American Playhouse (1981–…): Season 9, Episode 4 - Andre's Mother - full transcript
Cal is a young writer living in New York when he meets and falls in love with Andre, an aspiring actor. Andre's mother visits from Texas, and has a hard time dealing with her son's relationship and lifestyle, despite Cal's efforts to become her friend. Andre's irascible grandmother is more accepting, but her daughter is intransigent in her disapproval. A call from Cal to Andre's mother in the middle of the night is her first indication that her son was dealing with AIDS - and was against letting her know.
I almost called you
so many times.
They had nothing in common
except her son.
And nothing to lose
except each other.
I always had it in
the back of my mind
that one day we would
be friends, you and i.
My own mother never acknowledged
me... who I really was.
You took my son from me.
And now he's gone
from both of us.
"Andre's mother".
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero ♪
♪ In si caro ♪
♪ E dolce oggetto ♪
♪ Ia mia gioia... ♪
It's by mozart from
an obscure opera of his
called Il re pastore...
The shepherd king I think
you'd translate it as.
I've never heard of it.
Very few people have.
You know Andre...
It was either this,
"rock around the clock"
or something from gypsy.
You okay?
It's too long.
I should have had...
It's fine.
How's she doing?
What's she singing about, son?
It's in your program, dad.
"I will love him,
I will be constant...
"A faithful spse
and a faithful lover.
Only for you will I sigh."
¿Mrs. gerard?
¿Yes?
Hi, I'm cal.
Cal porter, Andre's...
Where's Andre?
He asked me to meet you.
What happened to him?
Nothing, he had an audition.
But he knew I was coming.
It was a bit of an emergency.
They're replacing
an actor in a play.
He got the call and was packed
and out the door in 30 seconds.
It's a theater in hartford.
It all happened so fast.
Your plane had
already left dallas.
What am I supposed to do?
We'll go to the apartment.
He'll call soon.
I'm certainly glad
I flew 2,000 miles
to have my son traipse
off to hartford.
It's edmund in lear.
It's who?
It's the role of
edmund in king lear...
Shakespeare.
I know who wrote king lear.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't born and
educated in texas.
We just moved there.
I loathe airports and
everything about them.
It's a part he really wanted.
He was hurt when
he didn't get it.
It sounds like he doesn't
have it this time either
if they want him to
audition in springfield.
Hartford.
What do you do?
Oh, that's right,
you're a writer.
Will we have any trouble
getting a cab?
I shouldn't think so.
What do you write?
My first draft is due
by the end of the year
but I've done most
of the research.
It'll be the first
book since he died.
What did you say his name was?
Toby.
Not the dog, the one
you're doing the book on.
Oh, samuel barber.
I'm sure there are lots
of wonderful people
I've never heard of.
I'm sure you know his music...
"Adagio for strings."
Everybody does.
Toby!
I'd better walk him.
Would you like to come?
No, thank you.
I could make your bed up.
You must be tired.
I'm fine.
Do you want to watch television?
There's more wine.
No, really...
It's cal.
I know.
All right, toby, we're going!
Okay.
Okay, we're going, we're going.
Hold still a minute.
We're going, toby.
Give me a chance.
That's a great picture of him.
A friend took it last summer.
I look like something
the cat dragged in.
I don't think he
could take a bad one.
Who's this?
That's his friend joel korman.
You met joel.
He and Andre shared a place.
When Andre lived
down in the village
that little basement apartment.
Do you remember that apartment?
It's where Andre and I met.
I was one of joel's friends.
I remember him.
He was always so well essed.
I used to hope it would
rub off on Andre.
He was a lawyer.
No, an accountant.
Are you sure?
Yes, he still is.
He's one of our best friends.
He certainly looks
like a lawyer.
What do lawyers look like?
I beg your pardon.
I wondered what
lawyers look like.
I'm sure I wouldn't know.
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to make small talk.
So was i.
Joel's done very well.
He has his own firm.
He does our returns.
It takes him all
of five minutes.
I liked him.
He's very likable.
He still is.
You keep putting him
in the past tense.
Sometimes I like to put
everyone and everything
in the past tense.
Do you know what I mean?
No.
You will.
Still, it's nice to
see a familiar face.
Among so many stranger.
They're just some
of our friends.
I'd like to meet them.
Well, some of them.
I don't like those two's looks.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I think Andre prefers
keeping me in the dark.
I doubt that.
He never tells me
anything important.
Do you ever ask him
anything important?
I wouldn't get a straight
answer if I did.
Sorry.
Why don't you try him?
Maybe there's some things
I'd just as soon not know.
Can I guess what they are?
I think you know what they are.
Hold your horses, toby.
Can we continue this?
I don't think so.
I'd like to.
I wouldn't.
I'm willing.
I'm not.
Please, I've had a long day...
that barking.
And if that dog goes
on my mother's rug...
If the phone rings,
will you answer it?
I'm sure it'll be Andre.
Hello?
Mom, is that you?
Andre! Where are you?
Hartford. Did cal meet you?
Yes, he met me.
Is everything okay there?
Oh, everything's fine.
So do you like him?
He's very nice.
He couldn't be
more accommodating.
Okay, I got to get going.
I'll be back
late tomorrow night.
I think I got the part
but I won't have to be
back up here till friday.
You can go to the matinee
tomorrow without me
but don't worry...
I'm not making this up.
He was terrible to go
to the theater with, too.
Just terrible.
He'd say the worst things.
Once we were at
a production of oklahoma!
At the jones beach outdoor
summer amphitheater.
It wasn't very good.
The curlie was flat
and the laurie was sharp
and there was no earthly
or discernable reason
for a production of oklahoma!
To be taking place
in a damn lagoon.
Excuse me.
And Andre just kept saying over
and over again under his breath
"pray for rain, joel,
pray for rain."
I can just hear him.
And wouldn't you know...
halfway through "people
will say we're in love"
the heavens opened.
I mean, flash flooding.
It was the first rain
that summer in six weeks.
Andre was very persuasive.
Woman: I don't see what these
people are driving at.
All I get is either they're
in great emotional pain
or stark raving mad.
I'm all for self-expression.
Only I think it ought to mean
something to other people.
I can't believe I've turned
into such an old fogy.
Andre's friend is
a writer, isn't he?
So I'm told.
Can we sit, mother?
Do you understand
what he writes?
I've never read anything of his.
Don't you want to?
Oh, I'm sure it'd
be over my head.
Let's find a bench.
Enjoy it while you can.
Someone who's very
full of himself
and relishing every moment
will come along and tell you
this is a non-smoking area.
They all are lately.
Next it'll be our own homes.
If I hadn't stopped
smoking, I'd be furious.
You people are letting
them walk all over you.
We're getting used to it.
We've gotten used to just
about everything else.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Nothing.
For a moment I thought
you were going to open up
and tell me what's
going on inside of you.
Everything's fine.
Where are they?
This is very irritating.
So much for feelings.
Back to the banalities.
I like your hair.
This lunch wasn't my idea.
Oh, so that's it.
You knew it wouldn't be.
I don't get to see either
of you very often.
I just wish you'd
kept it in the family.
He is Andre's family.
No wonder you're staying
at a hotel this trip.
Excuse me.
This is a no smoking area.
Most of the museum
is a no smoking area.
That's just what
I was telling her.
In the last chapter you
find out the real villain is the mother.
I could have told you that
without reading 700 pages.
Well, I threw the book
right into the fireplace.
Unfortunately all
I succeeded in doing
was knocking over
the fire screen.
But I made my point.
Her father didn't even look up
from his new yorker...
Something by brendan gill
about "what's happening
to our skyline."
That's the least
of all our worries.
Sometimes I envy my daughter
living in the middle of nowhere.
Dallas isn't the middle
of nowhere, mother.
Don't you believe her.
Do you think Andre
is coming back?
I don't know.
We have an exquisite
concert hall.
Oh, there are some nice texans.
Unfortunately they
don't live in texas.
They all got out.
I have to sedate myself heavily
every time I go down there.
Her father has
the real solution.
He hasn't left
connecticut since 1947.
And I don't believe he's
left greenwich since 1960.
And I'm quite certain he hasn't
left the house since 1975.
Does my rattling on
give you a headache?
It gives me one.
Then stop rattling, mother.
I only rattle
when my daughter's around.
Because I have a feeling
that she never tells me
what is really
going on with her.
It's like speaking
into an enormous void.
Hello out there.
Would you excuse me?
What's the matter?
I'm really not enjoying this.
In fact, I can't recall
a more miserable meal.
Here are your tickets.
The matinee is at 2:00.
I'm sorry.
He's absolutely
right, of course.
We are dreadful company.
I told you this
wasn't a good idea.
I don't think he had
anything to do with it.
He fuels Andre.
If there's the slightest
friction between us.
You can count on him
to fuel the flames.
He always takes Andre's side.
Andre's hair looked ridiculous.
He said it's for a part.
You take their side
against me, too.
I just met him.
Where's the waiter?
I want the check.
Cal porter...
I wonder if he's any
relation to cole porter.
Andre seems quite
smitten with him.
Is that what you call it?
Well, whatever it is that men
are when they like one another.
"Crushes" we used to
call them in my day.
Life never ceases to astonish me
how it all turns out.
Who would have thought
that the only fruit
of these good old yankee loins
would end up married to a jerk
and the only fruit of her loins
would end the whole shebang?
I don't like
the way Andre looks.
Neither do i.
Can I get you anything else?
Just the check.
Our desserts are
pretty spectacular.
I would say screw the calories
and go for the mud pie.
It's to die.
No, thank you.
Do you take credit cards?
That's about all we take.
Someone gave me cash...
I could hardly open the
register for all the dust.
Your son took care
of everything.
When?
Just now.
Oh, that wasn't my son.
That was a friend
of my grandson.
My grandson is the
young man who left
during the entree.
My daughter and I have
that effect on people.
I'm getting out of here.
Grandmother: may I ask
you a personal question?
Are you gay?
Yes.
Then will you please tell her
it's not the end of the world?
I'd be happy to.
I never said it was.
Why?
Is your son gay?
No.
I mean, of course not.
"No" is an answer.
"Of course not" is an opinion.
Which is it?
What?
I don't know.
Well, I hope he does.
So what's it going
to be, ladies?
Mud pie and ecstasy
or patronize the waiter?
I was being friendly.
Patronize the waiter.
Not today, ladies.
It's a busy lunch.
Your son's friend may want this.
Hi.
I'm cal's sister, penny.
My brother was a very lucky man.
Is... my brother is
a very lucky man.
People like Andre don't
come along every day.
And when they do,
they shouldn't go.
Sorry.
We don't expect to lose
good friends so soon.
I had counted on having them
as my two best friends...
So I said, "don't
go down there."
And she said...
Rather the study should include
all people in dallas county
who have tested positive
for the aids virus...
Hello.
Is Andre there?
Just a minute.
Ey, it's for you.
It's your mother.
I'm sorry, I worry
about you, Andre.
Sometimes I worry so much
you just can't imagine.
You're all right?
Yes, of course, mother.
You're sure you're all right.
I'm just tired.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
What's this all about?
You know what I'm talking about.
Where's Andre?
He's making a call.
What's wrong with my phone?
I guess he didn't want
to disturb you.
How long was I out?
30 seconds, if that.
He just left.
He looks dreadful.
So you told him.
Oh, I don't mean about the hair.
He... he looks...
Oh, what's the word
I'm trying to say?
He's not sick, mother.
I didn't say he looked sick.
He looks... lusterless.
I think you mean listless.
Andre usually shines.
There's a luster about him.
It isn't there, it's gone.
If he were my son,
I'd be worried about him.
Mother, I have been
worried about Andre
every minute of his life
since the day he was born.
May we please talk
about something else?
You always want to talk
about something else.
I wonder why that is.
Guess who phoned me.
When he read that
your father had died.
Who?
You know how I hate
guessing games.
Warren selby.
Warren selby.
That was years ago when
we lived on georgia street.
He loved hearing
you play the piano
and you loved playing for him.
I can still see him
turning the pages for you.
My god, that silly little
turkish rondo by mozart.
When I answered the phone,
he said, "katherine's mother?"
"this is warren selby
from seventh grade.
"I'd like her to
know how sad I was
when I read about
her father's passing."
Warren selby... i forgot I
ever knew such a person.
We all thought he was gay.
I doubt if he was gay then.
We were only in
elementary school.
Your father said, "there's
something queer about that kid."
I hate that word.
I always have.
Your father meant
he was unusual.
He was so much
a part of my life then.
You got older and
there went the piano;
There went warren selby.
It wasn't that simple.
And once you started
going out with...
What's his name?
He played basketball.
Oh, I couldn't stand him.
Tommy jensen.
What did you see in him?
He was gorgeous.
Have I ever done anything
you approved of?
Not really.
I suppose I should
appreciate such honesty.
Especially since I seem
to be on my deathbed.
Don't talk like that, mother.
But it's not your fault.
I know that.
I was speaking of my approval,
not my health.
I'm a difficult woman.
The disappointment
I feel about you
is the disappointment
I feel about the world.
Oh, it's nothing
personal, katherine.
Don't pull a face.
Nothing turns out
the way we want it to.
That's the terrible
thing about life.
I never got over it.
My mother was that way
and her mother before her.
Generations of essentially
bitter women.
I'm too old to break the chain.
Maybe you can.
Why me?
Oh, my poor dear daughter.
Maybe we're not so
different after all.
It was good of you
to make the trip up here.
I'll try not to linger.
I never knew how intensely
you disliked life.
Neither did i.
Fear no more the heat of the sun
nor the furious winter's rages.
Thou thy worldly task hast done.
Home art gone
and ta'en thy wages.
Golden lads and girls
all must...
Golden lads and girls all must
as chimney sweepers,
come to dust.
Fear no more the lightning flash
nor the all-dreaded
thunderstone.
Fear not slander, censure rash
thou hast finished joy and moan.
All lovers young,
all lovers must
consign to thee
and come to dust.
No exorcisor harm thee...
this is all very
theatrical for me, too.
I sell real estate
in rhode island.
Mr. gerard is in
advertising, cal told me.
Public relations.
It's too bad he
couldn't get up here.
That was Andre's favorite poem.
It's a lyric, actually,
from cymbeline by shakespeare.
I think I dropped a few lines,
I'm sorry.
Andre would kill me.
You know what's really terrible?
I can't think of anything
terrific to say.
In my own words, I mean.
And I'm the writer
in the family.
Good-bye.
I love you.
I'll miss you
the rest of my life.
That's about it.
Hello?
This is cal porter.
Cal, what is it?
It's about Andre...
What about him?
Something's happened.
I don't understand.
Mrs. gerard...
Andre died tonight.
Died?...
He wasn't well.
That's not possible...
It can't be!
He hasn't been well
for some time.
Jack...
Mr. gerard?
This is cal porter.
I guess everyone here knows.
That Andre was buried in dallas
almost five weeks ago...
four weeks and four days,
to be exact...
at his family's request.
I want to thank Andre's mother,
who flew up from Texas
for this memorial
by his friends.
I hope we've been able
to share with her
how much talent
and laughter and grace
her son brought
into all our lives.
I hope our words and attendance
have helped easeer pain.
I want to thank my father
arthur and my sister penny
for their love and support.
Andre loved you very much.
I especially want to thank
everyone who spoke or sang
or tried to cheer us up
this morning
and I'd like all of you who
can... i know it's a workday...
to come with me to the park now.
We'll do the balloons
and then you're all invited
to our place for cake and coffee
and, knowing my dad, maybe
a stiff belt of something
if that's your pleasure.
I want to thank
you all for coming.
Andre loved you very much...
And so do i.
"Death is nothing at all."
"I have only slipped away
into the next room.
"Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
"Call me by my old,
familiar name.
"Wear no forced air
of solemnity or sorrow.
"Life means all
that it ever meant.
"Why should I be out of mind.
"Only because I am out of sight?
"I am waiting for you,
for an interval.
"Somewhere very near...
just around the corner.
All is well."
Cal, I don't think.
She really understands
about the balloons.
When we let go of the balloons
it's as if we're
letting his soul
ascend to heaven;
it means that we're
willing to let go
breaking the last earthly ties.
Thank you for coming.
Well...
I guess this is it.
So long, Andre.
You glorious...
Wonderful...
I finally know what my
brother means about words...
Gorgeous...
Funny...
Generous man.
God forgive me for wishing
you were straight.
Every time I laid eyes on you.
He knows I wasn't
the only woman who did.
But if any man was
going to have you
I'm awfully glad
it was my brother.
Look how fast it's going up!
I think that means something...
Something terrific.
Your son was...
the jews have a word for it...
mensch, I believe...
oh, jeez, here we go.
And I think I'm...
I'm using it right.
It means warm, solid,
the real thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Fine, dad.
I won't say he was
like a son to me...
even my own son isn't
always like a son to me...
and I don't pretend
to understand
a situation like this...
massive failure of
imagination on my part...
I guess, in my own clumsy way
what I'm trying to tell you
is how much I loved Andre.
And how much he helped
me to know my own boy.
Cal was always two handsful
as far as I was concerned
but... but Andre and i...
we could talk about...
about anything,
which most of the time
was about cal.
I'll miss him.
I don't know how
cal's going to manage.
He told me this morning
he felt his absence
like a thing...
a palpable thing.
I didn't know what
to say to him.
Good-bye.
Godspeed.
God bless.
Cal...
I'm not ready yet.
Okay.
We'll be at the apartment.
Come on, pop.
You can buy your little
girl a "good humor."
They still make "good humors"?
Now they're called "dove
bars," and they cost $12.
I wish I knew
what you were thinking.
Your father seems
like a nice man.
He is.
Your sister is very pert.
Pretty...
and pert.
She's getting married
again next month.
He's on the coast...
He couldn't make today.
He was wonderful the last weeks.
It's his gravestone.
I can't make out the lettering.
Under the name and the dates
there's an inscription.
"I am fire and air."
It was your suggestion.
His favorite lines...
from anny and cleopatra.
The directions to the cemetery
are on the back...
if you can read my writing.
Andre never could.
Something "rest"...
"heavenly"...
"heavenly rest."
of course.
It's a very nice marker.
Thank you.
I thought simple was best.
When he was so sick...
those last months
if I asked him once
I asked him a thousand
times to tell you.
"She's your mother," I said.
"She'll want to know."
But he was so afraid
of hurting you
and your disapproval...
I don't know which was worse.
Sometimes he seemed down...
not from his illness, but...
in another way.
And I'd say, "what's
the matter, babe?"
And this...
funny smile would cross his face
and he'd say, "oh, I'm just
a little bit homesick, cal."
Just a little bit."
I almost called you
so many times.
I'm sure you're a nice person
but I'm sorry,
I can't forgive you.
I don't like what
you were to my son.
I don't approve.
I can't, don't ask me to.
It's too terrible
a criticism of me
and it doesn't bring him back.
I always had it in the back
of my mind that one day
we would be friends, you and i.
My own mother never
acknowledged me...
who I really was.
God, how many of us live
in this dreadful, anonymous city
because we don't want
to hurt our mothers.
We lose ourselves here.
Our lives aren't furtive...
just our feelings towards
people like you are.
You want my blessing.
I once wanted you to put
your arms around me, that's all.
I hurt, too... i don't have
your anger to sustain me.
You took my son from me.
And now he's gone
from both of us.
I want to feel good
about you, for him.
You won't let me!
It doesn't matter.
It should!
Why?
I don't know.
I don't want
to leave it like this!
There has to be something
that connects us!
There was, and he's gone.
I have my sorrow.
Don't ask me to share
that with you.
What makes you so implacable?
Andre.
Do you remember the comic strip
"little lulu"?
Her mother had no name...
She was so remote.
So formidable to
all the children.
She was just "lulu's mother."
"Hello, lulu's mother,"
lulu's friends would say.
You remind me of her...
"Andre's mother."
But that's exactly who I am.
And I was his lover!
I'll never be able
to hold him again
never feel his arms
around me again!
Maybe you've forgotten.
How making love is!
Stop it!
Let me answer
the questions you can't ask.
Then I'll leave you
alone forever!
Andre died of aids!
I know!
No, you don't!
I don't know how he got it,
neither did he.
I didn't want to know;
I still don't.
I tested negative,
so it wasn't me
which is probably
all you've thought of
in relation to me...
i don't blame you.
It was all I thought of
until I was tested.
I didn't kill Andre,
a goddamn virus did!
He would have made you
proud... he died bravely.
All that frightened him was you.
They did terrible things
to him trying to save him...
treatments devised in hell.
He didn't flinch...
but calling you,
he couldn't do it.
Please...
I'll have his
things sent to you.
You should have come up this
summer... he played hamlet.
He was magnificent.
Yes, I'm bitter.
I'm bitter I've lost him.
I'm bitter what's
happening all around me.
I'm bitter even now after
all this I still can't reach you
and it's making me ill.
Why can't you hold me?
Jesus...
Give me a minute.
I'll wait.
Come here!
Come on!
Come on!
Don't cry now!
Come on!
There!
See over there?
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero... ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero... ♪
so many times.
They had nothing in common
except her son.
And nothing to lose
except each other.
I always had it in
the back of my mind
that one day we would
be friends, you and i.
My own mother never acknowledged
me... who I really was.
You took my son from me.
And now he's gone
from both of us.
"Andre's mother".
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero ♪
♪ In si caro ♪
♪ E dolce oggetto ♪
♪ Ia mia gioia... ♪
It's by mozart from
an obscure opera of his
called Il re pastore...
The shepherd king I think
you'd translate it as.
I've never heard of it.
Very few people have.
You know Andre...
It was either this,
"rock around the clock"
or something from gypsy.
You okay?
It's too long.
I should have had...
It's fine.
How's she doing?
What's she singing about, son?
It's in your program, dad.
"I will love him,
I will be constant...
"A faithful spse
and a faithful lover.
Only for you will I sigh."
¿Mrs. gerard?
¿Yes?
Hi, I'm cal.
Cal porter, Andre's...
Where's Andre?
He asked me to meet you.
What happened to him?
Nothing, he had an audition.
But he knew I was coming.
It was a bit of an emergency.
They're replacing
an actor in a play.
He got the call and was packed
and out the door in 30 seconds.
It's a theater in hartford.
It all happened so fast.
Your plane had
already left dallas.
What am I supposed to do?
We'll go to the apartment.
He'll call soon.
I'm certainly glad
I flew 2,000 miles
to have my son traipse
off to hartford.
It's edmund in lear.
It's who?
It's the role of
edmund in king lear...
Shakespeare.
I know who wrote king lear.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't born and
educated in texas.
We just moved there.
I loathe airports and
everything about them.
It's a part he really wanted.
He was hurt when
he didn't get it.
It sounds like he doesn't
have it this time either
if they want him to
audition in springfield.
Hartford.
What do you do?
Oh, that's right,
you're a writer.
Will we have any trouble
getting a cab?
I shouldn't think so.
What do you write?
My first draft is due
by the end of the year
but I've done most
of the research.
It'll be the first
book since he died.
What did you say his name was?
Toby.
Not the dog, the one
you're doing the book on.
Oh, samuel barber.
I'm sure there are lots
of wonderful people
I've never heard of.
I'm sure you know his music...
"Adagio for strings."
Everybody does.
Toby!
I'd better walk him.
Would you like to come?
No, thank you.
I could make your bed up.
You must be tired.
I'm fine.
Do you want to watch television?
There's more wine.
No, really...
It's cal.
I know.
All right, toby, we're going!
Okay.
Okay, we're going, we're going.
Hold still a minute.
We're going, toby.
Give me a chance.
That's a great picture of him.
A friend took it last summer.
I look like something
the cat dragged in.
I don't think he
could take a bad one.
Who's this?
That's his friend joel korman.
You met joel.
He and Andre shared a place.
When Andre lived
down in the village
that little basement apartment.
Do you remember that apartment?
It's where Andre and I met.
I was one of joel's friends.
I remember him.
He was always so well essed.
I used to hope it would
rub off on Andre.
He was a lawyer.
No, an accountant.
Are you sure?
Yes, he still is.
He's one of our best friends.
He certainly looks
like a lawyer.
What do lawyers look like?
I beg your pardon.
I wondered what
lawyers look like.
I'm sure I wouldn't know.
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to make small talk.
So was i.
Joel's done very well.
He has his own firm.
He does our returns.
It takes him all
of five minutes.
I liked him.
He's very likable.
He still is.
You keep putting him
in the past tense.
Sometimes I like to put
everyone and everything
in the past tense.
Do you know what I mean?
No.
You will.
Still, it's nice to
see a familiar face.
Among so many stranger.
They're just some
of our friends.
I'd like to meet them.
Well, some of them.
I don't like those two's looks.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I think Andre prefers
keeping me in the dark.
I doubt that.
He never tells me
anything important.
Do you ever ask him
anything important?
I wouldn't get a straight
answer if I did.
Sorry.
Why don't you try him?
Maybe there's some things
I'd just as soon not know.
Can I guess what they are?
I think you know what they are.
Hold your horses, toby.
Can we continue this?
I don't think so.
I'd like to.
I wouldn't.
I'm willing.
I'm not.
Please, I've had a long day...
that barking.
And if that dog goes
on my mother's rug...
If the phone rings,
will you answer it?
I'm sure it'll be Andre.
Hello?
Mom, is that you?
Andre! Where are you?
Hartford. Did cal meet you?
Yes, he met me.
Is everything okay there?
Oh, everything's fine.
So do you like him?
He's very nice.
He couldn't be
more accommodating.
Okay, I got to get going.
I'll be back
late tomorrow night.
I think I got the part
but I won't have to be
back up here till friday.
You can go to the matinee
tomorrow without me
but don't worry...
I'm not making this up.
He was terrible to go
to the theater with, too.
Just terrible.
He'd say the worst things.
Once we were at
a production of oklahoma!
At the jones beach outdoor
summer amphitheater.
It wasn't very good.
The curlie was flat
and the laurie was sharp
and there was no earthly
or discernable reason
for a production of oklahoma!
To be taking place
in a damn lagoon.
Excuse me.
And Andre just kept saying over
and over again under his breath
"pray for rain, joel,
pray for rain."
I can just hear him.
And wouldn't you know...
halfway through "people
will say we're in love"
the heavens opened.
I mean, flash flooding.
It was the first rain
that summer in six weeks.
Andre was very persuasive.
Woman: I don't see what these
people are driving at.
All I get is either they're
in great emotional pain
or stark raving mad.
I'm all for self-expression.
Only I think it ought to mean
something to other people.
I can't believe I've turned
into such an old fogy.
Andre's friend is
a writer, isn't he?
So I'm told.
Can we sit, mother?
Do you understand
what he writes?
I've never read anything of his.
Don't you want to?
Oh, I'm sure it'd
be over my head.
Let's find a bench.
Enjoy it while you can.
Someone who's very
full of himself
and relishing every moment
will come along and tell you
this is a non-smoking area.
They all are lately.
Next it'll be our own homes.
If I hadn't stopped
smoking, I'd be furious.
You people are letting
them walk all over you.
We're getting used to it.
We've gotten used to just
about everything else.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Nothing.
For a moment I thought
you were going to open up
and tell me what's
going on inside of you.
Everything's fine.
Where are they?
This is very irritating.
So much for feelings.
Back to the banalities.
I like your hair.
This lunch wasn't my idea.
Oh, so that's it.
You knew it wouldn't be.
I don't get to see either
of you very often.
I just wish you'd
kept it in the family.
He is Andre's family.
No wonder you're staying
at a hotel this trip.
Excuse me.
This is a no smoking area.
Most of the museum
is a no smoking area.
That's just what
I was telling her.
In the last chapter you
find out the real villain is the mother.
I could have told you that
without reading 700 pages.
Well, I threw the book
right into the fireplace.
Unfortunately all
I succeeded in doing
was knocking over
the fire screen.
But I made my point.
Her father didn't even look up
from his new yorker...
Something by brendan gill
about "what's happening
to our skyline."
That's the least
of all our worries.
Sometimes I envy my daughter
living in the middle of nowhere.
Dallas isn't the middle
of nowhere, mother.
Don't you believe her.
Do you think Andre
is coming back?
I don't know.
We have an exquisite
concert hall.
Oh, there are some nice texans.
Unfortunately they
don't live in texas.
They all got out.
I have to sedate myself heavily
every time I go down there.
Her father has
the real solution.
He hasn't left
connecticut since 1947.
And I don't believe he's
left greenwich since 1960.
And I'm quite certain he hasn't
left the house since 1975.
Does my rattling on
give you a headache?
It gives me one.
Then stop rattling, mother.
I only rattle
when my daughter's around.
Because I have a feeling
that she never tells me
what is really
going on with her.
It's like speaking
into an enormous void.
Hello out there.
Would you excuse me?
What's the matter?
I'm really not enjoying this.
In fact, I can't recall
a more miserable meal.
Here are your tickets.
The matinee is at 2:00.
I'm sorry.
He's absolutely
right, of course.
We are dreadful company.
I told you this
wasn't a good idea.
I don't think he had
anything to do with it.
He fuels Andre.
If there's the slightest
friction between us.
You can count on him
to fuel the flames.
He always takes Andre's side.
Andre's hair looked ridiculous.
He said it's for a part.
You take their side
against me, too.
I just met him.
Where's the waiter?
I want the check.
Cal porter...
I wonder if he's any
relation to cole porter.
Andre seems quite
smitten with him.
Is that what you call it?
Well, whatever it is that men
are when they like one another.
"Crushes" we used to
call them in my day.
Life never ceases to astonish me
how it all turns out.
Who would have thought
that the only fruit
of these good old yankee loins
would end up married to a jerk
and the only fruit of her loins
would end the whole shebang?
I don't like
the way Andre looks.
Neither do i.
Can I get you anything else?
Just the check.
Our desserts are
pretty spectacular.
I would say screw the calories
and go for the mud pie.
It's to die.
No, thank you.
Do you take credit cards?
That's about all we take.
Someone gave me cash...
I could hardly open the
register for all the dust.
Your son took care
of everything.
When?
Just now.
Oh, that wasn't my son.
That was a friend
of my grandson.
My grandson is the
young man who left
during the entree.
My daughter and I have
that effect on people.
I'm getting out of here.
Grandmother: may I ask
you a personal question?
Are you gay?
Yes.
Then will you please tell her
it's not the end of the world?
I'd be happy to.
I never said it was.
Why?
Is your son gay?
No.
I mean, of course not.
"No" is an answer.
"Of course not" is an opinion.
Which is it?
What?
I don't know.
Well, I hope he does.
So what's it going
to be, ladies?
Mud pie and ecstasy
or patronize the waiter?
I was being friendly.
Patronize the waiter.
Not today, ladies.
It's a busy lunch.
Your son's friend may want this.
Hi.
I'm cal's sister, penny.
My brother was a very lucky man.
Is... my brother is
a very lucky man.
People like Andre don't
come along every day.
And when they do,
they shouldn't go.
Sorry.
We don't expect to lose
good friends so soon.
I had counted on having them
as my two best friends...
So I said, "don't
go down there."
And she said...
Rather the study should include
all people in dallas county
who have tested positive
for the aids virus...
Hello.
Is Andre there?
Just a minute.
Ey, it's for you.
It's your mother.
I'm sorry, I worry
about you, Andre.
Sometimes I worry so much
you just can't imagine.
You're all right?
Yes, of course, mother.
You're sure you're all right.
I'm just tired.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
What's this all about?
You know what I'm talking about.
Where's Andre?
He's making a call.
What's wrong with my phone?
I guess he didn't want
to disturb you.
How long was I out?
30 seconds, if that.
He just left.
He looks dreadful.
So you told him.
Oh, I don't mean about the hair.
He... he looks...
Oh, what's the word
I'm trying to say?
He's not sick, mother.
I didn't say he looked sick.
He looks... lusterless.
I think you mean listless.
Andre usually shines.
There's a luster about him.
It isn't there, it's gone.
If he were my son,
I'd be worried about him.
Mother, I have been
worried about Andre
every minute of his life
since the day he was born.
May we please talk
about something else?
You always want to talk
about something else.
I wonder why that is.
Guess who phoned me.
When he read that
your father had died.
Who?
You know how I hate
guessing games.
Warren selby.
Warren selby.
That was years ago when
we lived on georgia street.
He loved hearing
you play the piano
and you loved playing for him.
I can still see him
turning the pages for you.
My god, that silly little
turkish rondo by mozart.
When I answered the phone,
he said, "katherine's mother?"
"this is warren selby
from seventh grade.
"I'd like her to
know how sad I was
when I read about
her father's passing."
Warren selby... i forgot I
ever knew such a person.
We all thought he was gay.
I doubt if he was gay then.
We were only in
elementary school.
Your father said, "there's
something queer about that kid."
I hate that word.
I always have.
Your father meant
he was unusual.
He was so much
a part of my life then.
You got older and
there went the piano;
There went warren selby.
It wasn't that simple.
And once you started
going out with...
What's his name?
He played basketball.
Oh, I couldn't stand him.
Tommy jensen.
What did you see in him?
He was gorgeous.
Have I ever done anything
you approved of?
Not really.
I suppose I should
appreciate such honesty.
Especially since I seem
to be on my deathbed.
Don't talk like that, mother.
But it's not your fault.
I know that.
I was speaking of my approval,
not my health.
I'm a difficult woman.
The disappointment
I feel about you
is the disappointment
I feel about the world.
Oh, it's nothing
personal, katherine.
Don't pull a face.
Nothing turns out
the way we want it to.
That's the terrible
thing about life.
I never got over it.
My mother was that way
and her mother before her.
Generations of essentially
bitter women.
I'm too old to break the chain.
Maybe you can.
Why me?
Oh, my poor dear daughter.
Maybe we're not so
different after all.
It was good of you
to make the trip up here.
I'll try not to linger.
I never knew how intensely
you disliked life.
Neither did i.
Fear no more the heat of the sun
nor the furious winter's rages.
Thou thy worldly task hast done.
Home art gone
and ta'en thy wages.
Golden lads and girls
all must...
Golden lads and girls all must
as chimney sweepers,
come to dust.
Fear no more the lightning flash
nor the all-dreaded
thunderstone.
Fear not slander, censure rash
thou hast finished joy and moan.
All lovers young,
all lovers must
consign to thee
and come to dust.
No exorcisor harm thee...
this is all very
theatrical for me, too.
I sell real estate
in rhode island.
Mr. gerard is in
advertising, cal told me.
Public relations.
It's too bad he
couldn't get up here.
That was Andre's favorite poem.
It's a lyric, actually,
from cymbeline by shakespeare.
I think I dropped a few lines,
I'm sorry.
Andre would kill me.
You know what's really terrible?
I can't think of anything
terrific to say.
In my own words, I mean.
And I'm the writer
in the family.
Good-bye.
I love you.
I'll miss you
the rest of my life.
That's about it.
Hello?
This is cal porter.
Cal, what is it?
It's about Andre...
What about him?
Something's happened.
I don't understand.
Mrs. gerard...
Andre died tonight.
Died?...
He wasn't well.
That's not possible...
It can't be!
He hasn't been well
for some time.
Jack...
Mr. gerard?
This is cal porter.
I guess everyone here knows.
That Andre was buried in dallas
almost five weeks ago...
four weeks and four days,
to be exact...
at his family's request.
I want to thank Andre's mother,
who flew up from Texas
for this memorial
by his friends.
I hope we've been able
to share with her
how much talent
and laughter and grace
her son brought
into all our lives.
I hope our words and attendance
have helped easeer pain.
I want to thank my father
arthur and my sister penny
for their love and support.
Andre loved you very much.
I especially want to thank
everyone who spoke or sang
or tried to cheer us up
this morning
and I'd like all of you who
can... i know it's a workday...
to come with me to the park now.
We'll do the balloons
and then you're all invited
to our place for cake and coffee
and, knowing my dad, maybe
a stiff belt of something
if that's your pleasure.
I want to thank
you all for coming.
Andre loved you very much...
And so do i.
"Death is nothing at all."
"I have only slipped away
into the next room.
"Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
"Call me by my old,
familiar name.
"Wear no forced air
of solemnity or sorrow.
"Life means all
that it ever meant.
"Why should I be out of mind.
"Only because I am out of sight?
"I am waiting for you,
for an interval.
"Somewhere very near...
just around the corner.
All is well."
Cal, I don't think.
She really understands
about the balloons.
When we let go of the balloons
it's as if we're
letting his soul
ascend to heaven;
it means that we're
willing to let go
breaking the last earthly ties.
Thank you for coming.
Well...
I guess this is it.
So long, Andre.
You glorious...
Wonderful...
I finally know what my
brother means about words...
Gorgeous...
Funny...
Generous man.
God forgive me for wishing
you were straight.
Every time I laid eyes on you.
He knows I wasn't
the only woman who did.
But if any man was
going to have you
I'm awfully glad
it was my brother.
Look how fast it's going up!
I think that means something...
Something terrific.
Your son was...
the jews have a word for it...
mensch, I believe...
oh, jeez, here we go.
And I think I'm...
I'm using it right.
It means warm, solid,
the real thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Fine, dad.
I won't say he was
like a son to me...
even my own son isn't
always like a son to me...
and I don't pretend
to understand
a situation like this...
massive failure of
imagination on my part...
I guess, in my own clumsy way
what I'm trying to tell you
is how much I loved Andre.
And how much he helped
me to know my own boy.
Cal was always two handsful
as far as I was concerned
but... but Andre and i...
we could talk about...
about anything,
which most of the time
was about cal.
I'll miss him.
I don't know how
cal's going to manage.
He told me this morning
he felt his absence
like a thing...
a palpable thing.
I didn't know what
to say to him.
Good-bye.
Godspeed.
God bless.
Cal...
I'm not ready yet.
Okay.
We'll be at the apartment.
Come on, pop.
You can buy your little
girl a "good humor."
They still make "good humors"?
Now they're called "dove
bars," and they cost $12.
I wish I knew
what you were thinking.
Your father seems
like a nice man.
He is.
Your sister is very pert.
Pretty...
and pert.
She's getting married
again next month.
He's on the coast...
He couldn't make today.
He was wonderful the last weeks.
It's his gravestone.
I can't make out the lettering.
Under the name and the dates
there's an inscription.
"I am fire and air."
It was your suggestion.
His favorite lines...
from anny and cleopatra.
The directions to the cemetery
are on the back...
if you can read my writing.
Andre never could.
Something "rest"...
"heavenly"...
"heavenly rest."
of course.
It's a very nice marker.
Thank you.
I thought simple was best.
When he was so sick...
those last months
if I asked him once
I asked him a thousand
times to tell you.
"She's your mother," I said.
"She'll want to know."
But he was so afraid
of hurting you
and your disapproval...
I don't know which was worse.
Sometimes he seemed down...
not from his illness, but...
in another way.
And I'd say, "what's
the matter, babe?"
And this...
funny smile would cross his face
and he'd say, "oh, I'm just
a little bit homesick, cal."
Just a little bit."
I almost called you
so many times.
I'm sure you're a nice person
but I'm sorry,
I can't forgive you.
I don't like what
you were to my son.
I don't approve.
I can't, don't ask me to.
It's too terrible
a criticism of me
and it doesn't bring him back.
I always had it in the back
of my mind that one day
we would be friends, you and i.
My own mother never
acknowledged me...
who I really was.
God, how many of us live
in this dreadful, anonymous city
because we don't want
to hurt our mothers.
We lose ourselves here.
Our lives aren't furtive...
just our feelings towards
people like you are.
You want my blessing.
I once wanted you to put
your arms around me, that's all.
I hurt, too... i don't have
your anger to sustain me.
You took my son from me.
And now he's gone
from both of us.
I want to feel good
about you, for him.
You won't let me!
It doesn't matter.
It should!
Why?
I don't know.
I don't want
to leave it like this!
There has to be something
that connects us!
There was, and he's gone.
I have my sorrow.
Don't ask me to share
that with you.
What makes you so implacable?
Andre.
Do you remember the comic strip
"little lulu"?
Her mother had no name...
She was so remote.
So formidable to
all the children.
She was just "lulu's mother."
"Hello, lulu's mother,"
lulu's friends would say.
You remind me of her...
"Andre's mother."
But that's exactly who I am.
And I was his lover!
I'll never be able
to hold him again
never feel his arms
around me again!
Maybe you've forgotten.
How making love is!
Stop it!
Let me answer
the questions you can't ask.
Then I'll leave you
alone forever!
Andre died of aids!
I know!
No, you don't!
I don't know how he got it,
neither did he.
I didn't want to know;
I still don't.
I tested negative,
so it wasn't me
which is probably
all you've thought of
in relation to me...
i don't blame you.
It was all I thought of
until I was tested.
I didn't kill Andre,
a goddamn virus did!
He would have made you
proud... he died bravely.
All that frightened him was you.
They did terrible things
to him trying to save him...
treatments devised in hell.
He didn't flinch...
but calling you,
he couldn't do it.
Please...
I'll have his
things sent to you.
You should have come up this
summer... he played hamlet.
He was magnificent.
Yes, I'm bitter.
I'm bitter I've lost him.
I'm bitter what's
happening all around me.
I'm bitter even now after
all this I still can't reach you
and it's making me ill.
Why can't you hold me?
Jesus...
Give me a minute.
I'll wait.
Come here!
Come on!
Come on!
Don't cry now!
Come on!
There!
See over there?
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero... ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ Ia mia pace ♪
♪ Io trovero ♪
♪ L'amero, saro costante ♪
♪ Fido sposo, e fido amante ♪
♪ Sol per lei sospirero ♪
♪ Sol per lei... ♪
♪ Sospirero... ♪