Andromeda (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 19 - The Illusion of Majesty - full transcript

The slipstream is collapsing.

Drop us out
before we tear apart.

No. No. I can hold it.

I'm dropping us out now.

Hang on.
This is gonna be rough.

Thank you.

Well, now,
the Prolon system.

No wonder
slipstream collapsed.

What's with the Prolon system?

Well, for one thing,
it's a system-wide
navigational nightmare.

I'm picking up
Transient solar clusters



and serious
gravitational rip tides,

and we're enveloped in it.

Just wait until you
meet the locals.

A veritable who's who
of the dangerous
and the moronic

who cull their
cumulative livelihood

accepting the hazardous waste
of other systems.

I strongly suggest
we avoid these idiots.

Well, I love
a good suggestion.

Beka, take us out
with standard engines

and try not to bump
into anything.

Ha-ha, and forget it.

Our nav systems
can't see through
the radioactive waste.

I have no idea
which way is out.

I'm picking up
a hibernation capsule



traveling at
a substantial velocity.

One occupant,
distress signal disarmed.

It's being chased
by three armed ships.

And so our trip through
the looking glass begins.

There's a window
in the capsule.

Magnify.

Perhaps we should
attempt a rescue.

What a surprise.

Battle stations.

I've been hit
by some kind
of corrosive material.

Hull breach
on deck 12.
Deck 11.

That fast?
Arming forward bays.

Dylan, we're floating
in an ocean
of unstable material.

Just one of our missiles
could chain-ignite
the entire system.

Us included.
Tyr, back off.

What are they
shooting at us?

Their weaponry consists
of the very same toxic waste
that surrounds them,

balled up into missile form.

There are 4.9 metric tons
of highly concentrated
corrosive waste

directly above command.

Andromeda,
adjust hull pressure
to isolate the breaches.

Yeah, don't worry
about me. I'm good.

Hull rupture in 27 seconds.

And when I thought
our sleeping beauty
needed rescuing.

The universe
is a dangerous place,

but in our future,
my crew and I fight
to make it safe.

I am Dylan Hunt, Captain
of the Andromeda Ascendant,

and these are our adventures.

Might I suggest
we retire to auxiliary
control on another deck?

If five tons of that
comes through command,
it won't make any difference.

Hull rupture
in 15 seconds.

Uh, Rommie, reverse
the artificial gravity
on the decks above us.

Reversing grav.

And maintaining standard
gravity on command deck.

That was simple.

If they shoot again,
the effects will be worse.

The corrosion has
a cumulative effect.

Where are those
other three ships?

They're still racing us
to get to that capsule.

We scoop her up first,
they'll back off.

Another hull breach
on deck 18.

Twenty kilometers
to the capsule.
All three ships, re-arming.

Ten kilometers
to the capsule.

Five.

Got her.
Good.

Incoming communique
from one of the pursuing ships.

Of course.

This is the consulate
for the Royal House of Prolon.

You will hand over
our escaped capsule
immediately.

You have taken aboard
a member of the
Royal House of Prolon.

If you do not hand
her over to us,
we will resume firing.

And destroy her
in the process?

No, I don't think so.

Listen, why don't you lower
your weapon arrays...

Give us our princess.

We will not wait long
for your response.

Everywhere we go,
friendly people.

Accessing the Royal computer.

ANDROMEDA Princess Tura,
the most popular member
of the royal family,

beloved by millions.

Disappeared as a child
during a violent revolution,

assumed dead.

She resurfaced
one year ago
in a convent.

How dramatic.

Trance, take our princess
to med deck.
I'll meet you there.

Aye aye.

Tyr, what do you think...

Where is Tyr?

On his way to his quarters.

The answer is no.

Of course, it is.
I just came here
to find out why.

Because the Prolon people
are the most gullible,
unenlightened...

Rommie tells me these people
are more impoverished
than anything else,

and desperate people
are easily swayed
by their authority figures.

The Prolons want to
believe in something,
anything, so badly,

they'll make authority figures
out of anyone,

clinging to one belief system
after another. No.

So are you telling me
I should send Harper
instead of you?

Dylan,
the Prolon Royal Delegation
is requesting permission

to come aboard
and see their princess.

If you agree,
they will stand down
their weaponry.

And I'll tell you
another thing.

No one is who
they seem to be.

They are a confederacy
of idiots awash
in a garbage system.

They even shoot
lethal garbage
at each other.

That's what hit us.
That's all they have.

The bottom line is
our navigation systems
are useless in this place.

We may need these people,
to get out of here,
I could use your expertise.

But if you remember,
I suggested leaving
the moment we arrived.

But if you remember,

I actually agreed with you
for the first time,

and we couldn't leave.

Don't you appreciate
the tragic irony
in that, Tyr?

Thank you so much
for stopping by.

But...

Andromeda,
let them board,

unarmed,

but monitor them
as if they were.

This outdated
Prolon tech is making it
difficult to bring her out.

She's in a self-induced
coma state.

How did she expect
anyone to find her?

I have a feeling Her Highness
didn't want to be found.

Request permission
to address Her Majesty.

Is she okay to talk?

Yes, she's fine.

Of course.

Your Highness.

Who has rescued me?

I have, Your Highness.

I'm Captain Dylan Hunt.

You may all rise.

Your Highness, we've been
searching for days.

Why were you
on that escape vessel?

Consul, does your job entail
questioning my actions?

No, Your Highness,

But, Your Highness,
why are you...

wearing those clothes?

Where am I now?

You're on board
the Andromeda Ascendant.

Did you want to
slap me again?

Your Highness?

Yes?

He engaged three destroyers
to steal your escape vessel.

Well, hold on.
That's not exactly true.

You plucked me
from space under fire?

Well, under fire
wasn't my idea.

Your Highness,
we must get you back
to your vessel now.

She leaves here
of her own free will,
okay, pal?

What are you doing
in Prolon system, Captain?

Trying to find a way out.

You see, we had
to abort slipstream,

and, well,
your Prolon environment

makes our navigational
systems useless.

Our crews navigate by sight,

which requires
an intimate familiarity

of the Prolon surroundings.

I would be happy
to escort you.

That would be lovely.

Hmm.

Mm.

Whew.

Your AI has been
watching me like a hawk.

Security is her
favorite pastime.

I'm subjected to security
every waking moment.

You know, Your Highness,
if we take a sharp right
at the next corner,

we might be able to escape
the scrutiny of your entourage.

That would be lovely.

Rommie,
full security mode, deck 19.

Your Highness!

Aye, Captain.

Wow.

Now the real
tour begins.

Fair enough,

but we're gonna have
to be frank
with each other.

Okay, you be Frank.

I'll be Francesca.

You were trying to escape
from your own subjects.

Don't you ever get bored,
want to try something new?

Don't you get tired
of the same old crew,
day after day?

So where were you
heading and why?

I could tell you that,
but then I'd have
to sleep with you.

I wonder what I'm gonna find
when I scan your DNA.

Will I have to take
my clothes off?

Okay, Princess Tura,
or whoever you are...

Please, call me Francesca.

Enough.

Look,
a long time ago,

I had a chance to get ahead
in this galactic backwater,

and I took it.

By impersonating
a dead princess?

She's not dead.

Listen, do you have
something against
living the good life?

I mean, so what?
It cost me
a little white lie?

Look, I don't have any power.

The Royal Family
controls everything.

You know what I'm thinking?
Mm-mm.

I'm thinking that
your game is over.

Not yet.

You see, my subjects believe
that I can somehow
single-handedly guide them

to some happy ending.

And you couldn't deliver,
and that's when you decided
to run away.

If they find out the truth,
they will kill me.

And I'm supposed
to save you?

Look.

I'll guide you to the end
of the system.

Then you can
drop me off...

after you're done with me.

Eventually,

you're gonna have to tell
your loyal subjects the truth.

I'm going to have
to think about that.

Do we have a deal?

Hmm.

I'm gonna have
to think about that.

The approaching ship
is armed and battle-ready.

Whoever they are,
they're making the Royal
destroyers back way off.

Rommie, locate Dylan.

Dylan is in conference.

Well, whoever they are,
they're using the same
type of weapon as the Royals.

Can't we just fire
one teeny-weeny
little missile?

No!

With us in the middle?
Those Prolon ships
are out there.

It's a tinderbox.
Point taken.

Rommie, get Dylan
out of conference.

If you don't
break off your attack,
we will return fire.

There's a good chance

that your system
could go up in flames.

The Prolon Order of Monks
are ready to die
in their quest.

Uh, well, that's
very suicidal of you.

However, I don't believe
the rest of the inhabitants
in your system

want you deciding their fate.

Our goddess
is on-board your vessel.

Surrender her or die.

Princess Tura.

Positively the same dame.

Bad just got worse.

Let's try to keep
our heads here, okay.

If you continue
to fire at us,

chances are
the only thing surviving
will be my ship.

We do not believe you.

Hajin Na will protect us.

All right, wait, um...

About your goddess,
Hajin Na, she has a plan.

You speak for Hajin Na?

Sure. Why not?

She wishes you
to come aboard

so we can continue
our discourse.

Dylan.

We accept your
invitation, Captain.

Whew. Stand down.

Dylan, she's surrounded
by her Royal subjects.

There's no way
she's gonna cop
to scamming those monks.

Who knows how many scams
she's got going?

Exactly.

We'd better find out, though.

If somebody starts shooting,
we all go up in smoke.

We all go up in garbage.

Those monks
are dangerous, Captain.

Huh. They struck me
as true believers.

They worship
the Hajin Na.

Well, apparently,
this Hajin Na
has disappeared,

and they're on
some holy quest
to find her.

This does not please me.

I wish to return
to our home planet
immediately.

Oh, Your Highness agreed
to provide navigation
out of the Prolon system.

Now I disagree.

Oh, come on.

We shook and everything.

Ready my ship.
We're turning around.

Excuse me, Captain.

We are disembarking now.

As you wish.

The docking bay
is right this way,

and the monks
are arriving as we speak.

It'll be a good chance
for you to say hi.

The monks are boarding now?

Yes. That's why we stopped.

I will retire
to my quarters

until Captain Hunt
has satisfied the curiosity
of our misled monks.

I'm sure he'll deal
with them quickly

so we can continue
on our way.

Well, I'll be sure to give them
your best diplomatic regards,

of course.

Hajin Na,

among infidels from
the Royal House of Prolon.

If this is
an overture to war...

Maybe her plan involves
bringing peace between you.

Hajin Na forbade
all communication
with the Royal subjects.

We must have no contact.

That makes
perfect sense.

It is imperative that she
return to us, Captain.

Her people are dying.

They cannot
feed themselves.

Caused by
her disappearance?

Perhaps.

Hajin Na also asks
that all followers

give up their
material wealth
to the church.

She says money only hinders
the path to enlightenment.

Hah. I noticed
it didn't hinder her

from buying
a really big ship.

We are used to facing
accusations, Captain.

Even the Ministry of Justice
tried to bring charges
against her.

And that's when
your goddess disappeared.

Her ways are
unknowable to us.

I know what you mean.
Right this way.

Here you go, gentlemen.
Right this way.

Whoa, watch the stick
there, buddy.

The Ministry of Justice?

The Ministry of Justice
was created
in the Prolon system

to keep the peace
amongst the many
rival factions.

Hmm.
An AI that operates
at about 80% efficiency.

Well, let's find out
what this Ministry of Justice

knows about our
princess/goddess, okay?

Mm-hmm.
Where is our goddess,
Captain?

Oh, I will bring
your goddess to you.

But...

Please accept
our most profound gratitude.

You've captured
one of most elusive criminals
in the Prolon system, Captain.

Lorina Blodgett?

Scam after scam,
multiple arrests,

warrants from five
different systems.

That, and a name
like Lorina Blodgett,

no wonder she likes
to use aliases.

Most recently, she's even
passed herself off

as a member of the kingdom
of Prolon's Royal Family.

She's absconded
with trillions
over her career.

Why has her apprehension
taken so long?

As you must know,
Prolon is a huge system

With nearly impossible
travel conditions.

One could spend
a lifetime

never visiting or even knowing
of a neighboring planet

mere light seconds away.

What happened to all
the money she stole?

Nobody knows.

Our top judge
is in intercept route
with you now.

Good luck, Captain.

You haven't gotten rid
of those monks?

What are you
trying to pull?

The truth out of you.

You wanna cancel
our deal?

Your navigation systems
are useless in this swamp.

I'll be back on my cruiser
having a milk bath

by the time you grope your way
out of a Trilithium field.

There are other people
who can navigate this system,

and they don't punish
royal impersonators
with milk baths.

Dylan, we have several ships
on an intercept course.

Identify.

They call themselves
the Prolon Ministry of Justice.

Oh.

This is getting
interesting.

We need to make a new deal.

Oh, I'm sure we do.

The Ministry of Justice
has no sympathy for we Royals.

Or, I imagine, goddesses,

or whoever else
you've been lately.

You know, maybe...
maybe you were
a lawyer once.

Now, that would help.

Look, the Royal Family
has stolen

everything they could
from their people.

They've taken so much,
they don't even realize
it's missing,

so I took some of it.

Most of it.

That sounds more like it,
and you were
on your way to get it

when we picked you up.

I was running
out of options.

Uh-huh. So you got an offer?
Let's hear it.

You and me, fifty-fifty,
then we disappear.

Think about it.
It's a limited time offer.

The Ministry
of Justice is here.

Let them dock.

Her Right Honorable
Prolon Minister of Justice.

Dylan, please,
I'm telling you,

you don't know
how tough
this judge is.

Yeah, well,
not tough enough.
Believe me.

There are millions
of lives at stake,

and you have no idea
how many people you've hurt
and left alone to suffer.

Court is now in session.

Lorina Blodgett,

aka Princess of Prolon,

aka the goddess Hajin Na,

I hereby find you
guilty as charged.

In the interest of time,
I'll proceed to sentencing.

Prepare arms.

Prepare arms!

Hut!

I sentence you to death.

Oh, it's never easy.

By the power
invested in me,
in this jurisdiction,

ready...

aim...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You have no jurisdiction

to gun people
down on these decks.

My jurisdiction
is the entire
Prolon system.

Yeah, but this is my ship,

and with it, we represent
the entire influence
of the Commonwealth.

By the power
invested in me,
ready, aim...

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
You will not
proceed with this.

Do you represent
the accused?

If you're gonna kill her,
then, yes, I represent her.

Ah.

Bailiff.
Hut!

We will reconvene in one hour
aboard my ship for arguments.

Proceedings
will begin promptly.

Court is now adjourned.

Hut!

You can't do this.

I am dead meat.

That judge is antique
artificial intelligence.

My fate could be decided
on bad wiring.

All right, all right.

Just calm down, calm,
sit, sit, sit, all right?

Take a deep breath.

There you go.
Now tell me
where the stash is.

It's on a garbage moon.

Just tell me where it is

and I'll get you
through this trial

in one piece.

Right, tell you
where it is

before I march
in front of
a firing squad.

Maybe they could be
my last words.

They definitely will be
if you don't give me
the exact coordinates.

Dylan, the monks
are requesting an audience

with their goddess
before the trial.

No. Please.

Those monks are gonna be
very surprised

when they see you
in that princess outfit.

All right, I'll take you
to my stash,

after I'm declared innocent.

Come on,
I'm as good as dead.

That money is my only
bargaining chip.

Now you're asking me
to take a roll of the dice.

What am I betting on?

Me.

No. Hold on.
Wait, wait!

Uh, Dylan,
I could use
your help here.

Guys.

Got to go.

Will you guys
just wait up?

This is a holy quest.

I realize that,
but for your own safety
aboard this ship,

you're gonna have to stay
in the conference room

until your goddess
wants to speak with you.

This ship
is an insignificant toy

in comparison
to the power and beauty

that is our goddess.

Well, your goddess
certainly is something,

but your quest
will have to wait.

Then you leave us no choice.

The monk ship has fired
another volley
of radioactive waste.

It's spreading through
the conduit on deck eight.

That does it.

Your goddess, Hajin Na,

is an impostor.

She has lied to you,

and she is awaiting trial

for telling similar lies
to the Royal House.

What did you say to them?

I...

Dylan!
Sorry.

Hey!

Beka!

Tell me

where they are keeping
our goddess.

Put him down.

You're searching for water

while you're drowning
in the depth of the sea.

Your only love
is enlightenment.

Love, desire,
enlightenment,

revenge.

These are not emotions,

simply traps
to ensnare your will.

We have long ago learned
to overcome our emotions.

But the will
to overcome an emotion

is merely the will
for some other emotion
to triumph.

Well, hah,
that's gonna cost me.

So, what now?

Now I'm gonna talk
to the king,

see if I can get
Princess Tura off the hook.

So as you can see,
your princess has been
taking you for a ride.

That does appear
to be the case.

She will die for this.

Wait, wait, wait.

She doesn't need to die.

I can get your money back.

And you can use
your Royal Family's
influence in the courts

to have the case dismissed.

Dismissing the case
would only create scandal.

But if the Ministry of Justice
finds her guilty
of impersonating royalty,

that would create
a scandal as well, no?

No one in Prolon system
believes in that
malfunctioning judge.

So you're just gonna
let them kill her?

She will become a martyr,

and perhaps the people

will tear apart that judge
circuit by circuit.

Leaving more power
in your hands.

The flawless image of majesty
must be maintained, Captain.

It is the very foundation
of royalty.

In fact, it could be argued

that we gain more respect
by letting these
proceedings go on.

Farewell, Captain.

All rise for her
Right Honorable
Minister of Justice.

The charge is
impersonation and theft.

The accused will now
enter into arguments
with the prosecutor.

I could be wrong,
but I'm guessing
he didn't go to law school.

They will argue
till they reach a decision.

Excuse me,
Your Honor,

but Princess Tura
won't last five seconds
with that guy.

You have the right
to take her place.

I do?

Uh, I mean, I do.
Yes. I will.

Bailiff.

The arguments will now begin.

I'm guessing there's not
a lot of defense lawyers
left in the Prolon system.

Proceed.

Left-handed.

It's right... How many times
do I have to tell you?
It's right-handed.

Excuse me.
Could you help us
settle an argument?

It's not my fault.
It's the system's.

I can't believe
they're falling
for this old gag.

Have you forgotten
where we are?

Her memory core
is an antique.

Well, the judge's behavior
is starting to make some sense.

Get busy.

Harper, status.

This might take
a while, Dylan.

Don't win
that fight too fast.

I'll take a point of it.

So, what's taking
you so long?

The problem is
this stuff is so old,
it predates you.

That's very funny.

Hurry it up.

This isn't hacking.
It's archeology.

Uh-uh.

That was an illegal
maneuver, Captain.

Oh, come on!
Now you have rules?

I am ruling against you.

Oh, there's a shocker.

By the power invested in me,

I order my commission
to execute the accused.

Prepare arms.

Prepare arms!

Uh, Mr. Harper,
now would be
a really good time.

In the matter of Prolon system
versus Lorina Blodgett,

aka Princess Tura,

aka the goddess Hajin Na,

on the count
of impersonating royalty,

I find...

I'm in.

Uh, people...

I find, um...

Insufficient cause
for this trial
to have ever occurred.

The charge
is without merit.

Impersonating royalty, pshaw!

Royalty is just an illusion
we allow ourselves to believe.

Um, I declare a mistrial.
Court adjourned.

Oh, and I sentence
the princess to two nights
with Seamus Zelazny Harper.

I don't think they got
that last part.

I hold up my end
of the bargain.

Now it's your turn.

You confess to those
people out there,

then you'll take me
to the money.

That was our deal.

So are you gonna give me
the coordinates to the money?

What?

There are no coordinates
in all this Prolon muck.

We navigate by sight,
remember?

Yeah.

It's all up here.

I'll have to fly you
there myself.

Of course. You'll do
your confession speech,

and then you'll take me
to the money.

Right.
Right.

Good luck.

Dylan?
Yeah?

Thank you.

Your Highness,
it's almost time.

Do the right thing.

Your Highness...
Out. Everyone.

Except you.

I need the veil of repentance.

Check your records.

Go ahead, check them,

and try to access the money
that appears to be there.

Oh.

No!

Smoke and mirrors, gentlemen.
Smoke and mirrors.

And now the exonerated
Princess Tura.

She has agreed
to take us to the money.

Princess Tura?

Uh, Princess,

I told them that you agreed
to take us to the money.

Dylan,
the Maru has just launched.

Uh, so she won't be
taking us to the money.

She just went
to go get it herself.

She's disappeared
from my sensors.

Uh, then again, maybe not.

Where is our princess,
Captain Hunt?
Where is our goddess, Captain?

You know what?
She's gone too.

Which part did you play
in this deception?

Uh, the captain,
I believe.

How convenient you were
even in Prolon system
at this time, Captain.

Try inconvenient.
That's more like it.

You know what...

Cruisers into
attack formation.

As if we had anything
to do with this.

I can't help...
Oh, again with the stick.

It's a stupid system.

Impostor!

You promised us
we would see the goddess.

All ships
are taking up
attack formations.

Oh, no. This is
gonna be messy.

Battle stations.
Everyone to command.

The Andromeda
is not returning fire.

Fire at will.

Repeat, fire at will.

Corrosive material
is eating through deck 12.

Seal the deck and blow
the cabin pressure.

That should throw it out
into space.

We can't keep playing
cleanup forever.

No missiles, Tyr.

Fine. We've just
lost containment
on deck eight.

Harper, there's a mess
coming your way.

Woo-hoo!

If the radiation
doesn't kill you,
the smell will.

The forward missile bays
just shorted out.

That was a launch.

Oh, that's precious.

Dylan, what do you think?

Full engines
in the opposite direction,

we ride that fireball
out of this swamp.

I'll take that as a no.

Uh, what are we
doing, boss?

Harper, in machine shop,

there's a detonator
for a Nova bomb.

Nova bomb?

Just the detonator.
Right.

Starve the fire
and blow it out.

Five minutes.
You've got two.

Ah, the creature
in her natural environment.

No. He trusted me.

He trusted you
to run out on him.

Thanks for showing us
the loot, though.

I was actually worried
he'd fallen for you.

He did fall for me.

The fire is reaching
critical mass.

Take us into it.

Uh, do you see
that wall of ships?

They'll stand down.

The Maru is returning
with Princess Tura.

The ships are standing down.

Harper, launch
the detonator now.

All systems normal.

The Maru has docked.

On my way.

Good work, Beka.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm sure there's
someplace else
I should be.

And I'll just
go there now.

Sneaky.

Hmm.

I guess you weren't
rolling the dice
on trust either, huh?

Not when they're loaded.

What could you
possibly do to me?
I've been exonerated.

You can't send me
to jail.

Not the usual kind, no.

And so my path was clear.

The Prolon system was dying
the slow death of poverty.

I stole from the Royal Family
and the Prolon Order of Monks

in order to give back
to the people.

This is going out
to the entire system, right?

Live. I'm also
recording it
in my quarter.

Well, the king
should be having
an interesting day.

What does this mean?

Enlightenment is not found
in spiritual leaders

or in meditation.

Take care of your followers.
Enlightenment will find you.

Ah.

Anything to be rid
of these clowns.

Captain Hunt
and the Andromeda Ascendant

will distribute
the wealth evenly
among the dying planets

as they leave
the Prolon system.

I would not be
making this speech
if it weren't for him.

Giving away the Royal fortune
doesn't seem to sit well
with your entourage.

Our heartfelt thanks
to you, Captain,

but we all must carry on,

and if I ever get my chance,
I will pay you back for this.

I'll be looking forward
to your payment,
Your Highness.

Captain,

if you follow my ship,
we will escort you
to the edge of Prolon

and have you safely
on your way.

That was impressive.

I've got to hand it
to you, boss.

Nice performance.
You out-conned
the con artist.

You played
the love-struck captain,

the zealous defender
of her honor,
the betrayed friend,

and still,
you completely
fooled her.

I only tricked her.

I didn't fool
either one of us.