Angel (1999–2004): Season 5, Episode 12 - You're Welcome - full transcript

[BANGING]

He's been here.

Picking up loads of trace signatures.

- Fred.
- Hair follicles, enzymes and something...

Blood.

But it's not his. It's...

Oh, God.

I think God is out at the moment.

GUNN:
Why would Greenway do this?

It was just
a stupid racketeering charge.

I told him we'd get him off
with probation if he shut down.



He's a Wolfram and Hart client.

Our client. Oh, and he's evil.
What are the odds?

- What do we do now?
ANGEL: Now?

I find Greenway
and I kill every inch of him.

WESLEY:
You won't.

Five holy women.

This wasn't random. It's ritual.

He's jumped dimensions.

- What?
- Also not shockingly...

...our client practices black arts.

He's escaped through
a pan-dimensional doorway.

- Disappeared into some infinite universe.
- Fred?

My equipment can't track
anything out of this dimension.

Even if it was possible,
it would take months, maybe years.



- That's it.
- But probably months.

Or maybe weeks, if I really pushed.

- I can't do this anymore.
GUNN: Do what?

Any of this. Living with it.
Running Wolfram and Hart.

I quit.

You're Welcome

There's nothing more to discuss.
I'm resigning.

Seems like a ripe topic
for discussion to me.

What happened last night was tragic.

- It's a terrible setback, but...
- Setback, Wes?

Status quo. Evil wins,
because instead of just wiping it out...

...we negotiate with it.

Or worse, for it.

Angel, we're doing the best we can.

It's not that you aren't doing your jobs.
We shouldn't be doing these jobs at all.

Or I shouldn't.

Let's say we've all had enough.
What'd happen to us...

...if we tried to say "bye"?
The ramifications, I mean.

You think the senior partners
will just let us breeze on out?

You're saying we're trapped here?

I'm saying we knew what we were
getting into when we signed up.

Let's not pretend this was some lease
with an option to buy.

Gunn, you really think
they won't let us out?

Or is it that you just
don't wanna leave?

Okay, maybe I don't.

It's because I believe in what
we're doing. We made the right call.

I'm sure that legal brain upgrade
they gave you has nothing to do with...

We all got something out of this.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yeah, it's Angel.

What?

What is it?

It's Cordelia.

- Cordelia?
CORDELIA: Yeah.

That chick's in rough shape.

You'd think they'd give
Ms. One-Foot-ln-The-Grave...

...a private room.

Which brings me to:

Hey, couldn't you stick me
someplace...

...that smells a little less like
ammonia-soaked death?

- Cordy.
- Yeah. It's me.

[LAUGHING]

It's extraordinary. You're...

You look...

- I don't wanna say really hot, but...
- Oh, yes, you do.

I'm a vision of hotliness.
And how weird is that?

Mystical comas. If you can stand
the horror of a higher power...

...hijacking your mind and body to give
birth to itself, I really recommend him.

- You remember?
- Last year?

Yeah, I remember everything,
pretty much.

At least until I slipped into slumberland.

Maternal instincts aside,
I hope you kicked its ass for me.

Is everybody all right?

Yeah. Great. We're all...

- Yes, super.
- Super, yes.

Super. Why don't we get you
out of here.

I love that plan.

I hope you brought me some clothes,
because, damn.

- Oh. We weren't expecting...
- We could stop and buy some.

Whoa! Great! Shopping!

I love that idea, because I'm not
so ready to go back to the hotel yet.

Not a problem.

- I can't.
- It's okay.

See? It's just an office.

Going about its day.

Nothing scary popping out at you.
Just regular people going...

[CORDELIA SCREAMS]

LAWYER: Yeah, found the scamp
hiding in a copier.

Living on nothing but toner fluid.
Can you beat that?

The slave. I assume the archduke
is gonna beat him and all that.

That's nothing.

- Do you wanna see my office?
CORDELIA: Yeah.

- Lorne!
- Are you huggable?

It is so good to see...

Oh, my God, Gunn. You have hair.

Oh. Yeah. What did you think,
I was prematurely bald?

I wasn't.

[LORNE CHUCKLING]

- Oh... Hey, Fred.
- Hi, Cordy.

- So where's Connor?
- Who?

What do you mean, who?
Connor. Isn't he...?

- Angel, where's your...?
- Oh, my God!

I can't believe you're here.

Likewise, since the last time I saw you
you tried to kill me.

Oh, Harmony, she's...

Actually, she's my secretary.

Oh, well, things just keep getting
better and better.

I know.
You and me, together again.

So how was the coma?

Harmony, I think Cordy's had
enough excitement.

Why don't you... Why doesn't everybody
get back to work.

GUNN: Great to see you.
- We'll talk later.

When you're ready to splash back
into that acting pool, just say the word.

I'll have you lunching with Colin Farrell
like that.

Who's Colin Farrell?

Cordy, I know there's a lot to take in,
a lot of changes.

But I promise you,
things here are working out.

- Really.
- Yeah.

With these resources...

...there's nothing we can't do.

No one we can't save.

Except maybe yourself.

What?

I had a vision
from The You-Know-What That Be.

That's what woke me up.

And you know something?

When higher powers send you
coma visions, you better pay attention.

ANGEL:
What did you see?

You. In trouble.

Also, these weird symbols.

Glyphs, I guess, on a wall.

And on flesh.

A tattoo.
And there's a woman behind you.

- You saw a woman in your vision?
- No, lunkhead, right now.

Behind you.

You weren't home upstairs. Didn't think
you'd mind me using your elevator.

Eve, I mind you breathing. Get out.

Yeah, sure. Except I'm here
to convey the partners' concern.

Little issue of you letting a client
skip out of our dimension.

Dead nuns we can deal with,
but the firm's out 10 million in bail costs.

I ask you, is that any way
to run a business?

Who's your friend, Angel?

I'm Cordelia Chase.

- Oh. My name's...
- I didn't ask.

Right.

Cordelia Chase.

Oh, yeah, Angel talked a lot about you.

- At first.
- I told security not to let you in here.

Sweetie, I'm liaison
to the senior partners.

You honestly think you have any control
over my comings and goings?

Well, maybe not my goings...

...you had a way with my comings
at the Halloween party.

So you two are groin buddies?

- And I thought Darla was rock-bottom.
- We're not...

Just once.

It was special circumstances.

Lorne told us to, but mystically.

We'll talk business later, big guy.
I'll let you two catch up.

And I'll let you walk out with
your head still attached to your body.

Harmony, I want security keeping tabs
on Eve while she's in the building.

HARMONY: Got it.
- That's the kind of person...

...you do business with now.

Do you realize what's happening?
You've made a deal with the devil.

Come on, Cordy.
You're being a little overdramatic.

- It's not that...
- I gotta go. Everything's in place.

- He'll draw up the paperwork.
- Good, great.

- Racquetball Thursday?
- Okay, then.

What did I do?

[BEEPING]

You made the biggest mistake of
your life, and I'm gonna make you pay.

Oh, yeah.

Feel my wrath, gorilla throwing barrels.

Bloody hell.

Really should knock
on a bloke's door.

Especially one that's got no qualms
about killing trespassers.

Come on.

Is that any way
to talk to your benefactor?

I'm just concerned about you.
You haven't been out in the field lately.

In case you haven't been keeping up...

...I got my hands hacked off by that
deranged slayer you sent me after.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

But good buddies at Wolfram and Hart
managed to reattach them just fine.

You sit around here
and play video games.

Rehab, mate.

Working out the digits.

You have no idea how rotten this feels.

You know, amazingly enough, I do.

Yeah. Got my hand cut off
a few years back.

Line of duty.

So believe me when I say
I can feel your pain.

Half of it, anyway. Give you that.

Don't forget, you got a job to do.

The Powers That Be
are counting on their champion.

- So are all the other helpless people...
- Don't need a pep talk, Doyle.

I already plan on going out. You just get
a vision, tell me when and where.

That's what l...

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

That's what I like to hear.

- Yeah?
EVE: We got a big problem.

- Can this wait?
- Kind of not. Cordelia Chase is awake.

- Really?
- She's talking about a vision she had...

... steering Angel right toward you.

Come on, you stupid plumber!

Bloody forget it!

Well, now, I guess this calls
for a change of plans.

MAN [OVER TV]:
If you need help, then look no further.

Angel Investigations is the best.

- Our rats are low...
CORDELIA: Rates.

It says, "rats."

Our rates are low,
but our standards are high.

When the chips are down...

... and you're at the end of your rope...

... you need someone
that you can count on.

And that's what you'll find here.

Someone who 'll go all the way,
who 'll protect you, no matter what.

So don 't lose hope.

Sorry.

I was snooping.

- I found this.
- No, it's okay.

Just...

- You couldn't sleep?
- Oh.

No sleep for me.
I've slept enough for one lifetime.

Been a long while since I'd seen that.

First soldier down.

Yeah.

Doyle pissed me off so righteously
going out like that...

...but he knew.

Knew what he had to do.
Didn't compromise.

He used his last breath
to make sure you'd keep fighting.

I get that now.

Cordy...

...there are reasons I agreed
to take over Wolfram and Hart...

...reasons you don't understand.

I understand just fine.

They seduced you...

...with all their fancy facilities.

Manpower. Threw a whole bunch
of money at you.

Supplied you with these expensive toys,
penthouses with spectacular views, and...

Really spectacular.

- What was I saying?
- I've been seduced.

That's right, pal.

They dazzled you with shiny objects
and beautiful things...

...and there is no reason
you could give me...

- Connor.
- Where is Connor?

- Why did Gunn ask...?
- They don't remember him.

It was part of my agreement
to take this job.

The senior partners altered reality...

...gave Connor a life,
a real family, a childhood.

Something I could never give him.

He's got no memories of us,
and no one remembers him.

Except me and you.

And Eve, for some reason.

So not only did you strike a deal with
your worst enemy to give up your son...

...you let them rape the memories
of your friends.

He was about to kill you and himself.

He was so torn up. I didn't have
any other way to stop him...

...any way to help him.

Connor's happy now...

...and we're doing fine here.

I mean, we've done
some great work here.

Don't give me that
"everything's fine here" company line.

I'm not buying it. Neither are you.

And neither are The Powers That Be.

Why do you think they woke me up,
gave me that vision?

They know you slipped the track, and
they want me to help put you back on it.

You're wrong about the powers.

They're not in my corner anymore.

Looks like Spike
is their new champion.

Spike?

- Spike who?
- Spike.

He's got a soul now,
and he saved the world.

And he's out there on the streets,
you know, helping the helpless.

Okay, Spike's a hero,
and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated.

What fricking Bizarro world
did I wake up in?

ANGEL:
I'm sorry.

I naturally assumed
you'd be lost without me...

...but this?
- I am lost without you.

- You just forgot who you are.
- Remind me.

Oh, no.

That's for you to figure out, bubba.

I can tell you who you were.

A guy who fought for what was right,
even when he couldn't remember why...

...even when he was miserable, which
was a not-small portion of the time.

He did right,
and that gave him something...

...a light, a glimmer.

And that's the guy I fell in...

The, um...

The guy I knew.

I see him around here,
and maybe I'll start believing.

Let me know if you do.

Do you ever wonder...?

Do you ever think about...

...if we'd met up that night
and had a chance to...?

All the time.

Guess we missed our moment, huh?

Maybe we were meant to.

Or maybe people like us
just don't get to...

...have that.

Angel, there are no people like us.

EVE:
You're not worried at all?

She's awake.

That means The Powers That Be
are getting nervous. Taking an interest.

Higher stakes. That likes me fine.

I'm not sitting
at the $5 table anymore.

You know the house always wins.

So the question becomes,
whose house are we in?

Senior partners gave that Euro-trash
vampire everything I'd worked for.

Couldn't let that slide.

They didn't see me coming.

Maybe they're getting too old for this.

It all comes back to Angel, doesn't it?

He's still the center of your universe.

No, baby.

You are.

[CORDELIA SIGHS]

Remember how I said:

"Let's not have your department
look for the symbols in my vision...

...let's do this like we used to,
you and me, cracking the books"?

- Yes.
- Well, that was dumb.

What'd you ever listen to me for?

I don't know.
I think I sort of missed this.

You and me and the books.

"Kicking it old school," as they say...

...and I never will again.

Wes?

Last year, when that higher...

...whatever...

...took over my body...

...did those things...

...nobody's talking about it.

What's to say?
We all understand it wasn't you.

Do you?

You didn't kill Lilah.

I know.

Still...

...I'm sorry.

I just wanted to tell you that before...

Hey, that's them.

Those. The tats.

Look. Ah.

Protection runes,
derived from the Enochian alphabet.

The ones from your vision
are symbols...

...some kind of concealment spell.

"Clouds before the All-Seeing Eyes."

Mmm. Okay, this part I didn't miss,
cryptic poetry.

They protect the bearer
from being viewed remotely...

...from higher powers, seers, mystics...

...or, transposed to today,
any means of modern surveillance.

Somebody really wants to stay hidden.

[BEEPING]

[GROANING]

Place is like a rat maze.

Complete with rats.

Spike. Well, well.

Heard you weren't evil anymore,
which kind of makes the hair silly...

...or nice.

[SCREAMING]

Took me on and lost,
remember, old man?

Yeah. Touch Cordelia again...

...get ready for our very last rematch.

She's evil, you gormless tit!

Excuse me? Who bit whom?

- You call me a tit?
- I thought he had a soul.

- I thought she didn't.
- I do.

- So do I.
- Clearly, mine's better.

- Look...
- I see fangs, I'm gonna play dentist.

You call this guy the big hero?

- Did you call me a hero?
- I didn't know you were eating people.

Oh, God. It was a taste test, you git.

Needed to know
if my source told the truth...

...and actually, well,
you don't taste evil.

Demons are more astringent,
with a sort of a oaky...

What source?

I got a guy. Has an in with
The Powers That Whatsit. Gets visions.

- Visions?
- Said she was taken over by a big bad.

- Came to destroy you all.
- His vision's a rerun.

That thing that possessed her
is long dead.

- Looks like Tattoo Boy was wrong.
- Wait.

Tattoos?

- What kind of tattoos?
- I don't know.

Symbols. Tribal-like.

This guy with the visions.
Do you have a name?

Called himself Doyle.

No, he didn't kill her.
She's still alive.

Now they're talking. A lot.

LINDSEY:
Hey, it was a long shot.

Listen, babe, I'm almost there,
so get out of the building.

Right now.

Can we have a word with you, Eve?

- Now's really not a good time.
- Let's go, Lilah Jr.

- We've got a problem, Eve.
- Damn right you do.

When I say you assaulted me...

A couple of weeks ago
a man approached Spike.

Told him The Powers That Be
have some missions for him.

Spike, brain trust that he is,
went along with it.

SPIKE:
Hey.

He's the one who told Spike
to save me from the parasite.

The parasite you put on me
in the first place.

- Not again.
CORDELIA: Get out of that chair...

...and I will feed you
those Manolo Blahniks.

Which are stunning, by the way.

ANGEL: Seems like you're
working together.

I don't know what you're talking about.
You can't keep me here. I have to leave.

But the thing that really,
really pisses me off...

...is that this guy seems to be going
by the name of Doyle.

- Doesn't ring a bell.
- It does to me.

Rings a big fricking gong.
I wanna know who has the nerve...

...to be using that name.

I'll give you one chance
to tell me where he is.

Look, I don't know what...

- Excuse me, boss?
- Not now, Harmony.

Okay, but do I
get the afternoon off too?

- What?
HARMONY: Everybody's gone.

The whole building cleared out
a few minutes ago.

What's going on, Eve?

[WHIRRING]

Wakey, wakey.

A message went out, Code Seven,
right before the building emptied.

- What's a Code Seven, Eve?
- I don't know.

- Seriously.
- This is getting us nowhere. Torture her.

- What?
- What?

You heard me. Building's clearing out,
means there's no time. Have at it.

I can't just torture her.

He's right, Cordy.
If we sink to their level, then...

Harmony!

Is this okay?
I mean, I am evil, technically.

- I don't mind torturing her for the team.
- Yeah. Okay.

- Come on, you hussy, spill it!
- Okay, okay. Stop.

It's a fail-safe.

They built a fail-safe.

Harmony, she's talking.

She is?

Already? Well, that sucks.

The senior partners were never certain
they could control you...

...so they created a fail-safe,
housed it in the sublevels.

- What kind of fail-safe?
- I don't know exactly, but it's huge...

...and alive...

...and specifically designed
to destroy you.

- How can I stop it?
- Only way to shut it down...

...is in the chamber itself.

If that's true, who activated it
in the first place?

You were with us
when this place cleared out.

Had to be someone else.

Someone with the ability to slip past
the security systems.

Like our magically-tattooed faux Doyle.

ANGEL: I don't want to go in blind.
You know anything else?

Not much. Average size.
Dressed like an urban cowboy.

Got his hand chopped off once.

His hand?

He's back.

- Lindsey.
- Who?

Lock the building down.

He won't show up on security
because of his tattoos.

We could fix that. I'll need help.

My dance card's free.

FRED:
Who is Lindsey?

A lawyer.
Wolfram and Hart's former golden boy...

...till he left to go find himself.
- Should've stayed lost.

Harmony, guard Eve.

- She moves, eat her.
- Really? Thanks.

- You're not going down there alone.
- I'm not gonna risk anybody I care about.

- I'll go.
- Okay.

Be ready to evacuate
if it gets past me.

- Past us.
- No, no. Cordy.

Save it. You can order me around
all you want, but I know my rights...

...and I wanna see a lawyer.

What the bloody hell is this?

Let's find out.

Zombies. Swell.

- No time for this!
- Go. I'll hold them back.

Come on, lads.

No need to be gentle.
We're all dead men here.

Bye-bye, Angel.

Hello, Lindsey.

And the hero arrives, right on schedule...

...and with a date.
- Yeah. Dinner and a show...

...and you're both.

Is this where I get all weak in the knees?
Promise I'll never do it again?

Little late for that, Doyle.

There's always time for redemption.

- Isn't that your whole thing?
- You had your chance.

I guess some people just never change.

I did.

- Just gonna lay there and bleed?
- Cordy, get out of here.

No.

Hang out. This won't take long.

CORDELIA:
Angel!

Well, it's not the size that matters,
big guy.

It's how you use it.

- Shut it down.
- Say please.

- I wasn't talking to you.
- Oh. Right. On it.

So go and get yourself a little mojo?

Should never have come back.

What can I say? I missed you.

Uh... Okay. Let's try the blue one.

Ow! Okay, not the blue one.

Little something I picked up in Nepal.
You like it?

They sell that crap at the airport.

You know, all my carefully laid-out plans,
my designs...

...when you get right down to it,
this is pretty sweet too, huh?

Reason enough for me to come back.

You, me...

...fight to the death.

- Yours.
- Seen your tough act before, you squirt.

First time we ever met,
you put on a show.

Huffing and puffing. Telling me I couldn't
lay a hand on your scumbag client.

- So you kicked him out a window.
- Good times.

It was a defining moment.

[BANGING]

Kind of like this one.

Oh, crap.

- Woodbury lichen.
- Check.

WESLEY: Our Danbeetle skeleton?
GUNN: Already in the bowl.

I should be down there.

Got enough Betty Crockers.
I should throw some hurt.

"Sprinkle ingredients
with the arterial blood of an unclean."

- A demon.
- We're unclean? Like you're April fresh.

- You sure that thing said "arterial blood"?
- Sorry.

Why don't they ever need
the urine of an unclean?

I've got plenty of unclean urine.

Look, I think
I'm making some right now.

That must've stung.

Worse when you cut off my hand.

Angel!

Who is this? Who is this?

I came to fight the vampire with a soul.

Guess you shouldn't have sold it, huh?

Look at you. From champion...

...to pathetic corporate puppet
in just a few months.

You used to have fire in your heart.

Now all you got in there's a big honking
sword. How's that feel, champ?

Could be worse...

...if it'd been made out of wood,
you dumb-ass!

You are gonna give it up.

[WHIRRING STOPS]

- Like that was so hard.
- No!

All those tattoos...

...all those new tricks you've learned...

...just don't matter.

Doesn't matter what you try...

...or where I am,
or how badass...

...you think you've become...

...because you know what?

I'm Angel.

I beat the bad guys.

You okay?

- I've been worse.
- So, what now?

Think you got it in you to kill me?

Really don't think I have to.

Sweetie, your epidermis is showing.

Fabula mundi, sanguis incesti...

... vincula solve, invisa revela.

I think I can feel it working.

Damn.

I think the senior partners
would like a word.

You don't think they're angry, do you?

It's really been a pleasure.
Let's never keep in touch.

It's a new game, Eve.
If I were you, I'd start thinking strategy.

Here I am thinking revenge.

And what do you imagine
the senior partners are thinking?

Well, I'm thinking Seabreeze, compadres.

- I gave up a lot of blood for this gig.
- And I didn't get any.

I kept begging Eve to run, but...

I've been prancing around
thinking I had a destiny.

Love to drown my embarrassment
in a few pints.

We should all go get a drink.
We haven't done that in...

...ever.
- I'm in. Cat and the Fiddle?

Yeah. Unless, of course,
you're busy packing.

A drink sounds good.

I'll go get my coat.

You guys go ahead. We'll catch up.

And Wesley?

You still work the best mojo in town.

I bleed from the neck, he gets the props.

[CHUCKLES]

So...

You feel good?

I do. I just...

I kind of feel bad about it.

My god, you are a piece of work.

I just don't feel like I deserve...

All I did was beat up a tiny Texan.

Not like I helped anyone.

Sure you did.

- Who?
- Boy, I really do fall for dumb ones.

You know how you're always trying
to save every single person in the world?

Did it ever occur to you
you're one of them?

No, it never did.

Well, you made the list, gorgeous.

- And you needed some help.
- And you were the one that helped me.

I did my part.

Lindsey wasted a lot of energy
trying to make me doubt myself.

I know it's not even close to over.

I do feel like I can do this.

Wolfram and Hart, whatever's coming,
I feel like we can beat it.

I know.

You do?

I always did.

I...

I just needed you to know it too.

- So all that about deals with the devil...
- Is God's honest truth.

But you're bigger than that.

You'll win this in the end.

I just wish I could be there to see it.

What do you mean? You're not...

I can't stay.

This isn't me anymore.

You can say goodbye
to the gang for me.

Explain everything,
once you understand.

That's gonna be never.
I need you here.

Don't make this hard, Angel.

I'm just on a different road.

And this is my off-ramp.

The Powers That Be owed me one,
and I didn't waste it.

I got my guy back on track.

- Cordy, there's just...
- We take what we can get, champ.

And we do our best with it.

I'll be seeing you.

What the hell.

One for the road?

[RINGING]

You know, uh... I don't have to...
I don't need to get that.

That, you have to get.

Oh... And you're welcome.

Hello.

Yes, I know, she's...

But that's impossible.
She's standing right...

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

So when did she die?

Did she...?

She never did wake up.

I see.

Thank you.

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