Angel (1999–2004): Season 3, Episode 4 - Carpe Noctem - full transcript

Previously:

Handsome man saved me
from the monsters.

Anybody talk to Fred?

She's been back three months
and hasn't gone out.

I'm working on something aimed
at Angel Investigations.

What are you doing?
Building code violations.

- I'm fighting Angel in my own way.
- I bet he's terrified.

- It's just business.
- Don't come at me through Cordelia.

Hey, Fred.

- Sorry. Did I startle you guys?
- No.

Only in the sense of shocking
and jolting us. What's up?



Nothing, just taking a little stroll.
Why do girls want to look like that?

I was in a cave starving.
What's their excuse?

Fashion.

So everybody's just reading
and hanging out?

- Angel's upstairs.
- Oh.

He's probably reading too.
He's so deep, you know? Thoughtful.

I'm guessing The Brothers Karamazov,
Joyce, a little Goethe to round it out.

- Anyone else read this?
- Read what?

Charlton Heston double feature.
At the Nuart?

- Soylent Green and The Omega Man,
- Wow.

It's two for one.
Did I mention Charlton Heston?

- Who's in?
- That sounds great.

Fred. Wesley?

I'm translating Fassad's Guide
from Sumerian.



Gunn? Cordy?

Looks like it's just you and me, Fred.

Well, the worm certainly has turned.

Yeah, the worm's turning and....
Am I the worm?

Friends and coworkers have accused me
of being the stay-at-home, sulky one.

Some people just don't know
how to have fun anymore.

- Can we take a breather, stud?
- If you need one.

Hey, tiger. Me too, just for a minute.

Pace yourself, sweetheart.

It's good to be young.
So, ready for round four?

You okay, baby?

It's been fun.

He opened every door for me.

He bought popcorn, and every
few minutes he'd go like this:

To let me know
it was okay to have some.

And he's lonely because
he's the last man on Earth.

- Angel?
- Charlton Heston, The Omega Man,

Omega being the last letter
of the Greek alphabet.

He walks on the street side.
It's old-fashioned, but chivalrous.

- We're talking about Angel?
- Right.

Though he didn't talk a lot,
it was still okay.

It wasn't that awkward quiet.
You know that awkward quiet?

No, that's never happened to me.

You need to talk to Fred.

- What about?
- About the big date you had last night.

- Date? It was a movie.
- That's what you need to tell her.

She's in there going on and on
about what a super time you guys had.

She's just enthusiastic.
Don't read too much into it.

She's got the big puppy love.
I mean, who wouldn't?

You're handsome
and brave and heroic...

...emotionally stunted, erratic,
prone to evil and a eunuch.

How can you--? I'm not a eunuch.

- It's a figure of speech.
- Find a better one.

I just mean sex is
a no-no because of this...

... "if you know perfect bliss,
you'll turn evil" curse.

Really no cure for that, huh?

All I'm telling you is
this thing with Fred will go bad...

- ...unless it's nipped in the bud.
- Okay.

- Maybe just a short talk.
- Okay.

- So how soon can you do that?
- Nice try. It's gotta come from you.

Angel has something to say.

Did anybody else see this?

"Police found the body of Woodrow
Raglan in an Elondria Hotel suite.

A witness said it was
as if his insides had--"

Collapsed. There was something
else like that last week.

No one is hiring us to look into this.
Let's do more important things.

Ten days ago, a body found in another
hotel room under similar conditions.

What do you think?
Spell? Curse? Serial demon?

Tough to say. Worth a closer look.

Cordelia, open up a case file.
We have to get on this right away.

Angel.

- Good morning, Lilah.
- Good morning.

Here we are at my office. Bye.

You're a tough one. I know
I'm gonna have to earn your respect.

But give me time.
You'll see I'm a creative guy.

Like tormenting Angel
with building code violations?

So Machiavellian.
We'll drown him in red tape.

There are other levels to this.
Avenues of interest I have.

One of them being:
Does Angel even exist?

- Are you getting metaphysical?
- No.

He has no Social Security number,
taxpayer I.D. or last name.

How can he go to the Building
Department or anywhere else official?

He's the rat, we're the maze.
Don't you wanna see what he'll do?

- He might just rip out your throat.
- You think he'd be that clich?d?

Maybe you don't know him
as well as you think.

Get Carter Williams on the phone.
The graphic artist.

Look under F for forger.

There was a third victim
five weeks ago.

They were all young, healthy males
who died in expensive hotel suites.

Imagine spending money for a suite,
then you're a big bag of mush bones?

I guess it wouldn't be good wherever
that happened. Please continue.

Gunn, interview staff at the hotels
where they died.

I'm meeting a contact from
the coroner's office in 30 minutes.

They were members of
the same health club. The bodies.

When they weren't dead.

- We'll go to the gym.
- My thought exactly.

- I'll drive.
- What are we waiting for?

Everybody know what they're doing?
Good.

I'll just stay here.
Okay, I'll do that.

You can't just keep ignoring Fred.

There's your business
and your social life.

Everybody knows that you keep
those two things sep--

I'm gonna go see if he knows anything.

Hi, I have a few questions.
My name's Angel.

Angel. Good news, dude.
We're running our best offer ever.

I can get you a six-month
trial membership for $350.

No, I'm looking into some guys
that were members here.

Woody, right.
Yeah, I heard he, like, died.

He, like, did.
Along with the others. All members.

I need to ask you, Phil,
does the club condone steroid use?

- No. Absolutely not.
- Then let's keep this between us.

I'll look at their records
and get out of your hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

So did you ever see anyone come in
who looked suspicious?

Or really pale?
Or maybe green and scaly?

Nothing connects the three,
except they were in Pilates together.

Pilates? Is that like TaeBo?

Yeah, if you're living in 1999.

Relax the neck and shoulders.

Using your lower abdominals,
bring the spine down to the floor.

Take a deep breath in as your arms come
up to the ceiling, making a window.

Good. Now shoulders down and exhale...

...as you float your head
and chest up through your arms.

There could be follow-up questions.
I'll need numbers. How about you?

I'm gonna check the retirement home
on the street behind us.

Bye.

Maybe when you're done with
your work here, you can pick me up.

He's just someone I work with.
Anyway....

Mr. Roscoe.

My name's Angel.

"Angel Investigations. "

- May I ask you a few questions?
- Well, it's pretty late.

Shouldn't take long.

Come on, if you're coming.

Nice to have a view. Bet you
spend a lot of time enjoying it.

Not that much.

Well, I don't see any harm in looking.
It's about all I can do anymore.

- What is it you want?
- Your help.

Wondering if you'd seen these men
across the way in the gym.

No, don't think so. I'm more of a
girl-watcher, know what I'm saying?

Jeez.

They all died? How?

- That's what we're trying to find out.
- You work with police?

I'm a private investigator.
I work with a team.

Sounds nice. I was a salesman.
Worked alone for 50 years.

Nothian herb jar.

That's a pretty exotic item.

Did you deal in the occult?

Occult, shmoccult. I traveled a lot,
picked up some trinkets.

Do a lot of bungee-jumping,
Mr. Roscoe?

- More than you might think, Mr. Angel.
- Just Angel.

I'll remember that.

You might wanna think twice
about casting a--

You are me.

That's gonna smart later.

Hello?

Hello.

So, what did you find
at the old folks' home?

Nothing. Didn't pan out.
How about you?

Got a two-month free trial membership
and made some new friends.

All right, I got nothing.

Pretty clear we're barking up
the wrong tree, huh?

Yeah.

Well, get in.
I'll take you back to the hotel.

All right!

You and me, going back
to the hotel. Nice.

- Are you all right?
- Honey, I've never been better.

Nice.

You supposed to be back there?

Ding, ding.
Paying customers. Hello?

- Slow night.
- Yeah.

Maybe Wes or Gunn found something.

Wes or Gunn?

They're a great part
of our investigating team...

...working here with us
in this old, abandoned hotel.

"Cordelia. "

Have I ever told you
you're a very beautiful woman?

Very funny. I know you never said
anything that tacky or overt to Fred.

But you're still gonna have that talk,
whether you want to or not.

- A talk with Fred?
- Yes.

Just keep it simple.
One, you're not like other men.

Two, there's no room
at work for romance.

Romance with Fred?
So I'm a...?

Obviously.

Get some rest.
See you tomorrow.

You've reached Angel
Investigations, leave a message,

Cordelia, are you there? Pick up,

Angel, how's my head?

Hope you put ice on it.
Sweet deal you got here.

Love the hotel. And Cordelia....

- That's how I spell W-O-M-A-N.
- Where is she?

You just worry about eating nice, soft
food and staying out of Ryan's way.

Ryan?

We just talked about this.

There go your phone privileges
for the month.

- You're not to be out of your room.
- I'm stretching my legs.

Who am I?

You're Ryan.

At least you're not having an episode.

Marcus, you think you're a 24-year-old
stud or a famous skateboarder...

...keep it to yourself unless you
wanna wake up in restraints again.

- Copy?
- I know who I am.

Then let's get you back to beddy-bye.

Angel. What happened?

Hey, doll. I was working on the case.
I must've dozed off.

- Too tired to go up to your room?
- My room? Right, which is upstairs.

You know me. I was giving 100%.
What did I do with that case file?

- You gave it to me yesterday.
- Must be getting old.

Not until you have
that talk with Fred.

There's something about brewed tea
you cannot replicate with a bag.

- What happened?
- I was looking for something.

- I'll clean it up.
- Don't avoid the talk.

I know. I know. I know.

- Hey, how you doing?
- All right.

Well.... You?

So we gotta talk.

I got nothing against you personally.
It's just....

This will be harder than I thought.
I don't know how to spit this out.

Angel.

- Whatever it is, I'm here for you.
- Yeah, that may be the problem.

I mean, whatever we had,
whatever we...

...did.

I just think that we should
keep that behind us.

Start from scratch. You know,
two men working side by side...

...but, you know,
none of that funny stuff.

Shake on that?

I guess.

- All right, give me a hug.
- Wesley, food's here.

Okay.

- Wesley?
- Yes?

- Do you know where Fred is?
- Up in her room.

Her room. Right.

Somebody say something about food?
I could eat a horse.

Breakfast burritos all around.

- Thanks, bro. Keep the change on that.
- Okay.

- Get anything from the hotel?
- Yeah, I did.

These guys ran up huge bills,
mostly alcohol.

At least they went out partying.
I got their phone bills.

Isn't that illegal? I mean, don't
these guys deserve a little privacy?

- What?
- Why are you eating?

- I'm hungry.
- They called the same number.

I checked it out.
First Class Escorts, La Brea and 6th.

Escorts? You mean hookers?

I should interview them
while the trail is hot.

I'll take this.
You interview the hotel staff.

- I figured it out.
- I'll interview the hookers.

- Are there any men who aren't dogs?
- Not very many.

A woman is more than a piece of meat.
I'm sorry, that's just how I feel.

My contact at the coroner.
I can see one of the bodies.

Gunn can go with you.

That wasn't the kind of body
I had in mind to see.

We're going, we're going.

You know, that's a great idea.
I'll just stay here...

...hold the fort,
keep an eye on the evidence.

- Okay, Mom.
- Let me get that.

- Thank you.
- There you go.

- Great.
- I'll take it.

Great, thank you.

- Yeah. over there. Let's go.
- Okay.

- I got someone I want you to meet.
- I can't right now.

This is my baby granddaughter,
Katrina.

Girl's gonna rule the world.
Isn't she something?

She's beautiful.

What you doing?

Well. Hey, sweetheart.
Where you been hiding?

You know, up in my room.

Everybody says, "Fred,
you should get out more," so....

Fred.

Have I ever told you
you're a very beautiful woman?

Um, no.

Do you like olives?

I got work to finish up here.

Go up and put on something pretty,
and we'll go out on the town.

- Really?
- And that's just for starters.

Okay. I'll be--
I'll just go and-- Okay!

What can I do for you?

Don't go all night-stalker on me.
I'm here to do you a favor.

We both agreed that business with
Cordelia was just business, right?

Sure.

It's all there:
earthquake-safe certification...

...statement of asbestos-level
compliance, all of it.

I'm not playing you here.

It's not about you. It's about Gavin.
Thinks he's so smart.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry. Thanks.
That was a really thoughtful favor.

How about a drink?

Have I ever told you
you're a very beautiful woman?

What's going on?

Clear the floor!

My heart.

- Want another?
- I'll have to call a taxi as it is.

Oops.

- What do you want?
- You.

Don't tell me
you never thought about it.

Son of a bitch!

Sorry, it felt like the thing to do.

- Are you born-again?
- I don't know what game this is.

But I hope you enjoyed it. You'll
never get this close to me again.

What? This is new.

What are--?

Ah.

What the--?

You're awake.

- It's beating.
- It was your fourth heart attack.

You can't survive another one.
You got lucky.

Try something like that again,
you may not be.

Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic
movie about being an escort...

...I think it should be called
Pretty Skanky Woman,

Angel?

Fred?

What's wrong? What happened?

I should've knocked.

I always forget to knock because, you
know, I didn't have a door for so long.

He called me sweetheart.
But it's just an expression, isn't it?

When a waitress calls you honey,
it doesn't mean you're special.

It's just a word, right?

Sweetheart.

Is this about Angel?

He talked to you, didn't he?

This is all my fault.
I told him to do that.

You told him to make out
with that woman on the desk?

What? No.

What woman?

My boyfriend's probably looking for me.
He could catch us at any moment.

Sort of makes it
more exciting, doesn't it?

Yeah. It does.

Hey!

- What the hell you think you're doing?
- He bit me!

Freak!

Nice!

- Bring it on. That all you got?
- What are you on?

I'd say I'm high on life. Only, I ain't
alive, which means I'll never die.

I'll be young, handsome
and strong forever.

There's just one thing
I gotta do first.

I don't believe it. On my desk?

Well, it did used to be his.
He was just kind of reclaiming it.

How? By marking it?

- This isn't like him.
- This is totally like him.

- Doing the dance with a cheap blond.
- Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.

- You're right. This isn't like him.
- So who was she?

It doesn't matter who she was.
The question is, who is he?

We're all thinking it.

- He's Angelus again.
- Who's Angelus?

The badass vamp Angel turns into.

But then why isn't there a body here?

That's not what I meant. Why would
Angel need to read about vampires?

- He wouldn't.
- What are you saying?

In our case, each victim exhibited
uncharacteristic behavior before death.

They weren't themselves.

Angel's infected
by whatever got into them?

Not whatever, whomever. At the gym,
anything unusual happen to Angel?

Not really. I was with him
pretty much the whole time.

Except when he went to the--

Hey.

What are you doing out of bed?
Are you trying to bust loose again?

Damn, Marcus. You don't quit, do you?
You wanna have another heart attack?

Look, I can't really explain this,
but I need to get out of here.

Just don't turn me in.

Not gonna have to.
Your kid's signing in at reception.

- My kid?
- Uh-huh.

- Have a good night.
- Good night.

Hi, Dad.

You finally found a body
that won't burn out, huh?

Looks like.

Only one way you can
keep it though, right?

- You've gotta kill yourself.
- I can live with that.

You sure? I don't think you know
what you're getting into.

I know. You don't seem
to know what you had.

You were the worst vampire.

Vampires don't help people, moron,
they kill them.

- Here, let me show you.
- You may have the attitude and power.

But there's one thing you don't have
and never will: friends.

Four of them behind you
with heavy things.

He's the one that's
been casting that spell.

You're Angel? With that cologne?
I don't think so.

Don't stake him.

God, I love technology.

Are you all right?

I gotta pee.

Did you see an Algurian conjuring orb?
Could've been glowing.

In his room. On a shrine.

I was right. Algurian body-switching
spell. Keep an eye on him.

Fred! He's out. He's out.

Read this.

It's cool, Gunn. It's me.

- I got his conjuring stone.
- You can't take that!

- You don't deserve that body!
- I was gonna say the same to you.

I'll tell you why you have a weak
heart, Marcus. You never use it.

You're pathetic. You're all path--!

You should try to keep a lid
on that rage. It's not healthy.

- What's going on?
- Dad's having a bad night.

- Hi.
- Hi. Hey.

How's your head?
Sorry about all that.

I gather I had it coming.

Yes.

I've been meaning to talk
to you about something.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Is this about how
you're not like other men...

...what, with that curse and all?

And how you're really fond of me,
but that's as far as it goes?

Uh.... Yeah.

Cordelia explained it to me.

She said you'd probably
just screw it up.

She did, did she?

Well, she's probably right.

What?

It's like something out of Fitzgerald.

The man who can have everything
but love.

Well, maybe in some ways,
you're better off, because love is....

Well, in a way, it's everything.

But it's also heartache
and disappointment.

And those are good things to avoid.

Angel, Willow's on the phone.
She's alive. Buffy's alive!

Buffy?