Angel (1999–2004): Season 3, Episode 14 - Couplet - full transcript

Previously:

Angel's son is part of
the prophecy and sought by many.

- Adorable.
- Sweet.

- The baby.
- I meant the hot mama.

She's an extraordinary young woman.

- We got a term in Pylea: kyrumption.
- I know.

Everyone is very anxious
for Her Majesty...

- ...to com-shuk with the Groosalugg.
- Sounds dirty.

It's not terrible, it's wonderful.

- Your visions will pass to me.
- I can't give them up.

- Cordelia.
- What about her?



Let her know what's inside.
Don't miss that shot.

You've become a truly
extraordinary woman.

- I think that we--
- Groo?

Yes, we grew closer....

- Groo!
- Princess!

- Oh, God!
- He just showed up.

I thought she was meant
to be with Angel.

I'm gonna check on Connor.

- He's sleeping.
You can't predict those things.

- It's strange.
- Hmm....

I remember him being taller.

A trick of the light.

They don't actually get smaller
till they're very, very old.

- I didn't mean the baby.
- I know.



- I meant the Groosalugg.
- I know you did.

He seem-- I don't know, short?

Oh, absolutely.

Clearly, the guy shrank.
All over, probably.

He's nothing but a muscly midget.

Once Cordelia gets him home,
she'll just pop him in a small drawer.

She took him home?

Good. We won't have to put him up.
Place was turning into a hotel.

- You don't have a problem with that?
- Of course not. Why?

Because I don't remember you wearing
perfume when you left this evening.

- There may have been some magic.
- You see?

Actual magic, Lorne.
Whatever happened was a spell.

There's nothing between
Cordelia and me.

Sure there is. It's got arms like
steel cables and ironic timing.

No, it's good the Groosalugg
showed up.

Cordelia deserves a champion.
Now she's got one.

- What about you?
- I'm fine.

I've been solo
most of my 240 years.

When I wasn't, it never went well.
I like being alone.

Fine, Miss Garbo.
Have it your way. Be alone.

- So you got deposed, huh?
- Yes.

- That sucks.
- The people turned against me.

- They'll do that.
- Endless committees formed.

They splintered into factions.
The factions into coalitions.

Coalitions into subcommittees.

Until the radical elements,
spurred by a charismatic leader...

...did the dance of revolution.

- And here you are.
- Yes.

So, you don't miss it?

You know. The power, castle...

...concubines...

...and the royal chippies.

There was never anyone else.

- Oh.
- I welcomed the overthrow.

The tedium of government was hard
to bear after battlefield life.

But your heart wasn't in it.

No. That left when you did.

Princess?

Something wrong?

Hey.

- Morning.
- You the only one here?

So far.

- How's young Connor today?
- He's good.

Cordelia's usually in by now,
isn't she?

I imagine she and Groosalugg
were up late catching up.

Right.

They.

I was hoping we could talk
before the others got here.

Sure. What is it?

Well...

...it's the fact of him.

His sudden arrival was something
we all needed to digest.

- There are questions.
- You're suspicious.

- Cautious might be a better word.
- You think he's evil.

- Evil?
- Okay, maybe not evil.

But he's definitely hiding something.
He seem shorter to you?

We are talking about Connor,
aren't we?

- What about Connor?
- He shouldn't exist.

His birth was foretold.
How many can say that?

He has a role to play, that's true.
We still don't know what that role is.

We can't be afraid to ask the
questions. His enemies won't be.

You're right. We should be prepared.

I'm glad you agree.

Without the Nyazian prophecies,
we must look elsewhere for answers.

We know where they went.
It's time to assault Wolfram and Hart.

That might not be necessary yet.
There are other sources.

Ancient works accumulate
scholarship, commentary.

- You think somebody has done the work.
- That's my hope.

I've been looking into it.
I felt you should know.

- I want to be involved. Completely.
- Involved with who?

You're here...

...and so is he.

Angel, your weapons
are most impressive.

Thanks. Thank you.

Can you ask him
not to handle my weapons?

Relax. If there's one thing Groo
knows, it's how to handle a weapon.

Poor guy. Looks like
that's about all he'll be handling.

You mean, you two didn't...?

I got him home last night,
and we started-- You know.

But then, I couldn't go
through with it.

- You couldn't?
- No.

Not after seeing
that disgusting spiny thing.

- Spiny?
- Right up in my face.

That's what the visions are like.

No pain, less artsy, sometimes floaty,
and often stinky.

- You had a vision?
- Yeah. Big as life.

Last night, while we were getting
reacquainted. Kind of a mood killer.

- You should have called one of us.
- Oh, please.

Like I'd bother you because
I want sex and can't have it.

I meant the vision.

Oh, that. Well, it's not rising up
till sometime later today.

- Oh. Why can't you have sex?
- I could lose my vision-ity.

- If you want to play it that way.
- Vision-ity. The visions.

When that one hit me last night,
it hit me. In Pylea...

...the visions were to pass
to Groo if we did the com-shuk.

- How do I know that won't happen here?
- You don't.

Your transformation
could have changed that.

Still, you know,
better safe than sorry.

- You're doing the right thing.
- I know. I know.

I can't risk it.
It's just, I'm so....

And he's such a....

Don't you think?

- Yeah, sure.
- Certainly.

There's gotta be things we can do...

- ...to relieve the tension.
- Jogging.

- Perhaps a paranormal prophylactic.
- Because jogging--

I guess we could probably com
without actually shuking.

That could be a slippery slope that
once you're on, that you could slide.

At least I won't upset
the average here.

Nobody in this office
is ever gonna get any.

It's funny.

- The way I chew?
- No.

Until that kiss, I thought you
and Wesley had a thing.

- Wesley?
- Yeah.

No, we're just good friends.

- You want another order of those?
- Yes, please.

Oh, no. Wait. No, I'm not hungry.

You sure? I love watching you eat.

Wow.

We should probably go.
People might start to talk.

- Why would they?
- Well, you know, us.

"Us" has been doing breakfast for
weeks now. Everyone knows.

But now that we've kissed, things are
different. I mean, they are, right?

Oh, yeah.

So you don't think they can tell?

From here?

I'm sorry.
I'm being ridiculous, I know.

I don't have much experience with
this. I spent five years in a cave.

- I know what that's like.
- How could you?

Because now, everything's so bright,
my eyes hurt.

Here you go.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

- How will we work this?
- Like always. We'll split it.

But you hardly ordered anything.
I'd be getting so much more value.

I think I'm making out okay.

- Wesley.
- Wesley.

We've identified the demon from
Cordelia's vision as a Senih'D.

It'll rise in the mid-city area...

...sometime before nightfall.

The Senih'D manifests
physically for one purpose.

- Seen it.
- To feed.

Upon rising, it'll search for a victim.
We've got to keep it from finding one.

Angel will take the sewer.
The rest will go to Sorenson Park.

We'll enter the underground,
double back.

- By the time we meet up--
- I know this creature.

It's like the Bleaucha, nested in
the Scum Pits of Ur.

- I have slain many.
- Really?

Tracking it will be simple.
Killing it, more difficult.

Well, yeah.

All right, then. Groo, you go
with Angel. Let's move out.

I don't think that's
such a great idea.

Me and him. I'm more of a loner,
really. Plus, he's so, like, bulky.

He could slow me down.

He's an experienced warrior.
He should be a great asset.

Here's a nice one.

- That's my favorite broadsword!
- It's fine.

Sure you'll be warm enough?
The sewers are damp.

- I shall be fine.
- Here.

Okay.

Let's go.

I'll present this beast's head
to my princess.

Right. She'd love that.

- You sense anything?
- A deep sadness.

My princess. She is unhappy.
I fear I am the cause.

No, she's not unhappy
you're here, Groo.

She's thrilled.

Then what keeps her from me?

There is a distance,
as if her heart is not free.

I think maybe she's afraid
to get too close.

She's scared if she does,
she'll lose something.

I would give my soul to--

It is wounded. It bleeds.

It's better than bread crumbs.
Let's go.

Come.

You're safe.

Well done.

I must say, excellent.

Well done, I must say.

You think you know someone.

You think your place is secure
and there's a future there.

And then something happens.

No, strike that.
Someone happens.

They insinuate themselves,
pushing you out, taking your place.

What makes you think this other
woman's a witch, Ms. Frakes?

Why else would Jerry cheat on me?
We've been engaged eight years.

She had to have put
some kind of a spell on him.

I'm looking for it in the original
Greek, if possible. Certainly.

You do? Excellent.
Could I get a quote on that?

Give me her name. Someone will check.

See if we can find out
if she's a witch.

Hot blond 3-7-1-5-9.

I got these off e-mails I took
from Jerry's computer.

It's gonna--

It's gonna be pretty difficult
to find her based on this.

Just follow Jerry.
He'll lead you right to her.

Ms. Frakes here wants us...

...to stake out her fianc?.

I was trying to explain--

We can spare someone to watch
Ms. Frakes' fianc?. Gunn?

If witchcraft is involved,
we should look into it.

- What's up?
- Gunn.

Ms. Frakes needs surveillance.

- If you're free.
- Sure.

She'll fill you in.

- I'll leave it in your hands.
- Sure thing.

We won't let you down.

Maybe they should just do it.
Get it over with.

I'm sorry?

Cordy and Groo.
She's being noble for the team.

She should just com-shuk.
That's what she wants.

- May I help you?
- Yes.

Here for Grammaticus'
Third Century Greek Commentaries,

- The GTCGC, I'll be just one moment.
- Thank you.

I mean, why not, you know?
Life's short.

Okay, not mine, but most people.

If Groo does it for her, she should go
for it. Make him and her happy.

Everybody happy.

Still...

...office romance complicates things.

What if they have a row,
or break up?

All of us fight with each other.

It's not like anybody else is having a
romance. It won't change things much.

Well...

...she said it.
Could risk the visions.

Yeah, okay. So the visions pass to
Groo. He gets them instead of her.

So what?

Are you suggesting Groosalugg
could replace Cordelia?

Maybe not Cordelia.

I see. You think he could replace you.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Seems to me, here's a guy
who can do everything I can...

- ...and a few things I can't.
- That's not true.

You saw it this afternoon.
If Groo hadn't been there--

Then the rest of us would have.

Angel...

...you're the reason
we've come together.

It's your mission which animates us.

We each contribute, it's true.
But you....

You're unique.

You're like a rare volume.
One of a kind.

I got three of them.

- Are you sure?
- I am sure.

Good. Don't worry. I practiced plenty
on my cousin Timmy when we were kids.

It's not like your strength
is in your hair or anything, right?

No, I believe it is in my muscles.

Okay. So we'll lose
the Battlefield Earth hair.

Get you out of those animal skins,
and it'll be a new you.

And will this new me be one
that you can allow yourself to love?

What?

Will the new me please you in ways
the old me could not?

It's a haircut.
It won't make me like you better.

Oh. I understand.

You didn't give up your throne and
come this far for a makeover, did you?

You came for something
I can't give you.

Me.

It's not that I don't want to. I do.
I've never met anyone like you, Groo.

You're so open and sweet...

...and there is a definite thing here.
It's just--

You are afraid that with me,
you will be less than what you were.

Looks like this is it.
Better get the camera.

Do you really think he's possessed
or under some spell?

It's hard to say.
There's all kinds of magic.

You got demon love spells,
mojo sex chants, voodoo booty rituals.

Voodoo booty rituals?

You're making that up.

Then there's the all-powerful
big, brown, soulful eyes kind of magic.

Kind of familiar with that one myself.

We should....

Right, because we're
all about the work.

Maybe it's not magical, but chemical
when two people are attracted.

Maybe the DNA knows, and when it
finds it, nothing gets in its way.

- It just takes it.
- It does?

- Charles.
- Yeah?

We're not the ones
having a rendezvous.

- We're not?
- No. He is.

But he's cheating on someone.
We got a right.

I know,
but we're supposed to be working.

You're right.

Damn.

I'll get started
translating this material.

Wesley,
thanks for what you said before.

You put things into
perspective for me.

Glad I could.

While I believe having another
warrior might be an asset...

...the truth is, you and the Groosalugg
are two different people.

- Hello.
- Who look exactly alike.

- He's wearing my clothes.
- Good fit.

Where's Cordelia?

- Good, you're back.
- He's wearing my clothes.

What? Yeah, I didn't think you'd mind.

You guys are about the same size.
He's a little taller.

Looks great, though, doesn't he?
Angel, I need your help.

What happened?

- You had a vision.
- What?

No. It's nothing like that.
This is personal.

- What is it?
- I wouldn't ask...

...except, there's no one else I can
trust with this. Only you can do it.

Tell me.

You've done so much for me already.

- This is one more thing for the list.
- There's no list. You know that.

- Just tell me what I can do.
- I need you to help me have sex.

With Groo.

I realized something today.

It's not the threat of losing the
visions keeping me from being close.

It's me.

The visions are just an excuse.
I mean, there's always some excuse.

Right.

I am tired of being lonely.

- Yeah.
- So we worked it out.

- You did?
- Yes. It was something Wesley said.

A paranormal prophylactic.
And it got me thinking.

I can't be the only woman who loses a
supernatural gift through intimacy.

- Stands to reason.
- So I researched.

And anyway, I'm right.
There's a protective potion.

I take it and, bang, I can.

- A potion?
- Yeah.

This woman, Anita, is in the business.
Makes love potions, elixirs, etc.

She says she's got just the thing
at this address.

You want me to get this for you?

I got cash from my ATM. Nearly
cleaned me out, but it's worth it.

- So you and Groo can--
- Com-shuk like bunnies. You bet.

- Why don't you send him?
- I am sending him.

He insists on it.

- But that's why I need you.
- Huh?

He doesn't know this world.
He can't go to a demon brothel.

- I'm not crazy.
- Brothel?

You'd be safe there.
No woman will tempt you, right?

Right.

Are we ready?

I think so.

We're most grateful for your help,
Angel.

You have been a true friend.

Yeah.

There's nothing.

A lot of nothing.
How are we gonna explain this?

- We were macking and lost him.
- We didn't lose him so much as--

Okay, we lost him.

But his car's still here,
so he's gotta be close, right?

- I'm sure there's an explanation.
- The camera.

Yeah, maybe he saw the camera.

- Whatever happened, we got it on tape.
- Right.

- There he is.
- Press play.

Well, that can't be good.

You have a great smile.

- So I love your outfits.
- I really wouldn't call them outfits.

- But you are together.
- Yes. Two champions here together.

Just getting the potion together.

- So I may com-shuk my princess.
- Just to reiterate, not the princess.

The room is enchanted.

Everything that happens in there,
every touch, emotion, desire...

...is extended for maximum pleasure.

I can check the schedule if you'd like
to bring someone special.

Just right in here.

Hello.

Fear not, friend!
We're here to save you.

Hey, get off!

Groo, I think he's happy there.

- As a slave?
- Don't judge me.

Come on. Sorry.

If you just give us the potion--

You brought cash?

Make sure you tell your princess
to drink it all at once.

I know why your earnest friend's here,
but why are you?

What's in it for you?

Angel, your coat is singing.

Hello.

What? Gunn?

I can barely hear you.

- Reception's not so great.
- Where are you?

- Under Plummer Park.
- Under it?

We tailed that woman's fianc?...

- Jerry.
- ...and we kind of lost him.

We found him, sort of.

Him and his date. Some
root-crazy, treelike demon-thing.

With what looks like a DSL connection.

He chats up the lonely online and
sucks them down for food.

- Maybe it gets its power that way.
- It has a joint jammed into him.

I think it's sucking
the life out of him.

Have you called Wesley?

We were hoping we wouldn't have to.

I don't understand.

- We didn't want to bother him.
- Bother him?

I'm not sure Wes could help us at
the moment. What we need....

Oh. Uh-huh.

Um.... It's for you.

I'm honored they
requested the Groosalugg--

I wouldn't say requested,
more like included.

- Here. Did you feel it?
- Something evil.

Easy. Slow down, champ.
We need to be very careful here.

You're right.

Will you keep this safe?

Fine. But we've just got to be,
you know, a little bit more...

...patient.

- Groo!
- Over here!

What are we gonna do now?

That's my shirt.

- Is it made out of wood?
- No, it's flesh.

Flesh I can deal with and kill.

Hacking it won't do any good.
It doesn't have any vital organs.

It uses people as batteries.

Draws power from them.

It's strengthening from Groo.

Really? Stronger?

- He can't be that great.
- He is the Groosalugg.

What do you think?

Honestly, is he really better
than other men?

- Magnificent.
- Really?

I'd say more like
magnificently stupid.

Because him with the beer
tap in his chest...

...and me just walking around.

I'm really getting tired
of the Groosa-worship.

Nothing personal.

Everyone makes such a big deal.

The Groosalugg's a champion, so rugged,
so emotional. See him in daylight!

But I'm smarter, stronger
and I pick out my own clothes.

Okay.

It's okay, no one's using my heart.

Kill you.

Sorry. Already dead.

- Vampire.
- Yeah. Did I mention that?

Cold.

It's cold in there.
But don't let that stop you.

- So cold.
- So dead!

How is he?

Pretty beat up, but still alive.
Thanks to you.

Yes, Ms. Frakes, we are too.

You're welcome.

Goodbye.

Ms. Frakes is very happy.
He saved her fianc?'s life.

- So he'll be okay?
- Yes.

- That's good.
- Yes.

Good work.
You should probably get cleaned up.

- Yeah, good idea.
- Charles, a word?

- Good night.
- Good night.

What is it?

When it became more than a tryst,
you should've told me.

It happened fast.
It grabbed the guy and he was gone.

That's not what I meant.

Oh. You mean...?

I'm not so sure
that's any of your business.

No, you're probably right.

Still...

...she could get hurt.

- I trust that won't happen.
- What are you, her brother?

Apparently.

- Wesley, I--
- She chose.

It's just important to me
that she's taken care of.

She will be.

Good.

Sorry.

It's okay. It was already ruined.

I planned to rip it off him later,
anyway.

- You did get the potion?
- Yeah. We got it.

Well, this isn't so bad.
You heal almost as fast as he does.

- Princess, I have a confession to make.
- Groo.

What confession?
Did something happen at the brothel?

You were supposed to look after him.

Nothing happened.
Except your boyfriend here was...

...very brave and saved the day.

You did? You big hero!

No. I was reckless.
I put everyone in grave peril.

Angel is the true champion.

- He saved us.
- Did you hear that?

Yeah, but--

How many guys would
give away the credit like that?

That is just so noble. The potion.

Let's get out of here.

See you.

Cordelia.

What?

What is it?

- What's this?
- Just some money I saved up.

Why? What for?

I did something for you tonight. Now
I want you to do something for me.

Don't come in tomorrow.
Don't come in for a couple of weeks.

Take Groo someplace nice.
Someplace where there's sun.

You'd like that.

- Angel--
- Promise me.

Okay.

You sure you don't need
some patching up?

I'm good. Didn't hurt a bit.

All right, now.
You get some rest, big boy.

Yes. You go to sleep.
Get you nice and tucked in.

Yes.

- Thanks for looking after him.
- Yeah, sure. You okay?

Yeah.

- Working late?
- Yes.

- You startled me.
- Oh, we didn't mean to.

- I thought I was alone.
- Yeah. So did I.