American Horror Story (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 4 - Could It Be... Satan? - full transcript
The FX limited series, American Horror Story, returns for an eighth installment.
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---
To this day,
I don't know how she found me.
I was glad to finally find
a real home.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Bless us, Dark Lord,
for these thy gifts
which we are about to receive
from thy infernal bounty,
through the power
of Lucifer Eternal.
Nema.
I swear, the only other person
who liked this as much as you
was my first husband.
And that's why it was so easy
to poison him.
You're not gonna
poison me, are you?
Not if you clean your room,
like I asked you to.
You didn't really kill
your first husband, did you?
No.
I killed my first three
husbands.
You might as well
learn this now.
If something isn't working,
it's best to just cut the cord.
And make sure the insurance
policy's up to date.
That's evil.
Hell yeah.
I'm a devil mama.
She made me feel happy
and protected.
So you can understand
why I gave you her form
and her thoughts.
I need someone to help me
with the monumental task
of remaking this world.
Who better than the one person
I never stopped trusting
or loving?
Your jacket is stained.
So it is.
There's another one
in the dresser.
What do you think?
- Hail Satan.
- Not quite.
But I appreciate the sentiment.
Ms. Mead, I do believe
you're glowing.
For the first time, I feel
I know my place in the world.
By your side.
What is it?
A powerful presence.
What do you mean?
Everyone's dead.
Not anymore.
I don't know what's going on.
Bad news, bitch.
You're back from the dead.
- I'm what?
- Just breathe deeply.
You need time to get
your bearings.
Poor dear,
to be raised up and released
from an Identity Spell
at the same moment.
I cannot believe Brock shoved
a knife through my head.
That fucking bastard
better hope he's dead.
Wow. She's by far
the weakest among us
and seems to be handling it
the best.
People react to spells
in different ways.
I think the perfect antidote
to stoke the blood
and speed up
the recovery process
would be a spicy
gazpacho Andaluz.
You think the kitchen here
has a spice rack?
Can someone please tell me
what's going on?
What do you mean,
Identity Spell?
We placed it on you,
for your protection.
Coco, too.
It kept you from knowing
your true self.
Why?
Because you're special, Mallory.
And we need you.
We need all of you.
You're on your own
with that shit.
I made a billion dollars in TV,
and all I ever did
was straddle the fence.
I'm sure as hell not dumping
that strategy here, sisters.
I haven't promised anything.
I haven't signed anything.
And I'm not here
to defeat anyone.
Who cares? As if you could
ever defeat anyone
with that backwards voodoo shit.
How can any of you defeat me,
when I've already won?
You haven't won.
Perhaps you haven't noticed
the state of the world.
It's almost as bad
as your dinner jacket.
But at least the world
can be saved.
By you?
- By all of us.
- Hey.
Get the wax out of your ears.
I'm here to watch.
But I'm not.
Just don't let me
die again, okay?
It really sucked the first time.
When I'm done,
you'll all wish
you were still dead.
I always thought the world
would end with fire and ice,
not witches and warlocks.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Igneme accende. Igneme accende.
Ex forma mutata. Summa partes.
Remember, gentlemen,
a spell is much more than
a series of arcane words.
But it is the power you bring
to those words
that makes the magic.
Summa partes.
Ex forma mutata...
Mr. Banks.
If you ever expect to rise
beyond Level One,
you will arrive on time.
If punctuality
is too taxing for you,
join the Magic Castle
and do card tricks
with Neil Patrick Harris.
I'm sorry, sir.
And you forgot your book...
again.
Now let's see if you've been
practicing your spells,
or just fiddling with your wand.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Good. Keep going.
Your power is molecular.
Woven into your DNA.
See every atom.
Rearrange them.
Transform them.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Yes!
That's what I'm talking about,
gentlemen.
Mr. Chablis.
We've been summoned.
John Henry Moore.
Something must be
grotesquely important
for you to be stinking up my
office with that cancer stick.
I thought you quit.
I quit every week.
You might need one after
you've seen what I've seen.
Please allow our colleagues
to make their own
unbiased evaluation.
Ariel. Nobody told us
you were coming.
I'll make arrangements
for a celebration tonight.
The students can meet
their Grand Chancellor.
No.
There is something
much more pressing.
This was sent to me
by a sympathetic member
of the Los Angeles
Police Department.
Does that help with your memory?
I didn't do anything.
Except stab him
with five knives.
You were the only one there,
you sick little fuck.
I didn't touch those knives.
You won't find
my fingerprints anywhere.
Oh...
Save me.
Need a smoke?
Holy shit.
It's a classic case
of demonic possession.
Ariel, as much
as you want him to be,
the boy is not a warlock.
He's not the provocateur.
Look at him.
I disagree.
I think it was a-a manifestation
of wild energy.
It was out of control
but full of potency and promise.
Let's just say that you're right
and he was responsible.
Then his magic is
dark and volatile,
and we should leave him
the fuck alone.
Protection of our kind
has become
a matter of life and death.
Warlocks have always been
second-class citizens.
That doesn't mean
that we have to open our doors
to just anyone, especially him.
This school gave us direction.
His power can be harnessed
for good.
He could be the one
we've been waiting for.
Remember the prophecy.
You're talking about the Alpha.
The warlock who becomes
the Alpha
will have power
beyond comprehension.
His magic will exceed
that of the witches.
He could pass the test
of the Seven Wonders.
And supplant their Supreme.
The Alpha will allow us
to take our rightful place
at the top of the hierarchy.
Behold, what do you think?
I think you need to get
a face-to-face with that boy.
Wake up.
There's somebody here
to see you.
You're not a lawyer.
I'm a friend.
I don't have any friends.
I think maybe I can help you,
Michael, if you let me.
I saw the tape of your interview
with the detective.
It was impressive.
I'm not with the police
or social services
or any part of the government.
I'm a warlock... and
I think you're one.
A warlock?
Your whole life,
things have occurred around you
that you can't explain.
Maybe it was just a...
a fleeting thought you had.
An impulse.
A moment of rage.
But then it happened.
Like magic.
A warlock is someone
who can control that magic.
When that detective
was hurting you,
what went through your mind?
- Nothing.
- No.
You were frightened and angry,
so you lashed out
the only way you could.
You made some awful thoughts
come true.
I just wanted him to get away.
How did you end up in here?
I was defending someone.
Actually, the only person
who's never betrayed me.
You're not understanding
what I want.
I don't want goat meat.
I want a goat's head.
I need it for my incantations.
Lady, I can't sell you that.
Why? Are you only butchering
headless goats?
I'm not giving you the head
for some insane shit.
You're discriminating against
my religious beliefs,
Mr. Butcher Man.
Where's your manager?
I'm gonna talk to your manager.
You are rude.
Don't ever talk to her
like that.
Yeah?
Fuck you.
And fuck that batshit
crazy bitch.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
Michael, your life
is about to begin.
Time for us to go.
What the hell are you doing?
You said you just wanted
to talk to him.
He's innocent of all charges.
I'm taking him with me.
He's not going anywhere.
That was awesome!
He'll probably wet his pants,
but he'll be released unharmed
when we're gone.
Oh, I'm sure he won't
feel a thing.
I'm a true believer, Michael.
I'll be here for you.
Always.
Hail the new world.
Hail.
Hail the new world.
Boy's gonna
make me proud someday.
- This place is underground?
- It wasn't always.
An actual building
stood here once.
It was beautiful,
with big wooden beams
and giant glass windows
that let you see forever.
Problem was we could see out,
but others could see in.
In 2014, when Miss Cordelia
went on her publicity tour
and outed us to the world,
some locals decided they didn't
want us in their neighborhood.
They threw a little
Molotov cocktail party
and burned everything down.
All that was left standing was
the sculpture from the garden.
So we went underground again.
Literally.
Shall we?
I'd like you all
to meet Michael.
Like many of us
when we first arrived,
he is not sure that this
is the place for him.
But in the days to come,
we're going to show him that
not only is this
the only place he belongs,
but that he's finally found
his true home.
Now that you've
had time to settle
and you've immersed yourself
in the study of magic
here at the coven,
it's time to evaluate
and see where you stand.
Normally, this would happen
at the end of the first year.
Well, I've only been here
a month.
Well, seeing your progress,
we feel justified
in accelerating the process.
To begin, each warlock
at our school
is assigned a level,
one through four,
according to their talents
and the breadth of their powers.
Are you all level fours?
Sadly, you're looking
at a bunch of threes.
Sixes after a few cocktails.
A level four would mean
a warlock
that is categorically as
powerful as the female Supreme.
He would be the one
we call the Alpha.
We shouldn't burden the boy
with theory.
In the history of the coven,
there's never been
a level four warlock.
Let's see if he can pass
level one.
Scrying is the ability
to see things
in a reflective surface.
Messages, visions, prophecies.
But today, we're not looking
for the next Nostradamus.
All you need to do is to tell us
where we hid a particular book.
- The New...
- The New Adam and Eve.
By Hawthorne.
- First edition.
- Yes.
Well, that'll get
some extra credit.
Tremendous.
He was only tasked
with telling us
where the book was hidden.
Even you have to admit
that was impressive.
Impressive. And troubling.
Quite simply,
he ignored directions.
Salire per spatium.
The ability to transport
yourself instantly
throughout physical space.
Just pick a spot in the room,
envision yourself there,
and make it happen.
What are those things for?
Motivation.
Anything else?
You want me to dust up here?
This final test requires
an understanding
not only of magic,
but of nature.
Stiricidium.
Molecules of water
are all around us.
Change the weather
inside this room,
and turn the water into snow.
Beautiful!
Wow.
I can't breathe.
Enough!
I'm sorry.
I didn't know
that was inside of me.
You're testing your wings.
Once you're fully in control
of your powers,
you'll have
the confidence to soar.
Thank you for your spirited
participation, Michael.
You've given us
a lot to consider.
Everyone in this room
can do some of what he did.
Not a single one of us
can do it all.
He crushed every test,
surpassed all our expectations.
He is the most powerful warlock
I've ever seen,
and I've seen a few.
The witches' dominion over us
will soon be a thing
of the past.
Are you serious?
He almost killed us.
Can't you see that there is
a malevolence to his magic?
To him?
We should be afraid.
You can't corral the darkness.
Don't be afraid of Michael.
Be afraid of the status quo.
Be afraid to do nothing.
We have an obligation
to our kind, to our future,
to see if he can rise
and lead us
to our rightful place.
We can't stop now.
We're at the cusp.
This is the moment
when everything changes.
♪ ♪
It might seem easy
to alter the color of a flower,
but the rose is unique.
It resists change.
Why?
Empress Joséphine Bonaparte,
wife of Napoléon
and proud witch,
cultivated one of the largest
rose gardens in Europe.
It's said that Joséphine
enchanted her roses
so that the colors she produced
remained fixed
as she wanted them.
Hmm.
Maybe so.
But one thing's certain.
Nothing is immutable
when the will of a strong woman
is applied.
Now...
show me how strong you are.
Watch her.
You really think
she's something special?
I'll let you be the judge.
She has some ability,
no question.
Look.
My God.
She claims her grandmother
told her that her bloodline
stretches
- all the way back to Salem.
What is it?
The Hawthorne School
for Exceptional Young Men.
They called
an emergency council.
We're obliged
to get on a plane immediately.
Airline food for lunch when I
made reservations at Galatoires.
It's just too cruel.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Are you sure we couldn't have
made them come to us?
The rules are the rules.
Besides, did we really want
all those men
traipsing around our house?
♪ ♪
Let the record show that at
the request of Hawthorne School,
that we have assembled
an emergency meeting
of the council.
In order to address what must
surely be a matter of grave
and pressing importance.
Proceed.
Illustrious members,
I want to thank you for coming
and giving us the opportunity
to share with you
what we've discovered.
We recently took in a boy
here at the school.
At first, we thought
he was simply one of us,
a warlock who needed
our help and training.
But?
The things he did
were extraordinary,
and after conducting the
requisite test of his powers,
we came to the conclusion that
his abilities are so impressive
that they rise to the level
of Supreme.
Did you say this was
a boy, as in male?
Ariel,
you actually believe this?
We wouldn't have summoned
the council otherwise.
In all recorded history,
no man has ever approached
the level of Supreme.
Men are simply
not equal to women
when it comes
to magical ability.
Not to mention everything else.
Testosterone
is a known inhibitor.
It impedes access
to the ethereal realm.
Frankly, I question
your judgment
by calling us here for this.
- You're not even hearing us out.
- There's nothing to hear.
There will never be
a male Supreme.
It will simply never happen.
Listen to yourselves.
You say that something
hasn't happened,
so therefore
it can never happen.
What exactly is it
that you want from us?
We want you to administer
the test of the Seven Wonders.
That is out of the question.
Why?
Because I'd be condemning
this boy to his death.
I lost one of my most
promising witches, Misty Day,
by sanctioning a test
before her time.
I won't make that mistake again.
I take care of my own.
At least the ones
you care about.
What do you mean by that?
One of your own,
who you abandoned,
Queenie.
Of course it's the
black girl you leave behind.
I see you, Ms. Supreme.
You don't know
what you're talking about.
Queenie was missing.
She traveled to Los Angeles
and never came back.
I knew something awful
had happened to her.
Her life force just vanished.
So I went searching for her.
And when I found out she was
trapped in the Hotel Cortez,
I went immediately
to bring her back
from that monstrous place.
And I had no illusions
about it being easy.
The Cortez is a place of evil.
A hell mouth.
Damn, I have to take that trick.
I'm so glad I killed you,
the only player worth playing
in this entire establishment.
- How long does this game go on?
- Eternity, my dear.
But not to worry,
besides hearts,
I can teach you spades, poker,
blackjack, bridge, rummy.
Ah.
A live one.
Cordelia.
Let's get out of here, Queenie.
Gladly.
You're a plucky one...
I admire that...
But as you already know,
Queenie,
you can never leave this place.
Fuck you, March.
This is Cordelia.
She knows exactly
how to get me out of here.
Shit.
I could hear the souls
screaming in the walls,
desperate for a way out.
I realized then that the hotel
wasn't merely haunted,
but an entryway to all things
dark and satanic...
No!
Where the devil reigns.
Queenie!
We went through every door
and every window,
but we couldn't escape
the hotel.
All my spells and incantations
were useless in that dark realm.
The light from which
we draw our power
was extinguished
by Satan himself.
I was there for days.
The ghost of March got bored
and finally left us alone.
Cordelia, nothing's
ever gonna work.
You should just
go back to the coven.
They need you.
I'm sorry, Queenie.
I'm so sorry.
My effort to rescue Queenie
is by far
my greatest failure as Supreme.
But I tried.
And I do care
about all of our people.
All of our people.
So I won't throw this boy's life
away on some useless endeavor.
There will be no test.
That is this council's decision.
Why do you get to decide that?
Because I'm the fucking Supreme.
No, you're just a scared bigot.
Scared of what?
Of the Alpha.
Of a man rising
to the level of Supreme.
Of an end to ages
of female dominance.
I'm telling you,
that time has come.
And your time is up.
This council is closed.
The decision is final.
There's nothing more to be said.
Gin.
This is the 56,433rd hand
I've won in a row.
Only amateurs keep score.
What a fascinating specimen.
Alive, yet so intimate
with the dead.
Who the hell are you?
My name is Michael Langdon.
And I'm here to do for you
what your Supreme couldn't.
Yeah, right.
Take his hand, Queenie.
And what if I don't want to?
I'm not sure you have a choice.
Be right back.
Solitaire it is.
Come on.
There's one person left to get.
Let's go.
The policy clearly states that
I can return this for any reason
for a full refund.
It's used.
"For any reason."
This thing cooks for shit.
Look for yourself.
Oh! Oh, oh!
Great. Now it's broke.
I want to talk to your manager.
No, no, no.
Please don't call my manager.
Manager!
I need a manager over here.
Hey, don't I know you?
- You're an actress.
- I sing a little, too.
I was working on an album
of Celine Dion deep cuts
before all of this, but yeah,
I'm really known for my acting.
- Lindsay Lohan.
- Oh.
No. I'm Madison Montgomery.
Do you have a twin sister?
No, but I have
a fucking name tag.
But there were two of you
in The Parent Trap.
- Yeah, how'd they do that?
- Okay, listen up, idiot.
I was the star
of multiple TV movies,
and I was up
for a very substantial role
in a Mike Myers film, so yeah.
Then why are you working here?
That's not Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah. She's nobody.
Who are you? Huh? You're not
even the star of your own hell.
You're a nameless day player
in my eternal suffering.
Go refold the towels
in aisle 14.
No, I just... I just did that
before I came down here.
Go!
Hello, Madison.
You don't belong here.
You're not like the others.
You can tell? Interesting.
I would think most souls
wouldn't have any awareness
in their personal hell.
The confusion
would only add to the suffering.
Well, I've always had
the curse of being right
and knowing more
than everyone else,
so I guess me knowing I'm
in hell is ironic or something.
Who are you?
I'm the man who's gonna
get you out of here.
Yeah, right.
What's the catch?
Do I have to blow you
or something?
No.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, when we get out of here,
can I anyway?
You're a snack, and I haven't
had a good dicking in forever.
Any dicking, really.
And they intentionally make sure
all the personal massagers
are out of stock, so... Damn.
A ho even in the afterlife, huh?
Oh... Get off me, bitch.
Is it really you?
I mean, how did you get here?
- What is all of this?
- Okay, so...
I was dead
and stuck in some haunted hotel
or something,
and I swear to God,
had the most boring,
annoying white people since...
since you,
and then this dude came,
and he freed me and brought me
down here to get you.
- Why?
- Honestly, I don't know.
I was trying to talk him
out of it the whole way here.
I told him that you
are a stone cold bitch
and that you're exactly
where you belong.
There is work to do.
I need you both.
For our powers?
No.
To prove a point.
Just take me, please.
Okay? Whatever you need,
I will do it.
I promise to be so good
if I get another chance.
Now, why would you want
to do something silly like that?
Cordelia.
The car is ready.
Are you all right, dear?
Yes, I'm fine.
The air in here, it's...
The fetid stench
of unwashed boy.
Makes Bourbon Street smell
like Chanel No. 5.
I can't bear it another minute.
High time we left
these mole people
and returned to civilization.
♪ ♪
♪ I'm so tired ♪
♪ Of playing ♪
♪ Playing with
this bow and arrow ♪
♪ Gonna give my heart away ♪
♪ Leave it to the other girls ♪
♪ To play ♪
♪ For I've been
a temptress too long ♪
♪ Just ♪
♪ Give me a reason to love you ♪
♪ Give me a reason ♪
♪ To be ♪
♪ A woman ♪
♪ I just want to be a woman ♪
♪ From this time, unchained ♪
♪ We're all looking
at a different picture ♪
♪ Through this new frame
of mind ♪
♪ A thousand flowers
could bloom ♪
♪ Move over ♪
♪ And give us some room ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Give me a reason to love you ♪
♪ Give me a reason to be ♪
♪ A woman. ♪
---
To this day,
I don't know how she found me.
I was glad to finally find
a real home.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Bless us, Dark Lord,
for these thy gifts
which we are about to receive
from thy infernal bounty,
through the power
of Lucifer Eternal.
Nema.
I swear, the only other person
who liked this as much as you
was my first husband.
And that's why it was so easy
to poison him.
You're not gonna
poison me, are you?
Not if you clean your room,
like I asked you to.
You didn't really kill
your first husband, did you?
No.
I killed my first three
husbands.
You might as well
learn this now.
If something isn't working,
it's best to just cut the cord.
And make sure the insurance
policy's up to date.
That's evil.
Hell yeah.
I'm a devil mama.
She made me feel happy
and protected.
So you can understand
why I gave you her form
and her thoughts.
I need someone to help me
with the monumental task
of remaking this world.
Who better than the one person
I never stopped trusting
or loving?
Your jacket is stained.
So it is.
There's another one
in the dresser.
What do you think?
- Hail Satan.
- Not quite.
But I appreciate the sentiment.
Ms. Mead, I do believe
you're glowing.
For the first time, I feel
I know my place in the world.
By your side.
What is it?
A powerful presence.
What do you mean?
Everyone's dead.
Not anymore.
I don't know what's going on.
Bad news, bitch.
You're back from the dead.
- I'm what?
- Just breathe deeply.
You need time to get
your bearings.
Poor dear,
to be raised up and released
from an Identity Spell
at the same moment.
I cannot believe Brock shoved
a knife through my head.
That fucking bastard
better hope he's dead.
Wow. She's by far
the weakest among us
and seems to be handling it
the best.
People react to spells
in different ways.
I think the perfect antidote
to stoke the blood
and speed up
the recovery process
would be a spicy
gazpacho Andaluz.
You think the kitchen here
has a spice rack?
Can someone please tell me
what's going on?
What do you mean,
Identity Spell?
We placed it on you,
for your protection.
Coco, too.
It kept you from knowing
your true self.
Why?
Because you're special, Mallory.
And we need you.
We need all of you.
You're on your own
with that shit.
I made a billion dollars in TV,
and all I ever did
was straddle the fence.
I'm sure as hell not dumping
that strategy here, sisters.
I haven't promised anything.
I haven't signed anything.
And I'm not here
to defeat anyone.
Who cares? As if you could
ever defeat anyone
with that backwards voodoo shit.
How can any of you defeat me,
when I've already won?
You haven't won.
Perhaps you haven't noticed
the state of the world.
It's almost as bad
as your dinner jacket.
But at least the world
can be saved.
By you?
- By all of us.
- Hey.
Get the wax out of your ears.
I'm here to watch.
But I'm not.
Just don't let me
die again, okay?
It really sucked the first time.
When I'm done,
you'll all wish
you were still dead.
I always thought the world
would end with fire and ice,
not witches and warlocks.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Igneme accende. Igneme accende.
Ex forma mutata. Summa partes.
Remember, gentlemen,
a spell is much more than
a series of arcane words.
But it is the power you bring
to those words
that makes the magic.
Summa partes.
Ex forma mutata...
Mr. Banks.
If you ever expect to rise
beyond Level One,
you will arrive on time.
If punctuality
is too taxing for you,
join the Magic Castle
and do card tricks
with Neil Patrick Harris.
I'm sorry, sir.
And you forgot your book...
again.
Now let's see if you've been
practicing your spells,
or just fiddling with your wand.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Good. Keep going.
Your power is molecular.
Woven into your DNA.
See every atom.
Rearrange them.
Transform them.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Ex forma mutata.
Facti sunt figura novi.
Yes!
That's what I'm talking about,
gentlemen.
Mr. Chablis.
We've been summoned.
John Henry Moore.
Something must be
grotesquely important
for you to be stinking up my
office with that cancer stick.
I thought you quit.
I quit every week.
You might need one after
you've seen what I've seen.
Please allow our colleagues
to make their own
unbiased evaluation.
Ariel. Nobody told us
you were coming.
I'll make arrangements
for a celebration tonight.
The students can meet
their Grand Chancellor.
No.
There is something
much more pressing.
This was sent to me
by a sympathetic member
of the Los Angeles
Police Department.
Does that help with your memory?
I didn't do anything.
Except stab him
with five knives.
You were the only one there,
you sick little fuck.
I didn't touch those knives.
You won't find
my fingerprints anywhere.
Oh...
Save me.
Need a smoke?
Holy shit.
It's a classic case
of demonic possession.
Ariel, as much
as you want him to be,
the boy is not a warlock.
He's not the provocateur.
Look at him.
I disagree.
I think it was a-a manifestation
of wild energy.
It was out of control
but full of potency and promise.
Let's just say that you're right
and he was responsible.
Then his magic is
dark and volatile,
and we should leave him
the fuck alone.
Protection of our kind
has become
a matter of life and death.
Warlocks have always been
second-class citizens.
That doesn't mean
that we have to open our doors
to just anyone, especially him.
This school gave us direction.
His power can be harnessed
for good.
He could be the one
we've been waiting for.
Remember the prophecy.
You're talking about the Alpha.
The warlock who becomes
the Alpha
will have power
beyond comprehension.
His magic will exceed
that of the witches.
He could pass the test
of the Seven Wonders.
And supplant their Supreme.
The Alpha will allow us
to take our rightful place
at the top of the hierarchy.
Behold, what do you think?
I think you need to get
a face-to-face with that boy.
Wake up.
There's somebody here
to see you.
You're not a lawyer.
I'm a friend.
I don't have any friends.
I think maybe I can help you,
Michael, if you let me.
I saw the tape of your interview
with the detective.
It was impressive.
I'm not with the police
or social services
or any part of the government.
I'm a warlock... and
I think you're one.
A warlock?
Your whole life,
things have occurred around you
that you can't explain.
Maybe it was just a...
a fleeting thought you had.
An impulse.
A moment of rage.
But then it happened.
Like magic.
A warlock is someone
who can control that magic.
When that detective
was hurting you,
what went through your mind?
- Nothing.
- No.
You were frightened and angry,
so you lashed out
the only way you could.
You made some awful thoughts
come true.
I just wanted him to get away.
How did you end up in here?
I was defending someone.
Actually, the only person
who's never betrayed me.
You're not understanding
what I want.
I don't want goat meat.
I want a goat's head.
I need it for my incantations.
Lady, I can't sell you that.
Why? Are you only butchering
headless goats?
I'm not giving you the head
for some insane shit.
You're discriminating against
my religious beliefs,
Mr. Butcher Man.
Where's your manager?
I'm gonna talk to your manager.
You are rude.
Don't ever talk to her
like that.
Yeah?
Fuck you.
And fuck that batshit
crazy bitch.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
Michael, your life
is about to begin.
Time for us to go.
What the hell are you doing?
You said you just wanted
to talk to him.
He's innocent of all charges.
I'm taking him with me.
He's not going anywhere.
That was awesome!
He'll probably wet his pants,
but he'll be released unharmed
when we're gone.
Oh, I'm sure he won't
feel a thing.
I'm a true believer, Michael.
I'll be here for you.
Always.
Hail the new world.
Hail.
Hail the new world.
Boy's gonna
make me proud someday.
- This place is underground?
- It wasn't always.
An actual building
stood here once.
It was beautiful,
with big wooden beams
and giant glass windows
that let you see forever.
Problem was we could see out,
but others could see in.
In 2014, when Miss Cordelia
went on her publicity tour
and outed us to the world,
some locals decided they didn't
want us in their neighborhood.
They threw a little
Molotov cocktail party
and burned everything down.
All that was left standing was
the sculpture from the garden.
So we went underground again.
Literally.
Shall we?
I'd like you all
to meet Michael.
Like many of us
when we first arrived,
he is not sure that this
is the place for him.
But in the days to come,
we're going to show him that
not only is this
the only place he belongs,
but that he's finally found
his true home.
Now that you've
had time to settle
and you've immersed yourself
in the study of magic
here at the coven,
it's time to evaluate
and see where you stand.
Normally, this would happen
at the end of the first year.
Well, I've only been here
a month.
Well, seeing your progress,
we feel justified
in accelerating the process.
To begin, each warlock
at our school
is assigned a level,
one through four,
according to their talents
and the breadth of their powers.
Are you all level fours?
Sadly, you're looking
at a bunch of threes.
Sixes after a few cocktails.
A level four would mean
a warlock
that is categorically as
powerful as the female Supreme.
He would be the one
we call the Alpha.
We shouldn't burden the boy
with theory.
In the history of the coven,
there's never been
a level four warlock.
Let's see if he can pass
level one.
Scrying is the ability
to see things
in a reflective surface.
Messages, visions, prophecies.
But today, we're not looking
for the next Nostradamus.
All you need to do is to tell us
where we hid a particular book.
- The New...
- The New Adam and Eve.
By Hawthorne.
- First edition.
- Yes.
Well, that'll get
some extra credit.
Tremendous.
He was only tasked
with telling us
where the book was hidden.
Even you have to admit
that was impressive.
Impressive. And troubling.
Quite simply,
he ignored directions.
Salire per spatium.
The ability to transport
yourself instantly
throughout physical space.
Just pick a spot in the room,
envision yourself there,
and make it happen.
What are those things for?
Motivation.
Anything else?
You want me to dust up here?
This final test requires
an understanding
not only of magic,
but of nature.
Stiricidium.
Molecules of water
are all around us.
Change the weather
inside this room,
and turn the water into snow.
Beautiful!
Wow.
I can't breathe.
Enough!
I'm sorry.
I didn't know
that was inside of me.
You're testing your wings.
Once you're fully in control
of your powers,
you'll have
the confidence to soar.
Thank you for your spirited
participation, Michael.
You've given us
a lot to consider.
Everyone in this room
can do some of what he did.
Not a single one of us
can do it all.
He crushed every test,
surpassed all our expectations.
He is the most powerful warlock
I've ever seen,
and I've seen a few.
The witches' dominion over us
will soon be a thing
of the past.
Are you serious?
He almost killed us.
Can't you see that there is
a malevolence to his magic?
To him?
We should be afraid.
You can't corral the darkness.
Don't be afraid of Michael.
Be afraid of the status quo.
Be afraid to do nothing.
We have an obligation
to our kind, to our future,
to see if he can rise
and lead us
to our rightful place.
We can't stop now.
We're at the cusp.
This is the moment
when everything changes.
♪ ♪
It might seem easy
to alter the color of a flower,
but the rose is unique.
It resists change.
Why?
Empress Joséphine Bonaparte,
wife of Napoléon
and proud witch,
cultivated one of the largest
rose gardens in Europe.
It's said that Joséphine
enchanted her roses
so that the colors she produced
remained fixed
as she wanted them.
Hmm.
Maybe so.
But one thing's certain.
Nothing is immutable
when the will of a strong woman
is applied.
Now...
show me how strong you are.
Watch her.
You really think
she's something special?
I'll let you be the judge.
She has some ability,
no question.
Look.
My God.
She claims her grandmother
told her that her bloodline
stretches
- all the way back to Salem.
What is it?
The Hawthorne School
for Exceptional Young Men.
They called
an emergency council.
We're obliged
to get on a plane immediately.
Airline food for lunch when I
made reservations at Galatoires.
It's just too cruel.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Are you sure we couldn't have
made them come to us?
The rules are the rules.
Besides, did we really want
all those men
traipsing around our house?
♪ ♪
Let the record show that at
the request of Hawthorne School,
that we have assembled
an emergency meeting
of the council.
In order to address what must
surely be a matter of grave
and pressing importance.
Proceed.
Illustrious members,
I want to thank you for coming
and giving us the opportunity
to share with you
what we've discovered.
We recently took in a boy
here at the school.
At first, we thought
he was simply one of us,
a warlock who needed
our help and training.
But?
The things he did
were extraordinary,
and after conducting the
requisite test of his powers,
we came to the conclusion that
his abilities are so impressive
that they rise to the level
of Supreme.
Did you say this was
a boy, as in male?
Ariel,
you actually believe this?
We wouldn't have summoned
the council otherwise.
In all recorded history,
no man has ever approached
the level of Supreme.
Men are simply
not equal to women
when it comes
to magical ability.
Not to mention everything else.
Testosterone
is a known inhibitor.
It impedes access
to the ethereal realm.
Frankly, I question
your judgment
by calling us here for this.
- You're not even hearing us out.
- There's nothing to hear.
There will never be
a male Supreme.
It will simply never happen.
Listen to yourselves.
You say that something
hasn't happened,
so therefore
it can never happen.
What exactly is it
that you want from us?
We want you to administer
the test of the Seven Wonders.
That is out of the question.
Why?
Because I'd be condemning
this boy to his death.
I lost one of my most
promising witches, Misty Day,
by sanctioning a test
before her time.
I won't make that mistake again.
I take care of my own.
At least the ones
you care about.
What do you mean by that?
One of your own,
who you abandoned,
Queenie.
Of course it's the
black girl you leave behind.
I see you, Ms. Supreme.
You don't know
what you're talking about.
Queenie was missing.
She traveled to Los Angeles
and never came back.
I knew something awful
had happened to her.
Her life force just vanished.
So I went searching for her.
And when I found out she was
trapped in the Hotel Cortez,
I went immediately
to bring her back
from that monstrous place.
And I had no illusions
about it being easy.
The Cortez is a place of evil.
A hell mouth.
Damn, I have to take that trick.
I'm so glad I killed you,
the only player worth playing
in this entire establishment.
- How long does this game go on?
- Eternity, my dear.
But not to worry,
besides hearts,
I can teach you spades, poker,
blackjack, bridge, rummy.
Ah.
A live one.
Cordelia.
Let's get out of here, Queenie.
Gladly.
You're a plucky one...
I admire that...
But as you already know,
Queenie,
you can never leave this place.
Fuck you, March.
This is Cordelia.
She knows exactly
how to get me out of here.
Shit.
I could hear the souls
screaming in the walls,
desperate for a way out.
I realized then that the hotel
wasn't merely haunted,
but an entryway to all things
dark and satanic...
No!
Where the devil reigns.
Queenie!
We went through every door
and every window,
but we couldn't escape
the hotel.
All my spells and incantations
were useless in that dark realm.
The light from which
we draw our power
was extinguished
by Satan himself.
I was there for days.
The ghost of March got bored
and finally left us alone.
Cordelia, nothing's
ever gonna work.
You should just
go back to the coven.
They need you.
I'm sorry, Queenie.
I'm so sorry.
My effort to rescue Queenie
is by far
my greatest failure as Supreme.
But I tried.
And I do care
about all of our people.
All of our people.
So I won't throw this boy's life
away on some useless endeavor.
There will be no test.
That is this council's decision.
Why do you get to decide that?
Because I'm the fucking Supreme.
No, you're just a scared bigot.
Scared of what?
Of the Alpha.
Of a man rising
to the level of Supreme.
Of an end to ages
of female dominance.
I'm telling you,
that time has come.
And your time is up.
This council is closed.
The decision is final.
There's nothing more to be said.
Gin.
This is the 56,433rd hand
I've won in a row.
Only amateurs keep score.
What a fascinating specimen.
Alive, yet so intimate
with the dead.
Who the hell are you?
My name is Michael Langdon.
And I'm here to do for you
what your Supreme couldn't.
Yeah, right.
Take his hand, Queenie.
And what if I don't want to?
I'm not sure you have a choice.
Be right back.
Solitaire it is.
Come on.
There's one person left to get.
Let's go.
The policy clearly states that
I can return this for any reason
for a full refund.
It's used.
"For any reason."
This thing cooks for shit.
Look for yourself.
Oh! Oh, oh!
Great. Now it's broke.
I want to talk to your manager.
No, no, no.
Please don't call my manager.
Manager!
I need a manager over here.
Hey, don't I know you?
- You're an actress.
- I sing a little, too.
I was working on an album
of Celine Dion deep cuts
before all of this, but yeah,
I'm really known for my acting.
- Lindsay Lohan.
- Oh.
No. I'm Madison Montgomery.
Do you have a twin sister?
No, but I have
a fucking name tag.
But there were two of you
in The Parent Trap.
- Yeah, how'd they do that?
- Okay, listen up, idiot.
I was the star
of multiple TV movies,
and I was up
for a very substantial role
in a Mike Myers film, so yeah.
Then why are you working here?
That's not Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah. She's nobody.
Who are you? Huh? You're not
even the star of your own hell.
You're a nameless day player
in my eternal suffering.
Go refold the towels
in aisle 14.
No, I just... I just did that
before I came down here.
Go!
Hello, Madison.
You don't belong here.
You're not like the others.
You can tell? Interesting.
I would think most souls
wouldn't have any awareness
in their personal hell.
The confusion
would only add to the suffering.
Well, I've always had
the curse of being right
and knowing more
than everyone else,
so I guess me knowing I'm
in hell is ironic or something.
Who are you?
I'm the man who's gonna
get you out of here.
Yeah, right.
What's the catch?
Do I have to blow you
or something?
No.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, when we get out of here,
can I anyway?
You're a snack, and I haven't
had a good dicking in forever.
Any dicking, really.
And they intentionally make sure
all the personal massagers
are out of stock, so... Damn.
A ho even in the afterlife, huh?
Oh... Get off me, bitch.
Is it really you?
I mean, how did you get here?
- What is all of this?
- Okay, so...
I was dead
and stuck in some haunted hotel
or something,
and I swear to God,
had the most boring,
annoying white people since...
since you,
and then this dude came,
and he freed me and brought me
down here to get you.
- Why?
- Honestly, I don't know.
I was trying to talk him
out of it the whole way here.
I told him that you
are a stone cold bitch
and that you're exactly
where you belong.
There is work to do.
I need you both.
For our powers?
No.
To prove a point.
Just take me, please.
Okay? Whatever you need,
I will do it.
I promise to be so good
if I get another chance.
Now, why would you want
to do something silly like that?
Cordelia.
The car is ready.
Are you all right, dear?
Yes, I'm fine.
The air in here, it's...
The fetid stench
of unwashed boy.
Makes Bourbon Street smell
like Chanel No. 5.
I can't bear it another minute.
High time we left
these mole people
and returned to civilization.
♪ ♪
♪ I'm so tired ♪
♪ Of playing ♪
♪ Playing with
this bow and arrow ♪
♪ Gonna give my heart away ♪
♪ Leave it to the other girls ♪
♪ To play ♪
♪ For I've been
a temptress too long ♪
♪ Just ♪
♪ Give me a reason to love you ♪
♪ Give me a reason ♪
♪ To be ♪
♪ A woman ♪
♪ I just want to be a woman ♪
♪ From this time, unchained ♪
♪ We're all looking
at a different picture ♪
♪ Through this new frame
of mind ♪
♪ A thousand flowers
could bloom ♪
♪ Move over ♪
♪ And give us some room ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Give me a reason to love you ♪
♪ Give me a reason to be ♪
♪ A woman. ♪