An Idiot Abroad (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 7 - Peru - full transcript

The seven wonders of the world...

Christ the Redeemer...

The Taj Mahal...

The great pyramids...

truly man's
greatest achievements.

But there's one man
who sees them differently.

If that was on my road,
the council would be on it.

They'd go, "Get that down.
It's a death trap."

Karl Pilkington.

Is this for the hunting,
or is she just a bit forward?

I don't know
the politically correct term.



"Moron," I think.

He is a round, empty-headed,
chimp-like, manc moron.

Buffoon, idiot.

And he's a friend.

He's a typical little Englander,

and he doesn't like going
out of his comfort zone.

I just think
that it would be amazing

to send him around the world.

What we'd like to see is him
experience other cultures,

other peoples,
and see if, in any way,

we can change his outlook
on the world.

I want him to hate it.

I want him to hate every minute
of it for my own amusement.

Nothing is funnier



than Karl in a corner
being poked by a stick.

I am that stick.
And now I have the might

of Sky behind me.

This is one of the funniest,
most expensive practical jokes

I've ever done,
and it's gonna be great.

Just let me go!
No.

First discovered by western eyes
in about 1911...

Machu Picchu, Peru,

truly one of the seven wonders.

You must be very familiar
with that.

Breathtaking.

No, I haven't heard of that.

Never heard of it?

Good view.

Good view...
important.

Well, that's not accessible,
is it?

That's true!

That wouldn't cut the mustard on "Location,
Location, Location," would it?

You can't live like that,
can you?

You can't... I mean,
people moan at me.

Delivery drivers moan at me just
'cause I'm on the second floor.

So, if you're up there, they're
gonna have a ripe whinge on

by the time they get to you.

You don't seem that fazed

by the fact that you
got to do an 11-hour trek.

I like a walk.

I'll probably see loads
of better things on the way

than I do when I get there.

Uh, camping.

Yeah, camping's all right.
I mean, it's quite relaxing.

You're out in the open air.
Quite like the idea of that.

The only thing that's
annoying with camping

is the toilet situation.

India...
Hole in the ground.

It is better.

It can't possibly be better.

Why not?

In China, where I thought
they're advanced,

they still had
a hole in the ground.

That starts me main panic
that I've had about this trip.

How am I gonna do it
in the woods?

Made this.

A little camping chair.

Put a little hole in it.

So it doesn't rip anymore,
I just put staples around it.

I don't know if that's
a good idea or not,

'cause I haven't had
me bare ass on it yet.

It's only 8 quid.

Pop that up.
Sit down like that.

Put me toilet roll
in the drinks holder...

Once I've used it a bit.

Looks all right, doesn't it?

I mean, it's the last one,
isn't it?

It should be the easiest one,
'cause in my head,

I'm going, "It's over now."

So, no matter how bad it gets,
I think that will keep me going.

Not happy with this.
Seriously not happy with this.

It's funny how the directors
got in a different one.

I'm not getting on this.

Why's it landing on water?
There's enough land here.

Chop some of the trees down.
There's shits loads of land.

Make another runway.
Why are we landing on this?

I thought we were
just going to Machu Picchu.

I've got to get on a plane.
And apparently, there's smoke.

Yeah, look, they've got
the engine opened up.

Is it easily sorted?
Can you fix it?

No.

You can't fix it?

Don't worry.
It's okay.

It's okay.

Bit of banging.

We get on it.
Met the captain.

He's called George,

which isn't a name
that pilots normally have.

When you hear them
on the speaker thing,

it's normally the surnames
they use and stuff.

And it's sort of
a bit posh-sounding.

I've never heard,
"All right, George here."

That isn't a pilot's name, that.

Whoa!
What's it doing?

Every time I looked over,

he seemed to have his hand
on something,

and this fella next to him's

sort of grabbing it,
going, "Don't do that."

And he's sort of looking like,
"What?"

I think that's why
they have doors on planes...

so you can't see the captain.

It has nothing to do
with security.

It's just so you can't see
the devil who's driving it.

'Cause it puts you on edge,
doesn't it?

And I looked again.
They've got...Out.

Sat there having his lunch.

It's only an hour flight.
Have it before we go or when we get there.

See, it's just little things
like that that niggle me.

So, what?
Are we landing down here?

Where's the wonder?

It just annoys me,
'cause they always say to me,

"Oh, you always come across
pissed off," and all that and,

"People would love to do
what you're doing."

But they wouldn't,
'cause I'm constantly on edge.

I haven't slept
for about 30-odd hours.

You ever been
to the jungle before?

No, why would I?
Why would I go to the jungle?

I've never watched "Tarzan"
and thought,

"I'd like to go there
on holiday."

It never looks great.

It's the last one.

But that's what worries me.
It's the last one.

That's part of the problem,
though, isn't it?

'Cause Ricky and Steve are
going, "Let's go out on a bang."

These are getting
on my [bleep] already.

What do you make of the Amazon?

Is this it?

I don't want to see all of it,

so get that out your head.

I mean, it's no different
to the Thames, is it?

Is it a nice place
where we're staying, Will?

This is jungle land.

We're staying in the jungle?

It's getting
to the end of the day,

so I've got to go in the jungle.

I've got to try and sleep
in the jungle.

Be careful. Have to watch
where you're walking.

It has many species
of dangerous things.

Like what?

Like scorpions, tarantulas,
spiders, ants.

Fucking hell.

I want to go home.

Now we are very lucky
to find a place where we stay.

"Lucky"?
We're lucky?

We are lucky.

Come on.

Hold on [bleep]

Will you fit over there?

Will I fit on what?
On that?

Yes.

I can't be bothered.
What is this about?

How do you know
where you're going now?

There's no path or anything.
You're just chopping away.

This is the place where we stay.

We'll be resting tonight in here.

This is a good place, is it?
Yeah.

What do you make of the campsite?

It's not a campsite.
What are you on about?

Campsite.
This isn't a campsite.

I've been to campsites.

They have toilets, showers,
maybe a little arcade.

A fella on a... you know,
on the front gate

checking you've got a pass
to come in.

To them at home watching it,
they're going,

"Don't know what
all the fuss is about.

I've seen this time
and time again."

I am knackered, and I don't know

how to get that across to them
at home, that I'm pissed off.

Only filmed a little bit so far.

I know, but I tell you what.

I tell you what we could do,
like Attenborough does.

He's got it right.

He does a little thing
at the start going,

"Here I am in the Amazon."

You never see him again.
It's all voice-over.

I bet he lands.

I bet they go, "Keep that
fucking plane engine running."

"Here I am in the Amazon."
Then he fucks off, back off.

Back off home.
And then he sat in a studio.

"And there I was with a frog."

Where?
We never see him anymore.

He's never there
with a frog in his hand.

It's always like a big close-up.
You don't know where he is.

He's at home!

And I'm sat in a toilet
that I've made,

that I know
I'll be sat here later

having a shit.

Thinking, "What am I doing?
What am I doing?"

I don't understand
what they're thinking.

I thought Ricky and Steve
were sending me to Machu Picchu,

so why am I in the middle
of the Amazon now?

How was last night?

I can't stay here again.
I can't. I can't.

Ah

I can't stay here again.

I've got to move on.

I can't do the tent again.

So you might as well forget this.

At like 1:00 in the morning,
2:00 in the morning,

I'm pissing
into an [something] bottle.

This wasn't the plan.
This wasn't the plan.

Nothing makes sense in here.

That's the other thing.
Nothing makes sense.

Now, that's how much water
I had last night.

There's a little bit left
in the bottom there.

There you go.

So, how have I managed
to piss that much?

It doesn't add up.

I've pissed more than I've drunk.

And look at the color of it.
That isn't healthy.

I'm not a doctor, but I've never
pissed like that before.

I know I'm not that old yet,

but I reckon this is
the lowest point of my life.

These are all right, these.

I mean, I'd eat a rodent
if there was nothing else.

But it's hard to sort of
sit over there and tuck down,

you know, tuck into a rat,

when I know I've got
beans and sausage here.

It just seems a bit daft,
doesn't it?

I don't normally cook at home.

Leave it all to Suzanne.

The deal is, she does
the cooking, and I wash up.

We've got a dishwasher now,
so I don't really do anything.

Just have a wander about.

Basically I'm just
showing you a tree now.

There's nothing there.

Don't be thinking
that green thing's anything.

Anything?
No, it's just a bit of mold.

You know, do we actually
need these creatures

for the world to go on?

All right, that one there,
I'm talking about,

the one with its head down.

All right. There you go.
He's walking over there.

Having a little wrestle
with another one.

Just started a fight,

so that's a bit of a hooligan,
that one.

Everywhere you look,
there's stuff whizzing

'round your ears all the time
or crawling up your arm.

I'm just gonna get bitten a lot.

Little stick insect
I just found on a tree.

In here, there's always
something on me arm.

Look at that little fly
stopped there, as well.

Imagine it.

Imagine being a stick insect
walking about.

You'd be forever going,
"Is that what's his name?"

And you'd have to walk
all the way up to the twig.

You know, "Oh, it's just
a bloody twig again."

It doesn't work.

"She looks nice.
I'm going over there.

All right, love.
Oh, she's a stick."

It's hard. It's a hard life
to be a stick insect.

And what's that tree all about?

Trees... dangerous trees.

I was worried about scorpions
and spiders and shit

fucking tree with knives
coming out of it.

I feel like
I've seen the jungle now.

You know, I've had a look around.

I've seen all the insects
and that,

so I might as well just have
another look at the Amazon.

You know, everyone seems
to make a fuss about it,

say, "Oh," you know, "The
Amazon's nice and everything."

What I saw of it the other day,
I wasn't that impressed.

But Will wants me to go out
again, so I might as well,

'cause there's
nothing else to do.

There it is.
Will that come over?

Huh?

I had no idea they had
dolphins swimming about.

Do you like dolphins, Karl?

Um...

Yeah, they're all right.

It sort of gets on my nerves

how people say
they're really intelligent,

'cause I've never seen any of them
do anything that's blown me away.

I don't know,
maybe it's just the way

they get raved about so much by
people saying they're intelligent.

That's what annoys me.

'Cause everyone's always
calling me a div.

So the fact that they're going,
"Yeah, Karl's an idiot,"

but they go,
"Yeah, dolphins are bright."

That's all I mean.

There we go.

Whoo-hoo!

Be careful.

Whoa!

It's the waves.

Just got me
this ginger crinkle crunch.

It tastes even better, eh?

Come on.
What?

I want to show you something.

Come on here.

What?
Come on.

Is that Will?

I have something to show you,
I think, that you never see.

Do you see this?

Fucking hell.

I think he wants to
eat something.

Did you say that it's poisonous
or it's not poisonous?

They'll bite you,
but it's not poisonous.

Again, that's no good.

So, these are the ones
that wrap 'round you,

and then you sort of
breathe in...

What's that?

I'm gonna stand over here
a minute.

Why?
You are in the jungle.

I know I am.
I wish I wasn't.

This is ridiculous, this.

Nothing's normal, is it?

I had two minutes over there,

sat by a fire, having a biscuit
and a cup of coffee.

And all this is going on.

Should we give it
a bit of biscuit?

For what?
It doesn't eat biscuit.

How do you know?
How do you know?

Have you ever tried feeding
one of them a biscuit?

Well, then, you're gonna
learn something, then.

Listen to me.
Watch this. Watch this.

What? Biscuit?
Okay.

Can you get a light on it?

The head is over here.

I wasted a biscuit, really.

The noise is doing me head in.

It's different insects
going off all the time.

I mean, they say most
of the jungle is nocturnal.

But I'm not surprised.

They all have to be awake
through the night.

There's no chance
of getting any sleep here,

even if you're not
a nocturnal animal.

Let's face it... with this racket,
I'm not gonna get any sleep, am I?

Is he having a laugh?

And what does he mean,
"They used to be cannibals"?

What are they doing now, then?

What happens if it's just,
I'm, like, a rare delicacy

that triggers something off?

"We haven't had
a white man for years."

Before you know it,
they're giving it all this...

"hey, hey, hey"... 'round
the fire, me sat in a pot.

What am I gonna do?

You're worrying too much.

"Worrying too much"?

Just gonna stay
with some cannibals.

Make you feel...
you know, feel at home.

Fuck me.

I haven't got a problem.

If I got hungry,
I'd quite happily eat human.

There's no difference.

They say it tastes
like pork anyway.

Say if they took the lid off

and it was just a foot and they
sort of said, "Have a bit,"

I'd almost be a bit like,

"I want to know a bit
about the person first."

In the same way
that we do with chickens.

Everything's got to be,
"Is it organic?

"Where's this been brought up?
What field has it been on?

What's it been eating?"

I'd be a bit like that.
I'd want an organic foot.

I'd want to know
the history of it.

Did he have athlete's foot?

How often did he change his sock?

Just a little bit of something
that goes,

"Yeah, this is a nice foot.
It's worth eating."

All right, didn't wave back,

so they don't know
what that means,

or they hate me already.

I don't know.

Nothing. Nothing again.

I'm not doing that again.
It's embarrassing.

It's like asking
someone's name three times

and not hearing them.

Are they smiling, even?

This is proper, isn't it?

This is, like, proper tribe.

Have they seen me?
What a knobhead I look.

What a way for them to see me.

This...

Are they up there? Aw,
they're all watching as well.

There's some stairs there.

You think they would have sorted this
out for me if they knew I was coming.

Do I want the bags yet?

Oh, right.

Okay.

He's glad to see the back of us,
isn't he?

See ya, then.

Look at him.

He can't get out of here
quick enough.

He knows more than I do,
obviously.

Look at him.
Not hanging about, no waving.

Raymond.
Raymond.

Anyone watching at home,
he does do tours.

Hello.

How you doing?

Yeah.

Hey.
How are you doing?

How do you say "hello," again?
"Hello."

The chief...Around?

Presidente.

Presidente?

Presidente.

This is gonna be hard work.

See, I don't like that.

I don't like the big...
all the attention.

That's one of the reasons
I haven't got married.

All that folk...
everyone's looking at me.

You don't know where to look.

It's like, "What's going on?"

All right,
what's he saying, Aldo?

What?

What's that?

Hang on. Hang on.
Hang on a minute.

"Where are you coming?"
That's what he say.

"Why am I coming"?
"Where are you coming?"

I'm coming here.

Ricky and Steve, my friends,

asked me to stay here
on the way to Machu Picchu.

I've just been explaining
to the fella here

that I'm on my way
to Machu Picchu.

Need somewhere to sleep
on my way.

I'm gonna be staying here
in a tent.

All right, let's all...
let's get on with it.

We've all got stuff to do.

God.

There's a woman with an ax.

Right.

And she's not wearing the stuff.

It's like she didn't
want to join in.

It's mad, isn't it?

No matter where you live,
there's a nutter.

Whether it's on a council estate
in Manchester, London,

in the jungle.

There's always one
who doesn't want to join in.

Swinging an ax about.

Looks like it's gonna
Chuck it down.

No one else
seems to be showering.

I know. I don't understand why.
This is brilliant.

I mean, surely, this is...

They believe in nature
and stuff, don't they?

That you use what God gives you?

I mean, I don't know.
I just made that up.

They haven't said
anything like that,

but I imagine
that's what they do.

Is it alive?

The way it's just left there.

It's not looking good for it,
is it?

I don't live here,

but I'm guessing things
aren't looking good for it.

But I don't want to say,
"Don't do that. It's cruel."

'Cause they'll go, "Okay, we'll
go back to our old times, then.

Get in the pot."

So, if it's me or that,
I'll let them have that.

Don't you want the head?

You'd love that, wouldn't you?
You'd love to eat that.

I saw you cutting it off.

You cut it off.
You eat it.

Well, can you let them know
that I don't feel like

I should take the food from them?

Everybody wants you just to try.

But you're not telling them
what I'm saying.

This is the one time
I need you to explain.

I don't think I should eat.

I shouldn't take food off them.

I'm not actually
a meat-eater.

I don't eat meat.

Vegetarian.

What are they doing for pudding?

What's happening?

What's happening, Aldo?

I didn't think
I'd see that today...

you know, a fella
getting poison off a frog.

They believe that,
if they stick it on you,

gives you extra energy
to go off and hunt,

stuff like that.

It's all about up there,
isn't it?

You know,
I mentioned me auntie Nora,

with the amount of drugs
she's on.

If she was here,
she'd be up for that.

She'd go,
"Oh, I haven't had that.

"What are you mixing there?

Toad and a bit of spit?
Oh, I want to try that."

If it hasn't been tested
on animals,

it's been tested
on me auntie Nora.

So, what?
The just-burned end of a stick.

And now they're putting the
toad sweat and man spit on it.

Does that hurt?
"Aah! Aah!"

Does that hurt?

It make you feel dizzy.

Why do you want that?
Why do you want to feel dizzy?

I'm gonna be sick in a minute.

Hello.

No, I'm okay now.
I'm full of life.

I'm great.

Can you let him know
I'm full of energy?

Tell him now.

I have that.

Mmm!

Sod off!

I'm not having it done.

Come on, let's go hunting.

Oh, God.

See what's happening here.

Keep walking.
Keep walking.

Is this for the hunting,
or is she just a bit forward?

And the women came over,

put a bit of makeup on me,
made me look like a Jaguar.

That's the idea.

Why did I bother
having a shower yesterday?

Hang on.

Little Johnny,
picking his arrows...

This for the championship.

That's what I do in me head,

sort of build it up
like it's important.

This for ?100,000.

And he's got it.

Anyway, they had a go.
They were good.

I had a go.
I was shite.

I must have had
about 9 or 10 goes.

Well, people were
starting to leave.

I can't do it.
Can't do it.

Looks like they're going hunting.

I thought
they would have said to me,

"Do you want to just come?"

Even if they didn't
want me there.

I know I wasn't that great
this morning with the arrows.

They didn't even sort of
sneak off and say,

"Look, we're gonna leave him
behind 'cause he's useless.

"Let's just go one at a time.

Let's not make a big deal
out of our hunt."

The whole village came out again
to see them off.

That's another thing, as well,

about tribes that I read
before I come here.

They only count up to three...

Because they don't need
a higher number.

I read that.

Come here.

Honestly, you'll like this.
You'll love it.

You're the red. Right?
These are all yours.

'Cause they live in a world
where they don't deal with mass.

It's all like,
"You want a chicken leg?"

"Yeah."

"How many do you want?"

"I'll have two."

He's not got it, has he?

So...

Now watch.

Right?
So I win. Whee!

"Have you been out hunting?"
"Yeah."

"How many chickens did you get?"

"I got three."

"What, is that all we've got?"

"No. Harry got two."

"Oh, so we got three and two.
Oh, great."

They don't need to
go higher than that.

Which is why they probably
don't understand connect four.

Come on, someone else have a go.

This fella looks serious.

He's got sort of
an intelligent kid's haircut.

Ohhhh.

Karl?

Eh?

I think they want you to pay for
all the gifts you've been given.

Can you get Aldo to tell these
I haven't got any money?

'Cause it's a bit awkward, this.

It doesn't translate.
Anything.

You have to give them back.

All right.
I'll give them back.

But it's not 'cause
I don't want them.

It's because I just
haven't got any money.

See, I don't have any money.
They don't give me any money.

I thought they wouldn't
take them off me.

It seems like a bad ending now.

It's all gone a bit downhill now.

I haven't got any money.

Basically,
I've got to get on a plane

and get over
to a place called Cusco

to start the walk
up to Machu Picchu,

which is fine by me, 'cause
we're getting closer and closer.

Just, you know...
just get on with it.

Just waiting for a plane.

Weird, though, isn't it?

People at home will be going,
"But you're in a bus stop."

I'm not.
The airport.

Where is the runway?

Just over there, I think.

That field.

It's not an airport, then, is it?

It's a bloke who's built a hut
and got his lawnmower out.

Is it safe?

It just seems a bit mad
that they've got planes

when they haven't got runways.

***

I wasn't even aware of this,
that it's like 30% less oxygen.

I've never heard of that.

So, that's gonna wear me out,
isn't it?

They don't tell you that,
do they?

"Come and see the wonder
and suffocate to death."

I mean, I know the wonder
is meant to take me breath away.

Not like this.

They've got oxygen over there.

They've got what?

You can buy oxygen in reception.

Is it like... do they have,
like, a little cupboard,

like the fridge that they have,

where they charge you ridiculous
amounts for a bottle of water?

Up there, they'll have
a cupboard full of oxygen,

and they know if you're in there
going...

You're not gonna be
going, "How much?

Forget it."

You're gonna pay how much...

What price do you put on
a bottle of air if you need it?

I bet they've they've got
a right scam going on here.

Yeah, just about.
Just left there yesterday.

Just in Cusco.

Yeah, well, I'm not doing
any more of this,

so you can tell them no.

Don't wait for me to get home.

Just say, "He's not interested.
He's been around the world now.

He's seen it all.
He's done everything."

Knock it on the head.

I've been through
a load of [bleep] here.

Tell them now.

Call them now and tell them
that we're not doing series 2.

Nip that in the bud.

See, you've got me heart
going more now.

Apparently, it's a tradition

that, if you're going
on a long walk,

like I'm about to do,
that I'm not in the mood for,

it's good to see this doctor.

He blesses your body,
checks out that you're well,

and gets you ready
for the trek ahead.

So, I meet this bloke,
a local fella called Richard.

Tiny.
Thinking he's miles away.

Turns out he's about 4 foot,

so he seemed further away
than he actually was.

Richard, yeah?
I'm Karl.

Karl.
Karl, yeah.

How are you feeling?

Um...Sick.

Yeah?

Yeah.
Headache.

He got out, like,
this bag of shite.

Bits of grass, plastic things.

You know, when you have
a bowl at home, and you go,

"I might need that,"

and, like, you chuck things
in it... screws, bits of cotton,

string, belly-button fluff,
whatever.

It's like he'd been 'round

and gone and emptied all the
shit bowls around the country

and stuck it in a bag.

He got out a Guinea pig
at one point.

I'm not quite sure
what was going on.

Does it bite?
Yeah.

He does?
Yeah.

But when you've seen a doctor

who's using string
and old earbuds and stuff,

you kind of think,
"The Guinea pig's probably got

more of an idea of what's wrong
with me than this fella has."

I wanted a second opinion
from him...

you know what I mean?...
from the Guinea pig.

I don't quite understand
what's happening here.

...Your Guinea pig.

He said all the badness
that was in me

was transferred
to the Guinea pig.

So, somewhere,
there's a Guinea pig

walking around with major shit.

So, this way?
Keep going?

All right?
You ready?

Do we have to bring
all this stuff?

It's like going out with me mum.

She stops at every shop.

You enjoying the walk, Karl?

No.

'Cause I'm not well, am I?

Not well.
It's too hot.

That bit of toffee you gave me
has worn out.

Have you got any more?

I'm not in the mood for this.

Just tell us which way it is.

There's no way anyone
will be watching this going,

"That looks pleasant."

You'll see once you go in there.

Definitely not.

How can I enjoy it after this?

Or is it meant to work that way?

That, you know,
you're just happy to be there.

God almighty.

He said loads of people do this.
I haven't seen anyone.

How much better is it?

How much better is Machu Picchu
compared to that?

Don't you think it's amazing

that they made
these kind of buildings,

and it's just gonna get better?

I think you're talking shit

because I'm not looking
for a house there.

This isn't a property program,
is it?

I'm not gonna go,
"Just like this,

just something
with a bit more outside space."

What am I doing it for?

If it's exactly like this,
let's stop here.

Doesn't make sense, though,

'cause these things they're
living in look like bungalows.

But what's the point
if you got to keep doing this?

You might as well
have a house with stairs.

Bit more pleasant.

Fuck sake.

I don't get it. Why don't
they just want to rest?

They've been walking up there with
all these bags, out of breath,

and now they're wasting breath,
just making a racket.

I mean, that doesn't even
sound nice to me.

That's not relaxing.

They're all doing
their own thing here.

I mean, I had a cassette
of pure moods,

like panpipe stuff,

used to sort of make
a bit of a romantic evening.

Didn't sound like that.

And there certainly wasn't
a rat involved.

Thank God for that.

I'm gonna keep walking.

All right.
Enjoy your dinner.

Welcome to Machu Picchu.

Thank you very much.
Nice job. Yes.

You're having a laugh, are you?

See you.
Ta-ta.

Have we done a full circle?

First impressions?

There isn't one.

There isn't one.

I just feel...

I felt like the view earlier
that I saw

was better than this one.

Are you sure you're looking
at the right thing?

That bit of grass and rock
over there.

I'm not going any further.

'Cause it's more
of what we've already seen,

and I'm not killing meself.

I've done everything that Ricky
and Steve have wanted me to do.

We need to do it anyway, Karl.
We can't...

Well, go, then!
You're standing here. The sun's going down.

Get over there.
I'm not going.

I'll tell you now.
I'm not going anymore.

Well, I'm kind of at the wonder.

I'm at the wonder,

but I've only just got here,

so I've been walking
about eight hours, right?

Now, I'm at a point
where I can see the wonder,

the cameraman can see the wonder,

but Richard, who's in charge,
is worrying, going,

"Sky wanna see the wonder."

Have you got a problem
if we just see it from here,

have a look, and go?

Yes.

But I've been walking
for eight hours,

and the view from here
is magnificent.

I think it looks magnificent.

No.

No. No.

Don't bother telling
Ricky or anything.

I'll speak to him
when I get back.

All right, see ya.

Yeah.

There you go, then.

See? Easy.

We'll just a David Attenborough
job on it when I get home.

Just do a load of voice-over.
Job done.

70 miles from Cusco

is one of the old,
ancient cities of the world,

a maze of old rock
and sort of huts, you know,

sort of rock huts,
boulders, walls...

Lots of rock-related old stuff,
you know.

Get lost in the maze.

That's an easy thing to do.

I mean, look at that
old fella down there.

He needs a stepladder
to get out of the place.

God knows what she's playing at.

And that's good, isn't it?
Wonder of the world.

Protect it with some strings.
Why not?

I mean, I'm struggling here,
if I'm honest with you.

I don't know
how to sell it to you.

Do you like llamas?