Angel (1999–2004): Season 5, Episode 20 - The Girl in Question - full transcript
Angel and Spike's mission to help resurrect a demon gang leader in Italy is made more complicated when they learn that their former love, Buffy, might be in danger. Meanwhile, when the Burkles make a surprise visit to Wolfram & Hart, Illyria solves the problem by showing Wesley a frightening talent- a talent that challenges his own moral standing.
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We need to act on this now.
Not without
a full-risk analysis.
We don't wanna be rushing
into this thing half-cocked.
As opposed to the full-cock
that's been working
so well for us?
You got something
you wanna say?
Just don't wanna lose
another baby with
the bathwater, boss.
Fine.
We'll send Spike.
Bugger that.
Do it yourself.
[ Beeping ]
Spike, this is a delicate
matter that needs to be
handled with a lot of finesse.
And why the hell
are we talking to him?
Because he signed on to help.
Not to be some
glorified garbage collector.
It's not garbage.
It's a body.
And there's a bloody
gang war coming our way
if we don't get it back.
- Stiff's that important?
- It's the remains of
the capo di famiglia...
- of the Goran demon clan.
- Never heard of him.
That's 'cause the capo
was human tolerant.
Kept a low profile.
- More interested in profit
than mayhem.
- What happened to him?
Died on a business trip
in Italy. We need to go there,
retrieve his body...
and return it to his family
in the next-- [ Inhales ]
ooh, 26 hours.
Or what?
He gets deader?
No, he stays dead.
They die, they pupate,
they live again.
But only if the proper rituals
are performed by
the immediate family.
If the capo's body
isn't returned in time,
the rituals won't take.
So long, capo.
Hello, power vacuum.
Which the rival clans
will try to fill.
And they aren't
as tolerant of humans.
If we do this,
it all stays cool. If not--
We'll stick with do.
Okay, come on.
Hey, hey.
Pack your bags.
I don't even speak
the language.
- We'll get you a book.
- How do you say "wank off"
in Italian?
Can somebody please
just get on a plane?
What?
When?
Yeah. I understand.
Thanks.
All right.
What is it this time?
Übervamps? Demon gods?
Devil robots?
It's Buffy.
I said,
I'll take care of it.
Take care of what?
Is Buffy all right?
She will be
when I get there.
What happened?
What happened.
- The Immortal.
- The who?
- The foulest evil hell
ever vomited forth.
- Worse than you?
- He was spotted in Rome
near Buffy's--
- Wait a minute.
Rome? That's were
the capo died.
- That's definitely his M.O.
- The capo's?
The Immortal. He whacks
the capo, lures me to Rome.
Takes out a Slayer
and a vampire with a soul.
Plus, he starts a war when the
capo's body isn't returned for
resurrection. This guy's good.
So am I. Harmony, have the jet
fueled, ready for takeoff.
Do you really think
we can take him?
Whoa. What do you mean "we"?
You don't think I'm gonna
let you traipse off
to Italy without me, do you?
You don't speak the language.
I'll get a book.
Spike, you're only going to
make things worse.
Oh.
Look, we get the capo's body,
we rescue Buffy, we stop
the Immortal. It's that simple.
Unless he kills you,
which would be sad.
He's not gonna kill me.
Not if I'm with ya.
Admit it. You think you're
gonna ride in, save the day
and sweep Buffy off of her--
Like you're not
thinking the same thing.
I'm already seeing somebody.
- What, dog girl?
- Nina's a werewolf.
Fido know her boyfriend's
flying halfway around
the world to visit his ex?
Look, I was gonna call her,
and we're just hanging out.
She's not my girlfriend.
- This rate, never will be.
- Doesn't concern you, Spike.
I just wanna
see you happy.
Well, not too happy,
'cause then
I'd have to stake ya.
- Second thought, have at it.
- This isn't about us.
- You and Nina?
- Me and you.
This is a dangerous mission
that's only gonna get worse...
if we don't put aside
our differences.
We have to work together
on this to stop the Immortal
and save Buffy.
[ Exhales ]
Oh, and pick up
that demon body thingy.
- Partners then?
- Just like old times.
- You want a drink?
- God, yes.
Huh. Really can't
get drunk off these things.
Not us anyway.
Vampire constitution.
Not always a plus.
- How'd you know?
- Drank a lot of them,
and I still don't like you.
- About Buffy. How did you know
she was in trouble?
- I got word.
- From who?
- A source.
- You've been spying on her?
- I just wanted to make sure
she was all right.
Sending your lackeys
to do your stalking for you.
That is really pathetic.
All right, fine.
I'm not proud of it,
but it's-- it's Buffy.
How many you got on her?
Just the one.
But he got spotted.
Called me from the hospital
after he regained consciousness.
- You should've had more
of your people watching her.
- Yeah.
- We'll be landing soon.
- [ Sighs ]
- You remember the last time
we were in Italy?
- Like it were yesterday.
[ All ]
Ciao.
- Ciao.
- Wait a minute. I wasn't
in Italy in the '50s.
Oh, right.
Guess you weren't.
Really missed out.
Guess so.
Sounds a lot better than
when I remember it.
- 1894?
- The room of pain.
[ Chains Rattling ]
[ Grunts ]
William.
[ Grunts ]
Ow. Bloody hell.
That right bastard.
The Immortal thinks
he can do this to us.
- He doesn't know
who he's dealing with.
- [ Rattling ]
He's about to find out.
[ Loud Grunt ]
He's gonna curse the day
he ever crossed
purpose with Angelus.
- And William the Bloody.
- [ Both Grunt ]
We'll see how immortal he is
when we're done with him.
We'll carve him up
like a Sunday roast...
and make him watch as we feast
on his steaming flesh.
[ Straining ]
[ Exhales ]
How are you doing?
Bugger.
[ Growls ]
Your master sent you
to do his dirty work.
Ferry us to hell then.
We'll save a spot for him
next to the fire and the
mangy, dung-lick--
- A bit over the top there?
- His benevolence,
the Immortal...
wishes to convey his regrets
at having detained you.
But your recent actions
against his concerns
merited stiff reprimand.
- His concerns?
- This is our city.
We were here first.
No, actually, he was.
Three hundred years ago,
and now he's back.
You will leave
the city tonight
and never return...
under a penalty of death
so swift--
Go ahead,
take your best shot.
I'll snatch your wee sticks
out of the air
and spend the next fortnight...
shoving 'em slowly
up your arse.
[ Both Snickering ]
Can you really do that?
The arrow thing?
I don't know. Never tried.
Aw, look what he did
to me shirt.
- His benevolence,
the Immortal.
- In for a shock he is.
There's going to be
a reckoning after a good meal
and a long rest in the arms of--
- Darla.
- What have they done to her?
I can no longer hear
the song of the green.
You think that
includes me?
Her powers have been
greatly reduced.
She still has
an unusual level of strength,
but it's no longer
invulnerable or
able to alter time.
You revel in my defeat.
Is that how you view it?
You've been defeated?
My world gone.
My powers stripped.
How would you define it?
Uh, how about,
lucky we didn't kill you
when you went nuclear?
This fate
is worse than death.
Condemned to live out existence
in a vessel incapable of
sustaining my true glory.
How am I to function
with such limitation?
Have you ever tried
a Sea Breeze?
You attempt amusement
at the expense of your better.
Illyria, perhaps
you should return to the lab.
- I do not bend to your wishes.
- I'm not asking you to.
Merely suggesting that more
tests might lead to knowledge
of how to help you function.
I go because it suits me.
[ Exhales ]
Too bad that
whirly-jig thing didn't
suck the sass out of her.
She's overcompensating.
Posturing.
So she really wasn't
going to snap my stalk?
Her powers are weakened,
but she's still unpredictable.
Perhaps more so
until she learns to adjust.
We have to be careful
not to agitate her.
Burkles.
See? I told you
they would remember us.
Guess we do make an impression.
Why are you here?
I mean, what--
Hawaii.
Been saving up
for years.
Thought we'd take a layover
and surprise Fred.
Uh, know where we can find her?
Step into my office.
Let me handle this.
Bet you'd like to.
Spike? Oh, mio Dio.
[ Continues In Italian ]
What are you doing here?
About to ask you
the same question, Andrew.
Buffy and Dawn are letting me
crash. My casa was incinerated
when that thing happened.
- What thing?
- [ Chuckles ]
Cultural misunderstanding.
Let us speak
of more pleasant times.
[ Continues In Italian ]
I part my threshold.
I mean, my apartment,
obviously.
So, um, I had plans
later this evening,
but I could change them
if you guys wanna hang.
I could show you Rome at night.
A city of contrasts.
- Anywhere you wanna go.
Anything you wanna see.
- [ Together ] Buffy.
Right, because you two both--
- Yeah. She's not here.
- Where'd she go?
- To meet the Immortal.
- By herself?
- I told you I had plans.
- When did she leave?
- Just missed her.
- Then we're not too late.
Of course, it could be worse.
You're telling me.
Most nights,
they never leave the house.
Just curl up on the couch
and snuggle.
- They're snuggling?
- For starters.
Wait. Uh, you didn't know
they were together?
It's worse.
Darla. Darla. Darla.
What have they done?
My sweet death.
[ Sighs ]
Angelus, you're back.
I'd claw my way back
from the depths of hell
to lay by your side.
[ Spits ]
He's tasted you.
Who?
Who do you think?
Oh, that
cheeky bastard.
Had us tossed,
then violates your woman.
- Did he hurt you?
- Not until I asked him to.
Oh, come on.
Have you seen him?
With the eyes
and the chest...
and the immortality.
- We're immortal.
- Not like him.
He's not some common vampire.
He's--
I don't know what he is.
A giant.
A titan straddling good
and evil serving no master...
but his own
considerable desires.
Darla.
And spiritual.
Did you know he spent 150 years
at a Tibetan monastery?
Which I guess explains
all the desire.
- He's my arch nemesis.
- Oh, darling.
It was just fornication.
Really great fornication.
She's glowing, mate.
She isn't.
- Little bit.
- Best fit you for
a pair of antlers.
- Been made
the right cuckold, you have.
- Time for another pony ride?
Son of a bitch!
The both of you?
He is insatiable.
Drusilla, you let him
touch you?
- He felt like sunshine.
- No. No.
- That's why he had us tossed.
So he could violate--
- He didn't--
Violate our women!
Violate in succession!
- Concurrently.
- Concurrently?
You never let us do that.
Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath
so the boys can weep in private.
Will you hold me
under the water?
If you wish.
Mmm.
[ Giggles ]
This is a slight
that will not go unmet.
Death's too quick.
Not all deaths
are quick.
What do you have in mind?
I think it's time the Immortal
found out who he's dealing with.
I think it's time
for blood vengeance.
Blood vengeance.
Look, I'm sure
we're on the list.
Is there anything under
blood vengeance?
No. No blood vengeance.
Sorry.
- Maybe it's under Angelus.
- You are not on
the Immortal's list.
You know what?
To hell with the list.
You're not in here.
You're not going in there.
Piss off!
He mocks us at every turn.
The man has no sense
of indecency.
You remember Frankfurt?
He hatches the Rathruhn egg
personally and then just decides
to give those nuns safe passage.
Those were mynuns.
Yeah, nuns
are your thing.
Everybody knows that.
They respect it.
They respect us.
We are the reason men fear
the night. This isn't over yet,
Immortal! This'll never be over!
It's over...
just like that.
Not that I thought
I had a chance anyway.
At least I have a girlfriend.
- Still.
- Yeah.
The Immortal?
I mean,
come on.
She's smarter than that.
She'd never fall for
a centuries-old guy...
with a dark past
who may or may not
be evil.
She's under
some kind of spell.
I was thinking that.
We're gonna pick up
the capo's body--
Find the Immortal
and break his whammy.
Grazie, Signor Angelo.
We are in your debt for
attending to a delicate matter.
Grazie. Grazie.
Um, this is the, uh,
capo di famiglia of
the Goran demon clan?
Sì, sì.
The capo di famiglia.
Must have been
a wee fella.
[ Zipper Unzips ]
This is just his head.
Sì, sì. The head of
capo di famiglia.
What happened to
the rest of him?
When a Goran demon becomes
heavy with the age,
his head sag
and drop off like a ripe fig.
- So a new body
just hatches out of this?
-If the rituals...
are performed by
the family in time.
You must get the head of
the capo to Los Angeles
subito, eh?
- Sì?
- Sì. Subito.
- Is Buffy home yet?
- You guys, it's only 8:30.
Right.
Yeah.
Do you know
where they went?
This is a step up
from where you boys
used to hang your hats.
Ooh, a couple of steps.
Yes.
We--
Uh, you know, we didn't
wanna say anything,
but we were a little worried
about that old hotel.
Seemed a little rundown.
But Fred called it home,
so we just kept our mouths shut.
A girl reaches a certain age,
she's earned the right
to make her own decisions.
- Which with Fred
was around seven, wasn't it?
- [ Both Chuckle ]
- Mr. and Mrs. Burkle.
- Roger and Trish.
The way she goes on about
y'all, well, it feels like
we're practically family.
So, where's our
prodigal daughter?
Out saving the world
with that nice Angel fella?
Roger. Trish.
There's something
you need to know. Fred--
[ Fred's Voice ]
Mom?
[ Roger ]
Well, there she is now.
Dad, oh my God!
What are y'all doing here?
[ Roger ]
Sweetie.
Sight for sore eyes.
[ Roger ]
You look great.
♪♪ [ Dance ]
Dancing. Why'd it
have to be dancing?
- You speak English, luv?
- Sì, sì. I love the English.
We'll get along fine then.
We're looking for a girl.
American.
- Blonde hair, blue eyes?
- Many blonde American
coeducationals.
Spring break. The girls,
they go wild.
No, no. We're looking for
a friend of ours.
She's in trouble.
This, uh, ponce
called the Immortal--
Ah, sì, sì.
The Immortal's new regala.
They come while ago.
There.
Your friend maybe go
a little wild too. Sì?
Right.
Hold down the fort.
I'll be right back.
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, yeah. Here it comes.
The part where you run off
alone, play the big hero,
so Buffy'll take you back.
Well, news flash,
Blondie Bear,
never gonna happen.
Look, I know I don't have
a shot with her, all right?
Probably never did.
But I still care about her,
and I'm not gonna let her...
end up with a jerk like
the Immortal or you.
Ours is a forever love.
I had a relationship
with her too.
Okay, sleeping together
is not a relationship.
It is
if you do it enough times.
Spike. The head.
I thought you had it.
Hey!
Where do you think
you're going with
our head, Jeeves?
Anywhere he wants.
Don't suppose we can
talk about this
over a nice amaretto?
[ Man ]
♪ Once upon a lovely time ♪
♪ Many million dreams ago ♪
♪ Once there was a man
in love, dear ♪
♪ Many million dreams ago ♪
♪ Once he thought
he had a sweetheart ♪
♪ Then he broke
the golden rule ♪
♪ Never take your love
for granted ♪
♪ Wise men often play the fool ♪
♪ Now he'd like to say
I'm sorry ♪
♪ Can't you see
within his heart ♪
♪ Without you
there's no tomorrow ♪
♪ Why should true love
have to part ♪
♪♪ [ Dance ]
What the hell are you doing?
I was confused, you git.
It's very loud in here.
Where'd the little guy go?
[ Spike ]
Where'd he go?
[ Tires Screeching ]
Hey. That's our car.
He's got our car.
[ Engine Revs ]
Hop on, little mama.
I'm not riding
on the back.
He's getting away!
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Engine Puttering ]
Faster, come on.
Punch it.
Stop holding on so tight.
[ Horn Honking ]
Shortcut. Turn right.
Let go of me.
- Turn left, left.
We'll cut him off.
- All right, already!
[ Brakes Squealing ]
Geez! God!
[ Parts Clatter ]
One job, you know?
Hang on to the head.
That's it.
You were right there too.
I wasn't in charge of
the head.
Well, it's gone now, isn't it?
You gonna stand here
in the strada,
yellin' at me all night?
- Did you just say strada?
- It means street.
Yeah, I know
what it means.
Look. We only have 12 hours
to get that head back...
before Los Angeles becomes
a demon war zone.
Shall we argue some more,
or shall we get on with it?
All right.
You know, you're right.
No more screwing around.
We find that guy, get the head
back, then we get the hell
out of here. That's it.
Have you seen the blonde girl?
Buffy.
Her name is Buffy.
- She was dancing
with the Immortal.
- Did they leave?
- Relax, relax. It's okay.
- They're still here?
Oh, no. They're gone.
But you must relax.
- I pour you some wine.
- He's got her, Spike.
He's got Buffy.
Why is this
always happening to us?
It's him. The Immortal.
This is what he does.
Every time he shows up,
I either lose my girl,
get beaten by an angry mob,
or get thrown in prison
for tax evasion.
Long story.
Well, you know what?
It's different now.
We're different.
Hey. Damn right
we are.
We're not gonna be
his Shemps anymore.
No way, man.
We're just out
of our element here.
If this was L.A.,
we'd have him hog-tied by now.
If we had our resources,
our team, our helicopters,
he'd be in a world of--
Hang on. Doesn't
Wolfram and Hart
have an office here in Rome?
[ Bell Dings ]
[ Chattering In Italian ]
Huh.
Ciao! Benvenuti.
Welcome.
Spike.
[ Giggles ]
You are the very meaning
of handsome.
You take my breath away.
I have no breath.
[ Laughs ]
And you, what an honor.
[ Loud Kisses ]
The great Angelus.
- Actually, it's just Angel.
- Ah, yes, of course.
The Gypsies, they gave you
your soul. The Gypsies are
filthy people. [ Spits ]
And we shall
speak of them no more.
I am Ilona Costa Bianchi.
I am the C.E.O. of
the Roman offices
of Wolfram e Hart.
And, please,
we are at your disposal.
Whatever it is
that you want,
we give to you.
If you want the world,
we give you the world.
We give you two worlds,
in fact, because
this is our way.
Okay.
Good. Yeah.
Now let's go into my office
and we talk like adults, eh?
- Come. Pietro.
- Sì, signora?
[ Italian ]
[ Both Talking In Italian ]
She seems nice.
I gotta tell you.
Everyone is so dang friendly.
I can't get over it.
Well, they kind of
have to be, Daddy.
I'm their boss.
If they're mean to you
I'll just fire 'em.
[ Both Laugh ]
Have we not seen each other
since I ran over that bug demon
with the bus?
- How is that even possible?
- Things have been a bit hectic
these last couple years.
I wanna hear
absolutely everything,
but, most importantly,
- have you had
a young lady in your life?
- Mom.
What? I was just asking.
Can I help it if there's
a perfect gentleman...
hiding in plain sight
of my single daughter?
Dad, make her stop.
Knock it off,
big mouth.
If he keeps talking to me
like that, I'm gonna
keep you for myself.
Is this whole laboratory
yours, honey?
Well, technically, it's
the company's, but,
yeah, I'm in charge of it.
- Wanna see my office?
- That's it, up there?
Come on, baby.
Ooh.
What the hell
are you doing?
Visiting with my folks.
Illyria--
[ Voice Deepens ]
Your grief hangs off of you
like rotted flesh.
I couldn't tolerate it
from them as well.
I thought this would be
more convenient.
How is it possible?
It's a simple modulation
of my form.
I appear as I choose.
Do you wish me to stop?
Sweetie,
you have got to do
a better job decorating.
This office
is as bare as a bone.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
[ As Fred ]
Absotively.
Please, make yourselves
as though you were at home.
Your problems,
they are no more.
You have no more problems.
- What are your problems?
- Our friend. She's under
some sort of spell.
Cast by the vilest wretch
this side of Mount Everest,
which I'm told
he has climbed...
several times.
Look, he goes by
the name of the Immortal.
Ah, the Immortal. Ah.
Then your friend is lucky.
[ Chuckles ]
I have had dealings with
the Immortal many times,
and I must say that
the outcome is always...
most satisfactory.
He's got her trapped.
It's a love spell,
all right? And we--
Doubtful. The Immortal
doesn't use spells.
He considers them dirty.
Dirty tricks for dirty people.
Like Gypsies.
[ Spits ]
We will speak of them
no more.
Well, he's done something
magic to her.
We need to do some research.
Look, don't you guys
have, like,
an Italian Wesley here?
Yes, yes. We have.
But he's taking a nap,
and I do not need him
to tell me what is
already widely known.
That the Immortal
does not use magic.
Then it must be
something else.
We need to know everything
there is to know about him.
We need--
To keep your head.
[ Laughs ] Yes.
We know all about
your mission to retrieve
the capo di famiglia.
And I have to say, right now,
it seems a bit more important...
than trying to
pry your friend
off of the Immortal.
Your head is in
great danger.
We have already received a
ransom note. It was addressed
to you via our offices.
I took the liberty
of sneaking a peek.
We must hurry because
the drop is about to take place
in less than one hour.
All right. We're gonna need
a chase helicopter,
an assault team--
And guns.
Lots and lots of guns.
No, no, no, no.
No, no. The two of you
are so precious, but no.
This is a civilized country.
We do these things
all the time.
Somebody gets kidnapped.
Somebody pays the money.
Everybody goes home happy.
Grazie. Prego. Kiss, kiss.
We already have the money
ready to go.
Eh? Huh?
[ Sighs ]
All right. Fine.
- Whatever.
We'll do it your way.
- Who's making the drop?
I helped save
the world, you know.
Like I haven't.
Yeah. But I've done it
a lot more.
Oh, please.
Closed the Hellmouth.
I've done that.
[ Scoffs ]
You wore a necklace.
You know, I helped kill
the mayor and Jasmine.
Do those really count
as saving the world?
I stopped Acathla.
That saved the world.
Buffy ran you through
with a sword.
Yeah, but I made her do it.
I signaled her with my eyes.
She killed you.
I helped her.
That one counts as mine.
My point is,
I'm better than this, okay?
We're better than this.
What the hell
could Buffy see in him?
Perhaps she likes the cut
of his trousers.
Sorry to just drop in
on you like this unannounced.
Are you kidding me?
I'm just sad
y'all can't stay longer.
Well, the beach is calling.
Wesley,
you take care of our
little Fred for us, okay?
Of course.
Ah.
I miss you already,
and we haven't even gone yet.
[ Exhales ]
Are you sure you're okay?
You seem different somehow.
Aw, she's just
growing up, Mother.
Let her go.
You're gonna embarrass her
in front of her employees.
Stop it, Daddy.
Come here and give me a hug.
I love you guys
so much.
Oh, we love you too.
- We'll talk soon, okay?
- Countin' on it.
Did you get
what you needed
from that experience?
[ As Illyria ]
Yes. It was
most informative.
Good. Don't ever
do it again.
You must be so lonely.
Your girlfriend has become
lovers with the Immortal.
How unfortunate for you.
And how fortunate for her.
- You know the Immortal?
- But, of course.
[ Scoffs ]
I knew it.
None of this is a coincidence.
It's been his plan all along.
Steal our head, keep us busy
and traipse off with my girl.
Ourgirl.
It's a setup.
You're just his lackey.
I should be
so lucky.
The Immortal does not need
a man like me
to do his business.
He is a wild card.
A wolf removed
from the pack.
A stallion without, uh,
the bridle.
- What, are you
in love with him?
- No, no, no, no.
Well, yeah, okay. Yes.
But, uh, if anything,
he's more of
an inspiration.
A spiritual guide.
Have you read his book?
It's a life-changer.
[ Quietly ] I'm getting
a little tired of Italy.
Know what you mean.
Oh, look. The Americans
are relying on violence
to solve their problems.
What a surprise.
[ Shouting In Italian ]
Okay.
No more games.
[ Groans ]
One more step
and the head gets it, eh?
We are not animals.
We are Italiano.
You give us the money,
we give you the head.
You give us the money,
we give you the head.
The money, the head.
The money--
Yeah. We get it.
The money.
Hey.
Arrivederci, Americanos.
It was a pleasure to do
the business with you.
[ Men Laughing,
Chattering ]
Don't believe him
for a second. The Immortal's
neck-deep in all of this.
Of course he is.
He's screwing us.
He screwed us before
and he's screwing us now.
Yeah. Every time we hear
his bleeding name,
we end up standing in
the strada holding the bag.
[ Beeping ]
[ Spike Exhales ]
Civilized country--
Look what that squeaker
did to my jacket.
After everything
we've been through,
you're pissed about a jacket.
Not "a jacket". My jacket.
You have no idea what
I went through to get this.
You stripped it off
the body of a dead Slayer.
Which gives it
great sentimental value.
Besides, I've been wearing
it for over 30 years.
It's like a part of me.
Get over it.
Buy a new one.
It's my second skin.
It's who I am.
It's just one more thing
he's taken away that
I'll never get back.
Yeah.
This is good.
I'm glad you like because
I sent another 10 of them
to Los Angeles for you,
along with a fine
assortment of shoes.
[ Gasps ]
[ Italian ]
You look gorgeous.Oh!
I'm not sure
this is me.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is the latest style.
You will define handsome
for years to come.
Now, what happened to
the drop? No grazie, prego,
kiss, kiss?
Grazie. Prego.
Kaboom.
Oh, they always do this
to first-timers
in this country.
Did I not mention that?
You know what?
That's it.
- Call up the helicopters.
- And the assault team.
We're getting our head back.
No, no, no. I love
the two of you so much,
but brute force
will only get your
precious head smooshed.
You have done such
fine, quality work.
Now, please, relax.
Let us handle it from here.
Sometimes you have to put
your faith in a higher power.
We're heroes.
We don't need
any higher power.
I'll be in touch.
We make our own fate!
We don't need anybody
cleaning up our mess,
you know. We're champions!
Got this under control.
Yeah, we're just gonna--
We're--
[ Sighs ]
Shall we just go home?
[ Exhales ]
Oh, God, yes.
Couldn't get me
out of this rat hole
of a country fast enough.
- Is Buffy back yet?
- Sorry. Not yet.
You guys can hang if you want.
I'm just heading out.
Oh. Hey, nice jacket.
- It's the latest style.
- Andrew--
Has Buffy been acting off?
Like the Immortal's got her
under a spell of sorts?
Excellent question. No.
- Could it be mind control?
- Or a love potion?
- Did she drink a love potion?
- Seriously, I thought of
all those things,
but, it turns out, Buffy fell
for the Immortal on her own,
and now she's happy, that's it.
But she's not finished
baking yet. I gotta wait
till she's done baking.
You know, till she
finds herself.
'Cause that's the drill. Fine.
I'm waiting patiently,
and meanwhile, the Immortal's
eating cookie dough.
Uh, Spike,
is Angel crying?
No.
Not yet.
May wanna hold
the waterworks, big guy.
The Immortal's cool and all,
but he ain't all that.
He's got his flaws.
Really?
Wh-What are they?
[ Sighs ]
The point is,
she's moving on.
You guys do the same.
You might catch her one day.
One of you anyway.
But you keep running in place,
you're gonna find
she's long gone.
It is a bit silly.
Us, chasing her around
like a couple of
henpecked teenagers.
Buffy loves both of you,
but she's gotta live her life.
People change.
You guys should
try it sometime.
[ Knocking ]
[ Italian ]
[ Continues In Italian ]
Ciao.
Well,
maybe it's time we--
Yeah.
[ As Fred ]
Wes?
Are you, like,
mad at me or something?
Stop it.
[ As Illyria ]
Isn't it what
you desire?
[ As Fred ] I mean,
you love me. I love you.
What's the big deal?
I loved her.
[ As Illyria ]
You loved this.
And part of you still does.
I can feel it in you.
I... wish to
explore it further.
Never.
You, like this.
It sickens me.
[ As Fred ]
Oh, Lord. We both know
that ain't true.
Stop it.
Change back. Be blue.
Be anything.
Don't be her.
Don't ever be her.
As you wish.
Thanks.
[ Bell Dings ]
Gunn, we lost the head.
Start preparing the troops
for war.
Head's in your office.
What?
It's on your desk.
"With regards,
the Immortal."
You know,
I really hate that guy!
What's Buffy thinking?
Honestly?
She doesn't exactly
have the best taste in men.
Case in point.
Hey. I think
I turned out all right.
Yeah. Once she got
through with you.
I wasn't the one living
in alleys, rubbing rat filth
all over my face.
If we're talking projects,
you're the Sistine Chapel.
- I wasn't a project.
- Well, neither was I.
Can't we just
lock her away in a box...
where no one can ever
touch her-- you know,
like we did with Pavayne?
I don't think she'd let us.
I mean, she's pretty strong.
We could do a spell,
some sort of mind control.
Oh, she'd figure it out.
She's pretty smart.
[ Quietly ]
Yeah.
[ Scoffs ]
So, what? We just
have to live with it?
Get on with our lives?
Fraid so.
[ Forced Exhale ]
Fine. No problem.
I was planning on
doing that anyway.
Yeah? Me too.
Actually, I'm doing it
right now, as we speak.
I'm moving on.
Moving on.
Oh, yeah.
Right now.
Movin'.
Grr! Arrgh!
---
We need to act on this now.
Not without
a full-risk analysis.
We don't wanna be rushing
into this thing half-cocked.
As opposed to the full-cock
that's been working
so well for us?
You got something
you wanna say?
Just don't wanna lose
another baby with
the bathwater, boss.
Fine.
We'll send Spike.
Bugger that.
Do it yourself.
[ Beeping ]
Spike, this is a delicate
matter that needs to be
handled with a lot of finesse.
And why the hell
are we talking to him?
Because he signed on to help.
Not to be some
glorified garbage collector.
It's not garbage.
It's a body.
And there's a bloody
gang war coming our way
if we don't get it back.
- Stiff's that important?
- It's the remains of
the capo di famiglia...
- of the Goran demon clan.
- Never heard of him.
That's 'cause the capo
was human tolerant.
Kept a low profile.
- More interested in profit
than mayhem.
- What happened to him?
Died on a business trip
in Italy. We need to go there,
retrieve his body...
and return it to his family
in the next-- [ Inhales ]
ooh, 26 hours.
Or what?
He gets deader?
No, he stays dead.
They die, they pupate,
they live again.
But only if the proper rituals
are performed by
the immediate family.
If the capo's body
isn't returned in time,
the rituals won't take.
So long, capo.
Hello, power vacuum.
Which the rival clans
will try to fill.
And they aren't
as tolerant of humans.
If we do this,
it all stays cool. If not--
We'll stick with do.
Okay, come on.
Hey, hey.
Pack your bags.
I don't even speak
the language.
- We'll get you a book.
- How do you say "wank off"
in Italian?
Can somebody please
just get on a plane?
What?
When?
Yeah. I understand.
Thanks.
All right.
What is it this time?
Übervamps? Demon gods?
Devil robots?
It's Buffy.
I said,
I'll take care of it.
Take care of what?
Is Buffy all right?
She will be
when I get there.
What happened?
What happened.
- The Immortal.
- The who?
- The foulest evil hell
ever vomited forth.
- Worse than you?
- He was spotted in Rome
near Buffy's--
- Wait a minute.
Rome? That's were
the capo died.
- That's definitely his M.O.
- The capo's?
The Immortal. He whacks
the capo, lures me to Rome.
Takes out a Slayer
and a vampire with a soul.
Plus, he starts a war when the
capo's body isn't returned for
resurrection. This guy's good.
So am I. Harmony, have the jet
fueled, ready for takeoff.
Do you really think
we can take him?
Whoa. What do you mean "we"?
You don't think I'm gonna
let you traipse off
to Italy without me, do you?
You don't speak the language.
I'll get a book.
Spike, you're only going to
make things worse.
Oh.
Look, we get the capo's body,
we rescue Buffy, we stop
the Immortal. It's that simple.
Unless he kills you,
which would be sad.
He's not gonna kill me.
Not if I'm with ya.
Admit it. You think you're
gonna ride in, save the day
and sweep Buffy off of her--
Like you're not
thinking the same thing.
I'm already seeing somebody.
- What, dog girl?
- Nina's a werewolf.
Fido know her boyfriend's
flying halfway around
the world to visit his ex?
Look, I was gonna call her,
and we're just hanging out.
She's not my girlfriend.
- This rate, never will be.
- Doesn't concern you, Spike.
I just wanna
see you happy.
Well, not too happy,
'cause then
I'd have to stake ya.
- Second thought, have at it.
- This isn't about us.
- You and Nina?
- Me and you.
This is a dangerous mission
that's only gonna get worse...
if we don't put aside
our differences.
We have to work together
on this to stop the Immortal
and save Buffy.
[ Exhales ]
Oh, and pick up
that demon body thingy.
- Partners then?
- Just like old times.
- You want a drink?
- God, yes.
Huh. Really can't
get drunk off these things.
Not us anyway.
Vampire constitution.
Not always a plus.
- How'd you know?
- Drank a lot of them,
and I still don't like you.
- About Buffy. How did you know
she was in trouble?
- I got word.
- From who?
- A source.
- You've been spying on her?
- I just wanted to make sure
she was all right.
Sending your lackeys
to do your stalking for you.
That is really pathetic.
All right, fine.
I'm not proud of it,
but it's-- it's Buffy.
How many you got on her?
Just the one.
But he got spotted.
Called me from the hospital
after he regained consciousness.
- You should've had more
of your people watching her.
- Yeah.
- We'll be landing soon.
- [ Sighs ]
- You remember the last time
we were in Italy?
- Like it were yesterday.
[ All ]
Ciao.
- Ciao.
- Wait a minute. I wasn't
in Italy in the '50s.
Oh, right.
Guess you weren't.
Really missed out.
Guess so.
Sounds a lot better than
when I remember it.
- 1894?
- The room of pain.
[ Chains Rattling ]
[ Grunts ]
William.
[ Grunts ]
Ow. Bloody hell.
That right bastard.
The Immortal thinks
he can do this to us.
- He doesn't know
who he's dealing with.
- [ Rattling ]
He's about to find out.
[ Loud Grunt ]
He's gonna curse the day
he ever crossed
purpose with Angelus.
- And William the Bloody.
- [ Both Grunt ]
We'll see how immortal he is
when we're done with him.
We'll carve him up
like a Sunday roast...
and make him watch as we feast
on his steaming flesh.
[ Straining ]
[ Exhales ]
How are you doing?
Bugger.
[ Growls ]
Your master sent you
to do his dirty work.
Ferry us to hell then.
We'll save a spot for him
next to the fire and the
mangy, dung-lick--
- A bit over the top there?
- His benevolence,
the Immortal...
wishes to convey his regrets
at having detained you.
But your recent actions
against his concerns
merited stiff reprimand.
- His concerns?
- This is our city.
We were here first.
No, actually, he was.
Three hundred years ago,
and now he's back.
You will leave
the city tonight
and never return...
under a penalty of death
so swift--
Go ahead,
take your best shot.
I'll snatch your wee sticks
out of the air
and spend the next fortnight...
shoving 'em slowly
up your arse.
[ Both Snickering ]
Can you really do that?
The arrow thing?
I don't know. Never tried.
Aw, look what he did
to me shirt.
- His benevolence,
the Immortal.
- In for a shock he is.
There's going to be
a reckoning after a good meal
and a long rest in the arms of--
- Darla.
- What have they done to her?
I can no longer hear
the song of the green.
You think that
includes me?
Her powers have been
greatly reduced.
She still has
an unusual level of strength,
but it's no longer
invulnerable or
able to alter time.
You revel in my defeat.
Is that how you view it?
You've been defeated?
My world gone.
My powers stripped.
How would you define it?
Uh, how about,
lucky we didn't kill you
when you went nuclear?
This fate
is worse than death.
Condemned to live out existence
in a vessel incapable of
sustaining my true glory.
How am I to function
with such limitation?
Have you ever tried
a Sea Breeze?
You attempt amusement
at the expense of your better.
Illyria, perhaps
you should return to the lab.
- I do not bend to your wishes.
- I'm not asking you to.
Merely suggesting that more
tests might lead to knowledge
of how to help you function.
I go because it suits me.
[ Exhales ]
Too bad that
whirly-jig thing didn't
suck the sass out of her.
She's overcompensating.
Posturing.
So she really wasn't
going to snap my stalk?
Her powers are weakened,
but she's still unpredictable.
Perhaps more so
until she learns to adjust.
We have to be careful
not to agitate her.
Burkles.
See? I told you
they would remember us.
Guess we do make an impression.
Why are you here?
I mean, what--
Hawaii.
Been saving up
for years.
Thought we'd take a layover
and surprise Fred.
Uh, know where we can find her?
Step into my office.
Let me handle this.
Bet you'd like to.
Spike? Oh, mio Dio.
[ Continues In Italian ]
What are you doing here?
About to ask you
the same question, Andrew.
Buffy and Dawn are letting me
crash. My casa was incinerated
when that thing happened.
- What thing?
- [ Chuckles ]
Cultural misunderstanding.
Let us speak
of more pleasant times.
[ Continues In Italian ]
I part my threshold.
I mean, my apartment,
obviously.
So, um, I had plans
later this evening,
but I could change them
if you guys wanna hang.
I could show you Rome at night.
A city of contrasts.
- Anywhere you wanna go.
Anything you wanna see.
- [ Together ] Buffy.
Right, because you two both--
- Yeah. She's not here.
- Where'd she go?
- To meet the Immortal.
- By herself?
- I told you I had plans.
- When did she leave?
- Just missed her.
- Then we're not too late.
Of course, it could be worse.
You're telling me.
Most nights,
they never leave the house.
Just curl up on the couch
and snuggle.
- They're snuggling?
- For starters.
Wait. Uh, you didn't know
they were together?
It's worse.
Darla. Darla. Darla.
What have they done?
My sweet death.
[ Sighs ]
Angelus, you're back.
I'd claw my way back
from the depths of hell
to lay by your side.
[ Spits ]
He's tasted you.
Who?
Who do you think?
Oh, that
cheeky bastard.
Had us tossed,
then violates your woman.
- Did he hurt you?
- Not until I asked him to.
Oh, come on.
Have you seen him?
With the eyes
and the chest...
and the immortality.
- We're immortal.
- Not like him.
He's not some common vampire.
He's--
I don't know what he is.
A giant.
A titan straddling good
and evil serving no master...
but his own
considerable desires.
Darla.
And spiritual.
Did you know he spent 150 years
at a Tibetan monastery?
Which I guess explains
all the desire.
- He's my arch nemesis.
- Oh, darling.
It was just fornication.
Really great fornication.
She's glowing, mate.
She isn't.
- Little bit.
- Best fit you for
a pair of antlers.
- Been made
the right cuckold, you have.
- Time for another pony ride?
Son of a bitch!
The both of you?
He is insatiable.
Drusilla, you let him
touch you?
- He felt like sunshine.
- No. No.
- That's why he had us tossed.
So he could violate--
- He didn't--
Violate our women!
Violate in succession!
- Concurrently.
- Concurrently?
You never let us do that.
Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath
so the boys can weep in private.
Will you hold me
under the water?
If you wish.
Mmm.
[ Giggles ]
This is a slight
that will not go unmet.
Death's too quick.
Not all deaths
are quick.
What do you have in mind?
I think it's time the Immortal
found out who he's dealing with.
I think it's time
for blood vengeance.
Blood vengeance.
Look, I'm sure
we're on the list.
Is there anything under
blood vengeance?
No. No blood vengeance.
Sorry.
- Maybe it's under Angelus.
- You are not on
the Immortal's list.
You know what?
To hell with the list.
You're not in here.
You're not going in there.
Piss off!
He mocks us at every turn.
The man has no sense
of indecency.
You remember Frankfurt?
He hatches the Rathruhn egg
personally and then just decides
to give those nuns safe passage.
Those were mynuns.
Yeah, nuns
are your thing.
Everybody knows that.
They respect it.
They respect us.
We are the reason men fear
the night. This isn't over yet,
Immortal! This'll never be over!
It's over...
just like that.
Not that I thought
I had a chance anyway.
At least I have a girlfriend.
- Still.
- Yeah.
The Immortal?
I mean,
come on.
She's smarter than that.
She'd never fall for
a centuries-old guy...
with a dark past
who may or may not
be evil.
She's under
some kind of spell.
I was thinking that.
We're gonna pick up
the capo's body--
Find the Immortal
and break his whammy.
Grazie, Signor Angelo.
We are in your debt for
attending to a delicate matter.
Grazie. Grazie.
Um, this is the, uh,
capo di famiglia of
the Goran demon clan?
Sì, sì.
The capo di famiglia.
Must have been
a wee fella.
[ Zipper Unzips ]
This is just his head.
Sì, sì. The head of
capo di famiglia.
What happened to
the rest of him?
When a Goran demon becomes
heavy with the age,
his head sag
and drop off like a ripe fig.
- So a new body
just hatches out of this?
-If the rituals...
are performed by
the family in time.
You must get the head of
the capo to Los Angeles
subito, eh?
- Sì?
- Sì. Subito.
- Is Buffy home yet?
- You guys, it's only 8:30.
Right.
Yeah.
Do you know
where they went?
This is a step up
from where you boys
used to hang your hats.
Ooh, a couple of steps.
Yes.
We--
Uh, you know, we didn't
wanna say anything,
but we were a little worried
about that old hotel.
Seemed a little rundown.
But Fred called it home,
so we just kept our mouths shut.
A girl reaches a certain age,
she's earned the right
to make her own decisions.
- Which with Fred
was around seven, wasn't it?
- [ Both Chuckle ]
- Mr. and Mrs. Burkle.
- Roger and Trish.
The way she goes on about
y'all, well, it feels like
we're practically family.
So, where's our
prodigal daughter?
Out saving the world
with that nice Angel fella?
Roger. Trish.
There's something
you need to know. Fred--
[ Fred's Voice ]
Mom?
[ Roger ]
Well, there she is now.
Dad, oh my God!
What are y'all doing here?
[ Roger ]
Sweetie.
Sight for sore eyes.
[ Roger ]
You look great.
♪♪ [ Dance ]
Dancing. Why'd it
have to be dancing?
- You speak English, luv?
- Sì, sì. I love the English.
We'll get along fine then.
We're looking for a girl.
American.
- Blonde hair, blue eyes?
- Many blonde American
coeducationals.
Spring break. The girls,
they go wild.
No, no. We're looking for
a friend of ours.
She's in trouble.
This, uh, ponce
called the Immortal--
Ah, sì, sì.
The Immortal's new regala.
They come while ago.
There.
Your friend maybe go
a little wild too. Sì?
Right.
Hold down the fort.
I'll be right back.
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, yeah. Here it comes.
The part where you run off
alone, play the big hero,
so Buffy'll take you back.
Well, news flash,
Blondie Bear,
never gonna happen.
Look, I know I don't have
a shot with her, all right?
Probably never did.
But I still care about her,
and I'm not gonna let her...
end up with a jerk like
the Immortal or you.
Ours is a forever love.
I had a relationship
with her too.
Okay, sleeping together
is not a relationship.
It is
if you do it enough times.
Spike. The head.
I thought you had it.
Hey!
Where do you think
you're going with
our head, Jeeves?
Anywhere he wants.
Don't suppose we can
talk about this
over a nice amaretto?
[ Man ]
♪ Once upon a lovely time ♪
♪ Many million dreams ago ♪
♪ Once there was a man
in love, dear ♪
♪ Many million dreams ago ♪
♪ Once he thought
he had a sweetheart ♪
♪ Then he broke
the golden rule ♪
♪ Never take your love
for granted ♪
♪ Wise men often play the fool ♪
♪ Now he'd like to say
I'm sorry ♪
♪ Can't you see
within his heart ♪
♪ Without you
there's no tomorrow ♪
♪ Why should true love
have to part ♪
♪♪ [ Dance ]
What the hell are you doing?
I was confused, you git.
It's very loud in here.
Where'd the little guy go?
[ Spike ]
Where'd he go?
[ Tires Screeching ]
Hey. That's our car.
He's got our car.
[ Engine Revs ]
Hop on, little mama.
I'm not riding
on the back.
He's getting away!
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Engine Puttering ]
Faster, come on.
Punch it.
Stop holding on so tight.
[ Horn Honking ]
Shortcut. Turn right.
Let go of me.
- Turn left, left.
We'll cut him off.
- All right, already!
[ Brakes Squealing ]
Geez! God!
[ Parts Clatter ]
One job, you know?
Hang on to the head.
That's it.
You were right there too.
I wasn't in charge of
the head.
Well, it's gone now, isn't it?
You gonna stand here
in the strada,
yellin' at me all night?
- Did you just say strada?
- It means street.
Yeah, I know
what it means.
Look. We only have 12 hours
to get that head back...
before Los Angeles becomes
a demon war zone.
Shall we argue some more,
or shall we get on with it?
All right.
You know, you're right.
No more screwing around.
We find that guy, get the head
back, then we get the hell
out of here. That's it.
Have you seen the blonde girl?
Buffy.
Her name is Buffy.
- She was dancing
with the Immortal.
- Did they leave?
- Relax, relax. It's okay.
- They're still here?
Oh, no. They're gone.
But you must relax.
- I pour you some wine.
- He's got her, Spike.
He's got Buffy.
Why is this
always happening to us?
It's him. The Immortal.
This is what he does.
Every time he shows up,
I either lose my girl,
get beaten by an angry mob,
or get thrown in prison
for tax evasion.
Long story.
Well, you know what?
It's different now.
We're different.
Hey. Damn right
we are.
We're not gonna be
his Shemps anymore.
No way, man.
We're just out
of our element here.
If this was L.A.,
we'd have him hog-tied by now.
If we had our resources,
our team, our helicopters,
he'd be in a world of--
Hang on. Doesn't
Wolfram and Hart
have an office here in Rome?
[ Bell Dings ]
[ Chattering In Italian ]
Huh.
Ciao! Benvenuti.
Welcome.
Spike.
[ Giggles ]
You are the very meaning
of handsome.
You take my breath away.
I have no breath.
[ Laughs ]
And you, what an honor.
[ Loud Kisses ]
The great Angelus.
- Actually, it's just Angel.
- Ah, yes, of course.
The Gypsies, they gave you
your soul. The Gypsies are
filthy people. [ Spits ]
And we shall
speak of them no more.
I am Ilona Costa Bianchi.
I am the C.E.O. of
the Roman offices
of Wolfram e Hart.
And, please,
we are at your disposal.
Whatever it is
that you want,
we give to you.
If you want the world,
we give you the world.
We give you two worlds,
in fact, because
this is our way.
Okay.
Good. Yeah.
Now let's go into my office
and we talk like adults, eh?
- Come. Pietro.
- Sì, signora?
[ Italian ]
[ Both Talking In Italian ]
She seems nice.
I gotta tell you.
Everyone is so dang friendly.
I can't get over it.
Well, they kind of
have to be, Daddy.
I'm their boss.
If they're mean to you
I'll just fire 'em.
[ Both Laugh ]
Have we not seen each other
since I ran over that bug demon
with the bus?
- How is that even possible?
- Things have been a bit hectic
these last couple years.
I wanna hear
absolutely everything,
but, most importantly,
- have you had
a young lady in your life?
- Mom.
What? I was just asking.
Can I help it if there's
a perfect gentleman...
hiding in plain sight
of my single daughter?
Dad, make her stop.
Knock it off,
big mouth.
If he keeps talking to me
like that, I'm gonna
keep you for myself.
Is this whole laboratory
yours, honey?
Well, technically, it's
the company's, but,
yeah, I'm in charge of it.
- Wanna see my office?
- That's it, up there?
Come on, baby.
Ooh.
What the hell
are you doing?
Visiting with my folks.
Illyria--
[ Voice Deepens ]
Your grief hangs off of you
like rotted flesh.
I couldn't tolerate it
from them as well.
I thought this would be
more convenient.
How is it possible?
It's a simple modulation
of my form.
I appear as I choose.
Do you wish me to stop?
Sweetie,
you have got to do
a better job decorating.
This office
is as bare as a bone.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
[ As Fred ]
Absotively.
Please, make yourselves
as though you were at home.
Your problems,
they are no more.
You have no more problems.
- What are your problems?
- Our friend. She's under
some sort of spell.
Cast by the vilest wretch
this side of Mount Everest,
which I'm told
he has climbed...
several times.
Look, he goes by
the name of the Immortal.
Ah, the Immortal. Ah.
Then your friend is lucky.
[ Chuckles ]
I have had dealings with
the Immortal many times,
and I must say that
the outcome is always...
most satisfactory.
He's got her trapped.
It's a love spell,
all right? And we--
Doubtful. The Immortal
doesn't use spells.
He considers them dirty.
Dirty tricks for dirty people.
Like Gypsies.
[ Spits ]
We will speak of them
no more.
Well, he's done something
magic to her.
We need to do some research.
Look, don't you guys
have, like,
an Italian Wesley here?
Yes, yes. We have.
But he's taking a nap,
and I do not need him
to tell me what is
already widely known.
That the Immortal
does not use magic.
Then it must be
something else.
We need to know everything
there is to know about him.
We need--
To keep your head.
[ Laughs ] Yes.
We know all about
your mission to retrieve
the capo di famiglia.
And I have to say, right now,
it seems a bit more important...
than trying to
pry your friend
off of the Immortal.
Your head is in
great danger.
We have already received a
ransom note. It was addressed
to you via our offices.
I took the liberty
of sneaking a peek.
We must hurry because
the drop is about to take place
in less than one hour.
All right. We're gonna need
a chase helicopter,
an assault team--
And guns.
Lots and lots of guns.
No, no, no, no.
No, no. The two of you
are so precious, but no.
This is a civilized country.
We do these things
all the time.
Somebody gets kidnapped.
Somebody pays the money.
Everybody goes home happy.
Grazie. Prego. Kiss, kiss.
We already have the money
ready to go.
Eh? Huh?
[ Sighs ]
All right. Fine.
- Whatever.
We'll do it your way.
- Who's making the drop?
I helped save
the world, you know.
Like I haven't.
Yeah. But I've done it
a lot more.
Oh, please.
Closed the Hellmouth.
I've done that.
[ Scoffs ]
You wore a necklace.
You know, I helped kill
the mayor and Jasmine.
Do those really count
as saving the world?
I stopped Acathla.
That saved the world.
Buffy ran you through
with a sword.
Yeah, but I made her do it.
I signaled her with my eyes.
She killed you.
I helped her.
That one counts as mine.
My point is,
I'm better than this, okay?
We're better than this.
What the hell
could Buffy see in him?
Perhaps she likes the cut
of his trousers.
Sorry to just drop in
on you like this unannounced.
Are you kidding me?
I'm just sad
y'all can't stay longer.
Well, the beach is calling.
Wesley,
you take care of our
little Fred for us, okay?
Of course.
Ah.
I miss you already,
and we haven't even gone yet.
[ Exhales ]
Are you sure you're okay?
You seem different somehow.
Aw, she's just
growing up, Mother.
Let her go.
You're gonna embarrass her
in front of her employees.
Stop it, Daddy.
Come here and give me a hug.
I love you guys
so much.
Oh, we love you too.
- We'll talk soon, okay?
- Countin' on it.
Did you get
what you needed
from that experience?
[ As Illyria ]
Yes. It was
most informative.
Good. Don't ever
do it again.
You must be so lonely.
Your girlfriend has become
lovers with the Immortal.
How unfortunate for you.
And how fortunate for her.
- You know the Immortal?
- But, of course.
[ Scoffs ]
I knew it.
None of this is a coincidence.
It's been his plan all along.
Steal our head, keep us busy
and traipse off with my girl.
Ourgirl.
It's a setup.
You're just his lackey.
I should be
so lucky.
The Immortal does not need
a man like me
to do his business.
He is a wild card.
A wolf removed
from the pack.
A stallion without, uh,
the bridle.
- What, are you
in love with him?
- No, no, no, no.
Well, yeah, okay. Yes.
But, uh, if anything,
he's more of
an inspiration.
A spiritual guide.
Have you read his book?
It's a life-changer.
[ Quietly ] I'm getting
a little tired of Italy.
Know what you mean.
Oh, look. The Americans
are relying on violence
to solve their problems.
What a surprise.
[ Shouting In Italian ]
Okay.
No more games.
[ Groans ]
One more step
and the head gets it, eh?
We are not animals.
We are Italiano.
You give us the money,
we give you the head.
You give us the money,
we give you the head.
The money, the head.
The money--
Yeah. We get it.
The money.
Hey.
Arrivederci, Americanos.
It was a pleasure to do
the business with you.
[ Men Laughing,
Chattering ]
Don't believe him
for a second. The Immortal's
neck-deep in all of this.
Of course he is.
He's screwing us.
He screwed us before
and he's screwing us now.
Yeah. Every time we hear
his bleeding name,
we end up standing in
the strada holding the bag.
[ Beeping ]
[ Spike Exhales ]
Civilized country--
Look what that squeaker
did to my jacket.
After everything
we've been through,
you're pissed about a jacket.
Not "a jacket". My jacket.
You have no idea what
I went through to get this.
You stripped it off
the body of a dead Slayer.
Which gives it
great sentimental value.
Besides, I've been wearing
it for over 30 years.
It's like a part of me.
Get over it.
Buy a new one.
It's my second skin.
It's who I am.
It's just one more thing
he's taken away that
I'll never get back.
Yeah.
This is good.
I'm glad you like because
I sent another 10 of them
to Los Angeles for you,
along with a fine
assortment of shoes.
[ Gasps ]
[ Italian ]
You look gorgeous.Oh!
I'm not sure
this is me.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is the latest style.
You will define handsome
for years to come.
Now, what happened to
the drop? No grazie, prego,
kiss, kiss?
Grazie. Prego.
Kaboom.
Oh, they always do this
to first-timers
in this country.
Did I not mention that?
You know what?
That's it.
- Call up the helicopters.
- And the assault team.
We're getting our head back.
No, no, no. I love
the two of you so much,
but brute force
will only get your
precious head smooshed.
You have done such
fine, quality work.
Now, please, relax.
Let us handle it from here.
Sometimes you have to put
your faith in a higher power.
We're heroes.
We don't need
any higher power.
I'll be in touch.
We make our own fate!
We don't need anybody
cleaning up our mess,
you know. We're champions!
Got this under control.
Yeah, we're just gonna--
We're--
[ Sighs ]
Shall we just go home?
[ Exhales ]
Oh, God, yes.
Couldn't get me
out of this rat hole
of a country fast enough.
- Is Buffy back yet?
- Sorry. Not yet.
You guys can hang if you want.
I'm just heading out.
Oh. Hey, nice jacket.
- It's the latest style.
- Andrew--
Has Buffy been acting off?
Like the Immortal's got her
under a spell of sorts?
Excellent question. No.
- Could it be mind control?
- Or a love potion?
- Did she drink a love potion?
- Seriously, I thought of
all those things,
but, it turns out, Buffy fell
for the Immortal on her own,
and now she's happy, that's it.
But she's not finished
baking yet. I gotta wait
till she's done baking.
You know, till she
finds herself.
'Cause that's the drill. Fine.
I'm waiting patiently,
and meanwhile, the Immortal's
eating cookie dough.
Uh, Spike,
is Angel crying?
No.
Not yet.
May wanna hold
the waterworks, big guy.
The Immortal's cool and all,
but he ain't all that.
He's got his flaws.
Really?
Wh-What are they?
[ Sighs ]
The point is,
she's moving on.
You guys do the same.
You might catch her one day.
One of you anyway.
But you keep running in place,
you're gonna find
she's long gone.
It is a bit silly.
Us, chasing her around
like a couple of
henpecked teenagers.
Buffy loves both of you,
but she's gotta live her life.
People change.
You guys should
try it sometime.
[ Knocking ]
[ Italian ]
[ Continues In Italian ]
Ciao.
Well,
maybe it's time we--
Yeah.
[ As Fred ]
Wes?
Are you, like,
mad at me or something?
Stop it.
[ As Illyria ]
Isn't it what
you desire?
[ As Fred ] I mean,
you love me. I love you.
What's the big deal?
I loved her.
[ As Illyria ]
You loved this.
And part of you still does.
I can feel it in you.
I... wish to
explore it further.
Never.
You, like this.
It sickens me.
[ As Fred ]
Oh, Lord. We both know
that ain't true.
Stop it.
Change back. Be blue.
Be anything.
Don't be her.
Don't ever be her.
As you wish.
Thanks.
[ Bell Dings ]
Gunn, we lost the head.
Start preparing the troops
for war.
Head's in your office.
What?
It's on your desk.
"With regards,
the Immortal."
You know,
I really hate that guy!
What's Buffy thinking?
Honestly?
She doesn't exactly
have the best taste in men.
Case in point.
Hey. I think
I turned out all right.
Yeah. Once she got
through with you.
I wasn't the one living
in alleys, rubbing rat filth
all over my face.
If we're talking projects,
you're the Sistine Chapel.
- I wasn't a project.
- Well, neither was I.
Can't we just
lock her away in a box...
where no one can ever
touch her-- you know,
like we did with Pavayne?
I don't think she'd let us.
I mean, she's pretty strong.
We could do a spell,
some sort of mind control.
Oh, she'd figure it out.
She's pretty smart.
[ Quietly ]
Yeah.
[ Scoffs ]
So, what? We just
have to live with it?
Get on with our lives?
Fraid so.
[ Forced Exhale ]
Fine. No problem.
I was planning on
doing that anyway.
Yeah? Me too.
Actually, I'm doing it
right now, as we speak.
I'm moving on.
Moving on.
Oh, yeah.
Right now.
Movin'.
Grr! Arrgh!