Four posts per claim.

10 claims.

1500 feet square per claim.

Is that all?

Well, if it was easy,
everyone would be doing it.

Start your engines.

[Laughing eagerly]

You are a hustler.

You were gonna hustle me

until that cowboy came along.

Sorry.

Habit.

Some kids baby-sat.

I played pool.

I wouldn't have
taken your money.

[Doubtfully] Yeah.

Oh, God, the look
on that guy's face

when you beat him?

That was worth the trip.

[Laughs]

God, it felt like
old times today, hey?

Easy.

I mean, you know, before we...

No, yeah.

It felt good.

I'm happy you're happy.

You and Bobby.

Thanks.

And I'm happy for
you and Alex.

Wait.

You knew?

Really?

We tried keeping it quiet.

Yeah, like that ever works.

[Chuckling]

I'm done.

[Sighs]

That's the last one.

[Gunshot splinters stake]

What the...?

[Shots blasting]

Let's go, let's go!
Let's get out of here!

[Cackling in triumph]

[Shooting rounds]

Go! Go!

Look at 'em run.

They'll be halfway back
to Yellowknife by tonight.

Stay down.

We've got to get to
the claims office

before them.

How?

I've got a plan.

They're ripping up our stakes.

I'll go back with Jim.

You guys stay hidden
until they're gone,

and then you replace
our stakes.

What?

You mean, we have to
do it all over again?

If you want the gold.

I gave up Sunday rum for this?

[Laughs]

[Call ringing]

Krista?

Where are you?

Look, I need a helicopter.

What?

I need you to come pick us up

and then fly us to
the claims office in Whitehorse.

You've got to be kidding.

[Sighs]

Please, Krista.

Bobby, that is a long flight.

Look, this could be
worth millions,

possibly billions.

Well, you'd better hope so.

Yup.

Blake took the helicopter
to pick up Bobby and Jim

and fly them
to the claims office.

Oh, and, uh,

there's someone here for you.

Didn't expect to see you.

We made it.

We're gonna be millionaires!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Outta my way, McAllister.

Over my dead body.

With pleasure.

Charlie?

You're wasting your time.

Charlie McGray?

I thought you were dead.

Well, I thought I was a goner.

Turned out I was just dried up.

Dehydration, doctor said.

Sorry to disappoint you boys.

Now, listen, I'd like to
give you a little something

for your troubles.

Something you can
take to the bank.

Now, the next time

you go staking a claim,

make sure you get there first.

Hey!

Where are the other two idiots?

Uh... they're...

[Gasping]

I simply cannot pound in
one more stake.

[Wolf howls distantly]

Just keep thinking
about the gold.

I'm thinking,

I'm thinking...

[Boxes clattering]

[Sighs angrily]

How hard is it
to pound in a few stakes

and get your asses
over to the claims office?

Get the hell out of my sight.

Now!

Counting the plane,

the helicopter,

fuel for both,

pilot time,
lost mechanic hours...

$67,422

and 14 cents.

That's what your little
gold rush cost us.

I should take it
out of your salaries,

but, just this once,

I'll let it go.

From now on,

when I say no, it's no,

especially when it comes to
half-cocked gold mining schemes.

It was a sure deal.

Until a dead guy
came back to life,

and you happened to fly him

back...

You finished?

Good.

Everyone back to work.

Except you.

Okay, look, I know.

They screwed up.

I should have
stopped them somehow...

Charlie offered me

7% of his find

for flying him
to the claims office.

What?

With any luck,

it will way more than
cover expenses.

[Chuckles]
Well, I'm glad to hear

that worked out for you, Mel.

Just don't say

a word about this to Bobby.

Oh, not a chance.

[Chuckles]

Well, that little gold rush

only cost me three days' work.

But it was worth it.

It was hard, it was painful,

we did not get any gold,

but we had

an adventure!

Someday, we will try again!

Hmm?

Well, I guess it
could've been worse.

The friggin' Comstocks

could have got
their hands on it.

And if anyone
deserves that claim,

it was Charlie.

To Charlie, then.

To Charlie.

To Charlie.

There's something
I got to ask you.

As long as it has
nothing to do with gold.

No...

[Laughs]

You know, I shouldn't have
offered you a drawer,

or just a part of a closet,

because I think

you should have lots of drawers
and lots of closets.

Look, I want to
wake up with you every morning.

So...

I want you to move in with me.

Uh, Bobby...

I... oh...

We've got a good thing.

Mm-hmm.

And I like...

my home.

My life.

And us.

I mean, why complicate it?

So, it's not about commitment?

No.

We're committed.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Laughing] Right.

So drawer or no drawer?

Maybe it's stupid,
and maybe it's superstitious,

but that scares me.

I don't want to change anything.

I don't want to mess up

a great thing.

So, no drawer.

[Chuckles]

Just us.

Just, just...

the way we are.

All right.

Just keep leaving your clothes
on the floor.

[Laughs]

My place tonight?

Absolutely.

[Sighs]