Anger Management (2012–2014): Season 1, Episode 3 - Charlie Tries Sleep Deprivation - full transcript

Just going to drop her on the couch.

Okay. I'll pick her up tomorrow.

You're not driving home until you
have another cup of coffee.

Hey, don't worry about whispering.
She slept through everything.

Jet engines, turbulence,
bipolar flight attendants.

I hate her so much. I hate you!

No, I don't. I love you.

I resent her youth.

Coffee may not be the answer.

How long has it been since you've slept?

Let's see.
I didn't get any sleep at your parents',



both our flights were delayed,

somebody phoned in a bomb threat to the
Taco Bell Express,

they shut down the airport so...

Four hundred eighty-seven hours?

You need to lie down. Come on.

Okay.

Go away, balls.

No, no, no.

We don't sleep on pool tables anymore.
We're parents now.

Nothing fun or weird.

Your mother's a bitch.

Where'd that come from?
I thought you liked her.

Never did.
Your dad, on the other hand, he's a flirt.

Has he ever flirted with you?



No, he only flirts with people he likes.
Come on.

Oh, my God. This is heaven.

What are you doing in heaven?

Part of an exchange program. Gandhi's
down there at a strip club with Mussolini.

Just sleep.

Okay.

Hey, remember that time when I tried
to trick you into getting me pregnant

to save our marriage?

What? No!

Yeah. Sam was eight and I stopped taking
the pill and started sleeping naked.

You don't remember?

I remember the naked thing.
I didn't think you wanted a baby.

I thought you wanted a new car.

But it's all right. We have the greatest
kid ever and you're a good dad.

Good night.

Wait, wait. Before you fall asleep,

the time we went to Vegas and you told me
that you got robbed. Did that really happen?

No, I lost it all on blackjack. Remember?

This is like a truth serum.

Is it hard for you to find another guy
because I set the bar too high?

No.

What do you know? You're half asleep.

Nolan?

Nolan!

What?

What do you think about the fact that Ed
just called you a pussy?

I didn't hear that.

- Ed?
- Pussy.

He's probably right.

Now, hold on. Before everybody leaves,

I want to invite you all to take part
in something that I am very excited about.

I knew this day was coming.
It's either real estate or vitamins.

No, Ed. A few nights ago,
I had an experience that led me to believe

that we could advance the frontiers
of psychological study.

I'm talking about stripping away
your defenses to a point

where inhibitions come down
and truths come out.

So, what? We're all going to get drunk?

No. I'm talking about
sleep deprivation therapy.

Can I be drunk for that?

No. Because sometimes
when people get drunk,

they grab a gun and shoot their boyfriends
in the testicles.

You're talking about me, aren't you?

I thought that was abundantly clear.

Now, I've done a lot of research on this.

I think if we stay up long enough,
we can get to a whole new level of honesty.

That's the way my old associate
in Nam used to do it.

You ought to bring Pho Than Kwon in here.

That old boy kept me awake
70 hours straight at the Hanoi Hilton,

getting intel out of me.

Seriously, you can get him. He's got
a noodle shop down at the Music Center.

He gives me 10% off
because he tortured me.

A real sweetheart.

It's your mistake for staying at a Hilton.

I want you all here on Friday
for a weekend workshop.

Some of us might have plans this weekend.

And what were you planning to do?

Call my friends and ask them why they never
invite me anywhere on the weekends.

I guess I could reschedule it
for next weekend.

How are we going to stay up that long?

The way Pho Than kept us awake, he'd take
a car battery and some jumper cables

and clamp them onto our nipples.

I think we'll start with coffee.

Pho Than used coffee, too. He'd boil up
a big pot and then make us bend over...

We're just going to drink it.

We drank it.

Anyway, so they make me empty my pockets
with all my good-luck charms

in front of everybody,
including Jake Slater.

It's midterms. I had all my good luck stuff.
My silver dollar, my dreamcatcher,

my Monopoly dog...

Hey, at least you didn't have the
pouch full of your baby teeth. Right?

Crap. You had the baby teeth.

Well, I had to. I had an algebra test.

I'm a freak.

No, you're not. I know tons of people
who carry good-luck charms. Here.

My dad made this penny for me
when we went to Carlsbad Caverns.

It was the best day we ever had.

Do you always carry this with you?

Yeah. So I guess I'm a freak, too.
And if Jake Slater doesn't like you,

because you carry a pouch
full of baby teeth, then...

Well, you understand why, right?

It's open.

Hey, Charlie. Hey, Sam.

- Hi.
- Hey, Kate. I'm going to go pack.

Why doesn't she like me? Do you think
she knows we're sleeping together?

Nobody knows.
Maybe she's just intimidated by you.

That's cool. So, why am I here?

Because I want to ask you to help me
with my sleep deprivation project.

I need another psychologist there
to supervise the group for a few hours

while I rest so I can be
fresh for the session.

Well, I would, but you're not still going
through with that, are you?

Kate, Kate. This is breakthrough research
and really positive for my patients.

Breakthrough research?

Somebody wants to get into the
Journal of Applied Psychology.

But my primary concern is my patients.

Come on, Charlie.
You're desperate for recognition.

You can't play baseball anymore, so
you're trying to get it in psychotherapy.

So? What's wrong with wanting to be known
as the best in your profession?

Because you're experimenting on
human beings and sleep deprivation

is not a recognized therapeutic tool.
God, you can be so stubborn.

I am not being stubborn. I'm laying
the foundation for a new methodology.

And, for the record,
you're a therapeutic tool.

Drat. Outwitted.

Hey, Charlie. Hey, Kate. Sam ready to go?

She's upstairs grabbing her bag, and thanks
again for taking her on my weekend.

Well, it's probably a good idea
she's not here

for your crazy people
stay-up-all-night party.

I mean, I'm not a professional,

but seems to me that unstable people
need as much sleep as possible.

Right. Get some rest.

You know, there's something I've been
wanting to say to you for a long time.

Yeah?

It's really stupid, but
for the longest time

I thought you and Charlie
had the hots for each other.

You're kidding.

I know. It's crazy. L
mean, you're gay, right?

I mean, I'm not "gay" gay.
I mean, I like to live in the moment.

You're so cool. We should hang out.

Patrick, you're early.

Didn't realize traffic was going to be so
light, but since I'm the first person here

for our "no sleepover,"
I'll just take the couch.

Patrick, if you want the couch, just say
you got here early to take the couch.

Nobody is going to be petty enough
to compete with you for the couch.

Damn it! I wanted the couch.

Crap! The couch is gone.

I told you if I let you pick me up,
you had to be on time.

I'm sorry.
I've never been to your house before.

Please. I've seen you parked outside
my house for hours.

Well, not in daytime.

Okay, guys. As you can see,
I've set up a few cameras around

to document the workshop.

Whoa. I did not agree to be filmed.

Okay, then I will make sure that no footage
of you winds up in my presentation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I did not agree not to be filmed.

Okay. We've all been up for about 12
hours, but most sleep deprivation symptoms

don't kick in until after 36.
So we'll start the session tomorrow night.

Until then, the only rule is to stay awake.

Ed, wake up.

Ed? Ed!

Oh, my God. He's not breathing.

You hit your feet, you lose your seat.

I think I can trace a lot of my anger
back to the moment

I found out my mother died.

I was in the back of a cab with my brother.

He hung up the phone, he turned to me
and he said, "Mom's dead."

There was nothing in his eyes.

It was like he didn't even care.

I said, "What's the matter with you?
Our mother is dead!"

You know what? That sucked. Okay.

Patrick, we're 24 hours in. You've been
in front of the camera for half of that.

So far your mother has died in a cab,
on a train, in a plane, in a boat.

The only place she hasn't died
is in a box with a fox.

Stop rehearsing your breakthrough.

Ed, what was that?

I was playing the video bowling game
and the controller slipped out of my hand.

I think I'm losing my muscle control.

That's great!
That's the third sign of sleep deprivation.

What's the first one?

Unsubstantiated euphoria. Yes!

Kate should be here any minute
to cover for me.

I'm cold. Nolan, give me your blanket.

Sure. Here you go.

Hey, Patrick?
What do you think about me and Lacey?

Yeah, not a big fan.

I mean, could you see us together?

The only way that happens
is if she's robbing a gas station

and using you as a human shield.

But you do see us together. Cool.

Thank God you're here.

I'm leaving.

What do you mean you're leaving? I have
to get some sleep before the session.

I have a client who's having a breakdown.
She's at the hospital.

Okay. This may sound a little harsh,

but can't they just strap her to a gurney,
pump her full of drugs,

and let her ride it out?
You know, kicking it old-school?

I have to sign her in.

So you'll be gone, what, a couple of hours?

The family is committing her.

The paperwork takes forever.
That's why we never did it with my mom.

It was easier to just let her
run around the house naked, covered in jam.

Okay. I really can't
process that right now.

But if you're not back in time, I'll have
to do the session on 36 hours of no sleep.

I'm sorry, but your muscle coordination
seems fine, your pupils are responsive,

and you're showing no signs
of unsubstantiated euphoria.

Look, let me just go and I will
get back as fast as I can.

You will? You will?

Hey.

Yeah?

So it's been almost 36 hours.
How you doing?

Not good. I think I just texted a picture
of my boobs to my dentist.

What a coincidence. He wants me
to come in tomorrow for a cleaning.

So, anyway, I was thinking,
if you're not doing anything,

I hear there's pizza in the kitchen.

Do you want to go?
Or I could just bring you a piece.

I don't want you touching my food.
I'll get it myself.

Great. It's a date.

We got a great table. Only problem
is it's so close to the kitchen.

Give me a Coke.

Okay.

This will be fine.

That was funny.

Thanks. When I'm tired, I'm really funny.

Fork.

Hey, guys. I'm going to make
some more coffee. What's so funny?

This fork was being hilarious.

All right. Giddy and mildly delusional. L
think we're getting real close to a session.

Really? Already?

I must have completely lost track of time.
This was great.

I hope we can do this again.
I'm going to go splash some pee on my face.

Face on my pee. I will see you later.

And I meant water.

It's a crazy night, huh?

You holding up okay?

Yeah. You've got something right there.

Did I get it?

No. Here, let me.

Lacey, you can't do that!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I meant to do this.

That's the same thing! Lacey. Lacey.
You have to stop this. You're exhausted.

What's going on right now
is called transference.

I'm going to get a tattoo of you
somewhere special,

and if you grow a little beard,
it will look perfect.

You're having these emotions because you
feel like I'm the only man in your life

who listens to you and cares
about you right now.

Oh, my God. You're right.
What am I doing? This is so embarrassing.

It's okay. Sorry. Nobody will know.
You're tired.

You don't know what you're doing.

Yes, I do.

Okay, you do a little bit.

You've clearly lost all your inhibitions.
It's time to get started.

Great.

With the session.

Okay, everyone.
Time for the session. Let's do this.

Ed, please turn off the bowling game.

All right. Fine.

Okay. I think we're at a point now where
we have the opportunity

to get beneath the surface of some issues
we've all been wrestling with.

Please, Ed. Tell me you're still bowling.

- Who would like to start?
- I would.

Two years ago, I was in New York.
I was in the back of the cab and my brother

got a phone call.

Does anybody have something real?

I would like to talk about something real.

Okay, but remember,
even though we're in therapy,

there are some things
that nobody wants to hear about.

You'll want to hear this. I've had a
lot of boyfriends break up with me

because they say I'm too sexual.

Well, stuff happens.
Nolan, you've been quiet.

Actually, I really want to hear
what Lacey has to say.

- Me, too.
- Sing it.

When I want someone,
I just have to have them.

And I tell them nothing's off-limits.

You can't hurt me. Ls
that unusual, Charlie?

Is there something wrong with me?

You seeing what I'm seeing?
That is an unusual way to sit, right?

Okay. Lacey, let's get into this.

Your sexually provocative behavior
is probably just you

trying to fill an emotional void
left behind from your childhood.

Wow. Void. Someone likes to talk dirty
with people watching.

She's a complete slut.

I could have told you that from the shoes.

I'm going to go get some pizza.
You remember pizza?

Looks like your ship
is taking on water, captain.

Not helping, Ed. People are just getting
into some more difficult truths.

Lacey is this close to realizing that she
doesn't need to use sex to get love.

I use love to get sex.

Love is empty and meaningless,
and sex lasts forever.

Two down, two to go.
Time to call in a Mayday.

Ed, please.

Everyone is experiencing emotions but me.
Why can't I feel anything real?

This isn't even real.

You just hit the iceberg, boy.
This whole thing is going down.

If I were you, I would call it a day.

I know what I'm doing.

The hell you do.

Shut up, Dad!

I apologize for "shut up."

I'm going to need a few minutes
in the kitchen to figure out "Dad."

You okay?

I tried to be objective
and I wind up yelling at a patient.

Come on, Charlie. Wake up.
Look what happened here.

You called one of your patients Dad. Freud
would be creaming his jeans over that.

Freud wouldn't wearjeans. He wore a slip.

A Freudian slip. I'm so tired.

But your hypothesis was correct.

The inhibitions came down
and the truth came out.

Yeah, for me.

Nobody else had a breakthrough?

Lacey cried, Nolan yelled, and Patrick
realized he's avoiding his real emotions.

That is huge!
And what did you realize about your dad?

I don't know. What did I realize?

Wake up!

Ed, he's on my ass just like my dad's
been my whole life.

I've never been good enough for him.

And?

Wake up!

Now it's just about hitting me, isn't it?

Why did you do this study?
Who do you want recognition from?

Have you asked yourself
even one of these questions?

Well, not yet. Someone has been
slapping the crap out of me.

Okay. I'm still trying to make my dad proud.
That's what this whole thing was about.

Why can't I be a normal person
and just want to have sex with my mom?

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
Except it's eggables and tofacon.

Ed, I'm very sorry about last night.
I was really burnt.

Good, because I was afraid
you were going to come over here

and ask me to take you fishing
or something.

If you want to go to
a strip club, I'd be up for that.

No, no.

Here's your blanket.

Keep it. Someday when you're lying
in your bed with it wrapped around you,

I want you to think about what
could have been.

Just take your stupid blanket.

You okay?

Yeah. Whatever I did last night,
don't take it seriously. I was crazy.

We all got a little crazy last night.

I was thinking about what you said,

and I may have some anger stuff
from when I was a kid,

stuff from my dad leaving or whatever.

Welcome to the club. This is a penny
my dad made for me at Carlsbad Caverns.

It's actually the last great time I
remember us ever having together.

I keep it for good luck.

So it reminds you that, even though you
have issues with your parents,

you can move past them?

Exactly.

Thanks. Hope it works.

Isn't that the coin you have been carrying
around for 35 years?

Yeah.

Did you mean to give it to her?

No.

How are you feeling?

Sad.

Do you want me to take
you to Carlsbad Caverns?

Is that a euphemism for something else?

Yes.

Then, yes.