American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 2 - Half Baked - full transcript

GRANDPA: Release yourself,
young dragon.

Concentrate.

Concentrate. Right. Right.

Think. Think. Think.

Think.
(YELPS)

Do not think. Feel.

Sense the vibrations
around you.

(STOMACH BELLOWING)

Sorry. That vibration was actually
a chili cheese dog

working its way through.

(BURPS)



Just pretend I'm not here.

GRANDPA: Let your instincts
guide you.

My instincts. Right.

Not thinking. Feeling.

(ORIENTAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING
AS BACKGROUND SCORE)

GRANDPA: Sense the balance
of the magical world--

Good and evil both.

I... I can feel it.

Yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of cool actually.

I'm chillin' with
the vibes and all the--

Huh?

Rose.

Jake, you have to listen to me.

The Huntsman is planning
something big, something terrible.



-You have to stop him.
-What about you?

You can't save me, Jake.
It's too dangerous.

You're worth it.

-(MUTTERS)
-Oh, man!

Jake, it is 6 a.m.
time for dragon training.

Oh, that's nasty.

I got to go rinse
my mouth out in the toilet.

Are you all right,
young one?

-(FU GARGLING)
-Yeah.

I was just having
the freakiest dream.

Rose.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪

♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪

♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪

♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪

Ya heard?

♪ American Dragon ♪

Yeow!

So let me get this straight.
After you smooched me like a sucker fish,

you realized
that was in your hand?

The Huntsgirl's mask.

The mask of the Huntsgirl.

Guys, I think it was more
than a dream. I think...

I think Rose was trying to contact me
from wherever she is.

Jake, you sure
there's not some explanation

that's a little less,
I don't know, cra-zazy?

Well, there are spells
you can use to enter people's dreams.

I use 'em all the time
to avoid paying long-distance charges.

-Blueski.
-That's gotta be it.

Maybe I can use the same kind of spell
to enter her dreams

-and find out--
-No, Jake.

-It may be a trap.
-No doubt.

I'm telling y'all Rose is bad news.

It is best to proceed
with caution.

You really miss her,
don't you, kid?

It's been three months, Fu.

I thought I'd be over her
by now, but I'm not.

I just...
I need to know she's okay.

(SIGHS)

Okay. The old man's
gonna hate me for this,

but if you're serious about finding her,
I think I know a spell that'll do it.

Fu, that's awesome.

You're my dog.

And I mean that in a hip-hop way,
not in a...

I own you way.

Easy, kid. I'm still recovering
from our early smooch session

with the nasty
morning breath.

So what are
we talking here?

A portal spell.
It's pretty tricky.

But if done right, it'll open
a dimensional door to wherever Rose is.

Well, what are we waiting for?

One problem.
I'm missing a key ingredient--

-Krylock venom.
-Kry what now?

Krylock. A beast of pure evil
that feeds off of magical creatures.

It has the head of a cobra
and the body of a scorpion.

-(SHRIEKS)
-SPUD: Aw.

He's not evil.
He's just misunderstood--

(SCREAMS) He's evil!

Okay, so let's go find
this kry thing already.

That's the hitch, kid.
Our guy's interdimensional.

-Meaning?
-Meaning it lives in another dimension.

The only way it can enter our world
is through a dimensional door

which can pop up
anywhere, anytime, anyplace.

-It's impossible to track.
-So what do we do?

We wait for it to make an appearance
in our neck of the woods.

When it does,
that's when we strike.

Uh, Jakey, if Fu told us to wait,

how come we staying up all night
trying to find this kry beast thingy?

'Cause he might've missed something.

The sooner we find it,
the sooner I find Rose.

(SIGHS) Okay.
But I'm warning you.

Around 2 a.m., Trixie's breath started
to smell like a truck stop in Skagsville.

In a good way.

Jakey, me and Spud, we understand
how much you dig Rose and all,

-but she disappeared months ago.
-(SCREAMING)

Maybe it's time for you
to start moving on with your life.

Move on? How can you say that
after everything I've been through.

Maybe because
we went through everything with you.

Yeah. Like when you were convinced

the Huntsman was holding Rose hostage
in the Hunts lair.

Rose, I'm here.

Uh, (CHUCKLES)

I don't suppose
the evil Huntsclan that used to live here

left a forwarding address.

And then there was
that whole depression phase.

Oh, Rose,

sweet Rose.

For you I'd blow my nose.

(SOFT APPLAUSE)

Peace out.

SPUD: And remember that one day
when you decided to just give up on girls?

-Yo, brother, what up?
-I'm sorry, Jake.

I don't think
this is going to work out.

Aw. But my hairdo rules!

Sorry, Jakey, but since she left,
life's been passing you by.

Yeah. And your grades have kind
of, well...

(WHISTLING, MIMICS EXPLOSION)

You guys
couldn't be more wrong.

My life is great, and
my grades couldn't be better.

SPUD: You're flunking Home Ec?

Dude, I didn't think
Miss Park even gave out grades.

Brad blew up
a pot roast last week

and all he got was a frowny face.

That's right. The Bradster makes
home ec

home excellent.

Hey, that "F" wasn't my fault.

-That peanut brittle recipe was tricky.
-Don't worry, Jake.

I'm sure you'll do better next time.

Thankfully, Chip, Bernice,
and Gilbert

each survived your recipe with only
minimal damage to their braces.

Jake, can I see you
for a moment?

Sure, Miss Park.
What's up?

Please, call me Sun.

Miss Park is so formal.

-Sure, Sun.
-Jake,

I haven't been teaching here very long,
and I don't know you that well.

But I've taken an interest in you.

You see, I know
that you're different,

that you're destined
for great things.

What? No.
Uh uh.

No. This here's a greatness-free zone.

I'm just your average kid dealing
with average-kid problems.

Peer pressure, teen angst,
random zit clusters.

Understood. But we still have
a little problem of your failing grade.

How would you feel about one
last chance at extra credit?

You gotta bake what?

Five dozen cupcakes
for the school carnival tomorrow.

The more I sell,
the more extra credit I get.

No. No carnival.

Carnivals have clowns.
Horrible, evil clowns

that steal your breath
and devour your children.

Uh, Trixie, translation.

Spud had a bad clown experience
when he was five.

Look, Daddy,
Clowny McHonk-Honk.

Clowny McHonk-Honk.

(SHRIEKS)

Me, 12 trombonists,
and the cable access weather lady

haven't been the same since.

The sooner I bake these cupcakes,

the sooner I can get
back to finding--

Where's Jake?
The Krylock is loose in Central Park.

Pain.

(SHRIEKS)

(NEIGHS)

So, once you get the Krylock
to point "b,"

Spud and Trixie will do their thing,
and you'll extract the venom into this.

Remember, kid,
this may be your only chance to find Rose.

Then I'm taking it.
Dragon up.

Sorry, Krylock.

But you got a little something
Jakey wants.

Yo, this Krylock's cake.

Jake, the Kry dude's coming all up
on your tail.

I'll have it defeated
in no ti--what?

(YELPS)

Oh.

Dudes, he's at point "b."

-(GRUNTS)
-(SHRIEKS)

Guys, now!

Hey, Krylock,
looks like your ride's leaving.

Ha. Got it, guys.
Let's go open us up a portal.

SPUD: Dude, we're still
missing a key ingredient.

Cupcakes can't bake
without baking soda.

A-duh, the baking soda
is in your hand.

Can you guys
keep it down a little?

We're working
on a portal spell over here.

Yeah, and we're working
on your extra credit over here.

Give me some bat guano.

Spud, cocoa powder.

-Troll belches.
-(BURPS)

-Heavy whipping cream.
-Krylock venom.

Vanilla.

And presto.
One portal potion ready for action.

And one batch of cupcakes
are ready for baking.

Okay, kid, here's the deal.

Just throw the potion
in the air and say Rose's name.

When the portal opens,
you dive in.

Next thing you know,
it'll be you and her and va-va-vavoom.

I guess this is it.

How's my hair?
Does it look okay?

It looks fine.
Just be careful, okay?

Rose.

(GRUNTS)

Uh,
I'm guessing it didn't work.

-A nice pratfall, kid.
-Whoa! You okay, baby?

Are you okay?

♪ Well, my woman
she left me ♪

♪ She don't come round here no more ♪

Look, Jakey, we're sorry
the spell didn't work,

but we're not gonna let you waste away
a whole day in bed, yo.

Wha-what happened
to the music?

The pretty, pretty music.

♪ My woman, she left me ♪

Dude, get a grip.

Like it or not,
life goes on.

Now, snap out of it,
get dressed,

and march your patootie downstairs

'cause the school
carnival's starting,

and we got cupcakes
to sell.

I just don't get
what went wrong.

We had all the ingredients.
I said Rose's name.

How about we forget
about what went wrong

and we focus
on what went right?

Behold the cupcakes.

I have to say, Jake,

if these cupcakes
were any more delicious,

someone might think
I made them.

Hola, familia.

Ooh, me, oh my. Those cupcakes look
absolutely scrumptious.

Honestly, Haley,
I don't know where you find the time.

Uh. Sorry, papa dog.

We're saving these
for the school carnival.

Come on, y'all.
Let's rotate.

Honey, my catering assistant
just called, frantic.

Something about
rancid coconut puffs.

Are you okay to watch
Haley for a few hours?

Oh, don't you worry
about a thing, honey.

There is nothing
I would rather do than spend

a nice, relaxing evening at home
with my little angel. Come here.

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Thanks.
And enjoy the cupcakes.

But don't just
enjoy the cupcakes.

Enjoy each other.
'Cause mortal enemies or not,

you never know when you're gonna be
ripped apart by the hands of fate,

never to see
each other again.

Come back soon, you hear?

(SNIFFS) Vanilla? So that's what
went wrong with my portal spell.

So what's all this
about a portal spell?

(CHUCKLES) Funny story,

see, me and the kid did a portal spell
and-- here's the funny part.

It seems that vanilla ended up
in the potion,

-which means--
-Fu Dog, are you telling me

there's Krylock venom
in the school cupcakes?

Pretty much.
Is that a bad thing?

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Cupcakes. Get your delicious homemade
cupcakes right here!

(HONKING)

(SQUEALS) Everybody run for your lives!

It's Clowny McHonk-Honk!
(WHIMPERS)

Spud, it's all right.

I'm gonna prove to you once and for all
that clowns are completely harmless.

Why, hello,
Mr. McHonk-Honk.

Might I interest you
and your clowny cohorts

in some delicious
homemade cupcakes?

Yo.

FU: Kid, don't eat the cupcakes.

(SPITS) Huh?

They are spiked with Krylock venom
which should never be consumed by humans.

What? Why?
What will happen?

See, Spud,
what'd I tell you?

-Clowns are harmless. And--
-(PANTING, GROANING)

(ROARS)

Totally. I've been scared
all these years for nothing.

Make me laugh, clowns.
Make me laugh.

(YELPING)

Word up.

(PANTING)

(GASPING FOR AIR)

Jakey, we got issues.

I know.
There's Krylock venom in the cupcakes.

Hey-hey, honey pie.

You ready to pucker up
for the Bradster?

(ROARS)

(EVIL VOICE) I sure am.

Jackpot.

Oh, snap.
Didn't Haley eat one?

Don't worry, pumpkin,

according to Dr. Gimple's Big Book
of Child Rearing,

this is probably the result
of a teensy food allergy.

Not to worry. Do you know
if you're allergic to chocolate?

O-kay.
I'm gonna take that as a yes.

-(CLAMORING)
-Okay, don't panic.

Gramps and Fu will be here in a minute.

Uh, Jakey,

I don't think we got a minute.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Okay,
no more clowning around.

Now you're messing
with the am-drag.

Come on, y'all. Bring it.

Jake, no!

Hey.
Get your own hiding spot.

Jake, you are not
to harm the mutants.

Those mutants are humans.

We need to revert them
back to human form.

And how are we
supposed to do that?

Okay, kid, here's the deal.

-Yo, a little cramped in here.
-According to this journal,

Krylock venom gets its power
from the Krylock it came from.

So if you destroy
the Krylock,

-everybody goes back to normal.
-But, Fu, you said it yourself.

Krylocks are impossible to find.

Not with a portal spell they're not.

-All we're missing is the venom.
-Which is in the cupcakes.

But we were supposed
to use the potion to find Rose.

I am sorry, Jake.
We have no choice.

You're right.
Let's get those cupcakes.

Now!

(YELPS)

I got 'em!

Huh?

The last cupcake.

(SCREAMS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

Here. Have a carrot stick.

It's better for you anyway.

TRIXIE: That's right, Spud.

You the man.

Okay, kid,
the potion's set.

Go for it.

Show me the Krylock demon.

Huh?

Uh, Fu.
What's happening?

Well, your voice
is saying "krylock,"

but I'm guessing your heart
is saying something else.

Rose.

Jake?

(ALL SCREAMING)

I'm sorry.

All right.

It's time to put
the "kry" in Krylock.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

-Huh?
-Kid, hurry.

The portal's closing.

I am sorry, little lady.

You are drinking this castor oil
whether you like it or not.

So, do I have
to pay extra for that?

Wha--what happened, Daddy?

I will tell you
what happened.

I just learned a deep, dark secret
about your mother's side of the family.

You're all allergic
to chocolate.

TRIXIE: Yeah!

Way to go, kid!

Well done, young dragon.

Now, about disobeying me.

I'm sorry, Gramps.
This is all my fault.

I was just so obsessed
with finding Rose.

Do not worry.

What matters is...
In the end,

you didn't do what you wanted.
You did what was right.

TRIXIE: Come on, y'all.
Let's scram.

Destined for great things.

Indeed.

Wooh. Crazy day, huh?

I'm just glad
everybody seemed to buy the whole

"you've just been pranked" story
we fed them.

You know, kid,
you really impressed me back there.

You could've chucked
everything to be with her, but you didn't.

I've been obsessing
over Rose for too long now.

It's just...

It's time for me to let her go.

-Is that what your gut tells you?
-No.

Not really.

Then keep looking for her.
Just don't let it take over your life.

Thanks, Fu

for the potion,
for everything.

Yeah, well, I'm a dog.
Loyalty kind of comes with the territory.

So you think she feels
the same way about you?

I know she does...

Wherever she is.

(GRUNTS)

Man, I guess I really
messed up today?

Don't even sweat it. If you think
your krylock cupcakes were a train wreck,

check out these less than
savory magical recipes.

You in the mood
for a little unicorn on the cob?

How about a slice
of blue fairy pie?

Or if you're craving breakfast,

there's always
eggs ogre easy.

Did any of those recipes cause anybody
to turn into half-evil scorpion mutants?

FU: Not so much.

Come to think of it,
you really did mess up today.

JAKE: Thanks for the pep talk.

I feel so much better.