Ana (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Veterana - full transcript
PRESENTS
Onda Mex 40.2, we tune you in.
Imagine 40 reasons
to be happy.
Forty reasons
to go out on the street
and shout for joy.
Women become invisible
at the age of 40.
Invisible at the age of 40.
No!
VETERAN
ANA
Your mom sends you
this cake.
And this candle is from me.
"THE CANDLE"
Happy 40th, Madam!
Madam, Madam
Don't think of retiring
Madam
It's not too late to love
Madam
You can give all your love
Madam
Madam
Aaahh!
Madam
Love can thrive in your skin
Madam,
Don't give up hope, Madam
You can give all your love
Madam
Madam
As the years go by
You get more beautiful
A mature beauty
Is all the lovelier
Madam
Regadera!
Regadera!
Madam, you look so pretty
No way, man!
You're amazing!
I'll be right up, Regadera!
Fuck!
Hold it!
Second floor. Sorry.
I'm not feeling well.
What are you doing?
Quique, come here.
Two men are coming!
Talk to the first,
while I distract the second.
Yeah...
But which is the first?
Regadera!
-Hi!
-Surprise!
-Thanks!
-The four-decade lady!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
Excuse me.
Hey, age is all in your mind.
You still have the body...
of a 37 year-old,
or a 36 year-old.
Dummy!
Did you order room service?
No.
Happy birthday.
What the hell?
Well...
I know this is a bit
hetero-patriarchal of me,
but can you bring us
some cocktails
to celebrate
with the birthday girl?
You can keep the change.
-Two "Sex on the Beach".
-Yeah.
Now that we're indulging
in clichés.
Nice orchids!
Who gave them to you, a fan?
Yeah... Surprise!
You hired a little lesbian?
-A what?
-No, she's...
Happy birthday! Bathroom?
-Come in.
-I drank the tap water.
I tried to stop the second,
but he's sick.
I know.
Lend me this. Thanks.
I can explain everything.
Who's the gringo?
Why are there two bellboys?
I'm not a bellboy, girl.
False alarm!
Honey!
What is this?
Who are they?
And who is she?
There's two?
No, three.
-Three?
-Yeah...
Three what?
What are we talking about?
I think I'm missing something.
Yeah, look...
Have a seat. Yeah.
Relax, okay?
Relax, sit down.
-Please.
-Hi. How are you?
There's been a mix-up.
So, well, as you know,
we're all looking
for the perfect partner.
But I've been realizing
that it doesn't exist.
You can't judge someone
for searching, right?
What are you talking about?
Check, Chic, Chock.
What's that?
Check is... Check, you know?
What? Money?
Not just money,
but knowing how to use it.
It's a little complex.
And Chic is worldliness. Variety.
This girl is variety.
-Girl?
-She's Chock. I mean, Chock.
Sex. Super good sex.
Great sex. The best.
Let me get this straight.
Money, worldliness
and good sex?
The perfect relationship.
Don't you think?
Okay. I can understand diversity...
and polyamory...
because I taught you that.
But I won't allow you to label me.
I mean, Check, Chic, Chock?
What nonsense is that?
-How old are you?
-Forty. Tell her.
-Gentlemen.
-Chock!
-No.
-Fine.
-Check...
-No, no, no.
Don't you dare call me that.
Don't you dare.
I mean...!
Say it.
I'm obviously Chock too.
Right, obviously. Chock.
I'm sorry.
And I'm Chic.
Okay...
-Finally!
-Yeah.
-I need just a second.
-Yeah.
I told you, honey.
The perfect man doesn't exist.
I'll be right back!
Yeah. You can turn
the music up loud.
Sure.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...
Ana!
Sorry, I have to go!
No, wait! Motita! Come here.
Ana, I want to tell you
something. Hey, Motita!
No, no.
-Are you okay?
-No.
Give me some room.
What? What?
No way, gross!
What is it?
Nothing. You dropped something,
but it's okay.
-What?
-Why don't you go to the hospital?
-But where's Motita?
-Who?
Motita! My doggy!
-I don't know.
-Find her, please!
I'll go get her.
Okay. Is she gone?
-I don't know!
-I'll go get her.
-She doesn't like being alone.
-You go to the hospital.
-Get her!
-Okay.
Gross!
I touched her tooth.
Excuse me, please
follow that doggy.
-Right.
-No, wait, take me with you!
Get on.
-Ready?
-Yeah.
Motita!
Motita!
Motita.
What's the matter?
My ten minutes are up.
No!
-Thanks!
-You're welcome.
Motita.
Motita.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Motita!
You'll scare my baby.
Excuse me, but you
just found this dog.
No, no, no.
She's my lifelong friend.
My baby. And so is she.
I'll pay you.
Love can't be bought.
I have 2000.
Come on, baby.
Come on, Motita.
You'll have a better
life with the princess.
Come on.
I found her!
-That's not Motita.
-What?
Motita has a pearl necklace, she
smells like ginger and coconut
and she has a spot on her butt.
-Where?
-On her anus.
Okay, I'll go back.
Come on.
Fuck it!
Excuse me.
Have you seen a doggy
with a spot on her anus?
-A what?
-A little spot on her anus?
Have you seen a doggy
with a spot on her anus?
No.
-Can I see your doggy?
-Sure.
Thanks.
No. It's not her.
Excuse me.
Motita!
Motita!
No way!
I know you!
Yeah?
-You're the dog-eater!
-The what?
-The dog-eater.
-No, it's Marisela.
-No, it's the dog-eater.
-No, I don't...
I don't want you
to eat my dog!
I've never eaten a dog.
You're mistaken.
Stop it! Stop!
-Do you know Latintuber?
-Yes!
Do you know her dog,
Motita?
Yes, we love her!
Perfect. You know what?
-She got lost.
-No!
Yes, and I'm helping her find her.
-She has a spot on her butt.
-Yeah.
-Right on her anus.
-Exactly.
Okay, how about being
heroes for a day
and helping me find her?
Yay!
Okay, come on. Let's go.
Go on, run.
-Hey.
-Run, run!
You're good with kids.
Don't you want to have your own?
Go find the dog.
There she is!
-What?
-I found her!
Motita?
-See who that is?
-Yeah, record her.
See who it is?
Latintuber, Latintuber!
Let her go!
Hey, didn't I ask you
to go to the hospital?
What? She asked you to go
to the hospital?
Leave her alone. I didn't
send her to the hospital.
Hey, we're in the park
and ran into Latintuber
and the dog-eater, look at what
she did to her.
Let her go, kids.
Let her walk.
She's bruised,
it seems she hit her.
Shameful!
-Anita, I came running!
-Miss Ana...
Leave us alone.
Ana!
Happy birthday!
Ah! Ah!
Are you okay?
Ah! Ah!
-Motita. Where's Motita?
-She's eating.
Take her to the operating room
immediately.
She just has a bruise
on her mouth.
She's a super celebrity!
We have to be careful!
She lost a tooth.
Here it is.
-Let me see.
-Here.
It's a corn kernel.
-Anyone know who brought her?
-Me!
I think she came alone,
doctor.
How brave, girl!
Sorry, Madam.
I didn't see you.
Women become invisible at 40.
What a good dog,
you behave so well.
She's a vegan.
Are the biscuits vegan?
She's very picky about her diet.
No!
Excuse me.
I was just saying.
Mommy.
Did you like the cake?
I didn't call because
I didn't want to bother.
Since everything
bothers you these days...
No, Ma, you never bother me.
Happy birthday, honey.
Thanks.
Ana, don't leave me here.
Okay.
Ana, you know
Mexicans miss you
and that's why you should
come work here again.
Aaah!
Are you crying?
Is it because you're 40?
Look.
Honey, remember 40
is the new 20.
Even the new 15.
Open the door,
you'll see what I...
Can't a man take a
peacefull shit around here?
Oh, girl!
Just look what they
did to you.
I can't move my mouth.
You're missing a tooth.
I know, it's awful.
No, but you know what?
You look super cool.
I would like you,
even if...
you got hit by a truck.
Hey, tell me something.
Was it Ana?
Of course not. She helped me.
Come here, honey.
Come here. I'll take this off.
What are you doing?
Well...
Well... they're showing love.
Haven't you ever seen
someone show love before?
And plus,
what are this hospital's
privacy policies?
Because I imagine that
a closed door
means you have to knock.
Don't you think?
Especially when there's
a super celebrity inside.
And who are you?
I...
am...
her mom.
I'm sorry, Madam.
-I'm sorry.
-Please close the door.
Yes, of course.
My apologies.
Thank you, Madam.
Ana...
you're my hero.
She's been your biggest fan
her whole life.
Okay.
She even knows your birthday,
and that's why she went
to see you today.
I can't believe it.
Happy birthday!
Thanks.
Listen, girl.
Look what I brought you.
I love you.
We understand each other.
Nice to meet you..
-Bye.
-Bye.
Thanks, see you.
Good evening.
-Hey!
-Hi!
Surprise!
-Thanks, sis.
-Happy birthday!
Where is everyone?
How are you?
-Thanks.
-Are you invisible now?
Yeah, it's official.
Feels good, doesn't it?
It really does.
Is that why you look
so shabby?
Did you just
jump through a wall?
I'm exhausted.
It was a long day.
I see that. Hey, the surprise
is that I uninvited everyone.
-Really?
-And saved you some cake.
You made it?
Yes, you did.
Bite, bite...
Sis, I'll call a cab.
You look tired.
I can walk home.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, I'm sure.
You?
At this time? Alone?
Nobody can see me
anymore.
Dad left you a gift.
Wait, wait.
It's cute.
-Thanks, it's adorable.
-Happy birthday!
Thanks, sis.
Hey, be careful. It's not safe.
Yeah, don't worry.
Okay?
-Love you, sis!
-Love you too, thanks.
Happy 40th!
I never knew you could bake.
Bye, thanks.
-Bye, sis.
-Bye.
Hey, I thought of you all day.
And wrote you this.
I'm here to sing
To sing this lovely song,
Fantastic Anita
Fantastic Anita, in my heart
In my heart, in my heart
I come to sing
To sing to you tonight
About happy honesty
Wishing you freedom always
Freedom
And fashion, always fashion
Always fashion
Happy birthday,
fantastic Anita.
We have prostates
that can ejaculate.
I'm the goddess, the seashell.
We touch each other.
I kissed her down there.
Open your world,
open your mind, your legs.
Lose control, lose control.
What would make you happy?
This is going down into the well.
Better than smoking weed.
All women can ejaculate.
One of these days
I'm getting out
TO MY REAL FAMILY
One of these days
I'm leaving here
One of these days
I'll grow
I'll go to the stars
And never come back
Every morning
I look out the window
I look in the mirror
And have more grey hairs
Cupid is gone
He's given up
Because, in love
I am a veteran
Ana
I'm from Veracruz
I live in Los Angeles
But I'm Mexican
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY,
PLEASE DON'T TELL MY MOM.
Onda Mex 40.2, we tune you in.
Imagine 40 reasons
to be happy.
Forty reasons
to go out on the street
and shout for joy.
Women become invisible
at the age of 40.
Invisible at the age of 40.
No!
VETERAN
ANA
Your mom sends you
this cake.
And this candle is from me.
"THE CANDLE"
Happy 40th, Madam!
Madam, Madam
Don't think of retiring
Madam
It's not too late to love
Madam
You can give all your love
Madam
Madam
Aaahh!
Madam
Love can thrive in your skin
Madam,
Don't give up hope, Madam
You can give all your love
Madam
Madam
As the years go by
You get more beautiful
A mature beauty
Is all the lovelier
Madam
Regadera!
Regadera!
Madam, you look so pretty
No way, man!
You're amazing!
I'll be right up, Regadera!
Fuck!
Hold it!
Second floor. Sorry.
I'm not feeling well.
What are you doing?
Quique, come here.
Two men are coming!
Talk to the first,
while I distract the second.
Yeah...
But which is the first?
Regadera!
-Hi!
-Surprise!
-Thanks!
-The four-decade lady!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
Excuse me.
Hey, age is all in your mind.
You still have the body...
of a 37 year-old,
or a 36 year-old.
Dummy!
Did you order room service?
No.
Happy birthday.
What the hell?
Well...
I know this is a bit
hetero-patriarchal of me,
but can you bring us
some cocktails
to celebrate
with the birthday girl?
You can keep the change.
-Two "Sex on the Beach".
-Yeah.
Now that we're indulging
in clichés.
Nice orchids!
Who gave them to you, a fan?
Yeah... Surprise!
You hired a little lesbian?
-A what?
-No, she's...
Happy birthday! Bathroom?
-Come in.
-I drank the tap water.
I tried to stop the second,
but he's sick.
I know.
Lend me this. Thanks.
I can explain everything.
Who's the gringo?
Why are there two bellboys?
I'm not a bellboy, girl.
False alarm!
Honey!
What is this?
Who are they?
And who is she?
There's two?
No, three.
-Three?
-Yeah...
Three what?
What are we talking about?
I think I'm missing something.
Yeah, look...
Have a seat. Yeah.
Relax, okay?
Relax, sit down.
-Please.
-Hi. How are you?
There's been a mix-up.
So, well, as you know,
we're all looking
for the perfect partner.
But I've been realizing
that it doesn't exist.
You can't judge someone
for searching, right?
What are you talking about?
Check, Chic, Chock.
What's that?
Check is... Check, you know?
What? Money?
Not just money,
but knowing how to use it.
It's a little complex.
And Chic is worldliness. Variety.
This girl is variety.
-Girl?
-She's Chock. I mean, Chock.
Sex. Super good sex.
Great sex. The best.
Let me get this straight.
Money, worldliness
and good sex?
The perfect relationship.
Don't you think?
Okay. I can understand diversity...
and polyamory...
because I taught you that.
But I won't allow you to label me.
I mean, Check, Chic, Chock?
What nonsense is that?
-How old are you?
-Forty. Tell her.
-Gentlemen.
-Chock!
-No.
-Fine.
-Check...
-No, no, no.
Don't you dare call me that.
Don't you dare.
I mean...!
Say it.
I'm obviously Chock too.
Right, obviously. Chock.
I'm sorry.
And I'm Chic.
Okay...
-Finally!
-Yeah.
-I need just a second.
-Yeah.
I told you, honey.
The perfect man doesn't exist.
I'll be right back!
Yeah. You can turn
the music up loud.
Sure.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...
Ana!
Sorry, I have to go!
No, wait! Motita! Come here.
Ana, I want to tell you
something. Hey, Motita!
No, no.
-Are you okay?
-No.
Give me some room.
What? What?
No way, gross!
What is it?
Nothing. You dropped something,
but it's okay.
-What?
-Why don't you go to the hospital?
-But where's Motita?
-Who?
Motita! My doggy!
-I don't know.
-Find her, please!
I'll go get her.
Okay. Is she gone?
-I don't know!
-I'll go get her.
-She doesn't like being alone.
-You go to the hospital.
-Get her!
-Okay.
Gross!
I touched her tooth.
Excuse me, please
follow that doggy.
-Right.
-No, wait, take me with you!
Get on.
-Ready?
-Yeah.
Motita!
Motita!
Motita.
What's the matter?
My ten minutes are up.
No!
-Thanks!
-You're welcome.
Motita.
Motita.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Motita!
You'll scare my baby.
Excuse me, but you
just found this dog.
No, no, no.
She's my lifelong friend.
My baby. And so is she.
I'll pay you.
Love can't be bought.
I have 2000.
Come on, baby.
Come on, Motita.
You'll have a better
life with the princess.
Come on.
I found her!
-That's not Motita.
-What?
Motita has a pearl necklace, she
smells like ginger and coconut
and she has a spot on her butt.
-Where?
-On her anus.
Okay, I'll go back.
Come on.
Fuck it!
Excuse me.
Have you seen a doggy
with a spot on her anus?
-A what?
-A little spot on her anus?
Have you seen a doggy
with a spot on her anus?
No.
-Can I see your doggy?
-Sure.
Thanks.
No. It's not her.
Excuse me.
Motita!
Motita!
No way!
I know you!
Yeah?
-You're the dog-eater!
-The what?
-The dog-eater.
-No, it's Marisela.
-No, it's the dog-eater.
-No, I don't...
I don't want you
to eat my dog!
I've never eaten a dog.
You're mistaken.
Stop it! Stop!
-Do you know Latintuber?
-Yes!
Do you know her dog,
Motita?
Yes, we love her!
Perfect. You know what?
-She got lost.
-No!
Yes, and I'm helping her find her.
-She has a spot on her butt.
-Yeah.
-Right on her anus.
-Exactly.
Okay, how about being
heroes for a day
and helping me find her?
Yay!
Okay, come on. Let's go.
Go on, run.
-Hey.
-Run, run!
You're good with kids.
Don't you want to have your own?
Go find the dog.
There she is!
-What?
-I found her!
Motita?
-See who that is?
-Yeah, record her.
See who it is?
Latintuber, Latintuber!
Let her go!
Hey, didn't I ask you
to go to the hospital?
What? She asked you to go
to the hospital?
Leave her alone. I didn't
send her to the hospital.
Hey, we're in the park
and ran into Latintuber
and the dog-eater, look at what
she did to her.
Let her go, kids.
Let her walk.
She's bruised,
it seems she hit her.
Shameful!
-Anita, I came running!
-Miss Ana...
Leave us alone.
Ana!
Happy birthday!
Ah! Ah!
Are you okay?
Ah! Ah!
-Motita. Where's Motita?
-She's eating.
Take her to the operating room
immediately.
She just has a bruise
on her mouth.
She's a super celebrity!
We have to be careful!
She lost a tooth.
Here it is.
-Let me see.
-Here.
It's a corn kernel.
-Anyone know who brought her?
-Me!
I think she came alone,
doctor.
How brave, girl!
Sorry, Madam.
I didn't see you.
Women become invisible at 40.
What a good dog,
you behave so well.
She's a vegan.
Are the biscuits vegan?
She's very picky about her diet.
No!
Excuse me.
I was just saying.
Mommy.
Did you like the cake?
I didn't call because
I didn't want to bother.
Since everything
bothers you these days...
No, Ma, you never bother me.
Happy birthday, honey.
Thanks.
Ana, don't leave me here.
Okay.
Ana, you know
Mexicans miss you
and that's why you should
come work here again.
Aaah!
Are you crying?
Is it because you're 40?
Look.
Honey, remember 40
is the new 20.
Even the new 15.
Open the door,
you'll see what I...
Can't a man take a
peacefull shit around here?
Oh, girl!
Just look what they
did to you.
I can't move my mouth.
You're missing a tooth.
I know, it's awful.
No, but you know what?
You look super cool.
I would like you,
even if...
you got hit by a truck.
Hey, tell me something.
Was it Ana?
Of course not. She helped me.
Come here, honey.
Come here. I'll take this off.
What are you doing?
Well...
Well... they're showing love.
Haven't you ever seen
someone show love before?
And plus,
what are this hospital's
privacy policies?
Because I imagine that
a closed door
means you have to knock.
Don't you think?
Especially when there's
a super celebrity inside.
And who are you?
I...
am...
her mom.
I'm sorry, Madam.
-I'm sorry.
-Please close the door.
Yes, of course.
My apologies.
Thank you, Madam.
Ana...
you're my hero.
She's been your biggest fan
her whole life.
Okay.
She even knows your birthday,
and that's why she went
to see you today.
I can't believe it.
Happy birthday!
Thanks.
Listen, girl.
Look what I brought you.
I love you.
We understand each other.
Nice to meet you..
-Bye.
-Bye.
Thanks, see you.
Good evening.
-Hey!
-Hi!
Surprise!
-Thanks, sis.
-Happy birthday!
Where is everyone?
How are you?
-Thanks.
-Are you invisible now?
Yeah, it's official.
Feels good, doesn't it?
It really does.
Is that why you look
so shabby?
Did you just
jump through a wall?
I'm exhausted.
It was a long day.
I see that. Hey, the surprise
is that I uninvited everyone.
-Really?
-And saved you some cake.
You made it?
Yes, you did.
Bite, bite...
Sis, I'll call a cab.
You look tired.
I can walk home.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, I'm sure.
You?
At this time? Alone?
Nobody can see me
anymore.
Dad left you a gift.
Wait, wait.
It's cute.
-Thanks, it's adorable.
-Happy birthday!
Thanks, sis.
Hey, be careful. It's not safe.
Yeah, don't worry.
Okay?
-Love you, sis!
-Love you too, thanks.
Happy 40th!
I never knew you could bake.
Bye, thanks.
-Bye, sis.
-Bye.
Hey, I thought of you all day.
And wrote you this.
I'm here to sing
To sing this lovely song,
Fantastic Anita
Fantastic Anita, in my heart
In my heart, in my heart
I come to sing
To sing to you tonight
About happy honesty
Wishing you freedom always
Freedom
And fashion, always fashion
Always fashion
Happy birthday,
fantastic Anita.
We have prostates
that can ejaculate.
I'm the goddess, the seashell.
We touch each other.
I kissed her down there.
Open your world,
open your mind, your legs.
Lose control, lose control.
What would make you happy?
This is going down into the well.
Better than smoking weed.
All women can ejaculate.
One of these days
I'm getting out
TO MY REAL FAMILY
One of these days
I'm leaving here
One of these days
I'll grow
I'll go to the stars
And never come back
Every morning
I look out the window
I look in the mirror
And have more grey hairs
Cupid is gone
He's given up
Because, in love
I am a veteran
Ana
I'm from Veracruz
I live in Los Angeles
But I'm Mexican
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY,
PLEASE DON'T TELL MY MOM.