American Horror Story (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 5 - Pink Cupcakes - full transcript
Stanley makes a plan to abduct and kill the Tattlers. However, Elsa has her own plan for getting rid of the sisters. Meanwhile, Dandy selects his first victim.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the
American Morbidity Museum's
Night of Discovery.
It is your insatiable curiosity,
your unquenchable
quest for knowledge,
and of course your
generous donations
that have made
this evening possible.
All of you.
But I want to acknowledge
one person in particular
without whom none of us
would be here tonight.
Mr. James Martone.
Mr. Martone...
Did you think for a split second
she was gonna call your name?
Why not?
I certainly deserve it.
Without me, there wouldn't be
a gala exhibition.
But you and I--
we toil in the dark,
unrecognized, unappreciated.
But well paid.
...by
presenting an exhibit of
exquisite human anomalies.
We call it
"Modern Mutations."
Phocomelia.
In layman's terms,
the illustrated seal boy.
That's a real nice fantasy,
but where are you gonna
get the tanks?
I already got one lined up from
a bankrupt aquarium in Wichita.
I put a deposit
on a barn outside of town,
so we'll store the bodies and
the tanks until the time comes.
But I told you, I'm not gonna be
involved with murder.
Oh, no, no.
Accidents happen all the time.
Ugh.
People run away from the circus, right?
No questions asked.
The key is preserving
the specimens,
keeping up appearances.
So these freaks are gonna be
beautiful corpses?
How?
Poison? Suffocation?
Drowning?
Yeah. All great ideas.
That's why I got to keep Elsa
on the hook.
I have to have access
and the time to finesse it.
And I need you
on the inside to help me.
What's the matter,
you going soft?
No.
Ah. You need to put a little
lead in your loafers, cupcake.
The only thing people in Jupiter
hate more than freaks are poofs.
Get rid of the
magazines, Stanley.
Done.
Does that mean you're in?
I'm in.
But since I have
to live with them,
I want an additional
five percent.
That's my girl.
Always eyes on the prize.
Fraulein Elsa's Cabinet
of Curiosities
is about to have
a terrible run of bad luck.
Dora!
It's quarter past 7:00!
I don't hear the percolator on.
Dandy!
Mother!
Dandy!
Mother!
Mother!
Someone's broken into our home
and murdered Dora.
Oh, God, Dandy,
what have you done?! Oh, God!
I'm sorry!
She's a mother!
She was saying
awful things to me!
Just like everything else in
your life, I'm the one who has
to clean it up.
I'll help!
We can dig a hole in the
backyard by the potagerie.
Go to your room and stay there!
And I don't want to see your
face for the rest of the day!
Miss Mars?
You are late, Mr. Spencer.
Oh, ah.
My sincere apologies.
I was lost in the maze of tents.
What an extraordinary
place, a marvel.
And...
the most marvelous is you here
in the flesh.
It's a full house
tonight, you know.
Schnapps?
Hmm.
And please, get to the point.
The show can't go on
without its star.
Hmm. Well,
as you know, I'm here
from the land of dreams--
Hollywood, California.
And who do you work for?
Is it MGM?
Mm-mm.
No.
RKO?
I work for the biggest
network in television,
WBN-- the Worldwide
Broadcasting Network.
As I'm sure you're aware,
being a woman of the world,
TV is the new thing.
I would rather be boiled in oil
than... be on television.
Huh.
You know, over 40% of
this country's population
owns a television
set, Miss Mars.
TV is the future.
Squeezing the beauty and glamour
of the silver screen
into that little
black and white box--
this is the future,
Mr. Spencer?
I find it very depressing.
Hmm.
But, Miss Mars, imagine yourself
in everyone's living room
at the exact same moment.
Everyone in America listening
to you sing and entertain them.
Your name on the tip
of everyone's tongue.
My name
alongside some of type of,
uh, instant coffee or shampoo?
No.
I know for a fact
motion pictures will never
be replaced by your TV, no.
Motion pictures
are the expression of our souls,
our inner dreams and fantasies.
So let me get this straight.
You'd rather perform in front of
a tent full of rednecks
and forego indoor plumbing
than star in The Elsa Mars Hour.
I would never participate
in what I consider to be
the death... of art
and civilization.
Well, not everyone
wants the same thing.
I look forward
to seeing your act.
I'm sure it's gonna slay me.
That's right, folks.
For as long as I can remember,
uh, I've been known
as Lobster Boy.
Known as Lobster Boy.
For as long as I can remember,
I've been known as Lobster Boy--
Son of Neptune, God of the Sea.
But my pincers
don't hold me back.
Watch me juggle.
Whoa. Whoa.
You still
rehearse? Oh.
Yeah.
After all these years,
I still get stage fright.
We haven't had a full house
in as long as I can remember.
Well, that's because of you.
You're a local hero.
Right now, I want to throw up.
I can take your mind off it.
Let me read your palm.
I'll tell you your future.
No, thanks.
Do you want to know
what I think?
You're scared of what I might
say, so you're chickening out.
Come on, give me your hand, stupid.
Aw.
You got nothing to lose.
There's a shadow here.
A shadow of a man.
He's coming soon.
He'll tell you things,
make you promises.
He's a liar.
Stay away from him.
Wow.
You see all that in my hand?
You need to leave
as soon as
possible; go north.
Maybe New York.
Big Apple, huh?
Go now.
What's stopping you?
You're smart,
you're good-looking.
You could do anything you want.
Anything except that, I guess.
Your future's bright.
I'm just not in it.
Save it for
the paying customers.
I was an idiot to think I had
a chance with a girl like you.
Anybody seen Dell?
Full house,
and the damn barker's
nowhere to be found.
I'll look for him.
No, I need you to get the
Pinheads ready for the opener.
Jimmy, you go.
No good son of a bitch probably
passed out drunk in his caravan.
Thank you, my good man.
Ah.
Dell, open up!
Come on, Dell! We don't
have time for your shit!
Let's go!
Open up!
He ain't here, Jimmy.
Well, where is he?
When's he coming back?
Who the hell knows?
Shit.
Come on, get your stuff.
I ain't in the mood, Jimmy.
On account of that asshole?
Look, I know you all think
he ain't nothing
but a bully and a thug,
but you don't know him
like I do.
Yeah, he's a regular Boy Scout.
I ain't trying to make
no apologies for him.
It's just, we had a good life
for a while.
I'd always been a freak,
but he made me proud
of who I was.
'Cause when
he'd trot me out there,
we were a team.
I'd drop my cloak,
and the crowd would gasp.
Oh, and I never felt
more alive in my life.
Now all I feel is nothing.
Empty.
Maybe he don't want to be
on my team anymore.
What are you still doing here?
The whole town's
come out to see you.
Go on, now.
I didn't do anything.
You want to know who was brave?
Meep.
Sometimes life is just
a bleak pool of despair,
and there ain't nothing
you can do about it.
What do you know about it?
You ever kill somebody?
I let my pride
and my anger get the best of me.
And now Meep's dead
because of me.
And there ain't nothing I can do
to ever wipe that off my slate.
I wish I could take it back.
I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry, Meep.
It should have been me.
Oh... oh, hush, now.
It should have been me.
Hush. Shh, shh, shh.
I wasn't
there to protect you.
Come on, come on, come on.
You're one of the good guys,
Jimmy. Huh?
You're good.
Huh?
Uh, no...
Make me feel something, Jimmy.
I want to feel...
something again.
Stop! Stop, stop, stop!
Stop, stop, stop!
Shit!
Help!
Help me!
She needs a doctor!
Oh, my God,
she's bleeding.
Blood! Blood! Blood!
We need a car.
I got to get her to a hospital!
All of you, in your places now!
Where's Dell?
He's not here.
Go and get up on that stage.
Folks are here to see ya.
I'll handle this.
Salty and Pepper,
ladies and gents!
And now...
for the grand lady herself--
welcome to the stage
Fraulein Elsa Mars!
♪ It's a god-awful
small affair ♪
♪ To the girl
with the mousy hair ♪
♪ But her mommy
is yelling, "No!" ♪
♪ And her daddy
has told her to go ♪
♪ But her friend
is nowhere to be seen ♪
♪ Now she walks
through her sunken dream ♪
♪ To the seat with the clearest view ♪
♪ And she's hooked
to the silver screen ♪
♪ But the film is
a saddening bore ♪
♪ For she's lived it ten times or more ♪
♪ She could spit
in the eyes of fools ♪
♪ As they ask her to focus on... ♪
Knock, knock.
You wanted to see me?
Yeah.
Tell me more about this...
television.
What?
All of a sudden
now you're modest?
Well, I ain't never been
to no doctor before.
Just get up on the table.
You ready for me?
Uh...
Yeah, uh, she's ready.
Wait. Wait.
You're leaving?
Oh.
No. I can stay if you like.
Vaginal bleeding.
Do you have
regular menses?
Do you bleed once a month?
Once a month?
Oh, God, no.
Maybe a couple times a year.
But this isn't that.
Tonight I was
fooling around with Jimmy.
Lobster Boy.
I think he pierced a hole
right through me.
Let's take a look, shall we?
It's okay.
He's gonna take a look.
Lie down.
Gonna take a look at you.
Shh.
Just try to relax your belly.
Where were you born?
Philadelphia.
The midwife smacked me
on my ass and said,
"Congratulations, Mary,
you finally got you a boy."
My mother
was over the moon.
She named me Derek,
after her father,
who was a baseball player.
Thought maybe I'd follow
in his footsteps.
But that all changed
when I turned 12
and started growing these.
Well...
Okay, Doc.
Don't sugarcoat it.
Well, the midwife was wrong.
You're not a boy;
you never were.
You probably have an
excess of testosterone.
Your body got confused
and produced more estrogen
to compensate,
which may account for
your accessory breast.
What about my ding-a-ling?
Um, that is not a penis.
That is an enlarged clitoris,
which I can surgically
reduce if it bothers you.
But either way, physically
and genetically,
you are 100% woman.
Now, the bleeding
that you experienced,
that was a miscarriage,
and I'm sorry to say that
that was about 12 weeks.
Now, there was no
sign of injury,
but the baby was
just not viable.
The baby?
If you wait a few months,
you and your husband
can try again.
But now I must be blunt.
At your age, I wouldn't
wait too long.
I could have a baby with Dell.
Make sure
it's extra deep, gentlemen.
I'm planting a whole slew
of Narcissus bulbs for spring.
They're divine when arranged
with Siberian iris.
Miss Gloria, you only need
18 inches for Narcissus.
We're already at 12 feet.
They are special bulbs
from Holland.
Please do not question me.
The body
will decompose down there
and give life to these flowers.
In spring,
we will look down at the blanket
of color and say,
"She did not die in vain."
I'm sorry I killed Dora, Mother.
I hate to have
put you out like this.
You have the sickness
like your father had before you.
He stifled it
the only way he could.
These mental perversions
are an affliction
of the extremely affluent.
Cousins marry cousins
to protect the money,
to keep the estates whole.
Inbreeding.
Becomes a right of passage
to have a psychotic or two
in the line.
Jack the Ripper was a Windsor,
for God's sake.
I wanted to be an actor, Mother.
None of this would've happened
if you had let me.
I need to express myself.
Please, Mother, I...
I don't want to
end up like Daddy.
Swinging lifeless
on a Japanese maple.
I won't have that for you.
But it's 1952.
You can't just go around
picking up vagrants
and killing them.
People are missed.
I'll figure something out.
No, no, no, Ma Petite.
There's a smudge.
I have to be perfect.
I have to take publicity photos
for my new TV show.
I have to be a fantasy.
Yes, Miss Elsa.
♪ Fame, makes a man
take things over ♪
♪ Fame, what you get
is no tomorrow ♪
♪ Fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame ♪
♪ What's your name? ♪
Astonishing.
Isn't it just?
Now, this one seems less
pristine than the other.
Hmm.
That's because
she went first.
Uh, that won't affect
the price, will it?
May I ask, how did they...
expire?
Would you believe it?
The droopy one caught a cold.
Ta-da.
Pink cupcakes!
Oh!
What a treat.
Well, I thought
we needed something
to celebrate your future.
The Tattler Twins Hour
is gonna be a smash hit.
Try one.
Did you bake them?
Dot, cupcake.
The whole hour would be us?
How would we ever learn
enough songs?
Well,
you'd welcome other guests.
Uh, Perry Como.
Dinah Shore.
Oh, I adore Dinah Shore.
We were never allowed
to play her records.
Mother said she was high yellow.
Serves you right
for being such a glutton.
Started out as the sniffles.
Turned into
something much worse.
Pneumonia,
I think the doctor said.
How tragic.
Yeah, right?
Bless their hearts.
Amazing how something
so seemingly innocuous
can cause such damage.
Oh, God.
Oh, I can't hear her.
Oh, it hurts.
Oh, it hurts.
Please, you have to get us
to a hospital.
Oh, my God. Oh...
Oh, my God, it hurts.
Please, please,
please, please.
Huh?
Cupcake.
I don't want a cupcake.
Bette, wake up!
Wake up, please, I beg of you.
Shh, shh, shh.
Please help me.
Please.
Mm... Ow.
Ow.
You should've had a cupcake.
They're to die for.
Did you bake them?
With my own two hands.
No cupcakes.
We have to watch our figure
if we're gonna be
television personalities.
Right.
♪ And nothing coming in. ♪
I was destined to be
the greatest actor of all time.
Monty Clift? If I had been
in A Place in the Sun,
George Stevens
would have had me do
the walk to the electric chair
shirtless.
I mailed away for one of those
Charles Atlas exercise routines
they advertise in the back
of the Superman comics.
And I practiced acting faces
in front of the mirror--
sad, happy, moody.
But mother wouldn't let me.
I hate her!
But she can't keep my greatness
in the slips.
One door closes, another opens.
And this body is America,
strong, violent and full of
limitless potential.
My arms will hold them down
when they struggle.
My legs will run them down
when they flee.
I will be the U.S. Steel
of murder.
My body holds a heart
that cannot love.
When Dora died,
she looked right into my eyes,
and I felt nothing.
The clown was put on earth
to show me the way.
To introduce me to
the sweet language of murder.
But I am no clown.
I am perfection.
I am greatness.
I am the future,
and the future starts tonight.
♪ Tell her I'll be waiting ♪
♪ In the usual place ♪
♪ With the tired and weary ♪
♪ There's no escape ♪
♪ To need a woman ♪
♪ You've got to know ♪
♪ How the strong get weak ♪
♪ And the rich get poor ♪
♪ Slave to love... ♪
Watch it!
Pardon me.
♪ Slave to love... ♪
Two Brandy Alexanders.
Let me see.
Wow.
Ah, it's a goddamn
waste you being here.
Your stuff should be
in one of them hot shit
Fort Lauderdale galleries.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey, you know,
some guy was in
here the other day
from Los Angeles, and he said
they have this big pier
right out over the ocean
and there are guys there
doing caricatures for the
tourists for two bucks a pop.
I'm telling you, the west is
where it's all happening now.
You think I'm good
enough to do that?
Did he tell you
he was gonna take you there?
'Cause he's lying, you know.
Just a hound dog salesman
trying to get his rocks off
when he's away on business.
Whoa. Why-why are you
getting all possessive?
I got to work, right?
'Cause you and me
aren't just about work.
I keep telling you,
if you're getting
out of this place,
it's with me.
I'm not getting out.
I like it here.
I make good bread;
Murray pays off
the cops so no one bothers us.
The worst thing that
happens to me is...
a little blood in my shorts
if someone gets a little rough,
or I get a load in my hair.
I told you not to talk
about things like that with me!
There are no other guys but me!
Hey!
We're fine.
It's all right.
Look, I'm...
I'm here almost every day.
I skip out on work
sometimes to be with you.
We drink and we talk.
About real life.
You can't tell me
that's all on the clock.
Yeah. We talk.
You tell me stuff, too.
About your wife.
About how you're gonna leave.
Big talk.
Usually lasts until
you finish, and then...
you're out the door
before I can wipe my dick off.
This is hard for me!
I got... I got a lot
of complications.
I've been doing this
my whole life.
But with you,
I'm really gone, Andy.
I...
love you.
Love me?
You've been in town a month.
You know what I don't
get about you, Dell?
What do you have to lose?
I mean, most of
the johns in here
are businessmen,
lawyers, fathers.
No one is inviting you
to join the chamber of commerce.
Who are you hiding out from?
You're already a freak.
And no one knows
I'm one of them.
So what's your play here,
handsome?
Eventually I will leave.
Yeah.
But until then,
let me get you
your own little place.
Not that motel
you're staying in, just...
a-a place with a record player
and good light,
where you can draw.
I don't want you hanging
around this place no more,
letting these creeps paw at you.
I think you still
love your wife, Dell.
I got a heart, you know?
I do feel things.
When I'm bending
those steel bars
or I got a stack of three
acrobats standing on my head,
it hurts like hot lead
in my fingers and shoulders.
Most people can't take the pain.
But not me.
The pain don't define me.
But I still feel it.
Every time I leave this place,
every time I can't go in
because you're with
some other guy,
giving yourself
to him even though
I know he doesn't
give two shits about you.
There is nothing worse
than the hurt of loving someone
you can't have.
Look, Dell...
I work here.
This is my office.
When I'm here, I'm working.
You get what I'm saying?
Wait, stay a while.
I'll get the next round.
Hello.
Well, hello, stranger.
What would you like?
Excuse me?
Well, it's a dollar
to sit and talk,
five for a dance,
ten to go into
the alley behind the bar
and 20 to take me home.
He wants to make us
television stars.
I don't understand.
We could have
such a fantastic time,
singing and dancing
on our own TV show.
I am with your sister, Dot.
The opportunity of a lifetime
presents itself
on a silver platter,
and you hesitate?
I don't know if
he's told you yet,
but he has asked me
to go as well.
Would you be a guest on
the Tattler Sisters' Hour?
Hardly.
In addition to having
my own show,
he has asked me to mentor you.
And what could be better?
Because I, more than anyone,
want the very,
very best for you.
I don't trust her.
So...
...go to bed early tonight.
Get lots of rest.
And in the morning,
I have arranged
for a discreet
private fitting for you
with the best seamstress
in town.
Stars need always
to be fashionable.
She's angling for something.
Who cares?
I'd love a new hat.
Hey, baby.
Where you been?
Been looking all over for you,
worried sick.
Uh-huh.
What's going on?
I had to go to the doctor.
The doctor?
What happened?
Are you all right?
I'm great. Doctor says...
I'm 100% woman.
Turns out
I can even have babies.
It's not too late.
A baby.
That's great.
Uh-huh.
It was.
Until Ethel told me the truth.
Your daddy had
the lobster hands.
Ethel.
Look, that old whore's
got it out for me.
You can't believe a word
out of that mangy broad.
And my whole life,
I thought I was the freak.
Dirty, vile-- all the things
my mama used to call me.
But it was you, Dell.
You're the one
with freak blood running
all through your veins!
You chickenshit son of a bitch,
you're Jimmy's father!
Who gives a shit about Jimmy?!
When I think of all the time
I wasted on your sorry ass,
'cause I thought this jacked up
sham of a marriage
was all I had,
all that I deserved.
Well, let me tell you something.
I'm gonna get me my normal life.
The pretty house,
have me some babies.
But not with you.
Never with you.
Hey, answer me this.
Who's gonna go for a big-dicked,
three-titted woman like you?
Doctor says it's just
extra-large lady parts.
All cosmetic.
He gonna do a surgery, and poof,
I'll look like any other lady
just walking down the street.
Do you think there's something
better out there for you?
You go on and do your worst,
'cause once they
change me down there,
I'm gonna be too much
woman for you anyway.
I'm moving into Ethel's caravan.
In there?
Mm-hmm.
Um... how did you find
this place?
It belonged to a friend of mine.
Charming.
I'm not a fruit.
Okay.
But you didn't pay me
$100 just to talk.
I have a keen idea.
We turn our backs to each other.
You take off your clothes,
and I'll take off mine.
On the count of three,
we turn around.
Whatever magic happens...
happens.
Okay.
You're very handsome.
But you already know that.
Has anyone ever
painted you before?
I'd like to do you
in oils, Cubist style,
like Picasso.
Can you shut up now?
I want to make this just right.
Ready?
Yup.
One... two... three.
Why are you still moving?
Help me!
You're supposed to be dead.
Help me!
Just die!
Rule number one
of a good killer:
make sure
all the evidence is gone.
Start with the limbs.
How can you be still alive?
You're making me feel bad!
Stop it!
Please...
kill me.
Please kill me.
Ple... please kill me.
Hello?
Hello, Mrs. Mott.
This is Regina Ross,
Dora's daughter.
How are you today?
Fine, fine.
How are you?
I'm wonderful.
I'm really enjoying my time here
at the Barbizon Secretary
School in New York City.
I'm learning so much,
and I'm hoping to be
placed in a position
at a law firm as
soon as I graduate.
Quite frankly, I'm completely
overwhelmed, Regina.
I'll have to call you back
another time.
Well, I'm-I'm sorry
to hear that, Mrs. Mott,
but I'm concerned
about my mother.
She missed
our weekly phone call yesterday.
Is she all right?
Yes, she's fine.
Your mother works
very hard for me, dear.
Right now, she's
at the farm stand
buying winter squash, and
with the holidays coming up,
I doubt she'll have much time to
call you for a month at least.
You tell my mother to call me
the minute she gets home.
I'll tell her.
Regina,
may I ask you a question?
You played with Dandy
when you were a child.
You spent time with us
as a family.
Yes, yes, ma'am, I did.
What are your remembrances
of me as a mother?
I don't remember you
really being with us.
With him.
There were always the nannies,
who quit regularly,
he bit so many of them.
I raised my child
as I was raised.
He called for me once
when he had a raging fever.
I didn't go in his room.
I was afraid I didn't know
how to comfort him.
So I sent his governess in.
He never called for me again.
Mrs. Mott?
Mrs. Mott, I-I...
I'm feeling really
uncomfortable,
so I'm going to go now.
Uh, please tell
my mother to call me.
Th-Thank you.
Mother?
Miss Elsa?
Didn't you say
we were going into town?
That sign back there said
it was to the left.
Trust me, liebchen.
I have got even a better idea.
Mr. Toledo,
I want to say how sorry I am
for your loss.
A miscarriage is always
a bitter disappointment.
Yeah, that's true.
What are you gonna do?
You got to play to win, right?
So you were what,
some kind of fancy surgeon
up north?
You could say that, I suppose.
What brought you down here?
My wife and I moved down here
to be near
our daughter and, uh,
her family.
But not to retire.
Semi-retired.
I like to keep busy.
Busy, busy body.
I'm sorry?
I hear you're gonna operate
on my Dessi,
make her
into a bona fide female.
Well, she is a female.
But if a little cosmetic change
makes her feel better,
I don't see the harm.
Do me a favor, all right, Doc?
You keep your hands off my wife,
and I'll keep my hands
off your family.
You got it?!
I'm sorry.
You sure are sorry.
Maybe it's time for you
to retire for real.
Give these magical hands
of yours a little rest!
Let's make it a matching set.
Huh?
Try to operate with those.
Now you might
be thinking about talking
to the police,
but if you talk to them
or to Dessi or anyone else,
I'll pay a visit to those
beautiful little grandkids
of yours.
Their tiny little fingers,
they'll snap like twigs.
Oh, hello.
What are you doing here?
I have brought you something
I believe you want.
welcome to the
American Morbidity Museum's
Night of Discovery.
It is your insatiable curiosity,
your unquenchable
quest for knowledge,
and of course your
generous donations
that have made
this evening possible.
All of you.
But I want to acknowledge
one person in particular
without whom none of us
would be here tonight.
Mr. James Martone.
Mr. Martone...
Did you think for a split second
she was gonna call your name?
Why not?
I certainly deserve it.
Without me, there wouldn't be
a gala exhibition.
But you and I--
we toil in the dark,
unrecognized, unappreciated.
But well paid.
...by
presenting an exhibit of
exquisite human anomalies.
We call it
"Modern Mutations."
Phocomelia.
In layman's terms,
the illustrated seal boy.
That's a real nice fantasy,
but where are you gonna
get the tanks?
I already got one lined up from
a bankrupt aquarium in Wichita.
I put a deposit
on a barn outside of town,
so we'll store the bodies and
the tanks until the time comes.
But I told you, I'm not gonna be
involved with murder.
Oh, no, no.
Accidents happen all the time.
Ugh.
People run away from the circus, right?
No questions asked.
The key is preserving
the specimens,
keeping up appearances.
So these freaks are gonna be
beautiful corpses?
How?
Poison? Suffocation?
Drowning?
Yeah. All great ideas.
That's why I got to keep Elsa
on the hook.
I have to have access
and the time to finesse it.
And I need you
on the inside to help me.
What's the matter,
you going soft?
No.
Ah. You need to put a little
lead in your loafers, cupcake.
The only thing people in Jupiter
hate more than freaks are poofs.
Get rid of the
magazines, Stanley.
Done.
Does that mean you're in?
I'm in.
But since I have
to live with them,
I want an additional
five percent.
That's my girl.
Always eyes on the prize.
Fraulein Elsa's Cabinet
of Curiosities
is about to have
a terrible run of bad luck.
Dora!
It's quarter past 7:00!
I don't hear the percolator on.
Dandy!
Mother!
Dandy!
Mother!
Mother!
Someone's broken into our home
and murdered Dora.
Oh, God, Dandy,
what have you done?! Oh, God!
I'm sorry!
She's a mother!
She was saying
awful things to me!
Just like everything else in
your life, I'm the one who has
to clean it up.
I'll help!
We can dig a hole in the
backyard by the potagerie.
Go to your room and stay there!
And I don't want to see your
face for the rest of the day!
Miss Mars?
You are late, Mr. Spencer.
Oh, ah.
My sincere apologies.
I was lost in the maze of tents.
What an extraordinary
place, a marvel.
And...
the most marvelous is you here
in the flesh.
It's a full house
tonight, you know.
Schnapps?
Hmm.
And please, get to the point.
The show can't go on
without its star.
Hmm. Well,
as you know, I'm here
from the land of dreams--
Hollywood, California.
And who do you work for?
Is it MGM?
Mm-mm.
No.
RKO?
I work for the biggest
network in television,
WBN-- the Worldwide
Broadcasting Network.
As I'm sure you're aware,
being a woman of the world,
TV is the new thing.
I would rather be boiled in oil
than... be on television.
Huh.
You know, over 40% of
this country's population
owns a television
set, Miss Mars.
TV is the future.
Squeezing the beauty and glamour
of the silver screen
into that little
black and white box--
this is the future,
Mr. Spencer?
I find it very depressing.
Hmm.
But, Miss Mars, imagine yourself
in everyone's living room
at the exact same moment.
Everyone in America listening
to you sing and entertain them.
Your name on the tip
of everyone's tongue.
My name
alongside some of type of,
uh, instant coffee or shampoo?
No.
I know for a fact
motion pictures will never
be replaced by your TV, no.
Motion pictures
are the expression of our souls,
our inner dreams and fantasies.
So let me get this straight.
You'd rather perform in front of
a tent full of rednecks
and forego indoor plumbing
than star in The Elsa Mars Hour.
I would never participate
in what I consider to be
the death... of art
and civilization.
Well, not everyone
wants the same thing.
I look forward
to seeing your act.
I'm sure it's gonna slay me.
That's right, folks.
For as long as I can remember,
uh, I've been known
as Lobster Boy.
Known as Lobster Boy.
For as long as I can remember,
I've been known as Lobster Boy--
Son of Neptune, God of the Sea.
But my pincers
don't hold me back.
Watch me juggle.
Whoa. Whoa.
You still
rehearse? Oh.
Yeah.
After all these years,
I still get stage fright.
We haven't had a full house
in as long as I can remember.
Well, that's because of you.
You're a local hero.
Right now, I want to throw up.
I can take your mind off it.
Let me read your palm.
I'll tell you your future.
No, thanks.
Do you want to know
what I think?
You're scared of what I might
say, so you're chickening out.
Come on, give me your hand, stupid.
Aw.
You got nothing to lose.
There's a shadow here.
A shadow of a man.
He's coming soon.
He'll tell you things,
make you promises.
He's a liar.
Stay away from him.
Wow.
You see all that in my hand?
You need to leave
as soon as
possible; go north.
Maybe New York.
Big Apple, huh?
Go now.
What's stopping you?
You're smart,
you're good-looking.
You could do anything you want.
Anything except that, I guess.
Your future's bright.
I'm just not in it.
Save it for
the paying customers.
I was an idiot to think I had
a chance with a girl like you.
Anybody seen Dell?
Full house,
and the damn barker's
nowhere to be found.
I'll look for him.
No, I need you to get the
Pinheads ready for the opener.
Jimmy, you go.
No good son of a bitch probably
passed out drunk in his caravan.
Thank you, my good man.
Ah.
Dell, open up!
Come on, Dell! We don't
have time for your shit!
Let's go!
Open up!
He ain't here, Jimmy.
Well, where is he?
When's he coming back?
Who the hell knows?
Shit.
Come on, get your stuff.
I ain't in the mood, Jimmy.
On account of that asshole?
Look, I know you all think
he ain't nothing
but a bully and a thug,
but you don't know him
like I do.
Yeah, he's a regular Boy Scout.
I ain't trying to make
no apologies for him.
It's just, we had a good life
for a while.
I'd always been a freak,
but he made me proud
of who I was.
'Cause when
he'd trot me out there,
we were a team.
I'd drop my cloak,
and the crowd would gasp.
Oh, and I never felt
more alive in my life.
Now all I feel is nothing.
Empty.
Maybe he don't want to be
on my team anymore.
What are you still doing here?
The whole town's
come out to see you.
Go on, now.
I didn't do anything.
You want to know who was brave?
Meep.
Sometimes life is just
a bleak pool of despair,
and there ain't nothing
you can do about it.
What do you know about it?
You ever kill somebody?
I let my pride
and my anger get the best of me.
And now Meep's dead
because of me.
And there ain't nothing I can do
to ever wipe that off my slate.
I wish I could take it back.
I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry, Meep.
It should have been me.
Oh... oh, hush, now.
It should have been me.
Hush. Shh, shh, shh.
I wasn't
there to protect you.
Come on, come on, come on.
You're one of the good guys,
Jimmy. Huh?
You're good.
Huh?
Uh, no...
Make me feel something, Jimmy.
I want to feel...
something again.
Stop! Stop, stop, stop!
Stop, stop, stop!
Shit!
Help!
Help me!
She needs a doctor!
Oh, my God,
she's bleeding.
Blood! Blood! Blood!
We need a car.
I got to get her to a hospital!
All of you, in your places now!
Where's Dell?
He's not here.
Go and get up on that stage.
Folks are here to see ya.
I'll handle this.
Salty and Pepper,
ladies and gents!
And now...
for the grand lady herself--
welcome to the stage
Fraulein Elsa Mars!
♪ It's a god-awful
small affair ♪
♪ To the girl
with the mousy hair ♪
♪ But her mommy
is yelling, "No!" ♪
♪ And her daddy
has told her to go ♪
♪ But her friend
is nowhere to be seen ♪
♪ Now she walks
through her sunken dream ♪
♪ To the seat with the clearest view ♪
♪ And she's hooked
to the silver screen ♪
♪ But the film is
a saddening bore ♪
♪ For she's lived it ten times or more ♪
♪ She could spit
in the eyes of fools ♪
♪ As they ask her to focus on... ♪
Knock, knock.
You wanted to see me?
Yeah.
Tell me more about this...
television.
What?
All of a sudden
now you're modest?
Well, I ain't never been
to no doctor before.
Just get up on the table.
You ready for me?
Uh...
Yeah, uh, she's ready.
Wait. Wait.
You're leaving?
Oh.
No. I can stay if you like.
Vaginal bleeding.
Do you have
regular menses?
Do you bleed once a month?
Once a month?
Oh, God, no.
Maybe a couple times a year.
But this isn't that.
Tonight I was
fooling around with Jimmy.
Lobster Boy.
I think he pierced a hole
right through me.
Let's take a look, shall we?
It's okay.
He's gonna take a look.
Lie down.
Gonna take a look at you.
Shh.
Just try to relax your belly.
Where were you born?
Philadelphia.
The midwife smacked me
on my ass and said,
"Congratulations, Mary,
you finally got you a boy."
My mother
was over the moon.
She named me Derek,
after her father,
who was a baseball player.
Thought maybe I'd follow
in his footsteps.
But that all changed
when I turned 12
and started growing these.
Well...
Okay, Doc.
Don't sugarcoat it.
Well, the midwife was wrong.
You're not a boy;
you never were.
You probably have an
excess of testosterone.
Your body got confused
and produced more estrogen
to compensate,
which may account for
your accessory breast.
What about my ding-a-ling?
Um, that is not a penis.
That is an enlarged clitoris,
which I can surgically
reduce if it bothers you.
But either way, physically
and genetically,
you are 100% woman.
Now, the bleeding
that you experienced,
that was a miscarriage,
and I'm sorry to say that
that was about 12 weeks.
Now, there was no
sign of injury,
but the baby was
just not viable.
The baby?
If you wait a few months,
you and your husband
can try again.
But now I must be blunt.
At your age, I wouldn't
wait too long.
I could have a baby with Dell.
Make sure
it's extra deep, gentlemen.
I'm planting a whole slew
of Narcissus bulbs for spring.
They're divine when arranged
with Siberian iris.
Miss Gloria, you only need
18 inches for Narcissus.
We're already at 12 feet.
They are special bulbs
from Holland.
Please do not question me.
The body
will decompose down there
and give life to these flowers.
In spring,
we will look down at the blanket
of color and say,
"She did not die in vain."
I'm sorry I killed Dora, Mother.
I hate to have
put you out like this.
You have the sickness
like your father had before you.
He stifled it
the only way he could.
These mental perversions
are an affliction
of the extremely affluent.
Cousins marry cousins
to protect the money,
to keep the estates whole.
Inbreeding.
Becomes a right of passage
to have a psychotic or two
in the line.
Jack the Ripper was a Windsor,
for God's sake.
I wanted to be an actor, Mother.
None of this would've happened
if you had let me.
I need to express myself.
Please, Mother, I...
I don't want to
end up like Daddy.
Swinging lifeless
on a Japanese maple.
I won't have that for you.
But it's 1952.
You can't just go around
picking up vagrants
and killing them.
People are missed.
I'll figure something out.
No, no, no, Ma Petite.
There's a smudge.
I have to be perfect.
I have to take publicity photos
for my new TV show.
I have to be a fantasy.
Yes, Miss Elsa.
♪ Fame, makes a man
take things over ♪
♪ Fame, what you get
is no tomorrow ♪
♪ Fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame ♪
♪ What's your name? ♪
Astonishing.
Isn't it just?
Now, this one seems less
pristine than the other.
Hmm.
That's because
she went first.
Uh, that won't affect
the price, will it?
May I ask, how did they...
expire?
Would you believe it?
The droopy one caught a cold.
Ta-da.
Pink cupcakes!
Oh!
What a treat.
Well, I thought
we needed something
to celebrate your future.
The Tattler Twins Hour
is gonna be a smash hit.
Try one.
Did you bake them?
Dot, cupcake.
The whole hour would be us?
How would we ever learn
enough songs?
Well,
you'd welcome other guests.
Uh, Perry Como.
Dinah Shore.
Oh, I adore Dinah Shore.
We were never allowed
to play her records.
Mother said she was high yellow.
Serves you right
for being such a glutton.
Started out as the sniffles.
Turned into
something much worse.
Pneumonia,
I think the doctor said.
How tragic.
Yeah, right?
Bless their hearts.
Amazing how something
so seemingly innocuous
can cause such damage.
Oh, God.
Oh, I can't hear her.
Oh, it hurts.
Oh, it hurts.
Please, you have to get us
to a hospital.
Oh, my God. Oh...
Oh, my God, it hurts.
Please, please,
please, please.
Huh?
Cupcake.
I don't want a cupcake.
Bette, wake up!
Wake up, please, I beg of you.
Shh, shh, shh.
Please help me.
Please.
Mm... Ow.
Ow.
You should've had a cupcake.
They're to die for.
Did you bake them?
With my own two hands.
No cupcakes.
We have to watch our figure
if we're gonna be
television personalities.
Right.
♪ And nothing coming in. ♪
I was destined to be
the greatest actor of all time.
Monty Clift? If I had been
in A Place in the Sun,
George Stevens
would have had me do
the walk to the electric chair
shirtless.
I mailed away for one of those
Charles Atlas exercise routines
they advertise in the back
of the Superman comics.
And I practiced acting faces
in front of the mirror--
sad, happy, moody.
But mother wouldn't let me.
I hate her!
But she can't keep my greatness
in the slips.
One door closes, another opens.
And this body is America,
strong, violent and full of
limitless potential.
My arms will hold them down
when they struggle.
My legs will run them down
when they flee.
I will be the U.S. Steel
of murder.
My body holds a heart
that cannot love.
When Dora died,
she looked right into my eyes,
and I felt nothing.
The clown was put on earth
to show me the way.
To introduce me to
the sweet language of murder.
But I am no clown.
I am perfection.
I am greatness.
I am the future,
and the future starts tonight.
♪ Tell her I'll be waiting ♪
♪ In the usual place ♪
♪ With the tired and weary ♪
♪ There's no escape ♪
♪ To need a woman ♪
♪ You've got to know ♪
♪ How the strong get weak ♪
♪ And the rich get poor ♪
♪ Slave to love... ♪
Watch it!
Pardon me.
♪ Slave to love... ♪
Two Brandy Alexanders.
Let me see.
Wow.
Ah, it's a goddamn
waste you being here.
Your stuff should be
in one of them hot shit
Fort Lauderdale galleries.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey, you know,
some guy was in
here the other day
from Los Angeles, and he said
they have this big pier
right out over the ocean
and there are guys there
doing caricatures for the
tourists for two bucks a pop.
I'm telling you, the west is
where it's all happening now.
You think I'm good
enough to do that?
Did he tell you
he was gonna take you there?
'Cause he's lying, you know.
Just a hound dog salesman
trying to get his rocks off
when he's away on business.
Whoa. Why-why are you
getting all possessive?
I got to work, right?
'Cause you and me
aren't just about work.
I keep telling you,
if you're getting
out of this place,
it's with me.
I'm not getting out.
I like it here.
I make good bread;
Murray pays off
the cops so no one bothers us.
The worst thing that
happens to me is...
a little blood in my shorts
if someone gets a little rough,
or I get a load in my hair.
I told you not to talk
about things like that with me!
There are no other guys but me!
Hey!
We're fine.
It's all right.
Look, I'm...
I'm here almost every day.
I skip out on work
sometimes to be with you.
We drink and we talk.
About real life.
You can't tell me
that's all on the clock.
Yeah. We talk.
You tell me stuff, too.
About your wife.
About how you're gonna leave.
Big talk.
Usually lasts until
you finish, and then...
you're out the door
before I can wipe my dick off.
This is hard for me!
I got... I got a lot
of complications.
I've been doing this
my whole life.
But with you,
I'm really gone, Andy.
I...
love you.
Love me?
You've been in town a month.
You know what I don't
get about you, Dell?
What do you have to lose?
I mean, most of
the johns in here
are businessmen,
lawyers, fathers.
No one is inviting you
to join the chamber of commerce.
Who are you hiding out from?
You're already a freak.
And no one knows
I'm one of them.
So what's your play here,
handsome?
Eventually I will leave.
Yeah.
But until then,
let me get you
your own little place.
Not that motel
you're staying in, just...
a-a place with a record player
and good light,
where you can draw.
I don't want you hanging
around this place no more,
letting these creeps paw at you.
I think you still
love your wife, Dell.
I got a heart, you know?
I do feel things.
When I'm bending
those steel bars
or I got a stack of three
acrobats standing on my head,
it hurts like hot lead
in my fingers and shoulders.
Most people can't take the pain.
But not me.
The pain don't define me.
But I still feel it.
Every time I leave this place,
every time I can't go in
because you're with
some other guy,
giving yourself
to him even though
I know he doesn't
give two shits about you.
There is nothing worse
than the hurt of loving someone
you can't have.
Look, Dell...
I work here.
This is my office.
When I'm here, I'm working.
You get what I'm saying?
Wait, stay a while.
I'll get the next round.
Hello.
Well, hello, stranger.
What would you like?
Excuse me?
Well, it's a dollar
to sit and talk,
five for a dance,
ten to go into
the alley behind the bar
and 20 to take me home.
He wants to make us
television stars.
I don't understand.
We could have
such a fantastic time,
singing and dancing
on our own TV show.
I am with your sister, Dot.
The opportunity of a lifetime
presents itself
on a silver platter,
and you hesitate?
I don't know if
he's told you yet,
but he has asked me
to go as well.
Would you be a guest on
the Tattler Sisters' Hour?
Hardly.
In addition to having
my own show,
he has asked me to mentor you.
And what could be better?
Because I, more than anyone,
want the very,
very best for you.
I don't trust her.
So...
...go to bed early tonight.
Get lots of rest.
And in the morning,
I have arranged
for a discreet
private fitting for you
with the best seamstress
in town.
Stars need always
to be fashionable.
She's angling for something.
Who cares?
I'd love a new hat.
Hey, baby.
Where you been?
Been looking all over for you,
worried sick.
Uh-huh.
What's going on?
I had to go to the doctor.
The doctor?
What happened?
Are you all right?
I'm great. Doctor says...
I'm 100% woman.
Turns out
I can even have babies.
It's not too late.
A baby.
That's great.
Uh-huh.
It was.
Until Ethel told me the truth.
Your daddy had
the lobster hands.
Ethel.
Look, that old whore's
got it out for me.
You can't believe a word
out of that mangy broad.
And my whole life,
I thought I was the freak.
Dirty, vile-- all the things
my mama used to call me.
But it was you, Dell.
You're the one
with freak blood running
all through your veins!
You chickenshit son of a bitch,
you're Jimmy's father!
Who gives a shit about Jimmy?!
When I think of all the time
I wasted on your sorry ass,
'cause I thought this jacked up
sham of a marriage
was all I had,
all that I deserved.
Well, let me tell you something.
I'm gonna get me my normal life.
The pretty house,
have me some babies.
But not with you.
Never with you.
Hey, answer me this.
Who's gonna go for a big-dicked,
three-titted woman like you?
Doctor says it's just
extra-large lady parts.
All cosmetic.
He gonna do a surgery, and poof,
I'll look like any other lady
just walking down the street.
Do you think there's something
better out there for you?
You go on and do your worst,
'cause once they
change me down there,
I'm gonna be too much
woman for you anyway.
I'm moving into Ethel's caravan.
In there?
Mm-hmm.
Um... how did you find
this place?
It belonged to a friend of mine.
Charming.
I'm not a fruit.
Okay.
But you didn't pay me
$100 just to talk.
I have a keen idea.
We turn our backs to each other.
You take off your clothes,
and I'll take off mine.
On the count of three,
we turn around.
Whatever magic happens...
happens.
Okay.
You're very handsome.
But you already know that.
Has anyone ever
painted you before?
I'd like to do you
in oils, Cubist style,
like Picasso.
Can you shut up now?
I want to make this just right.
Ready?
Yup.
One... two... three.
Why are you still moving?
Help me!
You're supposed to be dead.
Help me!
Just die!
Rule number one
of a good killer:
make sure
all the evidence is gone.
Start with the limbs.
How can you be still alive?
You're making me feel bad!
Stop it!
Please...
kill me.
Please kill me.
Ple... please kill me.
Hello?
Hello, Mrs. Mott.
This is Regina Ross,
Dora's daughter.
How are you today?
Fine, fine.
How are you?
I'm wonderful.
I'm really enjoying my time here
at the Barbizon Secretary
School in New York City.
I'm learning so much,
and I'm hoping to be
placed in a position
at a law firm as
soon as I graduate.
Quite frankly, I'm completely
overwhelmed, Regina.
I'll have to call you back
another time.
Well, I'm-I'm sorry
to hear that, Mrs. Mott,
but I'm concerned
about my mother.
She missed
our weekly phone call yesterday.
Is she all right?
Yes, she's fine.
Your mother works
very hard for me, dear.
Right now, she's
at the farm stand
buying winter squash, and
with the holidays coming up,
I doubt she'll have much time to
call you for a month at least.
You tell my mother to call me
the minute she gets home.
I'll tell her.
Regina,
may I ask you a question?
You played with Dandy
when you were a child.
You spent time with us
as a family.
Yes, yes, ma'am, I did.
What are your remembrances
of me as a mother?
I don't remember you
really being with us.
With him.
There were always the nannies,
who quit regularly,
he bit so many of them.
I raised my child
as I was raised.
He called for me once
when he had a raging fever.
I didn't go in his room.
I was afraid I didn't know
how to comfort him.
So I sent his governess in.
He never called for me again.
Mrs. Mott?
Mrs. Mott, I-I...
I'm feeling really
uncomfortable,
so I'm going to go now.
Uh, please tell
my mother to call me.
Th-Thank you.
Mother?
Miss Elsa?
Didn't you say
we were going into town?
That sign back there said
it was to the left.
Trust me, liebchen.
I have got even a better idea.
Mr. Toledo,
I want to say how sorry I am
for your loss.
A miscarriage is always
a bitter disappointment.
Yeah, that's true.
What are you gonna do?
You got to play to win, right?
So you were what,
some kind of fancy surgeon
up north?
You could say that, I suppose.
What brought you down here?
My wife and I moved down here
to be near
our daughter and, uh,
her family.
But not to retire.
Semi-retired.
I like to keep busy.
Busy, busy body.
I'm sorry?
I hear you're gonna operate
on my Dessi,
make her
into a bona fide female.
Well, she is a female.
But if a little cosmetic change
makes her feel better,
I don't see the harm.
Do me a favor, all right, Doc?
You keep your hands off my wife,
and I'll keep my hands
off your family.
You got it?!
I'm sorry.
You sure are sorry.
Maybe it's time for you
to retire for real.
Give these magical hands
of yours a little rest!
Let's make it a matching set.
Huh?
Try to operate with those.
Now you might
be thinking about talking
to the police,
but if you talk to them
or to Dessi or anyone else,
I'll pay a visit to those
beautiful little grandkids
of yours.
Their tiny little fingers,
they'll snap like twigs.
Oh, hello.
What are you doing here?
I have brought you something
I believe you want.