Andromeda (2000–2005): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Honey Offering - full transcript

You're late.
I've already

lapped decks three
through eight without you.

You'll be pleased
with my excuse.

I believe I've found a way
to increase the peace.

No offense,
but you make
an unlikely dove.

Be that as it may,
there are two large

Nietzschean prides
in this sector.

The Sabra and the Jaguar,
sworn enemies.

You want to set it up
so that they'll annihilate
each other.

The thought
had occurred to me,
but no.

Actually, they're trying
to forge a treaty.



One which hinges
on an arranged marriage

between
the Sabran First Daughter

and the son
of the Jaguar Archduke.

Heh. Maybe we should
send flowers.

They want someone
to transport the bride

from Sabra territory
to the Jaguar homeworld.

Preferably someone neutral.

Someone with a big,
powerful starship.

Precisely.

Just one thing.
What's in it for Tyr?

The resulting
Sabra-Jaguar alliance
would be large enough

to check the power
of the Drago-Kasov pride.

The Drago-Kasov.
Your sworn enemy.

The largest obstacle
to your renewed Commonwealth.



Whatever weakens them,
strengthens you.

Hey!

Hey, what is it, Rev?

Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to say...

Yeah, yeah, I know.
Set aside whatever prejudices

I may have
and embrace everyone,

even the Nietzscheans, right?

I was going to recommend
that you avoid...

any interactions with
the large Nietzschean prides.

You think
I'm out of my league?

We nearly met our destruction
at the hands

of the last Nietzschean pride
we encountered.

The Orca,
a few thousand strong.

The Sabra and the Jaguar...

each number in the millions.

Which makes them
important players

in this area
of the known worlds.

Players we may have
to deal with sooner or later.

May I caution you?

Watch your back

amongst
these Nietzschean serpents.

Let the prides know

I'll agree to transport
the Sabra's First Daughter
to her wedding,

but at a price.

And what would that be?

Tyr, I'm under no illusion

that an alliance as powerful
as the Sabra-Jaguar
would be interested

in signing
my Commonwealth Charter.
However,

there are two systems
that would be.

The Enkindu
and Schopenhauer systems.

The Jaguar and Sabras
have been fighting over them
for over 200 years.

I want those systems
granted independence
and the opportunity

to sign
the Commonwealth Charter.

A pair of solar systems
for a one way transport?

That's my price.

Take it or leave it.

You're surprised
the Sabras accepted my offer.

I try not to be surprised
by anything.

Surface shuttle craft
is docking.

All right everyone,
best behavior.

You're all ambassadors
for the Commonwealth.

I'm surprised.

Why?

I thought
all Sabrans were ugly.

Yeah,
I'm already getting a vibe.

This chick's bad news.

I'm getting a vibe, too.

Actually,
it's more like a tingle.

I'm Elsbett Mossadim,

out of Lucrezia by Tamerlane.

Have your human slaves
carry my luggage.

His arms look scrawny.

Make sure
he doesn't drop anything.

And him...

why is he alive?
I shoot Magog for sport.

Hello, Miss Alpha
Nietzschean Lady,

I picked these for you.

Thank you, cute purple monkey.

Is your pet house-trained?

Shall I show you
to your quarters?

Don't bother.
I'll choose whatever's best.

At what point do you tell her
that I run the ship?

The long night
has come.

The Systems Commonwealth,
the greatest civilization
in history, has fallen.

But now, one ship,
one crew, have vowed
to drive back the night,

and rekindle the light
of civilization.

On the starship, Andromeda,
hope lives again.

These bags must weigh
a metric ton.

I'm getting exhausted
just watching you guys
carry them.

Mr. Harper, it's good to see
that you're not
straining yourself.

You built new robots.

Yeah.

Well, uh...

in layman's terms,

I retrofitted
Andromeda's original bots.

I was getting sick
and tired of patching

and repatching the old ones.

So, uh, what do you think?

More importantly,
what does Rommie think?

They have more power,
and the thighs don't chafe
when they run.

Ah, well, that's important.

You know it.

What's going on here?

Why are you people
standing around
engaging in idle chatter

when my luggage
is still not in my quarters?

I am personally overseeing
the transfer,
your gorgeousness.

Robots! Move it!

Don't push it,
gorgeousness.

Rommie, you know
I only have eyes for you.

And you.
Huh?

The guest quarters
on this vessel are pathetic.

I'll need something
more suitable.

I've already given you
the best...
I've located a room

of sufficient size
on Deck five.

I believe your computer
identified that
as the Observation Deck.

Uh... that's a public space
for use of the entire crew.

For the duration of this trip,

it shall be private.

Arrange it.

You really
can't expect Elsbett
to change her attitude.

She's lived her entire life
among Nietzscheans,

and she's only known
non-Nietzscheans as slaves.

Well, you've had the benefit
of a more...

diverse exposure.

Maybe you could share
your experiences with her

that non-Nietzscheans
aren't inferior.

You'd like me to lie to her?

Just ask her
to tone it down a little.

We inferiors
are very sensitive.

I'll speak to her.

Thank you.

All Nietzscheans know
that amongst the prides,

the Sabra stand alone
as the most fierce...

and ruthless.

I take that as a compliment.

I would prefer you heed it

as a caution.

For that being as it is,

I believe
you'll be most disappointed

with your union
to Charlemagne Bolivar.

He's a fop, a do-nothing.

He inherited his title.

Whereas you,
on the other hand.

Well,

you are quite obviously
every inch

a Sabran First Daughter.

I'm marrying into pride Jaguar

because they're clever.

Notoriously treacherous.

Still, they've been declining
for 300 years.

They haven't done
a thing of note

since they betrayed
the Drago-Kasov

at the Battle of Witchhead.

Are you suggesting

I shouldn't
marry Charlemagne Bolivar?

I believe you should.

When you do,

you'll be the power behind
the new Sabra-Jaguar alliance.

And I will have been
the instrument to create
that alliance.

A fact I hope you'll continue
to appreciate well

into your married years.

And who are you?

I am Tyr Anasazi,

out of Victoria by Barbarosa.

Enquire after me
in the future,

and be assured
you'll find me of better...

service...

than that milksop Charlemagne.

And you are of which pride?

I am Kodiak.

An extinct pride.

Because
they weren't strong enough

to hold onto Drago's bones.

The Kodiak were betrayed.

Allowing yourself
to be betrayed

proves your inferiority.

Lady mine,

if you'll allow yourself
to know me a bit more...

intimately,

you'll quickly realize
I am no one's inferior.

Really?

Then why do you work
for a human?

She doesn't like flowers.
Who doesn't like flowers?

She called me kludge.

Well at least
she didn't call you monkey.

Even as Nietzscheans goes,

this Elsbett, well...

she tries my Wayist patience.

There's only one person
on this ship pathetic enough
to like her.

Hey, she's hot.

Really.

I find that her attitude
somewhat ruins her looks.

Believe me, boy.

Elsbett holds you
in utter contempt.

I know. She's hot
and she's a good judge
of character.

So what if she holds me
in utter contempt.
At least she's thinking of me.

What kind of a person
doesn't like flowers?

Ow, Ow, Ow! My tail!

That's for putting it
where it doesn't belong.

Help!
She's trying to kill me!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's going on here?

Your monkey was in my bags.

Well, you didn't have
to hurt my tail.

Trance, is this true?

Yes.

I apologize
for Trance's behavior.

I'll make sure...
Captain Hunt.
report to the bridge

Code Black. Multiple hostiles
exiting slipstream.

Nietzschean fighters.
They're right on top of us.

Rommie,
secure Elsbett's quarters.

Captain Hunt!
How dare

you lock me in here!
And make sure our guest
is secure in them.

So much
for avoiding entanglements

with the larger
Nietzschean prides.

Like I said, Rev,
sooner or later.
And it looks like it's sooner.

It's the Drago-Kasov.

And we're surrounded.

They're hailing.

Who's sending the message?

Someone calling himself

Fleet Marshal
Cuchulain Nez-Pearce.

Put it through.
Belay that!

You know him.

By reputation.

He masterminded
the Dragons campaign

against the Than colonies
in the Orion arm.

This guy is brilliant.

He's nearly doubled the size
of the Drago-Kasov fleet

in less than two years.

Dylan, he's dangerous.

And after my little excursion
to Enga's Redoubt,

it's best
if Cuchulain never learns
of my presence here.

I advise extreme caution.

On screen.

Captain Hunt, thank you
for accepting my hail.

Why have you surrounded
my ship?

Believe me, Captain,
I'm not happy about it either.

I'm missing out
on my oldest son's birthday.

Don't let me stop you.

I wish I could take you up
on that.

You know
how demanding children can be.

No. I don't.

That's a shame.

You really should try it
some time.

I highly recommend it.

I'll keep that in mind.

Somehow I get the impression
you're not here to talk
about the joys of fatherhood.

Sadly, no.

I'm afraid I'm going to have
to ask you

to turn over Elsbett Mossadim.

Who?

I know you mean well, Captain,

but this is
a very dangerous game

you're playing here.

And I suggest you concede.

I'll give you some time
to think about that.

Clearly,
you didn't realize
what you were promising.

Perhaps...

Elsbett is more trouble
than she's worth.

If we turn her over,
they'll kill her.
We all know that.

Don't surrender anything
while I'm gone, okay?

If you say so.

I should've asked
for six solar systems.

I'm gonna have to do something
about that lock.

I'm not going
to let you give me to them.

What makes you think
that I would do that?

It's what I would do
in your situation.

I gave my word to your pride.

My word is the foundation
of the Commonwealth.

I have never met anyone
who thought like that.

Probably because

the universe kills them
before they can reproduce.

Well, that's the curse
of being inferior.

It's not your fault.
You're only human.

Look, if you don't have faith
in this human's abilities,

you're more than welcome
to jump into a slip-fighter
and try your luck.

You won't make it,
but I'm sure your family has
a few daughters to spare.

So, I'll just go back
and pick up another one.

And what's your alternative?

You and your crew die trying
to protect me,
and I die anyway?

You are such a pessimist.

But you know,
it's not your fault.

You're only Nietzschean.

So why is it...

that whenever anyone goes on
a suicide mission,

they take my ship?

Because it has seatbelts.

Not to mention it's small,

it's maneuverable,

and Harper
just installed High Guard
ECM generators.

Really?
Yeah.

If you've finished
saying goodbye to your lover,

I'm ready to leave.

She is not my...
Oh,

why hide it?

Just remember.

He's pretty to look at,
lovely to hold,

but if you break him,
we consider him sold.

Take care, sweetie.

Cuchulain, we need your help!
Elsbett's taken hostages
on the hangar deck!

She's taking over
the entire ship!

She just broke into command!

They're following us.

Yeah, sucker.

Nice work, guys.

Shooting that gun
into the cam really sold it,

don't ya think?
Convinced me.

And it would appear
that Dylan has shaken
the Drago-Kasov.

Well, we should be safe
all the way

to the Jaguar homeworld.

I underestimated you, Captain.

Enough to change your opinion
about humans?

No. Enough to change
my opinion about you.

Your little maneuver
back there was worthy
of a Nietzschean.

Thank you.

So, Elsbett,

Nietzschean to Nietzschean,

you want to tell me
what you're carrying
in all these bags?

My bags?

Like this one, for example.
If I were to reach in here,
what do you think I'd find?

A makeup kit, maybe,
or your lipstick?

I mean, after all,
it is a wedding.

Huh.

Poisons.

Shurikans.
Gauss derringers.

Whatever happened
to something borrowed
and something blue?

It's not nice to go through
a woman's purse.

I almost forgot the highlight.

A pocket nuke.

Actually, a neutron bomb.

Oh. Just big enough

to kill everyone
in Pride Jaguar's
capital city.

But leave
the buildings intact.

How thoughtful.

Were you ever going to tell me
you're an assassin,

or was I supposed
to guess that

by the trail of dead bodies
at your wedding?

I'm taking you back
to the Sabra homeworld.

If you do, they'll kill me.

I hardly think...
You don't understand.

I've trained for this mission
since I was three.

If I return
without even starting,

outsmarted by a kludge.

A kludge?

I've never heard
humans referred
to any other way.

I'm sorry.

But on your ship,
I saw something different.

I saw a Nietzschean
and humans living together.

Even a Magog.

It made me question
what I'm doing.

It made me wonder if...

there wasn't somewhere else
I could go.

Unfortunately...

There isn't!

I don't think you'll shoot me.

Why not?

I'm the pilot.

I'll take my chances.

Effectors.

Have you seen my force lance?

She's very quick.

Don't forget your luggage.

You don't fight like a human.

You don't fight like a girl.

You certain you're not even
one fraction Nietzschean?

My forearms are very smooth.

Not genetically engineered.

Half.

My mother was
a heavy gravity worlder.

Well, that's something.
Just not enough.

Elsbett,

this has to stop.
I can't let you go
and kill all those people.

You don't have any choice.

And neither do I.

I hope that isn't
what it looks like.

Mono-molecular lash.

That's insane.

There's no way
to control one of those.

Watch me.

If you drop that,

it'll cut a hole right
through the ship.

If you're so worried,
stop dodging.

The bulkhead!

Help me!

Help me or we die!

Where's the patch kit?

Soldering wand
in front of you!

We can't get to Slipstream.

He's cornered us.
We're too deep inside
the Koba stellar nursery.

Cuchulain is sending us
a message.

The timecode shows
he's only eight minutes
behind us.

Put it through.
One way only.

No return data
until we're ready.

Elsbett.

You tricked some kludges.

Congratulations.

He still thinks
she's piloting.

In case you hadn't noticed,

we're herding you.

In about three hours,

you'll run up against
the orbital defense stations

around Strinberg's World.

Orbital stations?

Not good. I'm no match for
a planetary defense system.

Great.
Elsbett,

you can obviously
pilot their starship
quite well.

I suggest you use
the retro-thrusters.

Save yourself.

Cuchulain out.

What do we do?

He's given us three hours
to surrender.

That's three more hours
to lead him away from Dylan.

At least he's safe.

We stayed the breach.

We'll have to put in
at the next port
for repairs.

What the hell?
What is this?

Inertial restraints.

I figured that out.
Because I can't move.

Oh, you'll move just
as much as I want you to.

Oh, one more thing.

The inflictor.

Don't make me use it again.

I didn't make you use it
the first time.

Now take us to port.

But if you try and fly us

to the Dragons
or back to Sabra...

I'll take my chances
on my own.

Skivar Ten
customs inspection.

Identifications?

My name is Norda Threska.

And him?

He's a slave.
He doesn't need a name.

If anyone should ask
about my ship
while it's in repair,

tell them
it's a Than grub transport.

Well, it's ugly enough.

But that is not a true fact.

Now...

it's a true fact.

Yes.

Now it's a true fact.

Come.

You know, I don't...

know what they taught you
in assassin's school, but...

we're being hunted
by the Drago-Kasov

and you pick
the most expensive,

the most...

ostentatious, and...

the least...

defensible room
on this entire asteroid.

I just wanted
to be someplace nice.

Why are you doing this?

You can still go through
with the treaty.

-Just marry...
-Charlemagne Bolivar.

You think the Jaguar
arranged this marriage

because they believe
love conquers all?

They know we're stronger.

They know
we're ready to strike.

They arranged this to buy time

to prepare themselves
for the decisive battle.

So instead of
a few years of peace,

you want to start the war now.

By killing hundreds
of thousands
of innocent people.

Innocent people?

This is a blood feud.

A two hundred year old
blood feud.

There isn't a single Sabra
who hasn't had

a relative killed by a Jaguar.

Millions of people have died
in this stupid war,

and I'm going to end it
in one day.

By eliminating
the ruling Jaguar families,

I will destroy their will
to fight forever.

In the end,
I'll be saving lives.

The lives of
all the future generations

who won't have
to fight anymore.

So you see,

it is the perfect solution.

Except for one thing.

You'll be dead.

That's why
I wanted the good room.

Some Drago-Kasov fighters
are peeling away.

They're going in
for refueling.

Yes!

We won!

Hardly.

Oh, great. Reinforcements.

Fresh horses, Elsbett.

Getting tired yet?

How long until we reach
the line of defense stations?

Fourteen minutes, 37 seconds.

If this which he avouches
does appear,

there is no flying
hence nor tarrying here.

Nice.
You make that up yourself?

How many of those things
do you have?

My father gave this to me
for my tenth birthday.

He even had it inscribed.

"Be more than you seem."

How thoughtful.

A reminder to be treacherous.

You hate me, don't you?

Does it matter?

It shouldn't,

but somehow.

As soon as the ship
is repaired,

we'll be leaving here,

and I will go to my wedding
and all that follows.

So in all likelihood,
you are the last person

I'm going to spend
any amount of time with.

Elsbett, I don't hate you.

I just don't understand you.

We may be offshoots
of the same species, but...

our cultures are
just too different.

I was taught...

to try to do good,
even when there's evil
all around me, but you...

were taught to look innocent
even...

while you're planning
the deaths of everyone
around you.

I know there's a better way
to live than that,

but no matter how I try,
I can't seem to convince you.

Don't pity me.

When I complete my mission,

I would have done
what seven generations

of Sabra have failed to do.

Bring Pride Jaguar
to their knees.

I'll be remembered forever,

like Isis Khmer...

or Drago Museveni.

No.

Not like Drago Museveni.

Drago survived
to father nations, but...

when you die tomorrow,
your DNA dies with you.

No, it doesn't.

My ova were removed.

Why?

I am so highly regarded
as a fighter,

my eggs can't be wasted.

They'll be fertilized
and implanted

into lower ranking
Sabra women,

for the improvement
of the pride.

My god, what they've done
to you, Elsbett.

And
what they're making you do.

After the way
I've treated you,

how can you care
what happens to me?

I care because I'm human.

And despite
all the genetic engineering,

somewhere deep down inside,
so are you.

You just don't remember it.

I remember.

What are you doing?

I'm releasing you.

You can return to your ship.

Tell the Andromeda

to forget
about the Drago-Kasov.

This isn't your war.

And you'll just continue
with your mission.

On the Maru.

Or...

maybe I'll bribe the Perseid
for another ship.

It doesn't matter.

Please, just go.

Is that what you want?

No, that is the last thing
I want right now.

Then don't go through with it.

I have to do
what I have to do.

You may not believe this,

but the past few days
have been fun.

I've spent my whole life

training, practicing,
perfecting my skills.

I was too valuable
to be allowed much freedom.

So, I've never gone
anywhere before.

I've never done anything,
I have never...

spent time with someone...

I would consider a friend.

I'm sorry.

I never imagined.

You don't have to save me,
Captain.

You don't even
have to like me.

But please,

stay with me.

Even if it is just
for a little while.

Elsbett...

Please.

For just one night,

I'd like to pretend
I was only human.

What's it gonna be, Elsbett?

My fighters...

or the plasma cannons?

Your choice.

Unless you surrender.

Surrender. Surrender.

All his messages are the same.
He sounds like an evil parrot.

I can't believe
I'm gonna die at the hands
of converging red blips.

Wait a second.

I think you two might be
on to something.

Rommie, scan all
of Cuchulain's messages

for the background noise.

You don't think he...

I've lined up
all the messages
chronologically.

Look.
The oscillating variables

between those two's constant.
It's almost continuous.

Like they were recorded
within minutes of each other,

not hours.

And broadcast separately

to make it look like Cuchulain
was still chasing us.

You mean we've been running
from drones carrying,

I don't know, Footprint
Magnification Systems?

Decoys.

Andromeda, bring us about.
Hard 180.

I'm going to fly right back
through them.

What if they're not decoys?

When we get
to the pearly gates,

make sure everyone lines up
behind Rev.

You've got spin control.

I'll see what I can do.

Two seconds
until visual contact.

There!

Oh, man, they suckered us.
They totally suckered us.

At least we're through.

Which leaves one question.

Where's Cuchulain?

You must be joking.

The honeymoon suite?

Come.

So we're back to guns again.

I have to leave,
and I can't let you stop me.

You don't have to leave.

Of all people,
you don't have to do anything
that you don't want to do.

Here!

Let's go!

You're very good.

An M-Lash.

Now what?

Now, we head for
the Jaguar homeworld.

I'm late for my wedding.

They're a half light-second
behind and gaining.

Maybe we should work out
a compromise.

Like hell we should!

For 25 years
I've trained for this.

No one's going to stop me.

Yeah, not even me.

Cuchulain!
He's caught up!

What is it
that Nietzsche said?

God is dead.

Sometimes even atheists

get their prayers answered.

The Andromeda.

Your crew's brave.
Foolishly so.

I couldn't agree
with you more.

Andromeda, get out of here.

What?
What?

It's too hot.
Now, veer off.

Dylan!

That's an order, Beka.

Dylan, they'll kill you.

I said that's an order.

All right, compromise.

You keep doing
whatever you're doing,
but we'll stay here

and draw off as many
as we can.

Fine, just do it. Dylan out.

Your ship was our only hope.

I won't sacrifice them.

We're entering
the Pride Jaguar's
home system.

Maru, open up a comm. line
to broadcast on
all frequencies.

Comm. line open.

Jaguar home fleet,
this is Captain Dylan Hunt.

I have your future
Grand Duchess,

Elsbett Mossadim,
First Daughter
of the Sabra Pride.

We are under heavy attack
from the Drago-Kasov.
I repeat...

Nice try, Captain Hunt.

Cuchulain.

We have more than enough ships
to deal with the Jaguar,

and we can intercept you
long before you reach
their homeworld.

Assuming
that's where I'm going.

Hunt out.

You're vectoring away.

That is the general idea.

But Cuchulain
is still chasing us.

Yeah, but look
who's chasing Cuchulain.

Where are you going?

I have an idea.
Why don't we throw
our own little wedding party?

We've already invited
the Jaguars and Dragons.

Let's see who else wants
to come.

What are you talking about?
There's no one else out there.

Oh, isn't there?

You know, if I were planning
to blitzkrieg the Jaguars,

I'd already have my fleet
in position, you know.

Somewhere safe but,
inside the system.

Somewhere like, oh,
I don't know,
near a gas giant.

You're starting a war.
No.

You are starting a war.
I'm just rearranging
the sides.

Tell your pride
you're going to die,
and tell them

that their entire fleet
will be destroyed
if they don't help.

You're sure
you're not part Nietzschean?

Heh. I'm starting to wonder.

Sabra soldiers
of the Golden Light Battalion,

this is First Daughter
Elsbett Mossadim.

I am under attack
from Drago-Kasov.

Move to intercept.

I repeat. Move to intercept.

I hope they listen.

Of course they will.
Everyone likes a good party.

Look at that.

Bride's family on the left.

Incoming transmission.

Transmit.

You're clever, Captain,
but you haven't
really won anything.

We were going to have
to fight this war eventually,
anyway.

Yeah, but you weren't planning
on fighting it today,
now were you?

Have fun.

Hunt out.

There. If you want
to follow through

with your original plan,
be my guest.

Of course,
you'll be killing off
the only people

who can help
your pride survive the war

and, well,

not to mention
you'd be spoiling
a perfectly good alliance.

Or you could, you know,
marry Charlemagne Bolivar.

You know, join forces together
and give to the Drago-Kasov

a run for their money.
It's up to you.

It's too bad you're a human.

Hmm.

Well, I kinda like who I am.

So do I.

Very well, then, kludge.

Set a course
for the Jaguar homeworld.

My new husband awaits.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Well, it's good
to have you back.

It's good to be back.
Beka treat you well?

Fine. It's just...

she's not my captain.

Don't worry,
I won't be trading ships
with her any time soon.

Dylan,

you have a message
from Elsbett,

just beamed from
a courier ship.

It's about five days old.

Put it through.

It's marked private.

Rommie?

Leaving.

Captain Hunt,

I must congratulate you.

You started a war,
you ruined the plans
of the Sabra.

You're greatly hated,
and also respected

as someone
we can do business with.

Enkindu
and Schopenhauer systems

have been granted
their independence.

Very good.

The wedding was much nicer
than I anticipated,

and much quieter.

To be honest,

Charlemagne...

pleases me.

His decadence suits me.

I guess
I won't kill him today.

Or even tomorrow.

Or the next day...

we'll see how it goes.

I just wanted to let you know
that, so far,

your solution seems
to be the better one.

You're welcome.