Another Period (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Reject's Beach - full transcript

We are engaged.

[laughs]

Celery [bleep] savoy

Is the president
of the clam bake club.

- Please.
- Frederick, don't do this--

You're acting like a baby.

I can stay a baby forever.

I'm the great
marquis de sainsbury,

The arbiter of who's who
in newport society.

Oh, whoops. I know I'm not
supposed to feed the animals.

So, that's your scheme,
huh?



Feeding your fish
to the commodore?

I'm gonna blackmail
the shit out of her.

You are hereby stripped
of all duties

Befitting an under-butler.

Please vacate the premises
immediately.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Brava. Brava.

Now, are we playing
captain moreton eglington

Castle rules or do we
just want to be wild women

And play a little
french pall mall?

It's just a game,
what does it matter, lillian?

Oh, fun fact:

Did you know that
the pollacks



Actually desire
to be enslaved?

It's in their very blood.
Isn't that a hoot?

Do you not know
that I am direct descendant

To the throne of poland?

Oh, he's just kidding,
lil.

[laughter]

(celery)
oh, I love to joke around.

Remember when we
were children?

I made that joke
where I told everyone

You threw a party on
reject's beach?

You know, the beach
where the poor

Go to clean
their undergarments?

Scotch frog hats,

I would rather swim
in a septic tank!

Well, I'm sure
lillian doesn't remember.

It was so very long ago.

Don't remember at all.

[screams]

Footman down!

[music]

♪ ♪

What the hell is that?

The--what? No, nothing.

It's nothing. I'm nothing.

You need to work on
your self-esteem, you idiot.

It looks like a letter to me.

I got a letter once.

From an old lover telling me

She contracted
the sailor's virus.

- I hate letters.
- Oh, please tell us.

It's a letter from
the triangle shirtwaist factory.

They offered me a job interview
for tomorrow.

It's always been my dream
to work in a factory.

To feel the steam on my face

And the hot crush of machinery
against my finger pads.

[laughs]

Factory life!
No, thanks.

Well, I hope everyone's

Happily lazing about savoring
the delights of all meal.

Thanks to your indolence,
the urine buckets under the sink

Have become filled
to the point of over slosh.

Why hasn't this been taken
care of?

I believe that was
garfield's job, sir.

And you sacked him
for stealing a towel, sir.

So, it wasn't indolence, sir.
It was a staffing issue, sir.

Call me sir one more time,

I shall dock your gruel
for a week.

What would you like me
to call you?

Sir will do.
Just pace it out.

Hamish,
you will empty the urine.

Sorry, peeps,
according to my contract,

I don't touch piss, mops,
or gypsies.

Oh, very well.
I shall empty it myself.

I'm so excited for you!

Factory life!

[both laugh]

[laughs]

[rap music]

(garfield)
since I'm no longer
welcome inside bellacourt manor,

I've made my home outside.

[sighs]

Breaks my heart.

[classical music]

You know, at first this
baby bea stuff

Was kind of funny,
but now it's just weird.

It's time to change tactics.

I need your help.

I'm not quite certain
you know how blackmail works.

You pay me, I own you.

Yes, yes.
Extremely frightening.

Where...Is my...

50 cents?

How about $500?

[scoffs]

The hell are you
talking about?

I know this guy in town.

He used to buy the girls
from the brothels.

He always
looks for a very

Vulnerable kind of girl.

Oh. I get it.

You have turned
into a complete psychopath.

What's the guy's address?
I'll take her there.

- [gasps]
- garfield!

What in the h.M.S. Pinafore
are you doing here?

Mr. Peepers,
I-I had nowhere else to go.

T-the orphanage
said no 30-year-olds.

Well, I can't have you

Vagabonding about
bellacourt manor.

Now, get out
before I have you skinned

And turned into work gloves.

Oh, well I heard
beatrice and hamish.

They're going
to one main street.

- Out! Out!
- Oh, that's bellacourt urine!

[knocks on door]

(hamish)
celine sent us.

You order a white heiress,
right?

Hello, little girl.

I'm mr. Thomas edison.

Are you going to do everything
I ask you to do?

Probably.

She's perfect for my
forbidden experiment.

Mmm.

Uh, I don't mean to interrupt
whatever dastardly power game

You have going on right now,
but I have a 5:00 shabbat, so...

Ah.

Thank you.

Shalom aleikhem.

Aleikhem shalom.

So, convicted for treason
by the knight's court

In the french town
of larroquette,

I watched as my mentor,
the marquis post's head

Rolled from the guillotine
to my very feet,

Thinking, "this has ruined
a perfectly good opera."

Lillian, this afternoon
was so pleasant.

We'd love to induct you
as a fully vetted member

Of newport's very own
clam bake club.

Are you familiar
with our organization?

Am I familiar
with your organization?

It's only the most prestigious
mollusk-based social group

In all of north america.

We put those insufferable
dunderpates

In the portsmouth
scallop society to shame.

I would love to finger clams
with you two.

Well, then,
looking forward to it.

Doors.

[vocalizing]

[upbeat music]

♪ I knew it all along ♪

♪ this is my destiny ♪

♪ I finally have it all ♪

♪ and no one
deserves it more than me ♪

♪ the bottom 1% of the top 1% ♪

♪ is the loneliest place
for a girl ♪

♪ but I'm the piece of sand
who's gonna irritate the clam ♪

♪ until I turn into a pearl ♪

♪ I was on the outside,
now I'm not ♪

♪ it's time to show newport
what I've got ♪

♪ see this face?
You're gonna see it a lot ♪

♪ it's exactly
where I was meant to be ♪

♪ I can finally say ♪

♪ "hi, society" ♪

♪ the bottom 1%
of the bottom 1%

♪ is just fine with me ♪

♪ because I got a letter and my
life will get much better ♪

- ♪ when I work at a factory ♪
- hey!

♪ I thought it was hopeless
I was wrong ♪

Get out of the way, blanche!
This is my song!

[vocalizing]

Well, now I forgot
what I was even singing about.

[groans]
you're all fired!

[rap music]

Oh, I tell you,
I feel like ten bucks.

It's as though getting off
the morphine

Has actually
improved my health.

Oh, mother, how long are you
going to bring up

Your miraculous liberation
from drug addiction?

Oh, darling.

Champagne, really?

Are you sure you want
to poison yourself so soon

Before the big clam bake?

(lillian)
champagne is
like mother's milk to me.

If I had a mother
who'd given me milk.

Oh, darling,
you wouldn't have wanted that.

My teats were full
of opiate poison.

I want to get out.

If I have wrinkly fingers
at the clam bake,

People will think
I have a wrinkly labia.

That you have wrinkly labia.

Plural.
You have four.

Ugh.
Don't remind me.

Frederick,
today is the last day

Before you depart
into the horrors of marriage.

Dodo has ordered me to throw
frederick a bachelor party,

And I do not consider
him a friend,

But legally he is family,
so I must oblige.

And she pays my allowance.

- So, this is a bachelor party?
- Yes, it is.

And this is a vagina.

But in hat form.

I had a local taxidermist
fashion it for me.

Why would we wear
genitalia as hats?

- It feels warm.
- Mm-hmm.

And every good bachelor party
starts off with shots.

- Dr. Goldberg!
- Both: Shots! Shots! Shots!

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Shots! Shots!
Shots!

Who would like
a syringe full first?

The bachelor boy,
of course.

Fellows,
I don't know about this.

I've never taken
a drug before.

(goldberg)
this is not a drug.
It's a poem in your mind.

And then, if things turn bad,
a poem in your sphincter.

But I'm afraid of needles.

That's okay.

[imitates airplane
engine]

It's the wright brothers
experimental

Lighter-than-air
flying machine!

Ahh!

[airplane noises]

[both scream]

[both laugh]

Oh, thank you.

Yes, I know, I--

I do consider myself
assembly line material.

Oh, gosh, well, I would say
that my greatest strength

Is that I have an ability
to pull an apple cart

All by myself.

And my greatest weakness--

Well, if I had to think
of a greatest weakness,

It would be...

That I have to go
to the bathroom every 14 hours.

And other than that,
nothing.

Nothing.

Ooh, do a little turn.

Do a little turn.
That's right.

Show daddy how pretty
your dress is.

[1920s music]

♪ ♪

[music]

♪ ♪

[rap music]

♪ ♪

Not only do I get invited
to the clam bake club,

But I get to ride in
celery savoy's bathing machine.

Just when I thought I couldn't
have another greatest day

Of my life, here I am.

Celery, is there anything
I need to know

For the initiation ceremony?

No, you do a bathing rite
in the ocean

And then we all stuff ourselves
with clams.

Yum, and then we sing
the legend of the clam,

Which is our society's
official theme song.

Oh, I know it already.

♪ from the depths of the sand ♪

♪ to the silt of the sea ♪

♪ high tide, low tide ♪

♪ barnacles and cla-- ♪

Save your voice, lillian.
We all sing it together.

Also,
it's in c-sharp minor.

[gasps]
we're here.

Lillian,
why don't you go first?

[screams]

Oh, my dear.

I'm afraid all the spaces
on this side of

The beach
have been taken.

This beach
is for members only.

- Go that way.
- That's right.

You're on rejects beach,
lillian.

Where you belong.

[distorted]
poor people!

[distorted]
hot dog?

Hot dog!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[distorted laughter]

[crying]

(woman)
♪ alone ♪

No!

(woman)
♪ I'm all alone ♪

♪ alone ♪

♪ all by myself ♪

♪ I'm alone ♪

I can't believe
it's finally happening.

I can't wait to lay my head
on a pillow

Stuffed with damp hay.

You deserve it, blanche.

I'll never forget
how you treated me here.

I misjudged you, chair.

I feel terrible
about the way I treated you

The other day
with beatrice.

What do you mean?

I barked orders at you,

I treated you as if
you were an underling

Instead of a friend.

And also I dropped prime rib
on your head.

Oh, that.
It's all right.

What's a little beef-related
assault between coworkers?

Oop, friends.

[sighs]

Oh,
would you do one thing

Before you leave?

Anything.

Would you fetch the rendered
beef fat from the meat locker?

Hortense wants a snack

And my hands
get so cold in there.

You must toughen up
those mitts.

What are you going
to do without me when I'm gone?

You'll never get through
the winter grave shoveling.

I would be happy to.

It will be my last chore
here at bellacourt.

Oh.

Oh, my. It's locked.

Could you open the door?

Chair!
Please!

I have my job interview!

- Tell it to the beef.
- No!

Did you hear that?
I said, "tell it to the beef."

No. No. No! No!
Please!

Let me out!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[groans]

Garfield!
What are you doing kissing me?

[coughs]
you're fired.

I've already been fired,
madam.

Oh, what a nightmare.
They all laughed at me.

They wanted me to eat
a hot dog.

Oh, yuck.

Celery doesn't want to be
my sister at all, does she?

No, madam,

But you already have
a sister,

A great one.

And she's in trouble.

And I can take you to her.

Oh, no, thank you.

I'm still reeling
from my beach humiliation.

Oh, all right.

Well, just to clarify,

Your sister's in
quite a bit of trouble.

Apparently beatrice has been
sold into white slavery

And what's worse,
she's acting!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Oh, no, no, no.

Albert.
Why won't you wake up?

♪ ♪

Bea is my sister.

Bea is my sister.

- Bea is my sister.
- Doctor goldberg.

♪ ♪

Am I a demon?
Am I a demon?

[screams]

♪ ♪

I don't think
I want to be married.

♪ ♪

- Beatrice!
- Get out!

This is a closed set!

As soon as I saw that huge
metal penis by my mouth,

All I could think about was
my twin brother frederick

And I suddenly remembered
who I was.

Falling charlie,
what are you doing here?

- Trying to break into film.
- Silence, chaplin.

Beatrice, let's go.
We're here to rescue you.

Baby bea,
you're not going anywhere.

- I own you.
- [growls]

Ow!

There's no place
like my house!

Some of the things
I did were pretty embarrassing,

But luckily, nobody
saw it except for me,

The director, the cameraman,
the two actors,

And the noisy box
with the glass eye.

Kind of looks like
that one.

[blanche screaming]

She's been screaming
like that for a while.

I'm really worried
about her.

She insists that she had
a job interview

In the meat locker.

Spirit of vishnu save us.
This house is crumbling.

Stand aside, chair.
Blanche.

Blanche,
I'm opening the door.

Get out of there.

You'll freeze to death,
you fool.

- [screams]
- oh, you poor thing.

I think all that time
in the meat locker's

Frozen her corneas.

She did it.

She did this.

Blanche, it's chair.

Your friend.

I'll handle this,
chair.

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
have an I-I-I-I-interview.

I was supposed to work
in a f-f-f-f-f--a factory.

I have a letter.

All right, all right.

I have a letter.

My god, this is serious.

"peepers = farts."

[whimpers]

I'm not amused, blanche.

No. I had
a job interview today.

3:00 p.M.
419 maplewood drive.

- 419 maplewood drive?!
- Yes.

Well, then we must go.
I can take you there.

If we leave now,
we still may make it.

Hurry, blanche.
Hurry.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

[whimpering]

Oh, no, please.

Please, please, please.

No.

[upbeat music]

Hurry, garfield. I don't want
to miss the wedding.

Well, I've been
carrying you for miles.

It would be much faster
if we all walked.

Yes, and it would be
even faster if we flew.

Let's talk
actual solutions.

What do we have here?
It's a couple of whores.

- [gasps]

My eyes don't have a fraction

Of the sadness required
to be whore's eyes.

Aye, and look at this fella
with the short shorts

And the towel
hanging from his pocket.

[both laugh]

Let's throw 'em
in the big house.

- All right.
- Ooh, yes. The big house.

That's where we live.
Please take us home.

- They mean jail.
- [gasps]

I'm not going to jail.
I'm rich.

Might be one way
out of it.

How skilled are ya
at mouth jobs?

- [gasps]
- I'll do it.

- Beatrice, no!
- I'm already down here.

- No.
- Oh, another disappointment.

Officer o'connolly,
officer o'connor,

Cease harassing
these prostitutes post haste.

What do you care
about a few street whores?

We're not whores.
We're bellacourts.

My god, it is you.
Well, don't be ashamed.

The nags don't judge.

Regardless of race,
size, or class,

We love all women.

Every single woman,
all the prostitute women,

All our mother women,
all our aunts,

Our female cousins,
the females with dogs

And the females
with cats, too.

Hey! Those stupid bitches
are stealing our rickshaw!

Bye.

- Please, help us.
- [laughs]

Oh, you barren,
childless wretches.

No, we police
don't help people anymore.

We just get mouth jobs
and beat up the blacks.

Commodore, I'm so pleased
you could make it

In time for the wedding.

- Where are my daughters?
- I'm right here, papa.

I'm also
one of your daughters.

Oh, I don't think
of you as one of my daughters,

I think of you as a son
that can't earn money

Or give me heirs.

Commie, I don't know
how to tell you this,

But lillian and beatrice
have gone missing.

They may not be
at the wedding.

This is truly great news.

Without those two cocaine
sponges here

To bungle everything,

This should go off
like a well-oiled bear trap.

Right, boy?

Yes, papa.

[laughs]
good lad.

[dramatic music]

Where did I put my--

So, you don't
say hello anymore?

Christ, celine.
How did you get in here?

Did anyone see you?

Is that how you
talk to me now?

I'm sorry.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

Punish me
like the rabid cur I am--oh!

Shut up.

Again.

Oh!
Again. Again.

The next one
you'll have to earn.

What do you want?

I want your balls in a bag
that I wear around my hip.

Barring that,
I want the house.

[speaking spanish]

[screams]

[all speaking spanish]