Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 1 - Érase una mudanza - full transcript
Vicenta
Come here, it's starting now
No, I'm going to lie down
I've got this burning feeling inside me
What do you expect? Single all your life!
In my stomach!
Why do you always have to keep reminding me that I never got married?
I decided to wait for the man of my dreams
It looks like he's taking his time sweetheart
I don't need a man to be happy, not like you
since Manolo left you, you're so bitter
That's a lie!
I was bitter from before then
It was all Dad's fault
Why?
If I say 11 o'clock, that means 11 o'clock
Why doesn't that girl ever listen to me?
Call her on her phone
she doesn't answer me!
We buy her a phone and she's making us pay for it
My boy, if I tell you, be here at 11 o´clock, what do you understand by that?
Be here at 11, right?
This one's got it, he'll do great things…one day
She must have got held up a bit
Look, she's young, she's 17
She likes to have a good time, go out with boys, flirt a bit
When I was her age...
When she gets back, she's gonna hear it from me, you'll see
Alicia, are we going or what?
I'd like to meet some guys who aren't drunk yet
I'm ready now
Right let's go
Are you going like that?
Yeah
Well I'm not going then
Why do you always have to do this to me?
Come on, girl!
Afterwards they always start talking to you
Yeah, to ask me your name. It's so humiliating
Why do you always have to be so negative?
Well look, because I'm too old for that stuff now, I'm almost 30
And I don't have my own flat or my own house
or my own car, I don't have anything
How much longer are we gonna keep on living like we're sixteen-year olds?
Shall we go?
Alright let's go
But it's the last time I'm going out, okay? Got that?
Yeah, yeah!
I mean it, the last time!
Sure
You always do this to me
Where can they be off to at this time?
What do you care?
It's just that those two spend more time out at night than Batman
If I find out, I'll stop renting them the flat
No Beatriz, I'm keeping the boy
This week it's my turn. You can take him on Sunday
I'm like a car
I've got a right to enjoy my son too!
That's it!
I'm going out for a drink
But what about the boy?
Oh come on Mum! They won't let him in where I'm going
Really!
But why can't we take the ferry to Ibiza?
Because by the time we go there and come back, the weekend will be gone
I can't get on a plane, Fernando, I can't
Are you listening? I can't!
Mauri please, Ibiza's just round the corner, only 40 minutes on the plane
40 minutes? That's enough for it to crash
What are you going on about? Plane's the safest form of transport there is
Look, the worst that can happen to you is you could lose your suitcase
Oh perfect! First they're gonna kill me and then they're gonna lose my suitcase
Everything's a drama
No, I can't go. Okay, I'll call you
Natalia, have you seen what time it is?
Well? Haven't you got anything to say for yourself?
You're grounded! You'll stay in your room!
Don't be so hard on her!
She's seen nothing yet
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's always the same
and I couldn't imagine it when I came to this place
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a riot
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch my every move
I can't take this place
Put together and give a good shake
a volcano and an earthquake
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Lucia, would you mind opening the door?
This is heavy
I know it's heavy sweetheart, but you're not the only one carrying things
Why don't you try using the key?
Because the caretaker was supposed to give it to me
Do you see the caretaker? No, so there's no keys
Well call a neighbour to let us in then
You promised you'd be in a good mood during the move in
I am in a good mood
I'm not jumping for joy cos the TV's heavy
Hello?
Hello good morning, we're the new neighbours, we can't find the caretaker and
We haven't got the keys
And what makes you think that fool's in my house?
Yeah but.. but.. well, could you open the door for us?
No no no! I don't open to strangers
How rude!
Okay, call another one
Why don't you put the TV on the ground?
Because then I'll have to pick it up again
Hello?
Hi, good morning, I'm the new neighbour, would you mind...
No no, we don't want anything
Yes but... but...wait
Don't let them in Marisa! I don't know who they are
Well, the neighbours are nice, I think we've fallen on our feet
Yeah well surely someone will end up letting us in, right?
No, I don't think so
Hang up señora!
But it's only 12 o´clock
Belen, are you awake?
They're ringing on the intercom
You don't say
But who is it?
Your period, it fits
Well I'm not getting up
I don't know who to call
Well, that's enough. Look Lucia, if someone doesn't open the door for me right now...
What? What are you gonna do?
I don't know. But we'll have to do something right? Winter's coming
Oh, good morning
Thanks so much, señora, thanks vso much!
If my girlfriend wasn't here in front of me, I'd give you a kiss
Sorry?
Nothing, ignore him. We're the new neighbours and we don't have the keys yet
And nobody would open the door for us
Oh really? What about the caretaker, Emilio?
Good question
Who killed JFK? Where's the caretaker?
If you don't mind, I'll make my way upstairs
Pleased to meet you, señora
Yes yes come in, I'll come with you
My name's Vicenta and this is Valentin
Nice to meet you
I'm Lucia and that's Roberto
What did I tell you?
Here are the keys, Emilio always leaves them in the same place
But anyone could take them from there!
No, not anyone, only those of us who know they're there
Lucia, can you open the door for me please?
No no no, you're not allowed to go up in the lift
We'd better take the stairs instead
What's that?
We only use it to come down
It breaks down a lot. I think they want to change it
Well, let them change it then. I'll wait here
Come on, let's go sweetheart. It's only 3 floors
Oh only 3? If it's only 3 floors, that's alright
You're going to love the folks in the building
We're all very young
I live here, in 1A with my sister
Do you want to meet her?
No no no, we'd love to but maybe some other time
Marisa! Marisa! Come out for a minute
What's going on? I thought you were going shopping
These are our new neighbours from the third floor
Just what we needed! More youngsters
You at least married are though, right?
Well not yet, but we're about to tie the knot
Really?
Look, give me the trolley and I'll go for the shopping
It was a pleasure
Same here
Don't pay any attention to her! She's a joker
Come on Mauri, please. We're gonna miss the plane
We're going to Ibiza by plane. I'm so happy
He's taken a tranquiliser and he's hysterical
Look Fernando, these are our new neighbours from the third floor
A historical moment, say something
Help!
Welcome, I'm Fernando and this is Mauri
And we're going because we're gonna be late
See you on Monday!
Vicenta, would you mind giving the keys to Emilio?
He needs to feed Versace
Who's Versace?
My pet. He's a little rabbit
Mauricio!
Coming!
Well then? Can we continue the climb?
They're the neighbours opposite us. My sister swears they're gays
But I think they're homosexuals
Well you never know
Exactly
Now you can meet Concha
No I mean because she'll be spying through the peephole
I wasn't spying through the spyhole
It's just that you’re making so much racket
Hey who are this lot?
The new neighbours
They're not married but they're about to tie the knot
Pleased to meet you
We're on our official tour of the building
Good morning, hello
Watch out for her!
Fuck, this is like playing playstation, it's like you’ve got to the next level
The new neighbours, right?
Well I'm Paloma and this is my husband
I'm Juan Cuesta, President of the community, welcome
Pleased to meet you
Nice TV, must have set you back you a few quid
Thanks for reminding me, I was thinking about dropping it
Wait wait, let me help you
There! Be careful, don't have an accident now
Come on, let's go upstairs
These two will be looking forward to getting settled in
I'll come up for a second and then I'll be right on my way
cos I've got a lot of stuff to do
Yeah, go watch TV
Well then thanks a lot really. Thanks for everything
You're welcome
Not at all. Welcome!
If you need something
Anything
We're like one big happy family here
You're going to have to paint!
See, I told you about the lead, son
I don't like them. I don't know why but I don’t like them one bit
And when have you ever liked anyone?
I'm telling you, those two won't tie the knot
What about the flat? Did they buy it fifty-fifty?
I don't know, I didn't ask them
Sloppy!
Well for me as long as they pay their share of the bills...
Well then? What do you think of it?
We'll paint it, sort out the floor, change the bathroom
get a few new pieces of furniture
and it'll be as good as new, right?
How easy I had it living at home with my parents
What was that?
No, no, I was saying it has a lot of light
Yeah, have you seen the bedroom?
The bedroom? No, I haven't seen it
And who's that?
The caretaker! Hey, hey, wake up!
what's going on here?
Er hi, how's it going?
Great! Do you remember me?
We're the ones you were you supposed to give the keys to
Yes, of course. Sorry, it's just that I came up here to fix a few sockets and I got dizzy and I don't know what happened
Give your hair a comb. One of them gave you an electric shock
Ah by the way, they've delivered the bed
And how is it?
Well it's a bit hard to be honest
But once you roll around on it a bit, it'll be fine
Sure
The plastic...I took off the plastic because the bed was so hot
Well I'll have to leave you because I've got a lot of things to do
If you need me, you know where to find me
Right see you later then
Bye
Well
Shall we clean?
Yeah!
Sit down now! We're about to eat
I'm not hungry
That doesn't matter, you'll eat!
Natalia! What's that girl up to!
Juan, make space
Fuck, not lentils again!
Yes, lentils again
Natalia! I'm not calling you again!
I'm here now, you're so annoying
Why do we always have to eat so early?
When are the ones on the third floor gonna move all their stuff in?
Lentils! No way! I'm not eating that
You sit down! I don't know, I haven't spoken with them
Remember how the ones who left left the hallway and the staircase
Natalia, leave your mobile alone while you're eating, will you?
But I'm not eating, Dad
In Danny's house, they always eat at 3
I'll go down and talk with Emilio in a bit so that they tell me when the van arrives
We can't have them starting to ignore you from the beginning...
No, no, nobody ignores me
Dad, she's ignoring you
Stop playing with the food, will you?
The important thing about the new neighbours is for them to be polite, respectable people and good neighbours like us
And at Danny's, they're always having pizza!
Shut up now, will you
Good morning! It's such a nice day outside, don't you think?
I'm gonna make something, I'm so hungry...
Why do you always have to wake up in a good mood?
It's a nice day, I slept well...I’m happy
Today's one of those days when I feel good
You sound like a toilet advertisement
Besides, tonight we've got a date
Alicia, don't you think instead of going out to look for guys, we should go out and look for a job?
Raul's gonna bring you a friend...you'll fall off your seat when you see him
Athletic, 35, 1 metre 90, and on top of that, he's a doctor!
If I don't like him, at least he can prescribe me something for the hangover
It won't fit, it won't go in the lift through there, that's what I keep telling you, fuck this sofa
Come on, you, push it from the top!
That's what I'm doing, the problem is this thing weighs more than a carnival float
Hey you, the junk mail goes in the letter boxes! Wait till I get my hands on you!
Hey hey hey, hang on a second
I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
What's going on here?
Señor Juan, I keep telling them it won't go in there, but they wanna keep pushing and pushing until they break...
I inform you that the use of the lift for transporting goods is strictly forbidden
Yeah but we're only using it to take up the sofa
But you can’t take the sofa up in there!
According to the community byelaws...
Ok, ok alright, fine we'll go up the stairs then
What's that?
You can't take it up the stairs, you'll scratch all the walls!
And the bannisters and the wooden steps!
Obviously this needs to be lifted up by a forklift
Right
But we didn't bring the forklift because the client told us it wasn't needed
Well it is needed, it's clearly needed!
What was your client thinking? Forklift!
Please put all this back on the van again
Who is this pain in the arse?
I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
President of the government you mean
Hey hey there's no need to be rude
It's me, Concha
No, Concha! No, for God's sake
Goodness me! Look what you've done to my flat!
Good morning, Doña Concha, what a surprise to see you here
I've come for the rent which you were supposed to pay me last night
Hang on a second
It smells of men in here!
You know you're not allowed to bring men up to the house
Doña Concha, you know we never bring anyone up
No, no, never, never
You can't fool me, come on, the rent!
There you go. And remember the washing machine's got a leak
Not as though you use it much anyway
You always give me small notes!
To pull a fast one on me!
No, no, count it
Of course I'll count it but at home
And clean this up, you slobs!
See you later
bye gorgeous
bye
Let's hope she doesn't count it, yesterday I took 50 euros from it for the drinks
Great
The sofa will have to stay like that then
The sofa can't stay there! Take it away from here right this instant!
Hi. Are you the caretaker?
No, I just mop floors for fun
Wow you're a bit of a weirdo, man
Of course I'm the caretaker, what do you want?
What's up? I'm Paco, the new sales assistant in the video store
I just get bored, you know
Paco, if you tread over there, I'll kill you
Okay, okay
You know, I'm really a film director
Sure, sure, I was a model but I got tired of showing off my arse
I said no! Besides, every new tenant is under the obligation
to inform the community of the exact date and time of the move in addition to any other such noteworthy events
And they haven't said anything
So this is going back on the lorry again
Take care of it please
Look mate if this Pokemon doesn't shut up, I'm gonna give him a bloody good beating
What did you call me?
Sorry, calm down, calm down
We've gotta go eat now, it's lunch time and we need to put petrol in the van
We don't have to work this afternoon, do we?
No, come on, let's get outta here
Hey where are you going? Where are you going?
This can't stay here!
Emilio, take care of this, it's a disgrace
And let me know when they come back, ok?
They don't know who they're dealing with
Now I'm lumbered with the sofa!
I've had enough of this shit
Hey look, it's one of those remote controls, I'll hang on to this
But you're not gonna nick it, surely?
No, not me, this was lost by the delivery men
What sons of bitches, man!
You're telling me
Well I'm taking this
What for? It's a picture of the girl who's moved in
Yeah! To make it look like I've got a girlfriend
Hey do you reckon there's a picture of her topless?
Good morning
Fuck, who's that, man?
A god, a front page model, a phenomenon...I dunno what she is but she does things to me
What are you looking at!
Doña Marisa, could you watch where you step because I'm mopping?
Well about time!
How's everything?
What do you care
Fair point
For God's sake! And no lift as well. You're doing a great job as caretaker aren't you?
I'm gonna talk with the President, sweetheart, get him to make you open a tobacco stall
Open a tobacco stall? What for?
So you smoke
Man she's smoking hot, does she live alone?
Her? No, hell no. With her sister
No, the one with the mini-skirt
No, she lives with Belén, the typical minger friend who's always bitchy because she never gets any action
Belén...Belén...another Belén, not this Belén
Alright Belèn. How are you doing?
Great
There's nothing like a nice compliment to brighten up your day, right?
Sure
Moron!
Have you been working here long, man?
7 years
What a miracle!
Well yeah
Sweetheart, I don’t think it's coming off
The drawing on the tile
Are you done now?
Yes. I'm done and I’m bloody fed up with it now
How about going to get something to eat?
What? No way, what if they come with our stuff?
Shit, our stuff, I'd forgotten about that
You know I'd almost rather they didn’t come
Are you gonna tell me what's the matter with you?
You've been grumpy all day
No, I'm just hungry, but don't worry, I'll get over it
No, you're giving me the impression you're not excited about us moving in together
No, of course I'm excited
But this is shit!
Hey I was alright with my parents too as well you know
So why did you tell your dad to buy you this flat then?
Because before we get married, first we have to find out if we're compatible
Before what?
Right look...I’m gonna buy something to eat
I'm gonna take a bath
Have we got soap?
No, we've got fairy liquid!
Hi how's it going?
Hi
How are you settling in?
Fine, fine thank you
And where are you off to?
To buy a few things we need
What at this time? No, no, come in, I've got everything here
No no no, thanks all the same, I wanna get a bit of fresh air
Come on, come in and I'll show you the house
Come on, silly, you're dying to see it
Go on, in you come
Just for a minute ok?
Right, sit in this leather sofa
Well I'm really pleased you've moved here
There you go
Come on man! You wanna pay for some seeds with a 50 euro note?
Oh alright some seeds and a lolly
Right I'll go get change, watch things here for me for a minute
Ok but hurry up cos I've got a load of stuff to do
Hello, good afternoon, how are we doing?
Shit! No way, you're Palita!
No, I think you've confused me with someone else
No, you did your military service with me, I'm Emilio from Córdoba, the one who...
No, that can't be right. I haven't done military service.
I'm a conscientious objector. I've never done military service
Look Palita I know we had a few run-ins in the barracks but come on, we can put that behind us, can't we?
Now I know what it is, I remind you of someone and I think it's from my movies
Well Palita, I'm sorry you've forgotten about your old friends but, anyway, what I can do for you?
If you would be so kind, I'm looking for a Robert Aldrich film, Emperor of the North
Okay, it sounds like a dirty film I'll find it for you in just a second, hang on
Well they're all dirty in it all the time but it's not a dirty film
You must be Santiago Segura
Hey you over there, where's Paco? I've brought him back a film
Wait a second for fuck's sake boy, what's the rush?
Hey
Hi
Torrente 2 is worse than the first one
Look here boy, hasn't your mum told you that if the truth's not nice to hear, best keep your mouth shut
Did you know that Mortadelo and Filemon made more money in the box office?
What an interesting fact. Just what I wanted to know.
Anyway, little man, let me tell you that they made more money because their tickets were more expensive...because of the Euro
Really in terms of viewers, Torrente 2 is still the best
I say you're wrong because in terms of viewers the best one is The Others
Yeah but that's an English film so it doesn't count, anyway they had Nicole Kidman
Who did I have? Gabino Diego?
Are you going be here for a while kid? Maybe you should go and give that brain of yours some fresh air
I can't get change anywhere, man....No shit! Santiago Segura!
Hello
How's it going, man?
Is that guy famous or something?
Yeah, really
You know what, since you can't help me, I'll come back another time
Hey what was I gonna say to you, Palita? Oh yeah, could you introduce me to María Belén Esteban?
Of course. Because I'm famous, I know everybody else who's famous...
Everybody, and I'll introduce you to her because when has Palita ever let you down right?
Remember the shots we drank together, those guards….
You couldn't fool me
No way man, I'm a film director too
Small world
Hey man, I'll show you my film clips, alright?
Yes, is it necessary?
Yeah, they're really good, come on
Alright, what are you waiting for? I'm not going anywhere
Palita I don't remember the name of the lieutenant...
Tell him to send the clips here, ok?
Bye kid, nice talking to you
Hey don't forget about Belén please
Yeah yeah
Where is he? Has he gone?
Yep, he was in a hurry, here, take this
Send them here
Hey, what did you say that guy's name was?
Come on, seriously! Santiago Segura!
No. That was Palita. It's just that he got famous and he changed his name like all the stars do
Come on, give me the seeds
Come on son, hurry up and decide, I've still got another 4 buildings to visit
I don't know, this one about the piano tuner...what's it about?
A man who tunes pianos
Yeah but what happens to him? Does he have a life this man or what?
I don't know. Read it and you'll find out
Listen what other offers do you have for this month because...
A set of Jackie Chan videos and Ufito the dinosaur
Oh now you've really given me a hard choice!
Oh come on, have you read the ones from last month yet?
No way! I can't be arsed for reading
Why did you join the club then?
To help you out!
Hey Dad, don't be a pain in the arse about this or I'll leave right now
That wouldn't be helping your father out
Let's do this...I'll leave you the catalogue, take a look, think about it, and I'll call by again tomorrow
Ok, alright
Alright?
Yeah, sorry Dad, I'm really stressed
Stop it with the kisses! Your mother says aren't you ever gonna give her a call?
It's true I need to call her
Hey, don't twist the neighbours' arms too much or later they'll get on at me about it
Don't come back late
And behave yourself with the other kids
Hey cut that out, Mum I'm off
But are you going out again, son?
Cut it out
But when do you sleep?
At the office
You see, now I'm late, she's gonna kill me
Who are you meeting?
a lady friend
I don't like her
Me neither but she's only after a bit of action
It's clear I'm not wanted in this house!
Fuck! The delivery men!
Hello
Hello, you're not Ofelia Cocanobas!
No, and you?
Me neither obviously
No no, I know, I meant, who are you?
From the book club, I came to bring her this month's order
Oh right, well what's-her-name must have moved cos we've just bought this house
Right right, and you wouldn't be interested in joining the group, I take it?
Oh well I don't know, do you mind if I think about it when I've got a few more clothes on?
No, don't worry, I'll come back another day
Oh shit!
I can't believe it
Alicia?
Alicia, hurry up, it's the first time in 2 years that a guy's waiting for me
Alicia!
Hi! How's it going?
This is a sign, you know, it's gonna be a good night
I'm the new neighbour
Oh right, and what are you trying to do? To get them to make you president of the community
I'll vote for you
No, no, look, the door just closed on me and I haven't got keys on me
I was taking a bath and...
And?
And I left the tap on!
Well, we've all got problems. See you later
Hey do you want to come in and call or something?
As soon as you see a naked guy, you want to bring him home
Well lovely to meet you, good luck
Hey what's happening, girls? Are you off on the hunt?
There's a man just wearing a towel looking for you
For me? No way
He must have got the wrong guy, Alicia, You're going down, right?
What a sweet life, right? Parties all day, upstairs, downstairs
Belen's got a date
What? No shit, really? What a miracle
Why did you have to go telling this moron about it?
What's wrong? Why's it stopped?
Damn, the lift must have got stuck
What are you talking about? I saw you press the stop button
No! It stopped by itself
What's wrong with you, man? I saw you press stop
Belén, Belén! Calm down, I didn't see him do anything
He wants to ruin my date
Yeah, yeah, that's right. I just wanted to play a little prank on you
That's not funny you know
But we can go down now Señorita Alicia
What's wrong now?
Well, it won't go down
Hey, no more of your games, got that?
It's not a game, I swear Señorita Belén. It won't go down. For fuck's sake!
What time were we supposed to meet them?
10 minutes ago
Perfect, perfect
I'm going to the game
Bye Gran
Shit!
Who's there?
Lucia!
Vicenta! Concha's here
Right, now I'm here to be naughty!
Is this towel yours? I found it lying on the stairs
Let's see, yeah it's mine, come on, let's have a drink and a chinwag
Wait a minute, don't start without me!
I'll be right back, I'm gonna give these keys to Emilio
What are those keys?
They're for the neighbours' house across the hall.
They've gone away for the weekend and as they couldn't find Emilio, they gave them to me
I'll be right back
Hang on a second, wouldn't you like to settle your doubts?
About what?
About whether the neighbours are gay or not
Come on, let's take a look
Are you mad? But you can't go snooping around in someone else’s house!
I'm coming with you
Who's taken the towel?
Please, don't scream, don't scream, please
Why would I scream? Nice butt you've got there
Come on, hurry up
Wait, I haven't got my glasses on
Watch out, watch out!
Hello
Hello
Where can she be off to at this time?
Some parents!
They're gonna catch us!
Hey what are you doing with the watering can?
If they ask, we'll say we're going to water the plants
What plants?
Well if they're gays, they must have loads of plants, don't you reckon?
I don’t know
That's it, in we go
What we're doing isn't right at all
So when's the wedding then? Have you fixed a date?
Err no, not yet
Just as well because you've caught me without a dress for it
Well look, Paloma, I'd better get going because I've got loads of things to buy...
No, no, sit down, I've got everything you could need here, everything
So your dad bought you the flat naturally?
How do you know that?
No I just figured because flats are so expensive at the moment
How much did it cost then?
Well I don't know. You know as it was a present...
Oh how lovely
So you won't have a mortgage or anything then?
How nice for you
Come on, let's go see what's in the bedroom
Oh God, I'm so nervous
What are you doing?
I think something's fallen over
Don't move, I'll switch the light on
Well...we've got off on the right foot
Really Paloma, you didn't need to bring out any food because I've got to go
No, no, we've got to get to know each other better
Listen you were really lucky with that flat you know
Life here's great, well you know we could be living in a house with a pool and everything
but we still prefer this
Sure
Well, what do you think? Do you like my place?
I think this one's a bit bigger than yours
Well just at a glance I don't know, I couldn't say
Yes, take it from me, I know because I was looking at buying your flat at one time
We wanted to make a duplex apartment but the trouble is that to refurbish your place to make it like this was so expensive
Well, one step at a time
Sure, when we buy the house by the beach, we'll hire the same decorator
What? Was this done by a decorator?
No, silly! I did this!
And you fell for it!
Come on, drink up girl, drink up!
Paloma, I've gotta go because my boyfriend's waiting for me
By the way, what does your boyfriend do?
Roberto's an architect and he works from home drawing comics
Oh comic books! So you support him then
No, no, he earns his own living
Oh right, and hey, he's younger than you, isn't he?
No, he's a year older than me
Really? Wow, he doesn't look it, you know as he's short, he looks more childlike
But you make a good couple, I know about these things
Thanks very much
But yeah your kids are gonna turn out short though
Because you're gonna want kids, right?
Girls, girls! Look what I've found!
What?
Some boxers
Well? So what?
I don't know!
Oh well done, Vicenta! Now at least we know they wear underwear
Look, here there's a photo album, I bet...
That's it ladies, keep on breaking stuff, now what are we going to do?
The best thing to do is to clean it all up and throw it away, maybe they won't notice
Of course they'll notice, even you'd notice!
Hey why don't we turn the place upside down as if they'd been burgled?
I've seen it in films
What? No, I'm not getting involved, I'm getting out of here
What's wrong now?
On second thoughts I'll stay with you
Good, come on, give us a hand then
Wow, a new guy! I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
I'm Paco, assistant of the video store
I came to see if you could recommend me something for tonight
I don't know, maybe a mystery film perhaps
Mystery? Well, take, this one!
Agustin Powers
Austin Powers!
But this isn't a mystery film, is it?
The mystery is how it did so well in the box office considering how crap it is
I'll take this one. Charlie’s Angels
The best actor in that is Robert DeNiro
Robert DeNiro! But Robert DeNiro's not in it
Just as well for him because it's a bloody awful film!
What have you got it here for then?
In case someone wants it
I want it!
Well take it then!
But how can I take it knowing that it's bloody awful?
And why do you listen to me?
That's true, why the fuck am I listening to you?
Right
What did you say you do?
I'm an estate agent in my dad’s company
Wow, great, working with daddy
Hey, watch it!
What do you do?
My husband works in education, he's a leading light
So he's a professor?
Yes, yes, he teaches PE in a school, the kids love him
Plus, it pays really well because otherwise how would I have this lovely flat with everything?
Very nice
Yes, I wanna start up a business in the premises downstairs but I'm not gonna tell what kind of business
I don't want you telling your dad and him stealing my idea
Well Paloma, now I do really need to go
Aren't you gonna take anything with you?
No, no, no, thanks a lot really
Well that's alright, I was just thinking of you
If you like, I can come to your place for a while later
No, no, no...well, err...thanks, thanks ever so much, I'm off
What a strange girl!
Juan! Juan!
Roberto! Roberto honey are you there?
Emilio? Emilio?
Fuck!
What's our stuff doing here?
What a pain that new guy in the video shop is!
Was this lift made in the stone ages or what? There's no signal in here
What are you doing? Fiddle over there!
Yeah, so I get an electric shock!
Right, can't you think of anything to get us out of here?
Yeah, I've got an idea. Help! Is there anyone out there?
Wouldn't it be better to press the bell?
No, actually keep shouting
Help! Help!
Emilio?
Señor Cuesta? Señor Cuesta?
Yes, yes, what is it?
Look Señor Cuesta, we're stuck in the lift
No! This dummy got us stuck in the lift!
Alright, alright, relax, I'm here now
What shall I do?
Listen, you need to unlock the lift door from the outside
Right! How does it unlock?
Well, by putting a special key in the keyhole that's just there on the side of the lift
Okay. Where's the key?
I've got the key in here
Brilliant! How am I gonna unlock the door from the outside if you've got the key?
That's what I was thinking
And me, and what anyone else would be thinking!
See what a dummy he is! But why have you got the key on you?
Because whoever gets stuck in the lift isn't supposed to be me
Listen, you're gonna be stuck in here until Christmas Eve
You, Señorita Alicia, we'll get you of here as soon as we can
But you, what's your problem with me?
Excuse me, help me please, something's happened to my boyfriend
he's left the bathtap running and he's not answering the door
They've got stuck in the lift!
Juan! Juan! We've got a leak in the living room!
Shit! Let's get upstairs! Run!
Come on, let's go!
Alright, okay, calm down!
Come on! My living room! My living room!
We'll have to drill through the wall
Hey, don’t go!
What a mess!
Señor Cuesta, for God's sake!
And that idiot's the president?
Yes my girl, that's right
But what did he tell you? That he was gonna take a bath or what?
Maybe he fell asleep and drowned
Sweetheart, please, don't assume the worst!
No, the worst thing would be if they didn't have insurance!
See! He's not answering!
Let's see, leave it to me
It's true, he's not answering
It's very strange, something must have happened to him
Definitely
We'll have to break the door down
Yeah, break it down, break it down Juan, the leak's in our house Juan, OUR HOUSE!
Right, move out of the way, move out of the way, this could be dangerous
What are you gonna do Juan?
What has to be done!
I'm gonna get help
Hey man, look at that loser!
What are you doing, man?
Hey kid, throw me down some clothes!
And who are you?
Someone who'll give you 10 euros if you throw me something
Whereabouts are you hiding your wallet then?
Come on, fuck, kid, throw me down something, anything will do
Thanks, very thoughtful. I'll get you later
Hey man, that bra's my gran's!
7 hour delay Mauri! 7 hours waiting in the airport and just when we were about to check in
it turns out that you forgot the tickets!
I swear I put them in the toiletries bag
Right, and where's the toiletries bag?
At home
The one weekend when we could go away together...
Stop filming with the camera, come on, enough!
End of the holiday
Excuse me
Vicenta! Vicenta!
What are you doing?
Watering the plants!
Well, what happened is the rabbit got out and we were looking for it
But it's in the cage!
Well, in the end it must have taken fright
Hang on, I don't get this at all
We need help on the third floor, the new neighbour's drowning!
Run! Run! Let's go help!
Shit! What's happened here?
Fernando, someone needs to break the door down!
Bye! Bye!
But what have we done to these people to make them hate us so much?
Don't ask. Let's go, Mauri
Fuck
Wait a second please, I reckon we should phone the firemen
No no, there's no way we’re getting the firemen involved
If they find any cracks, they'll have the building evaluated for safety
If the community's money went where it was supposed to go!
What are you trying to say? That my husband and I are stealing money!
Others destroy houses
Look I told you it wasn't a good idea, didn't I?
What! You were the one who wanted to find out if they were gays!
What are you talking about Señora? We’re mates
Shut up, will you! My boyfriend needs help
Of course, maybe he slipped and cracked his head open
Or fell asleep and drowned in the bathtub!
I already said that before
I don't wanna frighten you but 60 % of accidental deaths are domestic accidents
Stop upsetting her please, will you!
Of course! He just panicked and left without saying anything, just like what happened to her
Get out of the way, come on, move, move
What are you gonna do? Watch out, you're gonna hurt yourself, you're gonna hurt yourself!
Roberto!
No, stay where you are, wait here!
Hey, she'll pay for those damages, right?
Naturally
She'd better because if not when we're not looking, you'll make us pay a bill that'll sink us!
Hey, if people from TV come, I'll need to get my hair done
And if they don't come, you'll need to get it done too
He's not here!
What do you mean he's not here?
But we'll need to switch off the tap, though, right?
This doesn’t make any sense
Sweetheart, have you been having problems?
What! Of course not!
Yes they have, I heard them arguing
That was just a silly disagreement!
Hers was a silly disagreement too and Manolo still hasn't shown his face again!
What do this lot care about what Manolo did!
Excuse me, hello, I'm here now sweetheart
Very pleased to meet all of you, good night
Hey
What?
What were you looking at?
Me? Nothing? I just saw he's had his appendix out
Come in, come in
No, no, no
What is it?
Don't come in, wait a minute
Hang on a second
Mum! Mum! Mum! What are you doing here?
Come on, out, out!
I was waiting for you, what time is it?
How do I know? Come on, hurry up, get to bed, it's late
Ok, ok, I'll go get a glass of water
No, no, no, don’t trouble yourself, I'll bring you one
But wait a second son, what's the rush?
Come on, carry on sleeping, you've got a nice easy life, haven't you?
Armando! Have you shut an old woman in that room?
Where? No! No!
Son! Open the door!
Who is it?
I bet it's my mum, you know she loves hiding
Come through, Mum, don't stay there
Don't raise your voice, you'll wake the boy
No no, I'm already awake
So in other words you've got a son as well
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, I feel bad now
Let me introduce you: this is Concha and this is Danny
Hey hey, wait
What did you come out for!
One less whore!
But she was nice
Well, which one of us is gonna sleep on the sofa?
Why?
No, it's just that as we’re only mates...
Don't start! What does it matter what we are or aren't to those people?
Hey I know who I am, but it seems you don't
Come here, sit down!
Listen. They're about to give me a promotion in the firm
and I don't think it’s a good time to come out of the closet
Fernando, it's not that you don't want to come out of the closet
The problem is you've hidden yourself in the socks' drawer
I'm going to the sofa
Aren't you going to do anything? Are you just gonna let me sleep here?
Come on, come here silly
Alright, I'll forgive you
Marisa?
What?
It's the first time I’ve ever seen a dick
And how was it?
I don't know. It wasn't what I was expecting
That happens to us all, sweetie
Well, it's nice to become independent like this
Now I get why we waited 30 years
All new beginnings are always hard
In a few years' time, we’ll look back on this and laugh about it
I bet we won't
Hey by the way, I need to phone the insurance company and the delivery company because they haven't come...
No, they have come. Our stuff's in the porch
And why didn't you say anything to me about it?
I'm sorry honey, I was kinda busy showing my arse off to the neighbours
Yeah yeah, you laugh, but they're gonna think I'm a pervert
Pervert! Come on, don't talk rubbish!
A pervert! That's what he is, a pervert!
Imagine if he meets our daughter, he'll give her a trauma!
I reckon he left the tap running on purpose!
But why would he do that?
Jealousy
Jealousy of what?
She talked her way in here just to see how I've got the house!
Ok, it's their first day, let's cut them some slack
Yeah, yeah, you cut them some slack and she'll end up getting herself voted President, you'll see!
What do you mean President? I'm the President!
Well, I see you more in the opposition
Right, if they want war, they'll get war
On Wednesday, residents' meeting. Those 2 don’t know what kind of place they've moved to
That's it, sweetheart
Come on, isn't anybody gonna get us out of here?
Our oxygen's gonna run out
How's the oxygen gonna run out? There's ventilation!
Yeah sure, but you don't know how long it's been since I cleaned the grating!
Ok, it's my turn
I see, with my little eye...
What do you see?
A moron caretaker!
Hey, watch your mouth Señorita Belen!
Come on, let's play seriously now, come on
Yeah ok...I see, with my little eye...
What do you see?
Someone who didn't get their date!
Come here, it's starting now
No, I'm going to lie down
I've got this burning feeling inside me
What do you expect? Single all your life!
In my stomach!
Why do you always have to keep reminding me that I never got married?
I decided to wait for the man of my dreams
It looks like he's taking his time sweetheart
I don't need a man to be happy, not like you
since Manolo left you, you're so bitter
That's a lie!
I was bitter from before then
It was all Dad's fault
Why?
If I say 11 o'clock, that means 11 o'clock
Why doesn't that girl ever listen to me?
Call her on her phone
she doesn't answer me!
We buy her a phone and she's making us pay for it
My boy, if I tell you, be here at 11 o´clock, what do you understand by that?
Be here at 11, right?
This one's got it, he'll do great things…one day
She must have got held up a bit
Look, she's young, she's 17
She likes to have a good time, go out with boys, flirt a bit
When I was her age...
When she gets back, she's gonna hear it from me, you'll see
Alicia, are we going or what?
I'd like to meet some guys who aren't drunk yet
I'm ready now
Right let's go
Are you going like that?
Yeah
Well I'm not going then
Why do you always have to do this to me?
Come on, girl!
Afterwards they always start talking to you
Yeah, to ask me your name. It's so humiliating
Why do you always have to be so negative?
Well look, because I'm too old for that stuff now, I'm almost 30
And I don't have my own flat or my own house
or my own car, I don't have anything
How much longer are we gonna keep on living like we're sixteen-year olds?
Shall we go?
Alright let's go
But it's the last time I'm going out, okay? Got that?
Yeah, yeah!
I mean it, the last time!
Sure
You always do this to me
Where can they be off to at this time?
What do you care?
It's just that those two spend more time out at night than Batman
If I find out, I'll stop renting them the flat
No Beatriz, I'm keeping the boy
This week it's my turn. You can take him on Sunday
I'm like a car
I've got a right to enjoy my son too!
That's it!
I'm going out for a drink
But what about the boy?
Oh come on Mum! They won't let him in where I'm going
Really!
But why can't we take the ferry to Ibiza?
Because by the time we go there and come back, the weekend will be gone
I can't get on a plane, Fernando, I can't
Are you listening? I can't!
Mauri please, Ibiza's just round the corner, only 40 minutes on the plane
40 minutes? That's enough for it to crash
What are you going on about? Plane's the safest form of transport there is
Look, the worst that can happen to you is you could lose your suitcase
Oh perfect! First they're gonna kill me and then they're gonna lose my suitcase
Everything's a drama
No, I can't go. Okay, I'll call you
Natalia, have you seen what time it is?
Well? Haven't you got anything to say for yourself?
You're grounded! You'll stay in your room!
Don't be so hard on her!
She's seen nothing yet
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's always the same
and I couldn't imagine it when I came to this place
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a riot
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
The house is falling down on me
and the caretaker's nowhere to be seen
The neighbours watch my every move
I can't take this place
Put together and give a good shake
a volcano and an earthquake
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Lucia, would you mind opening the door?
This is heavy
I know it's heavy sweetheart, but you're not the only one carrying things
Why don't you try using the key?
Because the caretaker was supposed to give it to me
Do you see the caretaker? No, so there's no keys
Well call a neighbour to let us in then
You promised you'd be in a good mood during the move in
I am in a good mood
I'm not jumping for joy cos the TV's heavy
Hello?
Hello good morning, we're the new neighbours, we can't find the caretaker and
We haven't got the keys
And what makes you think that fool's in my house?
Yeah but.. but.. well, could you open the door for us?
No no no! I don't open to strangers
How rude!
Okay, call another one
Why don't you put the TV on the ground?
Because then I'll have to pick it up again
Hello?
Hi, good morning, I'm the new neighbour, would you mind...
No no, we don't want anything
Yes but... but...wait
Don't let them in Marisa! I don't know who they are
Well, the neighbours are nice, I think we've fallen on our feet
Yeah well surely someone will end up letting us in, right?
No, I don't think so
Hang up señora!
But it's only 12 o´clock
Belen, are you awake?
They're ringing on the intercom
You don't say
But who is it?
Your period, it fits
Well I'm not getting up
I don't know who to call
Well, that's enough. Look Lucia, if someone doesn't open the door for me right now...
What? What are you gonna do?
I don't know. But we'll have to do something right? Winter's coming
Oh, good morning
Thanks so much, señora, thanks vso much!
If my girlfriend wasn't here in front of me, I'd give you a kiss
Sorry?
Nothing, ignore him. We're the new neighbours and we don't have the keys yet
And nobody would open the door for us
Oh really? What about the caretaker, Emilio?
Good question
Who killed JFK? Where's the caretaker?
If you don't mind, I'll make my way upstairs
Pleased to meet you, señora
Yes yes come in, I'll come with you
My name's Vicenta and this is Valentin
Nice to meet you
I'm Lucia and that's Roberto
What did I tell you?
Here are the keys, Emilio always leaves them in the same place
But anyone could take them from there!
No, not anyone, only those of us who know they're there
Lucia, can you open the door for me please?
No no no, you're not allowed to go up in the lift
We'd better take the stairs instead
What's that?
We only use it to come down
It breaks down a lot. I think they want to change it
Well, let them change it then. I'll wait here
Come on, let's go sweetheart. It's only 3 floors
Oh only 3? If it's only 3 floors, that's alright
You're going to love the folks in the building
We're all very young
I live here, in 1A with my sister
Do you want to meet her?
No no no, we'd love to but maybe some other time
Marisa! Marisa! Come out for a minute
What's going on? I thought you were going shopping
These are our new neighbours from the third floor
Just what we needed! More youngsters
You at least married are though, right?
Well not yet, but we're about to tie the knot
Really?
Look, give me the trolley and I'll go for the shopping
It was a pleasure
Same here
Don't pay any attention to her! She's a joker
Come on Mauri, please. We're gonna miss the plane
We're going to Ibiza by plane. I'm so happy
He's taken a tranquiliser and he's hysterical
Look Fernando, these are our new neighbours from the third floor
A historical moment, say something
Help!
Welcome, I'm Fernando and this is Mauri
And we're going because we're gonna be late
See you on Monday!
Vicenta, would you mind giving the keys to Emilio?
He needs to feed Versace
Who's Versace?
My pet. He's a little rabbit
Mauricio!
Coming!
Well then? Can we continue the climb?
They're the neighbours opposite us. My sister swears they're gays
But I think they're homosexuals
Well you never know
Exactly
Now you can meet Concha
No I mean because she'll be spying through the peephole
I wasn't spying through the spyhole
It's just that you’re making so much racket
Hey who are this lot?
The new neighbours
They're not married but they're about to tie the knot
Pleased to meet you
We're on our official tour of the building
Good morning, hello
Watch out for her!
Fuck, this is like playing playstation, it's like you’ve got to the next level
The new neighbours, right?
Well I'm Paloma and this is my husband
I'm Juan Cuesta, President of the community, welcome
Pleased to meet you
Nice TV, must have set you back you a few quid
Thanks for reminding me, I was thinking about dropping it
Wait wait, let me help you
There! Be careful, don't have an accident now
Come on, let's go upstairs
These two will be looking forward to getting settled in
I'll come up for a second and then I'll be right on my way
cos I've got a lot of stuff to do
Yeah, go watch TV
Well then thanks a lot really. Thanks for everything
You're welcome
Not at all. Welcome!
If you need something
Anything
We're like one big happy family here
You're going to have to paint!
See, I told you about the lead, son
I don't like them. I don't know why but I don’t like them one bit
And when have you ever liked anyone?
I'm telling you, those two won't tie the knot
What about the flat? Did they buy it fifty-fifty?
I don't know, I didn't ask them
Sloppy!
Well for me as long as they pay their share of the bills...
Well then? What do you think of it?
We'll paint it, sort out the floor, change the bathroom
get a few new pieces of furniture
and it'll be as good as new, right?
How easy I had it living at home with my parents
What was that?
No, no, I was saying it has a lot of light
Yeah, have you seen the bedroom?
The bedroom? No, I haven't seen it
And who's that?
The caretaker! Hey, hey, wake up!
what's going on here?
Er hi, how's it going?
Great! Do you remember me?
We're the ones you were you supposed to give the keys to
Yes, of course. Sorry, it's just that I came up here to fix a few sockets and I got dizzy and I don't know what happened
Give your hair a comb. One of them gave you an electric shock
Ah by the way, they've delivered the bed
And how is it?
Well it's a bit hard to be honest
But once you roll around on it a bit, it'll be fine
Sure
The plastic...I took off the plastic because the bed was so hot
Well I'll have to leave you because I've got a lot of things to do
If you need me, you know where to find me
Right see you later then
Bye
Well
Shall we clean?
Yeah!
Sit down now! We're about to eat
I'm not hungry
That doesn't matter, you'll eat!
Natalia! What's that girl up to!
Juan, make space
Fuck, not lentils again!
Yes, lentils again
Natalia! I'm not calling you again!
I'm here now, you're so annoying
Why do we always have to eat so early?
When are the ones on the third floor gonna move all their stuff in?
Lentils! No way! I'm not eating that
You sit down! I don't know, I haven't spoken with them
Remember how the ones who left left the hallway and the staircase
Natalia, leave your mobile alone while you're eating, will you?
But I'm not eating, Dad
In Danny's house, they always eat at 3
I'll go down and talk with Emilio in a bit so that they tell me when the van arrives
We can't have them starting to ignore you from the beginning...
No, no, nobody ignores me
Dad, she's ignoring you
Stop playing with the food, will you?
The important thing about the new neighbours is for them to be polite, respectable people and good neighbours like us
And at Danny's, they're always having pizza!
Shut up now, will you
Good morning! It's such a nice day outside, don't you think?
I'm gonna make something, I'm so hungry...
Why do you always have to wake up in a good mood?
It's a nice day, I slept well...I’m happy
Today's one of those days when I feel good
You sound like a toilet advertisement
Besides, tonight we've got a date
Alicia, don't you think instead of going out to look for guys, we should go out and look for a job?
Raul's gonna bring you a friend...you'll fall off your seat when you see him
Athletic, 35, 1 metre 90, and on top of that, he's a doctor!
If I don't like him, at least he can prescribe me something for the hangover
It won't fit, it won't go in the lift through there, that's what I keep telling you, fuck this sofa
Come on, you, push it from the top!
That's what I'm doing, the problem is this thing weighs more than a carnival float
Hey you, the junk mail goes in the letter boxes! Wait till I get my hands on you!
Hey hey hey, hang on a second
I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
What's going on here?
Señor Juan, I keep telling them it won't go in there, but they wanna keep pushing and pushing until they break...
I inform you that the use of the lift for transporting goods is strictly forbidden
Yeah but we're only using it to take up the sofa
But you can’t take the sofa up in there!
According to the community byelaws...
Ok, ok alright, fine we'll go up the stairs then
What's that?
You can't take it up the stairs, you'll scratch all the walls!
And the bannisters and the wooden steps!
Obviously this needs to be lifted up by a forklift
Right
But we didn't bring the forklift because the client told us it wasn't needed
Well it is needed, it's clearly needed!
What was your client thinking? Forklift!
Please put all this back on the van again
Who is this pain in the arse?
I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
President of the government you mean
Hey hey there's no need to be rude
It's me, Concha
No, Concha! No, for God's sake
Goodness me! Look what you've done to my flat!
Good morning, Doña Concha, what a surprise to see you here
I've come for the rent which you were supposed to pay me last night
Hang on a second
It smells of men in here!
You know you're not allowed to bring men up to the house
Doña Concha, you know we never bring anyone up
No, no, never, never
You can't fool me, come on, the rent!
There you go. And remember the washing machine's got a leak
Not as though you use it much anyway
You always give me small notes!
To pull a fast one on me!
No, no, count it
Of course I'll count it but at home
And clean this up, you slobs!
See you later
bye gorgeous
bye
Let's hope she doesn't count it, yesterday I took 50 euros from it for the drinks
Great
The sofa will have to stay like that then
The sofa can't stay there! Take it away from here right this instant!
Hi. Are you the caretaker?
No, I just mop floors for fun
Wow you're a bit of a weirdo, man
Of course I'm the caretaker, what do you want?
What's up? I'm Paco, the new sales assistant in the video store
I just get bored, you know
Paco, if you tread over there, I'll kill you
Okay, okay
You know, I'm really a film director
Sure, sure, I was a model but I got tired of showing off my arse
I said no! Besides, every new tenant is under the obligation
to inform the community of the exact date and time of the move in addition to any other such noteworthy events
And they haven't said anything
So this is going back on the lorry again
Take care of it please
Look mate if this Pokemon doesn't shut up, I'm gonna give him a bloody good beating
What did you call me?
Sorry, calm down, calm down
We've gotta go eat now, it's lunch time and we need to put petrol in the van
We don't have to work this afternoon, do we?
No, come on, let's get outta here
Hey where are you going? Where are you going?
This can't stay here!
Emilio, take care of this, it's a disgrace
And let me know when they come back, ok?
They don't know who they're dealing with
Now I'm lumbered with the sofa!
I've had enough of this shit
Hey look, it's one of those remote controls, I'll hang on to this
But you're not gonna nick it, surely?
No, not me, this was lost by the delivery men
What sons of bitches, man!
You're telling me
Well I'm taking this
What for? It's a picture of the girl who's moved in
Yeah! To make it look like I've got a girlfriend
Hey do you reckon there's a picture of her topless?
Good morning
Fuck, who's that, man?
A god, a front page model, a phenomenon...I dunno what she is but she does things to me
What are you looking at!
Doña Marisa, could you watch where you step because I'm mopping?
Well about time!
How's everything?
What do you care
Fair point
For God's sake! And no lift as well. You're doing a great job as caretaker aren't you?
I'm gonna talk with the President, sweetheart, get him to make you open a tobacco stall
Open a tobacco stall? What for?
So you smoke
Man she's smoking hot, does she live alone?
Her? No, hell no. With her sister
No, the one with the mini-skirt
No, she lives with Belén, the typical minger friend who's always bitchy because she never gets any action
Belén...Belén...another Belén, not this Belén
Alright Belèn. How are you doing?
Great
There's nothing like a nice compliment to brighten up your day, right?
Sure
Moron!
Have you been working here long, man?
7 years
What a miracle!
Well yeah
Sweetheart, I don’t think it's coming off
The drawing on the tile
Are you done now?
Yes. I'm done and I’m bloody fed up with it now
How about going to get something to eat?
What? No way, what if they come with our stuff?
Shit, our stuff, I'd forgotten about that
You know I'd almost rather they didn’t come
Are you gonna tell me what's the matter with you?
You've been grumpy all day
No, I'm just hungry, but don't worry, I'll get over it
No, you're giving me the impression you're not excited about us moving in together
No, of course I'm excited
But this is shit!
Hey I was alright with my parents too as well you know
So why did you tell your dad to buy you this flat then?
Because before we get married, first we have to find out if we're compatible
Before what?
Right look...I’m gonna buy something to eat
I'm gonna take a bath
Have we got soap?
No, we've got fairy liquid!
Hi how's it going?
Hi
How are you settling in?
Fine, fine thank you
And where are you off to?
To buy a few things we need
What at this time? No, no, come in, I've got everything here
No no no, thanks all the same, I wanna get a bit of fresh air
Come on, come in and I'll show you the house
Come on, silly, you're dying to see it
Go on, in you come
Just for a minute ok?
Right, sit in this leather sofa
Well I'm really pleased you've moved here
There you go
Come on man! You wanna pay for some seeds with a 50 euro note?
Oh alright some seeds and a lolly
Right I'll go get change, watch things here for me for a minute
Ok but hurry up cos I've got a load of stuff to do
Hello, good afternoon, how are we doing?
Shit! No way, you're Palita!
No, I think you've confused me with someone else
No, you did your military service with me, I'm Emilio from Córdoba, the one who...
No, that can't be right. I haven't done military service.
I'm a conscientious objector. I've never done military service
Look Palita I know we had a few run-ins in the barracks but come on, we can put that behind us, can't we?
Now I know what it is, I remind you of someone and I think it's from my movies
Well Palita, I'm sorry you've forgotten about your old friends but, anyway, what I can do for you?
If you would be so kind, I'm looking for a Robert Aldrich film, Emperor of the North
Okay, it sounds like a dirty film I'll find it for you in just a second, hang on
Well they're all dirty in it all the time but it's not a dirty film
You must be Santiago Segura
Hey you over there, where's Paco? I've brought him back a film
Wait a second for fuck's sake boy, what's the rush?
Hey
Hi
Torrente 2 is worse than the first one
Look here boy, hasn't your mum told you that if the truth's not nice to hear, best keep your mouth shut
Did you know that Mortadelo and Filemon made more money in the box office?
What an interesting fact. Just what I wanted to know.
Anyway, little man, let me tell you that they made more money because their tickets were more expensive...because of the Euro
Really in terms of viewers, Torrente 2 is still the best
I say you're wrong because in terms of viewers the best one is The Others
Yeah but that's an English film so it doesn't count, anyway they had Nicole Kidman
Who did I have? Gabino Diego?
Are you going be here for a while kid? Maybe you should go and give that brain of yours some fresh air
I can't get change anywhere, man....No shit! Santiago Segura!
Hello
How's it going, man?
Is that guy famous or something?
Yeah, really
You know what, since you can't help me, I'll come back another time
Hey what was I gonna say to you, Palita? Oh yeah, could you introduce me to María Belén Esteban?
Of course. Because I'm famous, I know everybody else who's famous...
Everybody, and I'll introduce you to her because when has Palita ever let you down right?
Remember the shots we drank together, those guards….
You couldn't fool me
No way man, I'm a film director too
Small world
Hey man, I'll show you my film clips, alright?
Yes, is it necessary?
Yeah, they're really good, come on
Alright, what are you waiting for? I'm not going anywhere
Palita I don't remember the name of the lieutenant...
Tell him to send the clips here, ok?
Bye kid, nice talking to you
Hey don't forget about Belén please
Yeah yeah
Where is he? Has he gone?
Yep, he was in a hurry, here, take this
Send them here
Hey, what did you say that guy's name was?
Come on, seriously! Santiago Segura!
No. That was Palita. It's just that he got famous and he changed his name like all the stars do
Come on, give me the seeds
Come on son, hurry up and decide, I've still got another 4 buildings to visit
I don't know, this one about the piano tuner...what's it about?
A man who tunes pianos
Yeah but what happens to him? Does he have a life this man or what?
I don't know. Read it and you'll find out
Listen what other offers do you have for this month because...
A set of Jackie Chan videos and Ufito the dinosaur
Oh now you've really given me a hard choice!
Oh come on, have you read the ones from last month yet?
No way! I can't be arsed for reading
Why did you join the club then?
To help you out!
Hey Dad, don't be a pain in the arse about this or I'll leave right now
That wouldn't be helping your father out
Let's do this...I'll leave you the catalogue, take a look, think about it, and I'll call by again tomorrow
Ok, alright
Alright?
Yeah, sorry Dad, I'm really stressed
Stop it with the kisses! Your mother says aren't you ever gonna give her a call?
It's true I need to call her
Hey, don't twist the neighbours' arms too much or later they'll get on at me about it
Don't come back late
And behave yourself with the other kids
Hey cut that out, Mum I'm off
But are you going out again, son?
Cut it out
But when do you sleep?
At the office
You see, now I'm late, she's gonna kill me
Who are you meeting?
a lady friend
I don't like her
Me neither but she's only after a bit of action
It's clear I'm not wanted in this house!
Fuck! The delivery men!
Hello
Hello, you're not Ofelia Cocanobas!
No, and you?
Me neither obviously
No no, I know, I meant, who are you?
From the book club, I came to bring her this month's order
Oh right, well what's-her-name must have moved cos we've just bought this house
Right right, and you wouldn't be interested in joining the group, I take it?
Oh well I don't know, do you mind if I think about it when I've got a few more clothes on?
No, don't worry, I'll come back another day
Oh shit!
I can't believe it
Alicia?
Alicia, hurry up, it's the first time in 2 years that a guy's waiting for me
Alicia!
Hi! How's it going?
This is a sign, you know, it's gonna be a good night
I'm the new neighbour
Oh right, and what are you trying to do? To get them to make you president of the community
I'll vote for you
No, no, look, the door just closed on me and I haven't got keys on me
I was taking a bath and...
And?
And I left the tap on!
Well, we've all got problems. See you later
Hey do you want to come in and call or something?
As soon as you see a naked guy, you want to bring him home
Well lovely to meet you, good luck
Hey what's happening, girls? Are you off on the hunt?
There's a man just wearing a towel looking for you
For me? No way
He must have got the wrong guy, Alicia, You're going down, right?
What a sweet life, right? Parties all day, upstairs, downstairs
Belen's got a date
What? No shit, really? What a miracle
Why did you have to go telling this moron about it?
What's wrong? Why's it stopped?
Damn, the lift must have got stuck
What are you talking about? I saw you press the stop button
No! It stopped by itself
What's wrong with you, man? I saw you press stop
Belén, Belén! Calm down, I didn't see him do anything
He wants to ruin my date
Yeah, yeah, that's right. I just wanted to play a little prank on you
That's not funny you know
But we can go down now Señorita Alicia
What's wrong now?
Well, it won't go down
Hey, no more of your games, got that?
It's not a game, I swear Señorita Belén. It won't go down. For fuck's sake!
What time were we supposed to meet them?
10 minutes ago
Perfect, perfect
I'm going to the game
Bye Gran
Shit!
Who's there?
Lucia!
Vicenta! Concha's here
Right, now I'm here to be naughty!
Is this towel yours? I found it lying on the stairs
Let's see, yeah it's mine, come on, let's have a drink and a chinwag
Wait a minute, don't start without me!
I'll be right back, I'm gonna give these keys to Emilio
What are those keys?
They're for the neighbours' house across the hall.
They've gone away for the weekend and as they couldn't find Emilio, they gave them to me
I'll be right back
Hang on a second, wouldn't you like to settle your doubts?
About what?
About whether the neighbours are gay or not
Come on, let's take a look
Are you mad? But you can't go snooping around in someone else’s house!
I'm coming with you
Who's taken the towel?
Please, don't scream, don't scream, please
Why would I scream? Nice butt you've got there
Come on, hurry up
Wait, I haven't got my glasses on
Watch out, watch out!
Hello
Hello
Where can she be off to at this time?
Some parents!
They're gonna catch us!
Hey what are you doing with the watering can?
If they ask, we'll say we're going to water the plants
What plants?
Well if they're gays, they must have loads of plants, don't you reckon?
I don’t know
That's it, in we go
What we're doing isn't right at all
So when's the wedding then? Have you fixed a date?
Err no, not yet
Just as well because you've caught me without a dress for it
Well look, Paloma, I'd better get going because I've got loads of things to buy...
No, no, sit down, I've got everything you could need here, everything
So your dad bought you the flat naturally?
How do you know that?
No I just figured because flats are so expensive at the moment
How much did it cost then?
Well I don't know. You know as it was a present...
Oh how lovely
So you won't have a mortgage or anything then?
How nice for you
Come on, let's go see what's in the bedroom
Oh God, I'm so nervous
What are you doing?
I think something's fallen over
Don't move, I'll switch the light on
Well...we've got off on the right foot
Really Paloma, you didn't need to bring out any food because I've got to go
No, no, we've got to get to know each other better
Listen you were really lucky with that flat you know
Life here's great, well you know we could be living in a house with a pool and everything
but we still prefer this
Sure
Well, what do you think? Do you like my place?
I think this one's a bit bigger than yours
Well just at a glance I don't know, I couldn't say
Yes, take it from me, I know because I was looking at buying your flat at one time
We wanted to make a duplex apartment but the trouble is that to refurbish your place to make it like this was so expensive
Well, one step at a time
Sure, when we buy the house by the beach, we'll hire the same decorator
What? Was this done by a decorator?
No, silly! I did this!
And you fell for it!
Come on, drink up girl, drink up!
Paloma, I've gotta go because my boyfriend's waiting for me
By the way, what does your boyfriend do?
Roberto's an architect and he works from home drawing comics
Oh comic books! So you support him then
No, no, he earns his own living
Oh right, and hey, he's younger than you, isn't he?
No, he's a year older than me
Really? Wow, he doesn't look it, you know as he's short, he looks more childlike
But you make a good couple, I know about these things
Thanks very much
But yeah your kids are gonna turn out short though
Because you're gonna want kids, right?
Girls, girls! Look what I've found!
What?
Some boxers
Well? So what?
I don't know!
Oh well done, Vicenta! Now at least we know they wear underwear
Look, here there's a photo album, I bet...
That's it ladies, keep on breaking stuff, now what are we going to do?
The best thing to do is to clean it all up and throw it away, maybe they won't notice
Of course they'll notice, even you'd notice!
Hey why don't we turn the place upside down as if they'd been burgled?
I've seen it in films
What? No, I'm not getting involved, I'm getting out of here
What's wrong now?
On second thoughts I'll stay with you
Good, come on, give us a hand then
Wow, a new guy! I'm Juan Cuesta, president of the community
I'm Paco, assistant of the video store
I came to see if you could recommend me something for tonight
I don't know, maybe a mystery film perhaps
Mystery? Well, take, this one!
Agustin Powers
Austin Powers!
But this isn't a mystery film, is it?
The mystery is how it did so well in the box office considering how crap it is
I'll take this one. Charlie’s Angels
The best actor in that is Robert DeNiro
Robert DeNiro! But Robert DeNiro's not in it
Just as well for him because it's a bloody awful film!
What have you got it here for then?
In case someone wants it
I want it!
Well take it then!
But how can I take it knowing that it's bloody awful?
And why do you listen to me?
That's true, why the fuck am I listening to you?
Right
What did you say you do?
I'm an estate agent in my dad’s company
Wow, great, working with daddy
Hey, watch it!
What do you do?
My husband works in education, he's a leading light
So he's a professor?
Yes, yes, he teaches PE in a school, the kids love him
Plus, it pays really well because otherwise how would I have this lovely flat with everything?
Very nice
Yes, I wanna start up a business in the premises downstairs but I'm not gonna tell what kind of business
I don't want you telling your dad and him stealing my idea
Well Paloma, now I do really need to go
Aren't you gonna take anything with you?
No, no, no, thanks a lot really
Well that's alright, I was just thinking of you
If you like, I can come to your place for a while later
No, no, no...well, err...thanks, thanks ever so much, I'm off
What a strange girl!
Juan! Juan!
Roberto! Roberto honey are you there?
Emilio? Emilio?
Fuck!
What's our stuff doing here?
What a pain that new guy in the video shop is!
Was this lift made in the stone ages or what? There's no signal in here
What are you doing? Fiddle over there!
Yeah, so I get an electric shock!
Right, can't you think of anything to get us out of here?
Yeah, I've got an idea. Help! Is there anyone out there?
Wouldn't it be better to press the bell?
No, actually keep shouting
Help! Help!
Emilio?
Señor Cuesta? Señor Cuesta?
Yes, yes, what is it?
Look Señor Cuesta, we're stuck in the lift
No! This dummy got us stuck in the lift!
Alright, alright, relax, I'm here now
What shall I do?
Listen, you need to unlock the lift door from the outside
Right! How does it unlock?
Well, by putting a special key in the keyhole that's just there on the side of the lift
Okay. Where's the key?
I've got the key in here
Brilliant! How am I gonna unlock the door from the outside if you've got the key?
That's what I was thinking
And me, and what anyone else would be thinking!
See what a dummy he is! But why have you got the key on you?
Because whoever gets stuck in the lift isn't supposed to be me
Listen, you're gonna be stuck in here until Christmas Eve
You, Señorita Alicia, we'll get you of here as soon as we can
But you, what's your problem with me?
Excuse me, help me please, something's happened to my boyfriend
he's left the bathtap running and he's not answering the door
They've got stuck in the lift!
Juan! Juan! We've got a leak in the living room!
Shit! Let's get upstairs! Run!
Come on, let's go!
Alright, okay, calm down!
Come on! My living room! My living room!
We'll have to drill through the wall
Hey, don’t go!
What a mess!
Señor Cuesta, for God's sake!
And that idiot's the president?
Yes my girl, that's right
But what did he tell you? That he was gonna take a bath or what?
Maybe he fell asleep and drowned
Sweetheart, please, don't assume the worst!
No, the worst thing would be if they didn't have insurance!
See! He's not answering!
Let's see, leave it to me
It's true, he's not answering
It's very strange, something must have happened to him
Definitely
We'll have to break the door down
Yeah, break it down, break it down Juan, the leak's in our house Juan, OUR HOUSE!
Right, move out of the way, move out of the way, this could be dangerous
What are you gonna do Juan?
What has to be done!
I'm gonna get help
Hey man, look at that loser!
What are you doing, man?
Hey kid, throw me down some clothes!
And who are you?
Someone who'll give you 10 euros if you throw me something
Whereabouts are you hiding your wallet then?
Come on, fuck, kid, throw me down something, anything will do
Thanks, very thoughtful. I'll get you later
Hey man, that bra's my gran's!
7 hour delay Mauri! 7 hours waiting in the airport and just when we were about to check in
it turns out that you forgot the tickets!
I swear I put them in the toiletries bag
Right, and where's the toiletries bag?
At home
The one weekend when we could go away together...
Stop filming with the camera, come on, enough!
End of the holiday
Excuse me
Vicenta! Vicenta!
What are you doing?
Watering the plants!
Well, what happened is the rabbit got out and we were looking for it
But it's in the cage!
Well, in the end it must have taken fright
Hang on, I don't get this at all
We need help on the third floor, the new neighbour's drowning!
Run! Run! Let's go help!
Shit! What's happened here?
Fernando, someone needs to break the door down!
Bye! Bye!
But what have we done to these people to make them hate us so much?
Don't ask. Let's go, Mauri
Fuck
Wait a second please, I reckon we should phone the firemen
No no, there's no way we’re getting the firemen involved
If they find any cracks, they'll have the building evaluated for safety
If the community's money went where it was supposed to go!
What are you trying to say? That my husband and I are stealing money!
Others destroy houses
Look I told you it wasn't a good idea, didn't I?
What! You were the one who wanted to find out if they were gays!
What are you talking about Señora? We’re mates
Shut up, will you! My boyfriend needs help
Of course, maybe he slipped and cracked his head open
Or fell asleep and drowned in the bathtub!
I already said that before
I don't wanna frighten you but 60 % of accidental deaths are domestic accidents
Stop upsetting her please, will you!
Of course! He just panicked and left without saying anything, just like what happened to her
Get out of the way, come on, move, move
What are you gonna do? Watch out, you're gonna hurt yourself, you're gonna hurt yourself!
Roberto!
No, stay where you are, wait here!
Hey, she'll pay for those damages, right?
Naturally
She'd better because if not when we're not looking, you'll make us pay a bill that'll sink us!
Hey, if people from TV come, I'll need to get my hair done
And if they don't come, you'll need to get it done too
He's not here!
What do you mean he's not here?
But we'll need to switch off the tap, though, right?
This doesn’t make any sense
Sweetheart, have you been having problems?
What! Of course not!
Yes they have, I heard them arguing
That was just a silly disagreement!
Hers was a silly disagreement too and Manolo still hasn't shown his face again!
What do this lot care about what Manolo did!
Excuse me, hello, I'm here now sweetheart
Very pleased to meet all of you, good night
Hey
What?
What were you looking at?
Me? Nothing? I just saw he's had his appendix out
Come in, come in
No, no, no
What is it?
Don't come in, wait a minute
Hang on a second
Mum! Mum! Mum! What are you doing here?
Come on, out, out!
I was waiting for you, what time is it?
How do I know? Come on, hurry up, get to bed, it's late
Ok, ok, I'll go get a glass of water
No, no, no, don’t trouble yourself, I'll bring you one
But wait a second son, what's the rush?
Come on, carry on sleeping, you've got a nice easy life, haven't you?
Armando! Have you shut an old woman in that room?
Where? No! No!
Son! Open the door!
Who is it?
I bet it's my mum, you know she loves hiding
Come through, Mum, don't stay there
Don't raise your voice, you'll wake the boy
No no, I'm already awake
So in other words you've got a son as well
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, I feel bad now
Let me introduce you: this is Concha and this is Danny
Hey hey, wait
What did you come out for!
One less whore!
But she was nice
Well, which one of us is gonna sleep on the sofa?
Why?
No, it's just that as we’re only mates...
Don't start! What does it matter what we are or aren't to those people?
Hey I know who I am, but it seems you don't
Come here, sit down!
Listen. They're about to give me a promotion in the firm
and I don't think it’s a good time to come out of the closet
Fernando, it's not that you don't want to come out of the closet
The problem is you've hidden yourself in the socks' drawer
I'm going to the sofa
Aren't you going to do anything? Are you just gonna let me sleep here?
Come on, come here silly
Alright, I'll forgive you
Marisa?
What?
It's the first time I’ve ever seen a dick
And how was it?
I don't know. It wasn't what I was expecting
That happens to us all, sweetie
Well, it's nice to become independent like this
Now I get why we waited 30 years
All new beginnings are always hard
In a few years' time, we’ll look back on this and laugh about it
I bet we won't
Hey by the way, I need to phone the insurance company and the delivery company because they haven't come...
No, they have come. Our stuff's in the porch
And why didn't you say anything to me about it?
I'm sorry honey, I was kinda busy showing my arse off to the neighbours
Yeah yeah, you laugh, but they're gonna think I'm a pervert
Pervert! Come on, don't talk rubbish!
A pervert! That's what he is, a pervert!
Imagine if he meets our daughter, he'll give her a trauma!
I reckon he left the tap running on purpose!
But why would he do that?
Jealousy
Jealousy of what?
She talked her way in here just to see how I've got the house!
Ok, it's their first day, let's cut them some slack
Yeah, yeah, you cut them some slack and she'll end up getting herself voted President, you'll see!
What do you mean President? I'm the President!
Well, I see you more in the opposition
Right, if they want war, they'll get war
On Wednesday, residents' meeting. Those 2 don’t know what kind of place they've moved to
That's it, sweetheart
Come on, isn't anybody gonna get us out of here?
Our oxygen's gonna run out
How's the oxygen gonna run out? There's ventilation!
Yeah sure, but you don't know how long it's been since I cleaned the grating!
Ok, it's my turn
I see, with my little eye...
What do you see?
A moron caretaker!
Hey, watch your mouth Señorita Belen!
Come on, let's play seriously now, come on
Yeah ok...I see, with my little eye...
What do you see?
Someone who didn't get their date!