American Housewife (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 16 - Episode #3.16 - full transcript
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Why do I let Greg
drag me to these stupid
Westport Historical Guild things?
I haven't seen this many dorks
since my high school's
Model UN conference.
Everyone's lucky I'm not
busting in with my posse
and water balloons full
of pudding this time.
Being an adult blows.
My favorite historic site on
the Connecticut registry
is definitely the Walker House,
built by Major Ebenezer Dooley...
Captain Ebenezer Dooley.
The house was built in 1795.
Ebenezer was yet to be promoted.
Nice catch.
Ah, yes, Ebenezer Dooley.
Remembered for his amazing
legacy of leaving parties early.
Let's honor him by getting
the hell out of here.
Wait, Katie, I want you to meet Dane.
He's one of our Guild's new members.
Nice to meet you, Katie.
Are you a history buff as well?
The buffest.
Greg, you said this mixer
was from 7:00 to 9:00.
It's 9:03, better shut this down
before tempers start to flare.
Whose temper's gonna flare?
Hey, numbnuts, what you looking at?
Okay. We should go.
I should head out as well.
I need to adjust my humidor.
Oh, you're into cigars?
Oh, God, no.
My humidor is filled with
historical pantaloons
from the Revolutionary War.
- Gotta keep 'em damp.
- Oh, that's true.
Dane, is your wife into
pantaloons as well?
Oh, I'm not married.
I know.
Nice to meet you, Katie.
And, Greg, let me know
about tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night?
There's not another mixer, right?
No, he wants to hang out.
He wants to hang out with you?
Even with that haircut?
It actually sounds like a fun night,
but inviting me over to hang out?
- Who does that?
- That's what adults do
when they want to make friends.
I don't need friends, I have you.
True, but it puts a lot of
pressure on me
to be your everything...
Your wife, your friend,
your co-parent,
your person who looks away
when you put lotion on
your elbows like this.
I guess I could give Dane a shot.
It'd be nice to come
to one of these things
and not have you yell "BO-RING"
every time someone brings up history.
I don't do that every time.
Sometimes I pretend that
I'm hard of hearing.
Yeah, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
Hm?
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
Look at this. Cooper, on a yacht.
He said he couldn't hang out with me
because he was gonna be
with his parents all weekend.
Cooper's parents were actually in town?
That's what he said.
But look at this...
I went to Facebook...
Old people Internet.
...and his parents posted
a picture of them
on a different yacht in
a totally different ocean.
He just didn't want to invite me
to his yacht party, so he lied.
It was only a matter of time
before Cooper got tired of his
poor friend mooching off of him.
You really think that's true?
That's what happened with me
and the Blondetourage.
As soon as they realized
I wasn't a privileged princess
like them,
they dropped me like a hot tomato.
It's, "drop you like a hot potato."
No, it's not.
Why would you ever drop a hot potato?
Hot potatoes are French fries.
- They're delicious.
- Oh, my God.
Why don't you just ask Cooper
about the picture?
That's not how you handle things
in high school.
You need to hurt Cooper
like he hurt you.
You need to get Insta-revenge.
Huh.
Good call. Take the dumb one's advice.
- Hey!
- I wasn't talking about you.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Have fun at Dane's!
Ahh, a night without Greg.
I'm going to do whatever I want.
The first thing is getting
a babysitter for Anna-Kat.
Next I'm going to run
a half-full dishwasher.
Greg says it's a waste of water,
blah blah.
And I'm going to watch as many
"Fast and Furious" movies
as I want without Greg
always complaining
about how no one wears seatbelts.
Hey!
Hey, honey!
How did it go with Dane?
Ah, we had so much fun.
He has an Eyecom 6000 microfiche reader.
We looked at local proposed amendments
- from the 1920s for hours.
- Mm.
Sometimes the city council
would tackle public schools
and zoning in the same meeting.
Roaring '20s, indeed.
Wow.
That sounds... wow.
It was wow.
I think I have a new friend.
- That's great, sweetheart.
- I know.
So the Guild's "Party Like
It's 1799" shindig is coming up,
and you have to be fitted
for your bonnet.
Hey, why don't you go with your
new pal Dane instead of me?
Sure. That would work.
I'm sorry.
Did I say the wrong thing?
Was that a test?
No, it's just that I am so happy
that I don't have to go.
This is all ready.
If I am not home,
then somebody needs to put it
in the oven at 5:00.
Since when do you like Mom so much?
Yeah, what the hell, Oliver?
I told you... I don't have a will.
He's taking pictures
to post on social media
to get back at Cooper
for blowing him off.
Yeah. What's the one thing
Cooper wants most
but can't have?
Mom.
For some reason, he loves
the way she yells at him
and that all of her recipes
are basically meat
plus supermarket seasoning packets.
You guys drive yourselves crazy
with this social media.
When I was in high school, if
you had a problem with someone
you challenged them to a fight,
and you wore your biggest rings
and you sucker-punched them
right before it started.
Okay, have a great day at school.
Dane has been to so many battle sites.
Look at this picture from his
trip to the Battle of Yorktown.
Hashtag Battle of Forktown.
Because he's eating lunch.
This guy is too much!
He's a riot.
Listen, tonight let's pajama-up
and finally finish that puzzle
that's all candy bars.
Oh, I can't, I have plans.
You're Greg.
You don't have plans.
Oh, Dane invited me to climb
Sheffield Lighthouse
after work and I said yes.
Wow, you and Dane are really
getting serious.
You think?
We can finish the puzzle another night.
- Is that okay?
- Sure.
Go enjoy a night out
with your new friend.
Is Greg blowing me off?
Luthor, has he said anything to you?
I see.
Bros before hoes.
...and then on Sunday, Greg and Dane did
the "Benjamin Franklin ate here!" tour.
Ugh, that sounds terrible.
It's just a lot of time for Greg
to be spending with one friend.
I get to be upset about this, right?
No. You and Greg spend
way too much time together.
Richard and I see each other
four times a month.
Twice to get my allowance,
and two bone days.
Look, Greg having a friend
means less pressure on you.
Now when you don't want to do
something with Greg,
you don't have to feel guilty
because he has Dane.
Mm! And since he has plans,
you can finally come
to Girls' Night Out.
- Yes.
- Oh, yes!
I'm never free for Girls' Night Out.
Let's do this.
So Girls' Night Out is just
doing the same thing, but at night?
And with wine.
- Hey.
- What do you want?
Your mom made meatloaf.
I always come over for meatloaf.
You forgot to text me, but no
big... saw it on Instagram.
I didn't forget.
We don't really invite each
other to things anymore, right?
Huh? No comprende.
Well, maybe you'll comprende this.
I saw your Insta from the yacht party.
Oh.
Well, technically the boat
was barely 33 feet,
so it's more of a cabin cruiser...
No, I get it,
I'm your little charity case,
and you're done bringing me
around to your parties
- with your rich friends.
- Whoa, amigo,
you're coming in a little caliente.
You don't have to slum it
around here anymore.
Go back to your mansion.
Well, technically it's an estate...
So, you have a nice night?
The best.
I wish you could have seen
the view from the lighthouse.
Oh, Dane posted some pictures...
I can show you my Instagram.
You're on Instagram?
Dane set it up for me.
My handle's "Gerg Otto."
I wanted to fix it,
but Dane thought it was funny.
What are you laughing at?
Just something Dane said.
Dane.
- Whoa.
- What is that?
Just a D pic.
- Wait, what?
- A D pic.
A Dane pic. It's a pic of Dane.
Oh, you've got to stop
abbreviating things.
You're going to get into trouble.
Hmm. How was your evening?
So fun.
Not microfiche fun, but right up there.
So, tomorrow night
I was thinking that...
I'm sorry, I'm going out with Dane.
Again?
Why am I just now hearing about this?
You're not.
You said I should go with him
to the "Party Like It's 1799"
shindig, remember?
Oh, right.
- You want me to cancel?
- No. No, no, no, no.
Go have fun catching smallpox
and starting every sentence with "ye."
Dane used a filter to make us look like
we're part of Mount Rushmore.
Fun stuff.
Turn off the phone
and go to sleep, Gerg.
Dane. Come on in.
Greg, your friend's here.
Did you know that your house
is built on the spot
where the Pequot Indians
first broke bread
with the white settlers?
Oh, that's boring.
So, is everyone dressing up?
Because the cape feels
a little over-the...
- Cape bros!
- Cape bros!
All right, honey, we're leaving.
Oh, good. Because I have a lot
of plans tonight, too.
Oh, great, what are you doing?
A little of this, a little of that.
A whole lot of the other thing.
You know how I do.
Super vague, but have fun.
No, Doris, it's okay.
I didn't realize that it
was the 16th already.
I need to put you and Richard's
bone days in my calendar.
Yeah, I already tried Angela.
She is watching videos
of Robin Roberts on YouTube.
I know.
Go bone. I'll talk to you later.
Am I desperate enough to hang
out with Anna-Kat and Franklin?
Yep!
What are you guys doing?
Nothing.
Sounds like you guys
are having a lot of fun.
We're not.
When is she leaving?
- Guess I'll just go downstairs.
- 'Kay.
Look at this.
Cooper was on a WaveRunner
having fun without me.
Look at this.
Right now your dad is at a party.
Having fun without me.
I can't stop looking at my phone.
Now I know what you guys go
through with social media.
Makes you feel like a loser, doesn't it?
- We are losers.
- Total losers.
We're garbage, human garbage.
We should crawl into a dumpster.
- And curl up and die.
- Yeah.
Maybe you and I shouldn't be
around each other right now.
Trip!
I didn't know you were over.
I'm so happy to see you.
Wow, Mrs. A.
I haven't been hugged like this
since I told my English teacher
I was dropping his class.
Mom, don't be weird.
So, Dad is out again with
his new best friend Dane.
Whatever. Who needs Dad? Not me.
I have you guys. What are you doing?
I have to observe the meteor
shower for homework,
and Trip said he'd keep me company.
- I'm in.
- I didn't invite you.
Well, I didn't mean to have you,
so now we're even.
Oh, wait. Meteor shower.
Better grab an umbrella.
Always thinking.
You shall not destroy me!
Show me what you got!
What are you guys doing?
Mom already tried to crash our playdate.
Find your own friend.
I don't have a friend.
Yes, you do. Go talk to Cooper.
What happened to Cooper...
Cooper the Pooper.
Genius.
He lied to me about his plans
so he could go to a yacht party
without me last weekend.
That's not last weekend.
What are you talking about?
Look... Those are Fourth
of July napkins.
How did you even notice that?
- I love themed napkins.
- He really does.
It makes Christmas shopping a breeze.
It is the Fourth of July.
Why would Cooper lie to me
and post an old photo?
Go talk to him and find out.
I think I will.
Thanks, Franklin.
- What?
- It's not you.
It's just when a woman
has an idea, he ignores it,
but when a man says the same
thing, he's suddenly all ears.
I wish I was all ears.
Stupid nose.
Sorry we haven't seen anything yet.
Ah, don't worry about it.
I could stay out here
all night with you.
I've got Bugles. I've got Combos.
I've got Chicken In A Biskit.
Ooh, Chicken In A Biskit!
Mom, you really don't need to be here.
Look! There's a meteor!
- Wow!
- No, wait. That's a plane.
- A shooting star!
- Wow!
Nope! Another plane.
Is that Doris or Angela?
It's probably an emergency.
No time to take it, just go.
Dane just put up more photos
of him and your dad at the 1799 party.
They're assembling muskets,
cobbling shoes,
and churning butter together.
That stuff's so cool.
Your generation was so lucky
you got to do all that.
Look at how your dad is smiling at Dane.
Look at how much fun they're having.
He should be having fun with me.
You need to go down there and show him
you are way more fun than Dane.
- You think I should?
- Absolutely.
You need to let Dane know
he's the third wheel.
You know, somebody who wants
to hang out with a couple
when the couple really
wants to be left alone.
- I can take a hint.
- No, no, no! Not you!
Hey, Katie. What are you doing here?
I am reliving the past
with an eye towards the future.
Oh, my God. Katie, thank you
for paying attention
to the Guild's mission.
Of course. I listen.
Where's Dane?
He's at the mead pong table.
He's dominating. No one can beat him.
He's so cool.
You think dominating beer pong is cool?
Great.
I will be back.
I'm from Florida.
They teach beer pong in school
as an elective.
Hmm.
Hey.
Hey, Katie, you made it. Great!
We'll see how great you think
it is once your reign is over.
Ye on.
I'm dominating.
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink!
Suck a musket, Dane.
Yeah! Whoo!
Drink, drink, drink!
Drink, drink, drink!
Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink!
Yeah! In your face!
C'mon, everybody...
Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane...
Katie, could I speak to you
by the stocks, please?
Yeah.
How is this fun for you?
It's not. My cellphone rang
during a re-enactment.
It was the third time.
I hate nerds so much.
What was that all about?
I don't want you doing all this
stuff with Dane every night.
You encouraged me
to be friends with him.
Well, that was stupid.
And it takes up too much of your time.
You're jealous.
That's amazing.
I should have gotten
a new friend years ago.
I just... miss you.
I wanted you to find a new friend,
but not a new best friend.
I'm supposed to be your best friend.
Sweetie, I like Dane, but you
will always be my best friend.
You're hands-down my favorite
person to do stuff with.
- Really?
- Of course.
I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that.
And to prove it, I'll take
you out for a fun night.
- I'd like that.
- Done.
You know, next week is the unveiling
of the Wesley Lyon headstone restoration
at the Willowbrook Cemetery.
You can do that with Dane.
Could somebody give me a hand?!
Hey, Chambers let me in.
Please have Chambers
reassigned to the bowling alley...
shoe rentals.
Didn't know you had
an arcade in your basement.
In the winter it's an ice-skating rink.
Oh, yeah.
So what you want?
I just wanted to say I was sorry.
I was mad because I thought
you blew me off.
Why would you think that?
Because when I saw you on that yacht
I thought you lied to me
about being with your parents.
And then I realized it
was just an old picture.
Why'd you post that?
Because instead of hanging out with me,
my parents bailed to
go sailing with the son
of Dubai's Minister of Foreign Affairs.
They were with someone else's son.
I just didn't want anyone to know.
- Dude, that sucks.
- Yeah.
I guess I just thought
you were sick of slumming it
with your poor friend.
What?
Dude, that's never going to happen.
I don't care how much money you have.
- Really?
- Of course.
Plus, we're the richest family
in Westport.
Literally everyone is beneath me.
Uh, how many tickets
do I need for that drone?
How many tickets do you have?
- Uh, 14.
- 14 tickets.
Well done.
I know it's kind of sad that
he's just giving me things
that I already own...
but it's sadder for him, right?
I'll answer that.
It's sadder for me.
See?
Are we bueno?
Muy bueno.
All right, see you in a couple weeks.
I'll be here.
Is this, like, your full-time job?
Ouch.
Yes. Yes, it is.
And I'm... I'm almost 50 years old.
Go.
Meatloaf, my fave!
The only way this could be better
is if your mom was here, too.
I'm here, you dingbat!
Muy bonita, Mrs. Otto!
You also look really pretty.
Thank you.
I'm your father's date tonight.
We compromised.
First we're gonna go
candle-making... yawn.
Then we're gonna grab dinner
and see The Rock's new movie... groan.
If you don't want to fight
traffic, you can catch the 8:15
at the theater in my basement.
If you're in the mood for an
indie, theater two is showing...
Shut up and eat, Cooper.
That's the stuff.
Here, let me get a picture.
Everyone together.
Everybody smile.
- Did you get it?
- Here, hold on.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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Why do I let Greg
drag me to these stupid
Westport Historical Guild things?
I haven't seen this many dorks
since my high school's
Model UN conference.
Everyone's lucky I'm not
busting in with my posse
and water balloons full
of pudding this time.
Being an adult blows.
My favorite historic site on
the Connecticut registry
is definitely the Walker House,
built by Major Ebenezer Dooley...
Captain Ebenezer Dooley.
The house was built in 1795.
Ebenezer was yet to be promoted.
Nice catch.
Ah, yes, Ebenezer Dooley.
Remembered for his amazing
legacy of leaving parties early.
Let's honor him by getting
the hell out of here.
Wait, Katie, I want you to meet Dane.
He's one of our Guild's new members.
Nice to meet you, Katie.
Are you a history buff as well?
The buffest.
Greg, you said this mixer
was from 7:00 to 9:00.
It's 9:03, better shut this down
before tempers start to flare.
Whose temper's gonna flare?
Hey, numbnuts, what you looking at?
Okay. We should go.
I should head out as well.
I need to adjust my humidor.
Oh, you're into cigars?
Oh, God, no.
My humidor is filled with
historical pantaloons
from the Revolutionary War.
- Gotta keep 'em damp.
- Oh, that's true.
Dane, is your wife into
pantaloons as well?
Oh, I'm not married.
I know.
Nice to meet you, Katie.
And, Greg, let me know
about tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night?
There's not another mixer, right?
No, he wants to hang out.
He wants to hang out with you?
Even with that haircut?
It actually sounds like a fun night,
but inviting me over to hang out?
- Who does that?
- That's what adults do
when they want to make friends.
I don't need friends, I have you.
True, but it puts a lot of
pressure on me
to be your everything...
Your wife, your friend,
your co-parent,
your person who looks away
when you put lotion on
your elbows like this.
I guess I could give Dane a shot.
It'd be nice to come
to one of these things
and not have you yell "BO-RING"
every time someone brings up history.
I don't do that every time.
Sometimes I pretend that
I'm hard of hearing.
Yeah, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
Hm?
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
Look at this. Cooper, on a yacht.
He said he couldn't hang out with me
because he was gonna be
with his parents all weekend.
Cooper's parents were actually in town?
That's what he said.
But look at this...
I went to Facebook...
Old people Internet.
...and his parents posted
a picture of them
on a different yacht in
a totally different ocean.
He just didn't want to invite me
to his yacht party, so he lied.
It was only a matter of time
before Cooper got tired of his
poor friend mooching off of him.
You really think that's true?
That's what happened with me
and the Blondetourage.
As soon as they realized
I wasn't a privileged princess
like them,
they dropped me like a hot tomato.
It's, "drop you like a hot potato."
No, it's not.
Why would you ever drop a hot potato?
Hot potatoes are French fries.
- They're delicious.
- Oh, my God.
Why don't you just ask Cooper
about the picture?
That's not how you handle things
in high school.
You need to hurt Cooper
like he hurt you.
You need to get Insta-revenge.
Huh.
Good call. Take the dumb one's advice.
- Hey!
- I wasn't talking about you.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Have fun at Dane's!
Ahh, a night without Greg.
I'm going to do whatever I want.
The first thing is getting
a babysitter for Anna-Kat.
Next I'm going to run
a half-full dishwasher.
Greg says it's a waste of water,
blah blah.
And I'm going to watch as many
"Fast and Furious" movies
as I want without Greg
always complaining
about how no one wears seatbelts.
Hey!
Hey, honey!
How did it go with Dane?
Ah, we had so much fun.
He has an Eyecom 6000 microfiche reader.
We looked at local proposed amendments
- from the 1920s for hours.
- Mm.
Sometimes the city council
would tackle public schools
and zoning in the same meeting.
Roaring '20s, indeed.
Wow.
That sounds... wow.
It was wow.
I think I have a new friend.
- That's great, sweetheart.
- I know.
So the Guild's "Party Like
It's 1799" shindig is coming up,
and you have to be fitted
for your bonnet.
Hey, why don't you go with your
new pal Dane instead of me?
Sure. That would work.
I'm sorry.
Did I say the wrong thing?
Was that a test?
No, it's just that I am so happy
that I don't have to go.
This is all ready.
If I am not home,
then somebody needs to put it
in the oven at 5:00.
Since when do you like Mom so much?
Yeah, what the hell, Oliver?
I told you... I don't have a will.
He's taking pictures
to post on social media
to get back at Cooper
for blowing him off.
Yeah. What's the one thing
Cooper wants most
but can't have?
Mom.
For some reason, he loves
the way she yells at him
and that all of her recipes
are basically meat
plus supermarket seasoning packets.
You guys drive yourselves crazy
with this social media.
When I was in high school, if
you had a problem with someone
you challenged them to a fight,
and you wore your biggest rings
and you sucker-punched them
right before it started.
Okay, have a great day at school.
Dane has been to so many battle sites.
Look at this picture from his
trip to the Battle of Yorktown.
Hashtag Battle of Forktown.
Because he's eating lunch.
This guy is too much!
He's a riot.
Listen, tonight let's pajama-up
and finally finish that puzzle
that's all candy bars.
Oh, I can't, I have plans.
You're Greg.
You don't have plans.
Oh, Dane invited me to climb
Sheffield Lighthouse
after work and I said yes.
Wow, you and Dane are really
getting serious.
You think?
We can finish the puzzle another night.
- Is that okay?
- Sure.
Go enjoy a night out
with your new friend.
Is Greg blowing me off?
Luthor, has he said anything to you?
I see.
Bros before hoes.
...and then on Sunday, Greg and Dane did
the "Benjamin Franklin ate here!" tour.
Ugh, that sounds terrible.
It's just a lot of time for Greg
to be spending with one friend.
I get to be upset about this, right?
No. You and Greg spend
way too much time together.
Richard and I see each other
four times a month.
Twice to get my allowance,
and two bone days.
Look, Greg having a friend
means less pressure on you.
Now when you don't want to do
something with Greg,
you don't have to feel guilty
because he has Dane.
Mm! And since he has plans,
you can finally come
to Girls' Night Out.
- Yes.
- Oh, yes!
I'm never free for Girls' Night Out.
Let's do this.
So Girls' Night Out is just
doing the same thing, but at night?
And with wine.
- Hey.
- What do you want?
Your mom made meatloaf.
I always come over for meatloaf.
You forgot to text me, but no
big... saw it on Instagram.
I didn't forget.
We don't really invite each
other to things anymore, right?
Huh? No comprende.
Well, maybe you'll comprende this.
I saw your Insta from the yacht party.
Oh.
Well, technically the boat
was barely 33 feet,
so it's more of a cabin cruiser...
No, I get it,
I'm your little charity case,
and you're done bringing me
around to your parties
- with your rich friends.
- Whoa, amigo,
you're coming in a little caliente.
You don't have to slum it
around here anymore.
Go back to your mansion.
Well, technically it's an estate...
So, you have a nice night?
The best.
I wish you could have seen
the view from the lighthouse.
Oh, Dane posted some pictures...
I can show you my Instagram.
You're on Instagram?
Dane set it up for me.
My handle's "Gerg Otto."
I wanted to fix it,
but Dane thought it was funny.
What are you laughing at?
Just something Dane said.
Dane.
- Whoa.
- What is that?
Just a D pic.
- Wait, what?
- A D pic.
A Dane pic. It's a pic of Dane.
Oh, you've got to stop
abbreviating things.
You're going to get into trouble.
Hmm. How was your evening?
So fun.
Not microfiche fun, but right up there.
So, tomorrow night
I was thinking that...
I'm sorry, I'm going out with Dane.
Again?
Why am I just now hearing about this?
You're not.
You said I should go with him
to the "Party Like It's 1799"
shindig, remember?
Oh, right.
- You want me to cancel?
- No. No, no, no, no.
Go have fun catching smallpox
and starting every sentence with "ye."
Dane used a filter to make us look like
we're part of Mount Rushmore.
Fun stuff.
Turn off the phone
and go to sleep, Gerg.
Dane. Come on in.
Greg, your friend's here.
Did you know that your house
is built on the spot
where the Pequot Indians
first broke bread
with the white settlers?
Oh, that's boring.
So, is everyone dressing up?
Because the cape feels
a little over-the...
- Cape bros!
- Cape bros!
All right, honey, we're leaving.
Oh, good. Because I have a lot
of plans tonight, too.
Oh, great, what are you doing?
A little of this, a little of that.
A whole lot of the other thing.
You know how I do.
Super vague, but have fun.
No, Doris, it's okay.
I didn't realize that it
was the 16th already.
I need to put you and Richard's
bone days in my calendar.
Yeah, I already tried Angela.
She is watching videos
of Robin Roberts on YouTube.
I know.
Go bone. I'll talk to you later.
Am I desperate enough to hang
out with Anna-Kat and Franklin?
Yep!
What are you guys doing?
Nothing.
Sounds like you guys
are having a lot of fun.
We're not.
When is she leaving?
- Guess I'll just go downstairs.
- 'Kay.
Look at this.
Cooper was on a WaveRunner
having fun without me.
Look at this.
Right now your dad is at a party.
Having fun without me.
I can't stop looking at my phone.
Now I know what you guys go
through with social media.
Makes you feel like a loser, doesn't it?
- We are losers.
- Total losers.
We're garbage, human garbage.
We should crawl into a dumpster.
- And curl up and die.
- Yeah.
Maybe you and I shouldn't be
around each other right now.
Trip!
I didn't know you were over.
I'm so happy to see you.
Wow, Mrs. A.
I haven't been hugged like this
since I told my English teacher
I was dropping his class.
Mom, don't be weird.
So, Dad is out again with
his new best friend Dane.
Whatever. Who needs Dad? Not me.
I have you guys. What are you doing?
I have to observe the meteor
shower for homework,
and Trip said he'd keep me company.
- I'm in.
- I didn't invite you.
Well, I didn't mean to have you,
so now we're even.
Oh, wait. Meteor shower.
Better grab an umbrella.
Always thinking.
You shall not destroy me!
Show me what you got!
What are you guys doing?
Mom already tried to crash our playdate.
Find your own friend.
I don't have a friend.
Yes, you do. Go talk to Cooper.
What happened to Cooper...
Cooper the Pooper.
Genius.
He lied to me about his plans
so he could go to a yacht party
without me last weekend.
That's not last weekend.
What are you talking about?
Look... Those are Fourth
of July napkins.
How did you even notice that?
- I love themed napkins.
- He really does.
It makes Christmas shopping a breeze.
It is the Fourth of July.
Why would Cooper lie to me
and post an old photo?
Go talk to him and find out.
I think I will.
Thanks, Franklin.
- What?
- It's not you.
It's just when a woman
has an idea, he ignores it,
but when a man says the same
thing, he's suddenly all ears.
I wish I was all ears.
Stupid nose.
Sorry we haven't seen anything yet.
Ah, don't worry about it.
I could stay out here
all night with you.
I've got Bugles. I've got Combos.
I've got Chicken In A Biskit.
Ooh, Chicken In A Biskit!
Mom, you really don't need to be here.
Look! There's a meteor!
- Wow!
- No, wait. That's a plane.
- A shooting star!
- Wow!
Nope! Another plane.
Is that Doris or Angela?
It's probably an emergency.
No time to take it, just go.
Dane just put up more photos
of him and your dad at the 1799 party.
They're assembling muskets,
cobbling shoes,
and churning butter together.
That stuff's so cool.
Your generation was so lucky
you got to do all that.
Look at how your dad is smiling at Dane.
Look at how much fun they're having.
He should be having fun with me.
You need to go down there and show him
you are way more fun than Dane.
- You think I should?
- Absolutely.
You need to let Dane know
he's the third wheel.
You know, somebody who wants
to hang out with a couple
when the couple really
wants to be left alone.
- I can take a hint.
- No, no, no! Not you!
Hey, Katie. What are you doing here?
I am reliving the past
with an eye towards the future.
Oh, my God. Katie, thank you
for paying attention
to the Guild's mission.
Of course. I listen.
Where's Dane?
He's at the mead pong table.
He's dominating. No one can beat him.
He's so cool.
You think dominating beer pong is cool?
Great.
I will be back.
I'm from Florida.
They teach beer pong in school
as an elective.
Hmm.
Hey.
Hey, Katie, you made it. Great!
We'll see how great you think
it is once your reign is over.
Ye on.
I'm dominating.
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink!
Suck a musket, Dane.
Yeah! Whoo!
Drink, drink, drink!
Drink, drink, drink!
Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink!
Yeah! In your face!
C'mon, everybody...
Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane sucks!
- Dane sucks! Dane...
Katie, could I speak to you
by the stocks, please?
Yeah.
How is this fun for you?
It's not. My cellphone rang
during a re-enactment.
It was the third time.
I hate nerds so much.
What was that all about?
I don't want you doing all this
stuff with Dane every night.
You encouraged me
to be friends with him.
Well, that was stupid.
And it takes up too much of your time.
You're jealous.
That's amazing.
I should have gotten
a new friend years ago.
I just... miss you.
I wanted you to find a new friend,
but not a new best friend.
I'm supposed to be your best friend.
Sweetie, I like Dane, but you
will always be my best friend.
You're hands-down my favorite
person to do stuff with.
- Really?
- Of course.
I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that.
And to prove it, I'll take
you out for a fun night.
- I'd like that.
- Done.
You know, next week is the unveiling
of the Wesley Lyon headstone restoration
at the Willowbrook Cemetery.
You can do that with Dane.
Could somebody give me a hand?!
Hey, Chambers let me in.
Please have Chambers
reassigned to the bowling alley...
shoe rentals.
Didn't know you had
an arcade in your basement.
In the winter it's an ice-skating rink.
Oh, yeah.
So what you want?
I just wanted to say I was sorry.
I was mad because I thought
you blew me off.
Why would you think that?
Because when I saw you on that yacht
I thought you lied to me
about being with your parents.
And then I realized it
was just an old picture.
Why'd you post that?
Because instead of hanging out with me,
my parents bailed to
go sailing with the son
of Dubai's Minister of Foreign Affairs.
They were with someone else's son.
I just didn't want anyone to know.
- Dude, that sucks.
- Yeah.
I guess I just thought
you were sick of slumming it
with your poor friend.
What?
Dude, that's never going to happen.
I don't care how much money you have.
- Really?
- Of course.
Plus, we're the richest family
in Westport.
Literally everyone is beneath me.
Uh, how many tickets
do I need for that drone?
How many tickets do you have?
- Uh, 14.
- 14 tickets.
Well done.
I know it's kind of sad that
he's just giving me things
that I already own...
but it's sadder for him, right?
I'll answer that.
It's sadder for me.
See?
Are we bueno?
Muy bueno.
All right, see you in a couple weeks.
I'll be here.
Is this, like, your full-time job?
Ouch.
Yes. Yes, it is.
And I'm... I'm almost 50 years old.
Go.
Meatloaf, my fave!
The only way this could be better
is if your mom was here, too.
I'm here, you dingbat!
Muy bonita, Mrs. Otto!
You also look really pretty.
Thank you.
I'm your father's date tonight.
We compromised.
First we're gonna go
candle-making... yawn.
Then we're gonna grab dinner
and see The Rock's new movie... groan.
If you don't want to fight
traffic, you can catch the 8:15
at the theater in my basement.
If you're in the mood for an
indie, theater two is showing...
Shut up and eat, Cooper.
That's the stuff.
Here, let me get a picture.
Everyone together.
Everybody smile.
- Did you get it?
- Here, hold on.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com