American Playhouse (1981–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Who Am I This Time? - full transcript

HARRY NASH: You
remember when Beauty

said I love you to the Beast?

His ugliness dissolved,
changed, like magic.

But, you see, I'm
still the same.

Let no one help me-- no one.

His cunning, I feel already shotwith marble, glugged with lead.

Here lies Hercule de Saviniende Cyrano de Bergerac.

I can see him!

There.

He grins.

Death!



He's looking at my nose!

That skeleton.

What's that, you say?

Hopeless.

You there!

Who are you, 100 against one?

Nah!

I know it now.

My ancient enemies, forthward!

There!

There!

Prejudice, cowardess,
compromise.

Nah!

You too, vanity.



I knew you'd overthrow
me in the end.

Nah!

I fight on.

I fight on.

One thing unspotted from theworld, in spite of doom I know,

and that is--

-Oh.

And that is?

-My white plume.

WOMAN: Oh!

Ooh.

[crying]

-Pull the curtain.

Pull the curtain.

-Did you girls like the play?

-It was marvelous.

-Thank you.

Thank you very much.

-Great show, Doris!

-Doris--

-Thank you.

-Oh, you were just
fine, you know.

Just fine.

-No.

I mean what are you-- whatare we going to do next--

[chattering]

-That was Cyrano.

-You're right.

You're right.

-Here, director.

-George, what do you
think we should do next?

-What about doing "Marat/Sade"?

-No, no.

Minnie, would you light this?

[chattering]

-I've been waiting
all evening for this.

-Hey, old man, how's--

[chattering]

-Hi George.

-Hi.

How'd you like the play?

-It was terrific.

That Harry sure is
something, isn't he?

-Oh, have you decided
what we're doing next?

-Listen.

Streetcar Named Desirewould be a fascinating play.

-I love that play.

-Couldn't you choose somethinga little more demanding?

-Well, you see, Harry wouldbe a terrific Stanley.

-Hey.

Where are we going
to find a Stella?

-I can answer that.

I was born to play Stella.

-What do you think, Doris?

-I think it's a wonderful play.

-Good.

When do you want
to have auditions?

-Well, I'm sorry
to tell you this,

but I'm not going
to direct this one.

MAN: What?

-What?

WOMAN: Doris, what
are you talking about?

-No.

No.

No, I mean it.

Momma's been sick, and I'mnot going to have the time.

Besides, it's ruining
my social life.

MAN: Ah, Doris--

-Well, Doris--

-After all, it's
time that the club

developed some other directors.

I'm not going to live forever.

-But you can't quit.

Who else can do it?

-Doris isn't directing?

-No, dear boy.

-Well, who else can direct?

-Excuse me.

Andrew, give me a hand.

-Great.

I finally get her primed
up to give me the lead,

and now I have to startbuttering up somebody else.

-Attention, everybody.

I want to thank you all forcoming out and supporting

the North Crawford
Mask and Wit Club.

And I-- I especially
want to thank

all of my fellow thespains--Selma and Minnie, Andrew,

Albert, Lydia, George, Les,and, of course, our star, who

unfortunately couldn't joinus tonight, Harry Nash.

[applause]

-Our next production is goingto be A Streetcar Named Desire.

MAN: Wow!

[commotion]

-And, by popular
demand, the director

will be George Johnson.

MAN: George Johnson!

[laughter]

[applause]

[congratulations from crowd]

MAN: You're going to be great!

[chattering]

-Hi Phoebe, how are you?

Hi Marilyn.

How are you?

-Hi George.

-Hey, Jack.

How you doing?

[women talking in background]

-Uh, excuse me?

[women talking in background]

-Uh, miss?

-Good morning, sir.

May I help you?

-Well, yeah, I hope so.

Uh, miss, I've got thischarge on my telephone bill

for a long distance call toHa-- for a long distance call

to Honolulu.

Uh, I don't think
anyone in North Crawford

has ever called Honolulu, orever will, for that matter.

-I'm very sorry, sir.

The company has just installednew automatic billing machines,

and we don't have
all the bugs out yet.

-Oh.

-Occasionally they
make mistakes.

I'll take this charge
right off your bill.

-Oh.

Well, that's a relief.

I thought I was going tohave a real hassle getting

this thing straightened out.

You know, I've dealt with
those computers before.

-Oh, no, sir.

This will just take a second.

If you can wait, I'll
give you a credit memo.

-I haven't seen you aroundNorth Crawford before, have I?

-No, sir.

I just arrived with the newautomatic billing machines.

-Well, that's an improvement.

[laugh] I guess as long
as people come along

with the machines, then we'vegot nothing to worry about.

It's-- it's when the machinesstart delivering themselves

that, uh-- that, uh, peoplehad better start worrying.

-Oh.

GEORGE: Ah.

Uh, excuse me.

Um, have you-- have
you ever acted?

Uh, what do you do
with the machine?

-Well, I teach the localgirls how to operate them.

GEORGE: Ah.

How long are you going
to be in North Crawford?

-I stay in each place
eight weeks, sir.

Then I take a new
machine to a new town.

-Well, see, the
reason I'm asking

is-- uh, well, I've
got into this idea.

You see, we-- we're
having auditions

for our dramatic club.

We're doing a new play.

And, uh, why don't
you come over?

There's a part in therethat'd be perfect for you.

-I've been going from town
to town for two years.

That's the very
first time anyone

has ever approached me aboutparticipating in a community

thing.

There

-There isn't any
other way to get

to know a lot of nice peoplefaster than being in a play.

Uh, my name's George Johnson.

Oh. [laugh]

-Helene Shaw.

Oh.

Well, it's so nice to meet you.

Anyway.

The auditions are this Saturday.

We'd all like you to come.

They're at the schoollibrary-- 12 o'clock sharp.

-Well, I-- I just mightshow up and surprise you.

GEORGE: Oh.

-And myself.

[laugh]

-Hey, Clyde.

Whoa.

-George.

-Oh, yeah.

Oh, hi, Albert.

-George, I'm glad I caught you.

-Oh yeah?

I'm in a hurry.

-There's something
I gotta show you.

-OK, but I'm in a hurry, Albert.

-Wait for it.

-What?

-Stella!

-Oh, lord.

Oh, hey, listen.

I'm glad you're working sohard on the character, Albert.

Wait.

I've got something else.

Wait and see-- Eunice, I wantmy girl to come down with me.

Eunice!

I can do it--

-Ah, ba-ba-ba-ba.

Uh, we're just kidding around,folks-- just kidding around.

Listen.

I already told you-- Harry'splaying Stanley, all right?

-I admit Harry's pretty
good and all of that,

but there are some parts othersare better-suited to play.

-OK.

Now, listen to me, Albert.

In the past year, Harryhas played Captain Queeg.

He's played Abe Lincoln.

He's played the young architectin "The Moon is Blue."

He's played Doc in "Come
Back, Little Sheba,"

and he's played
Cyrano de Bergerac.

That's a pretty
good cross-section,

wouldn't you say, Albert?

-I've had a few
credits too, you know.

-Oh, I know.

Listen-- but I've
gotta go, Albert.

I really do.

Harry.

Harry?

Vern?

Lydia?

Anybody?

HARRY: [counting]

-Harry?

Oh, Harry.

-60, 80.

[counts under breath] 55, 56--

-[clears throat]

-Vern and Lydia
aren't here, George.

-Oh, well, I really
came to see you, Harry.

Uh, hey, um-- that was some fineperformance last night, Harry.

-Vern and Lydia aren't here.

[crash]

-Oh, uh-- uh.

-I'll take care of it.

-Anyway, I suppose you've heardabout the, uh-- the next play.

[laugh] They asked
me to direct, Harry.

And I-- I know you've onlyworked with Doris before, uh,

so I hope that isn't a problem.

You've seen me act, Harry.

Uh, directing can only be a stepup, you know? [laugh] That club

needs you, Harry.

I mean, actually,
I need you, Harry.

I don't even know if
I can direct traffic,

let alone a play.

Would you consider playingthe lead in this one, Harry?

-Who am I this time?

-Ah.

-I'm not sure it would have madeany difference where-- where I

saw him.

-Now don't say it was oneof those mysterious electric

things between people.

If you do, I'll laugh
right in your face.

-I am not going to sayanything more at all about it

-All right, then.

Don't.

-But there are things thathappen between a man and a--

-Uh, Minnie.

Minnie, thanks.

That's-- thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-Uh, George, are you goingto have my, uh, storm windows

ready next week?

You know, the least expensiveones we talked about?

-Uh, the, uh, the plain
aluminium triple-track?

-Right, George.

I

-Yeah.

I'll have it-- I'll
have it taken care of.

Yeah.

Minnie, you want to send
the next one in for me?

-Right.

Sure.

Thanks, George.

-Well, we've got our Blanches.

-[sigh]

-He had his nose smashed
in by our wedding night.

- --ain't you?

Well, I ought to go
home pretty soon.

-Shut up.

MAN: I've got a sick
mother. [inaudible].

[ACTORS PRACTICING LINES IN BACKGROUND]

-Next.

[knocking]

-Come in.

-Harry?

-You told me you
were having tryouts.

-Uh, yeah, but I
didn't mean you, Harry.

-Now, George, don't
you think Harry

should get a chance,just like all the others?

No favorites.

Right, Harry?

-Right.

-Oh, yeah.

You're absolutely right, Doris.

Yeah.

If you don't mind
waiting a while, Harry.

Uh, why don't you
go out in the hall

and study your
scripts some more, OK?

-Thanks.

-Harry.

Did you happen to see apretty new girl out there?

-I didn't notice.

-That's amazing.

He always acts like
there's some doubt

he's going to get
a part in the play.

-I wouldn't care if
he auditioned standing

on his head, as long as
he keeps on giving us

those performances of his.

-Yeah, but I can't evenget a two-way conversation

going with him.

[knocking]

Oh.

Miss Shaw.

Hi.

Hi.

Excuse me, Doris.

Come on in.

Oh, am I delighted to see you.

-Well, I told you that Imight surprise both of us.

-Well, I'm
delightfully surprised.

Come on in.

Come on in.

Uh, Doris, I-- I'm sorry.

What's your first name again?

-Helene.

-I want you to meet Helene Shaw.

DORIS: Hello there.

-I thought she'd be perfect--perfect for the part of Stella,

right?

DORIS: Hmm.

-Oh, uh, listen.

Why don't yo u just read,uh, the-- the scene here, OK?

And, uh, Doris will read
the part of Blanche.

All right?

-I'm not sure it would have madeany difference where I met him.

DORIS: If you say it was oneof those mysterious electric

things between people, I'lllaugh right in your face.

HELENE: I'm not going to sayanything more at all about it.

-All right, then.

Don't.

-But there are
things that happen

between a man and a woman inthe dark that sort of make

everything else
seem unimportant.

-Helene, dear, passion.

Passion, Helene.

Stella is a very
passionate girl.

She needs someone like Stanleyin order to feel alive.

The animal in him excites her!

-I'll try it again.

DORIS: Please, with a
little more feeling.

Now, pretend George isStanley, and that you love him

very passionately.

On second thought, just
try to imagine Stanley.

Now.

Let's take it from
where we left off.

What you are talking about isbrutal desire-- just desire.

The name of that
rattletrap old streetcar

that bangs through
the water quarter,

up one old narrow
street and down another.

Well, all right, dear.

Read the lines.

-Oh, yeah.

Um, haven't you ever
ridden that streetcar?

DORIS: It brought mehere, where I'm not wanted

and where I'm ashamed to be.

-Then don't you think
your superior altitude

is a bit out of place?

-That's attitude, dear.

-Oh.

Oh, yes.

Attitude.

-I am not being or feelingat all superior, Stella.

Believe me.

It's just this.

This is the way I look at.

A man like that is someoneto go out with once,

twice-- three times,when the devil is in you.

But live with?

Have a child by?

-I have told you I love him.

GEORGE: Uh, Helene?

Uh, excuse me, Doris.

Uh, may I ask you a
personal question?

-All right.

-Have you ever been in love?

What-- what I was thinkingis that, if you remember

some old love, you
know, that you had,

then it might help to bringsome warmth into your acting.

-Well, I travel around
a lot, you know,

and, um, and practicallyall the men in the companies

that I visit--
they're all married.

And I'm never in town
long enough to meet any

of the people who aren't.

-Uh, what about school?

Like puppy love, and all theother kinds of love in school?

-Well, even in school
I moved around a lot,

because my father was
a construction worker

and he was always
following jobs around.

And I was always saying helloor goodbye to some place.

Um, would movie stars count?

I mean, not in real life.

I never met any.

But, I mean, to
step on the screen?

-I guess that's love of a kind.

-Because I used to sit throughmovies over and over again,

you know, and pretend
that I was married

to whoever the-- the
man movie star was.

-[laugh]

-They were the only peoplethat ever went with us.

No matter where we went, thosemovie stars were always there.

-Yeah.

Well, uh, listen.

Uh, thanks, Helene.

It's-- thank you for coming by.

And we'll let you knowwhat we decide, all right?

Thank you.

-Thanks very much for
letting me try out.

-Oh, you're welcome, dear.

-You finally find your
Stella and it turns out

she doesn't know what Helene is.

HELENE: [crying]

GEORGE: Helene.

What's the matter, dear?

-I'm terrible, aren't I?

-No.

No, you're not.

You're fine.

-No I'm not.

It was awful.

I--

-You were really--

- --like I was a walking
icebox or something.

-Oh, nobody could look atyou and say that, dearie.

-When people get to know me,that's when they do say it.

I don't want to be
the way that I am.

I just can't help it.

I feel like I'm in-- well, whenI get to know somebody nice,

you know, and--
like, in real life--

I feel like I'm in some kindof a bottle, as thought I can't

touch that person, no
matter how hard I try.

I know what this play's about.

I know what Stella's feeling.

I-- I know why she feels it.

I just-- I-- I--

-You what, dear?

-I-- I just-- I don't
know how to begin.

DORIS: Oh, Helene.

GEORGE: Oh--

-Are you ready for
me yet, George?

There's nobody else outside.

-Harry, come here.

I'm-- I'm sorry I kept
you waiting, Harry.

Excuse me.

Uh, Harry, this is Helene Shaw.

Helene, this is Harry Nash.

Uh, now, if you get
the part of Stella,

he'll be your
husband in the play.

Say, I, uh, I wonder
if, uh, if you two would

read a scene for me from
this play, all right?

Right here.

Do that?

-Sure.

GEORGE: Huh?

-If Stella's game.

-Huh?

-Stella.

Stella-- that's you.

Stella's my wife.

And where's the money,
if the place got sold?

-Oh, not sold-- lost.

Lost.

-Open your eyes to this stuff.

You think she got this
out of teacher's pay?

-Hush.

-Look at these
feathers and furs she

come here to preen herself in!

What is this?

A solid gold dress, I believe.

And this?

What is these, here, fox pieces?

Genuine fox fur pieces
a half a mile long.

-No.

Those are inexpensive
summer furs

that, um, Blanche
has had a long time.

-I got an acquaintance
that deals

in this sort of merchandise.

I'll have him here
to appraise it.

I'm willing to bet
you there's thousands

of dollars invested
in this stuff here.

-Don't be such an idiot, Stan.

-And this.

What is this, here?

The treasure chest of a pirate?

-Stanley.

-Pearls!

Ropes of them!

What is this sister of
yours, a deep sea diver?

-Be still, Stanley.

-And diamonds.

A crown for an empress.

-It's a rhinestone tiara.

She wore it to a costume ball.

-Are you kidding?

I've got an acquaintanceworks in a jewelry store.

I'll have him in here
to appraise this.

Here's our plantation, orwhat's left of it, here.

-You have no idea how stupidand horrid you're being.

Now, close that trunk beforeshe comes out the bathroom.

Now, I'm going to
go outside, and I

want you to come with me whileBlanche is getting dressed.

-Since when do you
give me orders?

-Are you going to stay
here and insult her?

-You're damn tootin'
I'm going to stay here!

-You are not!

You-- you animal!

-Animal?

HELENE: Yes!

-I'll teach you!

HELENE: Ah!

- --animal, you!

-Don't you dare call me names!

-I'll call you what I like.

HELENE: No you won't, and you--

-Stupid!

-Ah!

Don't you hit me either!

Brute, you, you monster!

[yells]

-George.

-[gasp]

-What do you want?

-[scream]

-Oh, yes, Ms. Galfrid.

I'm sorry.

We're-- we're finished.

Uh, there won't
be any more noise.

I'm very sorry.

-Oh!

-Was that all right?

-Oh, uh, for a first reading,that wasn't too bad, Harry.

Yeah.

Is there a chance
I get the part?

-Uh, I think we can safelysay that we're-- we're leaning

powerfully in your
direction, Harry.

Helene.

Miss Shaw.

-Huh.

-Uh, the part of
Stella is yours.

You were just great.

-I had no idea you had
that much fire in you.

Skyrockets, pinwheels,
Roman candles.

-Uh, Helene.

You have my permission to go.

-Oh.

OK.

-Well, she's certainly notin that bottle anymore.

MAN: He's OK, now.

MAN: Oh, sure.

My boy's all right.

MAN: Put him on the bed
and get a wet towel.

MAN: I think coffee woulddo him a world of good.

-Oh, my!

MAN: A cold shower.

-Let go of me, you
son of a bitch.

-Let's get the hell out of here!

-Poker should not be playedin a house with women.

Yes!

I want my girl to
come down here.

-Ha.

-Stella!

[sobbing]

GEORGE: OK.

OK.

Terrific.

Good, good, good, good, good.

Harry and Helene.

Listen, you can save somethingfor the actual performance.

You're going to burnyourselves out, all right?

You're going to
burn yourselves out.

OK.

I'll see you at
7:00 tomorrow night.

-All right.

-All right?

-OK.

-Good rehearsal.

[chattering]

-Lydia, do we have a playor do we have a play?

-What play?

There isn't any
play going on now.

-What?

-Hey you.

You through with me?

-What?

-[YELLING] Can I go home now?

-Sure, Harry, yeah.

-You aren't directing
this play, George.

-What do y-- what
are you saying?

What do you mean I'm
not directing this play?

Who is?

LYDIA: Mother
Nature at her worst.

What's going to happen to thatgirl when she discovers what

Harry really is, what
Harry really isn't?

-I told the phone
company that I don't

want to be moved around anymore.

-Really?

-Mhm.

What do you think about that?

-Oh.

What do I think?

-Mhm.

-Well, as club director,
I'd say I'm very glad.

-Club director?

What about George Johnson?

-Uh, well, I'd say should youmake that kind of decision now?

-George, I feel like my
life is just beginning.

I've never been this happy.

-Does Harry know you
decided to, uh, stay?

-He's totally preoccupiedwith learning his lines

and getting into his
role and everything.

-Yeah.

If he gets any
further into his role,

he'll never get
out of it. [laugh]

-[laugh]

-You know, if I
had a daughter, I'd

want her to be just like you.

-You're so sweet.

-Thank you, but I mean it.

-If I was your daughter, whatadvice would you give me?

Oh, advice?

I'd-- I just want you tohave what you want to have.

Really, that's it.

Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

-All right, now.

When, uh-- when Lydia
says, uh-- what?

-What is it?

Is it for me?

-Yeah.

What is it?

Is it for me?

Then Hel-- Helene, dear, pleasepay attention, all right?

Then Helene, you come
down here at that point.

And Stanley-- Harry, you
go over there, please.

OK?

OK.

Let's see.

What else?

What else is there?

I think I hear a bit
of an earthquake.

I wonder if-- oh, that mustbe Albert's stomach grumbling.

OK.

Let's break.

-OK, everybody.

That's 20 minutes for lunch.

-20 minutes.

GEORGE: Oh.

-You know, Helene, as
the leading actors,

we should really get to
know one another better.

A friend of mine said--

-Not right now, Albert.

May I join you?

-Sure.

-Would you-- would you
maybe like one of these?

No.

Go ahead.

Really.

-I'll take that.

-[laugh]

Um, mmm!

How about some nice hot soup?

OK?

I mean, really, you shouldeat much better meals, Harry.

You know, you have to
keep up your energy.

Yeah.

Oh.

You know, if-- if, um, I wereto stay a little bit longer

in North Crawford, I'd
be very glad to make

you some really good meals.

I mean, if you-- if
you'd like me to.

I know how you men areabout your mom's cooking--

-[exhale]

- --and everything.

Um--

-Sorry.

-My mom was a wonderful cook.

She taught me how to cookwhen I was just a little girl.

I bet your mom's
a great cook, huh?

-No.

-Oh, come on.

-I don't know.

-What do you mean
you don't know?

-I w-- found.

-Found?

-On the steps of the
Unitarian church.

-On the steps?

-I was told.

-No.

Um, there's still--

-Take that.

-But-- don't-- this
is-- it's [inaudible].

-Oh, this is terrible!

-Absolute lunacy.

[commotion]

--[crying] I want
to get out of here!

I want to get out!

-Poker should not be playedin a house with women!

-I want my sister's
clothes! [inaudible]

to that woman upstairs.

-Where are the clothes?

-OK, great.

Great, great, great.

Lydia, leap up on that line.

Leap up and move.

Helene, magnificent.

Ah.

OK.

Do not block him, all right?

OK.

Thank you.

It looks fantastic.

We've got a hit.

-Everybody be here 6:30
on Thursday, got it?

-These evening rehearsalsare tiring, aren't they?

How are you and Harry
getting along, Helene?

-Mmm.

Harry. [laugh] You
know, Helene, I once

played Ann Rutledge
opposite Harry.

He was Abraham Lincoln.

-Oh, that must have been heaven.

-It was, in a way.

Sometimes I'd get
so caught up I'd

loved Harry like I'd
love Abraham Lincoln.

[laugh] I'd have to
come back to Earth

and remind myself that he wasn'tever going to free the slaves,

that he was just a clerk inmy husband's hardware store.

-He's the most marvelous
man I've ever met.

-One thing you have to
get set for when you're

in a play with Harry
is what happens

after the last performance.

-What are you talking about?

-Once the play is over, whateveryou thought Harry was just

evaporates into thin air.

-[laugh] I don't believe you.

-Well, I admit it's
hard to believe.

-What are you telling me for?

Why do you think that I care?

-I don't know, I just thoughtyou might find it interesting.

-Well, I don't.

-Two minutes to curtain,
everybody-- two minutes

to curtain!

Everybody in their spot.

-It sounds like--

-I didn't hear your name.

-My name's not on the sign.

-George--

-I didn't [inaudible]
on the sign.

-Oh, yeah.

Fine.

Great.

That's--

[chattering]

-It's going to get hung upif you move it that way.

[chattering]

-Just move it in there.

It's going to get hung up.

I'm telling you.

-All right.

-Well, George.

This is your big night.

-Oh.

And we've got a full house.

-Yes.

We have.

-Oh.

-Well, George, break a leg.

-OK.

it both legs.

-Hey there, Stella, baby!

-Don't holler at me like that.

Hi Mitch.

-Catch.

-What?

-This meat.

[laughter]

-Where are you going?

-Bowling.

-Can I come watch?

-Sure.

-Blanche! [crying] Oh.

Blanche!

Blanche!

-Stella.

-[crying]

-Move.

Stella.

What are you looking at?

Stella.

Come on, baby, don't--don't do-- Stella, come on.

Stella.

-The name of this
game-- Seven-Card Stud.

[applause]

-No, no, really.

-Oh, Helene, you
were spectacular.

Goodnight, dear.

-Oh, listen-- OK.

I'll see. you later.

I'm going to see you.

Helene!

-What did I do wrong?

Did I insult him or something?

-Oh, no.

No.

He does that after
every performance.

The minute that curtaincomes down, he clears out.

He's gone.

That's what we've been
trying to tell you.

-What about Saturday?

Will he go to the cast party?

-Oh, no.

Harry never goes
to parties-- never.

Never.

It--

MAN: Helene, you were terrific!

-Listen.

When that curtain
comes down, that's

the last anybody's going tosee of him until he turns up

for work on Monday.

-How long has he been this way?

-As long as I can remember.

-How sad.

-Good night, Helene.

-Thanks, Andy.

Goodnight.

-Thanks.

-Bye.

-Well, I'm sure glad whenyour club starts a new play.

-Why?

-The profits always jump.

-Oh, poor Harry.

-I saw you in the
play last night.

Stanley, you were great!

You were great.

-You can come break myplates any time, Stanley.

-[laugh]

-Oh.

-Hello, Harry.

-Can I help you with something?

-Can you help me?

Um, uh, yes.

I was, um-- I'm looking
for a potholder.

-There's a nice one.

I'll get it.

No, Harry-- um.

I'm really sorry about theother night-- asking you

about your mother.

Really.

I didn't know.

-It's OK.

-No, really.

I'm very sorry.

I-- I understand now
why-- why you're so shy.

I-- you know, I'm-- I'm really--I'm really a very-- ahh.

I'm really a very
shy person too.

I mean, if, um-- if Georgehadn't asked me to audition,

I never would've met you.

And, I mean, you're-- you'rereally the person who's helped

me to overcome my fear.

-If tomorrow's performancegoes anything like this,

I won't be able to show
my face on the street.

-I don't know how thetown will survive, Albert.

-What's all this stuff?

-Honey, it's Blanche's birthday.

-Honey, it's-- it's
Blanche's birthday.

-Is she here?

-Well, she's in the bathroom.

-Soaking in a hot tub?

HELENE: I, um-- yeah.

I reckon so.

-The temperature's 100
degrees on the nose,

and she soaks in a hot tub.

HELENE: I reckon so.

-She says it cools her off.

-She says it cools her
off for the evening.

-Ah.

-Oh.

[chattering]

-It was an off night.

Whatever.

-All right.

Nobody go home in 10
minutes [inaudible].

-Hi Dad.

-Hi, honey. ow you doing?

-All Harry here?

-Look, girls.

I don't think you should
bother Harry today.

-Ohh!

[crashing noise]

-Harry!

Is everything all right, Harry?

-What's wrong with Harry?

-Nothing a goodpsychiatrist couldn't cure.

-Blanche! [crying] Blanche!

-Stella.

Stella.

Stella.

Oh, ba--

MAN: The name of this
game is Seven-Card Stud.

-Harry, you guys were great!

-Oh, thank you.

-I have to go.

-Where?

-Home.

-Oh.

Wouldn't-- wouldn't youtake me to the cast party?

-Not much on parties.

-Well then, um--
I'll let you go,

if you just promise
me one thing.

-What's that?

-Will you promise you'll juststay here, just for a second?

I'm going to go run
and get your present.

-Present?

-Yeah.

You promise?

-OK.

-You sure?

-OK.

-Harry, you were so wonderful.

I loved it.

-Harry, you really
were Stanley tonight.

Real good.

-Harry.

-Sorry.

-You were both wonderful.

-Oh, Doris.

Thank you.

-Congratulations.

-Thanks.

-Oh, uh, no, no.

You have to open it please.

Wow.

Harry Nash.

Thanks.

-Um, the-- the marker's
at my favorite scene.

-Uh huh.

-Don't you want to knowwhat my favorite scene is?

-Sure.

-Good.

What's in a name?

That which we call a
rose by any other name

would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would worry
not, Romeo called--

retain that dear
perfection which

he owes without that title.

Romeo, doff thy name and for thyname which is no part of thee,

take all myself.

Look what Romeo says.

You want to read
what Romeo says?

-I take thee.

I take thee at thy word.

Call me but love, and
I'll be new baptized.

Henceforth-- I never
will be Romeo-- never.

-Well, what man art thou thatthus bescreened in night,

so stumblest on my counsel?

-By a name, I know nothow to tell thee who I am.

By name, dear saint,
is hateful to myself

because it is an enemy to thee.

-My ears have yet not drunk 100words of thy tongues uttering,

yet I know the sound.

Art thou not Romeo,
and a Montague?

-Neither, fair saint,
if either thee dislike.

-How came is thou
hither, tell me.

And wherefore the orchard wallsare high and hard to climb,

and the place,
death, considering

who thou art, if any ofmy kinsmen find thee here.

-With love's light wings thatI o'erperch these walls--

with love's light wings that
I o'erperch these walls,

for stony limits
cannot hold love out.

And what love can do
that dares love attempt,

therefore thy kinsmen
are no stop to me.

[laugh]

-[laugh]

-I've never seen such[inaudible] anybody in my life.

-They sure are creating
a stir around here.

-This town could
use some stirring.

-Here you go.

-Hey, [inaudible].

-Thank you.

-Hi [inaudible].

-Oh, I see Lydia's got youback working for a living, huh?

-Yeah.

-What happen, Harry quit?

-No.

He's taking inventory.

-Oh, good.

I want to talk to him
about the new play.

-Harry?

-Hey, uh, how are the
lovebirds, by the way?

-Oh, those two are floatingaround on a pink cloud.

-What else did you expect?

-Oh, hello.

-Oh.

Hi, Helene.

-Hi.

I was just in the neighborhood.

I thought maybe Harry
might be around.

-Uh, Harry?

-Oh.

Hey.

-Hi.

-[laugh]

-Charming day.

Miss Fairfax.

-Pray, don't talk to me aboutthe weather, Mr. Worthing.

Um, whenever people talk
to me about the weather,

I'm quite certain they
mean something else.

-They do-- mean something else.

-I thought so.

-Miss Fairfax, ever
since I met you,

I've admired you
more than any girl

I ever met since I met you.

-Yes.

I'm quite aware of that fact.

And my ideal has always
been to love someone

with the name Ernest.

I mean, there's
something in that name

that inspires
absolute confidence.

-Do you mean you love me too?

Gwendolyn?

-Passionately, my own Ernest.

-But you don't mean to saythat you couldn't love me

if my name wasn't Ernest.

-But your name is Ernest.

-Yes, I know.

It is.

But supposing it
was something else.

Do you mean to say you
couldn't love me then?

-But that's clearlymetaphysical speculation.

-I must say, I--
I think there are

lots of other much nicer names.

Harry, for instance.

That's a charming name.

-Harry.

No, there's very little music inthe name Harry, if any at all.

It doesn't thrill.

-I must get christened at once.

I mean, we must get
married at once.

-Married, Mr. Worthing?

-Surely you know
that I love you.

And you've led me to
believe that you're not

absolutely indifferent to me.

-I adore you.

But you haven't
proposed to me yet.

-Well, may I propose to you now?

-I think this is an
admirable opportunity.

But in order to spare youany possible disappointment,

I think it only fair to tellyou frankly, beforehand,

that I'm totallydetermined to accept you.

-Gwendolyn.

-Yes, Mr. Worthing?

Do you have something
to say to me?

-Will you marry me?

-Of course I will, my darling.

In how long you have
been in getting to it,

I don't think that you'vehave very much practice in how

to propose.

-I've never loved anyone
in the world but you.

-I hope that after
we marry, you'll

always look at me just likethis-- especially in front

of other people.

[laughter]

How are you all?

Obviously not as
happy as you two are.

[laughter]

-Well, George, you
know, this week

I've been pursued by Mark Antonyand romanced by Henry Higgins,

loved by Henry V, and I was justproposed to by Ernest Worthing.

-Oh!

-But don't you think I'mjust about the luckiest girl

in town?

-Listen-- not only do I thinkso, but most of the, uh,

women in town think
so too, might I say.

-Well, they had their chance.

-[laugh]

-Probably most of themcouldn't stand the excitement.

-I don't think-- I don'tknow if you've heard or not,

but I've been asked to
direct the next play.

-George, that's wonderful.

-Thank you.

I, uh-- I was just
wondering if you two

might be available for the cast.

-Who are we this time?