American Horror Story (2011–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Replacements - full transcript

[SIGHS]

ANNA LEIGH:
Fiona.

Fiona.

I thought you had gone with the other girls
down to Jackson Square to burn your bra.

Why? So I can gag on the toxic fumes
coming off all that burning Playtex?

No, thanks.

ANNA LEIGH:
Fiona, you're wicked.

When did you first know you were destined
to become the next Supreme?

I was just 29 years old...

...when the reigning Supreme at the time,
Mimi DeLongpre, called a Council...

...and I performed the Seven Wonders...



...and was unanimously proclaimed
to be the true born heir of the Supremacy.

I wasn't talking about the Council.
When did you know? In your bones?

Well, I will tell you.

By the time I was your age, I had already
been manifesting multiple powers.

It's not unusual for a talented witch
to manifest four, even five, innate gifts...

...once she starts to flower.

But that does not
make you the Supreme.

Only the mastery of the Seven Wonders
could prove that.

So let me prove it.
Ah, don't be a fool. You're still a child.

Even if you are next in line.

I am ready.
And I say you're not.

Because you don't
wanna be replaced by me.

Careful, girl.

Don't test my wrath.



They say when a new Supreme
starts to flower...

...the old Supreme begins to fade.

You've been fading, Anna Leigh.

Shall I show you my power?

You're weak, Anna Leigh.

We both know why.

Diabetes, heart trouble, liver failure.
God knows what else.

As I get stronger, you get weaker.

[PILLS CLATTERING]

You vicious little gash.

I've seen the ruin you will bring this coven
if you are allowed to take power now.

You're a selfish, craven little child, Fiona.

And I will make it my mission to ensure
that you will never take the throne.

I'll see you burn in hell first.

Fine, save me a spot.

[ANNA LEIGH GASPS]

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

FIONA:
It's a dance.

A dance no one ever had to teach me.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

[BAND PLAYING DIXIELAND MUSIC]

FIONA: A dance I've known since
I first saw my reflection in my father's eyes.

My partners have been princes
and starving artists...

...,Greek gods and crowns.

And every one of them certain they lead.

But it's always my dance.

I make the first move,
which is no move at all.

I've always just understood...

...that they will eventually find themselves
in front of me.

Primitive, beautiful animals.

Their bodies responding
to the inevitability of it an'.

R's my dance."...

wand I have performed it
with finesse and abandon."...

...with countless partners.

Only the faces change.

And all this time, I never suspected...

...the night would come
when the dance would end.

FIONA:
I always respect a good hard slap.

Just don't make me look
like a goddamn trout...

...when I walk out of here.

Is that the video?
Yes, as we discussed.

But please let me underline
that this is an instructional video...

...shot for surgeons.

If I am going to
commit to the butchery...

...I wanna see exactly
how the sausage is made.

As you can see, the human face
isn't attached to the skull at all.

After I make the initial incision here...

[KNIFE SLICES]

...then I'll have the freedom
to stretch and tighten the skin.

[FADING] Then fat cells
harvested through liposuction...

...are packed in the cheekbones
to create fullness.

ALICIA:
So, what made you come to see me?

No one else has bothered.

ZOE:
I've been feeling so haunted.

It all seemed so unfair, so random.

You know, a truly decent person like him.

I can't even imagine
what it must be like for you.

Losing your son.

[INHALES]

[CHOKES]

ALICIA:
He had a stash in his room.

I've been sleeping in there.

I'm driving.

[ALICIA EXHALES]

They didn't tell me he had a girl.

It wasn't romantic, Mrs. Spencer.

I see.

Well, you're a good friend.
That's what matters.

God bless him.

When his father left,
he became the man of this house.

He worked part-time as an SAT tutor.

He did repairs.

People said that's a lot of pressure
to put on a boy.

He was just a--
He was a natural gentleman in his bones.

Yeah. Yeah.

He was like that.

Can I share something with you?

I don't wanna burden you.

Of course. That's why I came.

[PHONE RINGING]

ALICIA:
I almost didn't answer.

[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]

But something told me I should.

You were a saint to make that call,
you sweet girl.

I wish I was as sweet
as you think.

I wish I could hold him again.

And kiss him.

If only to say goodbye.

You'll see him again.

I envy you believers.

I don't know how it works either.

But I'm telling you, Mrs. Spencer...

...Kyle has not left us.

He's cute.

Like butter on a stick.

MADISON:
What are you two yapping about?

Our new neighbors
moving in next door.

Where's your modesty?
Put your shirt on.

LUKE:
It's totally wet, Mom.

"Hell is naked before him
and destruction hath no covering."

Get in the house, put on a clean shirt.

OBAMA:
I believe we can build...

won the progress we've made...

LaLAURIE: Oh, no.
...and continue to fight for new jobs...

...and new opportunity and new security
for the middle class.

Why, oh, Lord, my God, have you
forsaken this once proud country?

Oh, God.
Are you blubbering again?

Eternal life...

...and all you can do with it
is stuff your face and cry.

That magic box lies.

Somebody...

...somebody in there...

...they just said that that Negro...

...is the president of the United States.

I voted for him. Twice.

Wave also had black secretaries of states,
Supreme Court justices...

...and even the poet laureate.

Lies.
You know, you've got a lot to learn.

And you're gonna learn it right here
inside the walls of this school.

Oh, God, help me.

Congratulations, kiddo.

You are the new maid.

Maid.

Have you any idea
with whom you are speaking?

Yes. The maid, unless you
wanna go back in the box.

Can't stop thinking about
our new neighbor. He's nice.

He's waiting for someone.

Maybe he likes a little chocolate.

It's hilarious to listen to you virgins
get all hot and bothered.

I'm not a virgin.

QUEENIE: Heh.
NAN: I'm not.

I get it on all the time.

And guys find me hot.

MADISON: Look at you. Who'd have thought
we'd have so much in common?

So, what's your story, Queenie?
Who popped your cherry?

No one yet. She's a virgin.

Shut up, Nan. I'm saving myself.

You the bitch that blindsided me
with that candlestick.

How dare you open
your foul mouth to me, Negress.

Excuse me?

I may be a maid,
but there are limits to my servitude.

You best put that food down in front of me
before I Frisbee this plate at your head.

- Cracker bitch!
FIONA: Hey!

What the hell is going on here?

Miss Aryan Sisterhood came
between Queenie and her food.

I will not stoop to serve her kind.

You know, Delphine, from now on,
you are gonna be Queenie's personal slave.

[QUEENIE CHUCKLES]

And, Queenie, you ask her
to do whatever you need done.

Make your bed, scrub your toilet.
I don't give a shit.

Sweet.

There's nothing I hate more than a racist.

[FLEETWOOD MAC'S "SARA"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

[SINGING]
Wait a minute, baby

Stay with me a while

Said you'd give me light

But you never tow me about the fire

Stevie didn't really find her voice...

...until she and Lindsey
joined Fleetwood Mac.

That's the thing.

Can't be your best self
until you find your tribe.

I'm still looking for mine.

Drowning

In the sea of love

[KNOCKING]

ZOE:
Misty?

Zoe.

Come see.

And now it's gone

It doesn't matter what for

When you build your house

How did you do that?

It's the humic acid in mud.

Bums, scrapes, bug bites.

I put Louisiana mud on anything.

This one's really deep.

I tried. That's the best I could do.

And it was just like

A great dark wind

Kyle, it's Zoe.

Do you remember me?

I think I had met my match

He was singing

And undoing

Misty, I have to take him home.

His mother's a wreck. Maybe seeing her
will help heal him in some way.

I healed him.

Me. I--

I bathed him and--

And fed him and nursed him to health.

You did. And I owe you big time.

Well, then stay-- Stay for dinner.

Another time. I promise.

Ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh

[KYLE GRUNTS]

Said, "Sara

You're the poet in my heart"

No. No. No, he's not ready yet.
He needs me.

We're connected.

Kyle, when she abandoned you, I was there.
You can't just replace me.

[KYLE YELLS]

Let him go. Let him-- Let him go.
He wants to go home. Okay?

I'll come back for you. I promise.

No, you won't.

Hold on

[scams]

The night is coming

And the sterling flew for days

MADISON: What do you expect to get
with that stupid cake?

NAN: Just being neighborly.
What do you expect to get with that dress?

Laid. He's gonna be my fall fling.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Welcome to the neighborhood.
We're from next door.

My name is Nan.
Madison.

Thanks.

I'm Luke. Come in.

This looks amazing. Homemade?
I bake.

The cake's just an excuse.

I saw you moving in.
You looked pretty good without a shirt.

Made me interested
in the rest of the package.

[CHUCKLES]

Is this lemon?
It's yellow cake with butter frosting.

I knew it'd be your favorite.
The one thing I can't resist.

Uh... Are you seriously
ignoring me for dessert?

I get the feeling you're used
to being the center of attention.

This is Madison Montgomery.
She's famous.

Well, we don't have TV. Or Internet.

LUKE:
Sweet.

Well, is this the welcoming committee?
And you brought baked goods.

Aren't you darling? Well, we'd love to visit,
but we're running late for church.

We'll take the cake to share.

Church? it's not even Sunday.
There's Bible study.

It's how we maintain
our personal relationship...

...with our Lord Jesus Christ.

You know that's all a crock of shit, right?
I mean, why wait...

...for some phony happily-ever-after
when you can have your piece now, I say.

What about you, Luke?

I forbid you to talk to my son
or to set foot in this house.

I didn't say anything.
Both of you. Get out of my house.

We'll pray for you.

I didn't know you could do that.
Neither did I until now.

Hank doesn't know I'm here.

He's out of town bidding
on a construction project.

We tried alternative methods...

...but they didn't take. So here I am.

I'm glad you came.
I was actually gonna call you.

Oh?
Your, uh, blood work came back.

Ms. Foxx, we have a problem.

What kind of problem?

DR. FRIEDMAN: The kind that rules out
you having any sort of elective surgery.

Now or for the foreseeable future.

I'll find another doctor.

I can assure you no reputable surgeon
is gonna take you on.

Your blood work is alarming...

...and your immune system seems to be
in some kind of free fall.

DR. MORRISON:
You simply can't have a baby.

There's got to be something you can do.

I know how disappointing this must be.

Times like these,
I wish I had a magic wand I could wave.

But I don't.

That's right.

You don't.

ZOE:
I know this is the right thing, Kyle.

You know, she's the one person
in the world that you'll remember.

Everything will make sense
when you see her.

[ZOE GRUNTS]

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

[SCREAMS]

ALICIA:
Oh! Oh!

[ALICIA SOBBING]

Mom swam

[SPALDING GRUNTS]

Well, who do we have here?

JOAN:
Joan Ramsey.

My son, Luke, and I moved
into the old colonial next door.

I'd like you to have this.

FIONA:
Hm.

I always bring a copy of the Good Book...

...whenever I come into someone's house
for the first time.

How devout of you.

May I offer you a drink?

No, I don't imbibe.
Hm.

I don't know if this is a school
or a rehab facility or what it is...

...but two of your girls invaded my property.

One of them was dressed
so scandalously...

...I'm worried about the long-term effect
it might have on Luke.

You know, I've never understood
you Bible-thumpers...

...and your hypocrisy towards sex.

I know, behind closed doors,
you are the biggest perverts of all.

Your student threw a knife at me.

It missed my head by 3 inches.

Yeah. She has to work on her aim.

I didn't come here to listen
to your drunken mocking.

Those girls better not come
around my place again.

I will call the police
and I will press charges.

Assault with a deadly weapon, arson.

Arson?
The trashy one lit my curtains on fire.

I don't know how she did it, but she did it.
I conjured the devil.

That's her.
You stay away from my boy.

MADISON:
Hm, good luck keeping him away from me.

He's so backed up, all I'd have to say
is "panties" and he'd jizz his jeans.

Stay away from my family.

In Jesus' name.

[CHUCKLES]

Madison.

Have you got a light?

[FIONA CHUCKLES]

Well done.
Right? Who knew I could do that? Heh.

Come here.

Sit down.

Let's talk.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Are you asleep?

I can't believe you're really here.

I nearly died from missing you, baby.

I was just thinking something.

It's keeping me awake.

Before, when you went
to go take a shower...

[WATER RUNNING]

[GASPS]

[KYLE YELLS]

You're a different person.

Your body.

You look like someone else.

I don't understand what's happening.

But that doesn't matter. Doesn't it?

You're still my beautiful boy.

We're together again.

Let it all go.

I'm here now.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

[SIREN WAILING]

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

CHANTAL: You carry your ass downstairs
and make it yourself.

Ain't nobody frying no eggs.

CORDELIA:
I'm looking for Marie.

I'm hereto consult with her.

About a fertility problem.

Chinwe, Mambo here?

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[KNOCKING]

LAVEAU:
You want a Coca-Cola?

CORDELIA:
No, thank you.

Thank you for seeing me right away.

I've heard about you
since I was a child.

Full disclosure. I'm from--
Darling, I know who you are.

Ok?

So tell me about your fertility spell.

Don't know nothing about that.

Marie, if you know who I am...

...then you know I am well aware
of the Pochaut Medecine.

Mm.

Then you know that spell ain't no picnic
for anyone involved.

[DRUMS BEATING]

LAVEAU:
On the day of...

...you bring us 2 ounces
of your husband's baby gravy...

...in a mason jar.

We use a guinea pepper...

...hotter than Hades.

When the gods see
this willingness to suffer...

.10 sacrifice.“...

they pay attention.

[GOAT BLEATING]

When it's over,
I steep for four days and four nights.

How soon can we do it?

Got to be a new moon.

And 50,000 in cash up front.

Jesus.
We have a 100 percent success rate.

I'll find it somehow.

Borrow it, rob a bank.

When's the new moon?

[LAUGHING]

Ain't gonna do no Pochaut Medecine
on you.

Not for 50,000.

Not for 100,000.

You were born into the wrong tribe.

You the daughter of my sworn enemy.

Fiona has got nothing to do with me.

She has no idea I came to see you.
Hm.

You are my one real shot at this point.

Too late for tears. Damage is done.

Waltzing in here, ha,
like she the queen of England.

Talking about hammer and nails,
looking to start a war.

Fiona was here?

She done messed with the wrong witch.

And she knows it.

And now you know it.

[LAVEAU CHUCKLES]

[LAVEAU LAUGHING]

NAN:
You like him.

Excuse me?

You're thinking about a boy. I can tell.
It's rude to get in people's heads like that.

You think I like having to hear other
people's thoughts all the time? I don't.

So stop.
Wish I could.

These help.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hello?
ALICIA [OVER PHONE]: Zoe, it happened.

Oh, hey, Alicia.

Kyle's come back to me.

Except...

...it's not Kyle.

I'll be right over.

MADISON:
I'm not gonna apologize.

FIONA:
Whatever for?

MADISON:
For whatever it is you want me to.

That's why we're here, isn't it?

People in our position
have no need to apologize.

Our actions speak for themselves.

I'm curious.

Have you always known
you were special?

Child actor, poised beyond your years?

My mother put me to work
ever since I could talk. I hated it.

Hard to stop when you're the only one
in your family making money.

You didn't have a good
relationship with her?

The last time I saw her,
she snorted half my coke...

...and then let the cops bust me for it.
She's a selfish bitch.

Hm. So was I. Ask Cordelia.

I was a horrible mother.

And I regret it.

She's not dead. You can change.

I've tried.

But I think it's too late.

I have so much to give.

So much to teach.

Teach me.

Self-preservation...

...it's the most primal instinct
of the human psyche.

So, what would it take...

...to make a person
disregard their will to survive?

I don't get it.

Use your imagination.

Make what you want him to do...

...so much more attractive
than what he's actually doing.

Make him believe he's safer
in the middle of the street.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

MAN:
What the hell are you doing?

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

Did I do that or did you?

QUEENIE:
I sure do love chicken potpie.

For dessert,
you can make me a peach cobbler.

You never gonna catch a man that way.

Let alone find one to love you.

You were my daughter, I'd padlock
that icebox and throw away the key.

Peach cobbler won't keep you warm
at night.

My problem ain't food, you dumb bitch.
It's love.

Dr. Phil says that kids from broken homes
use food to replace love. It's comforting.

Well, I think you best look
for a new physician.

What was that?

What was what?

Something is out there.

Ain't nothing out there.
Get back to work before I smack you, slave.

[MINOTAUR GROWLING
THEN LaLAURIE SCREAMS]

No, it can't be. God help me.

QUEENIE: What the hell are you doing?
He's out there.

We have to hide.
Who's out there?

My houseboy.
Your what?

No, don't unlock that.

He'll ravage both of us.
Bitch, you don't make a bit of sense.

[MINOTAUR GROWLING
THEN QUEENIE SCREAMS]

Jesus H.

[MINOTAUR GROWLING]

[HOOVES THUDDING]

What the hell is that thing?
It's Bastien. My houseboy.

He was a beast in life.

Now evermore so.

Enchanted, no doubt...

...by the same dark magic
which has kept me alive.

Who are you?

I am Madame Delphine LaLaurie.

Mistress of the house LaLaurie.

The Code noir was replaced
by the Madame's own code of terror.

Who brought you back? Fiona?

The witch freed me,
only to make me a slave.

You deserve worse
if half of what they say about you is true.

You will unhand me.

Did you do that to him?
He violated my daughter.

Please, we have to hide.

I beg you, have mercy.

Please, don't let him take me.

Get up. Get up!

Oh, wait.
Get out of here.

You go hide. I'll take care of this.

Slave, wait.

LaLAURIE:
Ow!

Aah!
Get out of here.

[MINOTAUR SNORTS THEN GROWLS]

LaLAURIE:
Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[MINOTAUR SNORTING]

[GASPS]

Come on.

[QUEENIE PANTING]

Come on.

[MINOTAUR BELLOWS]

Come on, I won't hurt you.

Come on.

Ok?

Over here.

She told me what you did to her daughter.

You just wanted love.

And that makes you a beast?

They call me that too.

But that's not who we are.

We both deserve love like everybody else.

Don't you wanna love me?

[SCREAMS]

ALICIA:
Kyle, honey?

I have a little surprise for you.

I invited your friend Zoe
to come join us for dinner tonight.

What do you think of that? Hm?

She's a sweet girl.

I don't know why you didn't tell me
about her before.

Did you think I'd not approve?

I certainly hope you don't feel like
you have to keep secrets from me.

I've been possessive.
I do know that.

I never meant for it to go so far,
or go on for so long.

But I think maybe you needed it
as much as I did.

But now it's time for you
to move on with your life.

And I understand that, and I want that.

Jesus, Kyle.

Why won't you talk to me?

What happened to you?

They were so sure you were dead.
They said they identified your body.

Your body.

I know your body, Kyle. I know it.

And this, it's different.

You're different.

Who are you, if you're not my son?

My son. My son.

My sweet baby boy.

No one knows you like I do.

Not even that girl.
She doesn't know how to please you.

Not like I can.

Mama knows how to please you, baby.

It's okay.

No!

ALICIA:
Kyle!

No!

[KYLE YELLING]

No! No! No! No! No!

Come on over, baby
Whole lot of shakin' goin' on

Yeah, some on over, baby

Baby, you can't go wrong

Honey, I ain't fakin'

I got a whole lot of shakin' goin' on

Well, I said shake, baby, shake it

I said, shake it, baby, shake it

I said shake
Don't you lei it break now

Shake ii, shake it, shake

Come on over
Whole lot of shakin' goin' on

Let's go
One time new

[LAUGHING]

Well, some on over, baby

We got chicken in the barn

MADISON:
Whoa!

Come on, baby

You know, I got the bull by the horn
Oh, yeah

I ain't fakin'
Whole lot of shakin' goin' on

Easy new, say shake

Ooh

Now let's go
One time

Shake it, baby, shake it

Shake it, baby, shake it
Come on new

Shake, don't you let it break

But you got to shake
Oh, baby, shake

Come on over
Whole lot of shakin' goin' on

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

[DOOR CREAKS]

Hello?

Hello?

Alicia?

[ZOE SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

Oh. Ooh.

Ladies.

Ooh, you're looking well tonight.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Let me give you some advice.

Get your portrait painted
when you're young.

Just look at these old bats.

Mine is gonna go over there.

And yours will go...

...over there.

Ha. Doubt I'm even graduating
this shit show.

No way they're gonna commemorate me.

Well, they'll have to...

...because you're the next Supreme.

Wait.

Are you serious?

How do you know
I'm the next Supreme?

Because I am the old one.

And I'm dying.

My time is up...

...and you're...

...killing me.

Your powers,
you've been feeling them growing?

Yeah, like crazy.

Have you ever wondered why?

Uh, apart from my being awesome?

I'm the source.

My life force is literally pouring out
of my body and into yours.

This is no mystical mumbo jumbo.

This is real.

Heh. I have cancer.

I won't last the year.

I have connections.

My agent can get the best oncologist
in the country here in a flash.

Ha-ha. Chemo? Oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not going out bald and shriveled...

...and begging for morphine.

No. I've lived a disreputable life...

...but I've done it in style,
and I'll die likewise.

I don't belong on these walls.

I took my inheritance too soon
and squandered it.

All that power, all those gifts.

I just took it
and poured it back into myself...

...and dressed it up in Chanel.

I was a shitty Supreme.

[CHUCKLES]

But now, my mentor...

...Anna Leigh Leighton...

...now, there was a Supreme.

She was majestic and powerful.

She taught me everything I know.

You know how I thanked her?

By cutting her throat
right where I'm standing.

With this.

I've kept it all these years.

[CHUCKLES]

And now I give it to you.

Why? I don't want that.
Yeah. Come on, here.

MADISON: No.
Don't be afraid. Use it.

Kill me for the sake of the coven.

MADISON: No.
Yes. Come on.

Don't be afraid. Do it.
Come on, now, do it.

I can't! No!
Yes, you can, you stupid girl!

No!
Do it, and feel my power flow into you.

I know because I was standing
where you're standing!

Stop yelling at me!

Do it! Do it!
No!

Do it!

[GASPS]

No.

Bury her deep.

God knows what all that shit in her body
will do to the lawn...

...when it comes up in the spring.

This coven doesn't need a new Supreme.

Needs a new rug.