Angel (1999–2004): Season 1, Episode 18 - Five by Five - full transcript

What the hell you
burning there, man? Stinks like--

You in the wrong place.

My boys won't be happy when
they see what kind of mess you--

Your name Marquez? Good.
I hate saving the wrong guy.

Never know who you'll meet
in this part of town. Ride?

- Careful.
- Thank you.

New in town, right?
You got that "new in town" look.

It's a dangerous part of town
for a young lady.

Many would take advantage
of this situation.

Especially if you have no money,
no place to stay.

- I might be able to help.
- I'm cold.



Oh, yeah? "Warm" is my middle name.

Now I got money. And a place to stay.

Think I'm gonna like it here.

- Can I take off this blindfold yet?
- No.

- Can I take off something else?
- After I give you your present.

You can never have enough of those.
Come on.

Happy birthday, Angelus.

She's a gypsy.

- I looked everywhere.
- What would I do without you?

Wither and die.

But she's not just for you.
I get to watch.

- Want to live? Do the right thing.
- Right for who?

Next time they come after you, I won't
be there, nor will your friends.

This guy will never do it.
What a waste of a good vision.



- Going badly?
- I knew when you brought him...

...someone with that much body art
has a different idea of civic duty.

After we saved his life?

When was the last time
you wrote a thank you card?

Well, I have faith in Angel.

- He can convince him to testify.
- You don't change a guy like that.

Generally speaking,
you don't change a guy.

What you see is what you get. Scratch
the surface, you find more surface.

- One could have said that about Angel.
- Please. He was cursed by gypsies.

Will Angel get gypsies to shove
a soul down this guy's throat?

The ruffian's already got a soul...

...and, deep down inside,
an urge to do what's right.

- No way, I'm gone.
- Shut up and sit down.

You're right, Wesley.
He's just like the Dalai Lama.

You're gonna have to face
your demons sometime.

- What if I don't want to?
- Then you'll have to face mine.

Excuse me!

Okay. You're excused.

- That's my boyfriend.
- Really?

I don't see your name on him anywhere.

- Billy, do something.
- Yes, Billy, do something. Like this.

While the arguments presented
are entertaining...

...the case hinges on witnesses
they don't have.

If Wolfram and Hart wouldn't
tamper with the witness--

That's a serious allegation.

I'm filing a grievance with the ABA.

They have no witness and no case.

I request a dismissal of all charges.

My client's reputation is damaged.

He's a law-abiding and upstanding...

...citizen.

He is. Except for that "drug
and murder" stuff.

Your Honor, the state
calls Mr. Marquez.

Raise your right hand.

Swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth?

I accept full responsibility.
I thought...

...we'd done everything possible.
I didn't foresee the intervention.

Yes, sir. Angel. I don't disagree.
He's proven to be a costly liability.

I can-- Absolutely. I can do that.

Yes, sir. Goodbye.

I hate failure
when there's no one to blame.

I think I've found
the solution to our problem.

Lee, there you are.
Tell them that's our drop-dead offer.

Assure them we mean
literally, not figuratively.

- How you doing?
- Good. You?

Great. I hear you came up
with a good idea.

How to deal with our friendly vampire?

No, it's a great idea.
How did you find out so fast?

Part of my job. How did you
find out about the rogue slayer?

Part of my job. I've been
reading the police reports.

- She's been a busy little beaver.
- But you don't know where she is.

- I will soon enough.
- I already do.

- I'll make the contact.
- It's my deal. I'll make the contact.

- Let me think about it. No.
- Why not?

It's your people skills.
You don't have any.

- You bitch.
- See?

If you behave,
I'll let you ride in the limo.

Unfortunately, we don't
really do divorce cases.

No. It's not about the money.

It's about that much money.
How soon can we meet?

Yeah, I know where that is.

We'll see you there tomorrow.

Thanks for calling. Bye.

How'd it go?

- We won.
- Gang guy testified?

- Stood up and told the truth.
- What did I tell you?

- That he never would.
- Well, more good news.

I may have landed a new client,
and he can afford to pay.

What's the case?

I'm still gathering information,
but we have lunch with him tomorrow.

You happy with the way
things turned out?

You can tell when he's happy.
His scowl is slightly less scowly.

- That kid's lucky he ran into you.
- I pushed him in the right direction.

I wonder how Wolfram and Hart
will push back?

We can go talk, but I'm not much
of a talker. I'm more of a doer.

I think you might have
misunderstood my intentions.

No. I think you misunderstood mine.

I like that watch.

Diamonds, right?

- Faith--
- How do you know my name?

I don't think I told you.

We are well aware of who you are
and what you do.

We know you've had some difficulties.
We can bring order back to your life.

We do, do we? Who is "we"?

Why do they know about me
when I don't know jack about you?

Green is my favorite color,
I look good in diamonds...

...and I love riding in limousines.

Faith, can we talk?

I like black.

Angelus?

Are you here?

Angelus?

Not everyone screams.

What?

When you kill them...

...some just stand there. Frozen.

While others....

What are you doing?
Are we playing a game?

The children. They usually scream.

Yes, they sound just like little pigs.
Have you brought me some?

You don't think I'll share? I can't
believe you think I'm so insensitive.

We've drunk and killed for
how long now, 140-odd years?

We've drunk them all up,
and they're all dead.

- Where have you been?
- Don't!

What is this?
Have you met someone else?

Let go of me. Let go of me!

What happened to you?
Angelus, what happened?

That gypsy girl you brought me.

Her people found out
and did something to me.

- A spell.
- Funny...

...you'd think with all the people...

...I've maimed and killed...

...I wouldn't be able
to remember every single one.

Help me.

The spell. They gave you a soul.

A filthy soul!

- You're disgusting.
- Darla--

- No, get away from me!
- You brought her here.

- I am like you.
- You're not like anything.

Get away from me. Get out!

I'll kill you!

A felony arrest warrant from Sunnydale
was issued in your name. For murder.

Physical description's accurate.
The photo, however, is not flattering.

There's personal stuff too, but they
don't mention that you're a slayer.

Which is why we find you so appealing.

You have a problem, we have a problem.
I had a murder case go up in smoke...

...and you seem to have a certain
expertise in that area.

So to make a long story less long...

...I think if a service is rendered,
we can get you off.

You know how many men
have promised me that?

You won't be disappointed
in our performance.

Who am I supposed to kill?

Understand that we'd never advocate
the killing of another human being.

His name's Angel.
He's somewhat of a private--

No problem.

- Don't you want to know more?
- Besides getting me off...

...how much will you pay?

It might behoove you to know
more about your intended.

So before we discuss remuneration--

Payment.

Make sure you understand this firm
is not connected to anything you do.

It's my ass on the line.
I don't want you to make me look bad.

How do you look now?

She shows initiative.

- Jesse.
- Sir?

Make it three for dinner
instead of four.

Very good, sir,

He's kind of a busy man,
so lunch was the only time he had.

It's not our usual case,
but we must consider finances.

- What kind of demons are they?
- It's not exactly a demon thing.

What kind of "thing" is it?

It's kind of a husband-
and-wife-breakup thing.

- A divorce case?
- You're kidding.

- What's wrong with it?
- It's not what we do.

According to the husband,
the wife's a real witch.

- Seems a bit seedy.
- This is not seedy.

He's in government. Just talk to him.

We pay for lunch. Nothing says
success less than splitting the bill.

- I didn't bring any money.
- Okay, Elvis.

Only big stars don't carry cash.

Speaking of which, one of us
should apply for a business loan.

Just to get us through the rough spot.
What's a 30-year loan to you?

That was so cool!

This is gonna be fun.

- Oh, my God. Faith.
- I thought she was in a coma?

Pretty lively coma.

Giles said she left Sunnydale a
week ago. She's borderline psychotic.

- Explains her outfit.
- This isn't right.

A slayer trying to kill
your boss is wrong.

I meant Giles. Why didn't he warn me?
I was Faith's Watcher.

He should've called
as soon as she awoke.

Maybe he was busy trying to keep her
from killing everybody?

He didn't know she was coming for me.
He was worried about Buffy.

- Is she okay?
- Yeah.

- What can we do?
- Help me track her down.

Check last week's police reports
for beatings, killings.

Possibly near bus stations and bars.
And then you make yourself scarce.

You've been targeted by a psychotic.
I'm not going to run and hide.

- I like the plan where I'm scarce.
- Strength in numbers.

- Two's a number.
- She wants me.

- Don't get in the way.
- But we were a team.

We're not a team. I'm your boss.
You go where I tell you.

- You're taking this personal--
- She shot at my personal back.

Did she do something to Buffy?

Giles just said it was rough.

If you let emotion control
you now, one of you will end up dead.

- That's what she wants.
- She's not a demon, she's a sick girl.

- If there's a chance to reason--
- I had a shot at saving her...

...but some British guy
kidnapped her...

...and made sure
she'd never trust again.

Angel, it's not Wesley's fault
that some British guy ruined your--

Oh, wait. That was you.

- Go on.
- You don't need to.

Let's just get to work.

Hey, baby. Come give us a hug.

I was hoping you'd stop by.
Always good to see old friends.

What's this? Wooden bullets?

Good idea, but no. This is for you.

You know, I'm gonna kill you
slowly and inventively...

...so I'm gonna give you
one chance to--

Blanks.

Nice.

Didn't shoot to kill.
Gotta up the stakes.

- Get you in the game.
- What's the game?

Boredom? Revenge?

I'm getting paid.
They hate you almost as much as I do.

- This might be more fun for me.
- You think?

What if you kill me and experience
that one true moment of pleasure?

I'd get off on that.
Go ahead. Do me.

Let's take that hell ride together.

I'm all yours.
It's an open invitation.

You're pathetic.
You and your tortured soul.

Gotta think everything through.
Think fast, lover.

You don't do me, you know I'll do you.

Gosh. That one wasn't a blank.

Let the games begin.

I'm telling you it's off.

I read the file.
It needs to be handled. I gotta jump.

You...

- ...were in the Gruber meeting.
- Right.

What's going on with them?
Is this a negotiation or a cotillion?

- That's what I told Frank.
- Who?

- Works in contracts.
- The problem's not contracts!

- That's what I was trying to tell--
- Go.

Yes.

Yes. No, no--

Thursday!

We have to close Gruber now
before the stock goes--

- Through the roof!
- In the toilet!

I want to know the instant they fold.

They are folding?

- Gotta go, E-mail me, good to see you.
- You too.

- Have you no respect for the law?
- Nice office. Good view.

Where's Faith?

- What are you talking about?
- Your new hire.

It's a big firm. Personnel will be
glad to handle your problem.

You remember her.
Pretty, dark hair. Kills.

We have strict hiring practices.

How's it work for a guy like you?

Successful lawyer in a big law firm.

Company car. Nice office.

Bonus. Can hire a killing
whenever you want.

We'll add slander
to breaking and entering.

While we're on the subject,
you threw my client through a window.

- Killed him, if I'm not mistaken.
- Yes. I seem to remember.

The window was just about that size.

Too bad the body burned up.
I might've needed a lawyer.

- We have a certain class of clientele.
- I've killed enough people to qualify.

Where is she?

Vampires can't enter without alerting
our sophisticated security system.

Spent a fortune on mystical barriers.
Nice knowing our investment paid off.

- It was a waste of money.
- One down, more on the way.

The police are coming and all this
has been digitally recorded.

Although it'll be entertaining
to watch you fight for your life...

...not to mention the fortune
I can make off the video...

...I do have a dinner.

Good to see you again, Lindsey.

We'll do this real soon.

Just when I think I got you
figured out, you show up in a suit.

There's another assault.
Fight in a bar, arrests made.

A woman fitting Faith's description
was involved but not arrested.

She charmed her way out?

She broke a policeman's jaw
with his own handcuffs...

- ...before she disappeared.
- For Faith, that is charm.

Phantom Dennis, let us in!
It's all right. It's only Wesley.

- Dennis, your ghost, I presume?
- Yes, he's jealous.

Don't worry, hell will freeze over
before we have sex.

Thank goodness for small favors.
I'll call Angel again.

- I'm gonna pack a bag.
- Not too much. We're not on safari.

I got a little problem.

I don't feel Angel's in the game.

But, somehow, I think
you guys are the key.

Now what can I do
to really make him hate me?

- Faith.
- Shut up, Wesley.

- Listen to me. It's not too late.
- For cappuccino? It just keeps me up.

- It's not too late to let me help you.
- Yes. We want to help you.

I realize there have been
failures on both sides.

I also believe in my heart
that you are not a bad person.

What do you believe now?

All right, Wes. My turn.

- Cordelia.
- Oh, Angel.

She was already here. I didn't know.

I made Wesley come with me
just to get a couple of things.

She was like an animal.
She said that you weren't in the game.

- There was nothing we could do.
- Take it easy.

I'm sorry.

- What about Wesley? Is he okay?
- He's not here.

All these little cuts and bruises
just bring out the mother in me.

Come on. Now, now.
Don't poop out on me, damn it.

Otherwise this is all
going to be over too fast.

And you'll be dead and I'll be...

...bored.

Come on, Wesley.
Where's that stiff upper lip?

Now, we've only done one
of the five basic torture groups.

We've done blunt.

But that still leaves sharp,
cold, hot and loud.

Have a preference?

That's great. It's always better
with audience participation.

May I take your order, please?

I was your Watcher, Faith.

I know the real you.

Even if you kill me,
I want you to remember one thing.

- What's that, love?
- You are a piece of shi--

You should talk, huh?

I'll just have to try a little harder.

We'll switch to "sharp" for a while.

On Monday, a guy was beaten here.
His wallet and car stolen.

He's still in the hospital.

Four blocks over is a restaurant where
they had a major fight on Tuesday.

Then here, a guy ran into something
he called "the bitch from hell"...

...who sent him home with paramedics.
That was Wednesday.

This was the first. Took his wallet
and keys. He still in the hospital?

- Yeah. We were gonna talk to him.
- Where does he live?

That's refreshing.
But I'm feeling a little cold.

Why don't we warm the place up?

You wonder if things would've
been different if we never met?

And what if you had Buffy
and Giles had been my Watcher?

Think we'd still be here? Or would
Giles be sitting in that chair?

Or is it just like fate,
where there's no choice?

You were gonna be here no matter what.
Ever think about that stuff?

Fate and destiny?

I don't.

Not that any of this
is your own fault.

Since this may be the last chance
we have to unload on each other...

...it's my duty to say that
had you been a better Watcher...

...I might've been
a more positive role model.

Face it, Wesley.
You really were a jerk.

Walking around like you had a big
stake rammed up your English Channel.

I think I want to hear you scream.

You never will.

Admit it, Wesley.

Didn't you always have
the hots for me?

About time, Soul Boy.

Ready to play now?

I'm ready.

You showed. But how do I know
if you're really in this?

If I kill him, would that help
or just be really funny?

I know what you're after.

You I have to kill.
Wesley's for the hell of it.

- It's not about him. It's about us.
- He's payback.

Why? I thought you were happy.

You never told me how much
I'm worth dusted.

- Fifteen thousand plus expenses.
- You're kidding.

Hey, I'm young.
Willing to work my way up.

You feel young, do you?

You're looking worn-out to me.

That all you got, vampire?
Get in the game.

Come on, Angel!
I thought you were bad!

You can't take me.
No one can take me.

Come on!

You're gonna die!

You hear me?!

You don't know what evil is.

I'm bad.

Fight back!

Nice try, Faith.

I know what you want...

...and I'm not gonna do it.

I won't make it easy for you.

I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil!

Do you hear me?! I'm bad!
Angel, I'm bad!

I'm bad! Do you hear me?!

I'm bad! I'm bad!

Please.

Angel, please, just do it.

Please, just do it.

Just kill me.

Just kill me.

It's okay. I'm here.