Angel (1999–2004): Season 3, Episode 7 - Offspring - full transcript

Darla comes back to LA, bringing Angel news of their baby. As Team Angel tries to find out how a vampire pregnancy is even possible, Angel must deal with his growing feelings for Cordy and ...

ANGEL: Previously on Angel:
- The Host reads their souls.

CORDELIA:
But only when they sing karaoke.

Imagine what could have happened if
you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla.

I would never do that.

Get out. The next time I see you,
I'll have to kill you.

I cannot help you. No man can.
This is not meant to be known.

I guess there's only one thing
left to do. Time to go visit Daddy.

[DOOR OPENS]

[HOLTZ SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Monseigneur Rivalli performed the
ceremony when Caroline and I wed.



- You remember Caroline.
- A pretty lass. Hardy screamer.

The monseigneur's been excommunicated.

His order, Inquisitori,
adheres to the old beliefs.

They're traditionalists
and good at their work.

Let's get started, shall we?

[ANGEL SCREAMS]

[ANGEL GROANS]

You lost me in North Africa.

I knew you'd come back to Europe.
But Rome, Angelus?

Why would you come
to the seat of all that's holy?

- Darla. She loves the Sistine Chapel.
- Michelangelo?

ANGEL: Not him.
She's mad about Boticelli's frescoes.

The Temptation of Christ is her
favorite because of the leper.

- What do you want, Holtz?
- I don't want anything.



My family's gone.

I don't trust you to give me Darla,
although I will find her.

My only desire is to discover
if a thing such as yourself...

...can be made to pay for its sins.

[SCREAMS]

You're a demon.
Your nature is to maim and kill.

But you were also once a man.

If we beat and burn the demon out
of you, will there be anything left?

Anything at all?

I doubt it, but I'm willing to spend
the next fortnight finding out.

In either event, you have no soul.
You cannot be saved.

Sorry it took me so long, darling.

Kill them.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

DARLA:
Grazie, padre.

- Darling...
DARLA: What?

ANGEL:
...shouldn't we be killing Holtz?

But it's so much fun,
ruining his life.

He's like family now.

Thanks for the lift.
That didn't take long at all.

And they say there's no
public transportation in L.A.

[WOMAN WHIMPERS]

Help! We got a Code 12
on the 5-8 line!

Offspring

What's this?

It's just so dark down here
I thought I'd brighten it up.

You can't exactly go out and
enjoy the sunny fields of nature...

...but that doesn't mean we can't bring
a little bloom into your darkness.

[SNIFFS]

- Fake.
- Put something real in here...

...and it'll die like that:

- Thank you?
- I've been around...

Which reminds me, next birthday, can
we skip the 250 candles on the cake...

...and just go with a little song?
- And I've never known anyone like you.

Time's a wasting, big guy.
Can we do it?

Okay. Last time, we worked
on not pulling your punches.

Don't worry about me.
That's good.

Good.

That's it. Where's your weight?
Don't forget to...

Oh, God! You said to...
Are you all right?

I'm a vampire. You can't hurt me.

- Good.
- You're off your game.

It's the prophecy Wes and Gunn
are trying to get.

- You think the end is coming.
- The end is not coming.

Someone always uncovers
some ancient scroll...

...that says something terrible
is coming.

Do you know how many
of these things I've seen?

- Four?
- Three, but don't worry.

Then why are they breaking
and entering right now?

Breaking and entering
is such a negative term.

They're retrieving pieces
of a Nyazian scroll to confirm...

That the end is coming.

All we can do is live each moment
to the fullest...

...and be glad we didn't lose
all our money in the NASDAQ.

Am I swelling?

Step one: Dobermans are gnawing steak,
alarm and vid lines are disabled...

...no infrared. Lucky break.

Step two: Cut a hole, snake the
minicam in, scan the interior.

If it's clear, we disable the locks
on the side door, thus completing...

...step three.

Thank you.

[WESLEY WHISTLES]

Can you believe this?

Some guys collect old cars.
Some guys...

It's like the eye follows you
wherever you go.

If you were a priceless Nyazian scroll,
where would you be?

If I was priceless...
I'd be in the vault.

The vault? Your snitch never said
anything about a vault.

I got a bad feeling.

We'll figure something out.
It's just a vault.

My bad feeling is more about the man
standing behind you with a large gun.

Move, and I'll kill you.

WESLEY: I hope you call the police.
- I am.

Good. You can explain why you
have so much GHB.

You know, Rohypnol,
the date-rape drug.

- What?
- Used as a trancing amalgam.

Under the microscope, it's virtually
indistinguishable from GHB.

- All right, I won't call the police.
- I'm glad we understand each other.

- Until after I kill you.
- Oh.

- Hey, these worth a lot?
- Yes.

- They're Cyopian conjuring spheres.
- How much? Four figures each?

- Stop that.
- Put the weapon down.

Kind of delicate. We're not thieves,
we're investigators.

We need to look at your
Nyazian scroll.

- I'm getting kind of tired here.
- All right.

Always wanna finish big.

CORDELIA: Ow. That doesn't feel right.
ANGEL: Just relax. You have to bend.

CORDELIA:
I don't bend there.

Now, that's downright unnatural.

If you're attacked from behind...

...shift all your weight
to your other foot...

...so you can spin and kick.
You try it.

Easy. All right, that's better.

We'll keep working on it.
That's enough for today.

We could do more, but then I'd have
to ice every bone in my body. See you.

- Hey, Fred.
FRED: Hey.

Kyrumption.

Well, back at you.

ANGEL: What did you say?
- Kyrumption.

It's the one nice word I remember
from the Pylean hell dimension.

ANGEL: What's it mean?
- It's when two heroes meet in battle...

...and recognize their fate.

It's also a grog made of ox dung,
but that's archaic.

Well, that's interesting.

When I see you and Cordelia sparring,
kyrumption always comes to mind.

Me and Cordelia?

I know. She's such a hero,
with the visions and the courage.

It's only natural you two
are drawn to one another.

Plastic flowers, my favorite.
They never fade, you know.

There's nothing going on between
me and Cordelia.

- Nothing but moira.
- Who's Moira?

Moira's the gut attraction
between larger than life souls.

No. There's no attraction. Cordelia's
a friend, someone I work with.

See? You're being chivalrous because
you're a hero. You've got kyrumption.

- Stop using that word!
WESLEY: What's going on down here?

- Nothing.
- Fred doesn't need to be shouted at.

He didn't mean anything by it.

- Is there something you wanted?
- Gunn and I were hoping...

...you could help with the prophecies.
We need someone to do the math.

Sure.

- Who gave you all the flowers?
- Nobody.

GUNN: So how you doing, Fred?
- It's a simple equation, really.

The ancient Roman calendar had
1464 days in a four-year cycle.

The Etruscan, Sumerian and Dradian
have their own cycles.

Work forward from the presumed date
of the prophecy...

...under each calendar, factoring in
our own 365-day calendar and...

That can't be right,
unless the world ended last March.

GUNN: We talking Armageddon
or a bad house number?

- Is it a bad event or a bad guy?
WESLEY: It's not clear.

It predicts the arrival
of the Tro-Clon...

...a being that brings
mankind's ruination.

A two-for-one. That's nice.

I'm not clear on the translation.
Ruination may, in fact, be purification.

Purification?
So this is a good thing?

I doubt that. It's "purification"
in Aramaic, "ruination" in Greek...

...and in Ga-Shundi, it's both.

And you don't want to make
the same mistake twice.

- No.
- What mistake?

There was a prophecy a while back.

It was about Angel and used
the word "shanshu"...

...which I thought meant "to die,"
and I told Angel...

- That he was going to die.
FRED: Oh, no.

Then I found out it also meant
"to live." It means both.

- So which is it?
WESLEY: Both.

In his case, it meant that the vampire
in him might die...

...but the human in him might live.
- That he'd be like a normal man?

- Yes.
FRED: Wow.

What would we do if that happened?

I'd buy him some plaid shirts
and take him to the beach.

- The boy needs some color.
FRED: There.

That came out better.
No, it didn't.

It's preliminary, but if these
calculations are correct...

...this bad thing
should already be here.

Well, I guess not right here,
but here in L.A.

Let me run those numbers again.

Hey.

ANGEL:
Hey.

- Why are you looking at me like that?
- No reason.

Okay, it's getting creepy now.

I was just thinking about things.
People. You know, how they relate.

Take you and me, for instance.
We're very different, obviously.

Human. Vampire.

Woman. Man... pire.

Has someone been putting vodka
in your blood?

You're funny. I get off a good one
now and then, but you...

Angel, are you trying
to say you love me?

- What?
- I love you too.

You do?

- When...?
- Angel loves me. I love him.

- Oh, my God.
- And we love you guys.

GROUP:
We love you, Angel!

They were all saying it in case
this prophecy comes true, and we die.

- You're not gonna want a hug, are you?
- No.

CORDELIA: We've been through a lot.
- That's all I was saying.

We've been through so much together,
you and me, as friends.

You've seen the good
and the not so good.

Just like you have in me.

And for the record, the good I've seen
far outweighs the bad.

- Thanks. You too.
- Hey, what are friends for?

You ask me, they're for knocking you
up and leaving you high and dry.

Hello, lover. Long time no see.

- Darla.
- Darla?

- Darla?
FRED: Who's Darla?

- Angel's old flame.
- Not the one who died?

No, the one that came back to life.
She's a vampire.

- Do you have a chart?
- In the files. I'll get it later.

- When did this happen?
- You know exactly when it happened.

- Angel, did you and Darla...?
- Uh...

ANGEL: This is impossible.
- Tell me about it, Daddy.

CORDELIA: You slept with her?
- Vampires can't have children. Wesley?

- No, he's right. It's not possible.
- That's not what I asked.

You know we can't.
I know we can't, but we did.

I wonder if this is that bad thing.

What did you do to me?

CORDELIA: Stop that.
- It's okay. It's all right, Cordy.

You'll hurt her.
Haven't you done enough?

Here, sit down.
You should get off your feet.

- Can we get her some water?
- That's Darla, you don't want to...

Did you or did you not?

Look me in the eye and say
you'd never do a thing like this.

He lied? What a surprise.

Hi, I'm Fred. Is water okay,
or did you want some blood?

Cordy, I'm sorry I lied. It was just...
It was a very dark time.

You used her to make you feel better
during your dark time?

Well, that makes it all heroic.

It wasn't like that. It just happened.

- I wasn't like I went evil, I just...
- You just went male.

Have you been to a doctor?

No, but I've been to every shaman
and seer in the Western Hemisphere.

WESLEY: What did they say?
- They don't know what it is.

- It's never happened.
- Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy.

- Wanna to feel it kick?
- Does it kick a lot?

- Like crazy.
- Wouldn't that be the first sign of...

...hysteria?

What can we do for you?

You can get your little gang
of supernatural detectives...

...to find out what's happening to me
and how to stop it.

Are you gonna take some
responsibility here?

- Angel?
- Oh, me?

Of course I am.

- Wes, let's get on this.
- What do you suggest?

Use your books and find out
what's going on.

Do I have to think of everything?

Here it is.

It says, "I have absolutely
no idea what's going on."

We should talk to the Host.

This is all wrong.

FURIES: Violence restrained
This place a sanctuary was

- And shall be again
- That's great, girls.

Why are you charging me 1200
over the estimate?

ARNEY: I had to run a separate 212,
double insulation everywhere.

Plus, we had a run on vendrig lines.

And you said, "This club's my baby.
I want top-drawer throughout."

ANGEL:
Lorne, you here?

You gotta help me. We got kind
of a situation on our hands.

FURIES: Mmm... Angel.
- Three more of Angel's chippies.

- You girls are on the pill, I hope.
FURIES: Mmm...

- Why are they here?
- They're recasting sanctuary spells...

...to prevent violence.
I'm covering demons and humans.

I'm opening the club again.
I was pretty blue for a long time.

If it had gone on much longer,
I would have turned aquamarine.

- Now, what happened here?
- What's it look like?

- Angel boned her.
ANGEL: Just once. Just the one night.

Just the two or three times
that one night.

- Is Angel gonna sing?
- Oh.

- I suppose he has to.
- She's carrying the baby.

[SINGS "DANNY BOY"]

- What the hell's inside me?
- We're way beyond singing, mes enfants.

This is a brand-new day.
Everybody, that's a wrap.

We'll finish the spell tomorrow.
We got a crisis brewing.

Thanks for coming.
Check's in the mail. Get the hell out.

FURY 1: Bye, Angel.
FURY 2: Come see...

FURY 3:
Us soon.

FURIES:
Mmm...

- Men.
- This is way beyond my Ken.

And my Barbie and all my action
figures. If it's alive...

It's alive. And kicking.

It could be anything.
A child born to vampires?

- Maybe it's some kind of uber-vamp.
- The prophecies mention a Tro-Clon.

- It's supposed to be here about now.
- Born of darkness to bring darkness.

Great, so we're saying that my child
is the scourge of mankind?

[DARLA GROANS]

You guys are upsetting her.

- I think she needs to lie down.
- She can have my bedroom.

CORDELIA:
Okay.

We can handle it.

- I think we should call a doctor.
- It'll pass. I just have to let it.

I'll stay with her.

HOST: If you need anything, just holler.
CORDELIA: Okay.

I don't accept this. These prophecies
can be interpreted a hundred ways.

- Are your calculations right?
- I'm still working on them.

- What we do know is Darla's pregnant.
- It's impossible.

And mystically unfair.
You fought long and hard for good.

For you to spawn something evil...

Nothing spawned by Darla and me
can be good.

The prophecy about Angel being pivotal
in the battle of good and evil.

- That shanshu one?
- Maybe it's not you.

Maybe your child is pivotal.

Maybe your destiny is to help
bring it to the world.

Or to stop it.

Can I say something about destiny?

Screw destiny. If this evil thing
comes, we'll fight it and whup it.

Destiny just means inevitable.
And nothing's inevitable...

...if you stand up, look it in the eye
and say, "You're evitable."

- Well, you catch my drift.
- I like her so much.

I want to see these prophecies
and anything else we've got.

Why don't I go get everything?

Good idea. We'll figure out
how to fight this thing.

- How's she doing?
HOST: She's weary.

Poor thing looks about 18 months
pregnant. Hope they're not twins.

- Not her, Cordelia.
- I sense she's hurt and pissed.

What, with the lying and deception.

You should probably stay
out of her way.

- How are you feeling?
- Just crazy.

What?

Why would anyone bring something
into this world?

I was pregnant once.
I was out to here overnight.

Mystical thing.

I didn't go to term, but while
it lasted, talk about uncomfortable.

Your back and legs hurt. You're sick
to your stomach and can't eat.

And then you're ravenous.

Are you able to eat, or do you just...?

What? Drink?

Well, that's really none
of my business, is it?

You should rest and I should...

I'll just be real close by.

If there's anything you need...

I'm hungry all the time. It's weird.

Sure. You're eating for two now.
It's only natural.

No. What's weird is,
no matter how much I feed...

...I can't seem to get full.

Pregnant or not,
you're going to keep your distance.

[SCREAMS]

ANGEL:
Get away from her!

You're gonna be all right.

You're gonna be all right. Here.

I'll kill her for this.

You're gonna have to find her first.

ANGEL: She bit Cordy.
- Are you all right?

Where is she?

- We hit her fists with our faces but...
- We'll get Cordy to a safe place.

- Are you feeling any better?
- Yeah. You don't have to stay with me.

Gunn's gonna be right here.

Thanks.

I'm not gonna keep telling you
how sorry I am.

I'm going to tell you
she'll never do it again.

It was my fault, Angel.
I felt sorry for her.

She looked so helpless, like a mother.

I forgot what she really was.

I'm starting to feel the pills.

- You see Darla anywhere in range...
- I'll take care of it.

Wait.

When she bit me, I had a vision.

- What'd you see?
- It was like no vision I've ever had.

She's so hungry. She doesn't know
how to make the hunger stop.

I think I know where she's headed.

I know you won't listen,
but don't do this alone.

- I have to do this alone.
- A normal vampire is strong.

Darla took us all down
without breaking stride.

She's stronger because
of what's in her.

I know. I put it there.

Why does he have to do
everything alone?

He just can't bear
to have us see him do it.

Kill Darla? She did try to kill Cordy,
and she's a vampire.

Who's carrying his child.
The one thing he can never have...

...even if he lives forever.

[CHILDREN MUMBLING]

JOHNNY:
Mommy?

Mommy?

- Mommy?
DARLA: What's wrong, honey?

Lost your mommy?

Let's go find her together.

MOM:
You're a brave woman.

About to have one.

Taking the other one out to play.

I love children.
I could just eat them up.

It's all right. It's just a dream.
She can't hurt you.

I have to talk to Wes.

It was a dream,
but it was like a vision.

WESLEY: About what?
- About what's inside Darla.

This Tro-Clon thing, the prophecies
say that it will be born...

...or it will arise?

The Middle English, arezan, and the
Gothic, urazan, both mean "to appear."

Angel's not answering.
Should I leave a message?

Just try his pager.

There's a reference
to it being burren...

...which is Middle English
for "to be born."

[BEEPER BEEPS]

Well, we found Angel's beeper.

What is it?
What is the vision trying to tell you?

I think they're trying to tell me
why Darla is craving younger victims.

I don't think my mom is back here.

Are you sure? Did you look?

I don't see anybody.

[SCREAMS]

There you are. Where have you been?

I told you not to wander off.

You so wanna play the good guy.

Yeah, you're the good guy,
who did this to me.

You have the face,
but you don't know the hunger.

It pounds. It won't go away.

- You can't stop it!
- I'll stop it!

How could you put this in me?
I hate you!

They breathe. They breathe and pound.

I don't breathe, you idiot!
You can't strangle me!

I'm not gonna strangle you.

Go on, do it.

Do it.

[HEART BEATS]

- Do it, do it! It won't stop!
ANGEL: No, it won't.

- Darla, listen, it has a soul.
DARLA: What?

- It has a heartbeat, it has a soul.
- Not my child!

Our child. That's why you've
been craving pure blood.

That's why! It has a soul.

DARLA: No, it doesn't.
- It does.

DARLA: It can't.
- Yes, it does.

ANGEL:
Drink this.

- Pig's blood?
- You'll get used to...

You're not alone in this.
We'll deal with this together.

Gosh, I'm the luckiest vampire girl
in the whole world.

- Get away from me.
- Try and get some sleep.

How's Cordy?
She wanna come up and visit?

- lf she goes near Cordy or Fred...
- I know.

Don't underestimate her. She's
stronger than all of us right now.

Don't go near Darla without me,
Gunn and a lot of crossbows.

- You understand?
- Yeah. And if I forget...

...I have a nice reminder.
- That goes for you too, Fred.

Got you.

I guess you're gonna be a father.

- Guess I am.
- I felt it in my dream.

The same thing you did
when you found her.

- It has a soul.
- Angel has a soul. It makes sense.

As much as any of this does.

Angel, even with a soul...

...she could give birth
to what's in the prophecies.

The thing that's come
to kill and burn us all?

I know that.
I also know that child is mine.

- Right.
CORDELIA: Well.

Another big fun day
at Angel Investigations.

- Let's pour ourselves a good, stiff...
- Uh-oh.

A good, stiff uh-oh?

Remember when I said I thought I might
be off on my earlier calculations?

And Wes said the Tro-Clon
would "arise" or "be born" or both.

And arepare is Latin for "arrive"
or "come to," as from a deep sleep.

GROUP: Fred!
FRED: Right.

I believe that whatever this thing is,
it's arriving about...

...three, two, now.

The weight of time is heavy on the
world, and all men born must die.

But there are worlds where dreamers
dream and sleepers sleep...

...and patiently await.

As pledged in Kaladan by Kadshi...

...one shall awaken in the first year
of the final century.

That one who lived before
and joined Kadshi in the great sleep.

Arise, as was promised and foretold.
Arise.

Arise!

Welcome to the 21 st century.

Angelus is here. You'll see him soon.

You haven't used your muscles
in a long time.

It will be a while before you're
strong enough to...

Just tell me where he is.

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