Ana (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Episode #3.5 - full transcript

PRESENTS

LOCK-DOWN:

1. M. A PERIOD DURING WHICH
TWO INDIVIDUALS

WHO ARE MADLY IN LOVE
WITH EACH OTHER

VOLUNTARILY ISOLATE
TO FUCK A LOT.

"THE ONE IT'S CALLED:
SOON WILL BE TOO LATE"

"THE PAGE 14 OF THE KAMA SUTRA"

"THE I HAVEN'T BATHED
IN THREE DAYS"

"THE FATAL ATTRACTION"

"THE PIZZA BREAK"

Okay.



My mom says that
when a woman turns 40...

Orange juice!

Expired.

2006?

HOARDERS

When I entered,
it was like an explosion.

I couldn't
believe my eyes.

There were objects
all over the floor

and I could smell a stench,
as if something

were rotting
underneath all that.

Okay, now stop procrastinating
and start writing.

I can't do it!

NIGHTSTICK

Hi.



Hey, good morning.

You cleaned up, right?

Cool.

I've got these new pots
I didn't even know you had.

Surprise!

You know,

I wanted to surprise you
before you woke up,

with some signature eggs
I make that are delicious.

Yum!

Yeah, but I can't find
my favorite frying pans.

Have you seen them?

I threw them away.

They were all burnt up.

But they were
my favorite frying pans.

And what I liked
about those pans

is that they were burnt.

And I like them burnt

because that's what gives
the food its flavor.

I just want you
to understand.

Look.

Everything is
perfectly arranged.

And I fixed
all Squirrel's Tupperware

so you can find all the covers,

because they were
all over the place.

-Just one very important thing.
-Okay.

This is fine, no problem.

There was some cereal here,
have you seen it anywhere?

Yes, but it had expired.

And what did you do with it?

It had gone soft.

So what?

I like my cereal that way.

Okay.

Why?

Because when it expires,

it gets fluffy
and I like it

when it's fluffy, okay?

It's softer,
it tastes better, it...

Never mind.

Let go, right?

-Would you like some coffee?
-Yes, thanks.

Yeah, we'll have coffee
instead of my favorite cereal.

It's all good.

Where's that coffee?

I put it in the drawer
back there.

Right.

In the back.

Behind the juicer.

I'm sorry, it's just that,
you know,

I'm not the tidiest person
in the world, but...

The hoarding was really
getting on my nerves.

I wanted to study
and I needed some peace of mind.

Don't worry, it's fine, really.

It's fine, see? I'm fine.

I just want you
to understand...

And I'm saying this
out of love, okay?

I want you to understand
that I like my mess

because I know
where my things are, okay?

Okay.
I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

-Don't worry.
-Sorry.

You're starting to act
like Nena.

This kitchen needed
a good fixing-up.

How about we eat out?

-Yes, please.
-Yeah, better that way.

-What are you ordering?
-Are you done with the menu?

Hi, guys, welcome.

-Are you guys ready?
-Yes.

No.

Go first.

I'll have
the Kobe beef...

burger, please.

Perfect choice.
No fries, right?

-Fries.
-Yes, fries?

-Yes, fries.
-Okay.

-And jalapeños, please.
-Jalapeños also.

For you, sir?

Same, same for me.

Same. You got it.

Thank you.

Nice outfits.

Oh, my God, thank you.

What the hell?

Cool.

Hey.

How long had it been
since you'd been with a woman?

Okay.

A long time, why?

I don't know,
I was just wondering

if it was really different,
or what you liked more.

Liked more
when comparing what?

Cock and pussy.

When comparing...

I hear that men
are the best

at blow jobs.

Okay, let me tell you,

it's just a stereotype.

-Really?
-Yes.

Are you worried?

Or are you curious?

Well, both.

Neither.

I just wanted to know
if you...

Sorry, guys.
Just leaving this, gone.

I wanted to know
what you liked more in bed.

I thought we were doing
some deep field research.

Yeah.

Listen,

all I want right now
is to keep exploring you.

You're yummy.

And the past is in the past,

what matters is what
you and I have now.

It's very easy to say, but

I'd actually like to know...

Okay, and here's some food
for the hungry couple.

What are you worried about?

Because it's cool to talk
about what we like in bed.

Yeah.

But about life too.
So what's the matter?

Honestly?

Aside from you leaving me
for a waiter?

That you and my mom
won't get along.

That's what really scares me.

I honestly don't care
if your mom

approves of me or not.

Whatever.
You shouldn't care either.

And fries. So...

How long have you two
been married?

-Married?
-Yeah.

Every couple that comes here
and talks about the "mamá"

is married.

Goddamned, we sound
like we've been married

for 50 years.

-Okay. French fries?
-Yeah.

I'll put some mustard on them
to make them tastier.

No, no!
I don't like mustard, I'm sorry.

Why don't we split them?
We'll split them like this.

Ana!

Where's Papasito?

Hello, hello!

There you are!

I brought you a present.

Really?

Yes, but you have
to close your eyes.

-Squirrel's hiding!
-Squirrel's hiding!

Let's see the surprise!

-Close your eyes.
-I'll close my eyes.

What's the surprise?

No! My cereal!

Yeah, I looked for the oldest one
at the store

so it would expire soon.
So they'd be

as fluffy as possible.

Awesome!
That's so cool.

-Hey.
-Yeah?

While I was buying the cereal...

-Yeah?
-I felt inspired.

To do what, write?

No.

To get you and Nena
to have good chemistry.

To connect.

Really.

It won't be easy,

but I know my plan won't fail.

Look, I promise that
I'll do everything I can

to make it happen.

I know.

-Squirrel's going to jump.
-Squirrel's going to jump.

I'm going to go

shopping with my daughter.

-Well, enjoy.
-You understood.

I'm going to miss you,

my little peach!

No, no, no...

-Ready, Mom?
-Honey, yes, I was just...

-Hi.
-Hi, Charles.

Good book, right?

CHAPTER 1
SQUIRTISM

CHAPTER 4
LIQUID PLEASURE

CHAPTER 7
OPENING THE DAM

Yes, very good.

Your friend's taking us?

He's not taking us, Mom.
He's coming with us.

He's coming with me.

Didn't you have
another boyfriend last week?

Yes, I did.

Hey,

please try to make friends
with my mom, okay?

Fashion is something
you have in common

and I think she'll like it
if you talked to her about that.

Are you scared to?

Hi.

I'm a big fan of yours
on social media.

-No...
-Yes, yes.

Yes, in fact, I noticed

that you really like
animal print

and I think this
could look spectacular on you.

It's plus size.

What are you trying
to tell me with this?

-Nothing.
-I know what fits me.

But I just thought
that was your...

-What's going on?
-Scared?

I know.

You think I'm scared.

You think your mom
would like this?

-What? What are you doing?
-Let me try this on.

Excuse me!
Excuse me!

These employees
are never around

when you most need them.

Where's your friend?

He's my boyfriend, Mom.

He went to the bathroom.

Better, then. Between us...

which is better?

-Take either, really.
-The animal print one!

What's that?
Are you okay?

You have
an upset stomach again, right?

-Yeah, a bit.
-Okay, one second.

I'll pick something nice.

Alright!

Hi. I'm taking all of this.

Is the black one on sale?

This is 50 percent off.

Is it?

Look, Mom.
Look what I got you.

-It's beautiful!
-It's your style, Mom.

That one's nice too.
That one's for you.

There's a lot to celebrate,

the play is going to have
its closing night.

You're coming, right?
It's this weekend.

What about the Airbnb?
Who's going to take care of that?

Mom, I had already
told you about it.

If it were the red carpet,

you'd be getting
on the plane already.

You know I support
everything you do, honey.

Everything?

I think the future
has better plans for you, honey.

Yeah?

Right now, that means
going to Mexico with Papasito.

Okay.

Papasito! Papasito!
Papasito! Papasito!

One of these days
I'm coming out

One of these days
I'm going to leave

One of these days
I will grow up

I'll reach the stars
And never come back

Every morning
I look out the window

I look in the mirror
And I'm full of gray hairs

Cupid is gone
He is tired

I guess in terms of love
I'm a veteran

Ana

Where do you think
I got my talent?

Honestly, wow.

What a beautiful play.
I had a great time.

-It's good, right?
-Amazing.

Hi, Ana.
I work for Grafos Libres.

I just wanted to tell you
that your abject art performance

in the confessional
was superb.

Were you inspired
by Piero Manzoni?

No, I was inspired

by a witchdoctor in Catemaco.

You're going to shit well

when you stop
holding in your farts.

So avant-garde. It was...

subjugating.

Congratulations.

Wow.

Now you're a complete
and subjugating artist.

It's good.

People are very intense.

Well, it looks like our play

has become a popular event
thanks to you.

Yes?

Shakespeare did
popular theater too.

-Congratulations.
-Thanks.

Thanks.
Thanks for your discretion.

Always.

Thank you!

Thanks for coming!

I'm so proud of you.

You're spectacular,
you're spectacular,

you're spectacular together!

I love them both.

Hey, this is my creation.

Well, our creation.
You should be thankful.

Motiteeee!

Excuse me, I'm such a big fan!

I'm such a fan.

Your interpretation
in "Virginia" reminded me

of Irma Raush
when she worked with Tarkovsky.

Yeah! I loved wearing Swarovski!

A picture!

-I'll take it.
-Come on.

I'll take it.

Over here.

-Ready?
-Yes.

Smile!

ANA'S NOT FUCKING UP ANYMORE!
THE ACTRESS IS VINDICATED

THEATER TODAY

A PERFECT CLOSING
FOR "THE HOUSE OF BERNARDA ALBA"

SCOOPS AND SERIES

ANA SHINES AT THE THEATER
AS IT HAPPENED!

ANA AND HER FAMILY ENJOYING
THE FRUITS OF HER SUCCESS

STANDING OVATION

SHE ALSO SAYS THAT,
WHEN I WAS BORN, A GROUP OF...

TAKE CALL

GYNECOLOGY STUDENTS

WATCHED THE BIRTH...

Hi.

Hey, darling.

Darling?

Finally, you answered.

J.D. Daniels loved your work
in "White Mirror"

and just offered you a part
in "Diabolical."

"Diabolical"?

That Network show?

You'd have a steady job
for three straight years, baby!

Can you believe it?

Baby?

The amount of stupid men
we have to put up with.

No?

Well, you better.

I need you to get
your butt to L.A. right away.

Ana,

this is everything
we fucking ever dreamed of.

Okay...

Let me think about it
and I'll call you back, okay?

Okay.
Enjoy your enchiladas.

I always knew
you were going to make it.

Shut up.

Okay, bye.

They all take cheese,

that's why
they're called quesadillas.

Are they good, or what?

I feel like things
are going too well, you know?

It's weird.
Maybe I'm crazy.

But be specific.
Better than this bud?

Tlacoyo!

Tlacoyo, that's right.

-Want some pozole?
-Pozole? Sure.

Here's the money.
Thanks.

-Pozole!
-Two, please.

That's what I was saying,
I feel like things

are going too well.

My mom met someone,
you, the theater, the part.

The part you were offered
in Hollywood?

Or your project?

See?
That's why I hang out with you.

-Mary!
-Mary!

Yum!

You can't do both things?

Can I have a penis
one too, to go? Thanks.

I feel like I have
to focus more,

you know?
Yum, with milk!

So you need more time?

It's not about time.

It's about feeling centered.

And I know I can't do that
here or in L.A.

Maybe your roots
are calling you?

Wanna join?

A joint? Yes, please.

I mean join me for a churro
with dulce de leche.

You haven't tried those yet.

Dulce de leche?

You know what?

I think it would be nice
to go to Veracruz.

And connect with that part
of my history.

Would you come with me?

I'd love to,
but I still have a lot of things

to do music-wise.

Can I have two
with milk jelly, please?

Thank you.

Perfect, here's the money.
Thanks.

Thanks!
Bye.

Just teasing you.
Of course,

how could I miss the chance

to go to the promised land?

Ice cream!

Ice cream?

VERACRUZ
THE PRETTIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD

ESPECIALLY WITH PAPASITO

What do you want to do?

We can try the ice cream
at Güero-Güero,

I can take you
to the parish cafe.

I can take you to El Negro,
to San Juan de Ulúa.

Do you know San Juan de Ulúa?

You start talking
like a Jarocha

when you're in your hometown.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-You didn't notice that?
-No.

Come on, what do you want to do?

Honestly? What I'd like to do

is just get out of the car
and walk around with you

in your hometown.

-Let's go.
-Yeah?

Stretch our legs a bit.

This is why I like convertibles.

Why?

Because you don't have
to open the door.

Didn't you see that?

No, what did you do?

Did you jump out of the car
like in "The Dukes of Hazzard"?

OLD LADY COMMENT

Strange, isn't it?

What of all things?

Walking hand in hand.

What do you mean?

Friends with benefits
don't walk hand in hand?

So now we're friends
with benefits?

I don't know.

Does it really matter?

No, what does it matter
which drawer

you put your belt in?

Exactly,
that's the way it works.

You know, the other day,
when we were doing

the fashion emergency
with my mom...

I bought you this.

No! I can't believe it!

What?

Look at this!

-The love pipe!
-The love pipe!

Smoke it, smoke it!

What happens?

The other day,
when I said I was scared

you wouldn't get along
with my mom,

I was actually scared
that you'd...

stop being my best friend.

Ana.

I'm right here.

And this is where
I want to be.

You?

Me too.

In your eyes I could see
The light shining in the sea

A reflection of the sky
In your hair from up high

-Where is it?
-I don't know. Here.

In your laugh I found
World peace at last

Darkness faded into the past

I want to be the one
To wake up next to you

Mom, what are you
doing here?

Honey, you're going to be
Carnival Queen!

POWERFUL PUSSY
OPENING THE DAM

I want to be the music

TO MY REAL FAMILY

That takes me to you

Hi, how are you?

I'm David Palacio.

I'm 29 years old
and I'm auditioning

for the role of Papasito.

Lights!

Action!

I discovered I have a pot.

I have these new pots
I didn't know I had.

Surprise!

Yeah, but I can't find
my favorite frying pans.

I threw them away.

What do you mean
you threw them away?

Why did you throw them away?

They were all burnt up.

Okay, but I always fry
my eggs there

because I like

them burnt
because that's what gives

the food its flavor.

What about the cereal?

Have you seen it?

But it had expired.

It doesn't matter.

It's fine.

Let go, right?

The music that takes me

To you

To the south

To Veracruz

Okay, okay!

Everyone put your hands
in the air!

Papasito! Papasito!

Papasito! Papasito!

It's good, isn't it?

Damn, I made a mess.

Cut.

He's just bullshitting.