American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 8 - Hero of the Hourglass - full transcript
After successfully keeping a time traveling amulet out of the clutches of the Huntsclan, and getting grounded by his father in the process, Jake decided to use the amulet to go back to 1986 in order to reveal the existence of Dragons and other magical creatures to him. The trouble is, the shock of this revelation ends up breaking his parents up before he was even born, and now he has no other choice but to find a way to get them back together again.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(JAKE SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
-(JAKE SCREAMING)
-(HUNTSMAN GRUNTS)
Surrender the Uchrono Hourglass,
and I promise you a quick end.
You want the Uchrono, Huntsfool?
Come and get it.
(SCREAMS)
-(STRAINING)
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
It's a base hit for the Am Drag.
The crowd goes wild.
(IMITATES A CHEERING CROWD)
You are no match for me.
I've been hunting your kind for 20 years.
How nice for you.
(HUNTSMAN YELLING)
Ground ball up the middle and...
(BOTH YELP)
(CHEERING)
Now where could Jake be?
Is he still studying at the library?
Actually, Daddy, he's on a mission
to get... (MUFFLED SPEAKING)
A mission to get an "A" in English.
(LAUGHS) Aw, that is my little Jakester.
Always got both feet on the ground.
The hourglass is mine. (GRUNTS)
(JAKE GROANS)
Huh? Say what?
Look, Jake's on TV.
Library my Aunt Fifi.
Uh-huh. You know it. Say what?
Say woot, woot!
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
No TV or video games for two weeks?
Uh-huh. You lied to us, little mister.
And in this house,
you do the crime, you do the time.
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
It's just, I had to do my duty.
I mean, I'm the American...
Uh-huh? Well, let's hear it, Mr. Baseball.
You're the American what?
I'm the...
The American kid who's grounded.
Jake?
I'm really sorry about tonight.
Mom, do you have any idea
how often I've taken the heat from Dad
about magical stuff he doesn't know about?
Well, if you didn't eat all the cookies,
who the heck did?
Magical elves?
Oh, now, for the last time,
bedtime means bedtime.
The world won't end
if you're in bed by 10:00.
Actually, it kinda will.
You honestly expect me to believe
that a dog ate your homework?
(BELCHING)
It's like Dad doesn't even know
who I am, who we are.
All these years.
Didn't you ever wanna tell him the truth?
SUSAN: Come with me.
It was the last day of high school.
June 27th, 1986.
Your dad and I
had been going out a year,
so I decided to write him a letter
and tell him the truth.
The existence of magical creatures,
all of it.
It's not even opened.
I was going to slip it into
his locker that day, but...
I just couldn't.
Don't you ever wonder
what might've happened, you know,
if you had told him the truth?
Every day. But trust me, Jake,
some secrets are better left secret.
Ah, yes, the Uchrono Hourglass,
built by Nordic elves back in 1103 A.D.
Yeah? Well, that hunk of junk
got me grounded for two weeks.
Hope it was worth it.
Jake, that junk has the power to transcend
the boundaries of time.
If it fell into the wrong hands,
who knows what untold horrors
could be unleashed
throughout magical history?
What about the untold horrors
of no TV for two weeks?
Young Dragon, the caged lion
does not roar because it is caged.
It roars because... (YELLING)
-(CRUNCHING)
-That's new.
No. (GRUNTS) It's my back again.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
I fell from a ladder
the day we first opened the shop.
Oh, tell me about it.
I'm the one you fell on.
Come on, kid, we gotta find a safe place
to stash this thing.
So what you're saying is,
if someone wanted to use this thingy
to go back to, say, June 27th, 1986,
they just flip these doohickeys around,
and enter the date and turn it?
Yeah. It's actually kinda cool the way...
Nuh-uh. No way.
Don't even think about it.
Time traveling's a bad idea.
One little change,
and you could end up thrashing
the entire fabric of space and time.
Or I can change things for the better.
Fu, there's a whole side of my family
that my dad doesn't know about.
I have the chance to change that.
The chance to reverse the last 20 years
and redo everything
without the lies, the secrets,
the being grounded
every other week.
Ah, I'm sorry, kid.
Really, but it's just too dangerous.
-I'm sorry, too, Fu.
-(HOURGLASS WHIRRING)
But I gotta do what I...
No! Don't turn it...
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
-...over.
I... I think it worked.
Fu, check it out. It's my school.
All I gotta do is make sure
Mom gives Dad that letter,
and we can get out of here.
Ugh, is there anything I can say
to change your mind?
Pretty much, no.
(SIGHS) All right, let's make it quick.
JAKE: So, this is 1986.
Now, this is what I call
kickin' it old school.
These finals
are heinous to the max, for sure.
It's, like, gag me with a spoon.
Wow, nuggets made of chickens.
That is so rad.
JAKE: No way!
Uh... Those are my parents.
Susan, I... I want to share something
with you.
Something very special.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BEATBOXING)
JAKE: Uh, what the heck's he doing?
(CONTINUES BEATBOXING)
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
-(LOUD CRASH)
-(JONATHAN GROANS)
It's my latest break-dance moves,
Sweet Potato.
I call it my popalackin',
electric-zappin',
bugaloo-sluggin', fliptastic shovel.
What do you think?
It's tubular, Jonathan. And so are you.
I'll see you at the beach party.
Till then, sugar num-nums.
-(YELLING)
-(LOUD CRASH)
JONATHAN: I'm okay.
I'm amazed he made it to adulthood.
Man, so close.
Done the do, Fu. Let's roll.
Not just yet. I know that smell.
It's sloppy joe day.
So, you sure your old man's gonna
take the news okay?
Totally! I mean, he may be
kind of uptight sometimes,
but deep down, my dad's a cool dude.
JONATHAN: Susan! You're...
You're a monster?
Jonathan, how did you even...
I mean, I can explain.
(STAMMERING) Explain what?
That my girlfriend
is a grody to the max
fire-breathing dragon?
I told you, it skipped my generation,
but my whole family...
No, I don't wanna hear any more.
We are finished!
(HUMMING A TUNE LOUDLY) Can't hear you.
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
He just needs a little space.
I mean, in 20 years, this fight'll be,
like, ancient history.
-Right?
-Guess again, kid.
If your folks don't get back together,
you're gonna be ancient history.
Aw, man!
The clock is running, kid.
We gotta get your parents to kiss
and make up before the sand runs out.
So, where we going again?
To see the one guy who can help us.
Sheesh, didn't you guys
ever have customers?
Eh, we better go in through the back.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
Look at those graphics.
I tell you, today's technology is amazing.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
Well, well, well.
Look who's been time traveling again.
Note to self: Lay off the cannolis.
What can I say? We never learn.
-JAKE: So, nice place.
-Who's the kid?
Wait a minute. Don't tell me.
I don't even wanna know.
Didn't this joker tell you what happened
the last time he...
I mean, I... we used the Uchrono?
So this is the island of Atlantis.
Huh, I wonder what this does.
Look, the old man's gonna freak
if he sees us together,
so we need you to scram
for a day or so.
Uh-uh, no way.
As an official animal guardian,
It is my moral obligation
to protect the continuity...
Here. The bus to Atlantic City
leaves in an hour.
Avoid the shrimp.
Okay, kid, here's the plan.
I'll go in and tell the old man
about the break-up.
Once he hears how heartbroken your mom is,
he'll convince your folks
to get back together
and history will be right on track.
Susan and Jonathan broke up?
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Thank the sweet heavens.
I've been praying she'd cast off that
meat-headed mortal for months. (HOOTING)
What? No, you gotta convince her to
get back with Jonathan.
Oh, all right.
I will persuade my only daughter
to devote her entire future
to this ridiculous, non-magical misfit.
-Really?
-Not!
(LAUGHS) Not. Not.
I just heard that today.
Very humorous. (LAUGHS)
Have you gained weight?
WOMAN ON PHONE:
This is Lana, the love lady.
Jonathan from Fillmore High,
how's your love life?
Wha... Terrible!
We were supposed to be going to
this Halley's Comet party at Jones Beach,
but I just found out
my girlfriend is some kind of dragon.
Dragon?
WOMAN ON PHONE:
Dragons partying at Jones Beach?
I'll lock in the frequency.
When will we screen these yahoos?
(AUTOMATED VOICE) Next caller.
Got it!
(GRUNTING)
Master.
Young apprentice,
we have information
on a possible dragon gathering.
It is time for your first hunt.
I shall show no mercy
and slay my first dragon.
-Dude, is his voice ever gonna change?
-(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Okay, plan B. Your mom and dad were
supposed to go to that beach party.
If we can get 'em there
and reignite their va-va-va-voom,
we're back in business.
I'll bring your old man.
You handle your mom.
But how am I supposed to... (SIGHS)
Trust me, Susan, it is for the best.
You are better off with someone
who walks forward.
Someone with a hairstyle
befitting to this planet.
Someone...
(GRANDPA YELLING)
Someone magical.
Young Dragon, I am in your debt.
Who are you?
Uh, my name is, uh...
Beyonce Timberlake.
I'm the, uh, Canadian Dragon. Eh?
Beyonce Timberlake?
What kind of bogus name is
Beyonce Timberlake?
Perhaps the name of your future husband.
Ugh! As if. Dad, I still love Jonathan.
GRANDPA: I understand, my lotus flower.
(GRUNTS)
A broken heart needs time to heal.
Well, time's up. (WHISTLING)
Jones Beach. Keep the meter running,
and have them back by midnight.
Who needs a stupid beach party?
I can have plenty of fun right here.
Holy ham hocks. I did it.
It took me three years,
but I finally finished it.
(YELLS) What in the...
JONATHAN: You grody mutt. Get back here.
SUSAN: Beyonce, I'm really sorry
my dad put you up to this.
It's cool. As far as I'm concerned,
it's all about you and Jonathan.
This is hopeless. He isn't coming.
Jonathan's never gonna accept me
for who I am.
Mom, no! Wait.
Come back.
FU: I. Am. Never. Time-traveling. Again.
Fu, we're gonna need a plan C. Mom bailed.
What?
FU: Kid, time's almost up.
JONATHAN: (PANTING)
I... believe...
that's... mine.
-(THUDDING)
-(JONATHAN GRUNTS)
Wha... What's going on here?
Hey, Dad... I mean, dude,
I know you don't know me,
but it's really important
you and Susan get back together.
Lives depend on it.
Who... Who are you?
I'm from the future,
and you and Susan are my parents.
Yeah, right! And I suppose
that's a magical talking dog.
-You are correct, sir.
-(SCREAMS IN HORROR)
See? That's you and that's mom
and that's me and that's your daughter.
We're a really happy family,
except that you ground me, a lot.
Uh-huh? Yeah, look,
whatever your name is,
this has been the worst day
of my life, okay?
The girl of my dreams is a dragon,
there's dog slobber on my puzzle game,
and I can't get my collar to stay up
to save my life!
So, if this is some kind of sick joke...
Dragon up. Now you believe me?
(SHRIEKS, BLABBERS, GROANS)
Could this day get any worse?
HUNTSMAN: It just did, Dragon.
JAKE: It's you. The Huntsman.
Dude, what's with the voice?
You sound like an accordion
stuck in a wood chipper.
No one makes fun of my voice.
(GRUNTS)
Whoa!
(BOTH GRUNTNG)
(JAKE GRUNTS, GROANS)
(SIGHS IN SATISFACTION)
At last, I shall slay my first dragon.
-(FU BITING)
-(HUNTSMAN YELLING)
(FU YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
Get used to having me whip you, Huntspunk,
'cause in about 20 years,
I'm gonna be... (SHRIEKS)
Whoa!
Enjoy my detonator, Dragon.
-(BEEPING)
-No way am I fetching that.
Huh?
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
-FU: Incoming!
Show yourself, Dragon.
(SIRENS WAILING)
(BOTH COUGHING)
Oh, no! Dad!
SUSAN: No, no! This is all my fault.
It's because of my letter.
Dad, we have to save him.
There, there. We will do our best.
Although, my daughter,
there are still plenty of fish in the sea.
-Daddy!
-Okay, okay.
I was just putting it out there.
Look, there's gotta be some way
we can find him.
I didn't want to show you this,
but, uh, (CHUCKLES),
I have been using an enchanted compass
to keep track of Jonathan on your dates.
Daddy! How could you?
My darling, I may possess
all the magic and strength
of a great dragon warrior,
but I am also a single dad.
HUNTSMASTER: For the last time,
if you value your life,
you will tell me everything you know.
I will tell you nothing!
Very well.
Ooh!
(BEAST ROARS)
I'll tell you everything.
In the tenth grade, I filled
my teacher's trunk with 3-bean salad.
Seventh grade, I drove our lawnmower
over my sister's inflatable pool
and blamed it on rats.
In sixth grade, I took the money
I made for the less fortunate
and spent it at the arcade!
Tell us the location of the dragons.
Why put yourself in harm's way
just to protect some hideous monsters?
See? That's you and that's Mom
and that's me
and that's your daughter.
We're a really happy family.
The only monsters I see are you!
Check it. He's defending us.
He's so brave.
My daughter, if an ordinary human
is destined to be your true love,
I suppose you could do worse.
Very well. Let's begin.
(WHIMPERING)
Dragon up!
(SHRIEKS, GRUNTS)
(HUNTSMEN SCREAMING)
That's right, Am Dragon...
I mean, Can Drags in the hizzouse.
(JAKE SHRIEKS)
-GRANDPA: Looking for me?
-Get him.
(SCREAMING)
-(BEAST ROARS)
-Who dares?
FU: Huh?
Whoa!
Look out, Sweet Potato!
-(JONATHAN GRUNTS, GROANS)
-(SUSAN GASPS)
(HUNTSMAN GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(HUNTSMAN SHRIEKING)
-(JAKE GRUNTING)
-Say goodbye, Dragon.
(JAKE STRAINING)
Wha...
(SHRIEKING)
Oops, that's gotta hurt with the clawing
and the pinching and the ooh-ie
Yo, let's blow this crib.
(SHRIEKING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, please tell me we caught that
on the surveillance cameras.
Somebody go get the tape.
Dude, did you hear him?
He was all like, "Say goodbye, Dragon."
And he was all, "No! Help me!
It hurts! Ow!"
(VOICE DEEPENS) Dragons. I will slay
each and every one of them
if it takes until the end of time.
(SCREAMS ANGRILY)
(JONATHAN GROANING) Uh, what happened?
You tripped over a boom box
and hit your head.
What about the freakos
who were torturing me?
They wanted information
about you guys being Dragons.
We had that fight, remember?
Dragons? Dude, it sounds like
somebody's mp3 file's been corrupted.
My what? So, Susan and I
aren't really your parents?
Parents? Oh, Jonathan, you really must've
hit your head hard.
Uh, kid, we gotta scram.
Well, I gotta get back to Canada.
Good day, eh?
May your journey be safe,
Beyonce Timberlake.
(KISSES) Thank you for everything.
If we can ever return the favor...
Don't worry, you will.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Susan, look. It's Halley's Comet.
I thought it was pronounced Haley?
Haley. I've always liked that name.
Hey, G, what's up?
How's your back feeling?
My back? It's fine. Why do you ask?
You know, your bad back
from when you fell off the ladder in 19...
Kid, ix-nay on the ack-bay, huh?
Oh, right. 'Cause that never...
So you never...
Fu Dog! (SPEAKING CHINESE ANGRILY)
You have been time traveling again,
haven't you?
Look, Gramps, I promise,
I will never ever, ever
do this kind of thing ever again.
(WHOOSHING)
Is this a bad time?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Oh, boy.
Morning, Dad. Morning, Mom.
Morning, Haley.
Wow! Someone's awfully chipper
this morning.
What can I say? I'm just happy
for everything we have here,
just the way it is.
You know, you and Mom together,
me and Haley existing.
That kinda thing.
Jake, I hope you don't think
I like punishing you.
It's just... I can't bear the thought of
seeing you hurt.
I know, Dad, me too.
Your mother and I talked about
your grounding, and, well...
We've decided to let you off
with a warning this time.
Have a good day, all.
-Thanks, Mom.
-Of course!
I just hate seeing you get punished
for something you didn't...
What the...
Time traveling? And on a school night?
You are grounded, young man. No TV.
No video games. Two weeks.
JAKE: Aw, man!
FU: Hey, kid. Check out a few of
my time traveling vacation photos.
Here's me reintroducing the concept
of a toga party to the Romans.
Here I'm telling Betsy Ross
that red, white and blue
would make a nice combination.
And this here's my contribution
to art history.
The Mona Lisa?
Yeah, she was all smiles until...
(BELCHES LOUDLY)
JAKE: Dude, that's messed up.
FU: Blame it on the meatballs
I ate for breakfast that morning.
(CHUCKLES)
(JAKE SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
-(JAKE SCREAMING)
-(HUNTSMAN GRUNTS)
Surrender the Uchrono Hourglass,
and I promise you a quick end.
You want the Uchrono, Huntsfool?
Come and get it.
(SCREAMS)
-(STRAINING)
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
It's a base hit for the Am Drag.
The crowd goes wild.
(IMITATES A CHEERING CROWD)
You are no match for me.
I've been hunting your kind for 20 years.
How nice for you.
(HUNTSMAN YELLING)
Ground ball up the middle and...
(BOTH YELP)
(CHEERING)
Now where could Jake be?
Is he still studying at the library?
Actually, Daddy, he's on a mission
to get... (MUFFLED SPEAKING)
A mission to get an "A" in English.
(LAUGHS) Aw, that is my little Jakester.
Always got both feet on the ground.
The hourglass is mine. (GRUNTS)
(JAKE GROANS)
Huh? Say what?
Look, Jake's on TV.
Library my Aunt Fifi.
Uh-huh. You know it. Say what?
Say woot, woot!
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
No TV or video games for two weeks?
Uh-huh. You lied to us, little mister.
And in this house,
you do the crime, you do the time.
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
It's just, I had to do my duty.
I mean, I'm the American...
Uh-huh? Well, let's hear it, Mr. Baseball.
You're the American what?
I'm the...
The American kid who's grounded.
Jake?
I'm really sorry about tonight.
Mom, do you have any idea
how often I've taken the heat from Dad
about magical stuff he doesn't know about?
Well, if you didn't eat all the cookies,
who the heck did?
Magical elves?
Oh, now, for the last time,
bedtime means bedtime.
The world won't end
if you're in bed by 10:00.
Actually, it kinda will.
You honestly expect me to believe
that a dog ate your homework?
(BELCHING)
It's like Dad doesn't even know
who I am, who we are.
All these years.
Didn't you ever wanna tell him the truth?
SUSAN: Come with me.
It was the last day of high school.
June 27th, 1986.
Your dad and I
had been going out a year,
so I decided to write him a letter
and tell him the truth.
The existence of magical creatures,
all of it.
It's not even opened.
I was going to slip it into
his locker that day, but...
I just couldn't.
Don't you ever wonder
what might've happened, you know,
if you had told him the truth?
Every day. But trust me, Jake,
some secrets are better left secret.
Ah, yes, the Uchrono Hourglass,
built by Nordic elves back in 1103 A.D.
Yeah? Well, that hunk of junk
got me grounded for two weeks.
Hope it was worth it.
Jake, that junk has the power to transcend
the boundaries of time.
If it fell into the wrong hands,
who knows what untold horrors
could be unleashed
throughout magical history?
What about the untold horrors
of no TV for two weeks?
Young Dragon, the caged lion
does not roar because it is caged.
It roars because... (YELLING)
-(CRUNCHING)
-That's new.
No. (GRUNTS) It's my back again.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
I fell from a ladder
the day we first opened the shop.
Oh, tell me about it.
I'm the one you fell on.
Come on, kid, we gotta find a safe place
to stash this thing.
So what you're saying is,
if someone wanted to use this thingy
to go back to, say, June 27th, 1986,
they just flip these doohickeys around,
and enter the date and turn it?
Yeah. It's actually kinda cool the way...
Nuh-uh. No way.
Don't even think about it.
Time traveling's a bad idea.
One little change,
and you could end up thrashing
the entire fabric of space and time.
Or I can change things for the better.
Fu, there's a whole side of my family
that my dad doesn't know about.
I have the chance to change that.
The chance to reverse the last 20 years
and redo everything
without the lies, the secrets,
the being grounded
every other week.
Ah, I'm sorry, kid.
Really, but it's just too dangerous.
-I'm sorry, too, Fu.
-(HOURGLASS WHIRRING)
But I gotta do what I...
No! Don't turn it...
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
-...over.
I... I think it worked.
Fu, check it out. It's my school.
All I gotta do is make sure
Mom gives Dad that letter,
and we can get out of here.
Ugh, is there anything I can say
to change your mind?
Pretty much, no.
(SIGHS) All right, let's make it quick.
JAKE: So, this is 1986.
Now, this is what I call
kickin' it old school.
These finals
are heinous to the max, for sure.
It's, like, gag me with a spoon.
Wow, nuggets made of chickens.
That is so rad.
JAKE: No way!
Uh... Those are my parents.
Susan, I... I want to share something
with you.
Something very special.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BEATBOXING)
JAKE: Uh, what the heck's he doing?
(CONTINUES BEATBOXING)
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
-(LOUD CRASH)
-(JONATHAN GROANS)
It's my latest break-dance moves,
Sweet Potato.
I call it my popalackin',
electric-zappin',
bugaloo-sluggin', fliptastic shovel.
What do you think?
It's tubular, Jonathan. And so are you.
I'll see you at the beach party.
Till then, sugar num-nums.
-(YELLING)
-(LOUD CRASH)
JONATHAN: I'm okay.
I'm amazed he made it to adulthood.
Man, so close.
Done the do, Fu. Let's roll.
Not just yet. I know that smell.
It's sloppy joe day.
So, you sure your old man's gonna
take the news okay?
Totally! I mean, he may be
kind of uptight sometimes,
but deep down, my dad's a cool dude.
JONATHAN: Susan! You're...
You're a monster?
Jonathan, how did you even...
I mean, I can explain.
(STAMMERING) Explain what?
That my girlfriend
is a grody to the max
fire-breathing dragon?
I told you, it skipped my generation,
but my whole family...
No, I don't wanna hear any more.
We are finished!
(HUMMING A TUNE LOUDLY) Can't hear you.
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
He just needs a little space.
I mean, in 20 years, this fight'll be,
like, ancient history.
-Right?
-Guess again, kid.
If your folks don't get back together,
you're gonna be ancient history.
Aw, man!
The clock is running, kid.
We gotta get your parents to kiss
and make up before the sand runs out.
So, where we going again?
To see the one guy who can help us.
Sheesh, didn't you guys
ever have customers?
Eh, we better go in through the back.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
Look at those graphics.
I tell you, today's technology is amazing.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
Well, well, well.
Look who's been time traveling again.
Note to self: Lay off the cannolis.
What can I say? We never learn.
-JAKE: So, nice place.
-Who's the kid?
Wait a minute. Don't tell me.
I don't even wanna know.
Didn't this joker tell you what happened
the last time he...
I mean, I... we used the Uchrono?
So this is the island of Atlantis.
Huh, I wonder what this does.
Look, the old man's gonna freak
if he sees us together,
so we need you to scram
for a day or so.
Uh-uh, no way.
As an official animal guardian,
It is my moral obligation
to protect the continuity...
Here. The bus to Atlantic City
leaves in an hour.
Avoid the shrimp.
Okay, kid, here's the plan.
I'll go in and tell the old man
about the break-up.
Once he hears how heartbroken your mom is,
he'll convince your folks
to get back together
and history will be right on track.
Susan and Jonathan broke up?
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Thank the sweet heavens.
I've been praying she'd cast off that
meat-headed mortal for months. (HOOTING)
What? No, you gotta convince her to
get back with Jonathan.
Oh, all right.
I will persuade my only daughter
to devote her entire future
to this ridiculous, non-magical misfit.
-Really?
-Not!
(LAUGHS) Not. Not.
I just heard that today.
Very humorous. (LAUGHS)
Have you gained weight?
WOMAN ON PHONE:
This is Lana, the love lady.
Jonathan from Fillmore High,
how's your love life?
Wha... Terrible!
We were supposed to be going to
this Halley's Comet party at Jones Beach,
but I just found out
my girlfriend is some kind of dragon.
Dragon?
WOMAN ON PHONE:
Dragons partying at Jones Beach?
I'll lock in the frequency.
When will we screen these yahoos?
(AUTOMATED VOICE) Next caller.
Got it!
(GRUNTING)
Master.
Young apprentice,
we have information
on a possible dragon gathering.
It is time for your first hunt.
I shall show no mercy
and slay my first dragon.
-Dude, is his voice ever gonna change?
-(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Okay, plan B. Your mom and dad were
supposed to go to that beach party.
If we can get 'em there
and reignite their va-va-va-voom,
we're back in business.
I'll bring your old man.
You handle your mom.
But how am I supposed to... (SIGHS)
Trust me, Susan, it is for the best.
You are better off with someone
who walks forward.
Someone with a hairstyle
befitting to this planet.
Someone...
(GRANDPA YELLING)
Someone magical.
Young Dragon, I am in your debt.
Who are you?
Uh, my name is, uh...
Beyonce Timberlake.
I'm the, uh, Canadian Dragon. Eh?
Beyonce Timberlake?
What kind of bogus name is
Beyonce Timberlake?
Perhaps the name of your future husband.
Ugh! As if. Dad, I still love Jonathan.
GRANDPA: I understand, my lotus flower.
(GRUNTS)
A broken heart needs time to heal.
Well, time's up. (WHISTLING)
Jones Beach. Keep the meter running,
and have them back by midnight.
Who needs a stupid beach party?
I can have plenty of fun right here.
Holy ham hocks. I did it.
It took me three years,
but I finally finished it.
(YELLS) What in the...
JONATHAN: You grody mutt. Get back here.
SUSAN: Beyonce, I'm really sorry
my dad put you up to this.
It's cool. As far as I'm concerned,
it's all about you and Jonathan.
This is hopeless. He isn't coming.
Jonathan's never gonna accept me
for who I am.
Mom, no! Wait.
Come back.
FU: I. Am. Never. Time-traveling. Again.
Fu, we're gonna need a plan C. Mom bailed.
What?
FU: Kid, time's almost up.
JONATHAN: (PANTING)
I... believe...
that's... mine.
-(THUDDING)
-(JONATHAN GRUNTS)
Wha... What's going on here?
Hey, Dad... I mean, dude,
I know you don't know me,
but it's really important
you and Susan get back together.
Lives depend on it.
Who... Who are you?
I'm from the future,
and you and Susan are my parents.
Yeah, right! And I suppose
that's a magical talking dog.
-You are correct, sir.
-(SCREAMS IN HORROR)
See? That's you and that's mom
and that's me and that's your daughter.
We're a really happy family,
except that you ground me, a lot.
Uh-huh? Yeah, look,
whatever your name is,
this has been the worst day
of my life, okay?
The girl of my dreams is a dragon,
there's dog slobber on my puzzle game,
and I can't get my collar to stay up
to save my life!
So, if this is some kind of sick joke...
Dragon up. Now you believe me?
(SHRIEKS, BLABBERS, GROANS)
Could this day get any worse?
HUNTSMAN: It just did, Dragon.
JAKE: It's you. The Huntsman.
Dude, what's with the voice?
You sound like an accordion
stuck in a wood chipper.
No one makes fun of my voice.
(GRUNTS)
Whoa!
(BOTH GRUNTNG)
(JAKE GRUNTS, GROANS)
(SIGHS IN SATISFACTION)
At last, I shall slay my first dragon.
-(FU BITING)
-(HUNTSMAN YELLING)
(FU YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
Get used to having me whip you, Huntspunk,
'cause in about 20 years,
I'm gonna be... (SHRIEKS)
Whoa!
Enjoy my detonator, Dragon.
-(BEEPING)
-No way am I fetching that.
Huh?
-(JAKE GRUNTS)
-FU: Incoming!
Show yourself, Dragon.
(SIRENS WAILING)
(BOTH COUGHING)
Oh, no! Dad!
SUSAN: No, no! This is all my fault.
It's because of my letter.
Dad, we have to save him.
There, there. We will do our best.
Although, my daughter,
there are still plenty of fish in the sea.
-Daddy!
-Okay, okay.
I was just putting it out there.
Look, there's gotta be some way
we can find him.
I didn't want to show you this,
but, uh, (CHUCKLES),
I have been using an enchanted compass
to keep track of Jonathan on your dates.
Daddy! How could you?
My darling, I may possess
all the magic and strength
of a great dragon warrior,
but I am also a single dad.
HUNTSMASTER: For the last time,
if you value your life,
you will tell me everything you know.
I will tell you nothing!
Very well.
Ooh!
(BEAST ROARS)
I'll tell you everything.
In the tenth grade, I filled
my teacher's trunk with 3-bean salad.
Seventh grade, I drove our lawnmower
over my sister's inflatable pool
and blamed it on rats.
In sixth grade, I took the money
I made for the less fortunate
and spent it at the arcade!
Tell us the location of the dragons.
Why put yourself in harm's way
just to protect some hideous monsters?
See? That's you and that's Mom
and that's me
and that's your daughter.
We're a really happy family.
The only monsters I see are you!
Check it. He's defending us.
He's so brave.
My daughter, if an ordinary human
is destined to be your true love,
I suppose you could do worse.
Very well. Let's begin.
(WHIMPERING)
Dragon up!
(SHRIEKS, GRUNTS)
(HUNTSMEN SCREAMING)
That's right, Am Dragon...
I mean, Can Drags in the hizzouse.
(JAKE SHRIEKS)
-GRANDPA: Looking for me?
-Get him.
(SCREAMING)
-(BEAST ROARS)
-Who dares?
FU: Huh?
Whoa!
Look out, Sweet Potato!
-(JONATHAN GRUNTS, GROANS)
-(SUSAN GASPS)
(HUNTSMAN GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(HUNTSMAN SHRIEKING)
-(JAKE GRUNTING)
-Say goodbye, Dragon.
(JAKE STRAINING)
Wha...
(SHRIEKING)
Oops, that's gotta hurt with the clawing
and the pinching and the ooh-ie
Yo, let's blow this crib.
(SHRIEKING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, please tell me we caught that
on the surveillance cameras.
Somebody go get the tape.
Dude, did you hear him?
He was all like, "Say goodbye, Dragon."
And he was all, "No! Help me!
It hurts! Ow!"
(VOICE DEEPENS) Dragons. I will slay
each and every one of them
if it takes until the end of time.
(SCREAMS ANGRILY)
(JONATHAN GROANING) Uh, what happened?
You tripped over a boom box
and hit your head.
What about the freakos
who were torturing me?
They wanted information
about you guys being Dragons.
We had that fight, remember?
Dragons? Dude, it sounds like
somebody's mp3 file's been corrupted.
My what? So, Susan and I
aren't really your parents?
Parents? Oh, Jonathan, you really must've
hit your head hard.
Uh, kid, we gotta scram.
Well, I gotta get back to Canada.
Good day, eh?
May your journey be safe,
Beyonce Timberlake.
(KISSES) Thank you for everything.
If we can ever return the favor...
Don't worry, you will.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Susan, look. It's Halley's Comet.
I thought it was pronounced Haley?
Haley. I've always liked that name.
Hey, G, what's up?
How's your back feeling?
My back? It's fine. Why do you ask?
You know, your bad back
from when you fell off the ladder in 19...
Kid, ix-nay on the ack-bay, huh?
Oh, right. 'Cause that never...
So you never...
Fu Dog! (SPEAKING CHINESE ANGRILY)
You have been time traveling again,
haven't you?
Look, Gramps, I promise,
I will never ever, ever
do this kind of thing ever again.
(WHOOSHING)
Is this a bad time?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Oh, boy.
Morning, Dad. Morning, Mom.
Morning, Haley.
Wow! Someone's awfully chipper
this morning.
What can I say? I'm just happy
for everything we have here,
just the way it is.
You know, you and Mom together,
me and Haley existing.
That kinda thing.
Jake, I hope you don't think
I like punishing you.
It's just... I can't bear the thought of
seeing you hurt.
I know, Dad, me too.
Your mother and I talked about
your grounding, and, well...
We've decided to let you off
with a warning this time.
Have a good day, all.
-Thanks, Mom.
-Of course!
I just hate seeing you get punished
for something you didn't...
What the...
Time traveling? And on a school night?
You are grounded, young man. No TV.
No video games. Two weeks.
JAKE: Aw, man!
FU: Hey, kid. Check out a few of
my time traveling vacation photos.
Here's me reintroducing the concept
of a toga party to the Romans.
Here I'm telling Betsy Ross
that red, white and blue
would make a nice combination.
And this here's my contribution
to art history.
The Mona Lisa?
Yeah, she was all smiles until...
(BELCHES LOUDLY)
JAKE: Dude, that's messed up.
FU: Blame it on the meatballs
I ate for breakfast that morning.
(CHUCKLES)